How to leave your wealth to family without starting a war

Nothing tests family loyalty quite like the words “who gets what”. Yet for millions of Australians now sitting on property, shares, superannuation and savings built up over a lifetime, that conversation is becoming impossible to put off.

Australia is moving through the largest transfer of private wealth in its history, with an estimated $5 trillion expected to change hands between generations, according to Livewire Markets. The Productivity Commission has separately projected that the total value of inheritances passed to the next generation could increase almost fourfold between 2020 and 2050.

That is an extraordinary amount of money. Unfortunately, it is also an extraordinary opportunity for families to fall out.

There are already signs that inheritance disputes are becoming a bigger issue. NSW Supreme Court figures show court-annexed mediations in its Succession and Probate List climbed from just 104 in 2021 to 735 in 2025.

Meanwhile, a 2026 survey reported by the ABC found 48 per cent of Western Australians surveyed had never had a meaningful conversation with their family about estate planning. Just 18 per cent had discussed their plans in detail. Among baby boomers, only 10 per cent reported not having a will, suggesting that for many older Australians the problem may not be whether something has been put on paper, but whether anybody else understands it.

Financial adviser Adam Dawes of Shaw and Partners has been fielding exactly these questions. After an earlier discussion about Australia’s enormous intergenerational wealth transfer struck a chord with Livewire Markets readers, he returned to answer their questions about everything from helping children early to protecting a new partner and dealing with unequal inheritances.

And one thing quickly becomes clear: a will is only the beginning.

Dawes says families can “literally implode” over money left by parents, particularly when one child has previously received substantial financial help or family members have different ideas about what is fair.

Imagine, for example, that you gave one child $200,000 towards a home deposit 10 years ago. Was it a gift? A loan? An advance on their inheritance? Do their siblings know? And when your estate is eventually divided, should that $200,000 be taken into account?

Dawes recommends documenting significant financial assistance and making clear whether it was a loan that needs to be repaid or an advance on an inheritance. The important thing is that your children are not left to work out your intentions for themselves after you are gone.

Because “fair” does not always mean “equal”.

One child may have spent years caring for an ageing parent while another lives interstate. One may have worked in the family business. One may be financially comfortable while another is struggling with a mortgage and young children. There may be stepchildren, grandchildren, a second marriage or a family home that one person desperately wants to keep.

There can be perfectly understandable reasons for treating beneficiaries differently. But an unexplained difference discovered during the reading of a will can feel less like financial planning and more like a parent’s final verdict on their children.

There is another question increasingly being asked: why make the children wait at all?

The Productivity Commission found that people generally receive inheritances relatively late in life. Its research estimated the average recipient was about 50, by which point many of life’s most expensive hurdles – buying a first home, raising children and establishing a career – may already have been negotiated.

Dawes believes that can make giving some money earlier worth considering.

“Gifting somebody money at 35 and seeing them enjoy it potentially might be a better way than when they’re at 60, and you’ve passed away,” he said.

It also gives parents something no will can provide: the chance to actually see what their help achieves.

But Dawes warns that gifting money or assets can have tax, aged-care and other financial consequences, so it is an area where professional advice matters. Trying to reduce assets simply by handing money to the children does not necessarily mean those assets immediately disappear for assessment purposes.

There is also a potentially much bigger surprise waiting for Australians who assume that writing a will means everything is sorted.

Your will does not automatically control your superannuation.

ASIC’s MoneySmart says super generally sits outside the estate unless arrangements have been made for it to be paid to your legal personal representative. Without a valid binding beneficiary nomination, the fund trustee can decide who receives the money within superannuation law and the fund’s rules. Some binding nominations lapse after three years, while others are non-lapsing, so it is important to know which kind you have.

Legal Aid NSW provides a striking example. A person could make a binding nomination leaving their super death benefit to one child while writing a will leaving their entire estate to another. Provided the nomination is valid, the super fund would pay the nominated child rather than simply following the will.

Family trusts can be another trap. MoneySmart says a family trust will usually continue after the person who established it dies, with the trust deed rather than the will determining what happens to its assets.

Then there are enduring powers of attorney, guardianship arrangements and instructions about where important financial and legal documents can actually be found.

Dawes suggests adult children should at least verify that three things are in place: the will, enduring power of attorney and superannuation beneficiary nominations.

“The will doesn’t follow the superannuation,” he said. “They don’t sit side by side.”

He also recommends revisiting a will every two to three years and after major family events such as a birth or death. MoneySmart similarly recommends updating estate arrangements after marriage, separation or divorce, the arrival of children or grandchildren, major financial changes or the death of someone named in the will.

None of which means gathering the children around the kitchen table and announcing exactly how much you are worth.

There is a middle ground between complete secrecy and handing everyone a spreadsheet showing every dollar you own.

Children can know who the executor is, where the will is stored, whether powers of attorney are in place and whether there are important arrangements involving super, trusts or the family home. Most importantly, if one child is going to be treated differently from another, they can understand why.

That conversation may be uncomfortable. Talking about inheritance inevitably means talking about death, and few families are especially good at that.

But consider the alternative.

If the first time your children discover that one sibling received more, another was made executor or the family home was promised to somebody else is after your funeral, there is no longer anyone available to explain the decision.

And by then an argument about money can very quickly become an argument about childhood, favouritism, old resentments and who did more for Mum or Dad.

Australia’s great wealth transfer will eventually move trillions of dollars from one generation to the next. The money will find its way to someone.

The harder question is what condition the family will be in when it arrives.

An inheritance is one of the last messages a parent ever sends their children. If that message is going to be complicated, it may be better to explain it while you are still here.

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