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How much stress is too much? A psychiatrist explains the links between toxic stress and poor health − and how to get help

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lawson-r-wulsin-1493655">Lawson R. Wulsin</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-cincinnati-1717">University of Cincinnati </a> COVID-19 taught most people that the line between tolerable and toxic stress – defined as persistent demands that lead to disease – varies widely. But some people will age faster and die younger from toxic stressors than others. So how much stress is too much, and what can you do about it? I’m a <a href="https://researchdirectory.uc.edu/p/wulsinlr">psychiatrist specializing in psychosomatic medicine</a>, which is the study and treatment of people who have physical and mental illnesses. My research is focused on people who have psychological conditions and medical illnesses as well as those whose stress exacerbates their health issues. I’ve spent my career studying mind-body questions and training physicians to treat mental illness in primary care settings. My <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/toxic-stress/677FA62B741540DBDB53E2F0A52A74B1">forthcoming book</a> is titled “Toxic Stress: How Stress is Killing Us and What We Can Do About It.” A 2023 study of stress and aging over the life span – one of the first studies to confirm this piece of common wisdom – found that four measures of stress all speed up the pace of biological aging in midlife. It also found that persistent high stress ages people in a comparable way to the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0000000000001197">effects of smoking and low socioeconomic status</a>, two well-established risk factors for accelerated aging. <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/yiglpsqv5ik?wmode=transparent&start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe><figcaption>Children with alcoholic or drug-addicted parents have a greater risk of developing toxic stress.</figcaption></figure> <h2>The difference between good stress and the toxic kind</h2> Good stress – a demand or challenge you readily cope with – is good for your health. In fact, the rhythm of these daily challenges, including feeding yourself, cleaning up messes, communicating with one another and carrying out your job, helps to regulate your stress response system and keep you fit. Toxic stress, on the other hand, wears down your stress response system in ways that have lasting effects, as psychiatrist and trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk explains in his bestselling book “<a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/313183/the-body-%20keeps-the-score-by-bessel-van-der-kolk-md/">The Body Keeps the Score</a>.” The earliest effects of toxic stress are often persistent symptoms such as headache, fatigue or abdominal pain that interfere with overall functioning. After months of initial symptoms, a full-blown illness with a life of its own – such as migraine headaches, asthma, diabetes or ulcerative colitis – may surface. When we are healthy, our stress response systems are like an orchestra of organs that miraculously tune themselves and play in unison without our conscious effort – a process called self-regulation. But when we are sick, some parts of this orchestra struggle to regulate themselves, which causes a cascade of stress-related dysregulation that contributes to other conditions. For instance, in the case of diabetes, the hormonal system struggles to regulate sugar. With obesity, the metabolic system has a difficult time regulating energy intake and consumption. With depression, the central nervous system develops an imbalance in its circuits and neurotransmitters that makes it difficult to regulate mood, thoughts and behaviors. <h2>‘Treating’ stress</h2> Though stress neuroscience in recent years has given researchers like me <a href="https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0000000000001051">new ways to measure and understand stress</a>, you may have noticed that in your doctor’s office, the management of stress isn’t typically part of your treatment plan. Most doctors don’t assess the contribution of stress to a patient’s common chronic diseases such as diabetes, heart disease and obesity, partly because stress is complicated to measure and partly because it is difficult to treat. In general, doctors don’t treat what they can’t measure. Stress neuroscience and epidemiology have also taught researchers recently that the chances of developing serious mental and physical illnesses in midlife rise dramatically when people are exposed to trauma or adverse events, especially during <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/ace-brfss.html">vulnerable periods such as childhood</a>. Over the past 40 years in the U.S., the alarming rise in <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/diabetes/health-equity/diabetes-by-the-numbers.html">rates of diabetes</a>, <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hestat/obesity-child-17-18/overweight-obesity-child-H.pdf">obesity</a>, depression, PTSD, <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db433.htm">suicide</a> and addictions points to one contributing factor that these different illnesses share: toxic stress. Toxic stress increases the risk for the onset, progression, complications or early death from these illnesses. <h2>Suffering from toxic stress</h2> Because the definition of toxic stress varies from one person to another, it’s hard to know how many people struggle with it. One starting point is the fact that about 16% of adults report having been exposed to <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/fastfact.html">four or more adverse events in childhood</a>. This is the threshold for higher risk for illnesses in adulthood. Research dating back to before the COVID-19 pandemic also shows that about 19% of adults in the U.S. have <a href="https://doi.org/10.7249/TL221">four or more chronic illnesses</a>. If you have even one chronic illness, you can imagine how stressful four must be. And about 12% of the U.S. population <a href="https://blogs.worldbank.org/opendata/introducing-second-edition-world-banks-global-subnational-atlas-poverty">lives in poverty</a>, the epitome of a life in which demands exceed resources every day. For instance, if a person doesn’t know how they will get to work each day, or doesn’t have a way to fix a leaking water pipe or resolve a conflict with their partner, their stress response system can never rest. One or any combination of threats may keep them on high alert or shut them down in a way that prevents them from trying to cope at all. Add to these overlapping groups all those who struggle with harassing relationships, homelessness, captivity, severe loneliness, living in high-crime neighborhoods or working in or around noise or air pollution. It seems conservative to estimate that about 20% of people in the U.S. live with the effects of toxic stress. <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/WuyPuH9ojCE?wmode=transparent&start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe><figcaption>Exercise, meditation and a healthy diet help fight toxic stress.</figcaption></figure> <h2>Recognizing and managing stress and its associated conditions</h2> The first step to managing stress is to recognize it and talk to your primary care clinician about it. The clinician may do an assessment involving a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0000000000001051">self-reported measure of stress</a>. The next step is treatment. Research shows that it is possible to retrain a dysregulated stress response system. This approach, <a href="https://lifestylemedicine.org/">called “lifestyle medicine</a>,” focuses on improving health outcomes through changing high-risk health behaviors and adopting daily habits that help the stress response system self-regulate. Adopting these lifestyle changes is not quick or easy, but it works. The <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/diabetes/prevention/index.html">National Diabetes Prevention Program</a>, the <a href="https://www.ornish.com/">Ornish “UnDo” heart disease program</a> and the <a href="https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand_tx/tx_basics.asp">U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs PTSD program</a>, for example, all achieve a slowing or reversal of stress-related chronic conditions through weekly support groups and guided daily practice over six to nine months. These programs help teach people how to practice personal regimens of stress management, diet and exercise in ways that build and sustain their new habits. There is now strong evidence that it is possible to treat toxic stress in ways that improve health outcomes for people with stress-related conditions. The next steps include finding ways to expand the recognition of toxic stress and, for those affected, to expand access to these new and effective approaches to treatment.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/222245/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lawson-r-wulsin-1493655">Lawson R. Wulsin</a>, Professor of Psychiatry and Family Medicine, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-cincinnati-1717">University of Cincinnati</a> Image credits: Getty Images This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-much-stress-is-too-much-a-psychiatrist-explains-the-links-between-toxic-stress-and-poor-health-and-how-to-get-help-222245">original article</a>.

Mind

‘Why didn’t we know?’ is no excuse. Non-Indigenous Australians must listen to the difficult historical truths told by First Nations people

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/heidi-norman-859">Heidi Norman</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-technology-sydney-936">University of Technology Sydney</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/anne-maree-payne-440459">Anne Maree Payne</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-technology-sydney-936">University of Technology Sydney</a> Big things are being asked of history in 2023. Later this year, we will vote in the referendum to enshrine an Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander representative body – the <a href="https://theconversation.com/10-questions-about-the-voice-to-parliament-answered-by-the-experts-207014">Voice to Parliament</a> – in the Australian constitution. The Voice was introduced through the Uluru Statement from the Heart, which outlines reforms to advance treaty and truth, in that order. And it calls for “truth telling about our history”. Truth-telling has been key to restoring trust and repairing relationships in post-conflict settings around the world. Historical truth-telling is increasingly seen as an important part of restorative justice in settler-colonial contexts. The UN recognises the “<a href="https://www.un.org/en/observances/right-to-truth-day">right to truth</a>”. It’s important to restore dignity to victims of human rights violations – and to ensure such violations never happen again. But there’s also a collective right to understand historical oppression. The Uluru Statement, too, <a href="https://theconversation.com/first-nations-people-have-made-a-plea-for-truth-telling-by-reckoning-with-its-past-australia-can-finally-help-improve-our-future-202137">sees truth-telling</a> as essential for achieving justice for Australia’s First Nations people. A successful “Yes” referendum outcome has the potential to make history. The Voice will structure a more effective relationship between Aboriginal nations or peoples and government. It will better represent Indigenous interests and rights in Australia’s policy development and service delivery. However modest this reform, the Voice is outstanding business for the nation. But the Uluru statement’s call for “truth-telling about our history” will prove more difficult. <h2>Barriers to ‘truth hearing’</h2> “Why didn’t we know?” non-Indigenous Australians still lament when confronted with accounts of past violence and injustice against Indigenous Australians, despite decades of curriculum reform. Our current research reflects on the barriers to “truth hearing”. The barriers are not just structural. Negative attitudes need to be overcome, too. Researchers have noted <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/340480495_NEW_Preface">the levels of</a> “disaffection, disinterest and denial of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander history”. They’ve also lamented the piecemeal nature of current educational approaches. <a href="https://www.newsouthbooks.com.au/books/historys-children_history-wars-in-the-classroom/">Anna Clark’s research</a> on attitudes in schools towards learning Australia history – particularly Indigenous history – shows that students experience Australian history as both repetitive and incomplete, “taught to death but not in-depth”. Bain Attwood has <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/48554763">convincingly argued</a> that early settler denial of the violence of Indigenous dispossession was followed by a century of historical denial. History as a discipline, he argues, needs to reckon with the truth about its own role in supporting <a href="https://theconversation.com/truth-telling-and-giving-back-how-settler-colonials-are-coming-to-terms-with-painful-family-histories-145165">settler colonialism</a>. <h2>50+ years of Aboriginal history</h2> For more than 50 years, historians have produced an enormous body of work that’s brought Aboriginal perspectives and experiences into most areas of Australian history – including gender, class, race, <a href="https://theconversation.com/friday-essay-when-did-australias-human-history-begin-87251">deep history</a> and global histories. Until the late 1970s, academic interest in Aboriginal worlds was led by mostly white anthropologists and their gaze was set to the traditional north. But historians were then challenged to address the “silence” of their profession when it came to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples. They needed to write them into history. This meant “restoring” the Aboriginal worlds omitted in the Australian history texts of the 20th century. This called for new ways of doing research: oral history, re-evaluating the archive, drawing on a wider range of sources than the official and written text. Today, some historians work with scientists and traditional knowledge holders to tell stories over much longer time periods. For example, Australian National University’s <a href="https://re.anu.edu.au/">Centre for Deep History</a> is exploring Australia’s deep past, with the aim of expanding history’s time, scale and scope. And the <a href="https://www.monash.edu/arts/monash-indigenous-studies/global-encounters-and-first-nations-peoples">Global Encounters and First Nations Peoples</a> Monash project, led by Lynette Russell, applies interdisciplinary approaches to consider a range of encounters by First Nations peoples over the past millennium, challenging the view that the Australian history “began” with British colonisation. On the other side of the sandstone gates, an incredible flourishing of historically informed Aboriginal creative works has taken centre stage in Australian cultural life. This includes biographies, memoirs, literature, painting, documentary and performance: often with large audiences and readerships. They are all forms of truth-telling. In <a href="https://press.anu.edu.au/publications/black-words-white-page">Black Words, White Page</a> (2004), Adam Shoemaker details the extent of Aboriginal writing focused on Australian history from 1929 to 1988: writers like <a href="https://ia.anu.edu.au/biography/noonuccal-oodgeroo-18057">Oodgeroo Noonuccal</a>, <a href="https://ia.anu.edu.au/biography/davis-jack-17788">Jack Davis</a>, <a href="https://ia.anu.edu.au/biography/gilbert-kevin-john-18569">Kevin Gilbert</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/charles-perkins-forced-australia-to-confront-its-racist-past-his-fight-for-justice-continues-today-139303">Charles Perkins</a>. This body of work – and much more since – conveys an Aboriginal interpretation of past events, through oral history and veneration of leaders and heroes, drawing together the past and future. Some early examples include Wiradjuri man Robert (Bobby) Merritt’s <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-great-australian-plays-the-cake-man-and-the-indigenous-mission-experience-88854">The Cake Man</a> (1975), set on a rural mission, which explores causes of despair, particularly for Aboriginal men. It was performed by the then newly formed <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Black_Theatre_(Australia)">Black Theatre</a> in Redfern in the same year it was published. Indigenous autobiographies, like Ruby Langford Ginibi’s <a href="https://www.uqp.com.au/books/dont-take-your-love-to-town-2">Don’t Take Your Love to Town</a> (1988), just reissued in UQP’s First Nations Classics series, and Rita Huggins’ biography <a href="https://shop.aiatsis.gov.au/products/auntie-rita-revised-edition">Auntie Rita</a> (1994) are realist accounts of Aboriginal lives, devoid of moralism or victimology. Many more have followed, including Tara June Winch’s novel <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-yield-wins-the-miles-franklin-a-powerful-story-of-violence-and-forms-of-resistance-142284">The Yield</a> (2019), winner of the 2020 Stella prize for literature. Through Wiradjuri language, she gathers the history of invasion and loss – and survival in the present. Indigenous artists are exploring ways to represent the past in the present: overlaid, but still present and continuous. Jonathon Jones’ 2020 <a href="https://mhnsw.au/whats-on/exhibitions/untitled-maraong-manaouwi/">artwork</a> to commemorate the reopening of the Sydney Hyde Park Barracks, built originally in 1817 to house convicts, is one example. Jones <a href="https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=374269496789482">explained</a> the installation’s interchangeable use of the broad arrow and maraong manaóuwi (emu footprint) as a matter of perspective: one observer will see the emu print, another the broad arrow. Each marker, within its own sphere of significance, served similar purposes. The emu print is known to be engraved into the sandstone ledges of the Sydney basin and marked a people and their place. The broad arrow inscribed institutional place and direction. Jones wants to show how the landscape can be written over – but never lost – to those who hold its memory. <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/WPGcFDw5c_s?wmode=transparent&start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe><figcaption>Jonathan Jones’ artwork is part of an incredible flourishing of historically informed Aboriginal creative works.</figcaption></figure> <a href="https://www.uapcompany.com/projects/the-eyes-of-the-land-and-the-sea">The Eyes of the Land and the Sea</a>, by artists Alison Page and Nik Lachajczak, commemorates the 250th anniversary of the 1770 encounter between Aboriginal Australians and Lt James Cook’s crew of the HMB Endeavour at Kamay Botany Bay National Park. This work, too, represents the duality of interpretation and meaning. The monumental bronze sculpture takes the form of the rib bones of a whale – and simultaneously, the hull of the HMB Endeavour. This body of work by dedicated educators, researchers, artists and families has been highly contested. <h2>Truth-telling, healing and restorative justice</h2> Many non-Indigenous Australians are interested in – but anxious about – truth-telling, our early research findings suggest. They don’t know how to get involved and are unsure about their role. Indigenous respondents are deeply committed to truth-telling. But they have anxieties about the process, too. Only 6% of non-Indigenous respondents to Reconciliation Australia’s most recent <a href="https://www.reconciliation.org.au/publication/2022-australian-reconciliation-barometer/">Reconciliation Barometer report</a> had participated in a truth-telling activity (processes that seek to engage with a fuller account of Australian history and its ongoing legacy for First Nations peoples) in the previous 12 months. However, 43% of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander respondents had participated in truth-telling. Truth-telling is seen as an important part of healing, but there is uncertainty about its potential to deliver a more just future for First Nations peoples. And it’s acknowledged that <a href="https://theconversation.com/albanese-is-promising-truth-telling-in-our-australian-education-system-heres-what-needs-to-happen-191420">truth-telling</a> might emphasise divisions and differences between Indigenous and non-Indigenous Australians. There are also concerns about <a href="https://theconversation.com/more-than-half-of-australians-will-experience-trauma-most-before-they-turn-17-we-need-to-talk-about-it-159801">trauma</a> and issues of cultural safety. But during the regional dialogues that led to the Uluru Statement from the Heart, the demand for truth-telling was unanimous from the Indigenous community representatives. Constitutional reform should only proceed if it “tells the truth of history”, they agreed. This was a key guiding principle that emerged from the process. Why does truth-telling remain a central demand? The final report of the <a href="https://www.aph.gov.au/constitutionalrecognition">Joint Select Committee on Constitutional Recognition relating to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples</a> described its multiple dimensions. Truth-telling is a foundational requirement for healing and reconciliation. It’s also a form of restorative justice – and a process for Indigenous people to share their culture and history with the broader community. It builds wider understanding of the intergenerational trauma experienced by Indigenous Australians. And it creates awareness of the relationship between past injustices and contemporary issues. “Truth-telling cannot be just a massacre narrative in which First Nations peoples are yet again dispossessed of agency and identity,” <a href="https://research.usq.edu.au/item/q6316/teaching-as-truth-telling-a-demythologising-pedagogy-for-the-australian-frontier-wars">argue</a> Indigenous educators Alison Bedford and Vince Wall. Indigenous agency and the long struggle for Indigenous rights need to be recognised. And there is an ongoing need to deconstruct Australia’s national foundational myths. A focus on military engagements overseas has obscured the violent dispossession of First Nations Australians at home. As Ann Curthoys argued more than two decades ago, white Australians positioned themselves as heroic strugglers to cement their moral claim to the land. This myth overlooked their role in dispossessing First Nations people. <h2>Makarrata Commission</h2> The Uluru Statement called for <a href="https://theconversation.com/response-to-referendum-council-report-suggests-a-narrow-path-forward-on-indigenous-constitutional-reform-80315">a Makarrata Commission</a> to be established to oversee “agreement-making” and “truth-telling” processes between governments and Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples. As part of its commitment to the full implementation of the Uluru Statement from the Heart, the current federal government committed $5.8 million in funding in 2022 to start the work of establishing the Commission. Yet few details have been provided so far about the form truth-telling mechanisms might adopt. And there’s been little acknowledgement that the desire to “tell the truth” about the past runs counter to the contemporary study of history, which sees history as a complex and ongoing process – rather than a set of fixed “facts” or “truths”. Worimi historian <a href="https://www.newcastle.edu.au/profile/john-maynard">John Maynard</a> describes Aboriginal history research as generative: the work reinforces and sustains Aboriginal worlds – and it reflects a yearning for truth by Aboriginal people that was denied. The impact of colonisation not only targeted the fracturing of Aboriginal people but, as Maynard says, “a state of forgetting and detachment from our past”. Wiradjuri historian <a href="https://researchers.anu.edu.au/researchers/bamblett-l">Lawrence Bamblett</a> develops a similar theme. “Our stories are our survival,” <a href="https://onesearch.slq.qld.gov.au/discovery/fulldisplay?vid=61SLQ_INST:SLQ&search_scope=Everything&tab=All&docid=alma9915551944702061&lang=en&context=L&adaptor=Local%20Search%20Engine&query=sub,exact,Australia%20--%20Race%20relations%20--%20History,AND&mode=advanced&offset=10">he says</a>, in his account of Aboriginal approaches to history. Consider the dedicated labour to <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/religion/heidi-norman-bob-weatherall-weve-got-to-bring-them-home/13962068">return Ancestral Remains to their country</a>. Consider the the work of Aboriginal people to restore the graves of their family and community on the old missions. And the work to document sites, such as <a href="https://youtu.be/gTh2rV_VuwQ">Tulladunna cotton chipping Aboriginal camp</a>, on the plains country of north west New South Wales. Some of this dedicated labour to care for the past is made possible by the recognition of Aboriginal land rights. Aboriginal communities are documenting their history in order to communicate across generations – and to create belonging, sustain community futures and know themselves. These processes of documenting and remembering Aboriginal stories of the past are less concerned with the state, and settler hostility. They are <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-the-dark-emu-debate-limits-representation-of-aboriginal-people-in-australia-163006">unburdened by categorising time</a>. The “old people” or “1788” appear irrelevant in the enthusiasm for living social and cultural history. That history is not confined to the “fixed in time” histories called upon in Native Title litigation, or the debates among historians and their detractors over method and evidence. Nor is it confined to the moral weight of such accounts in the national story. <h2>History and political questions</h2> When discussing Aboriginal history, there is an unbreakable link between the history being studied and the present. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Presentism_(literary_and_historical_analysis)">Presentism</a> – the concern that the past is interpreted through the lens of the present – and the concept of the “activist historian” can both impact on the way Aboriginal history is perceived or judged. Disdain for “presentism” has leaked into contemporary discussions recently. A <a href="https://www.historians.org/publications-and-directories/perspectives-on-history/september-2022/is-history-history-identity-politics-and-teleologies-of-the-present">widely criticised column</a> by the president of the American Historical Association – James Sweet, a historian of Africa and the African diaspora – is a recent example. He argued that the increasing tendency to interpret the past through the lens of the present, plummeting enrolments in undergraduate history courses and a greater focus on the 20th and 21st centuries all put history at risk of being mobilised “to justify rather than inform contemporary political positions”. These are not new debates. They have taken place within and outside the academy across the world, including in Australia. But the realities of the histories of <a href="https://theconversation.com/eliza-batman-the-irish-convict-reinvented-as-melbournes-founding-mother-was-both-colonised-and-coloniser-on-two-violent-frontiers-206189">colonisation</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/unpapering-the-cracks-sugar-slavery-and-the-sydney-morning-herald-202828">slavery</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/empire-of-delusion-the-sun-sets-on-british-imperial-credibility-89309">imperialism</a> mean they continue to have an impact in the present. Reparations and apologies happen because of the work of historians and others. They are real-world, present impacts of the work being undertaken. It’s the role of historians to understand the past on its own terms – and to produce work relevant to contemporary political questions. Applied (or public) history produces this work. In this work, particularly historical work that sits outside the academy, we do often find “truth telling”. For example, in the important work done for the <a href="https://humanrights.gov.au/our-work/bringing-them-home-report-1997">Bringing them Home</a> Commission, the <a href="https://theconversation.com/indigenous-deaths-in-custody-inquests-can-be-sites-of-justice-or-administrative-violence-158126">Aboriginal Deaths in Custody Royal Commission</a> and Native Title claims in courts. But somehow, these efforts at truth-telling – and other historical research conducted since colonisation – seem not to have impacted on the overall “history” of Australia. <h2>Forgetting and resistance</h2> As the referendum vote edges closer, Australians are being asked to make provisions for the First Peoples to have a role in the political process – and the decisions that impact them. The challenge to address the “<a href="https://theconversation.com/friday-essay-the-great-australian-silence-50-years-on-100737">Great Australian Silence</a>” – to include First Peoples in the stories of the nation, where they were otherwise omitted – has been largely addressed by the significant body of historical work added over the last 50 or more years. That work, and the correction it has delivered, has generated discomfort and hostility. Yet Australians’ appreciation – and even awareness – of the history of its First Nations people remains deeply unsatisfactory. There is now little justification for the laments Why weren’t we told? or How come we didn’t know?. Our undergraduate students continue to ask these questions, though. Australia has a difficult relationship – a kind of historical amnesia; a forgetting and resistance – to hearing those First Nations stories. That resistance is much deeper than simply being told. The current focus on truth-telling will once again draw our attention to dealing with difficult history. This time, different questions need to be asked. Not why didn’t I know? But how can I find out? <hr /> Heidi Norman and Anne Maree Payne will be presenting their research at the upcoming 50th Milestones Anniversary of the Australian Historical Association. Heidi will deliver the keynote address, <a href="https://web-eur.cvent.com/event/f99aac02-b195-46e5-b1d9-bf5183aea6fc/websitePage:150e8a3c-395b-4de3-bf2b-98ac8be5929e">The End of Aboriginal History?</a><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/208780/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/heidi-norman-859">Heidi Norman</a>, Professor, Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-technology-sydney-936">University of Technology Sydney</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/anne-maree-payne-440459">Anne Maree Payne</a>, Senior Lecturer, Centre for the Advancement of Indigenous Knowledges, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-technology-sydney-936">University of Technology Sydney</a> Image credits: Getty Images This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-didnt-we-know-is-no-excuse-non-indigenous-australians-must-listen-to-the-difficult-historical-truths-told-by-first-nations-people-208780">original article</a>.

Caring

Woman praised for confronting pickpockets

An Italian woman has generated a lot of praise after her “brilliant” way of calling out pickpockets disguised as tourists has gone viral. Monica, 57, is part of a volunteer group called Cittadini Non Distratti, meaning "Citizens not distracted," which aims to to disturb and prevent active pickpockets in the popular tourist destination. She works alongside 40 other volunteers and has dedicated 30 years of her life saving tourists from the sneaky snatchers, and they’re doing it out of sheer goodwill. "People are pickpocketed for their American or English passport, then to return to their country they have to go to the embassy in [...] Rome," Monica told Newsweek. "This incurs additional expenses for them, so it is better to prevent this by warning tourists of the problem." The videos, which were originally posted on Facebook, have gained the attention of a younger audience after they started posting on TikTok. "We decided to make our videos go viral to inform tourists to be careful," she said. "There is a lack of prevention and information about what is happening in the city and we are all happy that these videos are letting people see the problem in Venice and throughout Italian cities." Many of the volunteers have their own way of weeding out the pickpockets, with some using a deafening whistle to capture the attention of everyone around them. Others just call out “attention pickpocket” in both English and Italian then proceed to shoo away the pickpockets, telling them to “go away” and for tourists to “watch out for their wallets”. <div><iframe title="tiktok embed" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2Fembed%2Fv2%2F7248214400102944027&display_name=tiktok&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2F%40minutesofentertainment%2Fvideo%2F7248214400102944027&image=https%3A%2F%2Fp16-sign-va.tiktokcdn.com%2Fobj%2Ftos-useast2a-p-0037-euttp%2F22dfb064ae9640a7b60ede7892167b41_1687606456%3Fx-expires%3D1687755600%26x-signature%3DkrwLySytAL%252FmznIUf7jxQKln%252Bl4%253D&key=5b465a7e134d4f09b4e6901220de11f0&type=text%2Fhtml&schema=tiktok" width="340" height="700" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div> In the video that has gone viral, the pickpockets can be seen scurrying away from the crowd as soon as these volunteers call them out. Although the original video and account “citadininondistratti” got banned on TikTok, many other accounts have reposted and reshared the content. Many have commented their praise for the group, despite local police officers reportedly not supporting this form of <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/woman-cheered-confronting-suspected-pickpockets-targeting-tourist-1807553" target="_blank" rel="noopener">vigilante justice</a>. “Thank you for your service ma’am,” wrote one person. “Brilliant 👏” wrote a second person. “I was in Rome, both times I was on the train the locals warned and pushed the pickpockets away from me. Love the locals,” wrote a third. “She called them purse thieves in Italian,” commented one amused person. Images: TikTok

Travel Trouble

Ethical non-monogamy: what to know about these often misunderstood relationships

Imagine Sarah and John have been in a <a href="https://www.queerlit.co.uk/products/rewriting-the-rules?_pos=1&_sid=0287cd7c7&_ss=r">monogamous relationship</a> for five years. Although they love each other, Sarah, who is bisexual, has recently started feeling an attraction to her coworker, Andrea. This has led to several sexual encounters, leaving Sarah feeling guilty. However, she has not talked to John about her feelings or experiences with Andrea. No matter how much you love your partner, it’s common to feel attracted to someone outside of a relationship. Some couples may even want sexual encounters with other people. It can be difficult to navigate these feelings, especially when they conflict with the commitment and promises made in the relationship. While the sex between Sarah and Andrea was consensual, Sarah engaged in non-consensual sex by stepping outside of her monogamous relationship without John’s consent. There is growing curiosity about ethical or consensual <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2022.101468">non-monogamous relationships</a>, particularly among young people. YouGov data found that 43% of millennial Americans say their <a href="https://today.yougov.com/topics/society/articles-reports/2020/01/31/millennials-monogamy-poly-poll-survey-data">ideal relationship</a> is non-monogamous, even if few are in such a relationship. And a survey commissioned by sex toy brand <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/throuples-restaurants-valentines-day-b2010151.html">Lelo</a>, found that 28% of aged 18 to 24 would consider an open relationship. What makes non-monogamy “ethical” is an emphasis on <a href="https://bettymartin.org/videos/">agreed, ongoing consent</a> and mutual respect. All parties involved are fully aware of the situation and voluntarily agree to participate. Partners are free to change their minds at any time and (re)negotiate boundaries that work for everyone involved. Ethical non-monogamy can take many forms, including <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8321986/">polyamory</a>, open relationships and <a href="https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1348/014466606X143153">swinging</a>. These relationships are often <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/epub/10.1177/01461672221139086">stigmatised</a> and misunderstood. They challenge the traditional notion of monogamy, which is commonly viewed in most western and religious societies as the only acceptable way of engaging in romantic relationships. Yet <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1948550619897157">research has shown</a> that consensual non-monogamy can have positive effects on relationships and the people in them. People in consensual non-monogamous relationships have <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1088868312467087?casa_token=We5Fp9hOPjQAAAAA:LI0m000j1SwvqGMbCVWekUcZ5z9DfqzuMmUtdIi59-OJiEZJ0_EjxlYq3pU6xcUZr5jIG9vlvXxztA">reported</a> higher levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction and greater <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/19419899.2011.631571">relational intimacy</a> than people in monogamous relationships. <h2>Misconceptions and stigma</h2> One <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s13178-021-00667-7">stigmatising view</a> is that people in non-monogamous relationships pose a greater risk to their partners’ sexual health. This is based on the assumption that having multiple sexual partners increases the likelihood of <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/282130422_A_Comparison_of_Sexual_Health_History_and_Practices_among_Monogamous_and_Consensually_Nonmonogamous_Sexual_Partners">sexually transmitted infections</a> (STIs). However, research shows that people in open and non-monogamous relationships have <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S174360951534008X?via%3Dihub">safer sex practices</a> than monogamous, but unfaithful partners. Ethical non-monogamy can be a safer outlet for sexual expression compared with monogamous relationships that have led to <a href="https://academic.oup.com/jsm/article-abstract/12/10/2022/6966715">cheating</a> where someone ends up passing an STI to their partner. In healthy relationships, partners recognise that each person has their own unique sexual preferences and <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s13178-021-00667-7">diverse needs</a>. For consensually non-monogamous partners, this means understanding that their primary relationship may not always fulfil all their sexual desires. Although jealousy can still exist within non-monogamous relationships, <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/1041794X.2018.1531916">research</a> has found that it can be more <a href="https://nsuworks.nova.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3297&context=tqr">manageable</a> than in monogamous ones. This is because, in secure non-monogamous partnerships, there are open discussions about sexual attraction and setting boundaries, where partners can address jealousy anxiety. <h2>Exploring non-monogamy</h2> Ethical non-monogamy is not for everyone. You should only explore this type of relationship if it feels comfortable, you seek appropriate consent and the existing relationship is solid. Outsiders often hold the <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33990929/">stereotypical</a> view that people only engage in ENM if their current relationship is unstable. If you decide that it’s right for you, keep the following in mind. 1. Communicate openly Communication is important in any relationship, but especially critical in ENM relationships. Partners must be transparent and honest about their intentions, feelings, expectations and boundaries. People in non-monogamous relationships need to be aware of their emotional boundaries and be prepared to navigate feelings of <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-018-1286-4">jealousy</a>. 2. Practice safe sex Sexual health is key regardless of your relationship status or style. Get tested regularly for STIs and to use protection during sexual encounters to minimise the risk of transmission. 3. Stop shame Managing stigma is one of the most difficult parts of an ENM relationship. When people are socialised to believe that having multiple partners is wrong or immoral, this can lead to feelings of shame and self-doubt. It is important to recognise that consensually non-monogamous and multipartnered relationships are a valid lifestyle choice. You can seek support from like-minded people or talk to a sex and relationship therapist if necessary. While non-monogamy is not everyone’s cup of tea, these tips can be helpful for any relationship. Ultimately, it is essential to keep communication, consent and respect at the heart of your partnership. Image credit: Shutterstock This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/ethical-non-monogamy-what-to-know-about-these-often-misunderstood-relationships-200785" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.

Relationships

"The opposite of wellness": Gwyneth Paltrow slammed over "toxic" daily routine

Gwyneth Paltrow has been slammed online for sharing her "detox" wellness routine, making people question her definition of "wellness". The Goop founder appeared on the The Art of Being Well podcast with Dr. Will Cole, where she shared her insanely strict daily regime. The 50-year-old touched on a series of topics, including keyboard warriors and "conscious uncoupling", but it was her comments about her routine and diet that caused the biggest upset. A 40 second clip of the hour long interview has gone viral on TikTok, as Paltrow answered Dr. Cole's question: "What does your wellness routine look like right now?" <div class="embed" style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline: none !important;"><iframe class="embedly-embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 610px; max-width: 100%; outline: none !important;" title="tiktok embed" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2Fembed%2Fv2%2F7210104654460521774&display_name=tiktok&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2F%40dearmedia%2Fvideo%2F7210104654460521774&image=https%3A%2F%2Fp16-sign.tiktokcdn-us.com%2Fobj%2Ftos-useast5-p-0068-tx%2F17cff0a159f0493eaee1639d24531142%3Fx-expires%3D1678921200%26x-signature%3D2lWmwOFgi5LyMZXZha769GLwnG4%253D&key=59e3ae3acaa649a5a98672932445e203&type=text%2Fhtml&schema=tiktok" width="340" height="700" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div> The actress says, "I eat dinner early in the evening. I do a nice intermittent fast." "I usually eat something about 12 and in the morning I have things that won't spike my blood sugar so I have coffee." "But I really like soup for lunch. I have bone broth for lunch a lot of the days. Try to do one hour of movement, so I'll either take a walk or I'll do Pilates or I'll do my Tracy Anderson." "And then I dry brush and I get in the sauna. So I do my infrared sauna for 30 minutes and then for dinner I try to eat according to paleo - so lots of vegetables." She concluded, "It's really important for me to support my detox." The strict regime welcomed a flood of criticism online, as many questioned Paltrow's definition of the word "wellness". One shocked user wrote, "Is starving wellness?" while another added, "I feel light headed just listening to this." A third person simply said, "I relate to nothing in this video", while another outraged viewer wrote, "Is this wellness? Or is this punishment?" However, the criticism did not stop there as professional dietitians also weighed in with their own thoughts. Expert Lauren Cadillac created a duet with the clip on the video sharing platform to share her reaction to Gwyneth's revelations. In it, the nutritionist repeatedly rolls her eyes, shakes her head, and gasps before claiming "bone broth is not a meal." She concludes, "This is not enough food. Support you detox from WHAT?! You're not eating anything." Another nutritionist weighed in on her routine, simply stating, "This is not wellness. This is not health. This is clinically concerning and toxic behaviour, and it's horrific that it's packaged as new age wellness." Image credits: TikTok / Instagram

Body

Toxic pollutants can build up inside our homes. Here are 8 ways to reduce the risks

We know everything in our homes gathers dust. What you probably don’t know is whether there are toxic contaminants in your house dust, and where these might come from. Our <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.envres.2022.115173">newly published research</a> found most of the dust inside homes came from outside and contains potentially toxic trace metals such as lead, arsenic and chromium. Worryingly, we found some contaminants can accumulate at higher concentrations inside homes than outside. This happened in homes with certain characteristics: older properties, metal construction materials enriched in zinc, recent renovations and deteriorating paint. Fortunately, you can take some simple steps to reduce your exposure, which we explain later. <h2>What’s in house dust?</h2> Our study explored the connected sources, pathways and potentially harmful exposures to trace metals at homes across Sydney. We collected and analysed 383 samples from nearby road dust (51 samples) and garden soil (166), as well as indoor dust (166). We found the dust in homes comes from a range of sources including outdoor environments and soil, skin, cleaning products, pet hair and cooking particles. Nearly 60% of dust particles inside the homes originated from their immediate outdoor environment – it was <a href="https://theconversation.com/wearing-shoes-in-the-house-is-just-plain-gross-the-verdict-from-scientists-who-study-indoor-contaminants-177542">dirt from outside</a>! Wind, your shoes or your pets can carry in <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0160412021002075?via%3Dihub">soil</a> and <a href="https://pubs.acs.org/doi/10.1021/acs.est.1c04494">dust</a>-related contaminants. The remaining 40% of home dust came from indoor sources. These included <a href="https://theconversation.com/microplastics-are-common-in-homes-across-29-countries-new-research-shows-whos-most-at-risk-189051">fibres from clothes, carpets and furnishings</a>, cleaning products, skin and hair. Some dust sources can carry a cocktail of potentially harmful contaminants including: <ul> <li> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.envpol.2021.117064">microplastics</a> </li> <li> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.envres.2014.10.009">persistent organic pollutants</a> </li> <li> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.scitotenv.2019.05.463">perfluorinated chemicals</a> (PFAS) </li> <li> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.envpol.2021.117593">trace metals</a> </li> <li> <a href="https://doi.org/10.3389/fenvs.2021.754657">bacterial communities</a> </li> <li> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.envint.2021.106501">antimicrobial resistance genes</a>. </li> </ul> The nature of the risk is related to how much of the contaminant you’re exposed to and for how long. The risks are greatest in children under the age of five. This is because they are small, closer to the floor and have frequent hand-mouth contact, which increases ingestion of contaminants. <h2>How do contaminants build up in homes?</h2> Industrial activity has left a marked legacy of contaminants in many city neighbourhoods. We analysed road dust, garden soil and vacuum dust samples from 166 homes in Sydney to see how this risk translated to inside homes. We used high-magnification microscopy and <a href="https://www.climate-policy-watcher.org/earth-sciences/lead-isotopes-as-tools-for-source-identification.html">lead isotopic ratios</a> to understand trace metal composition in the samples. On average, concentrations of trace metals arsenic, chromium, copper, manganese, lead and zinc were all higher inside homes than outside. This means homes are not only “accumulators” of trace metal contaminants but also important sources of a significant proportion of harmful contaminants that we can be exposed to. The lead isotopic ratios, or the lead “fingerprints”, of each home and its garden soil matched. This confirms the soil is the main source of lead inside homes. Most of this lead is the result of the pre-1970s use of high concentrations of lead in <a href="https://www.dcceew.gov.au/environment/protection/chemicals-management/lead/lead-in-house-paint">paints</a> and <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.apgeochem.2017.02.007">petrol</a>, which contaminated many garden soils. Even <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-lead-is-dangerous-and-the-damage-it-does-116506">low levels of lead exposure</a> can be harmful. Lead levels in some <a href="https://theconversation.com/elevated-lead-levels-in-sydney-back-yards-heres-what-you-can-do-68499">Sydney backyards</a> pose a risk for <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.dib.2021.107151">urban veggie growers</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/backyard-hens-eggs-contain-40-times-more-lead-on-averagethan-shop-eggs-research-finds-187442">backyard chickens and their eggs</a>. High-magnification images of house dust showed mineral particles that have been blown in or tracked in on shoes. The rest of the dust was elongated fibres and hair from indoor sources. <h2>Which homes are most at risk?</h2> We also collected information about each house, relevant activities and renovations at the property. We found house age, proximity to the city centre and renovations had the greatest influence on levels of lead and other trace metals in the home. All homes more than 50 years old had higher concentrations of arsenic, copper, lead and zinc in their garden soil and house dust. They are typically <a href="https://iupui-earth-science.shinyapps.io/MME_Sydney/">located closer to city centres</a>, where early industrial activity has contaminated soils. As older homes in former industrial areas are renovated, trace metal loads in these homes and gardens can increase. Walls and ceilings contain decades of dust. Old paint buried under more recent layers can also be released, causing <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/backgroundbriefing/3983094">lead exposure risks</a>. It is critical that home renovators take appropriate remediation steps or <a href="https://painters.edu.au/Training-Courses/CPCCPD3031-Work-safely-with-lead-painted-surfaces-in-the-painting-industry.htm">employ a qualified paint professional</a> so lead dust isn’t spread across the area. <h2>8 ways to reduce your risk</h2> We spend about <a href="https://escholarship.org/uc/item/1zg3q68x#main">70% of our time at home</a>, which the pandemic has increased. Understanding the environmental <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/topics/exposome/default.html">conditions and contaminants we encounter</a>and their effects on our health is more important than ever. Armed with this knowledge, though, you can take some simple steps to reduce your exposure to contaminants in your home and garden: <ol> <li> regularly vacuum carpeted areas with a good vacuum cleaner fitted with a <a href="https://www2.education.vic.gov.au/pal/ventilation-air-purification/print-all">HEPA filter</a> </li> <li> wet mop and wet dust hard surfaces </li> <li> mulch areas of exposed soil in your garden </li> <li> use a quality doormat and wash it regularly, which can roughly <a href="https://nrl.northumbria.ac.uk/id/eprint/51148/1/Manuscript_File_Global_Pb_Modeling_Final_clean_1%20%281%29.pdf">halve the amount of lead</a> in your home within three months </li> <li> leave your shoes at the door as they can <a href="https://theconversation.com/wearing-shoes-in-the-house-is-just-plain-gross-the-verdict-from-scientists-who-study-indoor-contaminants-177542">bring all sorts of nasties into the home</a> </li> <li> wash your hands and your veggies thoroughly </li> <li> close windows on windy days </li> <li> when renovating, use dust-mitigation strategies and personal protective equipment (PPE). </li> </ol> You can dig a little deeper into what’s in your own home environment by sending your soil to <a href="https://www.360dustanalysis.com/">VegeSafe Australia</a> or <a href="https://www.epa.vic.gov.au/for-community/get-involved/citizen-science-program/gardensafe">EPA Victoria’s GardenSafe</a> for analysis. If you live in the United States, Canada, United Kingdom or Australia you can also send your vacuum dust to <a href="https://www.360dustanalysis.com/">DustSafe</a> for testing. You will receive a report outlining what was in your sample, with links and advice on what to do next where necessary. Image credits: Getty Images This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/toxic-pollutants-can-build-up-inside-our-homes-here-are-8-ways-to-reduce-the-risks-197908" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.

Home Hints & Tips

“So many non-technical people will fall for this”: New myGov scam that looks real

Australians are being urged to be especially cautious of a new online myGov scam that purports to offer hundreds of dollars in tax refunds – and once you click through, the interfaces are so expertly copied that even highly vigilant scam experts are worried people will be taken in, and could potentially lose all their savings. The email, once it drops in your inbox, will inform you of an outstanding myGov refund, and will appear to genuinely be from the government agency. Email security software company MailGuard raised the alarm this week when it intercepted one of the suspect messages. Once you click through, you’ll be asked to enter login details and billing info. “These details will again be stolen by the criminal and will likely be used for their personal financial gain or sold on the dark web,” MailGuard warns. Space, software and politics expert @oferzelig deliberately went through all the steps to find out what happens, and then published the very disturbing results on Twitter. “A new ‘You have a message from myGov’ scam. I entered the link using a safe sandbox as I was curious,” he wrote. “They mimicked all the major Aussie banks' login pages, the bastards. So many non-technical people will fall for this, unfortunately 😢” <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> A new "You have a message from myGov" scam. I entered the link using a safe sandbox as I was curious. They mimicked all the major Aussie banks' login pages, the bastards. So many non-technical people will fall for this, unfortunately 😢<a href="https://twitter.com/troyhunt?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@troyhunt</a> <a href="https://t.co/ZJ25x9XuoZ">pic.twitter.com/ZJ25x9XuoZ</a> — 𝓞𝓯𝓮𝓻 𝓩𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓰 🚀💻 🇦🇺 🇮🇱 (@oferzelig) <a href="https://twitter.com/oferzelig/status/1610200580076769281?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 3, 2023</a></blockquote> Services Australia, which delivers myGov, is aware of the scam and urged Australians to be on the alert. “We will never send you an email or SMS with a hyperlink directing you to sign in to your myGov account,” it says. “If you get an email like this, don’t open any links, download attachments or respond. “We’ll never ask you to open a link or a file attached to an email.” “When you are signed in to myGov, the messages in your myGov Inbox are secure. It’s safe to open links included in myGov Inbox messages,” it says. Check out all of the images below to see just how convincing the fake pages are – and please be extra cautious! Images: Twitter

Money & Banking

Explainer: why, exactly, is alcohol bad for us long-term?

What, exactly, makes alcohol unhealthy? After a big night, the answer to this might seem obvious – or perhaps more disturbingly, not obvious at all. But even in moderation, alcohol carries longer-term health risks too. So what are they, and why do they happen? Cosmos investigates. <h2>Why is alcohol bad for you long-term?</h2> The biggest culprit is a substance called acetaldehyde. Alcohol – or strictly speaking, ethanol – doesn’t stay that way in the body for long. The body metabolises it and turns it into a few different compounds, mostly acetaldehyde. As well as causing a lot of the symptoms you’d experience during a hangover, like headaches, nausea, and facial flushing, acetaldehyde is a carcinogen. “Acetaldehyde is highly reactive and extremely toxic,” says Dr Leon Booth, a research fellow at the George Institute for Global Health in Sydney. “It binds to different proteins, or to DNA, and it can impair enzyme and cell functions. “Essentially, because it’s so reactive, it increases the risk of cell mutations and therefore increases the risk of a cancer developing.” Globally, around 4% of cancers can be attributed to alcohol. The Lancet estimates that in 2020, there were 741,300 new cancers around the world that came from alcohol consumption. “A lot of them are in the digestive tract, which kind of intuitively makes sense, because that’s where the alcohol is coming into contact with the body,” says Booth. “So there’s an increased risk of cancer in the throat, mouth, oesophagus, liver, in the colon and for females, quite an increased risk for breast cancer.” One study estimates that a bottle of wine per week is roughly the equivalent of smoking 10 cigarettes per week for women, or five cigarettes per week for men. Acetaldehyde doesn’t stay in your body forever: an enzyme called acetaldehyde dehydrogenase, or ALDH, turns it into largely harmless acetic acid, and then eventually on to carbon dioxide and water. But here’s where genetics can play a role in your susceptibility too: some people have a genetic mutation that makes their ALDH enzymes less effective. This gene is particularly common among people of East Asian descent, which is why some East Asian people flush red after only a small drink. Unfortunately, there’s evidence that people with this gene are also more susceptible to cancer. “In studies of Asian populations, they seem to have a much greater risk of getting cancer from alcohol,” says Booth. While cancer and acetaldehyde draw the most attention, alcohol can have other long-term effects too – like high blood pressure and increased risk of strokes. “If you drink heavily and consistently, you get scarring in the liver – cirrhosis, which is also linked to an increased risk of cancers in the liver,” says Booth. Alcohol can also interfere with hormones, causing poorer sleep or – once again – a higher risk of cancer. It’s also linked to mental health issues, like anxiety and depression, but Booth says this can be a “chicken-and-egg situation”. “There’s a lot of literature to suggest that people with mental health issues drink to help cope. But unfortunately, it tends to make things worse.” All in all, not a great wrap. Is there any good news? <h2>Isn’t low or moderate drinking a little bit good for you?</h2> We’ve all seen – and Cosmos has published – headlines about low and moderate drinkers (around 10 or fewer standard drinks per week) doing better in some health metrics, particularly heart disease. Does this really mean that regular low-moderate drinking might be better than not drinking at all? “Long story short, I think the jury’s probably still out on that one,” says Booth. The trick is that a lot of non-drinkers avoid alcohol for health reasons. This is called the “sick quitter” effect. If you develop a health condition, or discover you’re at an increased risk of something like heart disease, often one of the first things a doctor will recommend is that you stop drinking. “What that means is, sometimes when you do these big population studies, the people who don’t drink alcohol can look less healthy than the people who do drink alcohol,” says Booth. While many of these studies have tried to control for the sick quitter effect, and still produced some compelling evidence that low or moderate drinking helps, other studies have found the opposite. “My overall opinion would be that it’s just a bit too early to know, and to really understand that relationship,” says Booth. “And even in those studies, once you get beyond that moderate consumption, alcohol does seem to be really detrimental to cardiovascular health.” So, for now – other than the benefit you get from spending a night at the pub in good company – you probably can’t claim alcohol’s improving your health. We’re as sorry about this as you are. This article originally appeared in <a href="https://cosmosmagazine.com/health/explainer-alcohol-health/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">cosmosmagazine.com</a> and was written by Ellen Phiddian. Image: Shutterstock

Body

Iran: protesters call for move to a non-religious state. What changes would that bring?

My friend was in Tehran during protests after <a href="https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/events-iran-since-mahsa-aminis-arrest-death-custody-2022-10-05/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">the death</a> of Mahsa Amini while in the custody of the morality police (Gasht-e Ershad). My friend went into a grocery shop intending to buy milk. The seller refused to sell anything to her. “Why are you refusing?” she asked. “I can see that you have milk.” “Because you are wearing a hijab,” the seller responded. This is part of a backlash by those who see themselves as oppressed by the Islamic Republic’s discriminatory hijab law, which prosecutes women for not “covering up”. The term hijab is an Arabic word meaning cover. It’s used to refer to different types of covering, from a long-sleeved coat, pants and scarf to the Islamic government’s preferred form of dress, chador, which is a loose-fitting black cloth worn over the entire body. After Mahsa Amini’s killing in September, mass protests broke out over this law and its enforcement. Wearing hijab became obligatory for all Iranian women from April 1983, after the 1979 revolution. Since then, all women have been forced by law to wear hijab (a covering of hair and or body) in public, even non-Muslims and foreigners visiting Iran. If they don’t they face prosecution. The government of Iran, the Islamic Republic, argues that God commands women to wear hijab. This is a government which has leaders who are members of the clergy and merged religious beliefs into state law. But even some Islamic scholars argue that the Qur'an does not suggest that hijab should be <a href="https://yalebooks.yale.edu/book/9780300257311/women-and-gender-in-islam/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">compulsory</a>. Mahsa Amini’s case is polarising Iran: those who rigorously advocate the hijab and religious law are set against those who prefer a <a href="https://time.com/6216024/iran-protests-islamic-republic-response/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">secular state</a>, not run by religious values. This has led the nation to <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/oct/26/iran-at-least-15-killed-after-gunmen-attack-shrine-in-shiraz" target="_blank" rel="noopener">the current upheaval</a>, with <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/oct/08/are-hijab-protests-the-beginning-of-the-end-for-irans-regime" target="_blank" rel="noopener">vast</a> protests across the country, and <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-63410577" target="_blank" rel="noopener">people being killed</a>. At many protests the Iranian resistance chant is <a href="https://www.politico.eu/article/iran-protests-women-life-freedom-mahsa-amini-killing/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Zan, Zendegi, Azadi</a> (#WomenLifeFreedom) is heard. The protesters call for life and liberty to be applicable to everyone (religious and non-religious). A big part of <a href="https://theconversation.com/iran-protests-majority-of-people-reject-compulsory-hijab-and-an-islamic-regime-surveys-find-191448" target="_blank" rel="noopener">the motivation</a> behind these protests is to challenge how the current religious law takes away the right of women to choose what to wear. <h2>What is secularism?</h2> Secularism is the idea that states should be <a href="https://academic.oup.com/book/1881/chapter-abstract/141631825?redirectedFrom=fulltext" target="_blank" rel="noopener">neutral about religion</a>. The state should not <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2012/feb/16/what-mean-secular-state-neutral" target="_blank" rel="noopener">back</a> a specific religion over others. A secular state <a href="https://anthrosource.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1548-1360.2011.01117.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">provides</a> equal opportunity for religious and non-religious citizens to pursue their lives. The state must respect everyone’s values (including minorities), not just some people’s values. Secularism seems reasonable <a href="https://academic.oup.com/book/28394" target="_blank" rel="noopener">to many</a> because it is unusual for an entire nation to believe in a religion as one source of law. Some <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00263206.2019.1643330" target="_blank" rel="noopener">scholars of Islam</a> disagree with the established interpretation of the Islamic Republic about whether God has commanded a mandatory hijab. As a result, they claim that hijab is not about covering hair but about “modesty”. Some others challenge <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/oct/12/iran-hijab-law-protest-ali-larijani" target="_blank" rel="noopener">the way</a> the morality police treat women in the street. While some people might be railing against women being forced to wear the hijab, others continue to feel strongly about its continued use. <a href="https://www.rferl.org/a/iran-qom-women-hijab/31929986.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reports</a> say that Iranian authorities have closed some coffee shops because of the “improper” hijab of some female customers. And more <a href="https://english.alaraby.co.uk/news/iran-detains-woman-eating-breakfast-without-hijab" target="_blank" rel="noopener">recently</a>, a woman was arrested for eating breakfast in a café with no hijab. <h2>Iranian history of secularism</h2> Modern debates about secularism in Iran can be traced back to the <a href="https://www.bloomsbury.com/us/irans-constitutional-revolution-9780755649235/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Constitutional Revolution</a> in 1906. It advocated <a href="https://iranicaonline.org/articles/constitutional-revolution-i" target="_blank" rel="noopener">liberalism and secularism</a> and began conversations about a society without religious rules for all. Iranians experienced enforced secularisation shortly after Reza Shah Pahlavi was <a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/Reza-Shah-Pahlavi" target="_blank" rel="noopener">crowned</a> in 1925. In 1936 he issued a decree <a href="https://www.brookings.edu/opinions/iran-and-the-headscarf-protests/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Kashf-e hijab</a> that any public expression of religious faith, including wearing hijab, was illegal. Again, this was a leader was telling women what to wear. However, his attempt to militantly secularise and westernise Iran faced <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/mono/10.4324/9780203060636-22/banning-veil-consequences-dr-stephanie-cronin" target="_blank" rel="noopener">resistance</a> from society. The overthrow of the Pahlavi dynasty in 1979 led to the establishment of a militant Islamic government based on <a href="https://www.icit-digital.org/books/islam-and-revolution-writings-and-declarations-of-imam-khomeini-1941-1980" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Shia Muslim teachings</a>. After the hijab became <a href="https://www.mei.edu/publications/irans-headscarf-politics" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mandatory</a>, it became a symbol of compulsory faith. It has also played a significant role in pushing some parts of the Iranian population towards a more secular state. In 2022 Iran is experiencing some dramatic shifts, including what appears to be a shift towards secularism. Some argue that secularism is an <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/1979/05/25/archives/khomeini-terms-secular-critics-enemies-of-islam-dictatorship-of-the.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">enemy</a> of religion or a product of <a href="https://nyupress.org/9780814795644/democracy-in-modern-iran/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">western colonisation</a>. Despite the majority of Iranians considering themselves <a href="https://gamaan.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/GAMAAN-Iran-Religion-Survey-2020-English.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">religious</a>, some evidence shows that Iranians are <a href="https://theconversation.com/iran-protests-majority-of-people-reject-compulsory-hijab-and-an-islamic-regime-surveys-find-191448" target="_blank" rel="noopener">less religious</a> than before. Since the Islamic revolution there’s been a lot of research about how Iran could work as a <a href="https://www.routledge.com/Secularization-of-Islam-in-Post-Revolutionary-Iran/Pargoo/p/book/9780367654672" target="_blank" rel="noopener">secular</a> society and about religious <a href="https://brill.com/view/book/9789047400714/B9789047400714_s006.xml" target="_blank" rel="noopener">tolerance</a>. The current protest movement, led mainly by <a href="https://www.mei.edu/publications/irans-rising-generation-z-forefront-protests" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Gen Z in Iran</a>, is growing partly because of its use of the internet and social media to communicate and share information. People can also learn from other nations’ experiences of secularism through social media. This is why the regime is <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/science/audio/2022/oct/06/why-is-the-government-in-iran-shutting-down-the-internet-podcast" target="_blank" rel="noopener">shutting down</a> the internet and censoring YouTube, Instagram and Twitter. <a href="https://gamaan.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/GAMAAN-Political-Systems-Survey-2022-English-Final.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">One poll</a> suggests that more than 60% of Iranians now want a non-religious state, the question is whether those in power are willing to give it to them. This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/iran-protesters-call-for-move-to-a-non-religious-state-what-changes-would-that-bring-193198" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. Image: Sky News

Legal

Bride called out for list of “non-negotiables” at wedding

A Queensland woman has been dubbed a bridezilla for her “non-negotiable” list at her wedding. Kara Hansen took to TikTok announcing that she has been engaged for a year and is organising her wedding. A part of her and her fiancé’s special day includes a list of things that are non-negotiable which Ms Hansen says “may p*** people off”. First on her list was no children under the age of 16 because it is simply “not the right place for them”. “There is loud music, they don’t eat the food, they don’t drink the alcohol, they don’t party, their parents have to leave too, it just feels like it’s not the right place for them,” she says in the video. The second non-negotiable on Ms Hansen’s list is not having dessert when there is cake. “I am not paying for a third course when I have already paid $400 for a wedding cake, I don’t care about keeping the top tier of my wedding cake, you guys can just eat it all,” she says. Other things included in her list are keeping speeches short and sweet and that she will wear a short dress for the reception because she “hates to wear long dresses”. Ms Hansen also said her husband can see her dress before the big day as long as she’s not wearing it, and finally wanting to have coffee with her husband on the morning of the wedding. Several people called out Ms Hansen for her harsh rules saying that everyone will be able to enjoy the day no matter their age. “Sorry, but I am having kids at my wedding, I don’t care if they don’t like the food or they drink just as long as everyone has a good time,” one wrote. “We are having kids at our wedding. We have two flower girls and two ring boys so we feel we can’t have them and not others. It feels wrong to us,” another person commented. Others however agreed with Ms Hansen, calling her list “freaking genius” and that they will be adopting some of her non-negotiables for their weddings. Watch the video <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@karaaaashley/video/7147551332994403586?embed_source=null_null_null&is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1&refer=embed&referer_url=www.news.com.au%2Flifestyle%2Frelationships%2Fmarriage%2Fbridezilla-reveals-wedding-nonnegotiables%2Fnews-story%2F1724eae5a63c8627526ae78c2916f7b6&referer_video_id=7147551332994403586" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>. Images: TikTok

Relationships

Classic NON catch as kid takes a tumble at the cricket

As cricket fans descend on Australia’s stadiums to see the T20 World Cup play out, an incident off the field has gone viral online. Day two of the competition saw Scotland face off against the West Indies, but midway through the innings a moment of amusement and terror was captured in official footage. As the camera panned over Hobart’s Blundstone Arena, a young child was spotted climbing over the railing between the stands and a hill where spectators can sit, when he flipped over and toppled head-first to the ground. A man, assumed to be the child’s father, was seen frantically running after the toddler and hopping over the railing. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-conversation="none"> Had to GIF this 🤣🤣 <a href="https://t.co/SZe0CBa6aD">pic.twitter.com/SZe0CBa6aD</a> — SuperCoach Insider (@SCInsider100) <a href="https://twitter.com/SCInsider100/status/1581938384477786114?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 17, 2022</a></blockquote> Footage of the incident was shared on Twitter with the caption, “Just a dad and his son at the cricket….”, when it quickly went viral. “This has made me laugh a lot more than it should of so far today,” one viewer joked. “Narrator: It was precisely this moment Steve knew his afternoon at the cricket had took a turn for the worse,” another quipped. Others referenced WWE wrestler Jeff Hardy, who is known for his ‘swanton bomb’ dives from great heights, with one user writing: “Jeff Hardy, famed from the top of the ladder!” The video racked up over 300,000 views, but the clip has since been disabled due to a “report by the copyright owner”. <img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/10/banned-t20-vid.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="720" /> The clip went viral online but has since been disabled. Image: Twitter The camera cut away before the child was picked up, and with no reports of injuries it seems the boy came out okay. Back on the pitch, Scotland claimed victory a day after Namibia defeated Sri Lanka. Australia will be going head-to-head with New Zealand at the SCG on Saturday. Image: Twitter

Travel Trouble

Why is newborn baby skin-to-skin contact with dads and non-birthing parents important? Here’s what the science says

Soon after a baby is born, it’s getting more common these days for the father or non-birthing parent to be encouraged to put the newborn directly on their chest. This skin-to-skin contact is often termed “kangaroo care”, as it mimics the way kangaroos provide warmth and security to babies. Mothers have been encouraged to give kangaroo care for decades now and many do so instinctively after giving birth; it has been <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27552521/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">shown</a> to help mum and baby <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0882596316000531?casa_token=QBk4MOx7VIMAAAAA:3DIH_RF_PdsZDqHkKSYgbM37Tgsau5GpTBPqUowy4kDN3tOwtnnPvpXCGkpBI8lJEQIqSorp" target="_blank" rel="noopener">connect</a> and with <a href="https://connect.springerpub.com/content/sgrnn/27/3/151.abstract" target="_blank" rel="noopener">breastfeeding</a>. So what does the evidence say about kangaroo care for other parents? A growing body of research A growing body of <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/361591701_Fathers_providing_kangaroo_care_in_neonatal_intensive_care_units_a_scoping_review" target="_blank" rel="noopener">research</a> shows kangaroo care brings benefits for both baby and parent. One <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/apa.14184" target="_blank" rel="noopener">study</a> that measured cortisol (a stress hormone) levels and blood pressure in new fathers found: <blockquote> Fathers who held their baby in skin-to-skin contact for the first time showed a significant reduction in physiological stress responses. </blockquote> Another <a href="https://www.hindawi.com/journals/nrp/2017/8612024/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">study</a> in Taiwan involving fathers and neonates (newborn babies) found benefits to bonding and attachment: <blockquote> These study results confirm the positive effects of skin-to-skin contact interventions on the infant care behaviour of fathers in terms of exploring, talking, touching, and caring and on the enhancing of the father-neonate attachment. </blockquote> A <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/361591701_Fathers_providing_kangaroo_care_in_neonatal_intensive_care_units_a_scoping_review" target="_blank" rel="noopener">paper</a> I co-authored with the University of South Australia’s Qiuxia Dong found: <blockquote> Studies reported several positive kangaroo care benefits for fathers such as reduced stress, promotion of paternal role and enhanced father–infant bond. </blockquote> Qiuxia Dong also led a <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/jocn.16405" target="_blank" rel="noopener">study</a> (on which I was a co-author) exploring the experiences of fathers who had a baby in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Women’s and Children’s Hospital in Adelaide. This study found kangaroo care helps fathers connect and bond with their baby in an intensive care environment. This had a positive impact on fathers’ confidence and self-esteem. As one father told us: <blockquote> I think after all the stress, when I have skin-to-skin I can actually calm down a little bit. I sit down and relax, I can cuddle my child and it’s just a little bit of a happy place for me as well as him to calm down, not to do any work all the time, not to be stressed out. There’s other things on my mind all the time but it’s time to relax and turn off a little bit. </blockquote> Another told us: <blockquote> She nuzzled around a bit, kind of got my smell I guess and then literally fell asleep. It was great. It was very comforting for both I guess for her and myself. </blockquote> As one father put it: <blockquote> Of course, they can hear your heartbeat and all that kind of stuff, of course warmth […] it’s being close with your baby, I think that would be the best way of building a relationship early. </blockquote> However, this study also reported that some dads found giving kangaroo care challenging as it can be time-consuming. It is not always easy to juggle with commitments such as caring for other children and work. Involving both parents One study noted <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21820778/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">dads</a> can sometimes feel like a bystander on the periphery when a newborn arrives. Encouraging and educating all non-birthing parents, including fathers, to give kangaroo care is a <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21820778/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">valuable way</a> to get them involved. And if a caesarean birth makes it difficult for the mother to give kangaroo care while still in theatre, the father or non-birthing parent is the next best person to do it while the mother or birthing parent is not able. <figure class="align-center zoomable"><a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/480777/original/file-20220824-22-j9lpxl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/480777/original/file-20220824-22-j9lpxl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/480777/original/file-20220824-22-j9lpxl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/480777/original/file-20220824-22-j9lpxl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/480777/original/file-20220824-22-j9lpxl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/480777/original/file-20220824-22-j9lpxl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=504&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/480777/original/file-20220824-22-j9lpxl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=504&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/480777/original/file-20220824-22-j9lpxl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=504&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" alt="" /></a><figcaption>A caesarean birth sometimes makes it difficult for the mother to give kangaroo care while still in the theatre. Isaac Hermar/Pexels, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">CC BY</a></figcaption></figure> More research needed There is a need for broader research on these issues, especially around the experiences of fathers from culturally diverse backgrounds and other non-birthing parents. But the research literature on kangaroo care shows there is good reason for dads and non-birthing parents to do some kangaroo care when a baby is born. As we concluded in our <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/jocn.16405">study</a>, in the challenging neonatal intensive care unit environment, kangaroo care can serve: <blockquote> as a silent language of love.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/188927/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> </blockquote> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/mary-steen-970055" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Mary Steen</a>, Adjunct professor of Maternal and Family Health, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-south-australia-1180" target="_blank" rel="noopener">University of South Australia</a> This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-is-newborn-baby-skin-to-skin-contact-with-dads-and-non-birthing-parents-important-heres-what-the-science-says-188927" target="_blank" rel="noopener">original article</a>. Image: Getty Images

Family & Pets

Plastic surgeon called out for “toxic” video

A beautician has been slammed for a video she posted online outlining the cosmetic surgery she thought a star of Stranger Things would need. Miranda Wilson, who describes herself as a nurse practitioner injector, posted a video on TikTok outlining the alterations she believed would enhance the look of actress Natalia Dyer. “We’d start by treating those masseters … to help slim the face,” Ms Wilson said, referring to Dyer’s prominent bottom jawline. She then recommended adding “a bit of chin filler just to help fill out her chin and make her face more of a heart shape”. Moving onto Dyer’s lip and brow area, Wilson said she would “add just a little bit to the lips” than “do a little Botox (to) give her a nice brow lift to help open up her eyes”. “And to top if off we’d start with some Sculptra, she does seem to have more thin skin and we want to prevent that from getting thinner and create more collagen,” Wilson said. She ended the clip with a “before and after” image of Dyer, where she complimented the actress’ slimmer jaw, pointy chin, lifted brows and pouty lips. <img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/07/tiktok-beauty2.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="720" /> However, her assessment drew large amounts of ire from viewers, who described the clip as “toxic” and “highly insulting”, with one commenter arguing that videos like hers were “one of the reasons girls today are so insecure”. Though she has since deleted the video, download copies have been uploaded and shared on other social media platforms, including Twitter, where the uproar continued. “Still can’t believe a plastic surgeon (sic) spoke on what she’d change about someone’s face without a) their consent, b) any indication that the person disliked those features and c) putting a disclaimer that the person is already beautiful as they are,” one Twitter user said. “Like I cannot believe she ‘influencerfied’ her face completely unprovoked as if it was a free consultation.” After the backlash, Wilson posted a follow-up video saying she wanted to “clear the air”, adding that she “didn’t mean to offend anyone” in the controversial clip. “I was simply offering suggestions – not on what you have to do – just on what the possibilities are,” Wilson said. “As an advanced injector that is what we do – we look at faces and assess and look at the possibilities.” <img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/07/tiktok-beauty-1.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="720" /> She then took a photo of herself and suggested improvements, such as botox injectables, lip and cheek fillers, and a brow lift, sharing another “before and after” image and writing in the caption that “Natalia is absolutely stunning the way she is” but that her image was just an “example”. Though comments were disabled on her later video, upset viewers took to Twitter to call out her behaviour. “She posted a sorry, not sorry video where she completely missed the point of what the original complaint was,” one Twitter user said. Another questioned who Wilson’s target audience was and pondered the impact such views would have on young women. “If Natalia Dyer, a white and thin and conventional woman gets scrutinised on her appearance like this, what happens to all the young impressionable poc/mid-size/plus-size girls watching?”, they wrote. Images: TikTok

Beauty & Style

Couple book non-stop cruises for two-and-a-half years

A couple who missed out on the joys of cruising during lockdown are now bunkering down and cruising non-stop for two-and-a-half years. Jessica and Marty Ansen left Brisbane on Princess Cruises’ Coral Princess on June 16 for the beginning of their exciting adventure. They have previously sailed on 31 cruises with Princess with a whopping 1,173 days at sea and when the resumption of cruises they were ready to get started again. From now until August 2024, the loved up couple will be holidaying on the high seas and on a staggering 53 different cruise ships! “Cruising offers the ultimate holiday experience. You go onboard, you only unpack once, and you have all this amazing entertainment, exceptional food, great company and you can see the world. And, the crew deliver incredible service - that’s why we cruise,” they said. The Ansens booked their two years of back-to-back cruises (795 sea days) - including two round-the-world cruises in 2023 and 2024 – with Brisbane-based family-owned travel agency Clean Cruising. Martine Hero, the Senior Consultant at Clean Cruising, said the Ansens had always been passionate about cruising and were keen to be back on the water again. “For the last two years Marty frequently mentioned all he and Jessica wanted to do was to go cruising again,” he said. “Since the announcement of the resumption of cruising we have had an influx of interest and bookings, including those of the Ansens. “This extended trip has been in the works for a long time, as have those of many other cruisers. “We want to thank our cruise fans for their patience as we get them back doing what they love most.” Image: The Today Show

Cruising

Stuff-up or conspiracy? Whistleblowers claim Facebook deliberately let important non-news pages go down in news blackout

On Friday, the Wall Street Journal published information from Facebook whistleblowers, alleging Facebook (which is owned by Meta) deliberately caused havoc in Australia last year <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-deliberately-caused-havoc-in-australia-to-influence-new-law-whistleblowers-say-11651768302">to influence the News Media Bargaining Code</a> before it was passed as law. During Facebook’s news blackout in February 2021, thousands of non-news pages were also blocked – including important emergency, health, charity and government pages. Meta has continued to argue the takedown of not-for-profit and government pages was a technical error. It remains to be seen whether the whistleblower revelations will lead to Facebook being taken to court. The effects of Facebook’s “error” The <a href="https://theconversation.com/in-a-world-first-australia-plans-to-force-facebook-and-google-to-pay-for-news-but-abc-and-sbs-miss-out-143740">News Media Bargaining Code</a> was first published in July 2020, with a goal to have Facebook and Google pay Australian news publishers for the content they provide to the platforms. It was passed by the House of Representatives (Australia’s lower house) on February 17 2021. That same day, Facebook retaliated by issuing a <a href="https://about.fb.com/news/2021/02/changes-to-sharing-and-viewing-news-on-facebook-in-australia/">statement</a> saying it would remove access to news media business pages on its platform – a threat it had first made in August 2020. It was arguably a reasonable threat of capital strike by a foreign direct investor, in respect to new regulation it regarded as “harmful” – and which it believed fundamentally “misunderstands the relationship between [its] platform and publishers who use it to share news content”. However, the range of pages blocked was extensive. Facebook has a label called the “News Page Index” which can be applied to its pages. News media pages, such as those of the ABC and SBS, are included in the index. All Australian pages on this index were taken down during Facebook’s news blackout. But Facebook also blocked access to other pages, such as the page of the satirical website <a href="https://www.betootaadvocate.com">The Betoota Advocate</a>. The broadness of Facebook’s approach was also evidenced by the blocking of its own corporate page. The <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2021/feb/18/time-to-reactivate-myspace-the-day-australia-woke-up-to-a-facebook-news-blackout">most major harm</a>, however, came from blocks to not-for-profit pages, including cancer charities, the Bureau of Meteorology and a variety of state health department pages – at a time when they were delivering crucial information about COVID-19 and vaccines. Whistleblowers emerge The whistleblower material published by the Wall Street Journal, which was also filed to the US Department of Justice and the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC), includes several email chains that show Facebook decided to implement its blocking threat through a broad strategy. The argument for its broad approach was based on an anti-avoidance clause in the News Media Bargaining Code. The effect of the clause was to ensure Facebook didn’t attempt to avoid the rules of the code by simply substituting Australian news with international news for Australian users. In other words, it would have to be all or nothing. As a consequence, Facebook did not use its News Page Index. It instead classified a domain as “news” if “60% [or] more of a domain’s content shared on Facebook is classified as news”. One product manager wrote: <blockquote> Hey everyone – the [proposed Australian law] we are responding to is extremely broad, so guidance from the policy and legal team has been to be over-inclusive and refine as we get more information. </blockquote> The blocking approach was algorithmic and based on these rules. There were some exceptions, that included not blocking “.gov” – but no such exclusion for “.gov.au”. The effect of this was the taking down of many charity and government pages. The whistleblower material makes it clear a number of Facebook employees offered solutions to the perceived overreach. This included one employee proposal that Facebook should “proactively find all the affected pages and restore them”. However, the documents show these calls were ignored. According to the Wall Street Journal: <blockquote> The whistleblower documents show Facebook did attempt to exclude government and education pages. But people familiar with Facebook’s response said some of these lists malfunctioned at rollout, while other whitelists didn’t cover enough pages to avoid widespread improper blocking. </blockquote> Amendments following the blackout Following Facebook’s news blackout, there were last-minute amendments to the draft legislation before it was passed through the Senate. The main change was that the News Media Bargaining Code would only apply to Facebook if deals were not struck with a range of key news businesses (which so far has not included SBS or <a href="https://twitter.com/ConversationEDU/status/1440562209206128653?s=20&t=FsviAWBLX7mKumr80Qiwzg">The Conversation</a>). It’s not clear whether the amendment was as a result of Facebook’s actions, or if it would have been introduced in the Senate anyway. In either case, Facebook said it was “<a href="https://about.fb.com/news/2021/02/changes-to-sharing-and-viewing-news-on-facebook-in-australia/">satisfied</a>” with the outcome, and ended its news blackout. Facebook denies the accusations The definitions of “core news content” and “news source” in the News Media Bargaining Code were reasonably narrow. So Facebook’s decision to block pages so broadly seems problematic – especially from the perspective of reputational risk. But as soon as that risk crystallised, Facebook denied intent to cause any harm. A Meta spokesperson said the removal of non-news pages was a “mistake” and “any suggestion to the contrary is categorically and obviously false”. Referring to the whistleblower documents, the spokesperson said: <blockquote> The documents in question clearly show that we intended to exempt Australian government pages from restrictions in an effort to minimise the impact of this misguided and harmful legislation. When we were unable to do so as intended due to a technical error, we apologised and worked to correct it. </blockquote> Possible legal action In the immediate aftermath of Facebook’s broad news takedown, former ACCC chair Allan Fels <a href="https://www.news.com.au/technology/online/social/facebook-could-face-lawsuits-for-unconscionable-conduct-over-nonnews-wipe-out/news-story/b312cef33b8e2261e8b5743f9bf87ca6">suggested</a> there could be a series of class actions against Facebook. His basis was that Facebook’s action was unconscionable under the <a href="http://classic.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/cth/consol_act/caca2010265/toc-sch2.html">Australian Consumer Law</a>. We have not seen these actions taken. It’s not clear whether the whistleblower material changes the likelihood of legal action against Facebook. If legal action is taken, it’s more likely to be a civil case taken by an organisation that has been harmed, rather than a criminal case. On the other hand, one reading of the material is Facebook did indeed overreach out of caution, and then reduced the scope of its blocking over a short period. Facebook suffered reputational harm as a result of its actions and apologised. However, if it engaged in similar actions in other countries, the balance between its actions being a stuff up, versus conspiracy, changes. The Wall Street Journal described Facebook’s approach as an “overly broad and sloppy process”. Such a process isn’t good practice, but done once, it’s unlikely to be criminal. On the other hand, repeating it would create a completely different set of potential liabilities and causes of action. <hr /> Disclosure: Facebook has refused to negotiate a deal with The Conversation under the News Media Bargaining Code. In response, The Conversation has called for Facebook to be “designated” by the Treasurer under the Code. This means Facebook would be forced to pay for content published by The Conversation on its platform.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/182673/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/rob-nicholls-91073" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Rob Nicholls</a>, Associate professor in regulation and governance, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/unsw-sydney-1414" target="_blank" rel="noopener">UNSW Sydney</a> This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/stuff-up-or-conspiracy-whistleblowers-claim-facebook-deliberately-let-important-non-news-pages-go-down-in-news-blackout-182673" target="_blank" rel="noopener">original article</a>. Image: Getty Images

Technology

World first painless and non-invasive skin cancer treatment trialled in Australia

Skin cancer patients in Australia are the first to be enrolled in a global trial of a new painless non-invasive treatment. The therapy called Rhenium-SCT uses a resin paste containing radioactive particles to kill non-melanoma skin cancers such as basal cell carcinoma. South Coast Radiology on the Gold Coast is the first to offer the new treatment as part of a study recruiting 200 patients, also involving patients in Sydney and Perth. Small published studies overseas have shown the therapy to be effective and well-tolerated but more evidence is needed. "The Rhenium-SCT has advantages in that it's a single treatment that is painless with a really good cosmetic outcome," said Dr Sam Vohra, OncoBeta Australia Medical Director. GenesisCare's Radiation Oncologist Associate Professor Sid Baxi treated the first patients in the study. "This is particularly useful for thin skin cancers, around three millimetres in-depth," he said. "We're looking at an approximate 90 percent clearance rate." He said about 500 patients around the world have already received the therapy with a follow-up of about two years. The latest trial will shed more light on its effectiveness, the side-effect profile and the patient's quality of life. Jan McGrath travelled from Sydney to the Gold Coast after she jumped at the chance to take part in the trials. "It just sounded amazing to be able to cure it without having to be cut, chopped and sewn," she said. "It was really easy, it didn't hurt at all." Jan wanted to avoid having a surgical graft after a basal cell carcinoma developed inside her ear. She has had about ten skin cancers removed in the past, including major surgery on her nose which took weeks to heal. "It's invasive, painful and takes a long time to recover," she said. The German-based innovators have partnered with the Australian Nuclear Science and Technology Organisation to manufacture and deliver the radioactive particles at Lucas Heights. Image: 9News

Body

Ben Fordham unleashes on Canberra's "most toxic politician"

Talk show host Ben Fordham has described Senato Lidia Thorpe as the "most toxic politician in Canberra" after she blasted Scott Morrison for his Stolen Generations speech in parliament. When the Prime Minister said "the hardest [word] is I forgive you" when referring to the national apology to the Stolen Generations, Senator Thorpe said Scott Morrison had shown "outright disrespect" to the Indigenous children who were removed from their families. Writing on Twitter, the Greens senator said, "This is outright disrespect to all those effected by Stolen Generations in this country. How dare you ask for forgiveness when you still perpetrate racist policies and systems that continue to steal our babies." In response to Lidia's statement, Fordham labelled her a "lunatic", saying "she doesn't belong" in parliament. He said, "Senator Thorpe is possibly the most toxic politician in Canberra, and that's saying something." "Her conduct is embarrassing. She entered office in 2020 and ever since she's had an appetite for destruction." Fordham went on to call Senator Thorpe a "fruit cake" and "unhinged" over previous instances of political passion in the Senate. The PM's "apology" was condemned by Indigenous Australians, as The First Peoples' Assembly of Victoria slammed the speech, releasing an official response containing only the four words: "Get in the bin." Image credits: Twitter @ben_fordham9 @senatorthorpe

News

Toxic positivity: societal pressure to feel good could have the opposite effect

<div> <div class="copy"> <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-021-04262-z" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">A multi-national study</a> of 40 countries has found that the societal pressure to feel good is linked to poorer wellbeing in individuals. In almost all countries, experiencing pressure to be happy and not sad was related to more and stronger negative feelings, and stronger symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress. Interestingly, this relationship was almost twice as strong in countries with higher national happiness, compared to those with lower national happiness – suggesting it may have downsides for some members of society. “The level of happiness individuals feel pressured to achieve may be unattainable and reveal differences between an individual’s emotional life and the emotions society approves of,” says lead author Dr Egon Dejonckheere from the Faculty of Psychology and Educational Sciences at KU Leuven, Belgium, and assistant professor in the Department of Medical and Clinical Psychology at Tilburg University in the Netherlands. “This discrepancy between an individual and society may create a perceived failure that can trigger negative emotions,” he explains. “In countries where all citizens appear to be happy, deviations from the expected norm are likely more apparent, which makes it more distressing.” The international team of scientists, including Australian researchers from the University of Melbourne, investigated how the perceived societal pressure to be happy predicts emotional, cognitive, and clinical indicators of wellbeing in a survey of nearly 7,500 people. Published in Springer Nature, the study then went a step further to evaluate the role of the nations’ global happiness levels on the relationship between societal pressure and wellbeing, using their World Happiness Index (WHI) scores. This score is taken from the <a href="https://worldhappiness.report/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">World Happiness Report</a> and is a measure of the average self-reported life satisfaction displayed by inhabitants of a particular country. Countries included in the study that were rated as having higher happiness in the World Happiness Index included The Netherlands and Canada, while countries rated with lower happiness included Uganda and Senegal. As a <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-cross-sectional-study-2794978#:~:text=A%20cross%2Dsectional%20study%20involves,one%20specific%20point%20in%20time.&text=This%20method%20is%20often%20used,support%20further%20research%20and%20experimentation." target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">cross-sectional study</a>, the researchers acknowledge that while these findings can highlight a correlation between these factors, it cannot prove causality. Nonetheless, they do suggest that changing societal discourse from promoting a one-sided embrace of emotions to one where people learn to appreciate the full scope of their emotional lives (both positive and negative), could have beneficial effects for people’s psychological well-being in the long run. Image credits: Getty Images  <img id="cosmos-post-tracker" style="opacity: 0; height: 1px!important; width: 1px!important; border: 0!important; position: absolute!important; z-index: -1!important;" src="https://syndication.cosmosmagazine.com/?id=182523&title=Toxic+positivity%3A+societal+pressure+to+feel+good+could+have+the+opposite+effect" width="1" height="1" data-spai-target="src" data-spai-orig="" data-spai-exclude="nocdn" /> </div> <div id="contributors"> This article was originally published on <a href="https://cosmosmagazine.com/health/body-and-mind/toxic-positivity-societal-pressure-to-feel-good-could-have-the-opposite-effect/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">cosmosmagazine.com</a> and was written by Imma Perfetto. </div> </div>

Mind

9 cooking mistakes that could be making your food toxic

1. Cooking with the wrong fatsCook with olive oil, but only for certain foods. So, what are the healthiest fats for cooking? Dietitian Maggie Michalczyk recommends doing your homework before buying a jumbo jug of one particular oil and using it for everything. “These oils have different smoke points – that’s the temperature at which they begin to burn – and once they start smoking, the fat breaks down and they can release harmful free radicals into the air,” she says. Be sure to keep portions of oils in check when cooking. This will prevent additional kilojoules (most serving sizes are two tablespoons).2. Overheating healthy oilsOils with low smoke points are better for salad dressings, adding to already cooked foods or sautéing – not for high-temperature cooking like stir-fries. “Certain oils, like olive oil and coconut oil, contain nutritional compounds that can be destroyed when heating to high temperatures above their smoke points,” explains Michelin-star chef Ben Roche. For cooking at home (frying, roasting), he recommends using a neutral oil, like grapeseed or sunflower. For flavouring cold sauces and drizzling over prepared food, he suggests using extra virgin olive oil or flaxseed oil to preserve flavour and nutrition.3. Deep drying your foodIt might taste downright delicious, but consuming deep-fried food regularly isn’t good for your health. “The act of frying turns otherwise healthy foods, like vegetables and lean meats, into unhealthy, trans-fat-laden treats,” says dietitian Jeanette Kimszal. If you can’t shake your fried food obsession, Kimszal suggests purchasing an air fryer. This device requires no or only a small amount of oil to cook your food, so you can still enjoy your favourite foods without extra fat that could possibly hurt your health.4. Charring your meatWhile raw or undercooked meat can pose health hazards, so can overcooked or charred meats. “Cooking meats above 150°C, which usually results from grilling or pan frying, can form compounds called HCAs (heterocyclic amines) and PAHs (polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons), that may be harmful to human DNA,” warns dietitian and assistant professor of the Nutrition and Dietetics Program at the College of Health Professions at Pace University, Christen Cupples Cooper. “Some research suggests that when metabolised, these compounds may activate enzymes linked to cancer risk.” While the research is limited, Cooper believes there’s enough evidence to recommend reducing your exposure to these chemical compounds. “Avoid cooking foods for any length of time over an open flame or hot metal surface, turn meat frequently during cooking, and cut away charred portions of meat,” she says.5. Adding too much saltIf there’s one flavour we love in our food, it’s salt. Food Standards Australia and New Zealand recommends adults consume no more than 2000mg of salt per day – equivalent to about 5 grams or 1 teaspoon of salt. However, the average Australian adult consumes nearly twice this much. “In some cases, our taste buds may be desensitised to the flavour of salt,” says Michalczyk. The problem is all the sodium packed into pre-packaged food. According to eatforhealth.gov.au, most of the salt eaten by Australians comes from processed and packaged foods.6. Adding too much sugar“Desserts are an obvious culprit, but sugar is often hiding in unsuspecting foods, such as dressings, marinades and sauces,” warns Maya Krampf, founder of Wholesome Yum. “Natural forms of sugar, like honey and maple syrup, are slightly better, but they still spike insulin levels in a similar way as refined sugar.” Instead, she recommends taming your sweet tooth by serving up savoury, liberally seasoned dishes when preparing meals and opting for fruit-centric desserts whenever possible. In recipes calling for sugar, Arianne Perry, wellness entrepreneur and co-founder of Sweet Defeat, recommends halving the amount called for. “I do this in baked goods, like banana bread, and no one can taste the difference – it’s so subtle!”7. Relying on processed, frozen dishes for weekday mealsIt’s tempting to turn to a frozen meal that promises to be ready for you in just minutes in the microwave. This is especially true after a long, stressful day of work. But often times, these foods contain preservatives and chemicals. “Remember that humans have only been exposed to these for a very short time in evolutionary history,” says Krampf. “Not only do processed foods leave less room in your diet for healthier foods, but they are loaded with ingredients like artificial preservatives, refined sugar and white flour.” Instead, she recommends opting for whole foods, like vegetables, fruit, eggs and meat whenever possible. And, if you must buy something in a box, choose one with ingredients that you understand.8. Drinking alcohol while cookingUnless you’re sipping on a full stomach, experts warn against having that glass of wine while stirring your family’s meal. “Drinking on an empty stomach can lead to an unhealthy spike in blood sugar,” says Michalczyk. “Plus, you may notice that the longer you wait to eat after the initial drink, the hungrier you will feel, which may lead you to overdo on whatever food you see next.” Or the opposite can happen: drinking alcohol before a meal might suppress your appetite, causing you to miss out on kilojoules and nutrients your body needs.9. Not using enough "good fats"There was a time when nutrition experts believed that fat was the enemy. But, thankfully, that time has come and gone. We’ve since learned that there are some fats that are good for your health. For example, avocados and fish are full of good fats (omega-3-fatty acids). Krampf warns that not adding enough fat when cooking is a mistake. “In addition to being an energy source and protection for organs, fat is used in cell membrane function, starts reactions that affect the immune system and metabolism, and allows for absorption of vitamins A, D, E and K,” she says.This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/food-home-garden/9-cooking-mistakes-that-can-make-your-food-more-toxic-2">Readers Digest</a>.

Food & Wine

The friendship breakup: how to end a toxic relationship

How to get rid of toxic friendsFourteen years after the split, Suzanne Wilson Phillips still has some fond memories of her friend Melissa (name has been changed). “She was really fun and bubbly,” says the mental-health counsellor. “On a Saturday night, she was the life of the party.”But over the course of their five-year friendship, Suzanne often felt neglected when her pal revelled in the spotlight. “Melissa never had my back,” says the 43-year-old. The tipping point came when Melissa tried to sabotage Suzanne’s new romantic connection. “I decided we couldn’t be friends anymore.”As Suzanne learned, ending a friendship is a complex process, wrought with pitfalls and pain. Here’s how to get rid of toxic friends in four steps, with expert advice to help you get through.Step one: Evaluate the friendship Start by taking a measured look at the situation. When you’re with this person, do you feel like your best self? Can you honestly describe them in flattering terms? How committed are you to the friendship?You’ll also want to consider the circumstances, especially if your friend has been depressed or suffered a loss or trauma. We owe our friends a lot, and standing by them during tough times is part of the deal. Dr Andrea Bonior, a psychologist and relationships expert, says the red flag is when “you look back and see a long-standing pattern.”Step two: Understand your reluctanceWhy is a split so hard? There are many reasons. Friendships aren’t monogamous, Bonior explains, so it’s easy to enjoy your other buddies even when one particular person is dragging you down. That means less pressure to act.“When the ball is rolling in a long-term friendship, it’s hard to stop,” says Bonior. “It’s part of the rhythm of our daily lives, and the inertia is powerful.” Because of this, we also tend to let our friends get away with bad behaviour.Step three: flee or face itAvoidance is a popular strategy. Suzanne tried that at first: she dodged Melissa’s calls and stayed away from her typical haunts, hoping to escape a difficult confrontation. Sometimes that approach can be successful, according to Bonior. “The slow fade works if it’s mutual,” she says. After all, some friends just naturally drift apart.But if the split comes as an unpleasant surprise to one of the parties, says psychotherapist Kimberly Moffit, “the friend is left wondering why they’re being avoided.” In that case, a discussion is the respectful way to go. It also opens an avenue for making amends: “You’re giving your friend the opportunity to correct what’s wrong in the relationship,” says Moffit.If you take a direct approach, Bonior suggests borrowing words from your romantic life: “Something like, ‘I know you’ve noticed I haven’t been able to spend time with you lately. I value our time as friends, but I can’t give what I used to.’”Step four: Grieve and rebuild“We may feel silly about having an emotional reaction,” says Bonior. “But even if you’ve initiated [the split], you can expect to feel sad about it. Let yourself mourn.” She advises consolidating your feelings in your mind, or in a journal, so you can sidestep the same patterns in the future.Once you’ve got a handle on the emotional fallout, it’s time to expand your social circle. By putting your effort into meeting new people, you may just develop a deep, meaningful friendship to last a lifetime.This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/the-buddy-breakup-how-to-end-a-toxic-friendship">Readers Digest</a>.

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How much stress is too much? A psychiatrist explains the links between toxic stress and poor health − and how to get help

‘Why didn’t we know?’ is no excuse. Non-Indigenous Australians must listen to the difficult historical truths told by First Nations people

Woman praised for confronting pickpockets

Ethical non-monogamy: what to know about these often misunderstood relationships

"The opposite of wellness": Gwyneth Paltrow slammed over "toxic" daily routine

Toxic pollutants can build up inside our homes. Here are 8 ways to reduce the risks

“So many non-technical people will fall for this”: New myGov scam that looks real

Explainer: why, exactly, is alcohol bad for us long-term?

Iran: protesters call for move to a non-religious state. What changes would that bring?

Bride called out for list of “non-negotiables” at wedding

Classic NON catch as kid takes a tumble at the cricket

Why is newborn baby skin-to-skin contact with dads and non-birthing parents important? Here’s what the science says

Plastic surgeon called out for “toxic” video

Couple book non-stop cruises for two-and-a-half years

Stuff-up or conspiracy? Whistleblowers claim Facebook deliberately let important non-news pages go down in news blackout

World first painless and non-invasive skin cancer treatment trialled in Australia

Ben Fordham unleashes on Canberra's "most toxic politician"

Toxic positivity: societal pressure to feel good could have the opposite effect

9 cooking mistakes that could be making your food toxic

The friendship breakup: how to end a toxic relationship

Our Partners

News

Shop

Catalogues

Newspaper

Contests

Entertainment

Travel

Health

Lifestyle

Finance

Property

Compare

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Information

Keep up to date

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How much stress is too much? A psychiatrist explains the links between toxic stress and poor health − and how to get help

‘Why didn’t we know?’ is no excuse. Non-Indigenous Australians must listen to the difficult historical truths told by First Nations people

Woman praised for confronting pickpockets

Ethical non-monogamy: what to know about these often misunderstood relationships

"The opposite of wellness": Gwyneth Paltrow slammed over "toxic" daily routine

Toxic pollutants can build up inside our homes. Here are 8 ways to reduce the risks

“So many non-technical people will fall for this”: New myGov scam that looks real

Explainer: why, exactly, is alcohol bad for us long-term?

Iran: protesters call for move to a non-religious state. What changes would that bring?

Bride called out for list of “non-negotiables” at wedding

Classic NON catch as kid takes a tumble at the cricket

Why is newborn baby skin-to-skin contact with dads and non-birthing parents important? Here’s what the science says

Plastic surgeon called out for “toxic” video

Couple book non-stop cruises for two-and-a-half years

Stuff-up or conspiracy? Whistleblowers claim Facebook deliberately let important non-news pages go down in news blackout

World first painless and non-invasive skin cancer treatment trialled in Australia

Ben Fordham unleashes on Canberra's "most toxic politician"

Toxic positivity: societal pressure to feel good could have the opposite effect

9 cooking mistakes that could be making your food toxic

The friendship breakup: how to end a toxic relationship

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