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6 ways to be more supportive to those closest to you

Susan Krauss Whitbourne is a professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. She writes the Fulfilment at Any Age blog for Psychology Today. During difficult periods of life, such as experiencing a tragic loss or sudden break-up, those you care about need you to be there for them. At other times, your loved ones may not need help, but at least would like some support and encouragement. It’s well known that receiving social support is one of the best and most effective ways to cope with stress. People who perceive themselves to be supported are also most likely to be happier, and may even live longer than those who don’t. New research on social support for parents of autistic children shows just how you can be the person on whom your loved ones can most rely. The ageing parents of adult children with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) undoubtedly face major challenges in their daily life and, according to this new research, benefit tremendously from the type of social support that friends and loved ones can provide. Christine Marsack, in the School of Social Work at Eastern Michigan University, teamed up with Preethy Samuel of Wayne State University (2017), to investigate the role of social support in mediating the amount of perceived burden and quality of life. As the authors point out, caregiving research on adult children and their ageing parents has typically focused on predicting burden in the children. There is far less known about what happens to ageing parents when it’s the children themselves who are in need of caregiving. The Michigan team based their work on the cognitive model of stress and coping, in which it’s the appraisal of an event as stressful that leads it to have a negative impact on the individual. In the case of parents of children with ASD, after coping with the challenge of receiving the diagnosis itself, their next step is to come “to grips with the condition and obtain access to support services to assist with caregiving” (p. 2379). The question that Marsack and Samuel investigated was whether formal or informal social support would have ameliorating effects on parental stress. Using a sample of 320 parents aged 50 and older, the majority of whom were under 70 years of age, the research team administered an online survey inquiring about psychological quality of life, perception of caregiving burden, contact with formal support agencies, and perceived degree of informal social support. Formal supports were used heavily by sample members, including psychiatric, financial, counselling, and adult day care, for example. Even the relatively wide range of opportunities to get help in this way was not enough to stave off the effects of perceived burden on parental mental health outcomes. Instead, it was their answers to a six-item questionnaire of informal support that proved to be key in reducing their perceived stress. The questionnaire used by Marsack and Samuel was one developed for use in assessing perceived availability of social support by coronary heart disease patients that has been widely adapted to other situations. It’s from this measure, known as the Enhancing Recovery in Coronary Heart Disease (ENRICHD) Social Support Index (ESSI), that we can now look to see how you can support people coping with challenges in their own lives right now: 1. Be available to listen. The ESSI asks whether there is someone who will be available to listen when needed. This means that you provide a sounding board when the person who needs your support approaches you. It doesn’t mean that you provide help regardless of whether you’re being asked for it. Let the person you care about know that you’re willing to listen, uncritically, when the situation demands it. 2. Be available with advice. When you are approached for help, providing advice can prove to be very supportive. Again, providing unsolicited advice isn’t perceived as particularly supportive, but being ready for it when asked will help ensure that your advice hits a receptive audience. 3. Show love and affection. Without providing anything in the way of objective support, it’s often enough just to know that someone cares to help get the stressed individual through tough times. The love and affection could be of the face-to-face form, and it's probably best when it is, but it can also come in the form of virtual cheers. 4. Help out every now and then with daily chores or by running errands. This is something you need to be able to do in person, so if you live some distance away from the individual you would like to support, it may mean that you take a trip there every few months to do some of the heavy lifting around the house, or just help with some on-site logistics. 5. Support the individual during the decision-making process. The person you care about may have to come up with plans that require more than just a sounding board or advice. Being patiently willing to go through the steps required to solve the problem can give the person you care about a more balanced perspective than would be possible if he or she were making this decision alone. 6. Be a person who the person you care about can trust and confide in. The ESSI inquires about being actually present, but if this isn’t feasible, that quality of being trustworthy seems to be key. Caring for an adult child with ASD may have led some of the parents to wish they could talk about their frustrations, perhaps even about those they felt toward their spouse, with someone outside the relationship. Worrying that the person they told might violate that trust would only add to the stress of their situation. You might think it’s enough for the person you care about to sign up for an established support network or to be able to receive financial or emergency assistance. The Marsack and Samuel study shows that the quality of the friendship, trust, and sensitivity you provide that can make an even greater difference. There’s no way to avoid all of the stressful situations that life can present, whether through family situations, work problems, or emergencies. Fulfillment in our relationships involves, as this study shows, that willingness to give the support that will make the most difference in helping those we care about. Written by Susan Krauss Whitbourne. Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/files/attachments/4141/the-neuroscience-joyful-education-judy-willis-md.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Psychology Today</a>. Images: Getty

Relationships

“The best thing I’ve ever done”: Answering the COPD wake-up call

Brian is a 62-year-old Aussie bloke from Bendigo who once enjoyed a variety of different sports. He had led a very active lifestyle, was a keen fisherman, and loved playing footy. However, all that changed when, at just 47, he was diagnosed with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). COPD is a chronic and progressive lung condition, sometimes also diagnosed as emphysema or chronic bronchitis, that can cause your airways to narrow and become obstructed and inflamed, making breathing difficult.1 Unfortunately, there is no cure for COPD but there are management plans available – it’s just a matter of knowing what’s best for you. Which is exactly why Brian is sharing his own experience of the moment he became aware of certain symptoms, and proactively discussing his condition with his doctor to manage his COPD and remain as active as he can. The impact of COPD is staggering, making it the fifth leading cause of death and leading cause of preventable hospitalisations in Australia alone – and the third leading cause of death worldwide.2,3 What’s more, the prevalence of COPD increases with age, mostly occurring in people aged 45 and over.2 When Brian was initially diagnosed, he was interested in learning as much as he could about COPD but was not ready to make specific lifestyle changes at that time. Then in 2015, he was also diagnosed with a heart condition, which shares some of the same risk factors as COPD. For Brian, this major health scare was a wake-up call, and he started to take more notice of his symptoms, particularly his breathing. Brian’s new approach included proactively talking to his doctor to understand his COPD – and in particular to know the difference between his “normal everyday symptoms” and the symptoms he felt when his COPD was worsening, and he was having a flare-up. In this context, a "flare-up" constituted a worsening of COPD symptoms that went beyond the normal day-to-day changes, and which needed additional medication as treatment.1 For Brian, in terms of managing his COPD proactively, this has been the key. “The best thing I’ve ever done is create a plan (with my doctor). Because every time you have a flare-up, it causes more damage to your lungs. If you’ve been diagnosed with COPD, do something about it straight away.” Like Brian, there are countless Australians living with COPD who may not be aware of the difference between normal fluctuations in their symptoms and a COPD flare-up that could impact their overall health, and requires medical intervention.1 Understanding the difference between your “normal everyday symptoms” versus your “signs of a flare-up” can ensure treatment is started as early as possible and may greatly improve the quality of your life. 1 This is why <a href="https://www.beflareaware.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.beflareaware.com.au</a> gives both patients and caregivers free access to an extensive wealth of information. The website provides more information about the disease and how to recognise the symptoms of an exacerbation, or a flare-up, and take action early. The raft of easy-use-tools include interactive videos, quizzes and advice from healthcare professionals. “COPD does creep up on you,” recalls Brian. “Suddenly you are getting puffed out doing everyday activities like walking to the car or along the beach. For me, everything started to become more of a chore, and I was constantly struggling to breathe.” <img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/11/O60_Brian_Evoke-10_1280.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="720" /> Upon reflection, Brian recalled how COPD had started to impact his relationships with his family and friends too, just as he was coming to terms with the importance of managing his condition. “I have always loved footy,” he says. “My grandson and I used to kick the footy at the local park. He’d be up one end and I on the other. We weren’t even half a dozen kicks in before I was totally out of steam, and I had to sit down. For me, quality time with the grandkids is so important. I told myself, if my grandson wants to kick the footy, then I should be kicking the footy with him to the best of my ability.” Brian started to take a proactive role in his health, including speaking to his doctors about finding a plan to manage his COPD, like taking note of the difference between his “normal everyday symptoms” and when he’s having a flare-up and taking action as soon as he notices one beginning; as well as making important lifestyle changes like quitting smoking and putting a healthy diet and sustainable exercise regime first. “We know our bodies catch up to us as we get older and it’s something many of us find difficult to accept,” he explains. “Knowing the signs and symptoms of issues that aren’t necessarily related to ageing, such as breathing, is critical.” Today, Brian’s lungs are operating at just 37% of normal capacity, which means any form of exertion is difficult. Despite these challenges, Brian has become very flare-aware and actively manages his COPD so that he is able to maintain activities that are important to him. Brian encourages other people living with COPD to take action as early as possible to best manage their condition too. <a href="https://www.beflareaware.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/11/O60_BeFlareAware_videoThumb_02_1280.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="659" /></a> “In everything I do, from taking out the rubbish or going for a walk, I need to pace myself,” he says. “I always say that I could have made more of a difference to how I’m living now if I had taken action earlier and made lifestyle changes straight away.” Brian urges anybody who has been living with COPD to take the diagnosis seriously and <a href="https://www.beflareaware.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">seek out resources</a> to help you become flare-aware. Early recognition and the ability to manage the disease is important as it can minimise negative impacts of COPD and help prevent future flare-ups.1 If you or someone you care for are feeling overwhelmed by a COPD diagnosis and would like to become more proactive in your management of COPD, <a href="https://www.beflareaware.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.beflareaware.com.au</a> is an excellent resource to educate both patients and caregivers – and also includes useful links and information created by Lung Foundation Australia. Check out the video below to hear more of Brian’s inspiring story, and to find out how you can live better and Be Flare Aware. <a href="https://www.beflareaware.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/11/O60_BeFlareAware_videoThumb_1280.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="644" /></a> References: 1. Lung Foundation Australia. COPD Factsheet. <a href="https://lungfoundation.com.au/resources/copd-fact-sheet/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://lungfoundation.com.au/resources/copd-fact-sheet/</a> [Last accessed: September 2022] 2. AIHW. Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). Available at: <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/chronic-respiratory-conditions/copd/contents/deaths" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/chronic-respiratory-conditions/copd/contents/deaths</a> [Last accessed: September 2022]. 3. Quaderi SA, Hurst JR. The unmet global burden of COPD. Glob Health Epidemiol Genom. 2018; 3: e4. Published 2018 Apr 6. Images: Supplied This is a sponsored article produced in partnership with AstraZeneca’s <a href="https://www.beflareaware.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Be Flare Aware</a> campaign.

Body

"Find a life worth enjoying": Dame Deborah's final letter to her family

Dame Deborah James wrote a heartwarming letter to her family in her final days before succumbing to bowel cancer at the age of 40. The popular British media personality, mother-of-two and podcaster who raised millions of dollars for charity <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/news/news/vale-dame-deborah" target="_blank" rel="noopener">passed away</a> “peacefully” on June 28. In a section of a book titled How To Live When You Could Be Dead, Dame Deborah penned the final letter which her family would be left with. “I am currently sitting here next to the love of my life, Sebastien,” the letter began. “I never quite knew if you could really have a love of your life, but I now know what the very core of unquestioned love is between two people. “I have always loved my husband. I fancied him from when I first met him, and I knew I would marry him after our third date. It was clear to me that, while he wasn’t perfect, there was something about him that was right for me.” She then reflected on their time together and said it was so important to take time for the marriage and how sometimes you forget your loved one is there when life gets busy. “It’s easy to forget that the person you love is still there in front of you when things are clouded by the annoyance of childcare logistics, money pressures and living like ships in the night,” her letter continued. <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CfXIN1-ob4X/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CfXIN1-ob4X/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Deborah James (@bowelbabe)</a> </div> </blockquote> “I wish I had learned at a young age that making time for your marriage to work should be as much a part of your timetable as going to the gym or cleaning your teeth. “It’s important that you don’t allow the big arguments to build up, when all you really want is to forget about everything and cuddle the one person who you love.” Dame Deborah then got candid about her feelings following her diagnosis with cancer, confessing that she felt “robbed” for not being able to be herself. “As cancer brings my life to an end, I feel this cruel realisation that I’m not fully able to be myself with the one person I have adored and needed in my life more than anyone else,” she wrote. “I feel robbed of the freedom of a body without pain to kiss with, the freedom for us to make whimsical plans for our future and retirement together. “Our goals and dreams have had to be adjusted week by week and day by day, depending on my cancer.” The media personality then reached a part for her children Hugo and Eloise as she recalled precious memories she had while raising them. “I’ve learned that there are many ways to parent — nothing is right or wrong as long as there is love,” she wrote. “There are mental snapshots of being a parent that will never leave you. But the beautifully etched memories that will come to you in your death are not necessarily the ones you might expect. “One of my first is of Hugo when he was four days old. He was lying next to me in our double bed in our flat, and he was looking for my breast to feed on — he was yellow and had a big conehead. “I remember looking at this little 6lb ball cradled against my tummy and thinking that it was only at this point that I had begun to understand what love was. “I now look at that same 14-year-old boy, who still takes the time to cuddle up next to me on the sofa, and I would give anything to continue being able to protect him in the way I did when he was just four days old.” Dame Deborah then ended with a reminder, telling readers that it is okay to relax and take time for yourself. “Take time out. Relaxing isn’t an indulgence — it’s a form of refilling ourselves. None of us can drink from empty cups. “Each day, do things that make you happy — build them into your life and never criticise others for the things that make them happy. “Every day we wake not knowing if we will see the full 24 hours of the day, so as the sun comes up on a new day, we should feel blessed. “We are given 86,400 seconds every day, and we each choose how to use them. “It is only as they begin to slip away from us that we understand the value of each and every one of those seconds.” You can read the entire letter from Dame Deborah James from How To Live When You Could Be Dead, by Deborah James out on August 18, 2022. Images: Instagram

Caring

Lisa Wilkinson’s book price slashed by 70 percent

The price of Lisa Wilkinson’s new book has been slashed by more than 70 percent. The former Today Show co-host released a memoir called It Wasn't Meant To Be Like This in November 2021, which addressed – among other things – her pay dispute with Karl Stefanovic. However, her book was not well received as the RRP took a massive cut by up to more than 70 percent at some retailers. Kmart was selling a paperback copy of the memoir for $24 and placed it on clearance for a measly $6. Big W had the book for RRP $45 and slashed a massive 73 percent off the pricing to just $12. Amazon also had the book for $12 with only Booktopia and Dymocks keeping the price at $36 and $45 respectively. Despite the price cuts on her book, it has now been revealed that Wilkinson is making money off it in a different way. The Project host is promoting her memoir at exclusive women’s networking breakfast group Business Chicks, where attendees are also being charged the full $45 for her book. She also held an event at the luxurious Melbourne Crown Palladium to a sold-out crowd of more than 500 attendees. Tickets to the event ranged from $145 to $185 per seat. In an Instagram post in April, Wilkinson promoted her new book tour “after a couple of false starts at the end of last year, courtesy of good old COVID”. <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/tv/CcfEm0IhvYR/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/tv/CcfEm0IhvYR/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Lisa Wilkinson (@lisa_wilkinson)</a> </div> </blockquote> “I’ll be telling the stories BEHIND the stories in the book, the truth about some of the headlines you may have read in recent times, the many lessons I’ve learnt across the years, the people I’ve met, and why the book almost didn’t happen,” her caption read. “And if you already have the book, please bring it along for me to sign, or you can purchase one on the day, and I’ll be signing those too.” She went on to convince attendees about the event which would include some “darn good coffee” as well as a great networking space. “And again, thank you to everyone who continues to send me messages, stop me in the street, and share their thoughts in book clubs around the country about how much the book has meant to them…you sincerely have no idea how much your feedback has, in turn, meant to me. Thank you.” Image: Instagram

Books

Eddie McGuire reveals Who Wants To Be A Millionaire contestant suspected of cheating

<div class="post_body_wrapper"> <div class="post_body"> <div class="body_text redactor-styles redactor-in"> Eddie McGuire revealed the time he suspected a contestant of cheating on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? and had security search the man for a wire. He shared the incident during an interview with Kyle and Jackie O on KIIS FM this morning. “I thought … absolutely something was wrong,” the game show host said. The contestant was the second person to win the million dollars on the Australian show, Martin Flood. “He just had this peculiar way of answering a question,” McGuire said. “He was going all over the place.” “We actually checked him to see if he had a wire on because we thought maybe he had somebody outside and he had a phone attached to his calf. It was just so odd what was going on.” Turns out Mr Flood was just nervous because he wanted to win. “He was fantastic and he’d relaxed,” the host said. “What we found out is that he (Mr Flood) took a year off work to study every question he could get his hands on from around the world. He also studied me for any ticks or any gives that I was giving.” Mr Flood agreed and shared the incident to the <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.smh.com.au/national/nsw/where-are-they-now-who-wants-to-be-a-millionaire-s-20th-anniversary-20190418-p51fcd.html" target="_blank">Sydney Morning Herald</a> to explain how intense he was. “I watched every episode of every quiz show I could, I read many trivia books and I went to many trivia nights. “I could hardly chat with anyone without trying to turn the conversation to last week’s episode,” he said. </div> </div> </div>

6 marriage tips from grandmas you’d be a fool not to follow

Be careful what you look for because you might just find it “My great grandmother always told me to be careful what you go fishing for because you may come out with snakes. As a therapist, I share this with my clients when they are suspicious of what their partner are doing. They may think they want to know everything but are the results worth the fallout from that information? Often we tend to think we are ready to know all the dirty details only to realize we were better off before.” —<a href="http://www.shannonbattle.com/">Shannon Battle</a>, licensed professional counsellor Saying no has a price “My grandmother told me, ‘What you won’t do for your man, another woman will.’ As a married woman, I’m finally beginning to understand the wisdom in her advice. Sometimes we get comfortable and think our spouse will never look elsewhere. Marriage can get stale so it’s important to be open to making adjustments as we go through different experience, age, or change.” —Shannon Battle It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it “As a child, my Southern grandmother taught me that successful relationships were more a result of character than content. As such, her favourite saying was ‘You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.’ Now that I work as a marriage counsellor I see how true that is. It’s important to always speak kindly even in tense situations as kind words help couples establish and maintain habits of fair and equitable collaboration that creates a stronger bond.” —Bill Benson, licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical counsellor at The Mental Gym Let him (or her) win “When I first got married my grandma told me to ‘always let him win.’ At the time, I didn’t like this advice because I didn’t think it was fair. Why should I always let him win? As I got older and more mature, I see her point and see why this is such an amazing way to be in a relationship. It’s not that we get taken advantage of, or let ourselves be used or abused, but it’s about letting your partner win with the small things. It’s about compromising for the sake of a peaceful marriage. You give in to smaller conflicts for the good of the whole, and for a more peaceful union.” —<a href="http://www.karennaalexander.com/">Karenna Alexander</a>, dating and relationship coach, based in Connecticut and New York City Have a hot meal ready “My grandma always had a delicious meal waiting for my grandfather and told me to do the same. At first when I heard her saying this it seemed outdated and even a little silly. I figured a guy should love me for me, not for my cooking skills. And it’s true, if you have a good guy, you aren’t going to lose him if you are a bad cook. But that said, cooking a meal for someone you love is a way of showing them love and that a you are there for them every day. It’s a form of communication, even on days when you both are exhausted and have nothing left. It’s a way of communicating love and creativity and caring, even when words aren’t spoken.” —Karenna Alexander Pretend you can’t open the pickle jar “My grandparents were married for 41 years and my grandma told me her secret: ‘Sometimes you have to let the other person feel needed, even if they aren’t.’ She explained how she would have my grandfather do little things like filing papers, or opening jars for her. She knew how to open a tight jar herself but she would still leave the tight jars until he came home from work. ‘Nobody wants to feel like you don’t need them to do nothing!’ she’d tell me. I understood later in life that even though I can change my own tire, my significant other wants to feel like he is the only one who can do it. And I am okay with that.” —Whitney Tillery, relationship coach and blogger at <a href="http://shewriteablog.com/">shewriteablog.com</a> (Here are <a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/happy-marriage-feel-loved/1">12 other tiny ways to make your spouse feel loved</a>.) Written by Charlotte Hilton Andersen. This article first appeared in <a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/marriage-tips-from-grandmas-youd-be-a-fool-not-to-follow/">Reader’s Digest</a><a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/marriage-tips-from-grandmas-youd-be-a-fool-not-to-follow/">.</a> For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, <a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&utm_medium=articles&utm_campaign=RDSUB&keycode=WRA87V">here’s our best subscription offer.</a> <img style="width: 100px !important; height: 100px !important;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7820640/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f30947086c8e47b89cb076eb5bb9b3e2" />

Caring

Watch out! These 7 phone call scams could steal your money

1. “Can you hear me?” Pause before speaking if a caller starts by asking, “Can you hear me?” Scammers are looking for a specific answer, says Eva Velasquez, CEO and president of the US-based Identity Theft Resource Center. “By getting you to answer ‘yes’ to that one question at the very beginning of the call – as opposed to somewhere in the middle of the conversation, where dubbing would be more obvious – scammers can record your affirmative answer,” she says. They can use that recording to claim you agreed to pay for some scam program. Even if it looks like the call is from someone you know, rephrase your answer to “I hear you just fine” to be safe, suggests Velasquez. 2. IRD and ATO impersonators Don’t freak out if someone claiming to be from the Australian Tax Office (or, in New Zealand, the Inland Revenue Department) calls to collect money. Scammers use fear tactics and threaten to send the police if you don’t pay up immediately, but don’t fall for it. Government bodies such as the IRD and ATO will commonly get in touch with you in the mail, on official letterhead. Even if the callers don't ask for money, they could prey on your information by asking you to verify your identity. They might even quote information you’d think only the ATO or IRD could know, like what you paid in taxes last year, but that doesn’t mean you can trust them with your private details. Hang up and call a phone number you can verify online. 3. Bank calls The ATO or the IRD won't call, but your bank might, which makes it harder to figure out if it’s the real deal. Plus, it makes sense that your bank would need to confirm your identity to protect your account. If your bank calls and asks you to confirm if transactions are legitimate, feel free to give a yes or no. But don’t give up any more information than that, says Adam Levin, founder of global identity protection and data risk services firm CyberScout and author of Swiped: How to Protect Yourself in a World Full of Scammers, Phishers, and Identity Thieves. Some scammers rattle off your credit card number and expiration date, then ask you to say your security code as confirmation, he says. Others will claim they froze your credit card because you might be a fraud victim, then ask for your pin number or other secure details. Only give out that kind of information out if you made the call – and don’t just use the number that contacted you. “Flip your credit card or debit card over, look at the number, call customer service and ask if you guys just called me,” says Levin. “They have on the computer if they did or didn’t.” 4. Tech support If someone claiming to be from Microsoft, Apple, or another tech company calls to ask if you’ve had computer problems, just say no and hang up. “No one is ‘watching’ your computer for signs of a virus,” says Velasquez. Those scammers won’t fix the problem – they’ll make it worse by installing malware, says cybersecurity expert John Sileo. What’s worse, you might not connect those later problems to that scam call. The fake tech support put it in your head that your computer is slow, so you might think it’s normal when you notice it's lagging later on, he says. 5. Grandparent scam Scammers sometimes target elderly people, pretending to be a grandchild. On a crackly line, they’ll say they’re in trouble – maybe they lost their wallet in a foreign country – and need you to send money, says Levin. Unless you can confirm it's actually a relative, don't give any money. “If you are truly concerned, gather the appropriate information from the scammers and hang up,” says Velasquez. “Confirm your grandchild’s safety before doing anything else.” 6. Lucky winner Congrats, you just won a million dollars! If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. That big cash prize or amazing holiday sounds too tempting to ignore, but real contests only enter you if you ask. “In a legitimate lottery or sweepstakes, you have to enter the contest somehow,” says Velasquez. “If you ever ‘win’ a prize that you didn’t enter – especially one with a prize worth millions of dollars – you’re probably being scammed.” Even if you did enter a lottery, don't trust a supposed tax collector who contacts you. You would need to pay taxes on your winnings eventually, but never before you receive the money, says Velasquez. 7. Donation collections When charities and other non-profits request donations over the phone, it's OK to show a little healthy scepticism. “Some will be legitimate. Many will not,” says Levin. “Risk being rude and saying you will call back or say ‘Then send me something. I want to read about it.’” If it is a cause you care about, do a little digging online to figure out if it’s a real charity. Even legitimate charities might not live up to their good-deed claims though. Verify from a third party like <a href="http://www.changepath.com.au/">changepath.com.au</a> in Australia, which rates organisations on factors like how transparent they are with administrative costs and the general availability of their financial reports, or <a href="https://www.register.charities.govt.nz/CharitiesRegister/Search">register.charities.govt.nz/CharitiesRegister/Search</a> in New Zealand. Written by Marissa Laliberte and Greg Barton. This article first appeared in <a href="http://www.readersdigest.com.au/money/watch-out_these-7-phone-call-scams-could-steal-your-money?page=5">Reader’s Digest</a><a href="http://www.readersdigest.com.au/money/watch-out_these-7-phone-call-scams-could-steal-your-money?page=5">.</a> For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, <a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&utm_medium=articles&utm_campaign=RDSUB&keycode=WRA87V">here’s our best subscription offer.</a> <img style="width: 100px !important; height: 100px !important;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7820640/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f30947086c8e47b89cb076eb5bb9b3e2" />

Legal

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire contestant loses $166K after audience gives wrong answer

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire in the UK saw an unlucky contestant lose £93,000 ($116,450 AUD) because he decided to side with the audience on a literature question. As Oliver Blake, 24, got closer towards the end of the game show, the questions increased in difficulty. He had already won £125,000 ($223,723 AUD) and could’ve walked away with the cash. However, Blake was interested in doubling his money to £250,000 ($447,451 AUD) and decided to stay and see what the question was. The tricky literature question said: "3 May. Bistritz. Left Munich at 8:35pm" are the opening words to which novel? <ol> <li>Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy</li> <li>Dracula</li> <li>Heart of Darkness</li> <li>Frankenstein</li> </ol> As the financial analyst had not read any of the four books that were the answers, he used his 50:50 lifeline that allowed him to remove two wrong answers. As the answers were removed, Blake still had no idea and decided to ask the audience for their thoughts. With UK host, Jeremy Clarkson, egging on the contestant by saying: “If you get it right you've got a quarter of a million and you're two questions from the big one.” It’s clear that tensions were high and Blake explained that: “I imagined many of them would have read at least one of the books and would known the answer.” With the audience voting in extremely highly favoured odds for Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, that’s the answer that Blake went with – 81% of the audience voted in favour of that answer. He said: “I think let's go with... let's do it. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, final answer.” The audience, Blake and Clarkson waited with anticipation to see what answer was the correct one. As the audience groaned, the correct answer flashed across the screen: Dracula. Clarkson stated: “It's the wrong answer. What an absolute nightmare, it's Dracula.” However, the contestant took it in his stride as well, saying that “it’s something I now know”. As he walked off the stage, he went home with reduced winnings of £32,000 pounds ($57,000 AUD). Not a bad haul, but not as good as what he could have had. Did you know the correct answer? Let us know in the comments.

Mind

Melania Trump’s bold claim: “I'm the most bullied person in the world”

Melania Trump has said she is fed up with being the target of what she sees as constant bullying and criticism since her husband, US President Donald Trump, took office. In a no-holds-barred <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/news/news/melania-trump-speaks-out-about-donald-trump-s-affairs-in-tv-interview" target="_blank">interview</a> titled Being Melania – The First Lady airing on America’s ABC Network, Melania made the bold claim, stating, “I could say that I'm the most bullied person in the world.” Mrs Trump then backtracked slightly, saying she was “one of them – if you really see what people are saying about me.” She told Tom Llamas, Chief National Affairs Correspondent for ABC News, in the interview that the effect of the bullying she faces daily was one inspiration for her initiative Be Best, reported the <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6265015/First-Lady-Melania-Trump-says-bullied-person-world-does-not-trust-West-Wing.html" target="_blank">Daily Mail</a>. In part, Be Best is designed to combat bullying, particularly on social media. But Mrs Trump told Llamas that she was frustrated that the charities she had approached to be part of the initiative, in her view, had chosen politics over being involved. “It's sad to see that organisations and foundations that I want to partner with chose not to because of the administration,” she said. “I feel they are choosing the politics over helping others.” The First Lady refused to name the charities that had decided not to take part in the Be Best initiative. “I'm not going to talk about it, they know who they are,” she said. “I'm not going to put them out in front of the world.” Mrs Trump lays out her mission statement for the Be Best initiative on the official <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.whitehouse.gov/bebest/" target="_blank">website</a>: “It remains our generation’s moral imperative to take responsibility and help our children manage the many issues they are facing today, including encouraging positive social, emotional and physical habits...” It aims to “focus on some of the major issues facing children today,” and teach children “the importance of social, emotional and physical health. Be Best will concentrate on three main pillars: well-being, social media use and opioid abuse.”

Mind

Why you shouldn’t be afraid of dying alone

Glenys Caswell is a sociologist and Senior Research Fellow at the University of Nottingham. Her research focuses on social management of dying and death. It seems so obvious that no one should die alone that we never talk about it, but people do often die when they are alone. Sometimes they die in a way that suggests they prefer to be alone as they are coming to the end of their lives. So is it really such a bad thing to be alone when you die? When a person is dying in a hospital or a care home it is common for the nurses caring for them to summon their family. Many people will have the experience of trying to <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.2190/OM.55.3.d" target="_blank">keep vigil beside a family member</a>. It is hard – as everyday life goes on regardless – and it can be emotionally exhausting. Sometimes, the relative will die when their family have gone to make a phone call or get a cup of tea, leaving the family feeling distressed and guilty for not being there when they died. There is plenty of research literature, from many countries, devoted to trying to decide <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0885392415001578" target="_blank">what makes a good death</a>. There are differences to be found between countries, but similarities too. One similarity is a belief that <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S106474811600138X?via%3Dihub" target="_blank">no one should die alone</a>. This idea sits well with the view of dying that can be found in many different places. When interviewed as research participants, health professionals – and <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2904589/" target="_blank">nurses in particular</a> – commonly say that no one should die alone. There are also many cultural references that suggest that to die alone is a bad thing. Consider, for example, the death of Ebenezer Scrooge in Dickens’s <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/files/46/46-h/46-h.htm" target="_blank">A Christmas Carol</a>, or the death of Nemo, the law writer in <a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1023/1023-h/1023-h.htm" target="_blank">Bleak House</a>. These are both sad, dark, lonely deaths of a kind to be avoided. Celebrity deaths, such as those of comedian and actress <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2016/apr/20/victoria-wood-dies-aged-62-comedian" target="_blank">Victoria Wood</a> or <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-35278872" target="_blank">David Bowie</a>, are described in the news as peaceful or good when they are surrounded by family. Ordinary people who die alone make the news when the person’s body is undiscovered for a long time. When this happens the death is likely to be described in <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S027795360300577X?via%3Dihub" target="_blank">negative terms</a>, such as shocking, lonely, tragic or as a sad indictment of society. Some people prefer to be alone Of course, it may be the case that many people would prefer to have their family around them when they are dying. But there is <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/21582041.2015.1114663" target="_blank">evidence</a> that suggests that some people would <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953615003482?via%3Dihub" target="_blank">prefer to be alone</a> as they are coming to the end of their lives. My own <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13576275.2017.1413542" target="_blank">research</a> found that while hospice-at-home nurses believe that no one should die alone, they had seen cases where a person died after their family members had left the bedside. The nurses believed that some people just want to be on their own when they are dying. They also thought that people may have a measure of control over when they die, and choose to do so when their family are not around. In the same study, I also talked to older people who were living alone to find out their views about dying alone. I was intrigued to learn that dying alone was not seen as something that is automatically bad, and for some of the older people it was to be preferred. For some people in this group, dying was not the worst thing that could happen – being trapped in a care home was considered to be far worse than dying alone. Cultural representations of dying suggest that being alone while dying is a dreadful thing. This view is supported by healthcare policy and the practices of health professionals, such as nurses. But we all know people who prefer to be left alone when they are ill. Is it so surprising then that some might wish to be alone when they are dying? It is time we began to talk about this and to accept that we want different things in our dying as we do in our living. Openness created through discussion might also help to remove some of the guilt that family members feel when they miss the moment of their relative’s death. Written by Glenys Caswell. Republished with the permission of <a href="https://theconversation.com/" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>.<img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/90034/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/>

Caring

Smug quiz show contestant’s embarrassing fail

A smug quiz show contestant got his comeuppance when he failed to answer the very first question on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Brenton Andreasik, a self-professed “nerd”, was a little too confident as he prepared to answer his first question in a resurfaced clip from 2015. “Ten million people watching a show about smart people every night, celebrating being smart, and I thought, you know what, maybe it’s not so bad being smart,” he said. “Maybe it’s not bad being a nerd. Maybe it’s cool to be smart and I followed that all the way, and I just graduated from medical school.” But when faced with the first question, Brenton’s confidence falters. “Snapping selfies in kitchens you can’t afford and taking a ‘meatball break’ are two things BuzzFeed says every 20-something does on their first trip … where?” was the first question posed. It’s an odd question but when you see the options of “To Paris, To London, To Rome or To Ikea”, the answer should become obvious. But for Brenton, the path forward was not clear. He wrong answers “Rome”, adding that he would like to spend his winnings on a trip there. To add to his embarrassing fail, he even mentions that Ikea serves meatballs before deciding that there is no way that could be the right answer. <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LssgdtgJxA4?rel=0" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>

Mind

10 destinations that aren’t as friendly as they used to be

There’s never been a better time than now to travel, but that doesn’t mean travellers are completely excused from showing any degree of caution. There are plenty of destinations that are fascinating to visit, but not as friendly as they used to be. We’re not saying you should leave these destinations off your itinerary entirely, but if you are going to be passing through we’d recommend signing on to a decent travel insurance policy. To see our list of destinations that aren’t friendly as they used to be, scroll through the gallery above. If you’re planning to visit, please make sure you’re on your guard. Have you been to any of these destinations?

Travel Tips

5 TV characters who inspire us to be better

Television is a unique art form, in that we invite characters into our living rooms, where they share their stories and struggles with us. Over the months or years we know them, many of television’s iconic characters can be a source of great inspiration to us. Here are some of our favourites. 1. Derek from Derek “Kindness is magic” is the motto of this show and its titular character. Played with sweet sensitivity by Ricky Gervais, Ricky is a worker at an aged care facility, and possesses a pronounced childlike naivety and tendencies that suggest he sits somewhere on the autism spectrum. Despite experiencing difficulties of his own, Derek firmly believes being kind is more important than being good looking or clever, and he proves that over and over again with his selfless, joyous acts. 2. Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation If you haven’t yet met the permanently positive Leslie Knope of Pawnee, Indiana, then you’re in for a treat. As the Deputy Director of the city Parks Department, Leslie is frequently impeded by red tape, political scandals, apathetic colleagues, and certifiable locals, but doesn’t let anything slow her down. Amy Poehler’s performance as Leslie is endearing and energetic, making it impossible to not be on her side. 3. Alicia Florrick from The Good Wife In the opening moments of The Good Wife, we discover that Alicia Florrick’s husband, the State’s Attorney for Cook County, has been disgraced and jailed in relation to corruption charges and a sex scandal. After 13 years as a full-time mother, and with no option left to her, Alicia returns to her dormant legal career by securing a job at a prestigious Chicago law firm. Alicia endures the public scrutiny that comes her way following her husband’s scandals, and works hard to prove herself as more than just Peter Florrick’s wife. Julianna Marguiles is outstanding as Alicia. 4. Queen Elizabeth from The Crown No, she’s not fictional, but, as played by Claire Foy (for the series’ first two seasons), Queen Elizabeth is stoic, thoughtful, and a joy to watch, as she navigates a rapidly modernising world, tends to her fragile marriage, and endures the harsh criticisms invited by a role she never sought. 5. Jane Villanueva from Jane the Virgin Inspired by her grandmother’s lectures, Jane Villanueva decides to abstain from having sex until she is married. However, thanks to a distracted gynaecologist, Jane becomes pregnant in this wonderful series’ pilot episode. Unmarried, and with a religious family, Jane walks the unusual path ahead of her with grace, and bravery. Which TV character inspires you most?

How big should our meals really be?

Mackenzie Fong is a PhD Candidate in Obesity and Metabolism at the University of Sydney. Claire Madigan is a Clinical Trials Manager and Research Fellow in Weight Management at the University of Sydney. We all know the adage “eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper”. But is there any truth behind this? Eating a small dinner seems to makes sense if we think about our <a href="https://www.nigms.nih.gov/education/pages/Factsheet_CircadianRhythms.aspx" target="_blank">circadian rhythm</a> – our 24-hour body clock that helps us determine what time it is. It receives light from the eyes and tells us when we should wake up and when we should go to sleep. It also tells us the best time to digest food is during the day. Yet dinner tends to be our largest meal and we eat almost <a href="http://ajcn.nutrition.org/content/84/5/1215.full" target="_blank">half our daily kilojoules in the evening</a>. When we eat during the night we burn less <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23174861" target="_blank">fat</a>. It’s still unclear why, but it may have something to do with how well <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14647218" target="_blank">fat is absorbed and transported</a> from our gut in the day and night. Our body also finds it more difficult to process carbohydrates in the evening. This could be due to <a href="https://academic.oup.com/edrv/article/18/5/716/2530790" target="_blank">reduced insulin sensitivity at night</a>. This is particularly pertinent to the <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20122305" target="_blank">20% of the workforce</a> who are night shift workers and eat when they are meant to be sleeping. The mismatch of sleep/wake cycles and eating is known as <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24892891" target="_blank">circadian misalignment</a>, which can cause the post-meal levels of sugar and fat in our blood to be <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12097665" target="_blank">abnormally high</a>. For people who regularly work (and therefore eat) at night, this can lead to persistently high levels of sugar and fat in the blood, and an increased risk of developing <a href="http://www.bmj.com/content/345/bmj.e4800" target="_blank">diabetes, heart disease and stroke</a>. The effects of <a href="https://www.waldeneatingdisorders.com/popular-searches/night-eating-syndrome-nes/" target="_blank">night eating</a> have led to the speculation that eating lighter dinners could be better for our weight too. Some <a href="https://fullplateliving.org/sites/default/files/recipes_ebook.pdf" target="_blank">health professionals</a> advise eating most of our kilojoules during the day and eating a smaller dinner as a way to lose weight. To see whether eating most of our kilojoules in the evening is associated with excess weight, and if dieters lose more weight by eating a smaller dinners, <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28967343" target="_blank">we reviewed</a> 18 studies that included more than 76,000 people. When we examined all the evidence we found that overall, people who ate big dinners were not heavier than those who ate small dinners. Among dieters, we found that, on average, those who ate small dinners did not lose more weight than those who ate big dinners. The reasons are unclear, but perhaps the circadian rhythm of our metabolism is not be as straightforward as we thought. <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26219416" target="_blank">Research</a> in healthy young people (aged 20 to 35) found metabolism was more efficient in the morning; while another <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0148607113482331?url_ver=Z39.88-2003&rfr_id=ori%3Arid%3Acrossref.org&rfr_dat=cr_pub%3Dpubmed&" target="_blank">study</a> of older, sick people (52 to 80 years) found that metabolism was actually higher at night. If age and health status does affect the circadian rhythm of our metabolism, a blanket rule like eating dinner like a pauper may not be appropriate. It could be that big-dinner eaters wake up feeling full and are “trained” to eat less during the day. This is called <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18187517" target="_blank">entrainment</a>, and would compensate for the extra food eaten at night. It comes down to what and how much you eat over the day, rather than when you eat most of your food. Overindulging at breakfast and lunch and then eating a big dinner will make you <a href="https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/kilojoules-and-calories" target="_blank">gain weight</a>. But the big dinner isn’t the only culprit, it’s the other meals as well that have pushed the kilojoule intake beyond the body’s needs. <a href="http://www.nutritionaustralia.org/national/resource/balancing-energy-and-out" target="_blank">Women need to eat around 8,000 kilojoules and men 9,900 kilojoules each day</a>. This will vary depending on your age and levels of physical activity. For a more specific estimate, you can calculate your kilojoule target <a href="http://www.8700.com.au/kj-explained/your-ideal-figure/" target="_blank">here</a>. So eating a big dinner might be OK as long as you moderate your energy intake by eating less at other meals. Keep in mind that eating regular, moderately sized meals may help to <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21123467" target="_blank">control your appetite</a> more effectively than gorging on fewer, larger meals. Written by Mackenzie Fong and Claire Madigan. Republished with permission of <a href="http://theconversation.com/" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>. <img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/86840/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/>

Body

How to be more persuasive – according to science

Harriet Dempsey-Jones is a Postdoctoral Researcher in Cognitive Neurosciences at the University of Oxford. Whether it’s getting your partner to do more housework or making your colleagues back your latest idea, we all end up spending a considerable amount of time trying to persuade or even manipulate others. So can science offer any clever tricks to get people to do what we want, without resorting to bullying them? It’s complicated, but some 30 years of psychological research suggests there might just be a few methods that are worth a try. Use a person’s body against them Got a date coming up? Maybe you should consider taking them to see a horror movie. “<a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1963-06064-001" target="_blank">Misattribution of arousal</a>” is a popular theory in social psychology that suggests people sometimes mislabel feelings from their body. For example, you experience an elevated heart rate when you are anxious, but also when you are excited. Psychologists have therefore been experimenting on whether it is possible to use this idea to manipulate individuals into thinking they are experiencing particular emotions, such as believing they are attracted when they’re actually scared. In one such study, an “attractive female interviewer” asked male passers-by to complete a questionnaire <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Donald_Dutton/publication/18709788_Some_Evidence_for_Heightened_Sexual_Attraction_under_Conditions_of_High_Anxiety/links/00b7d5232780cc7ca5000000.pdf" target="_blank">while standing on a rickety suspension bridge</a> that hung high above a gorge. She also asked another set of men to complete the questionnaire on a sturdy, low-hanging bridge (not likely to evoke fear). She told them they could call her afterwards if they wanted more details on the study. Amusingly, significantly more men called the interviewer if they had met her on the fear-inducing bridge. Similar studies have found that men also rate women as more attractive if they have had an <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/rev/69/5/379/" target="_blank">injection of adrenaline</a> (that they were told was vitamins), <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF01650604" target="_blank">been startled</a>, <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1982-05734-001" target="_blank">doing exercise or listening to a taped story</a> designed to cause shock. Most of these studies looked at men’s reaction to women, but the effect <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF01650604" target="_blank">seems to hold true</a> for women too. It was first thought that this happens because participants <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1975-26821-001" target="_blank">experienced arousal from an unclear source</a>, and looked to the situation they were in to provide context. Later reviews <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Rainer_Reisenzein/publication/16840488_The_Schachter_theory_of_emotion_Two_decades_later/links/5425723f0cf2e4ce9403816d.pdf" target="_blank">have suggested</a> that, while it may not – in fact – be possible to implant an emotion through suggestion, it is possible to intensify pre-existing feelings in this way. A compulsion for reciprocity Somewhat counter-intuitively, if you want to get something from someone – you should give them something yourself. The “<a href="http://www.jstor.org/stable/2092623?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents" target="_blank">reciprocity norm</a>” describes the way people feel (often strongly) indebted to a person who has bestowed a gift or favour upon them until they repay in kind. Charities have been using this principle to increase donations for decades: providing an unconditional gift before a donation (even a humble paperclip) can <a href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1468-0262.2007.00800.x/abstract" target="_blank">increase the amount given by up to 75%</a>, as it unconsciously obliges the individual to give back. However, one must be careful using this strategy. Providing external incentives (like a gift) when trying to get something, <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10589297" target="_blank">can actually decrease giving</a> in certain situations – particularly with respect to charitable giving. This is because getting a reward can undermine the intrinsic altruistic motivations for giving (making it more like getting repaid for your charity). Or, because it takes away <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0167487012000530" target="_blank">another strong motivator for giving</a>: looking generous in the eyes of others (taking a gift could make you look less “pure”). Use clever language Another way to beguile someone involves picking your words to help you maximise your chances in a very subtle way. For instance, in an argument, your choice of pronouns can surprisingly <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2005.01639.x" target="_blank">affect how people react</a> to what you say. Using statements beginning with “you” (“you should have finished that report”) will <a href="http://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/jscp.1995.14.1.53" target="_blank">evoke more antagonism in the recipient</a> as opposed to statements beginning with “I” (“I am stressed because the report is not done”). This is because removing the “you” removes the accusatory element. Another linguistic trick is to use nouns rather than verbs when discussing an outcome you want to happen. In one study people were asked “how important is it to you to be a voter in tomorrow’s election?” versus “how important is it to you to vote in tomorrow’s election?” When people were asked about “being a voter”, <a href="http://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/soco.22.2.193.35463" target="_blank">this primed their self-identity</a> as a person who votes. The people who were asked about being a “voter” were 11% more likely to vote in a state election the next day, compared to those who were asked about “voting”. There are also various other body and language tricks you can employ that have been shown to increase people’s liking or trust in you, such as subtly <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1999-05479-002" target="_blank">mimicking people’s body posture</a>, looking people <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1986-27160-001" target="_blank">in the eye more frequently</a> and <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03637758409390188" target="_blank">saying their name</a> more often. Use rewards and punishments variably Does your loved one need some “<a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2004-21805-000" target="_blank">behaviour shaping</a>”? Maybe a bit more hanging up the bathmat, and a bit less using your toothbrush? We all know that you can increase <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2004-21805-000" target="_blank">the likelihood that someone will do something</a> by rewarding it, and decrease it through punishment. But, <a href="https://www.simplypsychology.org/operant-conditioning.html" target="_blank">operant conditioning psychology</a> shows that for prolonged manipulation, it is better not to reward or punish <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/2004-21805-000/" target="_blank">every instance of the behaviour</a>. So if you want someone to keep doing something (or to stop doing something), you can simply alter the schedule by which you dole out rewards or punishments to maximise their compliance. A variable reinforcement schedule like this works by the slightly creepy “will they, won’t they” principle – where <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1975-11296-000" target="_blank">the uncertainty makes people learn faster</a> and maintain a behaviour longer once the reward or punishment is removed. In the same way, not knowing how many more plays you need before you win is part of what makes <a href="http://europepmc.org/abstract/med/11447569" target="_blank">gambling and the lottery so addictive</a>. Ask for something you don’t want A large body of popular research suggests that if you are trying to get something, you may help your case by also asking for something you don’t want. The “foot-in-the-door method” refers to the fact that, once a person has agreed to a very small request, <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0022103174900535" target="_blank">they are more likely to agree to another</a>, much larger request – significantly more so than if they were only posed with the large request. It was first suggested this must occur because people use their own behaviour as a cue to their internal attitudes. Since they were not pressured externally into agreeing, the person unconsciously infers their acquiescence is due to a positive attitude towards the asker or the issue. The effect seems to hold even when the second request is a completely <a href="https://insights.ovid.com/personality-social-psychology/jpspy/1966/08/000/compliance-without-pressure/10/00005205" target="_blank">different type, or when made by a different person</a>. Given this, it was thought that perhaps the first “yes” changes the individual’s own disposition towards saying yes to things in general (“I am clearly such a yes man”). On the flip side, if you ask for something outrageously large that a person would never agree to, you actually <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=buy.optionToBuy&id=1975-11600-001" target="_blank">raise your chances of agreement</a> to a second smaller request. This may also be a form of reciprocity effect: the person being asked is <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03637759909376482" target="_blank">compelled to make a compromise</a>, in response to the asker making a concession. In sum, social psychology may not change your life… but it may just help you get the last biscuit. Written by Harriet Dempsey-Jones. Republished with permission of <a href="http://theconversation.com/" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>.<img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/87196/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/>

Mind

How to be an ethical traveller

I had planned to write a handy guide of the best travel planning tools to put together your own best holiday that also gives the most benefits to local tour operators, guides, accommodation providers and restaurants. It turns out that isn't so easy to collate – and is, in part, why travellers are lured by travel companies which own the airline they fly on, the hotel they stay in, the shuttle they transfer with and the day trip tours they book through the concierge. Cruise holidays can be the worst offenders for this poor attempt at trickle-down economics for travel. Unfortunately, there is no such catch-all website – of TripAdvisor, Viator or Booking.com scale – that specialises in ethical travel: where the emphasis is to book locally owned restaurants, tours and guesthouses and avoid chain hotels. And although TripAdvisor and Booking have filters for results based on your preferred hotel chain, they both seem to lack any sort of filter for eco-friendly or low-carbon certified options. There are, however, a few smaller websites that are gaining traction in this travel niche. Many are based in the US and Western Europe, but travellers can use them because many act as intermediaries, showcasing the accommodation and tour options available even if you then must book directly with the vendor. The type of traveller who doesn't book much until they arrive at their destination, when they are able to compare properties, rooms and (hopefully management) can easily support local operators by avoiding the big name chains – but who has time for that? Not me. But if you're one to obsessively book months in advance look at responsibletravel.com or i-escape.com. They have a variety of sustainable tourism options which have verifiable accommodation, locally run tours and high environmentalism standards for all vendors listed. British site <a href="http://www.greentraveller.co.uk/" target="_blank">greentraveller.co.uk</a> specialises in eco-friendly European breaks emphasising rail options over flights, but of course for Kiwis a minimum three-hour flight is part and parcel of any international holiday, no matter your green goals. American offering <a href="http://kindtraveler.com/" target="_blank">kindtraveler.com</a> operates a "give and get" initiative, in which you donate about US$10 ($14) which is donated to local charities. You, in turn, get exclusive discounts when you book directly with the hotel provider. A more upmarket option is <a href="http://www.bouteco.co/" target="_blank">bouteco.co</a>, which promotes independent accommodation providers that meet stringent eco-standards and offer high-spec design and service (apparently, luxury environmentalism isn't an oxymoron). And even if you still prefer to use a local travel agent, it isn't a hassle to insist on locally owned accommodation, or at least shun the all-inclusive option which will only entice you to stay within the gated community of a resort instead of interacting with locals and letting them show off their part of the world – which is where the real value of your holiday comes from. Help travel dollars trickle down <ul> <li>Leave the resort or hotel!</li> <li>Choose markets and restaurants that specialise in local ingredients</li> <li>Opt for accommodation providers that have certification on environmental and social standards</li> <li>When tipping, do it in cash directly to the person</li> <li>Book tours independently and choose local guides</li> </ul> What are your thoughts? Written by Josh Martin. Republished with permission of <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank">Stuff.co.nz</a>. <a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/travel/travel-insurance/?utm_source=over60&utm_campaign=travel-insurance&utm_medium=in-article-banner&utm_content=travel-insurance" target="_blank"><img src="http://media.oversixty.com.au/images/banners/Travel-Insurance_Website_GIF_468x602.gif" alt="Over60 Travel Insurance"/></a>

Travel Tips

“What I wanted to be as a child…”: Over60 community share childhood ambitions

When you’re young, the world is your oyster. Limited at times only by your imagination, life seems to have endless possibilities and there’s no telling what the future may hold. Then, reality kicks in. We’re slugged with bills, expenses and for better or worse we’re ushered down the hallway that is to become our career and ultimately our lives. A little while ago, we asked the Over60 community to share their childhood ambitions and whether they managed to achieve them. These stories provided an interesting look at the difference between childhood ambition and reality. To see some of the best answers, scroll through the gallery above. What did you want to be as a child? Were you able to fulfil your ambition?

Retirement Income

Can women be psychopaths too?

Dr Xanthe Mallett is a Forensic Criminologist at the University of Newcastle and the author of Mothers who Murder. Hear the word psychopath and most of us think of violent, dominant men. There are lots of male psychopathic monsters from movies to illustrate this point. Think Alex in A Clockwork Orange, or Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. But we do have some female examples: Annie Wilkes in Misery, and who could forget Alex Forrest’s bunny-boiling character in Fatal Attraction? These frightening fictional femme fatales stay with us – I’ve heard the term “bunny boiler” used to signify a woman behaving irrationally and violently – but they are unusual. We largely expect psychopaths to be men. Research indicates <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/14999013.2014.951105" target="_blank">there are likely</a> to be fewer female psychopaths than male. This may well be true. However, a compounding factor leading to the underestimation of the true occurrence rate of psychopathy in women could be behavioural differences that cause them to slip under society’s radar. This is important to acknowledge as female psychopaths can be just as dangerous as their male counterparts. What is psychopathy? Psychopathy is a personality disorder characterised by a number of abnormal behavioural traits and emotional responses. These include lack of empathy, guilt or remorse, and being manipulative and deceitful. People with psychopathy are often irresponsible and have a disregard for laws or social conventions. Psychopaths often get away with these behaviours because they can be superficially quite charming. They are true observers of human behaviour, often <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40806-015-0012-x" target="_blank">being able to mimic</a> love, fear, remorse and other emotions well enough to go undetected. Current thinking suggests psychopaths’ behaviour patterns result from variations in the structure of their brains at birth. A <a href="https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/07/170705123121.htm" target="_blank">recent study</a> from Harvard University indicated their brains are wired in a way that can lead to violent or dangerous actions. Researchers used MRI scans to determine if activity and connections between areas of the brain associated with impulsivity and assessing the value of choices differed between those who scored highly for psychopathy and those who didn’t. The scans showed psychopaths make more short-sighted, impulsive decisions based on short-term gain, when compared to non-psychopaths, and that it is the structure of their brains that leads them to make these kinds of poor decisions. Add this to their lack of empathy and it means if violence or dangerous behaviour will help a psychopath achieve a short-term goal, that is the path they will take. There is also <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2933872/" target="_blank">evidence genetics</a> are at least partly responsible for the development of psychopathic traits. In essence, psychopaths are born, not made. Case studies Certain case studies show how women psychopaths present in the real world. “Amy” is a 20-year-old female <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14999013.2012.746755" target="_blank">serving a life sentence</a> for murder. She has been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder with psychopathic traits. Amy fits the description of having extreme psychopathic tendencies. She was showing antisocial behaviour in her teens, including running away from home and engaging in substance abuse. Before her conviction for murder, Amy had numerous convictions for fraud and assault. The authors who assessed her case described Amy as deceitful and boastful, with a strong sense of self-entitlement. She was also described as having an extreme lack of empathy and remorse, while taking no responsibility for her actions. Amy is physically and verbally violent to those around her, preying on vulnerable prisoners through bullying behaviours. Perhaps most striking is that Amy is noted to be very domineering, predominantly seeking power and control over others, sometimes using sexual charm to get what she wants. Female psychopaths Research, limited though it is, suggests female psychopaths are manipulative and controlling, cunning, deceitful, don’t take responsibility for their actions, are exploitative and, of course, they lack empathy. Studies of incarcerated women suggest psychopathic females <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/14999013.2014.951105" target="_blank">commit crimes at a younger age</a> compared to women without psychopathic traits. They can have a history of being bullied and their behavioural traits <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1998-00292-006" target="_blank">tend to develop</a> (or at least express themselves) in their teenage years. Female psychopaths commit crimes across multiple categories – robbery, drug crimes, assault. Other female inmates largely have only one offence type in their history. And psychopathic offenders’ crimes are more often motivated by power, dominance or personal gain than for non-psychopathic females. Female psychopaths are also <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1998-00292-006" target="_blank">more likely</a> to repeat-offend than those without psychopathic tendencies. Many of these traits apply to male psychopaths too. But there are differences. In terms of occurrence rates, <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3379858/" target="_blank">studies show</a> female inmates with psychopathy make up 11 to 17 per cent of the overall prison population, compared to their male counterparts at 25 to 30 per cent. This may be because female psychopaths are likely to be more <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/14999013.2014.951105" target="_blank">relationally or verbally aggressive</a> than physically violent, and therefore commit less violent crimes than male psychopaths. This might help explain the initially surprising fact that women with psychopathy are found to be less likely to commit murder than non-psychopathic women. Female psychopaths can also be <a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?id=LSiBsdxcGigC&pg=PA175&lpg=PA175&dq=hare+parasitic+lifestyle&source=bl&ots=noR2Be9f-V&sig=5eueM48iI3ssLNgQk_yK0F62HOc&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiQ2dTB3oXXAhXEX5QKHemFDqEQ6AEIMTAC#v=onepage&q=hare%20parasitic%20lifestyle&f=false" target="_blank">jealous and parasitic</a>, meaning they feel entitled to live off other people, using threat and coercion to get support. So, while female psychopaths are not all like Glenn Close’s character in Fatal Attraction, they certainly exist and can be as violent, cunning and calculated as their male counterparts. But they more often express their psychopathy in more covert and manipulative ways, meaning their true natures are rarely identified. Written by Xanthe Mallett. Republished with permission of <a href="http://theconversation.com/The%20Conversation" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>.<img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/84200/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/>

Mind

The exercise every over-60 should be doing

New Zealander Tracy Adshead is a yoga teacher specialising in yoga for seniors. She is passionate about bringing healing and healthy ageing to the community. If you are from New Zealand or have spent any time there you may be familiar with Maori poi dance. Kate Riegle van West, a PhD student from the USA, has been studying international poi and its cognitive effects on the over 60s at the University of Auckland. Kate explained that her background in circus and dance had included using poi in performances, over time she began to notice that using poi always left her feeling good. Her curiosity was sparked – what was it about poi that created positive feelings? To find out Kate decided to pack her bags and head off to New Zealand where poi is widely used, today her study has become a world’s first to systematically evaluate the potential health benefits of poi for older adults. Tell us, what exactly do you mean by poi? "Poi is a weight on the end of a cord which you spin in circular patterns around your body. It is generally a form of dance and play. There are two distinct poi styles: Maori poi and International poi.” Why do you think poi will have an effect on ageing? “Our ageing population is set to increase by 2.5 times by 2050. This is a reversal of the demographics in 1950 and a phenomenon which will not be reversed in the foreseeable future. I believe poi has the potential to improve physical and cognitive functions in older adults.” “I would love to see poi in hospitals, retirement villages and nursing homes worldwide. Anyone can practice poi, from able bodied to those in wheelchairs. This research shows that poi maybe a promising tool for maintaining or improving quality of life in old age and will hopefully pave the way for future research.” The randomised study tested 79 older adults age 60 and over, practicing poi twice a week over a one-month period. At the end of the month, participants were reassessed for balance, grip strength, memory and attention – everyone had made improvements, everyone reported better coordination and said they enjoyed the challenge of learning a new skill. As Kate explains, “this research shows that poi may be a promising tool for maintaining or improving quality of life in old age, and will hopefully pave the way for future research on poi and health.” If you would like to know more about Kate’s work <a href="http://www.spinpoi.com" target="_blank">click here</a> or <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7oM5raj-MI" target="_blank">watch this video</a>. She currently looking for further opportunities to conduct further research on poi and health. Follow Tracy on Facebook <a href="https://www.facebook.com/TracyChairYoga/" target="_blank">here</a>. Image credit: James Hirata/SpinPoi.

Body

How to be a good hotel guest

Despite usually being your home base whilst on holiday (or a business trip), hotels can be somewhat stressful. You may come across loud or unpleasant noises, unhelpful staff, inconvenient check in/out times, and less-than-desirable facilities that dramatically differ from website photos. Regardless, the onus isn't just on hoteliers to make the experience great. You, as a guest, have some power in the situation too. Here's how to be a good hotel guest. Do arrive on time. Unless you've called ahead, there's usually little point in trying to check-in before the specified time. Your room probably isn't ready. Instead, if you do arrive early, just ask to leave your bags securely at the desk. Don't be rude at the check-in desk if something isn't right. The person behind it can only work with what their computer tells them. They didn't make your booking, and while they have some control over any mistakes made, you're not going to get anywhere by being pushy. Do keep your room tidy. Yes, the cost of housekeeping is built into the room, but cleaners have many rooms to get through in their shift, and only a specific amount of time allocated for each. There's no need to leave your clothes lying on the floor just because you think you can. Don't act like a rock star. We know you're away from home, but you don't have carte blanche to act however you wish. No parties in your room, no late-night guests knocking on your door, and – I shouldn't have to say this – definitely no throwing of anything out the windows. Do politely call the front desk if you encounter an issue. If a bedspread looks dirty, something goes missing, or you need some different pillows, just get on the house line and speak up. Approaching it quietly will see any problem actioned swiftly. Don't make complaints when you're at the end of your stay. They can't be dealt with if they happened two days ago, and you must act in the moment to avoid feeling disgruntled. Do leave a tip on the nightstand. Even in Australian hotels, despite our lack of tipping culture. For great service throughout your stay, $5 per room, per day, will do the trick. Do you agree with these tips? Written by Lee Suckling. Republished with permission of <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank">Stuff.co.nz</a>.

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