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Leap of imagination: how February 29 reminds us of our mysterious relationship with time and space

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/emily-ohara-874665">Emily O'Hara</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/auckland-university-of-technology-1137">Auckland University of Technology</a></em></p> <p>If you find it intriguing that February 28 will be followed this week by February 29, rather than March 1 as it usually is, spare a thought for those alive in 1582. Back then, Thursday October 4 was followed by Friday October 15.</p> <p>Ten whole days were snatched from the present when Pope Gregory XIII issued a papal bull to “restore” the calendar from discrepancies that had crept into the Julian calendar, introduced by Julius Caesar in 45 BCE.</p> <p>The new Gregorian calendar returned the northern hemisphere’s vernal equinox to its “proper” place, around March 21. (The equinox is when the Earth’s axis is tilted neither toward nor away from the sun, and is used to determine the date of Easter.)</p> <p>The Julian calendar had observed a leap year every four years, but this meant time had drifted out of alignment with the dates of celestial events and astronomical seasons.</p> <p>In the Gregorian calendar, leap days were added only to years that were a multiple of four – like 2024 – with an exception for years that were evenly divisible by 100, but not 400 – like 1700.</p> <p>Simply put, leap days exist because it doesn’t take a neat 365 days for Earth to orbit the Sun. It takes 365.2422 days. Tracking the movement of celestial objects through space in an orderly pattern doesn’t quite work, which is why we have February – time’s great mop.</p> <h2>Time and space</h2> <p>This is just part of the history of how February – the shortest month, and originally the last month in the Roman calendar – came to have the job of absorbing those inconsistencies in the temporal calculations of the world’s most commonly used calendar.</p> <p>There is plenty of <a href="https://theconversation.com/leap-day-fixing-the-faults-in-our-stars-54032">science</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/explainer-the-science-behind-leap-years-and-how-they-work-54788">maths</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-a-seasonal-snarl-up-in-the-mid-1500s-gave-us-our-strange-rules-for-leap-years-132659">astrophysics</a> explaining the relationship between time and the planet we live on. But I like to think leap years and days offer something even more interesting to consider: why do we have calendars anyway?</p> <p>And what have they got to do with how we understand the wonder and strangeness of our existence in the universe? Because calendars tell a story, not just about time, but also about space.</p> <p>Our reckoning of time on Earth is through our spatial relationship to the Sun, Moon and stars. Time, and its place in our lives, sits somewhere between the scientific, the celestial and the spiritual.</p> <p>It is <a href="https://shop.whitechapelgallery.org/products/time">notoriously slippery, subjective and experiential</a>. It is also marked, tracked and determined in myriad ways across different cultures, from tropical to solar to <a href="https://www.stuff.co.nz/pou-tiaki/300062097/matariki-and-the-maramataka-the-mori-lunar-calendar">lunar</a> calendars.</p> <p>It is the Sun that measures a day and gives us our first reference point for understanding time. But it is the <a href="https://librarysearch.aut.ac.nz/vufind/Record/1145999?sid=25214690">Moon</a>, as a major celestial body, that extends our perception of time. By stretching a span of one day into something longer, it offers us a chance for philosophical reflection.</p> <p>The Sun (or its effect at least) is either present or not present. The Moon, however, goes through phases of transformation. It appears and disappears, changing shape and hinting that one night is not exactly like the one before or after.</p> <p>The Moon also has a distinct rhythm that can be tracked and understood as a pattern, giving us another sense of duration. Time is just that – overlapping durations: instants, seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, lifetimes, centuries, ages.</p> <h2>The elusive Moon</h2> <p>It is almost impossible to imagine how time might feel in the absence of all the tools and gadgets we use to track, control and corral it. But it’s also hard to know what we might do in the absence of time as a unit of productivity – a measurable, dispensable resource.</p> <p>The closest we might come is simply to imagine what life might feel like in the absence of the Moon. Each day would rise and fall, in a rhythm of its own, but without visible reference to anything else. Just endless shifts from light to dark.</p> <p>Nights would be almost completely dark without the light of the Moon. Only stars at a much further distance would puncture the inky sky. The world around us would change – trees would grow, mammals would age and die, land masses would shift and change – but all would happen in an endless cycle of sunrise to sunset.</p> <p>The light from the Sun takes <a href="https://www.skyatnightmagazine.com/space-science/how-take-light-from-sun-reach-earth">eight minutes</a> to reach Earth, so the sunlight we see is always eight minutes in the past.</p> <p>I remember sitting outside when I first learned this, and wondering what the temporal delay might be between me and other objects: a plum tree, trees at the end of the street, hills in the distance, light on the horizon when looking out over the ocean, stars in the night sky.</p> <p>Moonlight, for reference, takes about <a href="https://www.pbs.org/seeinginthedark/astronomy-topics/light-as-a-cosmic-time-machine.html">1.3 seconds</a> to get to Earth. Light always travels at the same speed, it is entirely constant. The differing duration between how long it takes for sunlight or moonlight to reach the Earth is determined by the space in between.</p> <p>Time on the other hand, is anything but constant. There are countless ways we characterise it. The mere fact we have so many calendars and ways of describing perceptual time hints at our inability to pin it down.</p> <p>Calendars give us the impression we can, and have, made time predictable and understandable. Leap years, days and seconds serve as a periodic reminder that we haven’t.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/224503/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/emily-ohara-874665"><em>Emily O'Hara</em></a><em>, Senior Lecturer, Spatial Design + Temporary Practices, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/auckland-university-of-technology-1137">Auckland University of Technology</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/leap-of-imagination-how-february-29-reminds-us-of-our-mysterious-relationship-with-time-and-space-224503">original article</a>.</em></p>

Technology

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“I was silenced”: Jelena Dokic opens up on her difficult relationship with her father

<p dir="ltr">Jelena Dokic has opened up about her difficult relationship with her father, and why she attempted to reconcile with him over ten years ago. </p> <p dir="ltr">The former tennis champion shared the details of the abuse she suffered at the hands of her father, documenting that he inflicted regular beatings in her new book <em>Unbreakable</em>. </p> <p dir="ltr">The 40-year-old said her victories on the court made no difference to her father’s violence, writing, “Even if I won, I would still at times be beaten and be abused. I had some very difficult moments where I was beaten and kicked and punched to the point of being unconscious.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Throughout her tennis career, her father Damir was her coach, and accepted nothing less than perfection from his daughter. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I was silenced for my whole life. From the very first day that I started playing tennis, the No. 1 rule was ‘Never tell anyone anything, or there will be massive, massive consequences’,” she said of his dominating personality.</p> <p dir="ltr">Now, Dokic has candidly shared the details of the last time she saw her father, who left her mentally scarred. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I last had contact with him about 10 years ago. And yeah, I even tried to reconcile with him once or twice,” she told the <em><a href="https://www.smh.com.au/sport/tennis/why-i-and-so-many-others-needed-to-apologise-to-jelena-dokic-20240125-p5f050.html">Sydney Morning Herald</a></em>.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I think no matter what happens, you kind of hope that maybe you can kind of salvage a relationship when it comes to family.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“Those dynamics are always very difficult. But it's very hard when someone doesn't have any remorse or can't say sorry. In fact, what he says is that he would do it all again. So, for me, that is very, very hard.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“I had to make a cut and go, ‘I don't need a toxic person or a toxic relationship in my life’.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Thankfully, the star player turned tennis commentator is in a much better place with her brother and mother.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I have a great relationship with my brother, which I'm really glad about because my father used my brother and weaponised our relationship - not allowing me to talk with him for about seven years, because he was so much younger than me,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“We pretty much talk every day, and with my mum, as well. I've had some tough conversations with her because she was on my father's side - but we're in a good place today.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Getty Images / Instagram</em><span id="docs-internal-guid-4118e97e-7fff-f711-4be7-4d1833689cc4"></span></p>

Family & Pets

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Radio star shares devastating relationship news

<p dir="ltr">Nova radio host Tim Blackwell has announced that he and his wife of 14 years have separated. </p> <p dir="ltr">Blackwell, co-host of the <em>Ricki-Lee, Tim &amp; Joel</em> drive show, married his now-ex Monique in 2009, with the couple announcing their split in an emotional Instagram post. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Not all good things end, but this has,” the yoga instructor wrote in a caption alongside two pictures of herself and Tim, 42.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Thank you in advance for your messages of love, support and sadness at the news that Tim &amp; I are no longer together.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“Our babes are forever supported by Tim’s and my love for them. And our friendship together is a source of strength for our family always, as we raise our children as best friends.”</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/C0qsVaiv3-K/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/C0qsVaiv3-K/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Monique Blackwell (@moniquepickles)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p dir="ltr">The couple share three children: Bo, 10, Alfie, seven, and Artie, four.</p> <p dir="ltr">Back in 2018, Tim opened up about the day he met his wife, and how it happened to coincide with the biggest day of his career. </p> <p dir="ltr">Speaking candidly to <em>Stellar</em> magazine, he explained it happened after he’d just moved to Perth in 2002 to launch Nova 93.7FM’s drive show.</p> <p dir="ltr">“It’s the cheesiest radio-nerd story ever — one of the biggest days for my career and certainly the biggest day of my love-life,” Tim told the publication. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I had all the big bosses in town, all the news media there. I was shaking and absolutely sh***ing myself but also exhilarated at the same time.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Once all that was over, we went downstairs and had this huge launch party and Monique was a part of the promotions team at the time there. She came over and I got the courage to say, ‘I’m new to Perth and I’d love to take you out to coffee or something’.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Instagram</em></p>

Relationships

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Robert Irwin's girlfriend sparks engagement rumours with sweet birthday post

<p>Robert Irwin's girlfriend, Rorie Buckey has shared a sweet birthday tribute for the Wildlife Warrior's 20th birthday, and the post has added fuel to the engagement rumours. </p> <p>"Happy birthday to the most radiant, beautiful human being. You are my everything," she captioned the photo of Robert on her Instagram stories. </p> <p>She then shared an Instagram post dedicated to her beau with the caption: "Happy 20th birthday to my partner in crime and best friend. I love you." </p> <p>"Awww Rorie ❤️ thank you, I can’t wait to enter my 20th year with you!" Robert replied in the comments. </p> <p>The pair are currently in a long-distance relationship with Rorie based in Perth and Robert in Queensland. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0RrFb5vgaB/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0RrFb5vgaB/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Rors 🦋💌🌼🌷 (@roriebuckey)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>But that doesn't stop their love from blooming, with Rorie already winning the hearts of the young conservationist's family after showing her willingness to go out into nature. </p> <p>Robert is reportedly planning to propose in the coming months, when Rorie visits him in Africa while he films <em>I'm A Celebrity</em>.</p> <p>"Everyone is convinced he is aiming to pop the question when they're in Africa," an insider told <em>New Idea magazine</em>.</p> <p>"Robert is crazy about her and is planning something unforgettable when he formally proposes. They both know it is part of their plans so he's been dreaming up special ways to make it a surprise."</p> <p>The source added that the young lovebirds are taking their relationship "very serious," and have been planning their future together. </p> <p>Robert and Rorie first made their <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/beauty-style/robert-irwin-makes-red-carpet-debut-with-girlfriend" target="_blank" rel="noopener">red carpet debut</a> as a couple in July, after months of rumours that the pair were dating. </p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Relationships

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Nat Bass slams "vicious" comments about new relationship

<p>Natalie Bassingthwaighte has hit back at trolls just days after <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/nat-bass-shares-sweet-photos-with-new-partner" target="_blank" rel="noopener">publicly debuting</a> her new girlfriend, Pip Loth. </p> <p>The singer, 48, took to Instagram on Thursday to reveal that while most supported her new relationship, other trolls had shared "vicious" and "horrific" comments. </p> <p>The <em>Rouge Traders</em> star shared an emotional plea about wanting the hate to stop and said that she will be blocking trolls. </p> <p>"I felt like it was really important to say thank you for the love and support I've received in the last little while... on the flip side, with love comes hate and I'm not a hater," she began. </p> <p>"I don't understand how people have time to go on somebody's page and comment so viciously and horrifically and intentionally make people feel awful, it's not accepted on my page and I won't have it."</p> <p>"My team will be looking at the comments and blocking anyone who says anyone negative towards anyone I love, that includes my family, Cam, my kids and my girlfriend. We all deserve respect and love as we're all human, we all bleed, cry and all suffer."</p> <p>She then urged the trolls and paparazzi to stop: "It's a load of crap, it's not acceptable and I want it to stop!</p> <p>"Be kind, you don't know what people are going through and it's a dangerous slippery slope," she added. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/C0QDCjhvTaS/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/C0QDCjhvTaS/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Natalie Bassingthwaighte (@natbassingthwaighte)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Fans shared support for the singer, and applauded her for standing up for herself and her loved ones. </p> <p>"I’m so happy to hear you are getting rid of all the negativity. I don’t get it either. I guess happy people don’t do that to others. These trolls have sad, miserable lives. I support you 100%" one wrote. </p> <p>"Sending you and your beautiful family so much love 💜💫 well said keep shining that beautiful light of yours," added another. </p> <p>"You go Girl!! ❤️💯 Block and delete," commented a third. </p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Relationships

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Meryl Streep's shocking relationship news

<p>Meryl Streep has confirmed her separation from her longtime husband Don Gummer. </p> <p>The couple were married for 45 years and share four children together, as well as five grandchildren. </p> <p>A spokesperson for Streep confirmed that Meryl and Don have been living apart for six years, after going through their separation away from the public eye. </p> <p>A statement from Streep's spokesperson to <a href="https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2023/10/meryl-streep-don-gummer-separated" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>Vanity</em> <em>Fair</em></a> said, "Don Gummer and Meryl Streep have been separated for more than six years, and while they will always care for each other, they have chosen lives apart.”</p> <p>Despite their separation, Streep continues to wear her wedding ring, as she was spotted at an awards ceremony in Spain on Friday with the band still on her finger. </p> <p>The couple were last pictured together at the 2018 Oscars ceremony.</p> <p>Meryl and Don share four children: singer-songwriter Henry Wolfe, 43, and actresses Mamie Gummer, 40, Grace Gummer, 37, and Louisa Jacobson, 30, whom they raised at their Connecticut compound in the quiet, historic town of Salisbury.</p> <p>Streep and Gummer were first introduced by her brother, Harry, in 1978, and married that same year. </p> <p>They have long been determined to keep their relationship out of the public eye, and have only been spotted together at major Hollywood events. </p> <p>Some years ago, Streep was quoted saying, “It sure isn’t easy being married to an actress." </p> <p>“But if you give each other space, you also get closeness. And time is still the best thing we can give each other nowadays.” </p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Relationships

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What does having a ‘good relationship with food’ mean? 4 ways to know if you’ve got one

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/clare-collins-7316">Clare Collins</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-newcastle-1060">University of Newcastle</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/tracy-burrows-172931">Tracy Burrows</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-newcastle-1060">University of Newcastle</a></em></p> <p>Travelling on a train recently you couldn’t help but overhear two women deep in conversation about a mutual obsession with food, including emotional triggers that pushed them towards chocolate and pizza.</p> <p>They shared feeling guilty about a perceived lack of willpower around food and regularly rummaging through the fridge looking for tasty treats to help soothe emotions. Both lamented not being able to stop and think before eating.</p> <p>Their discussion was a long way from talking about physiological requirements for food to fuel your body and meet essential nutrient needs. Instead, it was highly emotive.</p> <p>It got me thinking about the meaning of a healthy relationship with food, how a person’s eating behaviours develop, and how a “good” relationship can be nurtured. Here’s what a “healthy” food relationship can look like.</p> <h2>What does a ‘good relationship with food’ mean?</h2> <p>You can check whether your relationship with food is “<a href="https://www.rwapsych.com.au/blog/what-does-a-healthy-relationship-with-food-and-eating-look-like/">healthy</a>” by seeing how many items on this list you tick “yes” to. Are you:</p> <ol> <li> <p>in tune with your body cues, meaning you’re aware when you are hungry, when you’re not, and when you’re feeling full?</p> </li> <li> <p>eating appropriate amounts and variety of foods across all food groups, at regular intervals so your nutrient, health and wellbeing needs are met?</p> </li> <li> <p>comfortable eating with others and also eating alone?</p> </li> <li> <p>able to enjoy food, without feelings of guilt or it dominating your life?</p> </li> </ol> <p>If you didn’t get many ticks, you might need to work on improving your relationship with food.</p> <h2>Why does a good relationship with food matter?</h2> <p>A lot of “no” responses indicate you may be using food as a coping mechanism in response to <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36863205/">negative emotions</a>. The problem is this <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36839185/">triggers the brain’s reward centre</a>, meaning although you feel better, this behaviour becomes reinforced, so you are more likely to keep eating in response to negative emotions.</p> <p>Emotional eating and bouts of uncontrolled eating are more likely to be associated with <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36863205">eating disorder symptoms</a> and with having a worse quality diet, including lower intakes of vegetable and higher intakes of nutrient-poor foods.</p> <p>A review of studies on food addiction and mental health found healthy dietary patterns were associated with a lower risk of both disordered eating and <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29368800/">food addiction</a>. Higher intakes of vegetables and fruit were found to be associated with <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35586735/">lower perceived stress</a>, tension, worry and lack of joy in a cohort of more than 8,000 Australian adults.</p> <h2>How to develop a healthy food relationship</h2> <p>There are ways to improve your relationship with food. Here are some tips:</p> <p><strong>1. keep a ‘food mood’ <a href="https://nomoneynotime.com.au/ebooks-meal-plans-more/nmnt-food-and-mood-diary">diary</a>.</strong> Writing down when and where you eat and drink, whom you’re with, what you’re doing, and how all this makes you feel, will give you personal insights into when, what and why you consume the things you do. This helps increase awareness of emotions including stress, anxiety, depression, and factors that influence eating and drinking.</p> <p><strong>2. reflect on what you wrote</strong> in your food mood diary, especially “why” you’re eating when you eat. If reasons include stress, low mood or other emotions, create a distraction list featuring activities such as going for a walk or listening to music, and put it on the fridge, noticeboard or in your phone, so it’s easy to access.</p> <p><strong>3. practise <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28848310/">mindful eating</a>.</strong> This means slowing down so you become very aware of what is happening in your body and mind, moment by moment, when eating and drinking, without making any judgement about your thoughts and feelings. Mindless eating occurs when you eat without thinking at all. Being <a href="https://www.headspace.com/mindfulness/mindful-eating">mindful</a> means taking the time to check whether you really are hungry, or whether it’s “eye” hunger <a href="https://theconversation.com/health-check-six-tips-for-losing-weight-without-fad-diets-52496">triggered by seeing food</a>, “nose” hunger triggered by smells wafting from shops or cafes, “emotional hunger” triggered by feelings, or true, tummy-rumbling hunger.</p> <p><strong>4. learn about <a href="https://nomoneynotime.com.au/hacks-myths-faqs/healthy-eating-why-caring-about-the-foods-you-eat-is-worth-it">your nutrient needs</a>.</strong> Learning why your body needs specific vitamins and minerals and the foods they’re in, rather than just mentally coding food as “good” or “bad”, can help you drop the guilt. Banning “bad” foods makes you want them more, and like them more. Mindfulness can help you gain an <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24035461/">appreciation of foods that are both</a> pleasing and nourishing.</p> <p><strong>5. focus on getting enjoyment from food.</strong> Mindless eating can be reduced by focusing on enjoying food and the pleasure that comes from preparing and sharing food with others. One <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24035461/">intervention</a> for women who had concerns about dieting and weight control used workshops to raise their awareness of food cues that prompt eating, including emotions, or being in places they normally associate with eating, and also sensory aspects of food including taste, touch, smell, sound and texture. It also aimed to instruct them in how to embrace pleasure from social, emotional and cultural aspects of food. The intervention led to a reduction in overeating in response to emotional cues such as sadness and stress. Another <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33347469/">review</a> of 11 intervention studies that promoted eating pleasure and enjoyment found promising results on healthy eating, including better diet quality, healthier portion sizes, healthier food choices and greater liking of healthy foods. Participants also reported healthy food tasted better and got easier to cook more often at home.</p> <h2>Where to get help to improve your relationship with food</h2> <p>A healthy relationship with food also means the absence of <a href="https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/eating-disorders">disordered eating</a>, including binge eating, bulimia and anorexia.</p> <p>If you, or someone you know, shows <a href="https://www.rwapsych.com.au/blog/what-does-a-healthy-relationship-with-food-and-eating-look-like/">signs suggesting disordered eating</a>, such as regularly using restrictive practices to limit food intake, skipping meals, food rituals dictating which foods or combinations to eat at specific times, binge eating, feeling out of control around food, secret eating, inducing vomiting, or use of diet pills, follow up with a GP or health professional.</p> <p>You can get more information from <a href="https://insideoutinstitute.org.au/about-us">InsideOut</a>, an Australian institute for eating disorders. Try their online <a href="https://insideoutinstitute.org.au/for-myself">food relationship “check-up”</a> tool.</p> <p>The <a href="https://butterfly.org.au/">Butterfly Foundation</a> also has specific resources for <a href="https://butterfly.org.au/back-to-school-a-body-image-and-mental-health-guide-for-parents-and-children/">parents</a> and <a href="https://butterfly.org.au/">teachers</a> and a helpline operating from 8am to midnight, seven days a week on 1800 334673.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/202622/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/clare-collins-7316">Clare Collins</a>, Laureate Professor in Nutrition and Dietetics, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-newcastle-1060">University of Newcastle</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/tracy-burrows-172931">Tracy Burrows</a>, Professor Nutrition and Dietetics, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-newcastle-1060">University of Newcastle</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-does-having-a-good-relationship-with-food-mean-4-ways-to-know-if-youve-got-one-202622">original article</a>.</em></p>

Food & Wine

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11 simple daily habits of couples in healthy relationships

<p><strong>The secrets of happy relationships </strong></p> <p>Do you expect your partner to take out the bins every week without ever being thanked? Can you recall the last time you paid your partner a compliment? Find out the secrets of people in a happy and healthy relationship.</p> <p><strong>They Netflix and chill together </strong></p> <p>There are many little ways to boost your marriage – and chief among them is simple companionship. Even if you’re couch surfing, do it together. Spending time with one another is one of the highlights of a healthy relationship. If he’s reading a book, grab one and cuddle up next to him. Bring him a drink while he’s mowing the lawn. Does washing the car bore you to tears? Then simply stand nearby and chat while he suds it up.</p> <p>“In the beginning, couples go out of their way to impress each other and create new ‘first memories’ together,” says Julie Spira, an online dating expert, CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and author of <em>The Perils of Cyber-Dating</em>. “After a while, just being together rises to the top of the relationship totem pole.” And there’s nothing wrong with a good binge-watch. One study found a direct link between media consumption while together and relationship satisfaction.</p> <p><strong>They compliment one another</strong></p> <p>Here’s how to have a healthy relationship: Tell him how hot he is. Or that he smells delicious. Give her rear a smack in those jeans you adore. Happy couples know how to give a sincere compliment in the moment. In fact, a study found that receiving a compliment has the same positive effect as receiving cash.</p> <p>“Compliments are the quickest way to put a smile on your partner’s face,” says Spira. “Find something appealing about the other and never forget what attracted you to him in the first place. If it’s her ability to fill in the Sunday crossword puzzle or his ability to take charge when you need it, let each other know.”</p> <p><strong>They say those three little words</strong></p> <p>If you’re looking to build a stronger relationship, you’re going to need to say “I love you.” Happy couples say it throughout the day – when they wake up, when they’re eating lunch, when they go to sleep. “Saying I love you to your partner, whether it’s first thing in the morning or at bedtime, is important,” says Bonnie Winston, a celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert.</p> <p>“And saying it with a shared kiss makes it extra special.” She says for variation to try other meaningful three-word phrases like “You amaze me,” “You enthrall me,” “I adore you,” or “You’re my everything.” They slip it into conversation whenever they can. Just be sure that you say these words genuinely. “Those three little words are great to say, as long as you say them with intent and not just purely out of habit,” says Alexis Meads, a professional dating coach.</p> <p><strong>They say thank you</strong></p> <p>One of the best ways to make your spouse feel loved is to show graciousness – even for something as seemingly trivial as picking up the kids from a playdate or grabbing a carton of milk at the supermarket. “Appreciation for all the good your partner contributes to your life is vital,” says Gilda Carle, PhD, relationship expert and author of <em>Ask for What You Want AND GET IT</em>. “Thank-yous go a long way to continuing wedded bliss.” In fact, a study in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology found that gratitude increased an athlete’s self-esteem, which is a component of an optimal performance.</p> <p>For the sake of your relationship, it’s important to express your appreciation for what your significant other does for you. “No one wants to feel taken for granted,” says Antonia Hall, MA, a psychologist and relationship expert. “By finding things each day for which you’re grateful and expressing it to your sweetie, you foster positive connectivity with him. It will make him feel appreciated and often sparks his desire to want to please you all the more.”</p> <p><strong>They show PDA</strong></p> <p>Public displays of affection aren’t just for teenagers. Happy couples aren’t afraid to show their affection for one in another – even in public. “Intimacy and touch keeps you connected with your partner,” says Hall. “It fosters a connectedness that supports a strong and happy relationship.” Don’t worry, you don’t need to have a full-on make-out session in front of your in-laws. But you can keep your love alive by holding hands at the mall or snuggling at the kids’ sports game. A little PDA goes a long way.</p> <p>“Just touching your partner will help you feel more connected, both physically, emotionally and intellectually,” says Spira. “Plus, it’s a great form of foreplay.” Not to mention that it shows that you’re vulnerable. “When vulnerability is shown and nurtured, then trust in your relationship has the ability to grow,” says Kristie Overstreet, a licensed professional clinical counsellor, certified sex therapist and author of <em>Fix Yourself First: 25 Tips to Stop Ruining Your Relationship</em>.</p> <p><strong>They check in with one another</strong></p> <p>You don’t have to speak on the phone or text 24/7, but couples in healthy relationships call or text – to show the dog’s latest mess, a funny street sign, or for no reason at all. “Checking in with one another boosts feelings of ardour and security,” Winston says. Dr Carle adds, “People who check in with one another during their busy days are letting their partner know they’re thinking of them, despite all the other things going on.”</p> <p><strong>They go to bed at the same time</strong></p> <p>“This doesn’t mean that you both have to fall asleep. But at least wind the night down and get into the bed at the same time,” says Overstreet. “This gives you the opportunity to close the day together, which is very important.” Research shows that 75 percent of couples don’t go to bed at the same time, usually because one person is surfing the web, working or watching TV.</p> <p>Happy couples do their best not to stay up late cleaning the kitchen or folding laundry while the other catches some shuteye. Save the chores for another time. “In my experience as a relationship therapist, couples that go to bed at the same time have a more trusting relationship than those who don’t,” says Overstreet. Bedtime is an opportunity to talk about the day ahead and maybe have a quickie before you hit the hay too.</p> <p><strong>They laugh together </strong></p> <p>Soccer is at 4pm; doctor’s appointment is at 5:30pm.; remember to pick up a pizza on the way home. It’s easy to get into the habit of talking only about the logistics of life and kids. Healthy couples make it a habit to laugh together – often. It keeps the joy and spirit alive in your relationship.</p> <p>A new paper from US professor Jeffrey Hall gives data-backed validity to something you may have figured for yourself: couples who laugh together, stay together. “Find a way to make each other laugh,” says Spira. “Whether it’s watching a funny television show together or doing some playful teasing, laughter and happiness go hand-in-hand.”</p> <p><strong>They share a hobby</strong></p> <p>Tennis anyone? How about writing music? Happy couples take up a hobby that they can do together. Even if they don’t have common interests, happy couples will develop them. Maybe they try new restaurants together or volunteer at the local soup kitchen side by side once a week. “By no means do you need to do everything together,” says Meads.</p> <p>“However, couples who stay together have fun doing some of the same things.” When couples see their relationship as full of fun, they’re more likely to be happier over the long term. “Adding your mutual hobby to your schedule gives you something to look forward to and a memory to look back upon,” says Spira. And living a stimulating life outside the bedroom will lead to a stimulating life inside it.</p> <p><strong>They ask for what they need</strong></p> <p>Happy couples ask for what they need and listen to each other’s requests. “Healthy relationships encourage people to be authentic in their feelings so they can genuinely express themselves,” says Dr Carle. You’re doomed if you just hope that your partner will be a mind reader and “just know” what you’re thinking.</p> <p>Happy couples openly talk about their needs and understand their differences. “When your significant other does something you like, tell him so,” says Winston. “This will give him a feeling of validation and he’ll continue to want to please you.”</p> <p><strong>They're a team </strong></p> <p>“With a team mentality, couples lift each other up and are stronger together,” says Hall. “They make sacrifices to benefit the long-term partnership.” They make decisions together – one person doesn’t call all the shots. It can be small issues like deciding what to watch on the TV to bigger issues like figuring out where you want to raise a family. “Knowing your partner has your back and vice versa is a great source of comfort in the game of love,” says Spira.</p> <p>You function as a unit and think in terms of “we” instead of “I.” Remember that you’re on the same team, says relationship expert Andrea Syrtash, author of<em> Cheat on Your Husband (with Your Husband)</em>. “It doesn’t make sense to have a winner and a loser in an argument,” Syrtash says. “You’re more likely to fight more fairly when you consider this.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/11-daily-habits-of-couples-in-healthy-relationships?pages=1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. </em></p>

Relationships

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"Creepy" reaction to Robert Irwin debuting his girlfriend on social media

<p>Robert Irwin finally made his relationship with Rorie Buckey Instagram official with a cute selfie shared to his four million followers. </p> <p>While many were supportive of the couple's budding romance, a few others couldn't hide their disappointment as their dreams of having their own fairytale romance with the conservationist were crushed. </p> <p>“You just broke the hearts of tens of thousands of young girls across the world. Congrats tho,”  commented one person. </p> <p>“Siri play that should be me by Justin Bieber,” commented another. </p> <p>"So this is what heartbreak and betrayal feels like," commented a third. </p> <p>"I don’t think I can ever recover from this," wrote fourth. </p> <p>"What if this was my last straw robert," wrote another. </p> <p>One fan even asked him: "HOW COULD U CHEAT ON ME !?😭"</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CwUpgBprVDf/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CwUpgBprVDf/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Robert Irwin (@robertirwinphotography)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>The post itself gained almost 400,000 likes in the first eight hours after it went live, and a few comments have called out the fans who were disappointed in the star. </p> <p>“Some of these comments are creepy as,” wrote one.</p> <p>“This comment section is disappointing remove yourself from whatever parasocial relationship you’ve constructed and treat people with kindness,” commented another. </p> <p>“As much as I do have a celebrity crush on Robert, I think everybody should be happy for him. His life,” wrote a third. </p> <p>"Why are these comments so creepy? If you cant be kind, just stop. They look happy, leave them be," added another. </p> <p>The couple were first spotted cuddling at a Queensland beach late last year, and made their first <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/beauty-style/robert-irwin-makes-red-carpet-debut-with-girlfriend" target="_blank" rel="noopener">red carpet debut </a>at Sydney's International Convention Centre last month. </p> <p>Buckley, who is late star Heath Ledger's niece, is currently living in Perth, so the young couple are currently making their relationship work long-distance. </p> <p><em>Image: Instagram</em></p>

Relationships

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The truth about Queen Elizabeth II and Princess Diana’s relationship

<p><strong>The Queen and Diana</strong></p> <p>Queen Elizabeth II and her daughter-in-law, Princess Diana, were more alike than you may realise: They both gave their lives to public service, they were strong in their own ways, and both were devoted to their families and subjects alike. But Queen Elizabeth and Princess Diana were also very different. The Queen is silent and traditional; Diana was modern and outspoken.</p> <p>Lady Diana Spencer, an aristocrat with many links to the royal family tree, married the eldest son of Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Charles, in July 1981. They had two sons, Princes William and Harry, who are Queen Elizabeth’s grandchildren. After several publicly tumultuous years in their marriage, Charles and Diana divorced in 1996, and Princess Diana died the following year.</p> <p>What was the relationship between Queen Elizabeth and Princess Diana really like, though? Much of the information that’s been used to form the narrative is a bit lopsided. “There’s a fundamental asymmetry in what we know about this relationship,” says Arianne Chernock, an associate professor of history at Boston University focusing on modern British history and the monarchy. “Diana perhaps told too much – she disclosed quite a bit about her life and her private feelings and emotions to the press. The Queen throughout her reign has had a very different, much more careful, choreographed approach. And so we don’t know what the Queen thought of the relationship. In a way, Diana gets to narrate the story for us.”</p> <p>And although much hearsay has been written about how the two royals felt about each other, this is what we know from the women themselves about their complicated relationship.</p> <p><strong>When did Queen Elizabeth and Princess Diana meet?</strong></p> <p>The Queen had known Diana Spencer – or at least known of her – for most of the younger woman’s life. “The Spencers were a prominent family with close royal ties,” Chernock says. Diana’s father was an equerry, or personal attendant, to the Queen’s father, King George VI, and then to the Queen herself; her grandmother was a lady-in-waiting to Elizabeth’s mother. Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip attended Diana’s parents’ wedding, and the Queen is the godmother of Diana’s younger brother, Charles.</p> <p>Princess Diana was born and spent her childhood at Park House, on the grounds of the royal estate in Sandringham, Norfolk. The royal family’s official website notes that, as neighbours, the families had known each other for many years. “In fact, Diana’s older sister [Lady Sarah] briefly dated Prince Charles before he met Diana,” Chernock says.</p> <p>As her royal biography notes, Diana first encountered Prince Charles in 1977. He’d been invited to the Spencer estate at Althorp, where the family had moved after Diana’s father became Earl Spencer in 1975.</p> <p>When they began dating, a marriage between Charles and Diana was hardly a given. So when was Diana introduced to the Queen as a potential partner for Charles? “The most sustained early interaction with the royal family came when she was invited to [royal Scottish country estate] Balmoral,” Chernock says. Viewers of Netflix’s The Crown will remember the 1980 meeting as the infamous “Balmoral test.”</p> <p>The Queen thought Diana quite suitable for Charles. “She was very much a hit with the royal family – they really warmed to her,” Chernock says. “Diana worked very, very hard to ingratiate herself and to model what she thought being a princess would entail, and she did it very successfully.”</p> <p>But this success would later come to backfire on Diana. “In retrospect, many would argue that she was not her authentic self during that visit, so she was more performing a role that she aspired to as opposed to being herself,” Chernock says. “She was working very hard to fit in. She was a city girl, and she pretended to love the country. She went out shooting. She did all of the things that she was supposed to do but that she actually did not enjoy.”</p> <p><strong>What was the relationship between Queen Elizabeth and Princess Diana like?</strong></p> <p>At first, everything went smoothly between the Queen and Diana. “We do know that both she and Philip thought that Diana, based on that experience in Scotland, was very acceptable,” Chernock says. “They encouraged this union.”</p> <p>Although they were not exactly close, the Queen approved of Charles’s choice – or rather, she approved of the woman she believed Diana to be. If she hadn’t given her stamp of approval, the relationship wouldn’t have moved forward. “The Queen has never left a recorded impression,” Chernock says. “She’s very tight-lipped. So we don’t know. We can’t access her diaries or her private thoughts. We can look at her actions and her behaviours; those are the clues we have.”</p> <p>As for Diana, she may have started to get the sense that she bit off more than she could chew. “I think after her initial romance in Scotland, she began to realise just how tricky the royal family would be and how ill-prepared she was to really be a full-fledged member of the family,” Chernock says.</p> <p><strong>How did Queen Elizabeth feel about Diana's engagement to Prince Charles?</strong></p> <p>The Queen had a sense that Diana could handle royal life, and not just because of her success at Balmoral. Additional proof came, ironically, in the way Diana was able to weather the storm of press and photographers who soon descended upon her, according to a 1981 Time magazine article announcing her engagement. The Queen had begun pressing Charles to propose, due in part to all the media attention, giving him an ultimatum to marry Diana by the summer of 1981 or not at all. “The idea of this romance going on for another year is intolerable to everyone concerned,” the Queen said, according to Time. And when the public announcement happened, Elizabeth was “beaming.”</p> <p>But things would take a darker turn for Diana as she moved into the royal apartments at Buckingham Palace in preparation for the wedding. “Diana was wanting more guidance and felt that the Queen could have offered that to her,” Chernock says. “So it’s a fishbowl kind of experience, very few people on the inside, and I think Diana did describe her experience as a profoundly lonely one and wished that especially women in the royal family had been more accessible, more available to her.”</p> <p>The Queen, though, might have seen things differently. “She may think she was very accessible – she may think she did what she could, given her role and given her commitments and constraints,” Chernock says. “Again, Diana gets to tell the story about the Queen.”</p> <p>We do have a glimpse of the Queen’s feelings on the matter. According to royal expert Ingrid Seward’s 2002 book The Queen &amp; Di, in March 1981, Elizabeth wrote a letter to a friend in which she said, “I trust that Diana will find living here less of a burden than is expected.”</p> <p>Of course, that’s not what happened – at least from Diana’s point of view. “She described the royal family as cold, heartless and unfeeling; unsympathetic,” Chernock says. “I don’t think she was ever singling out the Queen specifically, but certainly that was how she framed her encounters with the family, the firm.” (The firm is an informal title for the institution of the monarchy, of which the Queen is the head.)</p> <p><strong>What happened between Queen Elizabeth and Princess Diana after the wedding?</strong></p> <p>After Charles and Diana’s wedding on July 29, 1981, the Queen began to entrust Diana with royal responsibilities, showing that she had confidence in the new Princess’s ability to carry out her official duties. Diana’s first solo task was to represent the royal family at the funeral of Princess Grace of Monaco, which the Queen allowed her to take on even though Charles didn’t think it was a good idea. According to Andrew Morton’s 1992 book, Diana: Her True Story – In Her Own Words, the Princess recalled, “I went to the Queen, and I said, ‘You know, I’d like to do this,’ and she said, ‘I don’t see why not. If you want to do this, you can.’”</p> <p>The success at that event led to many more, and even the Queen could see that the Princess had a way with people that could buoy the monarchy’s popularity. “She was an asset, to a point, until she stole the show,” Chernock says. “Part of the challenge, though, for the Queen and especially for Charles, was that Diana, she shined so brightly that she really – not necessary intentionally – eclipsed those around her.”</p> <p>Diana’s star power affected Charles the most when they toured, but it impacted Elizabeth as well. “There was a bit of, I suspect, tension there because she’s the Queen,” Chernock says. “There was a complicated little dance they probably had to play with each other.”</p> <p><strong>How did the women's relationship change as the royal marriage declined?</strong></p> <p>Prince Charles and Princess Diana were mismatched from the start, and with their marriage crumbling, the relationship between Queen Elizabeth and Princess Diana was also headed for the rocks.</p> <p>In tapes from 1993, which were made public in 2004 and rereleased with the 2017 documentary, Diana: In Her Own Words that aired in the United Kingdom, the Princess said she was not given the support she needed when she went “sobbing” to ask the Queen for help with the marriage. “So I went to the top lady and said, ‘I don’t know what I should do,’” Diana said. “She said, ‘I don’t know what you should do.’ And that was it. That was ‘help.’”</p> <p>According to Seward in The Queen &amp; Di, although Elizabeth was initially sympathetic to Diana, eventually the stoic monarch felt that the emotional Princess was simply too much to handle. “A footman said, ‘The Princess cried three times in a half an hour while she was waiting to see you.’ The Queen replied, ‘I had her for an hour – and she cried nonstop.’”</p> <p>Unsatisfied, that’s when Diana turned to the press; specifically, the Morton book in 1992 (although Diana’s participation was kept a secret until after her death) and Diana’s 1995 BBC Panorama interview with Martin Bashir (who recently apologised for using deceitful tactics to get the interview). The royals, including the Queen, “thought she talked too much – they did not see that as in keeping with royal protocol; how much she disclosed,” Chernock says.</p> <p>Although Elizabeth was “stunned” that Diana revealed so much publicly, according to Seward, she had to keep quiet and couldn’t respond in turn with her own feelings. Elizabeth’s silence on the matter didn’t help her cause, however. “The Queen’s interior or inner life is often a mystery, which works well for her on some occasions and less so on others because it can lead to this more unsympathetic portrayal of her becoming the dominant one; when we really don’t know what was going on,” Chernock says.</p> <p><strong>How did Queen Elizabeth feel about Charles and Diana's separation and divorce?</strong></p> <p>As you’ve no doubt guessed, Queen Elizabeth wasn’t thrilled that the royal marriage was dissolving. “I think we can assume, based on many related conversations others had, that [the Queen] did not want a separation; that this was seen as dangerous to the throne, not in keeping with this moral platform the family tries to uphold or project,” says Chernock. “So I think they certainly felt this was unfortunate.”</p> <p>Princess Diana and Prince Charles separated in 1992, but as their separation dragged on for several years, Elizabeth thought it was time to put a formal end to things. In 1995, Buckingham Palace released a statement to the press: “After considering the present situation, the Queen wrote to both the Prince and Princess earlier this week and gave them her view, supported by the Duke of Edinburgh, that an early divorce is desirable. The Prince of Wales also takes this view and has made this known to the Princess of Wales. The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh will continue to do all they can to help and support the Prince and Princess of Wales, and most particularly their children, in this difficult period.”</p> <p>The Queen’s thinking on the topic of divorce had evolved over time – after all, it was her uncle’s inability to marry divorcée Wallis Simpson that caused him to abdicate the throne to his brother. And then there was her lack of support for her sister, Margaret, who had wished to marry divorcé Peter Townsend in the 1950s.</p> <p>“When you look back at Queen Elizabeth’s strong reaction to her sister Margaret’s desire to marry a divorcé and her opposition to Margaret’s marriage to Townsend, we can see the Queen has certainly evolved in her thinking, and I suspect she has come to prioritise the happiness of her family members over time,” Chernock says, pointing to the fact that other royals have divorced and Prince Harry has married divorcée Meghan Markle. “I think she has become much less rigid in her approach to thinking about marriage and the royal family, and [in] recognising that the royal family serves its constituents most effectively when its members are fulfilled emotionally as well as in other capacities.”</p> <p>Charles and Diana divorced in 1996.</p> <p><strong>How did Queen Elizabeth react to Princess Diana's death?</strong></p> <p>Perhaps the lowest point for the Queen throughout her 70-year-reign was after Diana was killed in the car crash, just one year after her divorce from Prince Charles. Instead of immediately rushing back to London from Balmoral to comfort her people, Elizabeth chose to stay in Scotland to attend to her grieving grandchildren, William and Harry, who had just lost their mother. The fact that Elizabeth remained in seclusion angered her subjects and fuelled conspiracy theories about Diana’s death.</p> <p>“I think in private she probably was a much more supportive anchor for that family in their period of turmoil than she’s given credit for,” Chernock says. “This is just what I surmise, but how telling is it that Meghan and Harry named their daughter [Lilibet] after the Queen? Clearly, there’s a really strong bond and love there, and she must have been a support to Harry during that really difficult period around his mother’s death.”</p> <p>Prince William echoed this in the BBC documentary, Diana, 7 Days. “At the time, you know, my grandmother wanted to protect her two grandsons, and my father as well,” he said, recalling being grateful to have had “the privacy to mourn, to collect our thoughts, and to just have that space away from everybody.” William also said that Elizabeth “felt very torn between being a grandmother to William and Harry and her Queen role.”</p> <p>A letter from Elizabeth to one of her aides recently resurfaced, revealing the Queen’s personal feelings about Diana’s passing. “It was indeed dreadfully sad, and she is a huge loss to the country. But the public reaction to her death and the service in the Abbey seem to have united people around the world in a rather inspiring way. William and Harry have been so brave, and I am very proud of them,” the Queen wrote. “I think your letter was one of the first I opened – emotions are still so mixed up, but we have all been through a very bad experience!”</p> <p>A week after her death and the night before Diana’s funeral, the Queen came back to Buckingham Palace and made a rare live television speech about the Princess; a landmark moment for her reign. Her broadcast, though, was “much at the urging of Tony Blair, prime minister at the time,” Chernock says. “I think she was counselled, but she was receptive to it, and saw that that was the wise move, and she relented.”</p> <p><strong>How did Princess Diana impact Queen Elizabeth and the monarchy?</strong></p> <p>Diana’s death was a turning point for the monarchy – and for Queen Elizabeth herself, who subsequently developed a renewed connection with her people. “These are all lessons learned from the challenges of managing ‘the Diana affair’ and the fallout from that,” Chernock says. “I think it was a very challenging moment for the crown but also indicative of the crown’s resilience that they, and the Queen specifically, were able to weather that and gain new levels of popularity in the years after, when many were predicting the end of monarchy in the late 1990s.”</p> <p>The Queen herself has changed as well, at least a bit. She’s “trying to inject a little bit more spontaneity, a little bit more emotion, a little bit more connection into her delivery,” Chernock says. “She has a very different style from Diana – and I don’t think anyone would want her to be Diana – but she’s become more willing to bring some of her own personality into public.”</p> <p>In addition, “I think she has developed a much finer appreciation for messaging, for showing that she’s emotionally connected to her people and in touch, and trying to incorporate some informality, even though scripted, into her role,” Chernock says.</p> <p>Case in point: the opening ceremony of the 2012 London Olympics, in which the Queen performed in a James Bond skit. “That has Diana written all over it,” Chernock says.</p> <p>While her famous British “keep calm and carry on” attitude has helped the country withstand recent challenges – namely, a global pandemic – the Queen has also learned to adapt, even growing the royal family’s presence on social media. “I think the whole royal family, including Queen Elizabeth, took a lesson from Diana’s formula that works,” Chernock says. “The royal family is always trying to balance tradition and innovation in a way that makes sense. In large part, I think this has to do with Diana and the fact that she was able to show that informality works.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/culture/the-truth-about-queen-elizabeth-ii-and-princess-dianas-relationship" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. </em></p>

Relationships

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Paul McCartney’s unusual relationship with Michael Parkinson

<p>Paul McCartney has paid tribute to Michael Parkinson, calling him a “great guy” and a “good friend” in a lengthy and heartfelt post on social media.</p> <p>The iconic interviewer passed away peacefully at home on August 16th after a battle with a brief illness according to a statement from his family.</p> <p>After his death, a flood of tributes poured in from celebrities around the world, including The Beatles frontman Paul McCartney.</p> <p>Parkinson was a personal friend of McCartney’s, as the pair even appeared on a famous album cover together.</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p>I first met Michael Parkinson in Liverpool when he and his team came to see us at the Cavern Club. He was a very likeable guy and we eventually did our first TV performances with Granada in Manchester, where Michael worked.</p> <p>Through the years I got to know him more and more, and… <a href="https://t.co/o0fMiXsWwN">pic.twitter.com/o0fMiXsWwN</a></p> <p>— Paul McCartney (@PaulMcCartney) <a href="https://twitter.com/PaulMcCartney/status/1692969489980063890?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 19, 2023</a></p></blockquote> <p>The two feature on the album cover of Wings‘ coveted "<em>Band On The Run</em>" record as escaped convicts, with Parkinson agreeing to appear on the cover if McCartney would return the favour by being a guest on his chat show.</p> <p>Taking to Twitter on Saturday, McCartney remembered his friend, writing, “I first met Michael Parkinson in Liverpool when he and his team came to see us at the Cavern Club. He was a very likeable guy and we eventually did our first TV performances with Granada in Manchester, where Michael worked.”</p> <p>“Through the years I got to know him more and more, and appeared on his chat show quite a few times. He was a pleasure to talk to and we always had fun. He appeared on the front cover of ‘<em>Band on the Run</em>’ as one of the escaping convicts in the title song. He was very knowledgeable about many subjects and a keen sports-lover.”</p> <p>He added, “I will miss him personally, as a good friend. I send all my love to his family and friends. Cheers Michael, you’re a great guy okay!”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Paul McCartney / Twitter (X)</em></p>

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What is a relationship ‘boundary’? And how do I have the boundary conversation with my partner?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/raquel-peel-368041">Raquel Peel</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a></em></p> <p>Text messages showing actor Jonah Hill asking his ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady to consider a dot point list of relationship “boundaries” have sparked an important conversation.</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">Jonah Hill’s ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady accuses him of emotional abuse.</p> <p>🔗: <a href="https://t.co/LwSnkpnehT">https://t.co/LwSnkpnehT</a> <a href="https://t.co/3B6I86uwNV">pic.twitter.com/3B6I86uwNV</a></p> <p>— Pop Crave (@PopCrave) <a href="https://twitter.com/PopCrave/status/1677755077249859586?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 8, 2023</a></p></blockquote> <p>Two different interpretations of these texts are dominating the discussion.</p> <p>Some have understood Hill’s dot points as a reasonable set of relationship expectations or “preferences” for a partner. Others see Hill’s list of relationship deal-breakers as a controlling behaviour.</p> <p>So what is a relationship “boundary” and how do you have this conversation with your partner?</p> <h2>What are relationship boundaries?</h2> <p>Boundaries are personal and influenced by one’s values. They can be emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual and cultural.</p> <p>The purpose of creating, understanding and respecting boundaries is to ensure one’s mental health and well-being are protected. Used well, they can keep relationships healthy and safe.</p> <p>Setting boundaries can also reinforce values and priorities important to you.</p> <h2>Some ‘boundaries’ are controlling and go too far</h2> <p>That said, relationship boundaries can become unsafe for the people involved. Some cross the line into coercive control.</p> <p>For instance, one might be able to justify to themselves they need to know where their partner is at all times, monitor their communications and keep tabs on their partner’s friendships because they just want to keep their partner safe.</p> <p>But these are not boundaries; this is coercive control.</p> <p>If your partner is describing these as their relationship boundaries, you should feel comfortable to say you are not OK with it. You should also feel comfortable explaining what boundaries you need to set for yourself and your relationship to feel safe.</p> <p>In fact, <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01639625.2017.1304801">research</a> has found that even cyberstalking offenders might struggle to acknowledge how their behaviour can be perceived as intrusive by their partner. They may also have trouble understanding how it contributed to their break-up.</p> <p>My research on how people can sabotage their own relationships revealed a <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s40359-021-00644-0#Tab1">lack of relationship skills</a> is often a key factor in relationship issues.</p> <p>The same <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-relationships-research/article/abs/defining-romantic-selfsabotage-a-thematic-analysis-of-interviews-with-practising-psychologists/35531B41927851905281C7D815FE4199">research</a> highlighted how people who fear their relationship is at risk can end up indulging in controlling behaviours such as partner monitoring, tracking how a partner spends their money and emotional manipulation.</p> <p>In other words, people can sometimes employ unhealthy behaviours with the intention of keeping their partner but end up pushing them away.</p> <h2>Understanding partner and relationship expectations</h2> <p>We might have a vision in mind of an “<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-3514.91.4.662">ideal partner</a>”. But it’s highly improbable one person can ever meet such high standards.</p> <p>Rigid partner and relationship standards, just like unreasonable boundaries, can cause distress, hopelessness and resentment.</p> <p>So healthy romantic relationships need clear communication and negotiation. Sometimes, that involves being flexible and open to hearing what the other person has to say about your proposed boundaries.</p> <p>Relationship boundaries are a life skill that needs constant learning, practice and improvement.</p> <h2>Having a conversation about healthy relationship boundaries</h2> <p>Some mistakenly believe having any relationship boundaries at all is unreasonable or a form of abuse. That’s not the case.</p> <p>In my <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">research</a> on relationship sabotage, many people spoke about how being able to clearly communicate and set relationship expectations has helped them maintain their relationships over the long term and dispel <a href="https://scholarworks.uni.edu/facpub/1397/">unrealistic</a> standards.</p> <p>Communicating expectations can also help people deal with common relationship fears, such as getting hurt, being rejected and feeling disrespected.</p> <p>But for an important conversation about boundaries to take place, you first need the environment for an open, honest and trusting discussion.</p> <p>Partners should feel they can talk freely and without fear about what they are comfortable with in a relationship. And, be able to discuss how they feel about a boundary their partner has proposed.</p> <h2>Clarify and discuss</h2> <p>If you’re having the boundary conversation with your partner, clarify what you mean by your boundary request and how it might work in practice. Examples can help. Understanding the nuances can help your partner decide if your boundary request is reasonable or unreasonable for them.</p> <p>Second, negotiate which boundaries are hard and which are soft. This will involve flexibility and care, so you’re not undermining your or your partner’s, freedom, mental health and wellbeing. A hard boundary is non-negotiable and can determine the fate of the relationship. A soft boundary can be modified, as long as all parties agree.</p> <p>What constitutes a healthy boundary is different for each individual and each relationship.</p> <p>Regardless, it is a conversation best had in person, not by text message (which can easily be taken out of context and misunderstood). If you really must have the discussion over text, be specific and clarify.</p> <p>Before setting boundaries, seek insight into what you want for yourself and your relationship and communicate with your partner openly and honestly. If you’re fearful about how they’ll react to the discussion, that’s an issue.</p> <p>An open and honest approach can foster a productive collaboration that can strengthen relationship commitment.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/209856/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/raquel-peel-368041">Raquel Peel</a>, Adjunct Senior Lecturer, University of Southern Queensland and Senior Lecturer, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-a-relationship-boundary-and-how-do-i-have-the-boundary-conversation-with-my-partner-209856">original article</a>.</em></p>

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Bombshell twist in split between Australia's richest couple

<p>Just days after announcing their separation, there has been a bombshell twist in the split between Australia's richest couple Andrew and Nicola Forrest. </p> <p>The couple, who were married for 31 years and have a shared fortune of $32 billion, <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/australia-s-richest-couple-call-it-quits" target="_blank" rel="noopener">confirmed their separation</a> in a joint statement on Wednesday after living apart for months.</p> <p>During those months apart, it has been revealed that Andrew's own mining company investigated allegations he had a secret relationship with an employee.</p> <p>The board of Mr Forrest's company Fortescue Metals Group became aware of an anonymous letter that made allegations against the mining billionaire while the Forrests were figuring out their separation. </p> <p>The board contacted an outside law firm to investigate claims made in the letter about the behaviour of the executive chairman towards a lower level employee. </p> <p>The Australian Financial Review reported the investigation included a review of whether he had a relationship with an employee at the mining company, with the investigation concluding that the allegations were unsubstantiated.</p> <p>"The directors of Fortescue became aware of an anonymous letter concerning the behaviour of the executive chairman," Fortescue Metals said in a statement.</p> <p>"The board immediately met and engaged Seyfarth Shaw LLP, to independently investigate the letter and provide a report. Seyfarth Shaw LLP provided a full report to the board."</p> <p>"The investigation concluded that none of the matters in the letter were substantiated. There were no adverse findings."</p> <p>It added that Mr Forrest was excluded from the investigation as "it related to him".</p> <p>Fortescue went on to say that the report in full would not be released to shareholders or to the public.  </p> <p>The revelations the investigation emerged just days after Andrew and Nicola announced their separation. </p> <p>"After 31 years of marriage, we have made the decision to live apart," the couple said in a joint statement.</p> <p>"Our friendship and commitment to our family remains strong."</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p>

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What your hugs say about your relationships

<p>When you go in for a hug with a loved one (or a not-so-loved one), chances are you aren’t thinking too much about it. It’s a sort of natural, automatic response, right? Well, it turns out your hugs actually say a lot about your relationship with the person you’re embracing.</p> <p><a style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;" href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00426-018-0985-8" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A study </a>has found that the side we lean to when hugging someone speaks volumes about how we feel towards them.</p> <p>German researchers analysed more than 2,000 hugs in departures and arrivals at an airport and compared them to 500 embraces between strangers.</p> <p>What they found was that during more intense, emotional hugs we lean to the left with our left arm reaching out first to our partner’s right arm, while in less emotionally-charged embraces we turn to the right, extending our right arm to our partner’s left arm.</p> <p>“This is because of the influence of the right hemisphere, which controls the left side of the body and processes both positive and negative emotions,” lead author, Julian Packheiser of Germany’s Ruhr University Bochum, said.</p> <p>“When people hug, emotional and motor networks in the brain interact and cause a stronger drift to the left in emotional contexts.”</p> <p>However, the rules change when it comes to two men embracing. In this case, researchers noticed a strong inclination towards the typically more emotionally-charged left-side hugs even when in neutral situations.</p> <p>“Our interpretation is that many men consider embraces between men to be something negative; therefore, they tend to perceive hugs as negative even in a neutral situation, such as saying hello,” the study’s co-author Sebastian Ocklenburg explained.</p> <p>However, some are sceptical as to the accuracy of the study, which assumed that people hugging in airport departures were feeling negative emotions while those hugging in arrivals were experiencing positive emotions.</p> <p>“I personally don’t buy that,” body language and communication expert Dr Lillian Glass told <em><a href="http://www.newsweek.com/show-me-how-you-really-feel-hugging-left-right-reveals-your-true-emotions-says-791417" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Newsweek</span></strong></a>.</em> “When you hug someone there’s a great deal of various emotions that are involved. Also, most people are statistically right-handed, so you’re going to go to the right side.”</p> <p>So, the next time you give someone a hug, try and notice which side you’re leaning towards and see if these findings apply to your relationships.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Shutterstock</em></p>

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Could sleeping separately save your relationship?

<p>Admit you're sleeping in a separate room to your partner and you may as well have said your relationship is on the rocks, or you're having an affair. That's the response most couples get when they reveal they sleep apart.</p> <p>It's far from the norm, yet a recent survey of nearly 3000 Australians by medical devices company CPAP found that 20 per cent of respondents spent between three and seven nights a week in separate bedrooms because of their or their partner's sleep problems.</p> <p>Far from being something that solo sleepers need to be ashamed of, scientific research into sleep paints a convincing picture for separate beds. In her new book, <em>Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart</em>, author Jennifer Adams (herself a solo sleeper) writes that the benefits of snoozing alone are many: "If you've suffered prolonged sleep deprivation, sleeping apart is good for your mental and physical health – and good for the health of your relationship."</p> <p>Prolonged sleep deprivation can lead to high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, memory loss, premature ageing, increased risk of obesity, heart disease and diabetes. It also lowers testosterone, which interferes with sexual desire.</p> <p>Adams, 47, from Brisbane, decided to go it alone after finding that her boyfriend (now husband) was a chronic snorer. It was exacerbated by his being an "early to rise, early to bed" type, while she's a night owl. After one week of sharing, they went their separate ways and haven't looked back. Of the reasons driving couples to separate beds, she explains, snoring tops the list. The partner of the typical snorer is robbed of 49 precious minutes' sleep nightly, according to a 2005 US National Sleep Foundation poll.</p> <p>Other complaints include one partner being whacked by the other during energetic dreams, noisy toilet trips (men go twice as often as females at night), tossing and turning (we all move about 20 times a night, but men more than women), heavy breathers, different bedtimes and different body-temperature needs (women frequently use partners as human hot-water bottles).</p> <p>Because of the emphasis on bed-sharing as a barometer of a happy relationship, separate sleepers will often go to great lengths to hide their sleeping arrangements from others, even presenting their nightly sanctuary as a "spare room" where the relatives crash. Yet having separate beds can be a marriage saver if both partners wake up refreshed and rested. Adams found from her interviews that far from cruelling a couple's sex life, separate beds could actually spice it up.</p> <p>"Our decision to sleep apart has solidified our relationship. If one of us wants sex, we go to the other person's room, and because we know we're not going to see each other in bed at night, we're more purposeful about intimacy," she says. "Couples I interviewed spoke about making sure sex happened, as they knew the importance of it in their relationship. Separate beds have, for many, brought back creativity and excitement to their sex lives."</p> <p>One solo sleeper Adams interviewed put it this way: "Separate rooms has made our sex lives more exciting because we visit each other's rooms and I feel less 'on tap'."</p> <p>Dr David Cunnington, a sleep physician at the Melbourne Sleep Disorders Centre, recommends separate beds to many of his patients who have sleep-related issues such as insomnia, snoring and different body clocks. "For light sleepers and couples who have different sleep behaviours and needs, separate beds are a lifesaver. It's also more considerate and compassionate to their partner if they sleep in another room."</p> <p>John, a 58-year-old builder married for 30 years, is a solo sleeper because his wife works shifts as a night-time supermarket manager. "Margaret was getting home at 2am and coming to bed at 4.30am. She complained that I thrashed around and snored. We agreed that she moved to the downstairs bedroom and we're both happy."</p> <p>Mary, 74, had to consider separate beds from day one of her marriage. "In those days, you didn't 'try before you buy' and on our first night together on honeymoon, I had one quarter of the bed and he had the rest, taking the blanket with him," she says. "He also snored loudly, while I was a light sleeper."</p> <p>Adams admits sleeping separately isn't for everyone. "But done well, with both partners agreeing to the terms, it helps the relationship flourish ... and they get great sleep to keep them functioning."</p> <p>Jennifer Adams' book <em>Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart</em> is published by Finch.</p> <p>Tips for sweeter dreams</p> <ul> <li>If you're not ready for twin beds, consider small changes: the late reader could read in the lounge room or buy an e-reader (it's quieter than turning pages); or try sleeping on a mattress with two different firmness levels.</li> <li>Make verbal contracts with your partner: for example, after the second time their snoring wakes you, you're allowed to wake them.</li> <li>Solo sleepers need to work hard to maintain intimacy: invite your partner to your room for a date night – with benefits!</li> </ul> <p><em>First appeared on <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Stuff.co.nz</span></a>.</em></p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

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Kate and Will's stunning appearance at royal wedding

<p dir="ltr">The Prince and Princess of Wales were spotted at the spectacular royal wedding of Crown Prince Hussein and Rajwa Alseif.</p> <p dir="ltr">The royal couple travelled all the way to Amman, Jordan to attend the wedding ceremony which took place on Thursday.</p> <p dir="ltr">The Jordanian Crown Prince tied the knot in an Islamic marriage ceremony at Zahran Palace, which was followed by a reception at Al Husseiniya Palace hosting over 1,700 guests.</p> <p dir="ltr">Upon arrival Princess Kate was the epitome of grace, as she dipped into a curtsy while greeting the parents of the groom, King Abdullah II and Queen Rania.</p> <p dir="ltr">The couple also reportedly had a lengthy chat with the King and Queen of Jordan.</p> <p dir="ltr">Following the ceremony, Prince William and Princess Kate warmly greeted the newlyweds with hugs and kisses on the cheeks.</p> <p dir="ltr">Princess Kate looked stunning in a pink maxi gown with long sleeves which she complimented with a pair of statement earrings and sparkly gold clutch.</p> <p dir="ltr">Prince William donned a dark blue suit which he complimented with a white dress shirt and light blue tie.</p> <p dir="ltr">The exclusive line up included Princess Beatrice and her husband, Edoardo, Denmark's Crown Princess Mary and Crown Prince Frederik, Sweden's Crown Princess Victoria and Prince Daniel, Norway's Crown Prince Haakon, King Willem-Alexander and Queen Maxima of the Netherlands, among others.</p> <p dir="ltr">The Prince and Princess of Wales have been close friends with Jordan's royal family for a while. In 2018, during his official visit to Jordan, Prince William spent time with Crown Prince Hussein, escorted him to the Roman ruins of Jerash and watched soccer together.</p> <p><em>Images: Royal Hashemite Court Handout / Youtube / Instagram</em></p>

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Ethical non-monogamy: what to know about these often misunderstood relationships

<p>Imagine Sarah and John have been in a <a href="https://www.queerlit.co.uk/products/rewriting-the-rules?_pos=1&amp;_sid=0287cd7c7&amp;_ss=r">monogamous relationship</a> for five years. Although they love each other, Sarah, who is bisexual, has recently started feeling an attraction to her coworker, Andrea. This has led to several sexual encounters, leaving Sarah feeling guilty. However, she has not talked to John about her feelings or experiences with Andrea.</p> <p>No matter how much you love your partner, it’s common to feel attracted to someone outside of a relationship. Some couples may even want sexual encounters with other people. It can be difficult to navigate these feelings, especially when they conflict with the commitment and promises made in the relationship. While the sex between Sarah and Andrea was consensual, Sarah engaged in non-consensual sex by stepping outside of her monogamous relationship without John’s consent.</p> <p>There is growing curiosity about ethical or consensual <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2022.101468">non-monogamous relationships</a>, particularly among young people. YouGov data found that 43% of millennial Americans say their <a href="https://today.yougov.com/topics/society/articles-reports/2020/01/31/millennials-monogamy-poly-poll-survey-data">ideal relationship</a> is non-monogamous, even if few are in such a relationship. And a survey commissioned by sex toy brand <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/throuples-restaurants-valentines-day-b2010151.html">Lelo</a>, found that 28% of aged 18 to 24 would consider an open relationship.</p> <p>What makes non-monogamy “ethical” is an emphasis on <a href="https://bettymartin.org/videos/">agreed, ongoing consent</a> and mutual respect. All parties involved are fully aware of the situation and voluntarily agree to participate. Partners are free to change their minds at any time and (re)negotiate boundaries that work for everyone involved. Ethical non-monogamy can take many forms, including <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8321986/">polyamory</a>, open relationships and <a href="https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1348/014466606X143153">swinging</a>.</p> <p>These relationships are often <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/epub/10.1177/01461672221139086">stigmatised</a> and misunderstood. They challenge the traditional notion of monogamy, which is commonly viewed in most western and religious societies as the only acceptable way of engaging in romantic relationships.</p> <p>Yet <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1948550619897157">research has shown</a> that consensual non-monogamy can have positive effects on relationships and the people in them. People in consensual non-monogamous relationships have <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1088868312467087?casa_token=We5Fp9hOPjQAAAAA:LI0m000j1SwvqGMbCVWekUcZ5z9DfqzuMmUtdIi59-OJiEZJ0_EjxlYq3pU6xcUZr5jIG9vlvXxztA">reported</a> higher levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction and greater <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/19419899.2011.631571">relational intimacy</a> than people in monogamous relationships.</p> <h2>Misconceptions and stigma</h2> <p>One <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s13178-021-00667-7">stigmatising view</a> is that people in non-monogamous relationships pose a greater risk to their partners’ sexual health. This is based on the assumption that having multiple sexual partners increases the likelihood of <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/282130422_A_Comparison_of_Sexual_Health_History_and_Practices_among_Monogamous_and_Consensually_Nonmonogamous_Sexual_Partners">sexually transmitted infections</a> (STIs).</p> <p>However, research shows that people in open and non-monogamous relationships have <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S174360951534008X?via%3Dihub">safer sex practices</a> than monogamous, but unfaithful partners. Ethical non-monogamy can be a safer outlet for sexual expression compared with monogamous relationships that have led to <a href="https://academic.oup.com/jsm/article-abstract/12/10/2022/6966715">cheating</a> where someone ends up passing an STI to their partner.</p> <p>In healthy relationships, partners recognise that each person has their own unique sexual preferences and <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s13178-021-00667-7">diverse needs</a>. For consensually non-monogamous partners, this means understanding that their primary relationship may not always fulfil all their sexual desires.</p> <p>Although jealousy can still exist within non-monogamous relationships, <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/1041794X.2018.1531916">research</a> has found that it can be more <a href="https://nsuworks.nova.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3297&amp;context=tqr">manageable</a> than in monogamous ones. This is because, in secure non-monogamous partnerships, there are open discussions about sexual attraction and setting boundaries, where partners can address jealousy anxiety.</p> <h2>Exploring non-monogamy</h2> <p>Ethical non-monogamy is not for everyone. You should only explore this type of relationship if it feels comfortable, you seek appropriate consent and the existing relationship is solid. Outsiders often hold the <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33990929/">stereotypical</a> view that people only engage in ENM if their current relationship is unstable.</p> <p>If you decide that it’s right for you, keep the following in mind.</p> <p><strong>1. Communicate openly</strong></p> <p>Communication is important in any relationship, but especially critical in ENM relationships. Partners must be transparent and honest about their intentions, feelings, expectations and boundaries. People in non-monogamous relationships need to be aware of their emotional boundaries and be prepared to navigate feelings of <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-018-1286-4">jealousy</a>.</p> <p><strong>2. Practice safe sex</strong></p> <p>Sexual health is key regardless of your relationship status or style. Get tested regularly for STIs and to use protection during sexual encounters to minimise the risk of transmission.</p> <p><strong>3. Stop shame</strong></p> <p>Managing stigma is one of the most difficult parts of an ENM relationship. When people are socialised to believe that having multiple partners is wrong or immoral, this can lead to feelings of shame and self-doubt. It is important to recognise that consensually non-monogamous and multipartnered relationships are a valid lifestyle choice. You can seek support from like-minded people or talk to a sex and relationship therapist if necessary.</p> <p>While non-monogamy is not everyone’s cup of tea, these tips can be helpful for any relationship. Ultimately, it is essential to keep communication, consent and respect at the heart of your partnership.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/ethical-non-monogamy-what-to-know-about-these-often-misunderstood-relationships-200785" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.</em></p>

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Nick Kyrgios' girlfriend speaks for the first time on engagement rumours

<p>Nick Kyrgios’ girlfriend Costeen Hatzi has given her first TV interview, appearing on<span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;"> Channel 7’s </span><em style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">The Morning Show</em><span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">, where she shared how she first the Aussie tennis star, and discussed a potential future engagement.</span></p> <p>Hatzi, 22, revealed that the pair's first encounter was less than conventional, linking back to a mirror she had advertised for sale online.</p> <p>“I used to have an online home decor business and I would sell mirrors and candles and vases,” she told <em>The Morning Show</em>.</p> <p>“I took a photo - like a mirror selfie - and I posted it to my business Instagram.”</p> <p>She explained that the photo had appeared on Kyrgios’ explore page on Instagram, which led him to track her down and meet her.</p> <p>“So he clicked on it and then messaged the business and was like, ‘Hey, can I buy this mirror?’”</p> <p>Hatzi said despite Kyrgios living in Melbourne, he was quick to offer to collect the mirror from Sydney in person.</p> <p>“He came to Sydney, he invited me out that night, so I went with a few friends,” she said.</p> <p>The business owner admitted she chose to bring friends along with her in case it went “badly”.</p> <p>“But, everything went well, it was so friendly, it was so nice - I didn’t really expect him to be so friendly and nice.”</p> <p>She went on to say that although she didn’t follow tennis at the time, she was aware of his “on-court behaviour and stuff” so she “was a bit skeptical”.</p> <p>“But we met up and then we spent every day with each other after that,” she said.</p> <p>Hatzi said her family was “a bit confused” when she shared she was going out for drinks with the tennis star.</p> <p>“I told my mum that he was picking up the mirror and she was like, ‘Oh does he just want the mirror or does he want to take you out?’” she said.</p> <p>It has been 18 months since the couple first met and they now live together and travel the world for Kyrgios’ many tennis commitments.</p> <p>“I can work while I’m travelling,” Hatzi said, explaining that focusing on her work and travelling combines well.</p> <p>“So I can film all my Instagram content on the road.</p> <p>“That kind of works well. We travelled together on tour last year and we’re going again this year.”</p> <p>Hatzi has her own exciting new venture as she is now a new face of Bondi Sands, which Kyrgios teased on social media could lead to his “early retirement”.</p> <p>“He’s really supportive, I’m really lucky to have him,” she said.</p> <p>Hatzi also touched on her boyfriend’s previous comments that she is “the one”.</p> <p>In February 2022, Kyrgios was asked by a fan if he knew Hatzi was the one when he first saw her, which he responded with “yes”.</p> <p>She smiled at the comment but revealed that the pair were not planning their engagement “yet”.</p> <p>“I mean, if it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t,” she said.</p> <p>“I’m just going with the flow and we’re happy and healthy and, yeah, that’s all that matters.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Instagram</em></p>

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The reasons why sibling relationships are so special

<p>The sibling relationship is often a love-hate affair from the get-go – they’re paradoxically our fiercest competitors and closest confidants. In his book, The Sibling Effect, Jeffrey Kluger discusses why sibling relationships are the most important ones in our lives. We’ve picked out Kluger’s most interesting observations about the bond between siblings.</p> <p><strong>The sibling relationships is unique</strong></p> <p>“Siblings are the only relatives, and perhaps the only people you’ll ever know, who are with you through the entire arc of your life. Your parents leave you too soon and your kids and spouse come along late, but your siblings know you when you are in your most inchoate form. Assuming you all reach a ripe old age, they'll be with you until the very end, and for that reason, there is an intimacy and a familiarity that can't possibly be available to you in any other relationship throughout your life. Certainly, people can get along without siblings. Single children do, and there are people who have irreparably estranged relationships with their siblings who live full and satisfying lives, but to have siblings and not make the most of that resource is squandering one of the greatest interpersonal resources you'll ever have.”</p> <p><strong>Siblings teach us important skills for life</strong></p> <p>“When you learn conflict-resolution skills in the playroom, you then practice them on the playground, and that in turn stays with you. If you have a combative sibling or a physically intimidating, older sibling, you learn a lot about how to deal with situations like that later in life. If you're an older sibling and you have a younger sibling who needs mentoring or is afraid of the dark, you develop nurturing and empathic skills that you wouldn't otherwise have.”</p> <p><strong>Sibling traits are the same across hundreds of species</strong></p> <p>“So many of the sibling dynamics we find in the home are replicated in the natural, non-human world, and so much of what I found is universal across several hundreds of species. When you get up to humans, we've embroidered and built on these dynamics in all kinds of elaborate ways, but human sibling relationships are deeply rooted into the evolutionary chain.”</p> <p><strong>Why sharing is so difficult between siblings</strong></p> <p>“With very young kids, when researchers look at what the causes of fights are, some 80 per cent of all fights in the playroom break out over property disputes...Parents shouldn't just roll their eyes, even though conflicts over sharing are so common, because property for a small child is a critical way of establishing authority and control over a world in which they have virtually no power.”</p> <p><strong>Conflict with parents can make sibling relationships stronger</strong></p> <p>“When your parents, who are the anchors you're counting on the most, are falling down on the job, siblings look to each other and find ways to pull together, because the last thing you can afford to see fractured at that point is the unit among yourselves.”</p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

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If you keep lying about these 10 things, your relationship is doomed

<h3>You say you’re available, but you’re not…legally</h3> <p>If you’re waiting for the ‘right time’ to tell the person you’re dating that you’re married, both of your relationships are probably doomed to failure. And typically, it doesn’t matter if you’re separated, planning to (someday) divorce, or none of the above. “Lying about availability for a relationship is devastating for partners who discover their significant other has been dishonest. Sometimes people lie, and say they are single when they are not, or they may lie about whether or not they have children. This is never fair to the person being lied to, or to the people being lied about,” says marriage and family therapist, Shadeen Francis. Francis recommends telling the truth about your external romantic, and familial relationships up front, before you get involved.</p> <h3>You say you’re available, but you’re not…emotionally</h3> <p>True emotional availability requires honesty, to both yourself, and your partner, Francis says. Pretending to be ready to take it to the next level, and then either stopping short, or self-sabotaging the relationship, can be confusing and heartbreaking. If you can’t figure out how to make your relationship grow, some honest soul-searching can help. Maybe you’re trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, and just don’t want to let the person go, even though you know you won’t go the distance together. It’s also possible that you’re hauling around some baggage that is making it hard for you to fully commit. If so, a therapist can help. Either way, be honest with your partner, so that they can make the right decision for their own life – either with you, or without you.</p> <h3>You’re not fessing up about your past</h3> <p>Relationships thrive on trust. That doesn’t mean you have to spill your guts about every skeleton in your closet on the first date, but letting someone in, over time, is imperative, if you want to have a relationship that can withstand the bad times that inevitably come to everyone. “Things you should never lie about include why your last relationship ended,” says therapist, Kimberly Hershenson. “It’s important for your partner to know what went wrong for you in the past, and if you’re still continuing the same behaviours. And, that includes cheating.”</p> <p>Hershenson also includes mental health issues in this list. “Knowing if you’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, or substance use is important, because it gives your partner information about potential triggers which might arise for you,” she adds.</p> <p>It’s also important to let your partner know if you’ve done jail time, declared bankruptcy, dropped out of school, or have any other deep, dark secret you’d rather not share. Chances are, once you fess up, you’ll feel a new freedom, and the kind of emotional vulnerability needed to be truly loved, and loving.</p> <h3>Money matters</h3> <p>“Combining finances takes a lot of trust, and that trust is betrayed in a really painful way when partners have hidden, or outright lied, about their ability to contribute to financial stability in their relationship,” Francis says. The money conversation is integral. Without it, you can’t realistically plan for a future together. The best way to tackle this conversation is head on, whether you have debt or wealth. It’s better to come clean, and come up with a pre-nup, or other financial plan, than to lie about your bank account.</p> <h3>You really want (or don’t want) kids</h3> <p>This is a biggie. If you know that your partner wants or doesn’t want kids and your desire is the exact opposite, you’ve got to fess up about it. “Sometimes, partners overtly tell untruths about their goals, wants, and needs, in order to be flexible. This form of dishonesty can create fear, resentment, and anxiety in a relationship. When a partner does not feel free to be himself/herself, this builds up frustration over time,” says clinical psychologist, Dr Carla Marie Manly.</p> <h3>You cheated</h3> <p>“One of the worst lies couples can tell each other has to do with the single most lethal relationship threat: The Other,” says Dr Wendy L. Patrick. “Lying about spending time with another person is a death knell to a relationship, and a lie partners should never tell,” she adds. Not only do they need to know for the health of your relationship but also for their physical health, as cheating puts the other partner at risk for STDs. This honesty policy applies to emotional affairs as well as physical affairs, she adds.</p> <h3>You’re not ill, and pretending to be</h3> <p>“Couples should always be honest with one another about health. Telling your partner you are sick, injured, or terminally ill when it isn’t true (yes, this happens) is cruel and manipulative,” says Francis. “These lies are often told in order to evoke pity or guilt, ultimately with the intent of being nurtured, or taken care of, more than is warranted,” she explains.</p> <p>Francis suggests thinking about your motives for this behaviour. “Ask yourself, why am I doing this? What am I hoping to gain? Am I being fair to the other person? If you are struggling to make these decisions, or find yourself telling similar lies in different relationships, recognise that this is a pattern of behaviour that can make you an unsafe person to partner with, which likely does not feel very good for you, either. Most people do not lie if they believe they have other options,” she adds.</p> <h3>You’re ill, and pretending not to be</h3> <p>Almost as bad a lie is hiding your failing health from your partner, Francis says. Many people do this to protect their significant other from the pain of dealing with a bad diagnosis, or from fear about the future. Either motive is ill-founded, according to Francis. Lying about an illness you have, even if it is terminal, robs your partner of the ability to support, and care for you, which may come back to haunt them and create guilt, later on. Whether you’re married or not, it’s ‘in sickness and in health,’ remember?</p> <h3>You’re pretending it’s OK with you, but it’s not – especially in bed</h3> <p>“Couples should never lie about anything that bothers them in the relationship, or any topic of significance,” says clinical social worker, Dr Marni Feuerman. Lying about your feelings can range from where you want to eat dinner, to sexual satisfaction. Pretending to enjoy a less than satisfactory sex life is bound to sabotage your relationship eventually. “Lying often becomes a slippery slope that becomes easier to do than telling the truth. Some people may also start to ‘compartmentalise,’ and the norm becomes to keep secrets about certain aspects of their life,” Dr Feuerman says. If you are lying about your sex life (or anything else), it’s time to get honest with your partner about your needs and desires.</p> <h3>It’s not me, it’s you</h3> <p>Your partner may feel that something is wrong and grasp at clues to try to figure out what it is. The lack of communication between the two of you may push them into behaviours such as spying, going through your wallet, or looking for information any way that they can find it. Lying, especially long-term, about any behaviour or action is wrong and unfair to your partner, Dr Feuerman says.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/if-you-keep-lying-about-these-10-things-your-relationship-is-doomed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. </em></p>

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