In 1990, Laurence Watkins was a 24-year-old librarian in Auckland with a dream. Not a dream of athletic glory or musical stardom, but a dream of being the guy with the most names. While others were out chasing world records involving pogo sticks or hot dog consumption, Laurence was flipping through the Guinness World Records book like it was a treasure map. And he found his X marks the spot in the form of middle names.
Laurence decided to legally change his name to include over 2,000 of them. The final tally? A jaw-dropping 2,253 individual names. That is not a name, it is a literary saga. He submitted his application to the Auckland District Court, which gave it the green light. But the Registrar General in Wellington took one look and said, absolutely not. Laurence, being a man of many names and even more determination, took the matter to the High Court. And he won.
The victory was so monumental that New Zealand quietly changed the law afterward to prevent anyone else from attempting such a feat. So not only is Laurence the reigning champion of name hoarding, he is also the last of his kind. A one-man name museum with a velvet rope around him.
He did not just throw darts at a baby name book either. Working in a library gave him access to a world of inspiration. He pulled names from literature, from colleagues, from cultures far and wide. Māori, Samoan, Japanese, Chinese—you name it, he probably named it. His personal favorite is AZ2000, which he says represents the fact that he has names from A to Z and 2000 of them. It is the kind of logic that would make a Scrabble board weep.
Of course, having a name longer than most novels comes with complications. When Laurence got married, the celebrant had to read his full name aloud. It took over 20 minutes. That is not a wedding ceremony, that is an audiobook. Government forms? Forget it. Most systems tap out after the first few names. These days, Laurence just uses the first three: Laurence Alon Aloys Watkins. The rest are in storage, presumably in a climate-controlled vault.
Decades later, no one has come close to breaking his record. Not because they lack the ambition, but because the law now says they cannot. Laurence remains the undisputed heavyweight champion of middle names. A man whose identity is so long it could be serialized.
As he puts it, people struggle to even process how many names he has. And if you were hoping to read the full list, you might want to cancel your afternoon plans. Possibly your weekend.
Image: Guinness Book of World Records
