Placeholder Content Image

How to tell if your partner is stealing from you

<p>Financial infidelity can take many forms and it can be devastating to a relationship. From secretive purchases to hiding debts, dishonesty about income to secret investments, it can cause significant harm to both partners. If you want to avoid becoming victims of financial infidelity, it is important to communicate openly and honestly about your finances. </p> <p>Taking responsibility for your financial health is good for your wellbeing. Whether it’s being pro-active in the face of financial infidelity or recovering the damages, being aware of the common forms and red flags can help you build strategies to move forward. Here is what you need to know.</p> <p><strong>Common financial ‘secrets’ </strong></p> <p>Money lies take several forms and they all involve secrecy, for example, buying items without informing your partner, gambling or other expenses that are unaccounted for, frivolous spending on unnecessary items, not disclosing debts or loans, and lying about how much money you make or your financial situation.</p> <p>Then there are the secret bank accounts and investing money without your partner's knowledge. Your partner may be harbouring one or many of these common financial secrets, so knowing the red flags will help you bring the dishonesty to the surface.</p> <p><strong>Signs of financial infidelity</strong></p> <p>It is important to keep an eye out for signs of financial infidelity. The red flags that will call out secretive behaviour include new credit card statements or bank accounts that you know nothing about, new items appearing in your house that you didn't buy, packages not addressed to you, new passwords on financial accounts and an unwillingness to discuss money matters.</p> <p>Your partner's behaviour is also a warning. Pay close attention to reactions that don’t seem authentic and displays of paranoia about you opening the mail – especially the bank and credit card statements.</p> <p><strong>Moving beyond financial infidelity</strong></p> <p>If you suspect your partner is guilty of financial infidelity, there are simple steps to help you both move forward. First, you will need your partner to come clean. Ask, listen, and be supportive. They may be feeling embarrassed or ashamed, and fearing judgement.</p> <p>Next, get help. Consider a professional. This could be both financial and personal – by planning a way forward together, you can re-affirm your views about money and trust in your relationship. Financial infidelity can destroy trust in your partner, so you both must be willing to work towards healing the hurt and reducing the risk of future money sins.</p> <p><strong>Make money a talking point</strong></p> <p>When it comes to financial matters, maintaining honesty and trust in your relationship can be challenging. To be on the front foot, try talking about money regularly. Normalise it. For example, talk about your bank balance, who is paying what bills, what you’d like to buy and how you plan to buy it, your savings plans, how your superfund is performing.</p> <p>Set up these conversations in advance and use them as a time to check in on your money goals. You must both feel empowered to ask money questions, so the more you make money conversations the norm, the better.</p> <p><strong>Create a personal finance village </strong></p> <p>Try adding someone to your personal finance village. Consider working with an accountant or financial advisor who can independently help you and your partner to plan open discussions in a safe manner to address your financial issues. Ask their advice on enabling ‘safe’ confessions like having a no-judgement rule for raising money sins.</p> <p>Allow yourselves the opportunity to come clean on spending and work out how best to address this going forward. This offers you the freedom of being on the same page financially and working towards the same financial goals.</p> <p>Finding yourself in a situation involving financial infidelity can be utterly devastating. Of course, the best way of addressing any kind of money cheating is to know the red flags and avoid it altogether.</p> <p>However, as this is not always the case, consider getting professional advice on working towards common financial goals so you can move forward in a positive way. Remember, communication and honesty are key to a healthy and successful financial relationship. </p> <p><strong><em>Jacqui Clarke FCA, FTI, GAICD, JP, author of Stop Worrying About Money (Wiley, $29.95), is a trusted advisor, board member, executor and veteran business executive. As a personal wealth and money management expert and over three decades of experience , 25 years at Deloitte and PWC helping high-net-worth families, individuals and business owners to build, manage and preserve their wealth. Her message is simple: with careful planning and effort, you can manage your money, so it doesn’t manage you. <a href="https://www.jacquiclarke.me/">https://www.jacquiclarke.me/</a></em></strong></p> <p><em><span style="background-color: #ffffff;">Image credits: Getty </span>Images </em></p>

Money & Banking

Placeholder Content Image

Review: A Routine Infidelity

<p dir="ltr">Established screenwriter Elizabeth Coleman has quite the resume behind her - from contributing to every season of <em>Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries</em> and <em>Miss Fisher’s Modern Murder Mysteries </em>to penning four published plays, she’s tried it all. And now, she has added ‘author of “a delightfully sharp and clever murder mystery”’ to the mix. </p> <p dir="ltr"><em>A Routine Infidelity </em>marks Coleman’s entry into the cosy crime genre, and sees protagonist Edwina ‘Ted’ Bristol - a private investigator based in Melbourne - spending her days hunting down “cheating husbands and missing chihuahuas”, dreaming of something more exciting. </p> <p dir="ltr">Her wish comes true when her sister, Bob, falls victim to a catfisher. With her trusty sidekick Miss Marple - a miniature schnauzer and star of the show - in tow, Ted sets out to get to the bottom of Bob’s trouble. Nothing is ever quite so simple though, especially not for Ted, who soon must find a way to juggle the scam, a case worth millions, and the heavy weight of her past. </p> <p dir="ltr">With twists and turns abound, and characters bursting with life, Coleman’s novel will keep readers turning the pages to see what transpires next. Although a heavy family plot carries throughout the novel - a secret hangs over Ted, one she’d prefer to avoid - there are plenty of moments for a chuckle out loud, like when Ted wants very much to hit someone she’s not best pleased with, “but not as much as she wanted to avoid a negative Google review.” </p> <p dir="ltr">There are multiple plots that take place over the course of the book, and there are points where the story might have benefitted from focussing more on one, to help build reader investment beyond interest in what it meant for the characters. </p> <p dir="ltr">There are also a few instances where the book feels as though it needs to get as much information out as possible, and errs on the side of ‘telling’ where it should be ‘showing’ to achieve this. However, as this is only the first in a series of books, it’s likely that there’s much more to be seen after the initial setup, and any remaining questions are simply yet to be answered. </p> <p dir="ltr">The relationships between Coleman’s characters are what make the book. Ted and her sister Bob - who is, by all accounts, the nicest person in Coleman’s Melbourne - are thick as thieves, though their roles don’t necessarily align with what is typically expected of two sisters. Ted would do anything for Bob, and by the end of the novel, so would many readers. </p> <p dir="ltr">Ted’s ‘connection’ with local neighbourhood medium Chantel is a point of both frustration and amusement throughout - Ted initially wants nothing to do with her, but when Chantel has a premonition with the potential to change Ted’s entire life, she’s forced to reevaluate her feelings. </p> <p dir="ltr">And most importantly, Ted’s bond with her beloved canine companion, Miss Marple, is nothing short of a highlight. Miss Marple’s ‘I-don’t-have-time-for-this’ attitude is something pet owners all across the world can relate to, but in a perfect demonstration of a dog’s love, she is always there when Ted needs her most - even if she isn’t quite so willing to offer that sought-after cuddle. </p> <p dir="ltr">And so, as publisher Pantera Press have said, “if you love the madcap adventures of Phryne Fisher, you’re sure to love Ted Bristol, written by Elizabeth Coleman, screenwriter for <em>Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries</em>”. </p> <p dir="ltr">Overall rating: 3.5/5</p> <p dir="ltr">Find your copy here, and at all good local booksellers: </p> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/Routine-Infidelity-Elizabeth-Coleman/dp/064547679X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=1678940919&amp;sr=8-1">Amazon</a> (Kindle: $11.50, paperback: $19.99)</p> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.booktopia.com.au/a-routine-infidelity-elizabeth-coleman/book/9780645476798.html">Booktopia </a>(Paperback: $24.90)</p> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.qbd.com.au/a-routine-infidelity/elizabeth-coleman/9780645476798/">QBD Books</a> (Paperback: $19.99)</p> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.dymocks.com.au/book/a-routine-infidelity-by-elizabeth-coleman-9780645476798">Dymocks</a> (Paperback: $24.99)</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: OverSixty</em></p>

Books

Placeholder Content Image

Cruise ship workers reveal the “evil” lurking on board

<p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cruise ships host millions of people each year and thousands on a single vessel. While it is a holiday filled with relaxation, comfort and ease - there are a variety of different personalities that make their way onboard, and cruise staff must cater to each of these cruisers needs. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">While it can be an enjoyable experience to make sure guests are satisfied, one former senior cruise ship officer Jay Herring told </span><a href="https://www.express.co.uk/travel/cruise/1132937/cruise-2019-cruises-ship-social-evil-cheating-infidelity-crew-passengers"><span style="font-weight: 400;">express.co.uk</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> there is a clear “social evil”permeating through the cruises. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In his book, </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Truth About Cruise Ships, </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">the former Carnival Cruise Lines employee said some experiences left a sour taste in his mouth, especially amongst passengers. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“For me, there was social evil on board the ship.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I’m speaking, of course, about rampant infidelity.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“On land, I am probably surrounded by more unfaithful people than I realise.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Jay also noted his wife, who worked abroad casinos on the same ship, saw “multiple affairs in progress every day.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“It bothered me not just because I witnessed it, or it existed, what bothered me was that it was so commonplace and so frequent that its came to be considered normal behaviour,” she said. </span></p>

Cruising

Placeholder Content Image

Robin Williams’ first wife opens up about the actor’s infidelity

<p>Robin Williams’ first wife Valerie Velardi has revealed she knew and allowed the late comedian’s infidelity during their marriage.</p> <p>In a new HBO documentary about Williams’ life and work <em>Robin Williams: Come Inside My Mind</em>, Velardi, who was married to Williams from 1978 to 1988, said: “He loved women. Absolutely loved women. And I got it.”</p> <p>She added: “I understood and I wanted him to have that, but I also wanted him to come home.”</p> <p>Velardi said she first met Williams at a bar in San Francisco in 1976 when he was not yet famous. He asked her for a ride home that night.</p> <p>“He was speaking French and I was teasing him and we had a kiss and I just knew I was going to see him again,” she said.</p> <p>“He was always looking for a connection or another character or an accent.</p> <p>“He was shameless. He would just do it.”</p> <p class="embed-responsive embed-responsive-16by9"><iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/caIFNg_JRL4" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p> <p>The couple had one son together, Zachary ‘Zack’ Pym, before their marriage ended in 1988.</p> <p>Velardi said their marriage fell through because they simply became less involved and drifted apart.</p> <p>“So we gave each other up,” Velardi said.</p> <p>Williams committed suicide in August 2014, aged 63.</p>

Movies

Placeholder Content Image

Women who are cheated on win in long term

<p>Women who are cheated on are better off in the long term, the largest ever study of break-ups, which surveyed 5,705 participants in 96 counties, has found. The research carried out jointly by Binghamton University<a href="https://www.binghamton.edu/"></a> in the USA and University College, London looked at how happy men and women were before, during and after a breakup. The study showed that if a woman is cheated on, the lessons she learns can be “evolutionarily adaptive” helping her select a much better mate in the future, while the other woman’ ends up with a partner with a track record of being deceptive and a cheat, meaning that she is the long-term loser, according to psychologists.</p> <p>The study confirmed what many have thought in the past; that while brutally painful, a breakup offers valuable life experience that helps inform our future decisions. It was found that women who “lose” their partner to another woman often experience a period of post relationship grief and turbulence that goes on longer than their male counterparts but eventually leads to a stronger “bounce back” and a higher “mating intelligence” that allows her to better detect cues which may indicate dishonesty and/or infidelity and steer clear before any issues can arise. The “other woman”, conversely, is now in a relationship with a partner who has a demonstrated history of deception and, likely, infidelity.</p> <p>The lead researcher for the study, Dr Craig Morris, of Binghamton said that in the results women explicitly state that they are “better off now” after being cheated on more than do men. “Women speak of the breakup experience almost exclusively in the past tense whereas men often use the present tense,” said Dr Morris indicating their ability to move on and appreciate the lessons learnt.</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/06/steps-to-recover-from-betrayal/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>13 steps to recover from betrayal</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/05/crucial-quality-in-a-life-partner-you-might-be-forgetting-about/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>The crucial quality to look for in a life partner</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/06/women-get-healthier-after-their-husbands-die/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>Women get healthier after their husbands die</strong></em></span></a></p>

Relationships

Our Partners