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If you keep lying about these 10 things, your relationship is doomed

<h3>You say you’re available, but you’re not…legally</h3> If you’re waiting for the ‘right time’ to tell the person you’re dating that you’re married, both of your relationships are probably doomed to failure. And typically, it doesn’t matter if you’re separated, planning to (someday) divorce, or none of the above. “Lying about availability for a relationship is devastating for partners who discover their significant other has been dishonest. Sometimes people lie, and say they are single when they are not, or they may lie about whether or not they have children. This is never fair to the person being lied to, or to the people being lied about,” says marriage and family therapist, Shadeen Francis. Francis recommends telling the truth about your external romantic, and familial relationships up front, before you get involved. <h3>You say you’re available, but you’re not…emotionally</h3> True emotional availability requires honesty, to both yourself, and your partner, Francis says. Pretending to be ready to take it to the next level, and then either stopping short, or self-sabotaging the relationship, can be confusing and heartbreaking. If you can’t figure out how to make your relationship grow, some honest soul-searching can help. Maybe you’re trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, and just don’t want to let the person go, even though you know you won’t go the distance together. It’s also possible that you’re hauling around some baggage that is making it hard for you to fully commit. If so, a therapist can help. Either way, be honest with your partner, so that they can make the right decision for their own life – either with you, or without you. <h3>You’re not fessing up about your past</h3> Relationships thrive on trust. That doesn’t mean you have to spill your guts about every skeleton in your closet on the first date, but letting someone in, over time, is imperative, if you want to have a relationship that can withstand the bad times that inevitably come to everyone. “Things you should never lie about include why your last relationship ended,” says therapist, Kimberly Hershenson. “It’s important for your partner to know what went wrong for you in the past, and if you’re still continuing the same behaviours. And, that includes cheating.” Hershenson also includes mental health issues in this list. “Knowing if you’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, or substance use is important, because it gives your partner information about potential triggers which might arise for you,” she adds. It’s also important to let your partner know if you’ve done jail time, declared bankruptcy, dropped out of school, or have any other deep, dark secret you’d rather not share. Chances are, once you fess up, you’ll feel a new freedom, and the kind of emotional vulnerability needed to be truly loved, and loving. <h3>Money matters</h3> “Combining finances takes a lot of trust, and that trust is betrayed in a really painful way when partners have hidden, or outright lied, about their ability to contribute to financial stability in their relationship,” Francis says. The money conversation is integral. Without it, you can’t realistically plan for a future together. The best way to tackle this conversation is head on, whether you have debt or wealth. It’s better to come clean, and come up with a pre-nup, or other financial plan, than to lie about your bank account. <h3>You really want (or don’t want) kids</h3> This is a biggie. If you know that your partner wants or doesn’t want kids and your desire is the exact opposite, you’ve got to fess up about it. “Sometimes, partners overtly tell untruths about their goals, wants, and needs, in order to be flexible. This form of dishonesty can create fear, resentment, and anxiety in a relationship. When a partner does not feel free to be himself/herself, this builds up frustration over time,” says clinical psychologist, Dr Carla Marie Manly. <h3>You cheated</h3> “One of the worst lies couples can tell each other has to do with the single most lethal relationship threat: The Other,” says Dr Wendy L. Patrick. “Lying about spending time with another person is a death knell to a relationship, and a lie partners should never tell,” she adds. Not only do they need to know for the health of your relationship but also for their physical health, as cheating puts the other partner at risk for STDs. This honesty policy applies to emotional affairs as well as physical affairs, she adds. <h3>You’re not ill, and pretending to be</h3> “Couples should always be honest with one another about health. Telling your partner you are sick, injured, or terminally ill when it isn’t true (yes, this happens) is cruel and manipulative,” says Francis. “These lies are often told in order to evoke pity or guilt, ultimately with the intent of being nurtured, or taken care of, more than is warranted,” she explains. Francis suggests thinking about your motives for this behaviour. “Ask yourself, why am I doing this? What am I hoping to gain? Am I being fair to the other person? If you are struggling to make these decisions, or find yourself telling similar lies in different relationships, recognise that this is a pattern of behaviour that can make you an unsafe person to partner with, which likely does not feel very good for you, either. Most people do not lie if they believe they have other options,” she adds. <h3>You’re ill, and pretending not to be</h3> Almost as bad a lie is hiding your failing health from your partner, Francis says. Many people do this to protect their significant other from the pain of dealing with a bad diagnosis, or from fear about the future. Either motive is ill-founded, according to Francis. Lying about an illness you have, even if it is terminal, robs your partner of the ability to support, and care for you, which may come back to haunt them and create guilt, later on. Whether you’re married or not, it’s ‘in sickness and in health,’ remember? <h3>You’re pretending it’s OK with you, but it’s not – especially in bed</h3> “Couples should never lie about anything that bothers them in the relationship, or any topic of significance,” says clinical social worker, Dr Marni Feuerman. Lying about your feelings can range from where you want to eat dinner, to sexual satisfaction. Pretending to enjoy a less than satisfactory sex life is bound to sabotage your relationship eventually. “Lying often becomes a slippery slope that becomes easier to do than telling the truth. Some people may also start to ‘compartmentalise,’ and the norm becomes to keep secrets about certain aspects of their life,” Dr Feuerman says. If you are lying about your sex life (or anything else), it’s time to get honest with your partner about your needs and desires. <h3>It’s not me, it’s you</h3> Your partner may feel that something is wrong and grasp at clues to try to figure out what it is. The lack of communication between the two of you may push them into behaviours such as spying, going through your wallet, or looking for information any way that they can find it. Lying, especially long-term, about any behaviour or action is wrong and unfair to your partner, Dr Feuerman says. Image credit: Shutterstock This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/if-you-keep-lying-about-these-10-things-your-relationship-is-doomed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>.

Relationships

William Tyrrell’s foster mother accused of lying

A senior detective has accused the foster mother of missing boy William Tyrrell of lying about his whereabouts. The woman, who cannot be named for legal reasons, appeared in Downing Centre Local Court, accused of lying to the NSW Crime Commission. The charges are not related to William Tyrell who went missing in 2014 from a home on the NSW mid-north coast in 2014. Instead, the woman is being questioned about whether or not she lied about hitting a child in her care with a wooden spoon. “I have formed the view (she) knows where William Tyrrell is,” Detective Sergeant Andrew Lonergan told the court, 7News reported. Her Barrister John Stratton SC said the police charged her for allegedly lying to “break her spirit”. “Our main objective is to find out where William Tyrrell is,” Lonergan responded. The court heard some audio recordings in which police allege the woman is hitting a child with a wooden spoon. The child can be heard threatening to call the police if the woman didn’t stop hitting them. A woman can be then heard telling the child to “stand up” three times. “Where’d you put the wooden spoon?” the court heard a woman on the recording say. The audio then plays some pleading, screaming and cries from a child before the woman allegedly tells the child to turn around and smacks them. An intercepted phone call later plays and the woman is telling her husband: “She’s still going on about it”. The hearing continues. Images: 7News

Legal

Meghan Markle denies lying to Oprah

Meghan Markle's half-sister Samantha has proceeded with legal action over what she claims are "false and malicious lies" about Meghan's fairytale "rags-to-royalty" story – in particular a comment the Duchess made in her infamous Oprah Winfrey interview that she "grew up as an only child". A defamation court has now heard that Meghan Markle has denied this comment constitutes a lie, insisting instead that it was a subjective statement regarding her feelings, rather than any kind of “objective fact” . Samantha is suing Meghan over both the TV interview special with Winfrey and the Finding Freedom biography, claiming that she was subjected to "humiliation, shame and hatred on a worldwide scale". She is seeking $75,000 ($108,000 AUD) in damages. Meanwhile, Meghan's legal team has moved to dismiss the case, stating: "Plaintiff [Samantha] first asserts that she can disprove that Meghan 'grew up as an only child'. "But this perception is inherently unfalsifiable. It is hard to imagine a more personal and subjective feeling than how one views their own childhood. "Moreover, Plaintiff's opposition completely ignores the context of the statement, where Ms Winfrey asked Meghan about her 'relationship' with Plaintiff (to whom Ms Winfrey referred as her 'half-sister on her father's side'). "Meghan's response to that question that she 'grew up as an only child' was obviously not meant to be a statement of objective fact that she had no genetic siblings or half-siblings.” "Rather, it was a textbook example of a subjective statement about how a person feels about her childhood." Further, they argue that Meghan can't be sued over contents of the book Finding Freedom because she did not write it. The duchess's legal team is calling for the case to be dismissed and for "attorneys' fees, costs and other relief" to be paid. Image: Getty

Legal

Michael Schumacher’s family accused of lying about star’s condition

Michael Schumacher's family have been accused of lying about the F1 star’s condition following a scary brain injury incident. The F1 champion’s health has been closely monitored following a terrifying skiing accident at a French resort of Meribel in December 2013. His wife and family have been keeping his condition under wraps as he recovers at their home in Switzerland. However, Schumacher's former manager Willi Weber, 80, has accused the family of preventing him from visiting and speaking to the star since the incident. Weber has spoken to Schumacher's wife Corinna and close friend Jean Todt who repeatedly told him that “it’s too early” and to just “wait”. “I tried hundreds of times to contact Corinna and she didn't answer," he told La Gazzetta dello Sport. "I called Jean Todt to ask him if I should go to the hospital and he told me to wait – it's too early. "I called the next day and no one answered. I didn't expect behaviour like that and I'm still angry about it. They kept me out, telling me it's too early, well now it's too late. It's been nine years. Maybe they should just say it the way it is. "I could understand the situation initially as I always did everything I could for Michael to protect his private life. But since then we have only heard lies from them." Corrina appeared in the Netflix documentary SCHUMACHER, and spoke about wanting to protect her family after her husband’s incident. “Michael is here. Different, but he's here, and that gives us strength, I find," she said. "We're together. We live together at home. We do therapy. We do everything we can to make Michael better and to make sure he's comfortable. And to simply make him feel our family, our bond. "And no matter what, I will do everything I can. We all will. "We're trying to carry on as a family, the way Michael liked it and still does. And we are getting on with our lives.” Image: Getty

Caring

7 clues anyone can use to spot a liar

Is their face giving it away? You may think a smile can easily disguise your true feelings, but the expressions that flash across a liar’s face will give away what they are really thinking – whether they know it or not. Experts advise paying close attention to hard-to-hide micro-expressions; these clues are often so difficult to detect that even trained experts have trouble discerning them. But you may be able to spot a liar by the red colour on their cheeks since anxiety can cause people to blush. Other ways to tell if someone is lying? Flared nostrils, lip nibbling, deep breathing and rapid blinking, which hint that the brain is working overtime. Does the body language follow the story? It’s more important to examine a person’s entire demeanour, as there’s no one feature that’s apt to give away how to spot a liar. Honesty is characterised by features that are in sync with one another – so besides posture, note the fit between face, body, voice and speech. Like an animal avoiding detection, a liar may pull his arms and legs inward or keep his movements to a minimum – anything to appear smaller. Liars often shove their hands behind their back because those fidgety digits might give them away. How is ther person smiling? How to tell if someone is lying could come down to something as simple as a smile. A bright grin can sometimes mask a person’s true feelings. Pay close attention to how a person smiles as well as other facial movements. You may be able to detect the emotions he or she is trying to hide – such as fear, anger and disgust. A true smile will incorporate both a person’s lips and eyes. How is the person speaking? Although a change in voice can be the tip-off in how to spot a liar, experts say that to be sure, you should also pay attention to a person’s speech rate and breathing pattern – if it either speeds up or slows down, chances are you’re not hearing the whole truth. What is the person saying? Here’s how to tell if someone is lying; listen to their choice of words. Liars tend to avoid exclusionary words like “but,” “nor,” “except,” and “whereas,” because they have trouble with complex thought processes. Also, they are less likely to use the words “I,” “me,” and “mine.” In their attempts to distance themselves psychologically from their tall tales, liars will tend to communicate using fewer personal pronouns. Is your subject behaving uncharacteristically? Experts believe changes in a person’s baseline – how they generally conduct themselves – are worthy of your attention for how to spot a liar. You should weigh the rate of speech, the tone of voice, posture and hand gestures against what you know, along with the context of the situation. When your husband says “I loved the tie you bought me” while he’s wearing a tight smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, expect to see him in a turtleneck. Is the question simple or embarrassing? It’s normal for someone to look away when asked a difficult question. But when someone avoids your gaze when asked a simple question, you should be suspicious. This article first appeared in <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/7-clues-anyone-can-use-to-spot-a-liar" target="_blank">Reader’s Digest</a>. For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, <a rel="noopener" href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&utm_medium=articles&utm_campaign=RDSUB&keycode=WRA87V" target="_blank">here’s our best subscription offer.</a> Image: Getty Images <img style="width: 100px !important; height: 100px !important;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7820640/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f30947086c8e47b89cb076eb5bb9b3e2" />

Mind

Ben Roberts-Smith’s ex-wife ‘caught lying under oath,’ court told

Ben Roberts-Smith’s lawyers have told a court they have ‘proof’ his former wife, Emma Roberts, was lying about a crucial matter in his high-profile defamation case The former elite soldier is suing Nine newspapers for defamation over a series of articles alleging he committed war crimes in Afghanistan and domestic violence – all of which he denies. But Roberts-Smith is also suing his former wife in a separate case. Roberts-Smith claims his ex-wife released his private communications to Nine ahead of the defamation trial. Ms Roberts, in sworn affidavits, denied she had given her friend Danielle Scott access to the email accounts and leaked emails. But the SAS veteran‘s legal team this week told the Federal Court they had objective proof that was a lie. “The only person who had access to that (Roberts-Smith) email was an email address associated with Ms Danielle Scott or her husband,” the soldier’s barrister Arthur Moses SC said on Wednesday. “(Ms Roberts) has been caught out lying on the objective evidence,” he added. Mr Moses said Telstra and website records showed the email address from the Scotts was used to access the soldier’s email at least 101 times. This allowed Nine to become “armed” with “private and confidential” information for their defamation defence, Moses said. The court may now bring Ms Roberts in for questioning Moses told the court Ms Roberts may now be brought into court for examination. Ms Roberts’ own lawyer acknowledged there was evidence Scott had accessed the email but said there was no proof Ms Roberts had given Scott access. Further, her lawyer Jason Murakami told the court that Roberts-Smith had never been able to show what information had been leaked to Nine. “Never once has (Roberts-Smith) been able to refer the court to the confidential information he says he’s trying to protect,” Murakami said on Wednesday. The lifelong friendship between Scott and Ms Roberts has been an enduring front in the legal battle after it emerged Ms Roberts would testify against her former husband. Nine accused Roberts-Smith of burying USBs containing important evidence in the backyard of his matrimonial home and returning to collect them after separating from his wife. Last month the courts were shown images of what appeared to be freshly disturbed earth at the Roberts-Smith Queensland home. The court was told Scott and Ms Roberts had dug up the USBs and copied their contents. Text messages between Scott and Ms Roberts have also been aired in court showing intimate discussions of Roberts-Smith’s relationship with another woman. The SAS veteran denies it was an affair, insisting he struck up the chaotic relationship with the woman as his marriage quietly disintegrated in 2017. Nine claims Roberts-Smith pressured his wife to lie about the time they separated to protect his public image. The defamation trial is expected to resume in November after being delayed because of Sydney’s COVID outbreak. Image: Getty Images

News

Linda Reynolds faces defamation lawsuit for “lying cow” comment

Lawyers for Brittany Higgins have revealed they’ve served letters threatening to sue Linda Reynolds for defamation after she called Higgins a “lying cow.” The Defence Minister reportedly made the slur against Higgins on February 15 after she alleged that she was sexually assaulted in the minister’s office in March 2019. Higgins’ lawyers reportedly intend to sue Reynolds for “hurt and distress” caused by “malicious remarks”, unless the minister goes forward with a full public apology. Lawyers for Higgins accuse the Senator of making a “demeaning and belittling” statement that was “highly defamatory”. “The cavalier manner in which those words were spoken make it plain that they were not spoken privately or in confidence,” the letter has stated. “You are also aware that this distasteful character assassination of our client has been republished widely, causing her immense hurt and distress. “Our client is appalled that an apology has not been extended to her.” Prime Minister Scott Morrison said on Thursday that Reynolds “deeply regretted” making the remarks. <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CLnVhHNpon2/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="13"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CLnVhHNpon2/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by mUMPIRE (@mumpire_au)</a> </div> </blockquote> He said she had let the comment pass I her private office to staff members after “a stressful week”. “That doesn’t excuse it, not for a second,” he said. “And she made the appropriate apologies to her staff and rectified that.” Morrison said the comment came after articles stated that Higgins didn’t feel supported by the government following her alleged rape. “She was not making those comments, as she said to me this morning, in relation to the allegation of sexual assault,” he said. “Her comments, she said to me, related to the further commentary about levels of support provided and her frustrations about how she felt that they were doing everything they believed in their power to provide support. <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CImyxy_De3Y/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="13"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CImyxy_De3Y/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Senator Linda Reynolds (@lindakreynolds1)</a> </div> </blockquote> “Clearly, over a period of time, there was a very different view about that.” Senator Jacqui Lambie said on Thursday that Reynolds’ career was “done.” “She will have to come out and she’ll either have to defend herself or say whether or not she made those comments,” Lambie said to Sky News. “If she did, she’ll have to resign at the same time. “I think Reynolds is gone. “If she’s not coming out and denying that and now she’s trying to smooth it over … her career is done.” If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault, family or domestic violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit 1800RESPECT.org.au.

Legal

Postman's disgusting act after finding elderly woman lying in the snow

<div class="post_body_wrapper"> <div class="post_body"> <div class="body_text redactor-styles redactor-in"> Distressing footage has emerged of the moment a postman appears to leave an elderly woman lying on the frozen ground after she had fallen outside of her home. Captured on the neighbour's doorbell camera, the interaction shows 72-year-old grandmother of two Patricia Stewart and the Royal Mail employee as he was delivering a package in Bainsford, Scotland, on Thursday. Stewart was lying on the path in the snow when the postman arrived. In the footage, shared by her niece Sheryl Harkins, Steward can he heard asking the postman for help, before he says: “I can’t help pal, I’m knackered”, and walks away. Thankfully, the grandmother did not face any serious injuries. Harkins says another delivery worker arrived a short time later and called the neighbours for help. “Thank goodness for that girl because this could have been a very different situation if she hadn’t turned up when she did,” she wrote. “I honestly don’t have the words for how disgusting this is, for a human being to treat another human being in this manner. “Words fail me.” A Royal Mail area manager has since apologised to Stewart for the incident. “Royal Mail expects the highest standards of behaviour from our people while out on deliveries and collections at all times,” a spokesperson told local media. “We regularly remind our postmen and postwomen of the important role they play in their local communities. “We were very sorry to learn about this incident, and for the distress this incident has caused. “We are in touch with the customer concerned and will be investigating this incident.” </div> </div> </div> <div class="post-action-bar-component-wrapper"> <div class="post-actions-component"> <div class="upper-row"></div> </div> </div>

Legal

Police accused of lying about use of “ineffective” facial recognition software

An <a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahryan/clearview-ai-australia-police">online tech news source</a> recently ran a story detailing a data breach at controversial facial recognition company Clearview AI, which exposed its entire client list. According to the report, the list includes four Australian police organisations, comprising the Queensland Police Service, Victoria Police, South Australia Police and the Australian Federal Police. The leaked client list suggests that police officers have used the highly inaccurate technology in an attempt to ‘identify’ around 1000 suspects in Australia – a process which has been <a href="https://www.sydneycriminallawyers.com.au/blog/queenslands-facial-recognition-regime-a-complete-failure/">proven over and over again</a> to lead to <a href="https://www.sydneycriminallawyers.com.au/blog/facial-recognition-database-could-lead-to-wrongful-arrests/">the false identification and arrest of innocent persons</a>. Indeed, a previous trial of facial recognition technology in Queensland was ruled a ‘<a href="https://www.sydneycriminallawyers.com.au/blog/queenslands-facial-recognition-regime-a-complete-failure/">complete failure</a>’ – with the software misidentifying people the ‘vast majority’ of cases – and a trial in the United Kingdom in 2016/17 got it wrong in 98% of cases. Police had previously denied using the Clearview AI software and, despite the leak, have continued to do so – with the South Australian Police Force issuing a statement which asserts that its officers have not been using it. Queensland has been slightly more forthcoming, saying that facial recognition technology is one of ‘many capabilities’ available to its officers. Victoria Police claims the software has not been used in any ‘official capacity’, which begs the question as to why police organisations would spend large amounts of taxpayer dollars on purchase and licensing. The AFP has remained silent. Clearview AI’s programme has attracted an enormous amount of controversy worldwide, being variously labelled as ‘ineffective’, ‘wasteful’, a ‘gross breach of privacy’ and a ‘honeypot for hackers’. The Clearview database contains billions of images amassed from sources such as Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and other public websites, and the application of the software has the potential to lead to wrongful arrests, whereby innocent persons are wrongly matched to suspected offenders. The reports regarding the leaked client list have heightened concerns that ill-intentioned hackers will gain access to a wealth of private information and use it to engage in criminal conduct such as <a href="https://www.sydneycriminallawyers.com.au/blog/the-rising-cost-of-identity-crime-in-australia/">identity theft</a>. Privacy laws Under current Australian privacy laws, biometric information, that is your face, fingerprints, eyes, palm, and voice is considered sensitive information. The <a href="https://www.legislation.gov.au/Details/C2014C00076">Privacy Act 1988</a> (Cth) makes clear that any organisation or agency collecting this ‘sensitive’ information must first obtain consent to do so. However, there are exceptions to this general rule including where the information is “necessary” to prevent a serious threat to the life, health or safety of any individual. It’s an exception many believe has been exploited by law enforcement agencies, with legal commentators suggesting it is not broad enough to encompass all of the conduct that police have been engaging in. National surveillance Red flags were raised last year when the Federal Government announced plans to <a href="https://www.sydneycriminallawyers.com.au/blog/australias-future-is-nationwide-facial-recognition-surveillance/">create a national facial recognition database</a> by collecting photos from drivers’ licences and passports. The government justified the implementation of the database, by saying that it would both help to combat identity theft <a href="https://www.sydneycriminallawyers.com.au/blog/the-rising-cost-of-identity-crime-in-australia/">(which is on the rise)</a> as well as be a useful tool for protecting national security, because the database would be made available to law enforcement agencies too. The legislation presently before parliament allows both government agencies and private businesses to access facial IDs held by state and territory traffic authorities, and passport photos held by the foreign affairs department. The legislation is currently stalled because of concerns about privacy implications and lack of safeguards in the proposed law. But most state and territory governments have already updated their driver’s licence laws in anticipation of the database after an agreement at the Council of Australian Governments in October 2017. If you’re applying for, or renewing a passport, then you are required to sign a consent form. Facial recognition AI is unreliable One of the most significant concerns is that AI technology is still unreliable – the benefits don’t outweigh the massive intrusion into our personal privacy. Plus, there are inherent problems with the current technology. False positives are a major issue. In 2016 and 2017, London’s Metropolitan Police used automated facial recognition in trials and reported that more than 98% of cases, innocent members of the public were matched to suspected criminals. Despite these concerns, the Home Affairs Department is impatient to implement the technology and says that facial recognition experts (humans) will work with the technology to provide more accurate outcomes. But that’s of cold comfort to anyone concerned about their privacy. <a href="https://www.sydneycriminallawyers.com.au/blog/welcome-to-1984-the-governments-relentless-assault-on-democracy/">Because, as is already the case in China</a>, facial recognition can be used for mass surveillance. And, we’ve already seen many examples of how data breaches can occur even with appropriate legislation in place. Data breaches in government departments Last year, information came to light showing that <a href="https://www.sydneycriminallawyers.com.au/blog/dozens-of-breaches-of-the-my-health-record-database-have-already-been-recorded/">data breaches of the My Health Record</a> database rose from 35 to 42 in the past financial year, despite consistent claims by the federal government that the database is safe and secure, and that the privacy of those who choose not to opt out is protected. In 2018, the South Australian government was forced to shut down guest access to its online land titles registry, after an unidentified overseas ‘guest user’ was able to download the personal details of more than a million Australian home owners, information that could potentially be used to develop a false identity. Police forces and other government organisations have repeatedly failed to <a href="https://www.sydneycriminallawyers.com.au/blog/police-officers-misuse-private-information-for-personal-gain/">properly secure confidential information</a> of members of the public, and some rogue police officers have <a href="https://www.sydneycriminallawyers.com.au/blog/police-officer-jokes-about-giving-victims-address-to-abusive-partner/">broken the law by releasing sensitive information</a>, putting vulnerable individuals in danger. Right now, the fact that Australian police forces exist on Clearview AI’s client list, and they’re not forthcoming about it should also set alarm bells ringing for all Australians. The Office of the Australian Information Commissioner (OAIC) has launched an inquiry into whether the software is being employed in Australia, or if its database contains information on Australians. The commission’s final report will no doubt reveal all. Written by Sonia Hickey. Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.sydneycriminallawyers.com.au/blog/police-accused-of-lying-about-use-of-ineffective-facial-recognition-software/">Sydney Criminal Lawyers.</a>

Art

“You’re lying”: Fury over “secret deal” between PM and Jacqui Lambie

The Prime Minister has denied making a “secret deal” with Jacqui Lambie in order to repeal the controversial medevac bill. The bill allowed asylum seekers being held in offshore detention to be moved to Australia for medical treatment if a doctor deemed it necessary. Lambie tearfully announced in Parliament that she would support the repeal. "We've worked to an outcome I believe we both want, which is an outcome that our borders are secure, the boats have stopped and sick people aren't dying waiting for treatment," she said. However, she “can’t discuss” what went into the proposal as there are “national security concerns”. "I can't let the boats start back up and I can't let refugees die, whether it's sinking into the ocean or waiting for a doctor and I am voting to make sure that neither of these things happen,” Lambie continued. Just before the vote, which passed by a narrow 37 to 35 votes, Government Senate leader Mathias Cormann and Lambie were unable to agree what was said. Cormann told parliament that there was no deal but Lambie said that there was. The statement she gave in Parliament is a direct contradiction to the remarks made by the Prime Minister when he spoke to reporters in Canberra. A reporter asked Scott Morrison what the condition was for Jacqui Lambie’s approval, but Morrison refused to say. "I'm not sure what you are referring to in relation to her statements. I have the statements in front of me and I don't read that in her statements at all,” he said. Another reporter asked what proposal Lambie and the government had worked to advance, but Morrison had an answer for that as well. "It means she is happy with the government's policies and the bill that was presented to the Senate, and she voted for it," Mr Morrison said this afternoon, according to <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.9news.com.au/national/medevac-repeal-jacqui-lambie-secret-deal-with-coalition-says-labor-politics-news/58c88648-6284-4f41-9880-b47c66ab2471" target="_blank">9News</a>. It was <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.afr.com/politics/federal/government-lambie-repeal-medevac-secret-deal-alleged-20191204-p53gms" target="_blank">previously reported </a>that Lambie wanted the government to accept an offer from New Zealand to take 150 people who were permanently detained on Manus Island and Nauru to the nation. However, Morrison has rejected this. Labor and the Greens want the details of the “secret deal” to be known to the public. "There's some arrangement that the government has entered into with Senator Lambie that, through the course of this debate, the Australian people will not be made aware of,'' Greens leader Richard Di Natale said. "We won't know what has been decided in secret. That is not the way a parliament works. It's not the way a government should work." Labor’s Senate leader Penny Wong agreed. "At the moment we have Cabinet ministers in here like lemmings to vote for a bill on a deal you haven't seen," Senator Wong said. "Members of the Cabinet of Australia are coming in to vote on a deal that's been done with Senator Jacqui Lambie, that they don't even know about.”

News

How doctors know you're lying about how much you drink

It seems "Trust me, I'm a doctor" doesn't cut both ways. New research has found that 71 per cent of GPs think their patients, when asked about how much alcohol they drink, are economical with the truth. As someone who worked as a doctor for six years, to say we all think you're a bunch of liars with a can of petrol-strength lager hidden in every pocket is something of a misrepresentation. It's more that it's medically important that we know how much you're actually drinking, rather than how much you tell us you are. It's strange, perhaps, in a culture where the ability to down more beers than you can count on two hands is a badge of honour (or even a vote-winner, as William Hague apparently thought in 2000), that boozy pride tends to evaporate as soon as you walk into the waiting room. But we know you're embarrassed by it, and that you guilt-trip yourself over those six glasses of rosé you knocked back at the weekend. We know you don't really tot up every drink, or remember the recommended limits, and we know how easy it is to underestimate. We get it – just like people upgrade their CVs to make that summer job in Starbucks seem like they were running the company single-handedly. We're good at reading people; we meet a lot of you, often for very short periods of time, and we're not accusing you of lying. <div class="sics-component__ad-space sics-component__ad-space--storybody "> But sometimes it's crucial, life-saving, even, that we don't take everything we're told at face value. So don't make our lives harder than they have to be. Being straight with us about the little things saves us all time and lets us get to the heart of the matter. Rest assured, you won't be the person who drinks the most in that morning's clinic – and that includes the doctor. Doctors are human, and we totally get it. Don't forget, once we clock off we don't just go sit in a cupboard and recharge our batteries for the next day – sometimes we're the ones getting overly rosé-happy on a Friday night. We have lives, and families, and we know how scary it is to be a patient. Sometimes, we are the patients. We also make poor decisions, say the wrong things when we're stressed and get embarrassed. Don't underestimate the relief that comes from being open about your issues: the truth feels good once it's out there, so let's say it how it is. Written by Adam Kay. Republished by permission of <a href="https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/well-good/106276454/trust-me-doctors-know-youre-lying">Stuff.co.nz.</a> </div> <div class="sics-component__ad-space sics-component__ad-space--storybody "></div>

Body

8 signs you are being lied to

Did you know that 60 per cent of people lie at least <a href="http://mentalfloss.com/article/30609/60-people-cant-go-10-minutes-without-lying" target="_blank">once every ten minutes</a>? The statistic might seem unbelievable at first but when you think about all the little fibs you might tell on a daily basis (“the bus was late”, “I’ve read that book”, “No, it’s fine, I don’t need milk in my coffee”) it really starts to add up! The reasons why might tell a lie, big or small, are complex but often relate to us wanting to paint a better picture of ourselves to others. How can you tell if you’re being lied to? The experts have the following tips. <ol> <li>Liars refer to themselves less when telling a story/anecdote so that they can distance themselves from the deceptive statement.</li> <li>Liars tend to put a more negative spin on things because on a subconscious level, they feel guilty that they are lying.</li> <li>Liars will often over simply a situation to prevent a future slip up.</li> <li>Liars use long sentences and often ‘pad out’ their stories with irrelevant facts.</li> <li>Facial expression can sometimes give the game away when someone is lying. Scowling, grimacing or looking uncomfortable are all common signs of someone telling a fib.</li> <li>Liars often look you straight in the eye as it’s a rehearsed mechanism.</li> <li>They trip over their words in their eagerness to ‘get the story out.’</li> <li>Liars often touch their face and hair a lot which can be used as a distraction to the listener.</li> </ol> Can you tell when someone is telling a fib? Let us know in the comments below. Related links: <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/07/the-signs-of-emotional-manipulation/">How to tell if someone is trying to manipulate you</a> <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/06/expert-tips-to-dealing-with-rejection/">6 expert tips to dealing with rejection</a> <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/07/5-ways-to-detoxify-from-a-dysfunctional-relationship/">5 ways to detoxify from a dysfunctional relationship</a>

Relationships

Why dogs turn around in circles before lying down

Bondi Vet’s much loved veterinarian, Dr Chris Brown reveals the reason why dogs turn around in circles so much before they lie down. It seems like everyone has a pre-sleep routine. While the human version might include brushing your teeth or reading a book, the hairiest member of your family does something quite special. They spin around in circles before lying down. But have you ever wondered why? Well, it's taken until 2016 to find out. The 'bed circles' were previously thought to be an instinctive call-back to a time where dogs needed to search around their sleep spot for predators. But researchers now believe that it's got more to do with ensuring a smoother sleep. Basically, dogs are spinning as a way of making their bed more comfortable. Thousands of years of sleeping in long grass taught them that circling is the best way to make a smooth, flattened 'nest'. And while their lives have become a lot more luxurious of late, this behaviour still remains when they take a lie down in your lounge room. I guess now everyone can rest easy... Want to test the theory? Try putting a toy or ball UNDER their bed. Chances are when they climb in, they'll spin even more in an attempt to 'iron-out' the bump... For more tips on your pets, follow Dr Chris Brown on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/dcbpets/?fref=ts" target="_blank">Facebook here.</a> Related links: <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/09/infographic-explains-cat-behaviour/">Infographic explains cat behaviour</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/09/15-pet-faces-too-cute-to-stay-mad-at/">15 pet faces too cute to stay mad at</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/08/why-you-shouldnt-kiss-your-dog/">Why you shouldn't kiss your dog</a>

Family & Pets

Is it ever okay for children to lie?

A lie, as we know, is intentionally trying to deceive another person by saying something that isn't true. And at around age three, children understand the concept of lies – and can tell porky pies themselves. By middle childhood, their lies become more sophisticated and sound much more believable. As children become older, they can distinguish between different types of lies, such as those that are about being polite or protecting someone else. So children lie, and they lie in many different ways. It's clear that children learn to lie, and the older they get, the more successfully they learn to cover up the truth. They lie to: <ul> <li>Avoid getting in trouble: "I didn't do that drawing on the wall." </li> <li>Get something they want: "Mum said I could have cake."</li> <li>Avoid having to do something: "But the dog spilled that milk, he should have to clean it up!"</li> <li>Blame others: "Jack hit me first."</li> <li>Protect themselves from embarrassment: "My (imaginary) friend had a toilet accident."</li> <li>Protect someone else from embarrassment: "But Georgia doesn't know how to put mud on the cat."</li> <li>Exaggerate when playing: "My friend Olivia said that I could stay at her house for the weekend."</li> <li>Be polite about something they do or don't like: "Dad said I can't eat green things."</li> </ul> So is telling lies okay? According to research conducted with almost 200 parents of children aged 3½ to 6, it all depends. The researchers were interested in two questions: Do parents believe that there are some situations where lying is acceptable? If so, do parents teach this to their young children? Promoting honesty within your family, encouraging cooperation and using humour can often be good ways to discourage bad habits. In all, parents admitted that there are times when it is okay to lie. They nominated lies that are about protecting others as being the most acceptable. But parents weren't actively teaching this to their young children – instead, they were teaching their children that lying is unacceptable and that they should always tell the truth. So if a child was caught lying, the parent would discuss why it was unacceptable and why it's important to tell the truth. Basically, there was a difference between what parents believed and what they taught their children. There were also times when parents were undermining their own message. They either told lies themselves in front of the children, or they asked their children to fib (such as "Don't tell Mum we had takeaway tonight"). If parents did teach their young children that it is sometimes okay to stretch the truth, then those children were more likely to tell lies than those who were taught that it's never acceptable. In this study, the children lied on average 9.44 times over two weeks. It's clear that children learn to lie, and the older they get, the more successfully they learn to cover up the truth. Promoting honesty within your family, encouraging cooperation and using humour can often be good ways to discourage bad habits. Guiding your child's behaviour, rather than labelling them as a liar, is also a way to encourage truth telling at a young age. As children get older, you can have more conversations about the difference between intentional untruths that are dishonest and little white lies that are socially acceptable. Written by Jodie Benveniste. First appeared on <a href="http://Stuff.co.nz" target="_blank">Stuff.co.nz.</a> Related links: <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/07/14-photos-that-prove-every-child-needs-a-sibling/">14 photos that prove every child needs a sibling</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/06/expert-tips-for-connecting-with-your-grandchildren/">5 expert tips for connecting with your grandchildren</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/07/top-tips-for-protecting-children/">Top 10 useful tips for protecting your grandchildren</a>

Family & Pets

How to tell if someone is lying

We all like to think that we are good judges of character. We think we can tell when someone is being genuine or when they’re trying to pull the wool over our eyes. But can we really? Here are five ways to catch out a liar. 1. Ask more questions Lying is hard. It’s much harder than telling the truth. The liar must keep all the facts in their story straight, rather than just recounting a genuine memory. The brain is working overtime or, to use the technical term, has an increased cognitive load. To catch out a liar, you want to increase their cognitive load and make their brain work even harder – then it becomes more likely that they will slip up. Ask them questions, get them to elaborate on a point, ask for clarification on a detail. The more they have to think up on the spot, the more likely they will make a mistake and you’ll expose a hole in their story. 2. Listen for repeats Lies will tend to be repetitive. The liar will repeat aspects of the story over and over again in an attempt to convince you they are true and drill them into your memory. Very often the phrases they repeat the most will absolve themselves of any responsibility – watch out for repeated instances of “I didn’t”, “I wasn’t there” or “I don’t know”. 3. The devil is in (too much) detail In an attempt to create a plausible story, liars will often create elaborate tales that are overflowing with details. They are trying to compensate for the fact that the story is untrue by creating as many specific details as they can. If someone tells you a long, involved story when you haven’t requested it, be on your guard. 4. Watch your emotions It can be easy to get caught up in the story of a liar. They will try to appeal to your emotions, rather than your logic. They may try to elicit sympathy by telling you a sad tale or get you excited about a new plan you could be involved in. When you let your emotions take over you pay less attention to the details and instead get caught up in the general mood. When someone is trying to manipulate our feelings with a lie, it is dangerous to trust your emotions. Stay cool and stay objective. Think logically about what is being said and don’t get swept away by an appealing lie. 5. Focus on the physical Liars can be caught out by much more than the words that they say. There are a number of physical signs that can give people away. If this is someone that you know well, see if their overall tone or demeanour appears different. Deliberately lying generally makes people uncomfortable, so they may unintentionally change their manner. Lying also makes people nervous, so watch for fidgeting or fussing, fiddling with the hair or gestures that seem forced. People may cover their mouth, a subconscious move that indicates they know they shouldn’t be speaking. A liar can also become unreasonably aggressive or confrontational when questioned – hostile gestures or finger pointing can be a give away. Related links: <a href="/health/mind/2016/04/why-venting-can-make-you-more-mad/">Why venting can make you more mad</a> <a href="/health/mind/2016/03/surprising-way-you-can-tell-someone-is-lying/">Surprising way to tell if someone’s lying</a> <a href="/health/mind/2016/03/could-stress-be-good-for-us/">Could stress actually be good for us?</a>

Mind

Surprising way to tell if someone’s lying

You might think how much eye contact someone is making or how much they’re fidgeting are the big tell-tale signs that someone is lying to you, but according to Harvard Business School professor and psychologist, Amy Cuddy, there is actually no one cue that's a giveaway for lying. In her book Presence, the psychologist says there’s no point looking or waiting for the one big “reveal” (or the “Aha, I knew you were lying!” moment) if you want to catch out a lie. Instead, the best way to spot lies is to look for differences and discrepancies across all channels of communication, such as facial expressions, posture, and speech. "Lying is hard work," Cuddy says. "We're telling one story while suppressing another, and if that's not complicated enough, most of us are experiencing psychological guilt about doing this, which we're also trying suppress. We just don't have the brainpower to manage it all without letting something go – without ‘leaking.’" To spot a liar, you need to catch these “leaks”, and the best way to do that is to look for differences between what people are saying and what they are doing. Cuddy says to look for conflicting emotions such as a happy tone but an agitated facial expression. That is often more telling than if someone isn’t looking into your eyes. But before you go accusing people of dishonesty, remember that people are generally awful at spotting lies. According to Cuddy, most people identify lies only slightly better than someone guessing. Why? People focus too much on what people are saying, and not enough on both their actions and the content of speech. "When we're consciously looking for signs of deception or truth, we pay too much attention to words and not enough to the nonverbal gestalt of what's going on," Cuddy says. "Truth reveals itself more clearly through actions than it does through our words." Related links: <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2015/12/ways-to-make-today-great/">10 sure-fire ways to make today a great day</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2015/12/some-material-things-proven-to-make-you-happy/">The material things proven to make you happy</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2015/12/positive-thinking-and-mental-health/">Can positive thinking improve your mental health?</a>

Mind

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If you keep lying about these 10 things, your relationship is doomed