A Queensland dad has had enough of Halloween season – not the trick-or-treating, not the lollies – but the jump-scare horror displays lurking between Kmart checkouts and food courts.
Father-of-three Tim Doecke says shopping centres have turned into “corridors of Halloween merchandise”, and frankly, his kids are over it.
“One of our boys knows it’s Halloween season and he doesn’t want to go to the shops,” Doecke said.
“He’ll close his eyes when we’re going past the checkout in Kmart because he wants to sleep well at night. The shops aren’t a safe place for him.”
Forget pumpkins and plastic spiders- the real fright, according to Doecke, comes from the discount store aisle of nightmares.
“There are stores, particularly discount stores, with merchandise such as severed limbs, human organs on plates, masks of zombies and decomposing faces,” he said.
“This kind of content is found in R18 movies, so should not be legal in public spaces.”
Basically, he’s not anti-fun – just anti-fake intestines.
Doecke’s argument is simple: if alcohol and tobacco are tucked away behind curtains, maybe zombie masks and rubber torsos should be too.
“Just as alcohol, tobacco, and restricted-age films are placed in designated areas, so too should violent or frightening Halloween merchandise,” he said.
And he’s not just speaking as a dad – he’s speaking as a man still haunted by one unfortunate flip through a book about medieval torture.
“I remember when I was 10 and visiting family friends, my friend showed me a book about the history of war,” he said.
“He opened a page that showed ancient torture techniques. The picture was of men being impaled on sticks. I wasn’t expecting to see that. That was 33 years ago, and I can still see the image in my mind.”
Now, he’s launched a Change.org petition that’s already racked up 1,500 signatures from other parents who’d prefer their kids not meet the Crypt Keeper before lunchtime.
“It needs to come down to strong regulations and classification standards,” Doecke said, adding that “discount stores are the major offenders.”
Meanwhile, local councils across the country are fighting their own Halloween battle – not against fake blood, but fake cobwebs.
Sydney’s Inner West Council posted a Halloween PSA on Facebook urging residents to “avoid the horror of dangerous decorations” – the horror being synthetic cobwebs that trap birds, bats, and probably the occasional local goth.
Willoughby Council joined in, asking people to ditch the plastic webs altogether, while Adelaide’s Marion Council went full ghostbuster – banning the fake fluff completely and threatening to remove any found on nature strips.
Turns out, the only thing scarier than a plastic severed hand… is local government with a Facebook page.
Images: Shutterstock
