If you thought settling on “Olivia” or “Liam” after a late-night Google scroll was stressful, imagine dropping the price of a new car so someone else can make the choice for you.
That’s exactly what wealthy parents-to-be are doing, paying tens of thousands of dollars to hire a “professional baby namer.”
Taylor A. Humphrey began posting online about her baby-name obsession a decade ago – and now it’s blossomed into a luxury business model.
“There’s a lot more to this job than people realise,” Ms Humphrey, who was named after 1980s soap opera actor Taylor Miller, told the San Francisco Chronicle.
“Sometimes, I get calls from clients that are so urgent that I need to drop everything and help them right away.”
Back in 2020, Humphrey helped name more than 100 babies, raking in over $150,000 (AU $280,000) while charging just $1,500 (AU $2280) a pop, according to the New York Post.
Today, the 37-year-old has 100,000 followers across TikTok and Instagram, a catalogue of 500 children’s names under her belt, and price tags soaring up to $30,000 (AU $45,000). Yes, that’s for a name.
Her resume is eclectic: doula, branding and marketing background, and self-described “name nerd” with thousands of spreadsheets. Think less “baby book on the nightstand” and more “spreadsheet empire.”
For $200 (AU $305), you can get an email of suggestions complete with meanings, origins, and history. For $10,000 and up, you’re in the “VIP treatment” tier, where Humphrey may hire a genealogist to raid your family tree or even assemble a think tank to brainstorm names like it’s the UN Security Council.
Clients’ requests have only gotten pickier: names that are uncommon but not weird, trendy but not too trendy, simple but not boring. It’s basically a riddle worthy of the Sphinx, but with diapers.
During video calls, Humphrey admits she often ends up less “consultant” and more “therapist,” mediating between parents who can’t agree if “Atlas” is aspirational or ridiculous.
Her clientele spans anonymous rich folks to celebrities, all of them feeling the high-stakes pressure of finding the perfect moniker.
Humphrey won’t say what she makes now, but since her 2021 New Yorker profile went viral, she’s had a steady backlog of clients. She’s one of only about a dozen full-time baby-name consultants in the US – and the sole one in the Bay Area.
Of course, the internet has had its fun mocking her unusual profession.
“I had to come to terms with the fact that people often find me through content that pokes fun at me,” Ms Humphrey said.
“I accept it because I believe the work I’m doing is really important. It’s a little embarrassing when you get made fun of on the internet.
“At the same time, I’m like, ‘Well, it is silly.’ I come up with baby names for a living.”
Images: Instagram
