Relationships

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How to end a relationship kindly

<p><span>Breakups are never easy, no matter which side you are on. However, when you are the one trying to end the relationship, the pain from the loss can be exacerbated with the guilt from hurting your partner in the process. Here are things you could consider, to help minimise the damage off the split.</span></p> <p><strong><span>Prepare ahead</span></strong></p> <p><span>Create a loose script with points you want to bring up when you break the news. Lior Gotesman, co-founder and COO of relationship coaching app Relationship Hero, told <a href="https://www.lifehacker.com.au/2019/02/how-to-break-up-with-someone-kindly/"><em>Lifehacker</em></a><em>, </em>“The conversation should involve sharing a few things about the other person that they appreciate, a clear statement about not wanting to be in the relationship any more, and an honest explanation of why they’ve decided to break up.”</span></p> <p><span>Apart from a speech, you should also prepare yourself for the end of the relationship. Dumpers often find themselves having second thoughts, which could make for messy, complicated situations. So do not rush into the decision. “Everyone who wants to break up, every single person, does not voice that the minute they think it,” Guy Winch, author of <em>How to Fix a Broken Heart</em>, told <a href="http://time.com/5406794/how-to-break-up-with-someone/"><em>TIME</em></a>. “They have to process it and be sure and be ready.” Take the time to think through what you want and talk to a trusted friend or professional to sort your feelings if needed.</span></p> <p><strong><span>Don’t assign blame</span></strong></p> <p><span>This is a difficult one – at the end of a relationship, it can be tempting to vent all your grievances about the other person. However, even if you feel your partner is largely the one to blame, the split is still your decision. Framing it as a result of their behaviour (“I’m breaking up with you because you cheated on me”) or other external circumstances that is out of your control (“the timing is not right”) may encourage them to think that the breakup can still be reversed – so take responsibility by acknowledging that it is what you want (“I no longer feel comfortable staying in this relationship”). It helps your partner find closure and process the separation better.</span></p> <p><strong><span>Do it in person (if possible)</span></strong></p> <p><span>In general, it is recommended to break up in person to show respect to the other person and underscore that you find the relationship important. It is less hurtful than announcing the separation through text or <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/entertainment/books/phone-etiquette-why-we-need-to-stop-expecting-instant-text-message-replies">ghosting</a>, where you simply stop returning messages or calls. </span></p> <p><span>Many experts also advise doing it in a private space such as your partner’s house, so that they could be in a familiar place instead of having to get home in a distraught state.</span></p> <p><span>Some exceptions might apply – for example, if the relationship has been abusive and left you fearing for your safety. If this is the case, call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) for information, counselling or support.</span></p> <p><span>Do you have any tips to ending a relationship in a kind way? Share with us in the comments.</span></p>

Relationships

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Samuel Johnson spills on romance rumours with Cassandra Thorburn

<p>Samuel Johnson has revealed that <em>Dancing With The Stars </em>and the friendships he made on the show have changed his life for the better.    </p> <p>In a new interview with <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.who.com.au/dancing-with-the-stars-samuel-johnson-confirms-truth-about-romance-with-cassandra-thorburn" target="_blank"><em>Who</em></a>, the 41-year-old said that the dancing competition has “taken over” his life.</p> <p>The Molly star announced his retirement from acting in 2016 to focus on his charity Love Your Sister. However, this year he agreed to participate on <em>DWTS</em> to raise funds for the non-profit organization.</p> <p>“I can’t remember another time when I was so enthused about something,” said Johnson. “[<em>DWTS</em>] has taken over my life. I dived in willingly and it feels better than I could have hoped for. I’m loving it.”</p> <p>Johnson also spoke of the chemistry he has with fellow contestant Cassandra Thorburn, whom he described as “gorgeous”.</p> <p>“We’re as thick as thieves,” he said.</p> <p>“We love a gossip. We constantly find things to giggle about. In another life, who knows what would have happened?”</p> <p>He said he and the 47-year-old Thorburn are “great mates” who “flirt well”.</p> <p>“When you’re feeling vulnerable, it’s nice if someone finds you attractive.”</p> <p>While Johnson is still in the competition, Thorburn finished her run on the reality show <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/entertainment/tv/cassandra-thorburn-lands-tv-role-with-studio-10/" target="_blank">last week</a>. <em>DWTS</em> is Thorburn’s first TV appearance since her split with Karl Stefanovic in 2016.</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"> <p dir="ltr">"I've learnt a lot from this experience" - a sad goodbye to Cass &amp; Marco <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/DWTSau?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#DWTSau</a> <a href="https://t.co/edlTNrVHEG">pic.twitter.com/edlTNrVHEG</a></p> — Dancing With The Stars Australia (@DancingOn10) <a href="https://twitter.com/DancingOn10/status/1105055994206449664?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 11, 2019</a></blockquote> <p>Are you watching<em> DWTS</em>? Who do you want to see come out on top? Let us know in the comments below.</p>

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Duchess Kate steps out for her first-ever solo outing with the Queen

<p>The Duchess of Cambridge and the Queen stepped out for their joint royal event – for the first time ever.</p> <p>The royal members were driven to Bush House in the same car and were pictured in the backseat together.</p> <p>In a sweet moment Her Majesty and the Duchess shared a blanket before stepping out to wave to calling fans.</p> <p>To fight off the cold weather, despite it being the first day of spring, the duo was pictured keeping cosy with a blue blanket draped over both their laps.</p> <p>According to <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.thesun.co.uk/" target="_blank"><em>The Sun</em></a>, the Duchess joined the Queen at Kings College London to reopen a newly renovated learning facility on the Strand campus.</p> <p>The Queen is patron of King’s College and visited in both 2002 and 2012. Both Her Majesty and her daughter-in-law took a tour of the facilities and met with supporters of the development.</p> <p>They also got to see a robotics demonstration, including robotic surgery and a demo showing how sensors made from textiles can show useful information about a person’s body.</p> <p>This event is the first both Duchess Kate and the Queen have attended together.</p> <p>In 2012, they did however visit Leicester as part of the Diamond Jubilee tour but were joined by the Duke of Edinburgh.</p> <p>Both the royal members chose to step out in style for their first solo event, the 37-year-old Duchess returning to an old favourite of hers, her Lock &amp; Co Fairy Tale beret-style cocktail hat which she has worn publicly on at least eight occasions.</p> <p>She also opted for a muted grey coat-dress which was simple in style but paired well with the Queen’s soft pink ensemble.</p> <p>The rose-coloured cashmere coat was paired with a silk dress with touches of grey fuchsia and olive tones.</p> <p>Scroll through the gallery above to see the royal member’s outfits for their first event out together.</p>

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Prince Charles is ecstatic to be a “doting grandad” to Baby Sussex

<p>Prince Charles and the Duchess of Sussex are reportedly as thick as thieves.</p> <p>This clears the way for Prince Charles to play the doting grandfather, instead of the distance he has shown previously.</p> <p>Five years ago, when Prince George was born, things were very different. Prince Charles was feeling excluded from Duchess Kate and Prince William’s first child, as the Duchess’ parents were more on hand.</p> <p>As the 70-year-old had a more austere upbringing and was always away on royal business, he wasn’t the most present grandfather as he had little free time.</p> <p>However, things have improved with the arrival of Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis.</p> <p>Speaking to <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/8649056/meghan-markle-prince-harry-baby-charles-grandson/" target="_blank"><em>The Sun</em></a>, a friend of Prince Charles has said: “At the time Prince George was born, Charles was less easy in the role of a grandfather.</p> <p>“But now he welcomes each new arrival with a wider grin and even more open arms. He loves the happy chaos of it all.”</p> <p>It helps that Duchess Meghan was extremely interested in the history of the family, which is something that Prince Charles was more than eager to share with her.</p> <p>The friend went on to say, “He was captivated by Meghan when he first met her. He thought she was extremely intelligent, hardworking and impressive. They have a genuinely warm relationship.</p> <p>“When she first moved to London Meghan was very interested in the history of the family. Art was the medium through which they talked about it. They have a lot in common. He has a natural affection for her.”</p> <p>Prince Harry is delighted by the love between his father and his wife, especially when Prince Charles stepped up and offered to walk Duchess Meghan down the aisle after her father pulled out.</p> <p>Scroll through the gallery above to see Prince Charles’ cutest moments as a grandfather.</p> <p>Are you excited for the birth of Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan’s baby? Let us know in the comments below.</p>

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Buckingham Palace confirms royal couple have divorced

<p>Buckingham Palace has confirmed Lady Davina Windsor and husband, a New Zealand native, Gary Lewis, have divorced after 14 years of marriage.</p> <p>Quipped as an unlikely match, the split breaks apart the great-granddaughter of King George V and the first New Zealander to marry into the royal family.</p> <p>Lady Davina is daughter to the Queen’s first cousin, Prince Richard, Duke of Gloucester, and is 30th in line to the throne.</p> <p>“It’s very sad, but their differences were just too great in the end,” a friend of the couple told the<a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6815659/EDEN-CONFIDENTIAL-Lady-Davina-Windsors-14-year-marriage-Maori-sheep-shearer-husband-ends.html"> <em>Daily Mail</em>.</a></p> <p>Gary was the first person of Māori descent to marry into the British royal family.</p> <p>Hopeful royal onlookers used the pair’s union as “proof” that marriages between royalty and commoners were not at all impossible.</p> <p>Lady Davina and Gary, a carpenter by trade, met while on holiday in Bali in 2000. They married in the private chapel at Kensington Palace four years later in 2004.</p> <p>The royal couple moved to a working-class suburb in Auckland before eventually trailing back to Britain.</p> <p>The couple lived a relatively private life, although appearing at the Trooping the Colour ceremony as well as the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s wedding ceremony.</p> <p>As children, Prince William was often pictured running around Buckingham Palace with his older cousin, Lady Davina and her sister Lady Rose Windsor.</p> <p>The couple share two children, Senna Kowhai, eight, and Tane Mahuta, six. Gary also has a 26-year-old son from a previous relationship.</p> <p>“Gazza”, Lewis is allegedly known to friends as, is the son of a champion sheep-shearer.</p> <p>While the reason behind the divorce remains unknown, both Lady Davina and now-ex-husband are both said to remain “actively involved in the upbringing of their children.”</p> <p>Scroll through the gallery above to see the royal couple.</p>

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Julianne Moore opens up about her 16-year marriage to Bart Freundlich

<p>Many Hollywood couples haven’t stood the test of time, however, Julianne Moore’s 16-year marriage to filmmaker and director Bart Freundlich, 49, is a shining example of a famous long-lasting relationship.</p> <p>On Wednesday, the 58-year-old veteran actress revealed the dynamics of her family life in an interview with <a rel="noopener" href="https://people.com/movies/julianne-moore-what-makes-her-16-year-marriage-work/" target="_blank"><em>People</em>.</a></p> <p>The couple have two children together, 21-year-old Caleb and 16-year-old Liv throughout their long marriage. In the revealing interview, Moore explained her excellent relationship with Freundlich has been the result of years of hard work.</p> <p>“We have this narrative in our culture that if you want a career, you have to work hard, go to school, look for a job, you have to apply yourself, but love is supposed to just happen to you,” explained the Oscar winner.</p> <p>“One day you’re going to meet someone and get hit over the head and boom! That happens in romantic comedies but in real life you have to make time.</p> <p>“When you find a person, you have to invest in them and that relationship. And that’s what love is.”</p> <p>The Hollywood couple married in 2003 after meeting in 1996 on the set of <em>The Myth of Fingerprints</em>, which the 49-year-old film maker directed.</p> <p>“It was pretty unexpected,” she said of their relationship.</p> <p>“It kept going, and now we have this huge history together.”</p> <p>The <em>Still Alice</em> star compared her strong marriage to a “container” and explained her and her husband’s container is “pretty good. It’s not airtight but it’s pretty good.”</p> <p>She also added marriage is: “a container for a family and that’s why legal marriage is important — that everyone be allowed to be married, every couple, because it’s a way of saying to the world, ‘I’m legally committed to this person and I’m going to make this container for the two of us, and then our children, and our life together'.”</p> <p>With one of their children close to finishing college while their youngest is prepping for her last years of high school – for Moore, life couldn’t get any better.  </p> <p>“'You think, ‘Wow we did it!’ We are intact and we are happy.”</p> <p>Both Moore and Freundlich currently reside in New York.</p> <p>Scroll through the gallery to see Julianne Moore and Bart Freundlich through their 16 years of marriage.</p>

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New letters from Princess Margaret reveal her true feelings about Prince Charles

<p>A series of letters have been discovered which were written by none other than Princess Margaret.</p> <p>The letters were written when Princess Margaret was a teenager, and they shed some light on how she was feeling about becoming a first-time aunt.</p> <p>The notes were written to Sharman Douglas, who was Princess Margaret’s close friend. Douglas was an American socialite and the duo attended parties and dinners together, forging a close bond.</p> <p>In one letter dated 1st April 1979, Margaret writes:</p> <p>"Thank you very much for my delightful evening on Wednesday. I did love every minute of it.</p> <p>"In that last fleeting moment in the 400 [the 400 Club in Leicester] you said you'd like to come and see my heavenly nephew.</p> <p>"I don't know quite when you stop work but if you'd like to drop in about 5.30 on either Wed or Thurs next week, whichever suits, I would adore to show him to you."</p> <p>There’s a series of ten letters that are now up for auction by Ewbanks in London.</p> <p> </p> <p style="text-align: center;"><em>Photo credit: EW Bank Auctions</em><img style="width: 0px; height: 0px;" src="/media/7824861/nr011215-2_1.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/7425a5eb02d94bffb2990c2c62a00b76" /></p> <p>Each letter, which includes the envelope and the instructions for the notes to be delivered “by hand” are estimated to sell for $184 to $277 a piece.</p> <p>In another letter dated 12 July 1949, Princess Margaret thanks Douglas for a magnificent time.</p> <p>"I was feeling so very excited by the time our Can Can was due that I could hardly breathe but the audience was superb, and I have never enjoyed myself so much.</p> <p>"Mummie came in this morning to my room and I was so ecstatic … that I had to dress up and do the whole thing for her!"</p> <p>The series of letters are going on auction on the 22nd of March 2019.</p>

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Why we stay in unhappy relationships

<p>Breaking off a relationship is difficult, no matter the circumstances. However, some of us might still feel hesitant to end things, even when they have become unfulfilling. If you find yourself staying in an unhappy romantic relationship, these studies might explain why.</p> <p>Researchers at the University of Toronto found that people who are afraid of being single are less likely to dump their partner.</p> <p>“Those with stronger fears about being single are willing to settle for less in their relationships,” said Dr Stephanie Spielmann, postdoctoral researcher and co-author of the studies published in the <a href="http://www.individual.utoronto.ca/sspielmann/Spielmann_et_al_inpress_JPSP.pdf"><em>Journal of Personality and Social Psychology</em></a>.</p> <p>“Now we understand that people’s anxieties about being single seem to play a key role in these types of unhealthy relationship behaviours.”</p> <p>The studies, which involved thousands of adult participants from the US and Canada, found that concerns over being single are universal.</p> <p>“In our results we see men and women having similar concerns about being single, which lead to similar coping behaviours, contradicting the idea that only women struggle with a fear of being single,” said co-author Dr Geoff MacDonald.</p> <p>“Loneliness is a painful experience for both men and women, so it’s not surprising that the fear of being single seems not to discriminate on the basis of gender.”</p> <p>Apart from aversion to being alone, the researchers also found that people could stay in unsatisfying relationships for a more altruistic reason. The findings revealed that partners who seem dependent on or committed to a relationship might discourage people from calling it quits.</p> <p>“People stay in relationships for the sake of their partners, even if they feel unappreciated by them,” said associate professor of psychology Emily Impett.</p> <p>Across two <a href="https://www.utoronto.ca/news/why-do-we-stay-unhappy-relationships-u-t-research-has-some-answers">studies</a>, the researchers found that respondents who stayed after contemplating split-ups did so because “they felt that a breakup would be distressing to their partners”.</p> <p>Impett said the next step research-wise would be to investigate whether the other partner would indeed be significantly affected by the potential breakup.</p> <p>“Also, if you’re staying in a relationship and you’re unhappy and your partner is able to pick up on that, that’s got to have an effect on the partner,” Impett added.</p> <p>Have you ever stayed in an unhappy relationship? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.</p>

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Sarah Ferguson’s incredibly touching tribute to “dear Diana”

<p>Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, made an incredible touching honour to the late Princess Diana, her close friend and confidante before her death in 1997.</p> <p>In a social media post, Ferguson shared a collection of photographs of some of the “strong women” in her life, including her late mother and her two daughters, Princess Eugenie and Princess Beatrice.</p> <p>"Thinking of some of the strong women who've been part of my life – my late mother, my dear departed friends Diana and Carolyn Cotterell and of course my fierce, beautiful, loving daughters who make me proud every day," she captioned the images.</p> <p>Included in the series of photographs was a younger Princess Di and Fergie in their royal days, smiling happily.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/Buwp9LgF4_4/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_medium=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="margin: 8px 0 0 0; padding: 0 4px;"><a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Buwp9LgF4_4/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_medium=loading" target="_blank">Thinking of some of the strong women who've been part of my life - my late mother, my dear, departed friends Diana and Carolyn Cotterell and of course my fierce, beautiful, loving daughters Beatrice and Eugenie who make me proud every day #InternationalWomensDay #BalanceforBetter #girlpower</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/sarahferguson15/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_medium=loading" target="_blank"> Sarah Ferguson</a> (@sarahferguson15) on Mar 8, 2019 at 12:10pm PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>The post was in tribute of International Women’s Day on March 8 – a global movement celebrating the achievements of women in society as well as a movement which calls for gender equality.</p> <p>Fans showed their delight with the touching tribute.</p> <p>“You are truly an amazing woman yourself you are strong and beautiful and have a wonderful family. Thank you for remembering Diana,” wrote one Instagram user.</p> <p>“Lovely photos! Thanks for honouring Diana! You and your daughters are wonderful women! Happy International Women’s Day!” added another.</p> <p>Sarah has explained that the negative coverage framing her and Diana as rivals was untrue as the duo were extremely close and found comfort in each other during their royal days.  </p> <p>"Women, in particular, are constantly pitted against and compared with each other in a way that reminds me of how people tried to portray Diana and me all the time as rivals, which is something neither of us ever really felt," she wrote in <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.hellomagazine.com/healthandbeauty/health-and-fitness/2019021167679/sarah-ferguson-online-bullying-hello-to-kindness-exclusive/" target="_blank" title="Hello! Magazine."><em>Hello! Magazine</em>.</a></p> <p><img style="width: 0px; height: 0px;" src="/media/7823807/diana-and-fergie.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/a72ba6b5b3f547599a27d8268c2d0136" /></p> <p>Both and Sarah and Princess Di had in fact known each other years before they were both married into the royal family – Diana playing a massive role in <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/the-role-princess-diana-played-in-prince-andrew-and-fergie-s-romance" target="_blank">Fergie’s and Prince Andrew's whirlwind romance.</a></p> <p>The duo leaned on each other during tough times, especially when both marriages were facing increasing difficulty.</p> <p>“We burned the phone wires into the night, trading secrets and jokes that no-one else would understand,” Fergie wrote in her autobiography.</p> <p>However, despite their close relationship, the two had their own personal reservations with each other – Diana cut off ties with her dear friend in 1996.</p> <p><img style="width: 0px; height: 0px;" src="/media/7823811/diana-and-fergie-gallery-1.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/48eaeb590234402482356243e4c2015b" /></p> <p>The Duchess has said that she had no idea why their relationship came to an end, but royal insiders believe it had something to do with what was written about <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/news/news/fergies-heartbreaking-confession-what-i-miss-about-princess-diana-the-most" target="_blank">Princess Diana in Sarah’s book.</a></p> <p>“We were like siblings … we rowed. And the saddest thing, at the end, we hadn’t spoken for a year,” Ferguson revealed to <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/news/a730/sarah-ferguson-divorce-interview/" target="_blank"><em>Harper’s Bazaar</em>.</a></p> <p>“I tried, wrote letters, thinking whatever happened didn't matter, let's sort it out. And I knew she'd come back.</p> <p>“In fact, the day before she died, she rang a friend of mine and said, 'Where's that Red? I want to talk to her.'”</p>

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Why your relationship may be better than you think

<p>There’s an old saying, “When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.” In other words, before you give up, take matters into your own hands and try a little harder.</p> <p>As a psychology researcher, I believe this adage applies to relationships, too. Before you let go, look for the “knots” that might save you from accidentally letting a great relationship slip from your grasp. Relationship science suggests that the problem is that people tend to overemphasize the negative and underappreciate the positive when looking at their romantic partners.</p> <p>If you could build the perfect relationship, what would it look like? Perhaps more importantly, how does your current relationship stack up? Expectations for today’s relationships are <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721415569274">higher than ever</a>. Now that relationships are a choice, mediocrity isn’t acceptable. It’s all or nothing, and no one <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/a0034628">wants to settle</a>.</p> <p>The secret to avoiding settling seems simple: have high standards and demand only the very best. Researchers refer to people who are pickier than others and always want the absolute best possible option as <a href="http://www.sjdm.org/%7Ebaron/journal/jdm7830.pdf">maximisers</a>. Their counterparts are satisficers – those satisfied once quality surpasses a minimum threshold of acceptability. For them, “good enough” is perfectly fine. As long as their relationship exceeds their predetermined benchmarks for “high quality,” satisficers are content.</p> <p>Maximiser personalities will tend to exhaust all options and explore many possibilities to secure the flawless partner. You might think that sounds ideal, even noble, almost like common sense. But there are hidden downsides. Call it the myth of maximisation, because the research reveals that maximisers <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037//0022-3514.83.5.1178">report more regret and depression and feel threatened</a> by others whom they perceive as doing better. Maximisers also experience lower self-esteem and less optimism, happiness and life satisfaction. And they <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550615595271">prefer reversible decisions or outcomes</a> that are not absolute or final.</p> <p>See the problem? In long-term relationships, people tend to prefer more of a “‘til death do us part” approach rather than a “'til I find something better” tactic. Overall, the implication for your relationship is clear: The continuous pursuit of perfection could be fine for a car, but in your relationship it may result in failing to recognise the truly great relationship that’s right in front of you for what it is. Impossibly high standards can make an excellent relationship seem average.</p> <p>You may also undervalue your relationship by being too quick to identify imperfections, notice the negatives and find problems. Blame what psychologists call the negativity bias, which is a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327957PSPR0504_2">tendency to pay attention to the bad or negative</a> aspects of an experience.</p> <p>In other words, when your relationship is going well, it doesn’t register. You take it for granted. But problems? They capture your attention. The bickering, insensitive comments, forgotten chores, the messes and the inconveniences – all stand out because they deviate from the easily overlooked happy status quo.</p> <p>This tendency is so pronounced that when a relationship doesn’t have any major issues, research suggests that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1126/science.aap8731">people inflate small problems into bigger ones</a>. Rather than be thankful for the relative calm, people manufacture problems where none previously existed. You could be your own worst enemy without even realizing it.</p> <p>Time to recalibrate. The key is separating the critical from the inconsequential in order to distinguish minor issues from real problems. Identifying the true dealbreakers will allow you to save your energy for real problems, and allow the minor stuff to simply fade away.</p> <p>Data from a representative sample of over 5,000 Americans, ranging in age from 21 to over 76, identified the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167215609064">top 10 relationship dealbreakers</a>:</p> <ol> <li>Disheveled or unclean appearance</li> <li>Lazy</li> <li>Too needy</li> <li>Lacks a sense of humour</li> <li>Lives more than three hours away</li> <li>Bad sex</li> <li>Lacks self-confidence</li> <li>Too much TV/video games</li> <li>Low sex drive</li> <li>Stubborn</li> </ol> <p>Beyond that list, there are certainly annoyances that can become dealbreakers in otherwise generally healthy relationships. And if your partner disrespects, hurts or abuses you, those are behaviours that shouldn’t be ignored and should rightly end your relationship.</p> <p>In a follow-up study, researchers asked participants to consider both dealbreakers and dealmakers – that is, qualities that are especially appealing. When determining whether a relationship was viable, it turned out the dealbreakers carried more weight. The negativity bias strikes again. The fact that people tend to focus more on the breakers than the makers is further evidence that we’re not giving some aspects of our relationship enough credit.</p> <p>To help you better appreciate your partner’s good qualities, consider the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.1997.tb00531.x">qualities individuals find most desirable</a> in a marriage partner.</p> <p><iframe id="0D15d" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/0D15d/3/" height="400px" width="100%" style="border: none;" frameborder="0"></iframe></p> <p>What have you been missing in your relationship? Surely there are boxes that your partner checks that you’ve neglected to notice. Start giving credit where credit is due.</p> <p>In fact, some studies suggest you should give your partner even more credit than she or he might deserve. Instead of being realistic, give your partner the benefit of the doubt, with an overly generous appraisal. Would you be lying to yourself? Sure, a little bit. But research shows that these types of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167297236003">positive illusions help the relationship</a> by decreasing conflict while increasing satisfaction, love and trust.</p> <p>Holding overly optimistic views of your partner convinces you of their value, which reflects well on you – you’re the one who has such a great partner, after all. Your rose-coloured opinions also make your partner feel good and give them a good reputation to live up to. They won’t want to let you down so they’ll try to fulfil your positive prophecy. All of which benefits your relationship.</p> <p>It’s time to stop being overly critical of your relationship. Instead find the knots, the parts of your relationship you’ve been taking for granted that will help you hold on. If you know where to look and what to appreciate, you may just realise there are a lot more reasons to happily hold onto your relationship than you thought.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/111152/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em>Written by <span>Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Professor of Psychology, Monmouth University</span>. Republished with permission of <span><a href="https://theconversation.com/your-relationship-may-be-better-than-you-think-find-the-knot-111152">The Conversation</a></span>.</em></p>

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The guide to regifting

<p>We all have that dilemma of unwanted gifts. Perhaps the item isn’t to your taste, or you simply have no use for it. When this happens, finding the present a new home instead of letting it gather dust in your home sounds sensible – but the idea of giving a gift that you received from somebody else can indeed feel wrong and inconsiderate.</p> <p>There are a few etiquette rules that you should consider when it comes to regifting. Here are some things to take into account before you upcycle your gifts.</p> <p><strong>Failsafes and no-gos</strong></p> <p>Some items are generally good to repurpose, while others should never be regifted. Wine, liquor, gift cards and generic gift baskets that are still in their packaging would be appropriate.</p> <p>On the other hand, stray away from regifting anything that is handmade (including food), sentimental, monogrammed or high-end – these gifts likely take a lot of time and effort on the part of the giver.</p> <p>Receiving expensive luxury gifts can feel quite uncomfortable, as it puts pressure on you to return the favour in some ways. However, instead of passing them on to somebody else, it would be more respectful to return it with a polite admission.</p> <p><strong>Basic principles</strong></p> <p>Regift outside of the circle who gave it to you to avoid hurt feelings and misunderstandings.</p> <p>Try to understand the intentions behind the present for a thoughtful regifting – for example, that succulent pot you got from a colleague might thrive better under the care of your plant-loving sister.</p> <p>If you receive something that is not in your size – clothes, shoes, jewellery – it might be a better idea to talk to the giver and see if the item could be exchanged.</p> <p>Take out all the evidence that the gift was once given to you – these include notes, cards and marked gift bags. Rewrap the gift as a courtesy, as well as to add a personal touch.</p> <p>In most situations, only brand-new items should be regifted. Anything broken, worn down or noticeably used are usually out of the question. Some items – such as rare books or historical heirlooms – could pass an exception, depending on the intended receiver, but always err on caution’s side when in doubt.</p> <p>When you’re caught recycling a gift, simply be honest and reiterate how the item can benefit another person more.</p> <p>Have you ever regifted a present? Let us know in the comments.</p>

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Prince Philip’s life-changing promise to the Queen

<p><span>When a 13-year-old Princess Elizabeth crossed paths with Philip Mountbatten she knew immediately that he was the one she was going to marry. Then, fast forward to 1947, the pair tied the knot with the entire nation listening in via radio.</span></p> <p><span>Marriage is about compromise and sacrifice, and as Prince Philip prepared for his new royal lifestyle, there was one thing he gave up for his wife – smoking cigarettes.</span></p> <p><span>Royal author and historian Sally Bedell Smith revealed that the Prince made the decision on the day of their wedding and is a promise he has kept till this day.</span></p> <p><span>“The morning of the wedding, Philip gave up smoking, a habit that had kept his valet, John Dean, ‘busy refilling the cigarette boxes’,” wrote Bedell Smith.</span></p> <p><span>“But Philip knew how anguished Elizabeth was by her father’s addiction to cigarettes, so he stopped, according to Dean, ‘suddenly and apparently without difficulty’."</span></p> <p><span>The now 97-year-old most likely has the ditching of the bad habit to thank for his long life. Similar to his grandfather, Prince Harry also reportedly gave up his habit of smoking before marrying the Duchess of Sussex.</span></p> <p><span>However, despite the royals slowly freeing themselves from the life-threatening addiction, the Queen’s sister, Princess Margaret was a lifelong smoker. </span></p> <p><span>Excessive smoking would ultimately take her life in 2002, as she would suffer from cardiac complications.</span></p> <p><span>The Queen has never been a smoker, with former staff members revealing that the practice did not hold her interest. Speaking to the BBC in 2016, the Queen’s former press secretary Dickie Arbiter said: “People smoked a lot more when the Queen was younger.”</span></p> <p><span>“Both her father and her sister smoked, but it never attracted her. It was something that just didn’t appeal.”</span></p> <p><span>Scroll through the gallery above to see Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip over the years.</span></p>

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“This is the ugliest cake I’ve seen”: Bride-to-be slams celebrity baker

<p>A bride-to-be has slammed a celebrity baker for creating “the ugliest cake” she has ever seen.</p> <p>New Zealand baker Jordan Rondel, also known as ‘The Caker’, might have achieved success with multiple cookbooks, brand partnerships and celebrity fans such as Lorde. However, she is still not immune to customer criticism.</p> <p>On Thursday, New Zealand baker Jordan Rondel shared an email from a customer who had asked to be refunded for her cake order.</p> <p>“I don’t know how I’ve paid for the simplest cake with minimal decorations and paid the amount I have just because it’s “the Caker”,” the unnamed customer wrote.</p> <p>“This is the ugliest cake I’ve seen. I want a full refund.”</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/BuZ9llUjZVA/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_medium=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="margin: 8px 0 0 0; padding: 0 4px;"><a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BuZ9llUjZVA/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_medium=loading" target="_blank">Apparently this is the ugliest cake this customer has ever seen, so ugly it won’t be served at the wedding tomorrow 🤔 We had no other option than to refund them in full. I personally loved the look of this cake, which we felt fitted what the customer asked for, and ultimately we would never send out something we weren’t happy with...so I’m completely shook. Anyone else running a business who puts in their best efforts and ends up losing out? 🤯 #thecaker #cake</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/thecaker/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_medium=loading" target="_blank"> Jordan Rondel, The Caker</a> (@thecaker) on Feb 27, 2019 at 4:39pm PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Rondel, who also included a picture of the cake on the Instagram post, wrote: “Apparently this is the ugliest cake this customer has ever seen, so ugly it won’t be served at the wedding tomorrow.”</p> <p>She said as there was “no other option”, the customer was refunded in full.</p> <p>“I personally loved the look of this cake, which we felt fitted what the customer asked for, and ultimately we would never send out something we weren’t happy with... so I’m completely shook. Anyone else running a business who puts in their best efforts and ends up losing out?”</p> <p>The comments section was filled with expressions of support for Rondel.</p> <p>“I think it’s absolutely beautiful! People can be so harsh sometimes,” one wrote.</p> <p>Another added, “Your cake is lovely, minimalist and elegant. Refund the money and put it in the back of your mind – I’m so sorry this has happened to you!”</p> <p>Some people could understand the customer’s disappointment with the wedding cake, but still blasted her demand for a refund.</p> <p>“It's lovely!” one commented. “Would I have it as a wedding cake? Personally, no. But it's certainly an occasion cake. Clearly the bride was after a freebie.”</p> <p>“It's not my style but certainly still a pretty cake,” another chimed in. “Be interesting to know her brief to you, and the price she paid, as this may have a lot to do with her reaction... Not to excuse her approach though, which was downright rude!”</p> <p>What do you think of the wedding cake? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.</p>

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Age gap love: The 25-year-old woman who is in love with a 62-year-old man

<p>A mother of two has fallen in love again. After being burned by her last relationship, Laura Wright, 25, wasn’t looking for love until she boarded a bus in Plymouth, southwest England.</p> <p>It was here she met Steve Churchward, 62, as she was travelling with her six-year-old son, Brayden.</p> <p>She was taking her son to kindergarten when she struck up a conversation with Steve in 2015.</p> <p>Steve was a bus driver for Plymouth, and it was coincidentally the bus that Wright had hopped onto. He asked for her name and then sent her a friend request on Facebook.</p> <p><iframe src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fphoto.php%3Ffbid%3D10216924835783521%26set%3Da.1518115363212%26type%3D3&amp;width=500" width="500" height="502" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true" allow="encrypted-media"></iframe></p> <p>A month later, the pair admitted to having feelings for each other.</p> <p>They moved in together in November 2015 and the pair were engaged in December 2017.</p> <p>There are plans to marry this year.</p> <p>According to Laura, they’ve never noticed the 37-year age gap.</p> <p>“Steve’s age has never bothered us in the slightest, and it’s not something I notice,” she said.</p> <p>“I feel so lucky to have him by my side. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted.”</p> <p>Although it sounds sweet now, it wasn’t all roses at the beginning.</p> <p>“He was bald and wrinkly with a beer belly. He wasn’t my usual type, and I didn’t find him attractive at first,” she said.</p> <p>Despite the age gap, Laura maintains she can’t keep up with Steve, saying their sex life is “certainly busy”.</p> <p>“That’s despite the age gap,” she laughs.</p> <p>“And you’d never know Steve is in his 60s, I can’t keep up with him.”</p> <p>The relationship blossomed, although there were bumps with family members.</p> <p>“I discovered Steve was then 59 and had three children who were more than five years older than I was,” Laura said.</p> <p>“My dad is 10 years younger than Steve, so I worried they’d be upset,</p> <p>“But when I told them I loved him they were happy for us, and when they finally met Steve, they loved him too.”</p> <p>Steve is a loving father to Laura’s two children.</p> <p>“Steve would cook dinner for me and the kids or get them ready for school,” she said.</p> <p>“He treated them like his own children. Braydon even calls Steve ‘Daddy’.”</p> <p>With the wedding planned for June this year, Laura can’t wait.</p> <p>“It was the biggest shock. Now we’re planning our wedding day, and I can’t wait for us to be a proper family."</p> <p><iframe src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fphoto.php%3Ffbid%3D538898689806765%26set%3Dp.538898689806765%26type%3D3&amp;width=500" width="500" height="285" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true" allow="encrypted-media"></iframe></p> <p>What do you think about age gap romances? Is there a big age gap between you and your partner? Tell us in the comments below. </p>

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Terri Irwin reveals the split-second decision that changed her life forever

<p>Terri Irwin and Steve Irwin’s relationship was something special. The bond the two shared with one another wasn’t only visible to those who adored the pair, but also to Terri herself.</p> <p>Which is why, in the 12 years since Steve’s death, she hasn’t dated anyone else.</p> <p>“I think it’s wonderful when people who have lost someone find love again, but I’m not personally looking, and I haven’t been on a date in 27 years,” said the mother-of-two to <em><a rel="noopener" href="https://people.com/tv/terri-irwin-hasnt-dated-since-steve/" target="_blank">People</a> </em>magazine.</p> <p>“In fact, it’s been so long, I’ve had a couple of lovely women ask me out because they figured that’s the case. But I’m content. I have two beautiful kids, a really full plate.</p> <p>“I’ve already had my happily ever after.”</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/BnSUqc8nh32/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_medium=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="margin: 8px 0 0 0; padding: 0 4px;"><a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BnSUqc8nh32/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_medium=loading" target="_blank">Together Forever ❤️</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/bindisueirwin/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_medium=loading" target="_blank"> Bindi Irwin</a> (@bindisueirwin) on Sep 3, 2018 at 6:47pm PDT</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Terri and Steve had a whirlwind romance, with the two meeting by chance in 1991 when she was visiting the Great Barrier Reef from Oregon in the US.</p> <p>Talking to comedian Anh Do on his show <em>Brush With Fame</em>, Terry recalled the moment her and Steve crossed paths.</p> <p>27-year-old Terri was passing a “tiny” wildlife park at the time.</p> <p>“My friend said to me, ‘Do you want to go in?’” said the 54-year-old.</p> <p>Terri, who was working as a veterinarian technician and was helping rehabilitate cougars was going to keep walking, but a voice inside her head changed her mind.</p> <p>“I said, 'It looks kind of crummy. There’ll probably be just a couple of snakes in jars and I’ll be depressed.’ And then I went, ‘No! I’ll go in. Let’s go in.’”</p> <p>That was when she laid eyes on a young Aussie man who was presenting a show on crocodiles.</p> <p>“It was small but everything was immaculately clean. And everything was free-ranging, like the kangaroos are just hopping around and it was beautiful!</p> <p>“They were doing a crocodile show and this guy was in with these crocodiles and he was talking about them in ways that I never really thought of crocodiles,” said Terri.</p> <p>Today, that small park has grown, and is now famously known as Australia Zoo.</p> <p>“The fact that he was so humble and loving towards these animals was so attractive to me and he looked like a rock in those shorts, too … so I may have noticed that,” she said.</p> <p>But despite Terri not looking for love, it was a classic case of love finding her because there was an instant connection between the pair.</p> <p>“All afternoon we just talked! I was trying to figure out how to say, ‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ and then all of a sudden like he’d read my mind, he said, ‘Would you like to meet my girlfriend?’</p> <p>“I felt myself sinking into the earth and so he called out and he said, ‘Hey Sue! Come here!’ and here comes this little dog and he goes, ‘This is me girlfriend, Suey.’”</p> <p>“I thought, ‘OK! You’re perfect!’”</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet tw-align-center" data-lang="en-gb"> <p dir="ltr">Today would have been our 25th wedding anniversary. I miss you so very much, and I am grateful every day for the time we had together. <a href="https://t.co/Ztzoclhvyt">pic.twitter.com/Ztzoclhvyt</a></p> — Terri Irwin (@TerriIrwin) <a href="https://twitter.com/TerriIrwin/status/871494697004417024?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">4 June 2017</a></blockquote> <p>Eight months later, they tied the knot, in June 1992.</p> <p>Then six years later, their first daughter Bindi Irwin was born, followed by Robert Irwin in 2003.</p> <p>During an emotional moment, Terri said she missed her husband everyday since his passing.</p> <p>“I always felt with Steve, if I didn’t marry Steve, I wouldn’t have gotten married. I wasn’t dating, I wasn’t even looking. I was 27 years old and thought my life would be work. Then I met Steve and fell in love.</p> <p>“I just feel that we had that soulmate thing.</p> <p>“In the [12] years since, I haven’t dated and thought about it because I’m not afraid to be on my own, it’s just really hard not having Steve … I’m lonely for Steve if that makes sense?”</p> <p>Terri and her children have kept Steve’s dream of promoting wildlife conservation at Australia Zoo alive.</p>

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Online dating for seniors: Tips from a professional matchmaker

<p>More and more Australians are looking to find love on the Internet – and it's easy to understand why, with the plethora of dating services available on the market today and the convenience they offer of finding potential new partners in the comfort of your home.</p> <p>However, this doesn't change the daunting nature of dating. Filtering through numerous profiles, creating first impressions and navigating conversations could be quite overwhelming, especially for those looking for romance later in life.</p> <p>Holly Bartter knows this struggle all too well. Bartter, who founded the online dating service <span><a href="https://www.matchsmith.com/">Matchsmith</a></span>, specialises in dating ‘outsourcing’ where she manages clients’ dating profiles, from bio makeovers to matching and messaging the right candidates.</p> <p>Bartter started her business after finding out she had a knack for setting up her friends, family and colleagues on dates.</p> <p>Her clientele, mostly women, range across generations, including individuals over 60 seeking a suitable partner.</p> <p>Bartter said her older clients tend to have a better idea of what they are looking for in a partner.</p> <p>"My younger clients may have more insecurities about themselves and what kind of person they want to be with," she told <em>Over60</em>. "They are still getting to know who they are and perhaps haven't had a significant long-term relationship yet.</p> <p>"Individuals over 60 have real life experience and a sense of self and identity – they understand what is really meaningful to them in a relationship and what they want."</p> <p>However, this does not mean that seniors have no pitfalls in online dating. According to Bartter, low screen time could disrupt the momentum with potential love interests. “Often my clients won't be online much, with other things occupying their days, so they can miss opportunities to connect and reply – and a match can be lost!”</p> <p>Another risk was romance scam. Last year, nearly 4,000 Australians reported losing money to dating scammers, with people aged 45 to 64 being the most affected. "Seniors can also be too trusting online at times and should be wary of stock photos online in place of actual headshots," said Bartter.</p> <p>"Luckily online platforms like RSVP and eHarmony are really screening against this.</p> <p>"But the moral of the story always is that if someone refuses to share more photos, other details or won't meet for a coffee or call you, they may not be who they say they are!"</p> <p>Bartter has a few words of advice to share for a thriving online dating life. For a smooth-flowing conversation, she said three things are the key: consistency and personalisation.</p> <p>"Make the online conversation tailored to that person," advised Bartter. "Really review the profiles of your matches and find something you'd like to learn more about."</p> <p>She also suggested to keep the chat light. "Have fun and be light-hearted. There is time for more serious conversation over the phone, but online just focus on being friendly and learning about the personality of your match – are they respectful? Do they answer your questions? Are they replying regularly?" she said.</p> <p>While you may be excited to talk further with that promising person, "always send just one introductory message," Bartter said. "Never message more than once until they have replied."</p> <p>Bartter said while online dating is indeed a numbers' game, it should still be an enjoyable experience. "There is someone out there for everyone at all ages, but you have to be in it to win it," she said. "And dating should always be fun – if you're not having a good time, pause and revisit later, and never feel obligated to meet someone if you don't enjoy their conversation."</p> <p>Are you on any online dating apps or websites at the moment? Share your stories in the comments.</p>

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The sad reality of Prince Philip’s relationship with Prince Charles

<p>The father-son relationship that has existed between Prince Philip and his first-born, Prince Charles, has always been strained, according to reports.</p> <p>Prince Charles once described his father as “hectoring” and “harsh” and while his father might agree – Prince Philip has his own reasons behind their indifferences.</p> <p>Their personalities are polar opposites and Prince Philip confirmed this, telling royal biographer Gyles Brandreth in 2016 that his son is a “romantic and I’m a pragmatist".</p> <p>“That means we do see things differently. And because I don’t see things a romantic would, I’m unfeeling.”</p> <p>Experts suggest the fractured relationship exists based on Prince Philip's absence in his son’s life at a young age.</p> <p>Charles was only four when his mother ascended the throne and because of what the role required – she and Prince Philip spent a lot of time away from their eldest child.</p> <p>Reports suggest the prince spent a lot of time with his grandmother, the Queen Mother, as Prince Philip was duly glued to the Queen’s side.</p> <p>In a documentary, <em>Prince Philip – A King Among Princes, </em>royal correspondent Robert Johnson remarks that Prince Charles was a “handicap” to his father as he didn’t have any “serious role models when growing up".</p> <p>“Maybe he always found Prince Charles slightly exasperating.</p> <p>“And the fact that he wasn’t able to make more of a go of his marriage to Princess Diana was at least as much his son's fault as his daughter-in-law’s.”</p> <p>Christopher Wilson, a royal biographer and journalist, claims a young and single Charles was desperate as pressure began to increase from his father to find a suitable partner. His now wife, Camilla Parker-Bowles, was married to another man, so the royal family urged him to move on.</p> <p>“Charles was a desperate man, there was huge downward pressure on him from Prince Philip, from the Queen and the whole court to sort out his life, to stop running around and try and find someone,” Wilson explained to the <a href="https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1033989/princess-diana-prince-charles-marriage-divorce-royal-family-news"><em>Express</em>.</a></p> <p>After meeting Diana at Petworth House while attending a party – their romance begin to blossom and reportedly the pair were urged to wed by Prince Charles' father or move on.</p> <p>The young prince however faced a tremendous amount of disappointment from his father, who expressed his concerns in a letter to Princess Diana.</p> <p>The letter read: “I can only repeat what I have said before. If invited I will always do my utmost to help you and Charles to the best of my ability, but I am quite ready to concede that I have no talent as a marriage counsellor. </p> <p>“We don’t approve of either of you having affairs. Charles was silly to risk everything for Camilla for a man of his position.”</p> <p>While Prince Charles and Prince Philip's relationship appears to be strong today, there is no doubt the father and son have faced trials. </p> <p>Scroll through the gallery above to see Prince Philip and Prince Charles together throughout the years. </p> <p> </p>

Relationships

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Who is Rupert Finch? The man Kate Middleton dated before Prince William

<div> <div class="replay"> <div class="reply_body body linkify"> <div class="reply_body"> <div class="body_text "> <p>Before dating Prince William back in her university dates, it has been revealed Kate dated someone else before William. </p> <p>His name was Rupert Finch.</p> <p>She met both men whilst she was studying at St Andrews University in 2001, which is when Finch was studying his final year of law. The pair dated for less than a year before she met Prince William and the rest is history as we know it.</p> <p>Prince William and Duchess Kate were friends for a year before deciding to date, as the duo lived doors apart in student accommodation at St Andrews.</p> <p>Don’t feel too bad for Finch though, he’s happily married to the Marquess of Reading’s daughter, Lady Natasha Rufus Isaacs. He’s also a solicitor.</p> <p><img style="width: 281.25px; height: 500px; display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" src="/media/7823864/rupert-finch.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/d2f34ab742784ea8b0093430802af6c9" /></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><em>Rupert Finch and Lady Natasha Rufus Isaacs</em></p> <p>When Duchess Kate and Prince William tied the knot in 2011, there was an invitation extended to Finch and his then-girlfriend Lady Natasha, but it’s unclear whether or not the duo attended the wedding according to the <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/kate-middleton/8441320/Kate-Middletons-wayward-uncle-will-go-to-reception-at-the-Palace-after-all.html" target="_blank"><em>UK Telegraph</em></a>.</p> <p>Lady Natasha Rufus Isaacs is the co-founder of luxury fashion brand Beulah London, which Duchess Kate is regularly seen wearing. The brand is a socially conscious brand that helps vulnerable women gain employment through the profits of their clothing.</p> <p>Rufus shared a photo of Duchess Kate wearing an olive-green midi-dress from the company, proving there’s no bad blood between the couples at all.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs8EsUcAAC3/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_medium=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs8EsUcAAC3/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_medium=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Nats Rufus Isaacs (@nrufusisaacs)</a> on Jan 22, 2019 at 5:33am PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Do you have any ex’s that you’re still friends with? Let us know in the comments.</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div>

Relationships

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The role Princess Diana played in Prince Andrew and Fergie’s romance

<p>In the summer of 1985, the start of a turbulent love affair between Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson began.</p> <p>As old family friends, they had fallen out of touch for years before reconnecting as adults while attending Royal Ascot.</p> <p>“He was utterly charmed by her, she was nothing the Royal Family has ever seen before,” 9Honey's royal columnist, Victoria Arbiter said.</p> <p>"Fergie was funny, and boisterous and brash and she approached life with such a zest for life and enthusiasm and that in the beginning was utterly charming but ultimately, that led to her downfall."</p> <p>It was Princess Diana though that re-introduced the two to each other by inviting her fourth cousin and very good friend, Fergie to the event.</p> <p>In what was a friendly chat where Prince Andrew refused to take no for an answer when she said no to chocolate profiteroles (she was on a diet, she claimed) turned into a rollercoaster relationship for the two.</p> <p>Just nine months later, the couple announced their engagement in 1986.</p> <p>"She and Prince Andrew fell in love very quickly," Victoria explains.</p> <p>The Prince was so enamoured by Fergie’s sparkling red hair that he chose a ring featuring 10 diamonds around a Burmese ruby which complimented her locks perfectly.</p> <p>In an official engagement interview, the besotted Fergie pointed to Princess Diana in pulling the two lovebirds together and navigating her marriage into the Royal Family.</p> <p>"The Princess of Wales and I are extremely good friends and we naturally talk about lots of different subjects," she said, adding: "We're very, very good friends."</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="/media/7823673/gettyimages-1041846330.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/b6cb9ae25d264670bba2962db39b3c93" /></p> <p>After they wed at Westminster Abbey, the two became Duke and Duchess of York.</p> <p>They welcomed two beautiful daughters, Princess Beatrice in 1988 and Princess Eugenie in 1990.</p> <p>However just two years after the birth of the youngest princess, Eugenie – the couple announced their heartbreaking divorce.</p> <p>The legal separation of the two was announced in March 1992, and the divorce was finalised in 1996 – following this, Princess Diana and Prince Charles divorce was finalised also.</p> <p>Rumours continue to circulate the Duke and Duchess of York about getting back together as a couple because they remain close friends and still live in the same home.</p> <p>Do you think Fergie and Prince Andrew will get back together romantically? Let us know in the comments below.</p>

Relationships

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13 normal fights even happy couples have

<p>Every couple fights and the ones who don't fess up to it are lying. Here’s how to stop getting stuck in the same old arguments.</p> <div class="views-field views-field-field-slides"> <div class="field-content"> <div class="field-collection-view clearfix view-mode-full field-collection-view-final"> <div class="entity entity-field-collection-item field-collection-item-field-slides clearfix"> <div class="content"> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-title field-type-text field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"><strong>1. "We never have sex anymore!"</strong></div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-content field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"> <p>It's a myth that well-matched couples have equally well-matched libidos, says Kimberly Hershenson, LCSW and couples therapist.</p> <p>And even if you were in sync the day you got married, kids, stress, illness, and other life events have a way of changing things.</p> <p>This means it's inevitable you'll have disagreements about sex.</p> <p>"There are other ways to feel connected if sex isn't happening as frequently as someone would like," she says.</p> <p>"Physical intimacy is obviously important in a marriage but many of my clients don’t realise the importance of having an emotional connection to their partner first."</p> <p>Once you are working as a team, you can troubleshoot bedroom strategies together.</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="views-field views-field-field-slides"> <div class="field-content"> <div class="field-collection-view clearfix view-mode-full field-collection-view-final"> <div class="entity entity-field-collection-item field-collection-item-field-slides clearfix"> <div class="content"> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-title field-type-text field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"><strong>2. "Why did you like all your ex’s pictures on Facebook?!"</strong></div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-content field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"> <p>Modern technology has lead to some uniquely modern relationship fights, especially when it comes to social media.</p> <p>"These days we see a lot of 'cyber-straying' which means sneakily looking up and even reconnecting with old flames, despite being with someone else," says Wendy L. Patrick, JD, PhD, behavioral expert and author of <em>Red Flags</em>.</p> <p>Then, when the partner inevitably finds out, they feel hurt and betrayed, she adds. The fix to this fight? Squelch that curiosity.</p> <p>"Curiosity compromises trust and secrets are relationship saboteurs," she says. "Ex-relationships are in the past for a reason."</p> <p>If you do want to maintain a connection with an ex, make sure your partner is in on all communications. </p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="views-field views-field-field-slides"> <div class="field-content"> <div class="field-collection-view clearfix view-mode-full field-collection-view-final"> <div class="entity entity-field-collection-item field-collection-item-field-slides clearfix"> <div class="content"> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-title field-type-text field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"><strong>3. "You love your phone more than you love me!"</strong></div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-content field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"> <p>Smartphones and tablets are awesome but they are also a huge distraction, ready to interrupt your precious time with your partner at any second, Patrick says.</p> <p>Think checking a text or answering a quick email is not a big deal? Imagine if it was an actual person grabbing your attention every time a notification goes off. They'd quickly be the most annoying person in the room, right? So it's understandable how phones can become a major source of fights, she says.</p> <p>The solution is simple: Put away your phones and decide on tech rules you can both follow.</p> <p>"The impersonal nature of this communication often builds barriers, not bridges," she explains.</p> <p>"Remember, your partner is your lifeline. Uplifting, encouraging conversations infused with real emotion will revitalise your relationship in a way that no amount of emoticons could ever do."<a rel="noopener" href="http://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/thought-provoking/10-mobile-phone-etiquette-rules-you-should-be-following-but-arent" target="_blank" title="" data-original-title=""></a></p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="views-field views-field-field-slides"> <div class="field-content"> <div class="field-collection-view clearfix view-mode-full field-collection-view-final"> <div class="entity entity-field-collection-item field-collection-item-field-slides clearfix"> <div class="content"> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-title field-type-text field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"><strong>4. "Why am I the only one who does dishes around here?!"</strong></div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-content field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"> <p>Couples have been fighting over chores, well, since chores were invented. This is because it's not really about who washes dishes or vacuums more, it's really about feeling like things are fair, says Fran Walfish, PhD., a relationship psychotherapist, author, and consultant on <em>The Doctors</em> TV show.</p> <p>"What you need to realise is there is no such thing as a 50-50 split of responsibility in a great marriage. There will be times each of you will have to give 100 percent," she explains.</p> <p>"Great couples learn to sacrifice willingly for one another without expecting something in return." Easier said than done, right?</p> <p>"Cultivate this mentality by finding little ways to serve your spouse every day," she adds.<a rel="noopener" href="http://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/how-put-honeymoon-level-excitement-back-your-marriage" target="_blank" title="" data-original-title=""></a></p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="views-field views-field-field-slides"> <div class="field-content"> <div class="field-collection-view clearfix view-mode-full field-collection-view-final"> <div class="entity entity-field-collection-item field-collection-item-field-slides clearfix"> <div class="content"> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-title field-type-text field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"><strong>5. "Stop humming, it makes me want to rip my ears off!"</strong></div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-content field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"> <p>Call it the lesson of your freshman college roommate: Live with someone long enough and you will find something about them that drives you absolutely insane.</p> <p>In long-term relationships, those little annoyances can fester into full-on warfare, especially if you use these quirks to intentionally trigger each other.</p> <p>"This is totally normal, even with the people we love the most," Walfish says.</p> <p>"Instead of creating a mental list of all the things your partner does that annoy you, try and put them in perspective and make a list of all the things they do well. Then extend grace for minor annoyances, knowing that your partner likely does the same for you."</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="views-field views-field-field-slides"> <div class="field-content"> <div class="field-collection-view clearfix view-mode-full field-collection-view-final"> <div class="entity entity-field-collection-item field-collection-item-field-slides clearfix"> <div class="content"> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-title field-type-text field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"><strong>6. "Aren't you using the note system I created?"</strong></div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-content field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"> <p>Just like your partner has little habits that drive you nuts, they also likely have aspects of their personality that you wish were different.</p> <p>In the beginning of your relationship, it's easy to brush them off as cute quirks with the expectation you can change your partner later… and this is how you start a never-ending fight, says Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, a licensed therapist and founder of Relationup.</p> <p>"You complain and even overtly show your disdain, hoping that this will get your partner to change, however it only makes the problem worse," she explains.</p> <p>"Instead, learn how to accept and even find ways to appreciate the idiosyncrasies in your beloved."</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="views-field views-field-field-slides"> <div class="field-content"> <div class="field-collection-view clearfix view-mode-full field-collection-view-final"> <div class="entity entity-field-collection-item field-collection-item-field-slides clearfix"> <div class="content"> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-title field-type-text field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"><strong>7. "Why don't you just divorce me if you’re this unhappy?"</strong></div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-content field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"> <p>Fighting over someone’s motives for staying in the relationship and even dropping the "D" word is surprisingly common, even in happy marriages, says Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, licensed clinical professional counsellor and co-founder of The Marriage Restoration Project.</p> <p>The problem with this argument isn't that you're fighting, it's that you automatically assume that fighting means divorce.</p> <p>"The truth is that all couples argue," he says. "Instead of wondering if you made the wrong choice, remember all the reasons you thought this person was the right choice - you will find that you’ve picked someone who will uniquely challenge you but will also help you achieve ultimate personal growth and healing." </p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="views-field views-field-field-slides"> <div class="field-content"> <div class="field-collection-view clearfix view-mode-full field-collection-view-final"> <div class="entity entity-field-collection-item field-collection-item-field-slides clearfix"> <div class="content"> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-title field-type-text field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"><strong>8. "I feel like you don’t even know me anymore!"</strong></div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-content field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"> <p>Just because two people are in a stable relationship doesn't mean they stop growing and changing - but it can be all too easy for couples to miss these milestones when they’re focused on kids, work, and all the other minutiae of daily life.</p> <p>This can lead to some very frustrating (but very normal) blowups, says Lesli Doares, couples' consultant and coach, author and host of <em>Happily Ever After is Just the Beginning</em>.</p> <p>"When we first meet and get married, there is a lot of conversation and sharing about who we each are but as the years go by, we think we know each other and continue to act as if neither has changed," she says.</p> <p>"The way to fix this fight is to keep asking each other questions and don't assume you know the answers."</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="views-field views-field-field-slides"> <div class="field-content"> <div class="field-collection-view clearfix view-mode-full field-collection-view-final"> <div class="entity entity-field-collection-item field-collection-item-field-slides clearfix"> <div class="content"> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-title field-type-text field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"><strong>9. "I picked up the kids five days this week, you owe me!"</strong></div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-content field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"> <p>Humans have an innate desire for equality and fairness so if you feel like you're consistently getting the short end of the stick, it can lead to major resentment and spark a serious argument.</p> <p>But scorecards are for golf, not relationships, so stop tallying up everything you do and comparing it to your spouse, Doares says.</p> <p>"If one of you isn't happy with the way things are going, the relationship cannot be happy and the way to stop this argument is to make decisions together," she says.</p> <p>"Learning how to reach an agreement that you both can support and implement is critical."</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="views-field views-field-field-slides"> <div class="field-content"> <div class="field-collection-view clearfix view-mode-full field-collection-view-final"> <div class="entity entity-field-collection-item field-collection-item-field-slides clearfix"> <div class="content"> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-title field-type-text field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"><strong>10. "You take me for granted!"</strong></div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-content field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"> <p>Is there any worse feeling than feeling like the (unpaid) maid, chauffeur, mechanic, nanny, or chef? Being taken for granted is a major - and understandable - source of fights between couples, says Allen W. Barton, PhD, a research scientist at the University of Georgia’s Centre for Family Research and founder of LiveYourVows.</p> <p>Thankfully the solution is as simple as these two little words: Thank you.</p> <p>"It’s such a simple thing that it often gets overlooked but expressing appreciation to your partner for things they have done for the relationship and family is key to stopping contention," he says.</p> <p>"Make it a practice to thank your spouse every day for something."</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="views-field views-field-field-slides"> <div class="field-content"> <div class="field-collection-view clearfix view-mode-full field-collection-view-final"> <div class="entity entity-field-collection-item field-collection-item-field-slides clearfix"> <div class="content"> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-title field-type-text field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"><strong>11. "Are you hiding something?"</strong></div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-content field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"> <p>The short answer to this question is usually "yes".</p> <p>It’s not because we necessarily want to lie to our partners or that we’re inherently dishonest but rather that we think telling little white lies, or withholding the truth, will prevent a huge fight.</p> <p>Unfortunately, people can often tell when you're being less than truthful and the fight soon becomes about that.</p> <p>"Based on my research we’ve found that many people tell white lies to their partner and while the majority of people say that white lies are not okay they still find excuses to say them," says Jason B. Whiting, Ph.D, LMFT, professor of marriage and family therapy at Texas Tech University and author of <em>Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive in Relationships</em>. </p> <p>The antidote? Honesty.</p> <p>"Telling the truth, even if it's hard in the moment, will strengthen trust and make you closer in the long run," he says.</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="views-field views-field-field-slides"> <div class="field-content"> <div class="field-collection-view clearfix view-mode-full field-collection-view-final"> <div class="entity entity-field-collection-item field-collection-item-field-slides clearfix"> <div class="content"> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-title field-type-text field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"><strong>12. The silent treatment</strong></div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-content field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"> <p>The silent treatment - rare is the couple that hasn't had this fight-pretending-not-to-be-a-fight. But even though you're not yelling at each other, or even saying a harsh word, this fight can be just as damaging.</p> <p>This is because the silent treatment allows resentments to build and fester, says Erika Boissiere, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of The Relationship Institute of San Francisco. </p> <p>"Silence is a wedge that will drive more distance between you the longer it goes on," she says.</p> <p>"If you need something from your partner, you must request it. Your partner cannot mind-read your unspoken expectations. It is your job to ask for what you need in a kind, compassionate way."</p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="views-field views-field-field-slides"> <div class="field-content"> <div class="field-collection-view clearfix view-mode-full field-collection-view-final"> <div class="entity entity-field-collection-item field-collection-item-field-slides clearfix"> <div class="content"> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-title field-type-text field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"><strong>13. "Stop throwing the past in my face!"</strong></div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-name-field-slide-content field-type-text-long field-label-hidden"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item even"> <p>It’s normal to look for patterns in behaviour, it can help you learn what to expect from others, yet constantly bringing up past mistakes is a sore spot for many couples.</p> <p>How do you decide when to forgive and forget and when it's important to remember?</p> <p>"You can't expect that when one person does something reckless, threatening, or destructive that their partner will just get over it," says Wendy Brown, clinical member of the Ontario Society of Psychotherapists and author of Why Love Succeeds.</p> <p>"Their worries, trauma, and concerns must be addressed before you can move on."</p> <p>This doesn't mean that this fight has to be an endless round robin of accusation, hurt, apology, and resentment though.</p> <p>"You need to look for ways to openly discuss the past in a calm way—a therapist can be an impartial third party to help you do this," she says.</p> <p><em>Written by <span>Charlotte Hilton Andersen</span>. This article first appeared in </em><span><em><a href="http://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/drama/13-normal-fights-even-happy-couples-have">Reader’s Digest</a></em></span><em>. For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, </em><span><em><a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=articles&amp;utm_campaign=RDSUB&amp;keycode=WRA87V">here’s our best subscription offer.</a></em></span></p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p><img style="width: 100px !important; height: 100px !important;" src="/media/7820640/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f30947086c8e47b89cb076eb5bb9b3e2" /></p>

Relationships