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“I don’t know how to tell her”: Best friend of little girl murdered by evil father still unaware of death

<p>The best friend of slain Hannah Clarke’s youngest little girl is still unaware that her mate has passed away.</p> <p>Four-year-old Laianah Baker was murdered last Wednesday after her father set her, her mother and her two siblings, Aaliyah, six, and Trey, three, on fire in a quadruple murder-suicide.</p> <p>Ms Clarke's best friend Lou Farmer told<span> </span>A Current Affair<span> </span>on Tuesday she is still having trouble to tell her young daughter, Heidi that her best friend was killed in the incident.</p> <p>“My ten and seven-year-old they understand. I can't even go there with Heidi. Heidi and Laianah were best friends,” she said, as she choked back tears.</p> <p>Ms Farmer says she had known her dear friend Hannah Clarke for four years, and revealed they had recently gotten together for a party shortly before the tragedy unfolded.</p> <p>“We had the most perfect pool party, and wines, and the best afternoon. I just don't know how to tell my little girl that Laianah, her best friend is gone,” she shared. </p> <p>Three close friends of Ms Clarke’s spoke out about the tragedy in a tolling interview where they revealed they had fears her estranged husband Rowan Baxter would harm the family.</p> <p>Nikki Brooks, a friend Ms Clarke’s for over 17 years, admitted she’s spoken with Queensland Police just one week before the murders to give a statement regarding Baxter's breach of his Domestic Violence Order.</p> <p>“I looked the detective in the eye and I said, ‘I think he's going to take them all out,’” Ms Brooks said.</p> <p>“She said, ‘I've got a bad feeling too.’”</p> <p>It had been Ms Brook’s home that had proven to be a haven for the mum-of-three when her relationship with Baxter turned abusive in 2019.</p> <p>Ms Clarke had confided in her closest four girl friends of the abuse, and it was Ms Brooks who says they now feel “a lot of guilt” over what had happened.</p> <p>“I feel like we've definitely influenced her decision. We said, ‘Han, enough's enough’.</p> <p>“It was getting bad and we had to get her out of there.”</p> <p>“The day she came back she stayed with me and we felt safe. He [Baxter] didn't know where I lived. </p> <p>“She just looked relieved and she seemed really happy. She knew she made the right decision.”</p> <p>Ms Brooks spoke in front of more than 1,000 mourners at a vigil held for Ms Clarke and her family at Whites Hill State College in Camp Hill on Sunday.</p> <p>“We are a nation in pain,” she said.</p> <p>“Don't back away from your friends for the sake of convenience.</p> <p>“Time's up on domestic violence.”</p>

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“Rather hurtful”: Queen “doesn’t want to talk about” Megxit drama

<div class="post_body_wrapper"> <div class="post_body"> <div class="body_text "> <p>Queen Elizabeth II is reportedly so hurt by the drama surrounding her grandson Harry and Meghan that she hates it being brought up.</p> <p>“She generally doesn’t want to talk about it,” says one insider to<span> </span><em><a rel="noopener noreferrer" href="https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2020/02/harry-meghan-royal-decision-queen" target="_blank">Vanity Fair</a>.</em></p> <p>“The Queen has been keen to get this resolved because she sees it is damaging to the monarchy and on a personal level, I think this has been rather hurtful for her.</p> <p>“She has got to the point where she doesn’t want to think about it anymore, she just wants it over and done with.”</p> <p>The Queen has had to walk the thin line between duty and family, and while she’s kept the door open for the Sussexes’ return, the Queen had no choice but to ban the couple from potentially exploiting their connection to the monarchy.</p> <p>“The Queen’s disciplinary power within her family is seldom mentioned and seldom used. The mere threat of her displeasure is enough to keep the troops in line most of the time,” explained former courtier Patrick Jephson.</p> <p>“When something more emphatic is required in defense of the dynasty, she does what’s necessary. People are reassured when she acts to protect the monarchy. It’s an institution that occasionally has to demonstrate robust self-belief to remain credible as a focus of national unity.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2bFlARniq9/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2bFlARniq9/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by The Royal Family (@theroyalfamily)</a> on Sep 15, 2019 at 12:19am PDT</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>“Perhaps it’s her longevity but the Queen has a gift for keeping problems in perspective. Her instincts are humane, cautious and pragmatic.”</p> <p>Royal biographer Sally Bedell Smith said that the decisions the Queen has already made this year shows she is fully engaged in her role”.</p> <p>“For all the travails of last year and the early months of 2020, she continues to maintain her enviable serenity and carries out her duties in her unflappable fashion,” Smith said.</p> <p>“Of course these family crises have been challenging, vexing, and sad. But in removing Andrew from his public duties and negotiating the tricky departure of Harry and Meghan from royal life, the Queen was decisive and sure-footed.”</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B22CDh8njDM/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B22CDh8njDM/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by The Royal Family (@theroyalfamily)</a> on Sep 25, 2019 at 11:28am PDT</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>However, insiders close to Harry have said that he is disappointed to completely give up his royal duties, including his role with the military, but his independence is more important.</p> <p>He went into this knowing that he could lose his title, but his freedom is more important than any of that,” said a friend. “He and Meghan have a back-up plan in place.”</p> </div> </div> </div>

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“Done wonders”: Michael Clarke and Kyly’s relationship post-divorce stronger than ever

<div class="post_body_wrapper"> <div class="post_body"> <div class="body_text "> <p>Michael Clarke’s divorce from his wife Kyly has reportedly “done wonders” for their relationship.</p> <p>After the pair announced in a joint statement that their seven-year marriage was ending, the pair have agreed on a financial settlement and on arrangements to co-parent their four-year-old daughter, Kelsey Lee.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B85VZAMp1DV/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B85VZAMp1DV/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Michael Clarke (@michaelclarkeofficial)</a> on Feb 22, 2020 at 8:23pm PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p><a rel="noopener noreferrer" href="https://www.theaustralian.com.au/business/media/separation-does-wonders-for-michael-and-kyly-clarke/news-story/10e42e915041e15e0f8eb8e82716d480" target="_blank"><em>The Australian</em></a><span> </span>revealed new details about the settlement as well as how the separation has affected the couple.</p> <p>“Ever since Michael moved out of the couple’s Sydney harbourside home in Vaucluse in September, relations between the pair have improved to the point that they are at their best in years,” said Nick Tabakoff from Media Diary.</p> <p>Negotiation of the settlement was a “lightning affair” and that the separation has “actually made things better for the Clarkes”.</p> <p>Clarke hinted that he had moved out of their family home when he posted a photo on Instagram at his Bondi home that he owned with Kyly, which the family have since sold.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B8KajEHJ9gA/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B8KajEHJ9gA/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Michael Clarke (@michaelclarkeofficial)</a> on Feb 4, 2020 at 3:04pm PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>“After living apart for some time, we have made the difficult decision to separate as a couple, amicably,” they said in a joint statement.</p> <p>“With the greatest of respect for each other, we've come to the mutual conclusion that this is the best course for us to take while committed to the co-parenting of our daughter.”</p> <p>“We’d like to acknowledge the wonderful support we’ve had from family and friends, and at this time request privacy so that we can manage this next stage of our lives,” the statement read.</p> </div> </div> </div>

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Exercise your way to a better relationship

<p>Want to spice up your relationship? Or maybe even start a new one off on the right foot? Go on an exercise date.</p> <p>Exercise has a lot of health benefits and can also result in better connection and attraction among people. Those who exercise report higher satisfaction in their relationships. And this is even stronger for people who exercise with their partners.</p> <p>Compared to non-exercisers, married people who exercise reported more <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/fare.12307">positive marital events</a> and fewer negative ones.</p> <p><strong>It’s all about the hormones</strong></p> <p>When you exercise, your body releases hormones such as <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22990628-exercise-induced-endocannabinoid-signaling-is-modulated-by-intensity/?from_term=Exercise-induced+endocannabinoid+signaling+is+modulated+by+intensity&amp;from_pos=1">endocannabinoids</a> and <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.2165%2F00007256-199724010-00002">endorphins</a>. Endocannabinoids work on the reward areas of the brain — the same system affected by marijuana — and improve mood. Endorphins are your body’s natural opioids: the feel-good hormones that block out pain.</p> <p>As a result of these hormones, people <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-018-9976-0">feel happier after exercise</a>, even after a single session. The effect of exercise is long-lasting and is associated with <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886917302027">more positive social engagement</a>, even into the next day. This may be because happier people smile more and <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02699931.2013.817383">smiling people are viewed as more attractive</a>.</p> <p>Adrenaline is also released as a result of exercise. It raises your heart rate, speeds up your breathing and increases your blood pressure. These are all similar responses to being sexually aroused.</p> <p>A classic study that purposely created situations to increase adrenaline release and anxiety found a <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fh0037031">relationship between anxiety and sexual arousal</a>. This is termed <em>misattribution of arousal</em>, in which arousal of any sort, such as from anxiety or exercise, can be misinterpreted as sexual arousal by the body.</p> <p>Indeed, following a 15-minute exercise session, adults reported <a href="https://www.mckendree.edu/academics/scholars/issue17/mckinney.htm">greater attraction</a> to pictures of the opposite sex compared to those who didn’t exercise, with the attraction increasing based on perceived indicators of exercise intensity.</p> <p>Exercise also improves your confidence and self-image, which can make you more attractive to others. Our confidence, or self-efficacy (belief in our own abilities), tends to be tied to <a href="https://academic.oup.com/psychsocgerontology/article/60/5/P268/585472">how much exercise we do</a>. When it comes to self-esteem and body image (our satisfaction with your own body), these too are <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5068479/">greater in people who exercise</a>, and the <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1359105309338977">more frequently they exercise</a>, the greater the self-esteem.</p> <p><strong>Couples who exercise together, stay together</strong></p> <p>The benefits may also be <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/fare.12307">greater when you exercise with your partner</a>. Some of this may be the result of spending time together and sharing an enjoyable experience. However, couples who completed novel and arousing (or exciting) activities together reported <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10707334-couples-shared-participation-in-novel-and-arousing-activities-and-experienced-relationship-quality/">increased relationship quality</a> compared to completion of a more mundane task, suggesting it’s not just the time together that matters.</p> <p>This is consistent with findings that exercising with another person is <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1011339025532">more fun</a> compared to exercising alone.</p> <p>But you don’t need to know the person for exercise to have this effect. Exercising with a stranger can also result in attraction to one another.</p> <p>This was tested in an experiment of cross-sex partners randomly assigned to perform a physical task either at a low or high intensity. After completion of the task, participants answered questions regarding their attractiveness to their study partner. Those participants who performed the task at the higher intensity reported <a href="https://www.sbp-journal.com/index.php/sbp/article/view/1335">greater attraction for their study partners</a>.</p> <p>The attraction can be further enhanced when exercising in activities that require similar movements such as dancing or walking in synchronicity. In lab experiments, people who mimicked the movements of their partner felt <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19646328-mimicry-in-social-interaction-benefits-for-mimickers-mimickees-and-their-interaction/">stronger emotional connection</a> and greater bonding to one another.</p> <p>A later study found that the addition of physical exertion amplified these feelings. Compared to a group of people walking randomly, the group marching synchronously felt <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5760525/">more connection and co-operation</a> with one another. In another group that was marching at a faster pace, these feelings increased even more.</p> <p>Exercise is also a form of play. There is no better example of this than watching kids play. Play for them consists of running around, climbing and jumping, very similar activities to most types of exercise. In many instances, such as sports, play is directly inherent in the activity. This social play provides its own reward by <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2946511/">releasing endorphins</a>.</p> <p><strong>Exercising with a partner adds accountability</strong></p> <p>The effects of exercising with a partner can also be better for you as well. In addition to being more fun, <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs12160-012-9367-4">workouts with others tend to last longer</a> than workouts alone, which can give you an added health boost. Exercising with a partner, friends or a team adds accountability to your routine, as indicated in a study of married couples. Those couples who joined a gym together reported <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8775648-twelve-month-adherence-of-adults-who-joined-a-fitness-program-with-a-spouse-vs-without-a-spouse/">more workouts at the gym and fewer dropouts</a> over one year compared to married individuals joining on their own.</p> <p>In a way, the effects of exercising together are almost self-fulfilling. It provides accountability, strengthens your relationship and provides more fun, making it more likely that you’ll keep exercising and continue the cycle.<!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/scott-lear-423698">Scott Lear</a>, Professor of Health Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/simon-fraser-university-1282">Simon Fraser University</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/exercise-your-way-to-a-better-relationship-131172">original article</a>.</em></p>

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The smelly truth about romantic relationships and health

<p>Having trouble sleeping? Nervous about an important interview? Smelling your partner’s worn clothing may help improve your sleep and calm your nerves.</p> <p>While it may sound strange to smell your partner’s clothing, these behaviours are surprisingly common. In one study, researchers asked participants <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0021-9029.2006.00105.x">if they had ever slept with or smelled their partners’ worn clothing</a> during periods of separation. Over 80 per cent of women and 50 per cent of men reported they had intentionally smelled an absent partner’s clothing. Most of them said they did so because it made them feel relaxed or secure.</p> <p><strong>Social scents and health</strong></p> <p>Along with our colleagues at the University of British Columbia, we decided to take a closer look at whether exposure to the scent of our romantic partner might have benefits for our psychological and physical health.</p> <p>Specifically, we conducted two experiments. The first tested whether a partner’s scent improved sleep. The <a href="https://www.psychologicalscience.org/uncategorized/2020-02-romance-scent-sleep.html">results of that research have been accepted for publication in the journal <em>Psychological Science</em></a>. The second study, which tested whether these scents reduced stress, was <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000110">published in the <em>Journal of Personality and Social Psychology</em></a>.</p> <p>In both studies, we wanted to capture natural body scent. So we asked participants to wear a plain white T-shirt as an undershirt for 24 hours and to avoid activities known to affect natural body odour, like smoking, eating spicy food or wearing scented body products. We also provided them with unscented shampoo and soap to use before wearing the shirt. When participants returned their shirts to us, we immediately stored them in a freezer to preserve the scent.</p> <p><strong>Sleep quality and scent</strong></p> <p>In one study, we tested whether sleep quality would be improved by a partner’s scent. We gave each of our 155 participants two identical-looking shirts: one control shirt and one that had been worn by their partner.</p> <p>Each participant was asked to sleep with his or her partner’s shirt as a pillow cover for two nights, and with the other shirt as a pillow cover for another two nights — without knowing which was which. Each morning, participants reported the quality of their sleep the previous night.</p> <p>We also asked participants to wear a sleep watch that monitored their movement through the night. After the study was over, we asked participants to guess whether each of the shirts had been worn by their partner.</p> <p>People reported that their sleep was better on nights when they thought they were smelling their partner’s scent. However, data from the sleep watches revealed that people’s sleep efficiency was higher — in other words, they experienced less tossing and turning — on nights they were actually sleeping with their partner’s shirt. This increase in sleep efficiency occurred regardless of whether participants guessed that the shirt was their partner’s. This suggests that the effects of exposure to a partner’s scent can occur outside of our conscious awareness.</p> <p>Participants in our study experienced an average of more than nine additional minutes of sleep per night when exposed to the scent of their partner, equating to more than one hour of additional sleep per week. This increase was achieved without participants spending any more time in bed. The average improvement in sleep efficiency from sleeping with a partner’s scent was similar in magnitude to improvements <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.smrv.2004.06.004">documented for melatonin supplements</a>, which are often used as a sleep aid.</p> <p><strong>Scent and stress</strong></p> <p>In another study, we examined whether stress would be reduced by a partner’s scent. We asked 96 women to come into our lab and smell a shirt, either a control shirt or one worn by their romantic partner. They smelled this shirt before, during and after a stressful mock job interview.</p> <p>Women smelling their partner’s shirt reported lower stress both when thinking about the upcoming interview and when recovering from the interview. Those who correctly reported that they were smelling their partner’s scent had lower cortisol reactivity to the stressor. Cortisol is a natural hormone released by the body during stress.</p> <p>These findings suggest that the protective benefits of a partner’s scent may be strongest when people are aware they are smelling their partner.</p> <p><strong>Future research</strong></p> <p>In our upcoming research, we plan to investigate other questions about social scents, such as whether people who are happier in their relationships derive greater health benefits from the scent of their partner, and whether the health benefits might extend to other types of close relationships, like parent-child relationships.</p> <p>By understanding how social scents affect health, future studies can examine the efficacy of simple methods to bolster well-being, such as taking a partner’s scarf or shirt along when travelling. The current studies reveal that, often outside of our awareness, another world of communication is happening right under our noses.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/131171/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/marlise-hofer-958671">Marlise Hofer</a>, PhD Student, Department of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-british-columbia-946">University of British Columbia</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/frances-chen-417956">Frances Chen</a>, Associate Professor, Department of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-british-columbia-946">University of British Columbia</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-smelly-truth-about-romantic-relationships-and-health-131171">original article</a>.</em></p>

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How our phones disconnect us when we’re together

<p>Smartphones have changed the world. A quick glance around any street or communal space shows how dominant <a href="https://www.statista.com/statistics/271851/smartphone-owners-in-the-united-kingdom-uk-by-age/">our favourite</a> digital devices have become.</p> <p>We are familiar with the sight of groups of teenagers not talking, but eagerly composing messages and posts on their screens. Or seeing couples dining silently in restaurants, ignoring the romantic flickering candle in favour of the comforting blue light of their phones.</p> <p><a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-45042096">Attempts</a> have been made to come up with rules of phone etiquette during face-to-face interactions. But why do these devices that are meant to connect us when we’re far apart seem to cause so much division when we’re close together?</p> <p>Some research has begun to examine this question. In one 2016 <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Shalini_Misra/publication/270730343_The_iPhone_Effect_The_Quality_of_In-Person_Social_Interactions_in_the_Presence_of_Mobile_Devices/links/55d5c20608aeb38e8a804bce/The-iPhone-Effect-The-Quality-of-In-Person-Social-Interactions-in-the-Presence-of-Mobile-Devices.pdf">study</a> conducted in US coffee shops, researchers found that using a mobile device while spending time with someone reduced the ability of one conversation partner to properly listen and engage with the other. This effect was particularly strong when the people interacting didn’t know each other well.</p> <p>In another more <a href="https://www.guidea.be/Portals/0/dtxArt/blok-document/bestand/Dwyer-et-al.-2018.-Smartphone-users-undermine-interactions_1dcf1a50-21c2-4e35-87c7-04bff4c34056.pdf">recent study</a>, researchers told restaurant goers to either leave their phones out on the table or to put them in a box, out of reach and sight. At the end of the meal, participants were asked how enjoyable the meal was and how distracted they had felt.</p> <p>People who had their phones on the table felt more distracted, which in turn led to lower enjoyment of their time spent eating with friends or family.</p> <p>My own research has also delved into the topic of phones distracting from high quality face-to-face interactions. In <a href="https://cpb-us-e1.wpmucdn.com/sites.ucsc.edu/dist/5/491/files/2014/09/College-Students-Mobile-Phone-Use-During-Face-to-Face-Interaction.pdf">my study</a>, I invited pairs of friends to come to the lab to take part in an experiment and then asked them to wait for five minutes sitting side by side in a waiting area while I printed out questionnaires.</p> <p>This was actually a deception. I was only really interested in what they would do during the five minutes of “waiting time”, so I secretly filmed them to see what they did. I then asked them to complete a questionnaire on how well they thought that period of interaction had gone.</p> <p>Finally, I disclosed to the participants that they had been recorded and asked for permission to keep the tapes to analyse in our study. Everyone allowed us to keep their videos (even the pair who had criticised my outfit when I left them alone). Then with the help of my research assistants, we watched all the videos to see how much each pair of friends had used their phones.</p> <p>We found that 48 out of the 63 friendship pairs used their mobile phones, and on average they used their phones for one minute and 15 seconds out of the five-minute period. We calculated these averages based on both friends’ behaviours because interactions are dependent on both people who are present. So even if only one person used their phone, we would still expect their phone use to influence the quality of the interaction.</p> <p>The longer they spent using their phones, the lower the quality of their interaction. We also found that regardless of how close the friends were, they all had worse interactions when they used their phones.</p> <p>Watching the videos of friends using their phones taught me a lot about why they can be such a problem in face-to-face interactions. On occasion, the phones were used to share information, like showing a picture or email that they wanted to discuss. These types of usage didn’t seem to hurt their interactions, but they also didn’t happen very often.</p> <p>Only 21% of people used their phones in this way and on average the sharing only lasted five seconds. What happened more often was what I refer to as “<a href="https://cedar.wwu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1366&amp;context=wwuet">distraction multitasking</a>”, when friends were listening with one ear but still looking at and thinking about what was on their phones.</p> <p><strong>Distraction device</strong></p> <p>This type of use made up the majority of what we observed on the tapes. One particularly sad clip I will always remember was between two female friends. Both friends were getting along well after I left them alone, and then one of them got out her phone.</p> <p>In the meantime, her friend had thought of something she would like to say and looked up eagerly about to share perhaps some gossip or good news. But as soon as she saw that her friend was completely absorbed in her phone, she looked away, disappointed and hurt. They didn’t speak again during the waiting period.</p> <p>This seems to me to be the biggest problem that phones create in face-to-face interactions. They make us less available to others by distracting us from important social cues, like that light in a friend’s eyes when she has something important to tell us.</p> <p>While technologically mediated conversations can be useful to maintain our relationships, most of us still prefer face-to-face interactions to <a href="https://cyberpsychology.eu/article/view/4285">bond with our friends</a>. Face-to-face conversations can feel safer for sharing intimate information – like things we’re worried about or proud of – because they can’t be saved and shared with others.</p> <p>Being physically present also allows for physical contact, like holding someone’s hand when they’re scared or giving them a hug when they’re sad. When someone is focused on their phone, they may miss out on opportunities to give this kind of support.</p> <p>The best phone etiquette to remember is that phones are meant to <a href="https://theconversation.com/a-mobile-phone-for-christmas-doesnt-mean-less-family-time-for-teenagers-128081">help us connect</a> with our friends and family when they’re far away. When they’re right in front of us, we should take full advantage of the opportunity to connect in real life – and leave our phones alone.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/130838/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/genavee-brown-908554">Genavee Brown</a>, Lecturer in Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/northumbria-university-newcastle-821">Northumbria University, Newcastle</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-our-phones-disconnect-us-when-were-together-130838">original article</a>.</em></p>

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Shocked and angry: Karen Ristevski's friends react to daughter's bombshell interview

<p>Friends of Victorian mother Karen Ristevski say they were disappointed to hear her daughter Sarah once again defend her killer father and label him as “loving” and “caring” given the crime he committed.</p> <p>The 47-year-old woman’s body was found eight months after she disappeared from the family’s Avondale Heights home.</p> <p>In December, Borce Ristevski was sentenced to 13 years in jail after Victoria’s Court of Appeal added to his sentence for the manslaughter of his wife at the request of prosecutors.</p> <p>“Somebody who is kind and caring doesn’t leave somebody that they profess to love, to the elements,” said Karen’s childhood friend, Sam, to Nine’s<span> </span><em>A</em><em><span> </span>Current Affair</em>.</p> <p>Sam had helped search for Ms Ristevski and reportedly came a few metres within her decomposing body which was discovered in bushland off a road at Mount Macedon in February 2017.</p> <p>Speaking to<span> </span><em>60 Minutes</em><span> </span>on Sunday night, Sarah Ristevski opened up on her mother’s disappearance.</p> <p>“I just think, ‘Why Mum? Why did something happen to her? Why us?’ You hear about things that could happen and you don’t think they could happen to you and your family,” said Sarah.</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr">Sarah spent nearly three years by her father’s side before he finally pleaded guilty to killing her mother Karen. But privately, to Sarah, Borce has maintained his innocence. #60 Mins <a href="https://t.co/eMt9hgIbY0">pic.twitter.com/eMt9hgIbY0</a></p> — 60 Minutes Australia (@60Mins) <a href="https://twitter.com/60Mins/status/1228986772404621313?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 16, 2020</a></blockquote> <p>“She’s on my mind all the time and I can’t get it out of my head.</p> <p>“I have no doubt in my mind that my dad loves my mum, I have no doubt in my mind and he’s hurting as much as I am.”</p> <p>Sam spoke about how she felt after she watched the interview.</p> <p>“How she could find those words within herself to describe him?” she told<span> </span><em>A Current Affair</em>.</p> <p>“It makes me very angry but also very, very sad because I hoped to kind of get closure last night.</p> <p>“I feel for Steven, Karen’s brother, for the rest of her family.</p> <p>“In my mind, she (Sarah) would be hurt.”</p> <p>Before Borce Ristevski admitted to killing his wife, Sarah wrote to the missing persons squad Detective Timothy Ryan that she was “disgusted” by what the media was saying about her father.</p> <p>Sarah did not attend her father’s court hearings and when she did, kept her face hidden from cameras.</p> <p>The only time she did offer a comment was in a glowing character reference she gave a judge prior to her father’s sentencing.</p> <p>She called him “loving, caring, sympathetic, protective and charismatic”.</p>

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Kyly Clarke breaks silence amid split from husband Michael

<p>Kyly Clarke has broken her silence after announcing her separation from husband and former cricketer Michael Clarke.</p> <p>The pair confirmed on Wednesday night that they are splitting after seven years of marriage.</p> <p>Kyly said she and her daughter Kelsey Lee are doing fine after the separation. Asked by <em><a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-8002221/Kyly-Clarke-breaks-silence-following-split-husband-Michael.html">Daily Mail Australia</a> </em>outside a Sydney gym on Friday if she was coping okay, the 38-year-old former model said, “Of course I am!”</p> <p>The former weather presenter also said her four-year-old child was “doing amazing”.</p> <p>The outlet noted Kyly was not wearing her wedding ring.</p> <p>However, she declined to comment on whether she and Michael would be attending the upcoming wedding of the former Australian cricket captain’s personal assistant Sasha Armstrong.</p> <p>“We said everything we wanted to say in our statement,” she said.</p> <p>In <a href="https://www.theaustralian.com.au/business/media/michael-and-kyly-clarke-to-divorce-putting-40m-in-play/news-story/46e3da1480e793d7d56671052604eb25">the statement</a>, the couple said they have decided to “separate as a couple amicably”.</p> <p>“With the greatest of respect for each other, we’ve come to the mutual conclusion that this is the best course for us to take while committed to the co-parenting of our daughter.”</p> <p>Kyly and Michael tied the knot in May 2012 after 18 months of dating and welcomed their daughter in 2015.</p>

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Jess Rowe on “letting go” of her eldest daughter Allegra and reaching milestone 50: “I bawled my eyes out”

<p>Jess Rowe has become a familiar face after nearly a quarter of a century on Australian television screens.</p> <p>While the 49-year-old has definitely had her share of incredible achievements and milestones, there is nothing that made the former<span> </span><em>Studio 10</em><span> </span>host prouder than dropping her eldest daughter, Allegra, 13, off to her first day of high school.</p> <p>The star told<span> </span><em><a rel="noopener noreferrer" href="https://7news.com.au/the-morning-show/jessica-rowe-on-turning-50-and-the-emotional-moment-her-daughter-entered-high-school-c-694178" target="_blank">7News</a></em><span> </span>that sending her oldest off into her own major milestone was an emotional rollercoaster all on its own.</p> <p>“I think, as a teenager, it is such a rollercoaster of emotions,” Rowe explained.</p> <p>“I remember being a teenage girl, and I want to help her, protect her, let her go a little bit - and I think sending her to high school, it’s that next stage.</p> <p>“Being a mother, being a parent, is a series of letting go, and you don’t realise - when they are so small, you keep them so close.</p> <p>“When I walked back to the car, I bawled my eyes out. It’s those milestone moments, and I do think as parents it’s important that we take that time to reflect on how far we’ve come, but also what is ahead.</p> <p>“I describe my technique at the moment as a cross between the mum in <em>Mean Girls </em>who says hi to everyone, and the mother in <em>Bend It Like Beckham</em> who is always peering around the door with snacks for everyone and then disappearing.</p> <p>“I haven’t worked it out yet. I like to think that I’m not strict. Peter (Overton) is probably stricter than I am.</p> <p>“But I think it’s about empowering our kids to also feel that they are involved in the decision making, even if you’re deciding, ultimately.</p> <p>“You want them to have a sense of growing up and give them extra bits of responsibility.”</p> <p>For the former Channel 10 star, Rowe says she is “looking forward” to reaching 50-years-old.</p> <p>“I love getting older. I know I’m far more comfortable in my skin now than I ever was in my 20s, 30s or even 40s, because I don’t care as much about what people think.</p> <p>“And when it comes to becoming 50, we’ve got to get out of our comfort zones and push ourselves all the time and be open to new opportunities. Life is too short.”</p> <p>Scroll through the gallery to see Jess Rowe with her beloved husband, Peter, and two girls, Allegra and Giselle.</p>

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Why you might be falling for a ‘ghost’ on dating apps

<p>Consider the moments you have fallen in love.</p> <p>If you unpick the threads, you will quickly find much of the falling <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/is-love-real-or-a-project_b_8398808">occurred in the mind</a>. Many artefacts that go towards creating intimacy are imagined. We can’t fully understand or know someone else, but we can construct a persona around them and a shared view of the future.</p> <p>Yes, there were likely tangible and physical components that went towards constructing the intimacy. You would have seen that person, had a discussion with them, a date (or several dates even), but realistically a lot of it happened in your mind.</p> <p>Love requires imagination: <a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&amp;lr=&amp;id=3D9FE-UfYxEC&amp;oi=fnd&amp;pg=PA109&amp;dq=lauren+berlant+intimate+publics&amp;ots=1g_TnzoJGF&amp;sig=XsCBOmbhCgpe2Atmj9UtlEIiW_I#v=onepage&amp;q=lauren%20berlant%20intimate%20publics&amp;f=false">a shared vision, narrative or trajectory</a>.</p> <p>In our connected world, this imagination is fostered from the very start of the interaction. It happens from the moment we pick up our phones, tap on an app and consider swiping right. And we’re doing <em>a lot</em> of swiping: <a href="https://time.com/4837/tinder-meet-the-guys-who-turned-dating-into-an-addiction/">5 million matches</a> a day on Tinder alone. Dating apps and dating have become <a href="https://www.irishtimes.com/special-reports/smart-living/appy-ever-after-true-love-is-just-a-swipe-away-1.3986971">virtually synonymous</a>.</p> <p>It would be easy to chalk up the success of the dating app <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1461444818804773">to functionality, mobility and ease</a>, but what about its reawakening of the imagination?</p> <p><strong>Dreamspaces</strong></p> <p>Dating apps provide users with the ability to dream, to fantasise, to construct a person and an imagined story based on limited information. We open the app with a series of beliefs about who might make for our perfect match. Athletic, committed, creative, respectful, passionate, educated, age-appropriate (or inappropriate) … and then we interpret.</p> <p>Consider what you are supplied with: a few profile pictures and a brief description. Information is limited; gaps need to be filled.</p> <p>A photo taken with an adorable chocolate Labrador. Is he an animal lover – and therefore dependable? Holding a cocktail in a party dress with a friend. Does she enjoy her social life – and so is she fun to be around? On the beach: they must love the outdoors.</p> <p>From there, we springboard into interpreting other prompts and creating a narrative. You’re imaging an afternoon spent at the dog park (with the chocolate lab and your cavoodle – they would be the best of friends); an evening at the latest bar sipping the newest drink; a swimsuit, board shorts and a towel haphazardly flung over a balcony in the memory of a day spent at the beach.</p> <p>And while you are imagining your potential match, they are imagining you, too.</p> <p>Swipe right, and start a DM chat, and our intrepid interpretation of the other person and potential intimacy continues. The ghost of an imagined relationship has begun to haunt us.</p> <p><strong>Go on, ghost me</strong></p> <p>“Hauntology” was coined by philosopher <a href="https://libcom.org/files/Derrida%20-%20Specters%20of%20Marx%20-%20The%20State%20of%20the%20Debt,%20the%20Work%20of%20Mourning%20and%20the%20New%20International.pdf">Jacques Derrida</a> to refer to the return or persistence of elements from the past, as in the manner of a ghost.</p> <p>Dating apps allow the user to mobilise hauntological recollections from a previous relationship, a movie, a novel, or an idea.</p> <p>The virtual digital space is the perfect location for such hauntologies. You might think there is another person on the other side of the app, but we can also consider them to be a ghost.</p> <p>It’s easy to understand why dating apps are so popular. Their mobility makes them easy to use; users are in control of their selection of potential matches.</p> <p>Tinder founders Sean Rad and Justin Mateen say the design takes “<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1440783316662718?journalCode=josb">the stress out of dating</a>”, and the game-like quality of the app creates <a href="https://time.com/4837/tinder-meet-the-guys-who-turned-dating-into-an-addiction/">less emotional investment</a>.</p> <p>But the imagining constitutes a significant emotional investment. Studies have shown imagined occurrences have similar, if not the same, impact <a href="https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/12/181210144943.htm">as reality</a>.</p> <p>Despite the lack of a face-to-face interaction you might find yourself intensely linked to your ghost. But will your ghost match the actual person when you meet them face-to-face for the first time? Will the two converge, or will there be an unbearable space between?</p> <p>Awareness is half the battle. When you’re next flicking through potential matches on a dating app, be conscious of how far you’re taking your digital imaginings.</p> <p>You can aim to keep them in check, or you can consciously let them spiral – in the knowledge of the notion you might be falling for a ghost.</p> <p><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><span><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lisa-portolan-908906"><em>Lisa Portolan</em></a><em>, PhD student, Institute for Culture and Society, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/western-sydney-university-1092">Western Sydney University</a></em></span></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/looking-for-love-on-a-dating-app-you-might-be-falling-for-a-ghost-128626">original article</a>.</em></p>

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"What hope have I got?" The heartbreaking detail in Michael Clarke's memoir

<div class="post_body_wrapper"> <div class="post_body"> <div class="body_text "> <p>Cricket star Michael Clarke is now living out his worst fears after it’s confirmed that his seven-year marriage to wife Kyly has ended.</p> <p>In his 2016 autobiography<span> </span><em>My Story</em>, the former Aussie cricket captain has revealed the commitment issues he has dealt with as a result of his parents’ divorce.</p> <p>Les, Clarke’s father, had detached himself emotionally from his mother Debbie while battling prostate cancer and the pair split after 25 years together.</p> <p>“Their break-up affected me to the core,” Clarke wrote. “When I split up with my then fiancee Lara Bingle in 2010, part of the undercurrent in my thinking is that if a couple like Mum and Dad can’t make it, what hope have I got?</p> <p>“I don’t even want to start a serious relationship if it’s going to end in a separation. Mum and Dad are my heroes, and their marriage has always been a kind of gold standard for (sister) Leanne and me. I can’t imagine myself measuring up to my parents’ partnership. How can I do it, if they can’t?</p> <p>“It takes me a long time to get over that fear. When Kyly Boldy and I start dating, I open up with her about it. There is a strength of love between us that helps me get over my self-doubt.”</p> <p>He then writes about how the pair met, but it wasn’t until his relationship with Bingle fell apart that the two connected.</p> <p>“By that stage I was going through a rough time, and Kyly’s warmth and compassion touched me,” Clarke wrote.</p> <p>“She had been brought up in a very close and loving family, and encouraged me to let my vulnerability show rather than seeking ways to cover it up.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4o2g4jgHdv/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4o2g4jgHdv/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by 🖤 K Y L Y 🖤 (@kylyclarke)</a> on Nov 9, 2019 at 12:40am PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>“She and I shared fundamental values — she knew that when things were at their most difficult, the people you turned to were your family and close friends. She could see that I was needing the comfort of family, and I fell in love with her family too.</p> <p>“That strong bond of unity provided an extra reinforcement for me at a time when my self-confidence was being shaken. She convinced me that I could hope for the kind of home life I wanted, that I shouldn’t give up on myself.”</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B6bi5jPJZi_/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B6bi5jPJZi_/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Michael Clarke (@michaelclarkeofficial)</a> on Dec 23, 2019 at 1:41pm PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>The Clarkes have since confirmed their split in a statement after<span> </span><em>The Australian<span> </span></em>revealed they were headed for divorce.</p> <p>“After living apart for some time, we have made the difficult decision to separate as a couple, amicably,” the statement read.</p> <p>“With the greatest of respect for each other, we’ve come to the ­mutual conclusion that this is the best course for us to take while committed to the co-parenting of our daughter.”</p> </div> </div> </div>

Relationships

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Princess Beatrice and Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi share royal wedding gift registry

<p>Princess Beatrice and Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi have shared their royal wedding gift list.</p> <p>Last week, it was announced that the Princess of York and her property developer partner fiancé are set to tie the knot on May 29 at the Chapel Royal in St James’s Palace before a reception at Buckingham Palace.</p> <p>Now the couple has also released their wedding gift request. In place of presents, they are asking guests and well-wishers to “find out more” about the work of two philanthropic organisations: Big Change and Cricket Builds Hope.</p> <p>Big Change is a youth charity co-founded by Princess Beatrice, which supports educational and community projects for young people in the UK. The Queen’s granddaughter set up the charity with five friends in 2012.</p> <p>The charity’s CEO Essie North said in a statement that the charity is “honoured” by the couple’s gesture.</p> <p>“As a founder and Trustee of the charity, Beatrice shares an ambitious vision to change how we support all young people to thrive, with the humility to learn from the pioneers leading this change on the ground,” North said.</p> <p>“To date we’ve supported 30 projects helping more than 700,000 young people. We hope that the increased awareness she has brought to Big Change will help us support more brilliant projects making a real difference to young people from all walks of life, but especially those who are the most vulnerable.”</p> <p>Cricket Builds Hope is a charity that uses cricket to promote reconciliation and drive social change in Rwanda. The organisation was co-founded by Mozzi and his stepbrother Alby Shale based on the vision of their father Christopher Shale.</p> <p>The pair’s request is in line with previous royal weddings in recent years. Prince William and Duchess Kate encouraged well-wishers to donate to a fund of 26 charities for their 2011 nuptials, and raised more than US$1 million. Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan also asked guests to make donations in their name to <a href="https://www.vogue.com.au/brides/news/this-is-what-prince-harry-and-meghan-markle-will-have-on-their-wedding-gift-registry/news-story/82a4f26e84c80c6fa22a87c574bb0c5a">seven handpicked organisations</a> for their 2018 wedding.</p> <p>Prince Charles and Princess Diana received <a href="https://www.vogue.com/article/royal-wedding-registries">more than 6,000 wedding gifts</a> in 1981.</p>

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Why people post 'couple photos' as their social media profile pictures

<p>As you scroll through your Facebook news feed, you see it: Your friend has posted a new profile picture. But instead of a picture of just your friend, it’s a couple photo – a picture of your friend and their romantic partner.</p> <p>“Why would someone choose that as their profile picture?” you wonder.</p> <p><a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=IhivPfwAAAAJ&amp;hl=en&amp;oi=ao">We are social</a> <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=4LI2RO0AAAAJ&amp;hl=en&amp;oi=ao">psychology researchers</a> interested in understanding people’s behavior in close relationships and on social media. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219893998">Our research</a> and that of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167214549944">other scholars</a> provides insight into why people use these types of “I’m part of a couple!” displays on social media. Choosing profile photos that include their romantic partner, posting their relationship status and mentioning their partner in their updates can all be signs of how people feel in their relationship – and may send an important message to potential rivals.</p> <p><strong>Who does this?</strong></p> <p>What we social psychologists call <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219893998">“dyadic displays” are relatively common</a>.</p> <p>In a recent study that we conducted, 29% of romantically involved Facebook users had a “couple” photo as their current profile picture. Seventy percent had a dyadic relationship status posted – such as “In a relationship” or “Married.” And participants mentioned their romantic partner in 15% of their recent Facebook updates.</p> <p><iframe id="mr84v" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/mr84v/2/" height="400px" width="100%" style="border: none;" frameborder="0"></iframe></p> <p>Certain people are more likely to use these dyadic displays than others. People who are <a href="https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2011.0291">very satisfied with</a> or <a href="https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2015.0060">committed to</a> their romantic relationship are more likely to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550612460059">post couple profile photos</a> or <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219893998">represent their relationships on social media</a> in other ways. The <a href="https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00214">more in love a coupled-up person is, and the more jealousy they report</a>, the more likely they are to post their relationship status publicly on Facebook.</p> <p>People who have an <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.78.2.350">anxious attachment style</a> – who worry about their partner rejecting or abandoning them – are also more likely to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167214549944">use a dyadic profile photo and post a dyadic relationship status on Facebook</a>. In contrast, people who have an <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.78.2.350">avoidant attachment style</a> – who are uncomfortable depending on others and who prioritize maintaining their independence – are unlikely to showcase their couplehood in these ways.</p> <p>Whether someone underscores their romantic status online can also change according to how a person is feeling at a given time. People are more likely to post relationship-relevant information on Facebook on days when they <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167214549944">feel more insecure</a> about their partner’s feelings for them than they typically do and on days when they <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550612460059">feel more satisfied</a> with their relationship.</p> <p><strong>Why display couplehood this way?</strong></p> <p>One possible reason, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550612460059">proposed by other scholars</a>, is that these displays accurately represent how many romantically involved people see themselves.</p> <p>People in close relationships often <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.63.4.596">include their partner in their self-concept</a> – they see their partner as part of themselves. People may display their couplehood on social media, then, because doing so accurately represents how they see themselves: as intertwined with their partner.</p> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219893998">Our recent survey</a> of 236 romantically involved adult Facebook users supported this idea. We found that people – especially those who are very satisfied with their relationships – use dyadic displays partly because they see their partner as part of who they are.</p> <p>We also found another, more strategic reason that people perform these displays: They’re motivated to protect their relationships from threats that exist on social media. Using Facebook, Twitter and all the rest exposes people to a variety of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1089/cpb.2008.0263">things that could potentially harm</a> their relationship, including ex-partners, alternative partners they could start a relationship with and romantic rivals who could attempt to steal their current sweethearts.</p> <p>Outside of social media, research has shown that committed people engage in a host of behaviors to defend their relationships against threats posed by <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2015.01.011">alternative partners</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/0162-3095(88)90010-6">romantic rivals</a>. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/a0023647">Mentioning their partner or relationship</a> is one way people may try to ward off these potential troublemakers.</p> <p>We found that people who were more motivated to protect their relationships from these kinds of threats were more likely to use dyadic displays. Wanting to keep the good thing they had going was one reason why highly satisfied and committed people were particularly likely to feature their partner on their social media profiles.</p> <p>Other researchers have found that some people feature their partner and relationship in their social media profiles because having other people know that they are in a relationship <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167214549944">gives them a self-esteem boost</a>. This motive to feel good about themselves is one reason why anxiously attached people want their Facebook friends to be able to tell that they are in a relationship – and why avoidantly attached people don’t.</p> <p><strong>How do others interpret these displays?</strong></p> <p>Interestingly, viewers tend to form <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691612442904">fairly accurate impressions</a> of others based on their social media profiles and posts.</p> <p>In experiments, researchers have manipulated social media profiles to investigate the consequences of advertising your coupledom in these ways.</p> <p>Posting couple photos and using other dyadic displays leads other people to perceive the profile owner as <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12059">more likable and as more likely to be in a satisfying and committed relationship</a>.</p> <p>These dyadic displays not only <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407512468370">communicate commitment</a>, but also suggest that the profile owner is <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219893998">unlikely to be receptive to romantic advances</a> from other people. This may discourage others from trying to get closer to the profile owner, perhaps protecting the relationship.</p> <p>If you’ve never done it, it may seem surprising that people would choose a “couple photo” as their profile picture. But doing so has the potential to produce positive outcomes for that person and their relationship.<!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/amanda-l-forest-941415">Amanda L. Forest</a>, Assistant Professor of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-pittsburgh-854">University of Pittsburgh</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kori-krueger-950797">Kori Krueger</a>, Ph.D. Student in Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-pittsburgh-854">University of Pittsburgh</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-people-post-couple-photos-as-their-social-media-profile-pictures-130661">original article</a>.</em></p>

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The wedding request that’s sparking debate

<p><span>Wedding planning is not an easy feat – but it’s even more so when you wish for the special day to be child-free.</span></p> <p><span>There are many reasons why couples decide against having children at their wedding. A practical one is cost – according to <a href="https://www.easyweddings.com.au/articles/wedding-cost/"><em>Easy Weddings</em></a>, the average cost of a wedding in Australia is $32,940. While the addition of children into the guest list may not sound like a lot, the costs could easily add up with the requirements for more space, tables and meals.</span></p> <p><span>Excluding kids also helps the couple plan their special day more easily, and ensure the event goes more smoothly. “No kids means the parents can cut loose and enjoy the party you’ve set up for them,” an author wrote on <a href="https://www.brides.com/story/no-kids-allowed-wedding-real-bride"><em>Brides</em></a>. </span></p> <p><span>“Not inviting children closed the risk of skinned knees on cobblestones and screaming adults trying to track down their kids.”</span></p> <p><span>However, the rule has proven to be quite controversial. Writing for <a href="https://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/why-child-free-weddings-are-totally-insulting/"><em>Today’s Parent</em></a>, Karen Pinchin argued that child-free weddings are “totally insulting” to the guests.</span></p> <p><span>“If you love and trust the people you’re inviting to your wedding, then love and trust that they will make the best decision for you on your big day,” she wrote. </span></p> <p><span>“By explicitly saying ‘adults only’ or ‘no kids’, these invitations are dictating terms, taking guests’ best judgment out of the matter entirely.”</span></p> <p><span>Meg Keene of <a href="https://apracticalwedding.com/children-not-invited-to-wedding/"><em>A Practical Wedding</em></a> suggested a middle ground, where exceptions are made only for new and nursing mothers. “New motherhood is isolating, and if you can avoid your girlfriend having to sit out a wedding because the baby won’t take a bottle, do it,” she wrote. </span></p>

Relationships

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Why you should find someone like you for a happy relationship

<p>Relationships are often interpreted as the outcome of an exchange of goods and services. Common knowledge says that the sexes want different things from a partner.</p> <p>These preferences are often reduced to shallow, one-dimensional demands – beauty for men and resources for women. “Opposites attract,” they say. No one asks, “Why did that beautiful, young woman marry that old, old man?” because they already know the answer. He had something she wanted and she had something he wanted.</p> <p>This <a href="http://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract?fromPage=online&amp;aid=6734712&amp;fileId=S0140525X00023992">exchange view of relationships</a> is constantly reinforced – from Shakespearean sonnets and modern romantic comedies to a mother’s advice – and the conclusion seems self-evident. Men and women are two sides of a coin, the yin to the other’s yang. And all any of us are doing is attempting to get the <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20006552">most out of a partner</a> for what we’re offering on the mating market.</p> <p>The only problem is it’s wrong, according to the latest research.</p> <p><strong>Why we think opposites attract</strong></p> <p>The prevalent view that opposites attract and it’s all about an exchange is in line with <a href="http://www.jstor.org/stable/2091961?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents">decades of research</a> in the mate choice literature. The argument, rooted in basic sex differences, is that males and females engage in fundamentally different strategies to ensure their ability to survive and reproduce. Because males invest less than females do in reproduction, they benefit more from <a href="http://www.anthro.utah.edu/PDFs/trivers1972.pdf">taking multiple partners</a> than do females.</p> <p>Thus, males assess indicators of a partner’s reproductive ability. This assessment is particularly acute for our species because women’s window of fertility is quite short relative to a man’s. So men place a greater importance on the physical attractiveness of a potential partner because it serves as an indicator of fertility.</p> <p>Females, on the other hand bear the brunt of reproductive costs and so access to resources becomes central to raising successful young. Thus women, who have some of the most expensive children in the animal kingdom, are quite interested in a partner’s ability to invest. Women desire indicators of a man’s ability to acquire and provide resources. Thus, our opposite preferences are, at their simplest, due to our basic sex differences.</p> <p><strong>Likes attract</strong></p> <p>But more recent work challenges this simple “opposites attract” approach. <a href="http://rsos.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/2/1/140402">For example</a>, while men are often labeled as preferring multiple partners, these preferences are inappropriately assumed. Many men are quite averse to short-term uncommitted relationships and instead desire long-term relationship commitment with a single partner.</p> <p>Increasingly, findings from cross-cultural studies of mate choice run counter to Western notions of “opposites attract.” For example, in some cases men are the ones who desire an <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1090513808000081">investing partner</a> and in others women show a clear preference for <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dm1tN3SmDWs">male beauty</a> and <a href="http://www.pnas.org/content/111/40/14388.abstract">feminine traits</a>. So should we just dismiss this as a Western quirk, and just chalk up another explanation to “cultural differences?”</p> <p>Not so fast. A body of theory in reproductive decision making referred to as <a href="http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/39494/assortative-mating">assortative mating</a> has been building up an <a href="http://mitpress.mit.edu/books/adapting-minds">impressive body of support</a>. Central to theoretical expectations is that those individuals who are more alike will end up together. This should be thought of as antitheses to claims of “opposites attract” and referred to as a “likes attract” approach.</p> <p>For example, “likes attract” research finds that partner preferences are strongly influenced by how, for example, <a href="http://www.pnas.org/content/100/15/8805.abstract">individuals rate themselves</a>. That is, people who rate themselves high as a mate are generally more demanding of a high quality mate. More specifically, if an individual rates him/herself high on a trait (such as physical attractiveness, education, trustworthy, etc) they desire a partner that also scores high on that trait as well.</p> <p><strong>It all comes down to partner matching</strong></p> <p><a href="http://asr.sagepub.com/content/early/2014/05/29/0003122414536391.abstract">Work</a> exploring this approach using US data finds that yes, as is commonly expected, physically attractive women often desire high status men, and high status men want physically attractive women. However, if the data is analyzed from a “likes attract” approach, it is clear that attractive women want attractive men and high status men want high status women. Like for like.</p> <p>Thus, relationships don’t seem to be about an exchange of goods and services but instead about partner matching. Therefore the apparent robustness of sex differences in preferences may largely be an artifact of the focus on sex at the expense of other more meaningful variables.</p> <p>But why do see this pattern? Why do we want someone like us? Well, if we look across the animal kingdom it’s easy to see that humans are unusual creatures. Monogamy among animals is <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20006552">extremely rare</a>. Even more unusual is paternal care. And because our children take a long time to develop and require the help of a dad, <a href="http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0089539#pone.0089539-Ellis1">long-term stable relationships</a> are likely in the best interest of both parents. Thus, pairing based on similar traits and evaluations as a mate possibly make for more enduring pair-bonds over time.</p> <p>In conclusion, most of us desire to one day find our soul mate. We pine for that one perfect somebody whose sole purpose for existence is to be found by us. But, if we are all seeking our other half, the one who completes us, why do most relationships end in failure? Why is love so full of heartache? Possibly because an “opposites attract” approach to a relationships is doomed from the beginning. If you want to be happy it would seem that you need to be realistic about yourself. Who makes the best mate for you is not some cultural or societal ideal, but someone who matches you.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/37010/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ryan-schacht-150392">Ryan Schacht</a>, Postdoctoral Fellow in Anthropology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-utah-1188">University of Utah</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/forget-opposites-attract-to-be-happy-find-someone-like-you-37010">original article</a>.</em></p>

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Carrie Bickmore's hilarious X-rated question for Margot Robbie

<div class="body_text "> <p>Margot Robbie and the rest of The Project panellists were left in shock after Carrie Bickmore slipped up and asked Margot an X-rated question.</p> <p>During a pre-recorded interview, Carrie spoke with the Bombshell star and asked about having a relationship while being in the spotlight.</p> <p>Margot works with her husband, Tom Ackerley, and Carrie asked if they “ever just sit on the couch and you know, Netflix and chill?”</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr">.<a href="https://twitter.com/BickmoreCarrie?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@BickmoreCarrie</a> chats with <a href="https://twitter.com/MargotRobbie?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@MargotRobbie</a> about the powerful reception to Bombshell, working on a film with her brother, her letter to Tarantino, and the A-list star she's desperate to meet. Margot's new film ‘Birds of Prey’ is in cinemas on Thursday. <a href="https://t.co/EncpExOhoT">pic.twitter.com/EncpExOhoT</a></p> — The Project (@theprojecttv) <a href="https://twitter.com/theprojecttv/status/1224612855103860736?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 4, 2020</a></blockquote> <p>Margot was definitely surprised by the question, awkwardly laughing before explaining that they don’t get to relax as much as they’d like.</p> <p>We don’t get as much downtime as we would probably like but we both really like what we do,” she explained.</p> <p>“We also have a lot of time to chill, actually that’s a lie we don’t have time to chill, but we have a lot of fun and we love what we do.”</p> <p>After the pre-recorded segment, Peter Helliar was quick to call Carrie out on the awkward moment, asking if she “forgot what Netflix and chill actually means”.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B8IQ2n0HuUf/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B8IQ2n0HuUf/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Carrie Bickmore (@bickmorecarrie)</a> on Feb 3, 2020 at 7:01pm PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>“Perhaps I just meant hang on the couch instead of having action on a couch,” Carrie said, laughing out loud after realising her faux pas.</p> <p>“I mean it’s concerning her answer was that they don’t get a lot of time for it,” she continued.</p> </div> <div class="post_download_all_wrapper"></div>

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“Relaxed” Prince William and Duchess Kate have ramped up PDA since Megxit

<p>It is not something royal watchers are used to seeing, but in a slightly strange turn of events, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have appeared to become more tactile and love-up than they have seemed in a while.</p> <p>A body language expert has noted the pair appear to have “relaxed their royal rules” when completing their duties, and have dabbled in romantic touches and fun body language that indicates a certain change.</p> <p>Body language expert Judi James told <em>Fabulous Digital</em> that their “body language has always veered on the side of bland, but it is also always pitch-perfect for their royal role”.</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7834357/kate-middleton-prince-william-2.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/d3a20da8ac984c2e9d5a8c07a0e8b4e6" /></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><em>Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge speak to young people and employers at Bradford Town Hall on January 15, 2020 in Bradford, United Kingdom.</em></p> <p>Over the years, royal watchers have learnt not to expect “non-verbal soap opera from the couple,” but Judi says things have changed.</p> <p>The expert said: “William and Kate do seem to be bringing more non-verbal signals and touches into their ‘routine’ post-Megxit though, apparently understanding that they can push the boundaries a little without suffering from obsessive interest and criticism.</p> <p>“As a result we’re seeing an increase of rituals that are showing the fun and the love but without compromising royal tradition.”</p> <p>A notable gesture done by the couple that hasn’t gone past Judi is the Duke handing his wife a rose while they were greeting supporters – it was a move that the expert perceived was well received from the Duchess.</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7834358/kate-middleton-prince-william-3.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/0a4cd3cad260412f86aae61d323f54c6" /></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><em>Duke and Duchess of Cambridge depart City Hall, Bradford on January 15, 2020. </em></p> <p>She said: “Although he was heavily egged on by the crowds, Kate’s dimpled smile and eye contact showed she appreciated the romantic gesture from her bashful-looking husband”.</p> <p>Not only has the couple appeared more calm and confident with eachother during royal engagements, they also show a closeness when just out and about.</p> <p>“William and Kate are currently showing a capacity for comedy and performing it as a double act to double the laughs,” Judi said.</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7834356/kate-middleton-prince-william-1.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/1d382265c79849d68ff31fcb357d33f7" /></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><em>Duke of Cambridge and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge visit Joe's Ice Cream Parlour in the Mumbles to meet local parents and carers on February 04, 2020 near Swansea, South Wales.</em></p> <p>“Kate tends to be more active and demonstrative but William mimics enough to make it mutual and he seems to mutter asides into Kate’s ear to prompt most of the joking.”</p> <p>Cameras followed the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge competing against one another in a baking challenge set by cooking legend Mary Berry for ITV’s A Berry Royal Christmas.</p> <p>Judi said: “Kate is now instigating more tie-sign touch rituals in public and William is reciprocating.</p> <p>“We might not be seeing the kind of intensely tactile behaviour that we did from Harry and Meghan but the increase in caring or thought-sharing touches shows a post-Megxit approach to a relaxing of the ‘rules’.”</p>

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The one comfort Shane Fitzsimmons has in the middle of devastating bushfires

<p>For NSW RFS boss Shane Fitzsimmons, the last few months have been a trying and exhausting time – but there has been one source of comfort he has found.</p> <p>While appearing on Studio 10, the RFS NSW Commissioner emotionally admitted in his moments of struggle, he has had “three wonderful women” in his life who keep his emotions at bay and strength unwavering.</p> <p>"In those darkest of moments... ringing my wife is one of the most important things I do, shedding a few tears here and there, and talking through what is happening," he told the panel.</p> <p>"My family keeps me very, very grounded. My wife is an absolute rock, and my daughters."</p> <p>“I’m blessed to have three wonderful women in my life at home.”</p> <p>Fitzsimmons, who met his wife Lisa back when he was just a volunteer with RFS and Lisa’s father was a local fire control officer, said there were few challenges back then for the pair.</p> <p>"I remember there were a few challenges, when she would say to her parents, 'I'm never getting involved with anyone in this bloody organisation'!'" Fitzsimmons joked.</p> <p>"They do remind her about that now."</p> <p>The RFS is in Fitzsimmons' blood -- he followed in his father's footsteps, joining as a volunteer at 15.</p> <p>"I've effectively grown up in the organisation, which is why I love it so much," he said.</p> <p>Tragically, in June 2000 Fitzsimmons' father George and three other firefighters were killed during a hazard reduction burn in Ku-ring-gai Chase National Park.</p> <p>The horrific situation left him considering whether he should step back from his duties, however the tragedy he says, helped ground his resolve to defend the RFS record on reduction burning, and insists the strategy is “complicated”.</p> <p>"Hazard reductions are not without risk, and not without consequences. I am very dismissive of people that say we should just go out there and light up the bush, because it’s a load of rubbish," he told the panel. </p> <p>"There are very real risks for those who are executing the burning strategy, but there are also implications."</p> <p>"I did think for a while, that if something like that could happen to my dad with all of those decades of experience, that I've got to give this game away," he said.</p> <p>"But that thought didn't last long. I'm a big believer in [the fact that] you can have everyone on the sideline pontificating about what should happen, but if you want to see change, you have to be part of the process."</p> <p>Fitzsimmons said the RFS has been working on issues around science and climate change in its business cases and planning for many years.</p>

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What is this thing called love?

<p>Love it or loathe it, Valentine’s Day is a celebration of romantic love. But what exactly is romantic love? Researchers are increasingly interested in this question, and the answer is not at all clear.</p> <p><strong>What is an emotion?</strong></p> <p>Everyone from Plato to Taylor Swift has pondered the meaning of love. But, in the last two decades, researchers in the humanities and across the social, behavioural and cognitive sciences have also investigated romantic love.</p> <p>Most – <a href="http://emr.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/07/17/1754073915594431.abstract">though not all</a> – researchers are happy to call romantic love a human emotion. But what researchers mean by “emotion” varies.</p> <p>Some explain emotions as hard-wired biological processes that are innate to humans. Others talk about them as behaviours or experiences that involve cognitive judgements. And still others think emotions are socially constructed, meaning they are social rather than natural phenomena.</p> <p><strong>Romantic love: universal or changeable?</strong></p> <p>Almost everyone separates out romantic love from other kinds of love or intimacy. This separation is usually about sex: when most people talk about romantic love, they mean love that involves sexual desire.</p> <p>Many researchers think this kind of love is experienced by all people across time and place, and there is research to support this. <a href="http://cup.columbia.edu/book/intimacies/9780231134361">Anthropological studies</a> of romantic love across cultures show that love is likely to be a universal human emotion. Neuroscientific investigations of romantic love find similarities in the <a href="http://journals.lww.com/neuroreport/Fulltext/2000/11270/The_neural_basis_of_romantic_love.46.aspx">brain activity</a> or <a href="http://www.clinicalneuropsychiatry.org/pdf/02_marazziti.pdf">chemistry</a> of people who report being in love.</p> <p>But the historian <a href="http://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/M/bo13412967.html">William Reddy</a> cautions us not to “make too much of” similarities in romantic love across cultures, and with good reason. There is ample evidence that romantic love varies over time and place.</p> <p><a href="https://rowman.com/ISBN/9780761832324/Love-and-Sex-Cross-Cultural-Perspectives">Cross-cultural studies</a> of romantic love show significant differences in the emotion. And <a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/the-english-in-love-9780199594436?cc=au&amp;lang=en&amp;">historical investigations</a> almost always demonstrate changes in how people experience or imagine romantic love over time. Is romantic love universal or changeable? There is research to support both viewpoints.</p> <p><strong>Radical or conservative?</strong></p> <p>Some of the most interesting research into romantic love looks at its personal and political effects. As the sociologist <a href="http://www.polity.co.uk/book.asp?ref=9780745620725">Mary Evans</a> explains, falling in love is meant to take lovers to a new and different place. Studies of people who are in love report that we understand romantic love as <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1996-14298-001">transformative</a>.</p> <p>And researchers sometimes talk about romantic love as a radical or subversive emotion with the potential to transform society. We can see this particularly in investigations of courtly love. Courtly love was a model of <a href="http://www.abc-clio.com/ABC-CLIOCorporate/product.aspx?pc=C3855C">“aristocratic courtship”</a> found in the literature of medieval France. <a href="http://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/M/bo13412967.html">Historians of courtly love</a> often talk about it as a kind of radical resistance to the power of the church.</p> <p>Others talk about romantic love as a deeply problematic emotion in desperate need of critique. These researchers would say that we may think romantic love is the site of personal freedom, but in fact we are living under <a href="https://www.routledge.com/products/9780415162982">“government by love”</a>.</p> <p>This critique was more common in the 1970s, when radical second-wave feminists attacked heterosexual romantic love as oppressive. But some <a href="https://www.routledge.com/products/9780415655484">researchers</a> continue to explain romantic love as one of the ways our lives are regulated and controlled, limiting our intimate possibilities.</p> <p><strong>I want to know what love is</strong></p> <p>Some might say all this proves is that we should stop thinking we can research and understand emotions, and just experience them. But I don’t think so. Emotional experiences are a very significant part of our everyday lives, but they also have public and political effects.</p> <p>Research into emotions gives us insight into the shape of these effects. It shows us the way that war widows were mobilised by their <a href="http://www.cambridge.org/au/academic/subjects/history/history-after-1945-general/living-aftermath-trauma-nostalgia-and-grief-post-war-australia?format=HB&amp;isbn=9780521802185">grief</a> in 20th-century Australia, or how acknowledgements of national <a href="https://jhupbooks.press.jhu.edu/content/guilt-nations">guilt</a> for past injustices might lead to restitution for the disenfranchised.</p> <p>Research into romantic love is built on people’s experiences and understandings of their intimate lives. What if love seems muddy in this research because people’s understandings and experiences of intimacy are muddy? What if the diverse ways that people live their intimate lives cannot be explained by a specific singular category, “romantic love”?</p> <p>If that’s the case, then we don’t really need to worry about fitting into any particular romantic ideal this Valentine’s Day. And romantic love can be whatever we want it to be. Embrace it, avoid it, remake it in your own way. Love your partner, your cat, your friends, everyone, nobody. And don’t apologise for it.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/54053/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sarah-pinto-224830">Sarah Pinto</a>, Lecturer in Australian Studies, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-this-thing-called-love-54053">original article</a>.</em></p>

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