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Why don’t Australians talk about their salaries? Pay transparency and fairness go hand-in-hand

<div class="theconversation-article-body"> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/carol-t-kulik-150471">Carol T Kulik</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-south-australia-1180">University of South Australia</a></em></p> <p>In Australia, it’s not the done thing to know – let alone ask – what our colleagues are paid. Yet, it’s easy to see how pay transparency can make pay systems fairer and more effective.</p> <p>With more information on how much certain tasks and roles are valued, employees can better understand and interpret pay differences, and advocate for themselves. When pay is weakly aligned with employee contributions, pay transparency can be embarrassing for firms.</p> <p>As the government continues to <a href="https://www.smh.com.au/business/workplace/think-your-male-colleagues-earn-more-than-you-soon-you-ll-know-for-sure-20240104-p5ev7i.html">legislate for pay transparency</a>, wise employers should move to identify – and correct – both real and perceived inequities.</p> <h2>The salary taboo</h2> <p>At one extreme, imagine that you work for California-based tech company Buffer, which develops social media tools.</p> <p>Buffer lists the salary of every company employee, in descending order, on its <a href="https://buffer.com/salaries">website</a>. Salaries are non-negotiable and all Buffer employees receive a standard pay raise each year. Prospective job applicants can use Buffer’s online <a href="https://buffer.com/salary-calculator/senior-data-engineer/intermediate">salary calculator</a> to estimate their pay.</p> <p>Does Buffer’s pay system make you cheer – “yay, no uncomfortable salary negotiations!”, or squirm – “what, my salary is on the website?”</p> <p>Most probably, both. There is a persistent social norm researchers call the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0047272723000725">salary taboo</a>. We want to know, but we don’t like to ask, and we definitely don’t want anyone to know that we’re asking.</p> <p>In Norway, an app that enabled users to <a href="https://www.aeaweb.org/articles?id=10.1257/aer.20160256">access neighbors’ tax-reported income</a> was enormously popular – but only while the user could remain anonymous.</p> <h2>The problem with not knowing</h2> <p>Historically, companies have given employees only minimal information about their pay systems, and some have even prohibited them from sharing their own pay information.</p> <p>Such non-transparency creates two big problems.</p> <p>First, managers place <a href="https://sloanreview.mit.edu/article/achieving-meritocracy-in-the-workplace/">too much trust</a> in organisational systems. The more managers become convinced that pay decisions accurately reflect employee contributions, the less diligent they become about monitoring their own personal biases. Without accountability, it’s easy for an organisation’s pay system to drift into inequity.</p> <p>Second, in the absence of comparative information, employees often suspect they are being underpaid – even if they aren’t.</p> <p>In a <a href="https://www.payscale.com/research-and-insights/fair-pay-impact/">survey</a> of over 380,000 employees by data firm Payscale, 57% of employees paid <em>at</em> the market rate and 42% of people paid <em>above</em> the market rate all believed they were being underpaid.</p> <p>However, unfounded it might be, a nagging sense of inequity can drive people out the door. Payscale estimates that people who <em>think</em> they are underpaid are 50% more likely than other employees to seek a new job in the next six months.</p> <h2>Pay transparency is trending</h2> <p>Broadly speaking, pay transparency policies see companies report their pay levels or ranges, explain their pay-setting processes, or encourage their employees to share pay information.</p> <p>Some companies voluntarily share pay information in response to workforce demand, but there’s also a trend toward mandating pay transparency.</p> <p>In Australia, pay secrecy terms are <a href="https://theconversation.com/pay-secrecy-clauses-are-now-banned-in-australia-heres-how-that-could-benefit-you-195814">banned</a> from employment contracts and the Workplace Gender Equality Agency is <a href="https://www.wgea.gov.au/about/our-legislation/publishing-employer-gender-pay-gaps">publishing employers’ gender pay gaps</a>.</p> <p>The European Union’s <a href="https://ec.europa.eu/commission/presscorner/detail/es/ip_22_7739">Pay Transparency Directive</a> already publishes gender pay gaps and requires employers to provide comparative pay data to employees upon request. Several US states and cities now require employers to <a href="https://www.govdocs.com/pay-transparency-laws/">include salary ranges</a> in their recruitment materials.</p> <h2>Pay transparency usually has positive effects</h2> <p>In equitable pay systems, pay differences align with the differential values employees bring to the business. When pay systems are transparent, it’s easy for employees to recognise when they – and their coworkers – are being appropriately rewarded for their contributions.</p> <p>Evidence is building that such transparency is often a good thing.</p> <p>For one, it can increase employee <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/002224377801500204">performance and job satisfaction</a>. People also generally <a href="https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/10.1086/717891">underestimate their bosses’ salaries</a>, so pay transparency can inspire employees to aspire to higher-paid senior positions. And pay transparency identifies staff with unique expertise, so <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2016-01521-001">employees seek help</a> from the right coworkers.</p> <p>Pay transparency has also been shown to help narrow gender pay gaps. As pay transparency rules spread across public academic institutions in the US, the pay gap between male and female academics <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-022-01288-9">dramatically narrowed</a> (in some states, it was even eliminated).</p> <p>In Denmark, where firms are now required to provide pay statistics that compare men and women, the national gender pay gap has <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jofi.13136">declined by 13%</a> relative to the pre-legislation average.</p> <h2>But it can still be risky</h2> <p>Every pay system has pockets of unfairness, where managers have made <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2001-01537-002">special arrangements</a> to attract or retain talent. Pay transparency exposes these exceptions, so they can be immediately explained or corrected.</p> <p>But if there are too many such pockets, managers need to brace for a productivity downturn. When pay transparency reveals systematic inequities – for example, disparities based on gender – overall organisational <a href="https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=4341804">productivity declines</a>.</p> <p>Over the long run, pay transparency leads to <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jofi.13136">flatter and narrower</a> pay distributions, but distributions can also be too flat and too narrow. Managers making pay decisions are aware that their decisions will be directly scrutinised and may <a href="https://journals.aom.org/doi/10.5465/amj.2020.1831">become reluctant</a> to assign high wages even for high performance.</p> <p>If pay <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-022-01288-9">loses its motivating potential</a>, employees can become disheartened, especially <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/peps.12054">star performers</a>.</p> <h2>Proceed with caution</h2> <p>As stakeholders on this issue demand more transparency, employers would be wise to stay ahead of legislative moves.</p> <p>Independently making the first move is a show of good faith and can unfold in stages. A good first step is to reveal the pay ranges associated with groups of related roles, giving employers time to conduct internal audits, communicate with employees and systematically correct inequities as they surface.</p> <p>In contrast, having to reveal pay data because of a government mandate can publicly expose patterns of inequity and cause permanent damage to a company’s reputation.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/224067/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/carol-t-kulik-150471">Carol T Kulik</a>, Research Professor, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-south-australia-1180">University of South Australia</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-dont-australians-talk-about-their-salaries-pay-transparency-and-fairness-go-hand-in-hand-224067">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

Money & Banking

Two-up, Gallipoli and the ‘fair go’: why illegal gambling is at the heart of the Anzac myth

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/bruce-moore-291912">Bruce Moore</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/australian-national-university-877">Australian National University</a></em></p> <p>Two-up is an Australian gambling game in which two coins are placed on a small piece of wood called a “kip” and tossed into the air. Bets are laid as to whether both coins will fall with heads or tails uppermost. It is one of the core activities of Anzac Day celebrations - and a beloved tradition.</p> <p>The word <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/ANZAC">ANZAC</a> was created in 1915 as an acronym from Australian and New Zealand Army Corps. By 1916 it was being used emblematically to reflect the traditional view of the virtues displayed by those in the <a href="https://www.britannica.com/event/Gallipoli-Campaign">Gallipoli campaign</a>, especially as these are seen as national characteristics. This cluster of national characteristics includes mateship, larrikin daredevilry, anti-authoritarianism, and egalitarianism.</p> <p>The game of two-up became indicative of these qualities. Mateship was evident in the way the game brought together people of disparate backgrounds. Larrikinism was evident in the defiant rejection of authority and convention.</p> <p>Two-up was always illegal, because the game is an unregulated form of gambling (although from the 1980s it became legal in most Australian states on Anzac Day). But in spite of the illegality, it was widely regarded as the fairest of gambling games, and at the time of the First World War the verbal command for the coins to be spun was not “come in spinner” (as it is now) but “fair go”. Indeed, the important Australian concept of the “fair go” was in part cemented by its role in the game.</p> <p>Two-up was the common pastime of the urban working-class man, and it feeds into the elements of egalitarianism and anti-authoritarianism that are central to both the Anzac myth and the Australian myth.</p> <figure class="align-center zoomable"><a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/458543/original/file-20220419-17-6mgarp.jpg?ixlib=rb-4.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/458543/original/file-20220419-17-6mgarp.jpg?ixlib=rb-4.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/458543/original/file-20220419-17-6mgarp.jpg?ixlib=rb-4.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=466&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/458543/original/file-20220419-17-6mgarp.jpg?ixlib=rb-4.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=466&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/458543/original/file-20220419-17-6mgarp.jpg?ixlib=rb-4.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=466&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/458543/original/file-20220419-17-6mgarp.jpg?ixlib=rb-4.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=585&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/458543/original/file-20220419-17-6mgarp.jpg?ixlib=rb-4.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=585&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/458543/original/file-20220419-17-6mgarp.jpg?ixlib=rb-4.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=585&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" alt="" /></a><figcaption><span class="caption">Two original 1915 Australian pennies in a kip from which they are tossed.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Roland Scheicher/ Wikimedia</span></span></figcaption></figure> <h2>Two-up and wartime life</h2> <p>From the very early period of the First World War, two-up assumed great importance among the Australian troops. Soldiers reported that two-up was played on the battlefield during the Gallipoli campaign, even when under shellfire. As the war dragged on, numerous stories were told about Australian soldiers’ obsession with playing it.</p> <p>In 1918 the <a href="https://www.awm.gov.au/collection/P10676229">war correspondent Charles Bean</a> studied the daily life of a company of Australian soldiers stationed at a brewery in Querrieu in northern France.</p> <p>He places great emphasis on two-up, writing in his diary in 1918: "Two-up’ is the universal pastime of the men. … It is a game which starts in any quarter of an hour’s interval or lasts the whole afternoon. The side road outside becomes every evening a perfect country fair with groups playing these games in it - a big crowd of 70 or 80 at the bottom the street, in the middle of the road; a smaller crowd of perhaps twenty on a doorstep further up. … The game is supposed to be illegal, I think; but at any rate in this company they wink at it."</p> <p>Two-up was important not just in taking soldiers’ minds off the realities of the war, but also in creating a strong sense of community. Photographs from the war that show the men playing two-up reveal how it brought them together physically in a communal activity.</p> <p>This helps explains why men, who in civilian life may have had little or no interest in gambling, joined in the camaraderie and fun of the two-up fair, and by so doing blotted out the boredom, isolation, and loneliness of much wartime experience.</p> <h2>Anzac Day and tradition</h2> <p>Playing two-up became an integral part of the diggers’ memories of the experience of war, especially when commemorated on Anzac Day. By the 1930s the playing of two-up outdoors after the Anzac Day march had become an entrenched tradition.</p> <p>As the ranks of diggers from the two world wars declined, so the structure of Anzac Day changed in emphasis. In recent years the Dawn Service has increased greatly in popularity, while the Anzac Day march has <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-04-07/concern-over-australias-dwindling-number-of-world-war-veterans/10911602">suffered from dwindling numbers</a> of veterans. The streets of Sydney and similar cities are no longer dotted with two-up games in the afternoon. The games have shifted to pubs and clubs, and they are largely played by people with no experience of war.</p> <p>Those people who play the game on this day do so not for any deep-seated gambling impulse or because they would love to play the game on every other day of the year. They play two-up because it has become part of the meaning of Anzac Day.</p> <p>Anzac Day has always combined solemnity and festivity. The Dawn Service commemorates the landing at Gallipoli, and the sacrifices that ensued. Its mood is solemn.</p> <p>In the past, returned soldiers reminisced, told war yarns, drank, and played two-up. The soldiers have passed on, but their larrikinism survives in the tradition of the game they have bequeathed to their descendants.</p> <p>We should not underestimate the significance of rituals of this kind—the playing of two-up is a way in which Australians can become not just observers of, but participants in, their history and their myths. Two-up is a ritual that links the present with the past on this one day of the year.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/181337/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/bruce-moore-291912">Bruce Moore</a>, Honorary Associate Professor in the School of Literature, Languages, and Linguistics, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/australian-national-university-877">Australian National University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image </em><em>credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/two-up-gallipoli-and-the-fair-go-why-illegal-gambling-is-at-the-heart-of-the-anzac-myth-181337">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

Money & Banking

New studies suggest millions with mild cognitive impairment go undiagnosed, often until it’s too late

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/soeren-mattke-1484707">Soeren Mattke</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-southern-california-1265">University of Southern California</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ying-liu-1221170">Ying Liu</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/usc-dornsife-college-of-letters-arts-and-sciences-2669">USC Dornsife College of Letters, Arts and Sciences</a></em></p> <p>Mild cognitive impairment – an early stage of dementia – is widely underdiagnosed in people 65 and older. That is the key takeaway of two recent studies from our team.</p> <p>In the first study, we used Medicare data for about 40 million beneficiaries age 65 and older from 2015 to 2019 to estimate the prevalence of mild cognitive impairment in that population and to identify what proportion of them had actually been diagnosed.</p> <p>Our <a href="https://doi.org/10.1186/s13195-023-01272-z">finding was sobering</a>: A mere 8% of the number of cases with mild cognitive impairment that we expected based on a statistical model had actually been diagnosed. Scaled up to the general population 65 and older, this means that approximately 7.4 million cases across the country remain undiagnosed.</p> <p>In the second study, we analyzed data for 226,756 primary care clinicians and found that <a href="https://doi.org/10.14283/jpad.2023.131">over 99% of them underdiagnosed mild cognitive impairment</a> in this population.</p> <h2>Why it matters</h2> <p>Mild cognitive impairment is an early symptom of Alzheimer’s disease in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.2019.2000">about half of cases</a> and progresses to dementia <a href="https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/what-is-dementia/related_conditions/mild-cognitive-impairment">at a rate of 10% to 15% per year</a>. It includes symptoms such as losing the ability to remember recent events and appointments, make sound decisions and master complex tasks. Failure to detect it might deprive patients of an opportunity to get treated and to slow down disease progression.</p> <p>Mild cognitive impairment can sometimes be caused by easily addressable factors, such as medication side effects, thyroid dysfunction or <a href="https://theconversation.com/vitamin-b12-deficiency-is-a-common-health-problem-that-can-have-serious-consequences-but-doctors-often-overlook-it-192714">vitamin B12 deficiency</a>. Since mild cognitive impairment has <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.amjopharm.2008.06.004">the same risk factors as cardiovascular disease</a>, such as high blood pressure and cholesterol, medication management of these risks combined with diet and exercise <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(15)60461-5">can reduce the risk of progression</a>.</p> <p>In 2023, the Food and Drug Administration <a href="https://www.fda.gov/news-events/press-announcements/fda-converts-novel-alzheimers-disease-treatment-traditional-approval">approved the drug lecanemab</a> as the <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-the-fdas-accelerated-approval-of-a-new-alzheimers-drug-could-mean-for-those-with-the-disease-5-questions-answered-about-lecanemab-197460">first disease-modifying treatment</a> <a href="https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/alzheimers-causes-and-risk-factors/what-happens-brain-alzheimers-disease">for Alzheimer’s disease</a>, the most common cause of mild cognitive impairment. In contrast to previous drugs, which can temporarily improve symptoms of the disease, such as memory loss and agitation, this new treatment addresses the underlying cause of the disease.</p> <p>Lecanemab, a monoclonal antibody, <a href="https://www.news-medical.net/health/What-are-Amyloid-Plaques.aspx">reduces amyloid plaques</a> in the brain, which are toxic protein clumps that are believed to contribute to the progression of the disease. In a large clinical trial, lecanemab was able to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJMoa2212948">reduce the progression</a> of early-stage Alzheimer’s disease. A similar drug, donanemab, also <a href="https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.2023.13239">succeeded in a clinical trial</a> and is expected to be <a href="https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/fda-delays-approval-of-alzheimers-drug-donanemab-what-experts-think">approved sometime in 2024</a>.</p> <p>However, these drugs must be used in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease, ideally when a patient has only mild cognitive impairment, as there is <a href="https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/treatments/lecanemab-leqembi">no evidence that they are effective in advanced stages</a>.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/w3IbAscNjsQ?wmode=transparent&start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe><figcaption><span class="caption">An earlier diagnosis leads to early treatment and better outcomes.</span></figcaption></figure> <h2>What still isn’t known</h2> <p>Many factors contribute to the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/alz.13051">lack of timely detection</a>. But researchers don’t have a good understanding of the relative importance of those individual factors or how to reduce the high rate of underdiagnosis.</p> <p>While distinct, symptoms are subtle and their slow progression means that they can be overlooked or misinterpreted as normal aging. A neurologist in China told our research team that diagnosis rates spike in China after the New Year’s holiday, when children who haven’t seen their parents for a year notice changes that are harder to pick up when interacting with someone daily.</p> <p>Doctors also commonly discount memory concerns as normal aging and doubt that much can be done about it. While cognitive tests to distinguish mild cognitive impairment from pathologic decline do exist, they take about 15 minutes, which can be hard to come by during the limited time of a doctor’s visit and may require a follow-up appointment.</p> <h2>What’s next</h2> <p>People, particularly those in their 60s and beyond, as well as their families and friends need to be vigilant about cognitive decline, bring it up during doctor’s appointments and insist on a formal assessment.</p> <p>The <a href="https://www.medicare.gov/coverage/yearly-wellness-visits">Medicare yearly “wellness” visit</a> is an opportunity to explore such concerns, but only about half of beneficiaries <a href="https://doi.org/10.1377/hlthaff.2019.01795">take advantage of it</a>.</p> <p>Just as physicians ask patients about unexplained weight loss and take those concerns seriously, we believe questions that explore a patient’s cognitive state need to become the norm.</p> <p><em>The <a href="https://theconversation.com/us/topics/research-brief-83231">Research Brief</a> is a short take on interesting academic work.</em><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/216892/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/soeren-mattke-1484707">Soeren Mattke</a>, Director of the USC Dornsife Brain Health Observatory, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-southern-california-1265">University of Southern California</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ying-liu-1221170">Ying Liu</a>, Research Scientist, Center for Economic and Social Research, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/usc-dornsife-college-of-letters-arts-and-sciences-2669">USC Dornsife College of Letters, Arts and Sciences</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/new-studies-suggest-millions-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-go-undiagnosed-often-until-its-too-late-216892">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

Mind

“Kick in the face”: Why not everyone's happy that Molly’s going home

<p>The recent decision to <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/molly-the-magpie-is-going-home" target="_blank" rel="noopener">return Molly the magpie</a> to a Gold Coast couple and their two dogs Ruby and Peggy has sparked a contentious debate, which one wildlife advocate <a href="https://au.news.yahoo.com/molly-the-magpie-decision-labelled-a-kick-in-the-face-for-wildlife-carers-040736042.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">described to Yahoo News</a> as "a kick in the face". Queensland Premier Steven Miles' announcement has divided opinions, stirring anger among wildlife volunteers while receiving overwhelming praise from a vast portion of the public, particularly followers of the popular social media pages featuring Molly.</p> <p>Molly, the magpie turned social media sensation, has captured the hearts of over two million followers on platforms like Facebook, Instagram and YouTube. However, her rise to fame was marred by allegations of being taken from the wild without proper authorisation. The decision to return Molly to Juliette Wells and Reece Mortensen, the couple behind the Peggy and Molly pages, has left wildlife advocates concerned about the message it sends regarding the treatment of wildlife and the enforcement of regulations.</p> <p>Despite the concerns raised by wildlife advocates, the decision to return Molly appears to have widespread public support. Premier Miles' Facebook post announcing Molly's return garnered significant positive feedback, with many expressing joy at the news. However, some questioned the delay in the decision-making process and criticised the handling of the situation by the Department of Environment and Science and its staff.</p> <p>The saga surrounding Molly's return unfolded amid public pressure, fuelled by social media campaigns and posts from Wells herself, <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/i-miss-my-bestie-new-appeal-after-molly-s-family-left-in-the-dark" target="_blank" rel="noopener">expressing frustration at the lack of response</a> from government officials.</p> <p>The controversy surrounding Molly's return raises broader questions about wildlife rehabilitation, human-animal interactions, and the role of social media in shaping public perception. While Wells maintained that Molly was cared for in a manner consistent with fostering her natural instincts, authorities expressed concerns about the potential negative impact of human habituation on the bird's ability to thrive in the wild.</p> <p>Critics argue that Molly's return sets a dangerous precedent, potentially encouraging others to take wild animals into captivity for social media fame. The financial gains associated with Molly's social media presence certainly raise ethical questions about the commodification of wildlife for entertainment purposes.</p> <p>Amid escalating tensions surrounding the case, calls for civility and respect have been made, urging individuals to engage in constructive dialogue rather than resorting to hostility and abuse. None more powerful than the message coming directly from Molly's adoptive carers:</p> <p>"NO AGGRESSION," Juliette Wells repeatedly said to her followers on Instagram. "Be kind - remember what these 3 best friends have shown the world: Love & acceptance in differences. We all have differences in opinions let’s just voice them in a positive way for this Famous Magpie Molly."</p> <p>While Molly's return may be celebrated by some, it reignites discussions about the ethical treatment of wildlife and the responsibilities of both individuals and authorities in safeguarding native species. </p> <p>But the last word again goes to Wells, who has clearly endured a great deal throughout this entire ordeal – including being "harassed, defamed & bullied"<span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">:</span></p> <p>"What a journey to get here," wrote Wells, following the news of Molly's impending return. "Having a hole in our hearts that we never thought would heal. Constantly thinking about this little magpie who was full of life and personality sitting in a cage lost and alone. Our hearts breaking Watching our girls looking around for Molly or out the window for hours waiting to see their best friend again.</p> <p>"Being forced by a certain media outlet to make the announcement before we were ready to deliver it in a mindful way to our millions of supporters.</p> <p>"We have become a meme, an interview question & the topic of conversation around the world.</p> <p>"We have be Harassed, defamed & bullied by a small minority of people.</p> <p>"Suddenly being plunged onto the world stage after the QLD premier stepped in. Constantly Hitting brick walls trying to get answers from the dept about Molly & his whereabouts.</p> <p>"We want to thankyou you the people for your voices , for standing by us & making this happen . The messages , emails , phone calls & thousands of signatures on petitions . The love , support and sheer determination for a cause is what you have done & is what has kept us going . We have shown the world what can be achieved when we work together . We have shown the world this can be achieved with persistence without aggression."</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/C5mEBBbSY2g/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/C5mEBBbSY2g/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Peggyandmolly (@peggyandmolly)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Family & Pets

Molly the Magpie is going home!

<p>Molly the magpie, who captured the hearts of thousands with her unlikely friendship with Peggy the English Staffy, is set to be reunited with her former carers. The saga that ensued following Molly's removal from her home on the Gold Coast <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/outcry-after-authorities-seize-internet-famous-magpie-from-queensland-family" target="_blank" rel="noopener">sparked outrage and activism</a>, ultimately leading to this joyous moment.</p> <p>The story began when wildlife officials removed Molly from the residence of Reece Mortensen and Juliette Wells on March 1, citing complaints of illegal possession. This decision triggered a wave of support from the community, who were moved by the bond shared between Molly, Peggy, and another dog, Ruby. Videos and photos showcasing the trio's companionship had gained significant attention on social media platforms, turning Molly into an online sensation.</p> <p>Premier Steven Miles initially voiced his support for Molly's return, acknowledging the unique circumstances and the strong emotional bond between the animals. However, as Mortensen and Wells struggled to navigate bureaucratic hurdles in their quest to bring Molly home, frustration mounted. Despite assurances from the Premier, their attempts to seek further assistance <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/i-miss-my-bestie-new-appeal-after-molly-s-family-left-in-the-dark" target="_blank" rel="noopener">seemed to fall on deaf ears</a>, leaving them feeling abandoned.</p> <p>But just when hope seemed to be dwindling, a surprise announcement came from Premier Miles on Wednesday morning. He revealed that Molly would indeed be returning to her former carers, citing advice from the Department of Environment and Science and Innovation. The necessary arrangements for securing the appropriate license were underway, ensuring that Molly could come home "very soon".</p> <p>“This morning the Department has advised me that the couple can secure the appropriate licence. The team will work with them now to do that,” Miles said in a statement. “It’s good news and means Molly can come home very soon. I’d like to thank everyone who has written to me to share their concerns and advocate for Molly’s return.”</p> <p>This development marks a victory for animal advocacy and grassroots activism. Over 154,000 Australians had signed an online petition calling for Molly's reunion with Peggy, reflecting widespread concern for the emotional wellbeing of both the dog and the magpie. Many saw the situation as an example of "bureaucracy gone mad".</p> <p>As Molly prepares to spread her wings once more in the familiar company of Peggy and Ruby, we cannot wait to see and hear the footage of their upcoming reunion!</p> <p><em>Images: Instagram | Wiki Commons</em></p>

Family & Pets

Stay or go? Most older Australians want to retire where they are, but renters don’t always get a choice

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/christopher-phelps-378137">Christopher Phelps</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/curtin-university-873">Curtin University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/rachel-ong-viforj-113482">Rachel Ong ViforJ</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/curtin-university-873">Curtin University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/william-clark-1488932">William Clark</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-california-los-angeles-1301">University of California, Los Angeles</a></em></p> <p>As Australia’s population gets older, more people are confronted with a choice: retire where they are or seek new horizons elsewhere.</p> <p>Choosing to grow old in your existing home or neighbourhood is known as “ageing in place”. It enables older people to stay connected to their community and maintain familiarity with their surroundings.</p> <p>For many, the decision to “age in place” will be tied to their connection to the family home. But for many, secure and affordable housing is increasingly <a href="https://theconversation.com/ageing-in-a-housing-crisis-growing-numbers-of-older-australians-are-facing-a-bleak-future-209237">beyond reach</a>. This choice may then be impeded by a lack of suitable accommodation in their current or desired neighbourhoods.</p> <p>Our recently published <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/01640275231209683">study</a> asks what motivates older homeowners and renters to age in place or relocate, and what factors disrupt these preferences. It suggests older renters are often not given a fair choice.</p> <h2>Most older Australians want to age in place</h2> <p>Having the option to age in place enables older people to retain autonomy over their lifestyles and identity, promoting emotional wellbeing.</p> <p>Using 20 years of data from the government-funded Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia (HILDA) survey, we tracked the preferences of Australians aged 55 and over.</p> <p>Encouragingly, most older Australians are already where they want to be.</p> <p>Two-thirds (67%) of respondents strongly preferred to stay in their current neighbourhood, and an additional one-fifth (19%) had a moderate preference to stay.</p> <p>Only 6% showed a moderate or strong desire to leave. Ageing in place is then the natural choice for a vast majority of older Australians.</p> <p><iframe id="s3LTM" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" style="border: none;" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/s3LTM/1/" width="100%" height="400px" frameborder="0"></iframe></p> <p>Our study highlights several motivations for people to stay put as they retire.</p> <p>For homeowners, family ties matter. Owners with children residing nearby were around one and a half times more likely to have a higher preference to stay.</p> <p>Older owners might then have a reason to call on their substantial <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-housing-wealth-gap-between-older-and-younger-australians-has-widened-alarmingly-in-the-past-30-years-heres-why-197027">housing wealth</a> and keep their children nearby via the <a href="https://360info.org/how-to-help-the-young-buy-a-home/">“bank of mum and dad”</a>.</p> <p>For renters, how long they stay is important. Those renting their home for 10 years or more were 1.7 times more likely to have a higher preference to stay than short-term renters.</p> <h2>Renters face the most disruption</h2> <p>The survey enabled us to follow where older people lived a year after they provided their preferences. This helped us gauge how often they turned their desires into reality.</p> <p>The chart below indicates that private renters face greater obstacles to ageing in place.</p> <p>Around one in 10 private renters that desired to age in place were disrupted – they wanted to stay in their neighbourhood but didn’t. This suggests they moved out of their neighbourhood involuntarily.</p> <p>Only 2% of homeowners and social renters experienced the same disruption. However, for those in these tenures that did not desire to age in place, involuntary immobility was a greater concern. Only 15% of those that wanted to leave succeeded, leaving the vast majority “stuck in place”.</p> <p><iframe id="IlliV" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" style="border: none;" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/IlliV/1/" width="100%" height="400px" frameborder="0"></iframe></p> <p>The private rental market is the least secure of tenures, and so private tenants are often exposed to involuntary moves. Australia’s private rental system is lightly regulated compared to many other countries, creating tenure insecurity concerns.</p> <p>On the other hand, social renters were particularly susceptible to involuntary immobility. Social housing is scarce in Australia and subject to <a href="https://theconversation.com/its-soul-destroying-how-people-on-a-housing-wait-list-of-175-000-describe-their-years-of-waiting-210705">lengthy waiting lists</a>. A neighbourhood move often requires transferring to the less affordable and less secure private rental housing.</p> <p>Even after considering financial status, social renters were four times as likely to be stuck as compared to private renters. Social tenants are strongly deterred from moving in the current system.</p> <h2>How can we support older Australians’ preferences?</h2> <p>Our study exposes some barriers in the housing system that hinder people from being able to age in place, or move when they want to. Clearly, older renters enjoy fewer protections against disruptions to their preferences to age in place than older owners.</p> <p>For private renters, tenure insecurity in the <a href="https://theconversation.com/insecure-renting-ages-you-faster-than-owning-a-home-unemployment-or-obesity-better-housing-policy-can-change-this-216364">private rental sector</a> is a key reform priority. This can be achieved through stronger regulation that improves tenants’ rights. For example, more states could adopt <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-5-key-tenancy-reforms-are-affecting-renters-and-landlords-around-australia-187779?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=bylinetwitterbutton">recent regulatory rental reforms</a> that support the rights of pet owners and protect against no-grounds evictions.</p> <p>Large numbers of older private renters also face severe <a href="https://www.oldertenants.org.au/publications/ageing-in-a-housing-crisis-older-peoples-housing-insecurity-homelessness-in-australia">rental stress</a>, which may force them to move from their preferred neighbourhood. <a href="https://theconversation.com/1-billion-per-year-or-less-could-halve-rental-housing-stress-146397">Commonwealth rent assistance reform</a> would alleviate some of this stress through an increase in rates and better targeting.</p> <p>An increase in the supply of social housing would play an important role in improving both tenure security and housing affordability. Older social renters enjoy fewer obstacles to ageing in place than older private renters.</p> <p>However, if social renters want to move into the private rental market to relocate, they face difficulty securing accommodation. This will likely discourage moves as it would require sacrificing the tenure security offered by social housing. However, policy initiatives that improve the <a href="https://www.ahuri.edu.au/sites/default/files/migration/documents/PES-358-Lessons-from-public-housing-urban-renewal-evaluation.pdf">quality of the public housing stock</a> can reduce feelings of being stuck.</p> <p>As <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/australias-welfare/home-ownership-and-housing-tenure">homeownership rates decline</a> both among young people and those nearing retirement, we can expect the population of older renters to grow.</p> <p>Overall, our findings support a strong case for policy reform in the rental sectors to address the needs and preferences of older renters.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/218024/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/christopher-phelps-378137"><em>Christopher Phelps</em></a><em>, Research Fellow, School of Accounting, Economics and Finance, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/curtin-university-873">Curtin University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/rachel-ong-viforj-113482">Rachel Ong ViforJ</a>, ARC Future Fellow & Professor of Economics, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/curtin-university-873">Curtin University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/william-clark-1488932">William Clark</a>, Research Professor of Geography, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-california-los-angeles-1301">University of California, Los Angeles</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/stay-or-go-most-older-australians-want-to-retire-where-they-are-but-renters-dont-always-get-a-choice-218024">original article</a>.</em></p>

Retirement Income

‘To truly forget life for a while – a reprieve and a reward’: why Australians love going to the cinema

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ruari-elkington-105955">Ruari Elkington</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a></em></p> <p>Australians have had plenty of time in the last 100 years to work out what they value about cinema-going and why it matters. Head to any cinema and catch the Val Morgan advertising in the pre-show. Take a closer look at the date the company was founded. Not 1984, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Val_Morgan">but 1894</a>. That’s more than 125 years of “Making Messages Memorable” on Australian screens.</p> <p>We have a deep and abiding love for cinema in this country. Over the last century, the experience of going to the movies has both shifted significantly (<a href="https://villageroadshow.com.au/-/media/VRL-Corporate-Media-Library/Documents/Press-Releases/2017/5-December-Gold-Class-Celebrates-20-Years.pdf">we invented Gold Class, you know</a>) and somehow remained resolutely enduring in terms of appeal.</p> <p>My colleague Tess Van Hemert and I have spent the last two years <a href="https://research.qut.edu.au/dmrc/projects/resilient-screens-investigating-the-value-of-australian-cinema-exhibition/">researching</a> the cultures and practices of cinema-going and how cinema sites shape that experience.</p> <p>A typical response in our research was: "I love the cinema experience. It’s a bonding experience, if it’s good it’s an emotional and cathartic experience."</p> <h2>‘A reprieve and a reward’</h2> <p>Cinemas <a href="https://www.bfi.org.uk/industry-data-insights/reports/measuring-economic-value-cinema-venues">are a catalyst</a> for social, cultural and economic activity wherever they operate, from single-screen regional sites to major multiplexes in suburban shopping malls. Cinema, our participants said, is the “ideal” way to watch a movie: "I like to sit as close as I can to the screen so that the ‘real’ world is completely blocked out. I am immersed in & in awe of the film only. To truly forget life for a while – a reprieve & a reward."</p> <p>Cinemas also mirror communities back to themselves. We may go in alone, as a couple or with family and friends, but in the cinema we form a community.</p> <p>When reflecting on returning to the cinema between COVID lockdowns, one person spoke of seeing American Utopia "There were only about 10 people in the cinema. We didn’t know each other but we all started spontaneously dancing, first in our seats, and then everyone ran down to the floor in front of the screen to dance together. It was like a mini music festival when live music was banned."</p> <p>Despite the cost, despite the hassle, despite the need to leave the couch, Australians turn up time and time again to cinemas. In 2023, the Australian box office generated nearly <a href="https://if.com.au/australian-box-office-neared-1b-in-2023/">A$1 billion</a> (although this is down on <a href="https://variety.com/2020/film/asia/australia-annual-box-office-drops-1203476275/">pre-COVID figures</a>). Four of the top ten highest grossing films of all time in Australia have been released <a href="https://www.valmorgan.com.au/2022-at-the-movies">since the pandemic began</a>. Australian census data tells us cinema-going remains Australia’s <a href="https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/people-and-communities#:%7E:text=44%25%20of%20people%20attended%20the,popular%20cultural%20venue%20or%20event">most popular</a> cultural activity.</p> <h2>‘Being able to switch off’</h2> <p>When cinemas face closure – or shut temporarily, as they did during the pandemic – the outpouring of community support can galvanise a community and remind them of all the times and ways in which they valued that access to that experience.</p> <p>One participant spoke of seeing their first film in the cinema after the pandemic: "It made me appreciate the whole cinema experience more. Getting out and being able to switch off was a welcome change."</p> <p>In our research, we observed how cinemas began to <a href="https://www.palacecinemas.com.au/blog/the-cinema-why-we-love-it/">articulate</a> their value to community through the pandemic period of forced closures.</p> <p>In the <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/243758/">large-scale national audience research</a> we conducted in partnership with Palace Cinemas the value audiences derive from cinema-going was as diverse as the programming.</p> <p>They remembered specific films, such as watching the opening credits of Force Awakens with a crowd of avid fans, or feeling like they were “experiencing summer in Italy” while watching Call Me By Your Name.</p> <p>They focused on memories of the people they were with, such as feeling “all grown up” while seeing arthouse films with their dad when they were a kid.</p> <h2>‘Float in the memory’</h2> <p>They spoke about the feelings they had before during and after the screening and the experience overall. One respondent wrote of loving the end of a film: "the quiet few minutes as the credits roll and you float in the memory of the film. This only happens for me when I see it in the cinema."</p> <p>Another participant spoke about leaving the cinema and: "doing a walk around the block thinking about the movie, still thinking about the movie driving home."</p> <p>One participant said they love “being able to have respectful (unbothered) alone time publicly”.</p> <p>Clear in this data is that memorability – and the experience of cinema – is far more nuanced than the simple appeal of watching a big film in a big room on a big screen. Cinemas continue to serve Australian communities in far more complex way than simply movies and popcorn.</p> <p>Cinema has always battled headwinds. Since radio, cinema has constantly faced in-home entertainment technology that was supposed to knock it over completely – TV, colour TV, cable, satellite, VHS, DVDs and now streaming. Each time, the desire for people to come together in a space and watch something unique in a way they can’t find anywhere else, with a level of engagement they can’t find anywhere else, has prevailed. We all have a kitchen at home, but we still love going out to restaurants.</p> <p>Disney, Warner Bros and Australia’s own Birch Carrol and Coyle all celebrated 100 years of operation in 2023. To sustain another century, more research is needed to better understand how cinema-going must continue to evolve to meet shifting audience expectations.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/222597/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ruari-elkington-105955">Ruari Elkington</a>, Senior Lecturer in Creative Industries & Chief Investigator at QUT Digital Media Research Centre (DMRC), <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/to-truly-forget-life-for-a-while-a-reprieve-and-a-reward-why-australians-love-going-to-the-cinema-222597">original article</a>.</em></p>

Movies

"Flower grannies" at their grandkids' wedding go viral

<p>Two grandmothers have stolen the show at their grandkids' wedding as they walked down the aisle as flower girls. </p> <p>The heartwarming moment was captured by wedding photographer Joshua Hugget, who was taking photos at the picturesque wedding in South Australia. </p> <p>The video shows the two grandmothers arm-in-arm, dropping flower petals down the aisle in lieu of the standard young flower girls. </p> <p>The bride, Michaela Treloar, shared with the <em><a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-03-03/grandmothers-who-were-flower-girls-become-viral-sensation/103519006?sf271999625=1&fbclid=IwAR21H0d9_RfQkyBfP6SuyI1L_3KN8a4CdTXqqmx8tEfN8SyIp3FXY_ryqbg_aem_AZyZ59VDrmi0hZ-kcRd9Yncw5hZywZzo313-pUSnNYZJ-K_2Z4fXcOVlFcvX0Gn-E40">ABC</a></em> how she and her partner both “wanted to include our grandmothers into our wedding somehow”, which resulted in the adorable moment.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3hCIP9PgsG/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3hCIP9PgsG/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Joshua Huggett Media (@joshuahuggettmedia)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>“They took it on with pride, smashed it, and now they’ve gone viral,” exclaimed Treloar.</p> <p>“It was really cute … each nonna was helping each other get to the end of the aisle, chatting all the way.”</p> <p>The photographer who captured the moment shared that he believes something about the video is relatable to everyone in some way, and that is the secret to its success.</p> <p>“It hits that heart string straight away … it’s the perfect concoction of people saying they want to do that with their grandma, teamed with people saying they wish they could do that with their grandma now that they’d passed,” Joshua shared.</p> <p>The flower grannies shining moment has been viewed millions of times, with many leaving comments praising the married couple for including their grandmothers in their big day. </p> <p>“I have goosebumps head to toe! The smiles on the grannies’ faces …. Priceless!!!!!!!” One user commented. </p> <p>“Hope this trend catches on, it’s truly beautiful!”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Instagram - Joshua Hugget Media</em></p>

Family & Pets

How to be kind to yourself (without going to a day spa)

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lydia-brown-179583">Lydia Brown</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p>“I have to be hard on myself,” Sarah told me in a recent telehealth psychology session. “I would never reach my potential if I was kind and let myself off the hook.”</p> <p>I could empathise with this fear of self-compassion from clients such as Sarah (not her real name). From a young age, we are taught to be kind to others, but self-kindness is never mentioned.</p> <p>Instead, we are taught success hinges on self-sacrifice. And we need a healthy inner critic to bully us forward into becoming increasingly better versions of ourselves.</p> <p>But <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167212445599">research shows</a> there doesn’t have to be a trade-off between self-compassion and success.</p> <p>Self-compassion can help you reach your potential, while supporting you to face the inevitable stumbles and setbacks along the way.</p> <h2>What is self-compassion?</h2> <p><a href="https://self-compassion.org/">Self-compassion</a> has <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298860309027">three</a> key ingredients.</p> <p><strong>1. Self-kindness</strong></p> <p>This involves treating yourself with the same kindness you would extend towards a good friend – via your thoughts, feelings and actions – especially during life’s difficult moments.</p> <p>For instance, if you find yourself fixating on a minor mistake you made at work, self-kindness might involve taking a ten-minute walk to shift focus, and reminding yourself it is OK to make mistakes sometimes, before moving on with your day.</p> <p><strong>2. Mindfulness</strong></p> <p>In this context, mindfulness involves being aware of your own experience of stress or suffering, rather than repressing or avoiding your feelings, or over-identifying with them.</p> <p>Basically, you must see your stress with a clear (mindful) perspective before you can respond with kindness. If we avoid or are consumed by our suffering, we lose perspective.</p> <p><strong>3. Common humanity</strong></p> <p>Common humanity involves recognising our own experience of suffering as something that unites us as being human.</p> <p>For instance, a sleep-deprived parent waking up (for the fourth time) to feed their newborn might choose to think about all the other parents around the world doing exactly the same thing – as opposed to feeling isolated and alone.</p> <h2>It’s not about day spas, or booking a manicure</h2> <p>When Sarah voiced her fear that self-compassion would prevent her success, I explained self-compassion is distinct from self-indulgence.</p> <p>“So is self-compassion just about booking in more mani/pedis?” Sarah asked.</p> <p>Not really, I explained. A one-off trip to a day spa is unlikely to transform your mental health.</p> <p>Instead, self-compassion is a flexible <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-031-22348-8_7">psychological resilience factor</a> that shapes our thoughts, feelings and actions.</p> <p>It’s associated with a suite of benefits to our <a href="https://iaap-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/aphw.12051">wellbeing</a>, <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298868.2011.639548">relationships</a> and <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17437199.2019.1705872">health</a>.</p> <h2>What does the science say?</h2> <p>Over the past 20 years, we’ve learned self-compassionate people enjoy a wide range of benefits. They tend to be <a href="https://iaap-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/aphw.12051">happier</a> and have <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2012.06.003">fewer psychological symptoms</a> of distress.</p> <p>Those high on self-compassion <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167212445599">persevere</a> following a failure. They say they are more motivated to overcome a personal weakness than those low on self-compassion, who are more likely to give up.</p> <p>So rather than feeling trapped by your inadequacies, self-compassion encourages a <a href="https://hbr.org/2018/09/give-yourself-a-break-the-power-of-self-compassion">growth mindset</a>, helping you reach your potential.</p> <p>However, self-compassion is not a panacea. It will not change your life circumstances or somehow make life “easy”. It is based on the premise that life is hard, and provides practical tools to cope.</p> <h2>It’s a factor in healthy ageing</h2> <p>I research menopause and healthy ageing and am especially interested in the value of self-compassion through menopause and in the second half of life.</p> <p>Because self-compassion becomes important during life’s challenges, it can help people navigate physical symptoms (for instance, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378512214001649?via%3Dihub">menopausal hot flushes</a>), life transitions such as <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0956797611429466">divorce</a>, and <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-031-22348-8_7">promote healthy ageing</a>.</p> <p>I’ve also teamed up with researchers at <a href="https://www.autismspectrum.org.au/">Autism Spectrum Australia</a> to explore self-compassion in autistic adults.</p> <p>We found autistic adults report significantly <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-022-05668-y">lower levels</a> of self-compassion than neurotypical adults. So we developed an online <a href="https://www.autismspectrum.org.au/blog/new-online-self-compassion-program-for-autistic-adults">self-compassion training program</a> for this at-risk population.</p> <h2>Three tips for self-compassion</h2> <p>You <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/jclp.21923">can learn</a> self-compassion with these three exercises.</p> <p><strong>1. What would you say to a friend?</strong></p> <p>Think back to the last time you made a mistake. What did you say to yourself?</p> <p>If you notice you’re treating yourself more like an enemy than a friend, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, try to think about what you might tell a friend, and direct that same friendly language towards yourself.</p> <p><strong>2. Harness the power of touch</strong></p> <p>Soothing human touch <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2020.555058/full">activates</a> the parasympathetic “relaxation” branch of our nervous system and counteracts the fight or flight response.</p> <p>Specifically, self-soothing touch (for instance, by placing both hands on your heart, stroking your forearm or giving yourself a hug) <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666497621000655">reduces</a> cortisol responses to psychosocial stress.</p> <p><strong>3. What do I need right now?</strong></p> <p>Sometimes, it can be hard to figure out exactly what self-compassion looks like in a given moment. The question “what do I need right now” helps clarify your true needs.</p> <p>For example, when I was 37 weeks pregnant, I woke up bolt awake one morning at 3am.</p> <p>Rather than beating myself up about it, or fretting about not getting enough sleep, I gently placed my hands on my heart and took a few deep breaths. By asking myself “what do I need right now?” it became clear that listening to a gentle podcast/meditation fitted the bill (even though I wanted to addictively scroll my phone).<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/223194/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lydia-brown-179583"><em>Lydia Brown</em></a><em>, Senior Lecturer in Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-be-kind-to-yourself-without-going-to-a-day-spa-223194">original article</a>.</em></p>

Caring

"Go enjoy your life": Young woman announces her own death

<p>A young woman has announced the news of her own death after a gruelling battle with cancer, while sharing her wishes for her grieving loved ones. </p> <p>Daniella Thackray, a 25-year-old from Leeds, took to social media to share the her heart-breaking final words, after an eight-month battle with the rare disease. </p> <p>The young digital marketing specialist had pre-written the message for her family to post on her behalf after dying of cholangiocarcinoma, a type of cancer that forms in the bile ducts.</p> <p>The emotional message paid tribute to her family, fiancé Tom, and dog Leo, as she encouraged her loved ones to “enjoy the little things” in life and “cherish every moment” after she had “gone”.</p> <p>She wrote: “If you’re reading this then it means I have died from my battle with cancer and my family are posting my final message on my behalf.</p> <p>“Firstly, I just want to say that not all cancers are caused by lifestyle choices, in some cases it’s genetics or unfortunately it just happens." </p> <p>“In my case, despite me being very healthy and active, a cancer started in my bile ducts which was not caused by anything in my control and my life was never the same again."</p> <p>“Cholangiocarinoma is a rare aggressive cancer with often no obvious causes and no cure’.. I really really do hope that in the years to come more research is done about this horrid cruel disease so that more lives can be saved.”</p> <p>Despite her devastating diagnosis, she chose “not to mourn life” and make the most of her time. </p> <p>Daniella added: “So with that being said, although we can’t control what happens to us, we can control how we react. I chose not to mourn the life I was losing despite being so devastated, but to instead enjoy every moment I had left."</p> <p>“As I have always said and believed, you should enjoy the little things in life and cherish every moment! Romanticise your life! Do whatever makes you happy and don’t let anyone take the joy of life away from you." </p> <p>“I LOVED my life. Everything I had achieved was what I wanted. I loved my job, my fiancé, my family, my friends and my dog, and the house we were going to buy and the future we were making for ourselves."</p> <p>“Leo my fur baby was definitely brought into my life to help brighten my darkest days."</p> <p>“And lastly to my dear, beautiful Tom, I love you and always will. Thank you for supporting me and bringing so much love and happiness into my life. Go enjoy your life now, you deserve it.”</p> <p>Her message has already gained more than 30,000 likes, while hundreds of people rushed to leave their condolences to her loved ones.</p> <p>One person wrote, "Such courageous words from someone that I’ve never met. What a wonderful message to leave us with, may you rest in paradise.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Facebook</em></p>

Caring

Mother bans in-laws from seeing her baby after they go against her wishes

<p dir="ltr">A woman has banned her in-laws from seeing her newborn daughter after they “betrayed her trust” and directly went against her wishes. </p> <p dir="ltr">The new mum shared the story to Reddit, as she explained why she was cutting contact with her husband’s parents after they pierced her child’s ears without their knowledge or consent. </p> <p dir="ltr">“My husband is from a culture where it's not uncommon to pierce baby girls' ears and his mother started pestering me about getting my daughter's ears pierced a few days after she was born,” the 32-year-old mum began. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I made it clear that I would not be doing that, and that I'd be waiting until she's old enough to ask for it herself. We live in my country where piercing a baby's ears isn't common at all.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The new mum's world soon came crashing down after the baby spent a weekend with her grandparents, before she went back to her parents red in the face and screaming. </p> <p dir="ltr">“My mother-in-law was looking after her over the weekend and decided to pierce her ears without my knowledge or consent.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“When I saw this I threw a fit. My baby was crying in pain, and I actually took her to the doctor to get their advice on whether or not to take them out.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The doctor advised the parent to take the earrings out as they were irritating the baby, but the issue didn’t end there. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I decided at that moment that my mother-in-law and everyone else on that side of the family (except for my sister-in-law, who's on my side about this) is going to have no alone contact with my daughter ever again - or at least until she's a teenager.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“My worry is that she'll do the same thing again, and to be frank, she's lost my trust entirely. I told her that if she had a problem with that, I'd report what she did to the police.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The husband of the baby girl reluctantly sided with his wife over the issue, despite saying it wasn’t a big deal and suggesting everyone move on from the incident.</p> <p dir="ltr">The story prompted a mixed response online, with some people saying the woman was overreacting and should work towards rebuilding trust with her in-laws.</p> <p dir="ltr">Others, however, had the opposite opinion, with one person saying, “Forget rebuilding trust, I'd be having them charged with assault.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Another person said, “They mutilated a child and they knew it was against the parents wishes. These people have serious problems. Not that I'd press charges, but getting holes poked in someone else's kid is a huge thing.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p>

Family & Pets

Why can’t WE do this?! UK company unveils "Grans Go Free" flights

<p>EasyJet Holidays has unveiled their "first of its kind" offer allowing older relatives to travel for free on family bookings to popular European destinations, including Spain, Greece and Italy. </p> <p>The offer was announced during the final week of the easyJet Holidays Big Orange Sale last week, where customers could get up to £400 off. </p> <p>The move was made after a survey they conducted found that half of families have never holidayed abroad with grandparents.</p> <p>From the survey of 2,000 British adults, half of them said they regret not spending more time with grandparents and hoped to travel with them in their upcoming holidays. </p> <p>"We're proud to offer thousands of free kids' places, but we feel it's time to recognise the grandparents," easyJet Holidays Chief Operating Officer, Matt Callaghan said. </p> <p>"This research shows how important grandparent and grandchild relationships are and how much can be learned from making time for them."</p> <p>The tour operator hopes to encourage people in the UK to take a "3G" holiday - the term used for getaways with three or more generations. </p> <p>They found that seventy-seven per cent of the people surveyed agreed that the bond between grandparents and grandchildren is one of the most special relationships within a family. </p> <p>73 percent of these people also said that they would use the holiday opportunity to learn more about their grandparents' lives, and almost half of them want to benefit from their grandparents' wisdom. </p> <p>The most popular destinations for multi-generational holidays abroad are Spain (18 per cent), Italy and France, which both sit at 13 per cent. </p> <p>Limited spaces for the offer were made available and to qualify, the grandparent had to travel as part of a family booking with at least one child, and provide proof of age and relation had to be provided upon arrival at the hotel. </p> <p>The offer ended on the 5th of February, but it does make us wonder, when will Australia follow in their footsteps?</p> <p><em>Image: EasyJet/ Getty</em></p>

International Travel

Disabled woman dies after firefighters go to wrong address

<p>A disabled woman has tragically died after being trapped in a burning home while firefighters went to the wrong address in an attempt to save her. </p> <p>Vivianne Rodger, who relies on using a wheelchair, called emergency services after her home in Victoria sparked a fire. </p> <p>She was then left for over two hours as firefighters, who were relying on a paper map, went to the wrong house trying to find her. </p> <p>When they eventually reached Ms Rodger, she was dead. </p> <p>According to a Victorian coroner, the blaze was "clearly avoidable" and she may have survived if they had arrived sooner, with their delayed response being directly linked to her death. </p> <p>The 54-year-old lived alone and was unable to move around independently after suffering a stroke and acquired brain injury, meaning she relied on a wheelchair and needed assistance to get in and out of bed.</p> <p>In the early hours of the morning on January 17th 2019, a service coordinator received a distressed call from the woman who said "my blanket is on fire", but the call was disconnected before more information was taken.</p> <p>Firefighters initially went to the wrong house on Ms Rodger's street, after becoming confused with the street numbers and using Melways, a printed street directory of Melbourne, to find the property.</p> <p>The process at the time was to send the fire station an A4 printout of the fire call with the address and a Melways reference.</p> <p>Fire crews didn't arrive at Ms Rodger's home until 5am, when smoke was billowing out of her home, and the woman was found dead in her bedroom. </p> <p>Coroner Paul Lawrie said the failure to find the correct address was "a missed opportunity to try to rescue Ms Rodger" and she would have had an "improved" chance of surviving if they found her sooner.</p> <p>He found the delays were "significant", "clearly avoidable" and questioned the fire brigade's reliance on Melways maps over a GPS map application.</p> <p>"It is also concerning that reliance on a Melway map may have contributed to the failure to identify the correct property," he wrote.</p> <p>The coroner urged for firetrucks to be equipped with modern navigation technology, and to implement policies, procedures and training to ensure firefighters can better identify the location of a call to prevent further deaths. </p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Caring

Readers respond: What is your go-to movie when you need a good cry?

<p>There's an abundance of movies out there, but not many that can bring you to tears. </p> <p>While <em>The Notebook </em>and <em>Beaches </em>are clearly the fan favourites for our readers, here are a few other recommendations that you can watch this holiday season. </p> <p>Get those tissues ready! </p> <p><strong>Carol Wardley </strong>- Its a wonderful life</p> <p>Watch the trailer <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLR3gZrU2Xo" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>, and stream the movie on Stan.</p> <p><strong>Denyse Galle</strong> - Me Before You and A Walk to Remember </p> <p>Watch the trailer for <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eh993__rOxA" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Me Before you</a> and stream it on YouTube, Apple TV or Amazon Prime Video.</p> <p>Watch the trailer for <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3B2XBcp7vA" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A Walk to Remember</a> and stream it on Apple TV or Amazon Prime Video</p> <p><strong>Kerrie Anne</strong> - The Remains of the Day</p> <p>Watch the trailer <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jALmEb72beg" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a> and stream it on <em>Netflix</em>.</p> <p><strong>Ken Smyth </strong>- Dancer in the Dark. That ending...</p> <p>Watch the trailer <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53vr9EiOH7g" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a> and stream it on <em>Apple TV</em>.</p> <p><strong>Michael Kopp</strong> - Bambi</p> <p>Watch the trailer <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDGv4GIR7A4" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a> and stream it on <em>Disney+.</em></p> <p><strong>Anne Connolly Finnegan</strong> - The Bridges of Madison county </p> <p>Watch the trailer <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Up-oN4NtvbM" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a> and stream it on YouTube.</p> <p><strong>Leone Mitchell </strong>- Love Story with Ryan O’Neal and Allie MacGraw beautiful</p> <p>Watch the trailer <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYhS8q66L38" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a> and stream it on Foxtel Go, Binge or YouTube</p> <p><strong>Julie B</strong> - The Colour Purple</p> <p><span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">Watch the trailer <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFMCW5-jdqM" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a> and stream it on Netflix. </span></p> <p>Are there any other movies that make you cry? Let us know. </p> <p><em><span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">Image: Getty </span></em></p> <p> </p>

Movies

Going home for the holidays? How to navigate conflict and deal with difficult people

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a></em></p> <p>The holiday season is upon us and for many that means all the tension that comes with it. This time of year can be a minefield of uncomfortable moments, disagreement and outright conflict. It’s no wonder <a href="https://fortune.com/well/2022/12/03/home-for-holidays-family-gatherings-mental-health/">many young people</a> are apprehensive about returning home for the holidays after living far away.</p> <p>There are many reasons interpersonal difficulties can arise over the holidays. Perhaps your aunt doesn’t like what you did with her pie recipe, or your friend’s new partner has unsettling political beliefs. Maybe you haven’t lived at home in a while, but your family still talks to you like you’re the same person you were in school. Maybe you’re bringing your partner to meet your family for the first time, and aren’t sure whether everyone will get along.</p> <p>People have socialised less with friends and family <a href="https://triple-c.at/index.php/tripleC/article/view/1167">since the pandemic</a>, and may be feeling out of practice. This can be compounded by all the things people can disagree about.</p> <p>Some topics are higher risk for blowups, and best <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/book/10.1002/9781444354119#page=122">avoided</a> in such settings (religion and politics, for starters). Whether it’s <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11109-018-9476-2">true or not</a>, there’s a popular perception that tricky subjects are more numerous and divisive than ever. Dare one bring up anything adjacent to Brexit, vaccinations or the cost of living? Even bringing your mobile phone to the dining table could get you in trouble.</p> <p>So what happens if your uncle has too much mulled wine and something slips out that annoys or even horrifies you? Family arguments are a common theme in holiday films, but their scripted resolutions are rarely realistic and not based on <a href="https://repository.lboro.ac.uk/articles/book/Talk_the_science_of_conversation/9476291">empirical research</a>. By considering how these things work in the context of real interactions, we can move from what sounds good in theory to what we can put into practice.</p> <h2>Think before you speak</h2> <p>In real-world situations, <a href="http://pstorage-loughborough-53465.s3.amazonaws.com/21189843/Thesis2019Joyce.pdf">interactions can escalate</a> before you’re even fully aware that they’re happening. You might be able to anticipate why and how an interaction might become a problem. Does alcohol generally lead to arguments in your family? Are your parents usually hypercritical of your new partners? Consider how to avoid problems before they start.</p> <figure>In the moment, you can often spot “clues” that something is about to go awry. Trouble doesn’t usually emerge solely because of one person, but through <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9780429058011-13/conflict-interaction-phillip-glenn">the back-and-forth between people</a>. Assuming too much about who might be “the difficult one” and why won’t be helpful on its own.</figure> <p>You have to learn to recognise the conversational moves people are making (including your own) and see how <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/B9780126235500500082">other people respond to them</a>. Some facial expressions can express doubt or distrust, and contemptuous expressions (such as <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08351813.2021.1936858">eye-rolling</a>) can signal that a conversation might take a turn toward insult rather than discussion. A response that starts with the word <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216615002465?casa_token=gyu3pjfpGrEAAAAA:VwEe8rVBXvsbF9V_aeYylN42IpKYeZ1BGqp85VoP_rkBQZtEI5AbuqBloiPxgTKfsJjj5VTSvcY">“well”</a> can be warning of incoming disagreement.</p> <p>As you notice what ways of speaking get what kinds of responses, you can be more thoughtful about what you choose to say. Even <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-319-99094-1_2">changing a single word</a> can shift the direction of a conversation. A common sign that a conversation is starting to escalate unhelpfully is that people begin <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08351813.2020.1826765?casa_token=AIU2DQgEJQUAAAAA%3AGoBBF8SPSXcDmiKBAwaIihjFngE1ck8QiVj0HFZO7VGxi8TtkOf7PB0j5NMV9ufgMN4BwF-dMFA1Gw">commenting on the conversation itself and accusing</a> one another of unreasonable behaviour. Once you learn to be more conscious of that, it can help you reflect on how to respond in ways that might deescalate… if that’s what you want to do.</p> <h2>Why we fight</h2> <p>There is a dilemma here: sometimes backing down from a conflict challenges our values of authenticity and commitment to our beliefs. If someone says something insulting, whether mild or <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216622002120">egregious</a>, it feels disingenuous and morally irresponsible to smooth things over. Some conflict is worth engaging, especially with someone you care about who is willing to listen and think about things. The complication is, that’s not always the case.</p> <p>Often when people argue about something they care about, they end up <a href="https://ttu-ir.tdl.org/handle/2346/16661">misaligned</a> or “talking at cross purposes”, where they’re not really even discussing the same thing anymore. Every conversation has a trajectory, but it’s entirely possible for a conversation to have <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2786745#metadata_info_tab_contents">parallel or divergent trajectories</a>. In such cases, it’s unlikely that any amount of <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351813.2019.1631044">good-faith discussion</a> is actually going to be <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216618304302?casa_token=y7CoCCptr6AAAAAA:LCHuB6-BRaH4HPIothLVX_ENhSPlfshapdyvxzk9LjlQa24WJyRM4sXF2_bFp6oiWAfWnsVIoK8">productive</a>.</p> <p>At the end of the day, it’s also worth considering what makes a person or conversation “difficult”. Assigning that word to someone <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1468-2885.2001.tb00234.x?casa_token=g5XfR-FKNLEAAAAA:GFvy6M4CY9IHrE51_NTEJDNgf6bdPqJZPX2Q2KZStBesgv8UIJDj7YTBnVMOSpRCDRWbX-DsmkQFaWQ">is not a neutral or objective</a> statement. Maybe you, in fact, are the “difficult person”. Maybe, for some kinds of conflict, you should want to be difficult. And maybe, sometimes, it’s alright to go outside and let off steam with a snowball fight.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/196751/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, Lecturer in Social Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/going-home-for-the-holidays-how-to-navigate-conflict-and-deal-with-difficult-people-196751">original article</a>.</em></p>

Family & Pets

Why Tim Minchin chose to go on stage after his mum died

<p>Tim Minchin has shared why he went ahead with his Sydney concert the day after his mother passed away. </p> <p>Just weeks ago, Minchin<a href="https://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/tim-minchin-s-tragic-mid-show-announcement" target="_blank" rel="noopener"> took to the stage</a> at Sydney's State Theatre for his An <em>Unfunny Evening with Tim Minchin and his Piano</em> concert in front of 2,000 fans.</p> <p>The performance went ahead like any other show, until at the end of the concert, he shared with the audience that his mum had passed away the day before, after a three-year battle with cancer.</p> <p>The confession left the audience stunned, and many were moved to tears as Minchin asked for help to sing the final song of the night, Leonard Cohen’s <em>Hallelujah</em>.</p> <p>On Wednesday night, Minchin told <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/tim-minchin-s-tragic-mid-show-announcement" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>news.com.au</em></a> that he wanted to still give his loyal fans an "honest" experience, and performing was his way of working through the devastating news. </p> <p>“I sort of didn’t know what else to do. I mean, that’s my job," he said. </p> <p>“I also really care that when I play gigs that people have an experience that feels honest, and it was the day after my mum died, so I thought I’d be honest about it."</p> <p>“Not because I wanted to manipulate them or get pity, but because everyone goes through those experiences, and that’s our job as artists to go, ‘I’ve experienced this and this is how I unpack it and maybe you’ll get something out of me talking about it and playing songs.”</p> <p>Minchin said he was proud of the show he put on that night in Sydney, but added, “I must admit, I can barely remember that night because I was just in this slightly otherworldly headspace”.</p> <p>After the moving performance in Sydney, audience members took to social media after the show, with comments including, “It felt like the audience held you in their arms during the final song, not a dry eye in the house”, and “Singing <em>Hallelujah</em> with 2000 other people … was by far the closest thing to a religious experience that I will ever have”.</p> <p>While Minchin's fans were all moved by the tribute to his mum, the musician was met with <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/health/caring/that-s-cheap-tim-minchin-attacked-by-former-senator-over-emotional-moment" target="_blank" rel="noopener">criticism</a> from <span style="caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px; background-color: #ffffff;">former government minister Amanda Vanstone, who </span><span style="caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px; background-color: #ffffff;">accused him of "cheapening" the experience by making it public. </span></p> <p><span style="caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px; background-color: #ffffff;">However, the public response to Vanstone's comments was swift and overwhelmingly negative.</span></p> <p style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 24px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;"><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Caring

"I can't go for that": Hall & Oates in bitter legal battle

<p>In a turn of events to rival any classic Hall & Oates song about heartbreak, betrayal and possibly a saxophone solo, the iconic musical duo has found themselves embroiled in a legal battle that might just be their most melodramatic performance yet.</p> <p>Daryl Hall, the soulful half of the duo, has accused longtime partner John Oates of committing the "ultimate partnership betrayal". Forget "Maneater", this is more like "Share Eater". In a court declaration that reads like the lyrics of a soulful ballad, Hall lamented the deterioration of his relationship with Oates, and trust us, it's not your typical "I can't go for that (no can do)" situation.</p> <p>The duo's joint venture, including trademarks, personal name and likeness rights, record royalty income and even the sacred social media assets, are now centre stage for a legal showdown. It's not quite the Hall & Oates Reunion Tour we were all hoping for.</p> <p>It appears Oates is planning to sell his share of Whole Oats Enterprises LLP without Hall's permission (cue dramatic music) – and Hall is not taking this lying down; he's filed a lawsuit to keep the transaction on pause, turning their dispute into a legal chart-topper.</p> <p>A judge has issued a temporary restraining order, effectively hitting the pause button on Oates' plan to part ways with Whole Oats Enterprises, with lawyers no doubt drafting lyrics for the inevitable courtroom musical as we speak.</p> <p>Oates, not one to let the accusations slide, fired back in his court filing, expressing disappointment in Hall's "inflammatory, outlandish, and inaccurate statements". He claims he's been trying to enhance their business partnership, but it seems like Hall might not be feeling the groove.</p> <p>The legal documents reveal that Hall is deeply troubled by the deterioration of their relationship, and who can blame him? It's not every day your musical partner decides to sell the band without even a courtesy call.</p> <p>Amid accusations of confidentiality breaches and timing that could rival the best plot twists, this court drama has all the elements of a hit '80s ballad. Will the duo find a way to harmonise once more, or is this the end of the road for Hall & Oates? We'll have to wait for the next verse in this legal serenade.</p> <p>In the meantime, keep those records spinning and maybe throw in some tissues for the emotional rollercoaster. It's a private affair gone public, and the fans are left wondering, "Did I miss the memo about this 'Global Divorce' album?"</p> <p><em>Image: Instagram</em></p>

Legal

"I’m not going to be cured". How breast cancer awareness and support sidelines people with metastatic disease

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophie-lewis-111177">Sophie Lewis</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/andrea-smith-15431">Andrea Smith</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/katherine-kenny-318175">Katherine Kenny</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a></em></p> <p>There have been incredible <a href="https://www.cancer.gov/types/breast/research">advances</a> in breast cancer diagnosis and treatment in recent years. And stories about celebrities who have “beaten” breast cancer continue to be a source of inspiration for many people.</p> <p>However, this emphasis on fighting, beating and surviving cancer shuts out the voices of those who will not survive. That is, the many people diagnosed with incurable, life-limiting metastatic breast cancer, <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/cancer/cancer-data-in-australia">which kills nine Australians every day</a> or nearly <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/cancer/cancer-data-in-australia">3,300 people</a> a year. Yet an <a href="https://www.bcna.org.au/latest-news/bcna-news/making-metastatic-breast-cancer-count/">estimated 10,000</a> Australians are living with the diagnosis.</p> <p>Being diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, as one of the authors has been, means ongoing treatment to live as long, and as well, as possible. It also means an ongoing need for emotional and practical support.</p> <p>However, society, health-care professionals, cancer advocacy organisations, even a patient’s closest family and friends, can struggle to understand what it is like to live with an incurable and life-limiting cancer and how best to provide support.</p> <h2>Why is there so little awareness?</h2> <p><a href="https://www.breastcancer.org/types/metastatic">Metastatic breast cancer</a>, also called stage four breast cancer, is the most serious form of breast cancer. Unlike early breast cancer that is contained within the breast or nearby lymph nodes, metastatic breast cancer has spread to other parts of the body, most often the bones, lungs, liver, or brain.</p> <p>There is no cure for metastatic breast cancer despite decades of advocacy, funding and research. Treatment continues for as long as it helps to control the cancer and is tolerated by the patient. Median survival is <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.5694/mja2.51687">two to three years</a>, although newer, novel treatments mean some patients are living much longer.</p> <p>As a society, we can be uncomfortable <a href="https://theconversation.com/before-you-go-are-you-in-denial-about-death-34056">talking about and facing death</a>. When it comes to cancer, we usually prefer focusing on good news stories. These narratives are often perceived to be better for fundraising and are reassuring for people newly diagnosed. But they fail to <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/1467-9566.13704">represent</a> the diversity and reality of cancer experiences.</p> <p>Despite considerable research into people with non-metastatic breast cancer, <a href="https://www.bcna.org.au/latest-news/bcna-news/making-metastatic-breast-cancer-count/">relatively little</a> is known about Australians with metastatic breast cancer.</p> <h2>Feeling silenced and unsupported</h2> <p>Through our <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/1467-9566.13704">research</a> we wanted to better understand people’s experiences of metastatic breast cancer. We interviewed 38 participants from around Australia with diverse experiences of metastatic breast cancer. Participants were recruited through breast cancer and community organisations.</p> <p>We found messages and public campaigns about cancer survivorship, which emphasise hope and positivity, drowned out the voices of those with metastatic breast cancer. The focus on “success stories” about surviving breast cancer made some people feel like it was their responsibility to “beat” cancer. If they didn’t, it was their own fault. </p> <p>As one interviewee told us: "I react quite badly to all the, ‘we’ve had breast cancer and we beat it and we’ve survived. Aren’t we fantastic.’ There’s almost a feeling if you haven’t beaten your breast cancer you haven’t tried hard enough."</p> <p>Silence around metastatic breast cancer was common in research participants’ experiences. It prevented many from connecting with others and to the support they needed. It even affected relationships with those closest to them leaving them feeling misunderstood: "They don’t realise I’ve got to be on treatment forever. I’m not going to be cured. I think society thinks everything can be fixed; metastatic breast cancer actually can’t be fixed."</p> <p>Sharing deep fears and worries about their life expectancy can leave people with metastatic breast cancer feeling drained rather than supported. Many participants reported having to support and shield family, friends, acquaintances and work colleagues from the reality of their terminal diagnosis.</p> <p>"You hide how you feel because you don’t want to be avoided […] You put on that big, happy face. But like an onion if you peeled the layers away, you’d find out what’s going on."</p> <p>While many participants wanted to join a community of people with metastatic breast cancer, they struggled to know how to find one. Those who did, emphasised how invaluable it had been: "Being able to identify with and know that these people really get me is a huge relief and it reduces the isolation."</p> <p>These findings echo <a href="https://www.bcna.org.au/media/alcjjmm2/bcna_member-survey-report_2017.pdf">previous research</a> demonstrating people with metastatic breast cancer have higher support needs than those with non-metastatic breast cancer. And these needs are <a href="https://www.bcna.org.au/media/alcjjmm2/bcna_member-survey-report_2017.pdf">less likely to be met</a> by <a href="https://bmchealthservres.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12913-022-08269-8">health care, support services</a>, family or friends.</p> <h2>A new path</h2> <p>Being diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer can be terrifying, lonely and create significant support needs. It is essential people with metastatic breast cancer have their <a href="https://ascopubs.org/doi/10.1200/OP.20.00183">voices listened to</a> and their needs met.</p> <p>Next steps should include:</p> <ul> <li> <p><a href="https://bcna-dxp.azureedge.net/media/d32bhdzf/bcna_making-metastatic-breast-cancer-count_2022.pdf">improving data collection by cancer registries</a> so we know exactly how many people in Australia have metastatic breast cancer</p> </li> <li> <p>increasing representation of people with metastatic breast cancer in advocacy, support organisations and research</p> </li> <li> <p>nationwide access to peer-to-peer programs and professionally led metastatic breast cancer support groups.</p> </li> </ul> <p>We must ensure people with metastatic breast cancer are the ones to speak to their experience and needs. As a colleague with metastatic breast cancer said: "I read an article written by an early-stage breast cancer ‘survivor’. It felt like someone describing winter when they had only ever experienced autumn."</p> <p>If you or someone you know has metastatic breast cancer, these organisations may be able to support you or connect you with others with the same diagnosis:</p> <ul> <li> <p><a href="https://www.bcna.org.au">Breast Cancer Network Australia</a> for information and support</p> </li> <li> <p><a href="https://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au/">McGrath Foundation</a> for information about access to metastatic breast care nurses.</p> </li> </ul> <hr /> <p><em>The authors would like to thank the members of Breast Cancer Network Australia’s Metastatic Breast Cancer Lived Experience Reference Group for their review of this article.</em><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/215458/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophie-lewis-111177">Sophie Lewis</a>, Senior Lecturer, University of Sydney, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/andrea-smith-15431">Andrea Smith</a>, Research fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/katherine-kenny-318175">Katherine Kenny</a>, ARC DECRA Senior Research Fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/im-not-going-to-be-cured-how-breast-cancer-awareness-and-support-sidelines-people-with-metastatic-disease-215458">original article</a>.</em></p>

Caring

"F*** off, go home": Sam Newman loses it at podcast co-host

<p>Sam Newman's podcast could be on the rocks after an expletive-ridden tirade caused a rift between the pair. </p> <p>The former AFL player hosts the <em>You Cannot Be Serious</em> podcast with Don Scott, who stormed off in the middle of a recording. </p> <p>The<em> Herald Sun</em> first reported Newman’s foul-mouthed blow up at Scott over technical issues they were having in the studio. </p> <p>“Holy s**t. Jesus Christ, if you touch that f***ing thing again. Stop it, I’m serious, f*** you, God almighty,” Newman said.</p> <p>Newman went on to say: “I can’t do it. If you could f***ing do something properly for once in your f***ing life, don’t touch the microphone and speak into it and stop eating. F***. Go out, go home.”</p> <p>As Scott appeared to walk away, Newman said, “Good, f*** off”.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cx9g3W9vuRB/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cx9g3W9vuRB/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by John ‘Sam’ Newman (@originalsmartassam)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Newman posted a video to his Instagram page to promote the episode of the podcast, with his producer saying, "We've just had the biggest blow up that I've ever seen, and I don't know if Don is going to be back."</p> <p>Sam then chimed in, saying "Don has left the premises! This podcast could be the last one we ever do because he left!"</p> <p>Newman and Scott have both spoken publicly since the argument with Newman admitting he “temporarily lost it” when Scott broke a microphone and headphones.</p> <p>When approached by the <em>Herald Sun</em> for a comment on the blow up, Don Scott refused to confirm if he would ever return to the podcast, leaving its future up in the air. </p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images / Instagram </em></p>

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What do people think about when they go to sleep?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/melinda-jackson-169319">Melinda Jackson</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065">Monash University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/hailey-meaklim-151642">Hailey Meaklim</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p>You’re lying in bed, trying to fall asleep but the racing thoughts won’t stop. Instead, your brain is busy making detailed plans for the next day, replaying embarrassing <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@ryanhdlombard/video/7052464974324583681?q=sleep%20thoughts&t=1693536926124">moments</a> (“why did I say that?”), or producing seemingly random thoughts (“where is my birth certificate?”).</p> <p>Many social media users have shared <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@komasawn/video/7267320333613419818">videos</a> on how to fall asleep faster by <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@lilslvrtt/video/7225272823562997000">conjuring</a> up “<a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@ekai.is.okay/video/7169530076143439131?q=fake%20scenario%20fall%20asleep&t=1693537172625">fake scenarios</a>”, such as a romance storyline where you’re the main character.</p> <p>But what does the research say? Does what we think about before bed influence how we sleep?</p> <h2>How you think in bed affects how you sleep</h2> <p>It turns out people who sleep well and those who sleep poorly have different kinds of thoughts before bed.</p> <p><a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1087079219302217">Good sleepers report</a> experiencing mostly visual sensory images as they drift to sleep – seeing people and objects, and having dream-like experiences.</p> <p>They may have less ordered thoughts and more hallucinatory experiences, such as imagining you’re participating in events in the real world.</p> <p>For people with insomnia, pre-sleep thoughts tend to be less visual and more focused on planning and problem-solving. These thoughts are also generally more unpleasant and less random than those of good sleepers.</p> <p>People with insomnia are also more likely to stress about sleep as they’re <em>trying</em> to sleep, leading to a vicious cycle; putting effort into sleep actually wakes you up more.</p> <p>People with insomnia often <a href="https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1348/014466500163284">report</a> worrying, planning, or thinking about important things at bedtime, or focusing on problems or noises in the environment and having a general preoccupation with not sleeping.</p> <p>Unfortunately, all this pre-sleep mental activity can prevent you drifting off.</p> <p>One <a href="https://academic.oup.com/sleep/article/27/1/69/2707948">study</a> found even people who are normally good sleepers can have sleep problems if they’re stressed about something at bedtime (such as the prospect of having to give a speech when they wake up). Even <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17884278/">moderate levels of stress at bedtime</a> could affect sleep that night.</p> <p>Another <a href="https://jcsm.aasm.org/doi/full/10.5664/jcsm.6704">study</a> of 400 young adults looked at how binge viewing might affect sleep. The researchers found higher levels of binge viewing were associated with poorer sleep quality, more fatigue, and increased insomnia symptoms. “Cognitive arousal”, or mental activation, caused by an interesting narrative and identifying with characters, could play a role.</p> <p>The good news is there are techniques you can use to change the style and content of your pre-sleep thoughts. They could help reduce nighttime cognitive arousal or to replace unwanted thoughts with more pleasant ones. These techniques are called “cognitive refocusing”.</p> <h2>What is cognitive refocusing?</h2> <p>Cognitive refocusing, developed by US psychology researcher <a href="https://artsandsciences.syracuse.edu/people/faculty/gellis-phd-les-a/">Les Gellis</a>, involves distracting yourself with pleasant thoughts before bed. It’s like the “fake scenarios” social media users post about – but the trick is to think of a scenario that’s not <em>too</em> interesting.</p> <p>Decide <em>before</em> you go to bed what you’ll focus on as you lie there waiting for sleep to come.</p> <p>Pick an engaging cognitive task with enough scope and breadth to maintain your interest and attention – without causing emotional or physical arousal. So, nothing too scary, thrilling or stressful.</p> <p>For example, if you like interior decorating, you might imagine redesigning a room in your house.</p> <p>If you’re a football fan, you might mentally replay a passage of play or imagine a game plan.</p> <p>A music fan might mentally recite lyrics from their favourite album. A knitter might imagine knitting a blanket.</p> <p>Whatever you choose, make sure it’s suited to you and your interests. The task needs to feel pleasant, without being overstimulating.</p> <p>Cognitive refocusing is not a silver bullet, but it can help.</p> <p>One <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/07448481.2022.2109031">study</a> of people with insomnia found those who tried cognitive refocusing had significant improvements in insomnia symptoms compared to a control group.</p> <h2>How ancient wisdom can help us sleep</h2> <p>Another age-old technique is mindfulness meditation.</p> <p>Meditation practice can increase our self-awareness and make us more aware of our thoughts. This can be useful for helping with rumination; often when we try to block or stop thoughts, it can make matters worse.</p> <p>Mindfulness training can help us recognise when we’re getting into a rumination spiral and allow us to sit back, almost like a passive observer.</p> <p>Try just watching the thoughts, without judgement. You might even like to say “hello” to your thoughts and just let them come and go. Allow them to be there and see them for what they are: just thoughts, nothing more.</p> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-021-01714-5">Research from our group</a> has shown mindfulness-based therapies can help people with insomnia. It may also help people with <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s11920-022-01370-z">psychiatric conditions</a> such as bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and schizophrenia get more sleep.</p> <h2>What can help ease your pre-sleep thoughts?</h2> <p>Good sleep starts the moment you wake up. To give yourself your best shot at a good night’s sleep, start by getting up at the same time each day and getting some morning light exposure (regardless of how much sleep you had the night before).</p> <p>Have a consistent bedtime, reduce technology use in the evening, and do regular exercise during the day.</p> <p>If your mind is busy at bedtime, try cognitive refocusing. Pick a “fake scenario” that will hold your attention but not be too scary or exciting. Rehearse this scenario in your mind at bedtime and enjoy the experience.</p> <p>You might also like to try:</p> <ul> <li> <p>keeping a consistent bedtime routine, so your brain can wind down</p> </li> <li> <p>writing down worries earlier in the day (so you don’t think about them at bedtime)</p> </li> <li> <p>adopting a more self-compassionate mindset (don’t beat yourself up at bedtime over your imagined shortcomings!).<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/207406/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> </li> </ul> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/melinda-jackson-169319"><em>Melinda Jackson</em></a><em>, Associate Professor at Turner Institute for Brain and Mental Health, School of Psychological Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065">Monash University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/hailey-meaklim-151642">Hailey Meaklim</a>, Sleep Psychologist and Researcher, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p><em>Image </em><em>credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-do-people-think-about-when-they-go-to-sleep-207406">original article</a>.</em></p>

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What do people think about when they go to sleep?

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What do people think about when they go to sleep?

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