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Internet in stitches at one woman’s dog breed blunder

<p dir="ltr">A woman in the US received quite the surprise when she set out to pick up her new furry friend, expecting to find a fluff ball in the form of a Shih-Tzu-cross-Bichon ‘Shichon’ puppy waiting for her.</p> <p dir="ltr">However, Melissa Windsor’s dreams took a turn when she met the mutt destined to capture her heart, and learned that things don’t always look exactly like they did online. </p> <p dir="ltr">Taking to Facebook to share her story, Melissa posted two pictures - one of the caramel teddy bear puppy she’d been seeking, and another of what she’d received, a scruffy little fellow with an alarming case of bedhead. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Little Roosevelt is four-months-old and looks more like a llama than a teddy bear,” she captioned her post, and the image of the sweet-faced Roosevelt in his pyjamas, “but I love him just the same.”</p> <p dir="ltr">According to <em>Daily Paws</em>, ‘shichons’ are generally small and fluffy, although the cross bread has the potential to produce puppies that have “totally different” appearances across just one litter.</p> <p dir="ltr">The post drew in over 1,000 views, and more than 200 other comments from fellow What I Asked For vs What I Got users. And while some took the opportunity to suggest that Melissa had brought the case of ‘dogfishing’ upon herself, most were every bit as amused as the proud new owner, and took to the comments to share their delight at the tale. </p> <p dir="ltr">One spoke for the masses when they declared that “he’s such a cute mess!” </p> <p dir="ltr">“He's awesomely cute,” another agreed, before elaborating that it was “in a manic Einstein kinda way”.</p> <p dir="ltr">“His hair looks like Kramer from Seinfeld,” one remarked.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Looks like he’s been electrocuted,” someone noted. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Poor buddy looks like me when the coffee hasn't kicked in,” another shared, “fighting with four kids.”</p> <p dir="ltr">One user went on to tell Melissa that their dog looked just like her beloved Roosevelt, asking if it was “possible that he's a mini Aussie doodle?” </p> <p dir="ltr">Some groomers, however, suggested that he just didn’t look like Melissa expected as he hadn’t had his fur tended to just yet. </p> <p dir="ltr">Melissa then shared that she was going to get a DNA test for the precious pup, as “at this point anything is possible”, and that she would like to know if her little friend would actually have the traits and qualities expected of his supposed breed.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Facebook</em></p> <p> </p>

Family & Pets

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Kmart label fail sends shoppers into stitches

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">A Kmart shopper has spotted a hilariously incorrect warning on a label attached to a branded set of curtain lights. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Taking to the Kmart decor Facebook group, the customer shared the bizarre label with fellow shoppers that read: “if the cable of the light chain is damaged, it cannot be repaired and the dog must be destroyed.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7842427/kmart-plus-lynne-home-and-away.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/3adc5a974cf14ea5859018831457badd" /></span></p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">Image: Facebook</span></em></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The woman captioned the hilarious image with: “I guess it’s a good thing we’re not dog people. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Who knew string lights could do such a thing?” </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Many could not decipher what the typo or intended joke actually meant, but the bizarre instructions left Facebook users in stitches. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“That’s a bit harsh,” one person wrote. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“That escalated quickly,” another added. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“What bloody dog?!” a third comment read. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Another shopper offered a hilarious alternative to the label, suggesting that the “person who wrote this was like ‘I wonder if anyone actually reads these… let’s put something weird and see.” </span></p>

Beauty & Style

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"Unreal": Hilarious Bunnings' car park fail leaves people in stitches

<p>The driver of a hatchback has sparked a hilarious reaction online after they were spotted leaving a Bunnings store with a large metal pole in a particularly ambitious position.</p> <p>An passerby took a photo of the small blue Toyota Yaris in the Port Kennedy store's car park, south of Perth in Western Australia, on Monday.</p> <p>A metal pole measuring to be approximately six metres in length was pictured projecting both out of the driver's side window and out the bottom of the car's boot, nearly scraping the ground.</p> <p>What made it even funnier was the fact the driver had attached a small red flag to the back end of the pole, which is a measure required by law to avoid other driver's colliding with overhanging material.</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height:334.02922755741133px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7839742/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/1d80ac90242245b49059793538cd506b" /></p> <p>Over 1000 people couldn't contain their amusement at the hilarious photo after it was uploaded to the 973 Coast FM Facebook page.</p> <p>Many joked about ways they thought the pole could come in handy for its new owner.</p> <p>“Wow a jousting competition in the car park!! What people do for distanced entertainment?,” one wrote in a comment.</p> <p>“Obviously needed a new toilet roll holder after raiding the shops,” said another, referring to the recent panic buying in WA.</p> <p>“Is that the new bicycle distance measuring device?,” someone else said.</p> <p>“Glad they went to the effort of putting that tiny little flag on the end,” another wrote.</p> <p>One described the scene “unreal” and said they “hope it missed the driver”.</p> <p>The true reason for the driver’s trip to Bunnings was not clear.</p>

Travel Trouble

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“Hunk of junk”: Mum’s overly honest caravan ad has internet in stitches

<p>Glastonbury mum Katie Perkins has obviously had enough of the 27-year-old caravan taking up space on her property.</p> <p>So, in a fit of fury, she took to Facebook Marketplace to try and find a prospective buyer – but soon turned her post into an opportunity to vent a bit of pent-up rage at the “monstrosity” that had been plaguing her for so long.</p> <p>The UK woman was definitely a little too honest in her expletive-laden ad, and the post quickly went viral due to her astonishingly blunt descriptions.</p> <p>“It is a tin shed on wheels,” she wrote.</p> <p>“It is f***ing hot in the summer. It is f***ing freezing in the winter. It even grows icicles on the inside.”</p> <p>She adds that the oven and fridge are equally rubbish, but the microwave is “pretty decent.”</p> <p>“Get this hunk of junk off my f***ing land,” she pleads.</p> <p>“I’d love to say it’s beautiful, but I’d be lying. I’d love to say I loved living in it, but I’d be lying.”</p> <p>The listing has been shared more than 1,000 times and racked up hundreds of comments as people commended her for the refreshing honesty, calling it the “best ad ever”.</p> <p>Check out the images of the caravan in the gallery below, and here also is the full (slightly cleaned up) post in all its glory:</p> <p>“YES IT'S STILL AVAILABLE - I WILL. REMOVE ONCE IT HAS GONE.</p> <p>IT IS AN ANCIENT 27 YEAR OLD CARAVAN. 32FT x 10FT, 2 BED STATIC.</p> <p>IT HAS BEEN LIVED IN BY A FAMILY OF 7 (WE WERE A FAMILY OF 4 🤰⚠️) FOR 7 YEARS ONSITE WHILST BUILDING OUR DREAM HOME, WHICH TURNED INTO A F***ING NIGHTMARE.</p> <p>IT IS NOT PRISTINE.</p> <p>IT IS NOT PRETTY.</p> <p>IT IS A TIN SHED ON WHEELS.</p> <p>IT IS F***ING HOT IN THE SUMMER.</p> <p>IT IS F***ING FREEZING IN THE WINTER.</p> <p>IT EVEN GROWS ICICLES ON THE INSIDE. IT COULD DO WITH FULL REPLACEMENT OF CARPETS.</p> <p>IT NEEDS A GOOD BLEACH CLEAN THROUGHOUT.</p> <p>IT HAS A SHIT OVEN.</p> <p>IT HAS A SHIT HOB.</p> <p>IT HAS A SHIT FRIDGE.</p> <p>KIDS WERE POTTY TRAINED IN IT.</p> <p>DOG WAS POTTY TRAINED IN IT.</p> <p>IT HAS BEEN USED AS STORAGE FOR THE LAST 9 MONTHS.</p> <p>NEXT STOP THE F***ING CHICKENS ARE GOING IN IT.</p> <p>IT DOES HAVE A PRETTY DECENT MICROWAVE, ALBEIT CHEAP MORRISONS ONE.</p> <p>IT ALSO HAS EXTRAS!</p> <p>COUPLE OLD SHOES IN THE WARDROBE.</p> <p>ABSTRACT ART, ONE OF A KIND, COURTESY OF THE CHILDREN.</p> <p>OLD BOTTLES OF BOOZE UNDER THE SINK.</p> <p>PRETTY SURE THERE'S EVEN A SLOW COOKER THAT WAS ONLY USED ONCE?</p> <p>BEDS THAT HAVE BEEN DESTROYED AND I CANNOT BE F***ED TO REMOVE.</p> <p>I’M SURE IF YOU ARE LOOKING AT IT YOU CAN USE IT FOR SOMETHING, I DON'T GIVE A F**K WHAT.</p> <p>I WANT OFFERS.....I DON'T EXPECT ALOT BUT SOMETHING WOULD BE NICE.</p> <p>F**K IT - IF YOU TRUELY WANT THIS F***ING MONSTROSITY THEN I WILL TRADE IT FOR A COUPLE BOXES OF HUBBY'S FAVOURITE RED WINE - JAMMY RED ROO OR JAM SHED.</p> <p>GET THIS HUNK OF JUNK OFF MY F***ING LAND.</p> <p>I'D LOVE TO SAY IT'S F***ING BEAUTIFUL, BUT I'D BE LYING.</p> <p>I'D LOVE TO SAY I LOVED LIVING IN IT, BUT I'D BE LYING.</p> <p>I'D LOVE TO SAY I'D LOOK FORWARD TO A CARAVAN HOLIDAY, BUT GUESS WHAT...?</p> <p>I'D BE LYING.”</p> <p>… and if you’re still game to read the real thing, take a deep breath, be warned, and click <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/item/332595611252474/" target="_blank">here</a>.</p> <p><strong>Images:</strong> Facebook Marketplace</p>

Downsizing

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Shopper left in stitches over cheeky message on roast pork

<p>A family has been left in stitches after they got a lot more than they bargained after picking up a slab of pork from Coles.  </p> <p>While the meat appeared to be normal looking in most ways, its skin had a cheeky message stamped across it.</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7837291/coles-slab-pork.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/5fb245e715e247d6a5f52d731df64ec6" /></p> <p>The pattern of black dots under the rope holding the meat together seemed to read “sexy”.</p> <p>The lady took to the supermarket’s Facebook page to share the funny blunder.</p> <p>“Preparing pork for dinner tonight... thanks for the giggle, Coles,” she wrote.</p> <p>Yahoo News reports the woman found the pork at the Mango Hill store, in Queensland’s Moreton Bay region.</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7837289/coles-slab-pork-2.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f60c4ff790f742b8ba547f8559c29656" /></p> <p>Upon closer inspection, others believed it may have in face been an ‘5’ or ‘3’ instead of the letter ‘S’.</p> <p>A Coles spokesperson says the matter is being investigated.</p> <p>“Customers love our 100% Australian pork and our roasts are very popular,” the Coles spokesperson said.</p> <p>“The branding on this roast seems a little cheeky and we’ll be following up with our supplier.”</p> <p> </p>

Food & Wine

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"Absolute idiot": Grand slam birthday stitch-up puts Nick Kyrgios on the back foot

<p>It may not have been the 25th birthday Nick Kyrgios had in mind, but it went from bad to worse on Monday night when a fellow tennis star posted a particular photo.</p> <p>As countless people wished the talented Aussie a happy birthday, Greek tennis champ Stefanos Tsitsipas decided to go down a different path with his Instagram upload.</p> <p>Tsitsipas’ post was an image of himself holding up a cardboard sign which he captioned: “Lift others up”.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B_eouG8DHie/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="margin: 8px 0 0 0; padding: 0 4px;"><a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B_eouG8DHie/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">‎Lift others up 🙌🏼 . . . . . . . . 💭: @dudewithsign | #dudewithsign</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/stefanostsitsipas98/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank"> Stefanos Tsitsipas</a> (@stefanostsitsipas98) on Apr 27, 2020 at 2:07am PDT</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>The only problem was, the sign contained a mobile number, which fans quickly realised belonged to the one and only Nick Kyrgios. Kyrgios commented on the post: “You are an absolute idiot, everyone stop calling me!!!!!”</p> <p>The number was quickly disconnected after what most likely was a never ending hoard of phone calls and text messages.</p> <p>Of course, not all of the birthday wishes directed towards him caused a headache, as many took to social media to say happy birthday in a much more conventional way.</p>

Technology

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Fifi Box’s brutally honest parenting admission that will leave you in stitches

<p>Being the parent of a newborn isn’t always rainbows and sunshine - a reality many of us are very aware of. </p> <p>Fifi Box knows all about it too, with her beautiful bundle of joy being welcomed to the world just a little over a month ago. </p> <p>Being in the throes of newborn life, the mother of two got extremely candid about having to deal with every aspect of a tiny new tot - all the way from vomit to poop. </p> <p>The hilarious TV presenter shared a stunningly honest photograph to instagram, captioning the funny snap: “You know you really love your baby when…”</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0VOO41At2M/" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="margin: 8px 0 0 0; padding: 0 4px;"><a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0VOO41At2M/" target="_blank">You know you really love your baby when...😂</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/fifi_box/" target="_blank"> Fifi Box</a> (@fifi_box) on Jul 25, 2019 at 12:37am PDT</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>It seems the celeb wasn’t alone to share the giggles, with some of her famous friends sharing their own sentiments. </p> <p>“When the worst is the best!!!” Fifi’s <em>The Project</em> star Lisa Wilkinson wrote while Channel 7 presenter Melissa Doyle left a comment reading: “Gold! Literally!!”</p> <p>Fifi recently shared that her eldest daughter Trixie was the one to choose the name for her baby sister. </p> <p>“I never had a say in the name. Daisy was on my list and I always loved it, but when Trixie found out I was having a baby [she decided] that it was going to be called Daisy,” the TV presenter told her radio co-hosts, Brendan Fevola and Byron Cooke. </p> <p>“I just let it go and then suddenly I realised for seven months she's been wanting to call the baby Daisy and there's no going back there, so she's named her little sister which is really special.”</p>

Caring

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Queensland boy’s reaction to spotting monster croc will have you in stitches

<p>When most people spot a monster crocodile lurking in the body of water they were about to dive in to, their reaction involves thoughts of how they’re going to get out of there.</p> <p>But for one boy on holiday in Townsville it was a different story.</p> <p>Talking to <a href="https://au.news.yahoo.com/" target="_blank"><em><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">7 News</span></strong></em></a>, Jake told the reporter he was excited to see a crocodile so early into his holiday in the top end, but the sighting came with a tinge of disappointment.</p> <p>“It’s pretty cool... but we’re not going for a swim today or tomorrow,” he said.</p> <p>His older brother added that it was great to see the crocodile but “I didn’t want to be in there. It’s better to be on sand.</p> <p>“I don’t think we would go for a swim now,” he said.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><iframe src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2F7NewsTownsville%2Fvideos%2F1751648208181357%2F&amp;show_text=0&amp;width=560" width="560" height="315" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="true"></iframe></p> <p>Melanie Pensini, another holidaymaker who was in the area, photographed the predator from her apartment after watching it swim around for quite some time.</p> <p>“We’ve been watching it and it’s swimming along the beach between us and Longboards (Bar and Grill),” she said.</p> <p>“The kids wanted to go to the beach this afternoon, I’m so glad we didn’t go.”</p> <p>“It was floating there for a little while, it looked like a log.”</p> <p>Have you ever seen a giant croc?</p> <p><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/travel/travel-insurance/?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_campaign=travel-insurance&amp;utm_medium=in-article-banner&amp;utm_content=travel-insurance" target="_blank"><img src="http://media.oversixty.com.au/images/banners/Travel-Insurance_Website_GIF_468x602.gif" alt="Over60 Travel Insurance"/></a></p>

Travel Trouble

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Hotel guest’s hilarious apology letter will have you in stitches

<p>Once you’ve been banned from a hotel it’s pretty hard to get back in, but a man in the UK has made his best attempt at making amends with a hilarious letter, after an unfortunate set of circumstances led to him being put on the black list.</p> <p>Nick Burchill was banned from the Fairmont Empress hotel in Victoria, Canada, and his story is so impressive (and strange) we’ve decided to include his letter in full:</p> <p><iframe src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fnick.burchill.71%2Fposts%2F10156523301359739&amp;width=500" width="500" height="446" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true"></iframe></p> <p id="U633859195682O8F"><strong>Dear Empress Hotel:</strong></p> <p>This may seem like and unusual request, but I write to you today, seeking a “pardon”.</p> <p>Seventeen years ago a string of unfortunate events led to my being banned from your hotel. I would like to explain the incident.</p> <p>In 2001, I had recently joined my current employer, Xxx and I was also in the Canadian Naval Reserve. Xxx was hosting a customer conference at the Empress and it was my first event with the company.</p> <p>I told my navy buddies that I was coming out west and I was asked to bring “Brothers Pepperoni” from Halifax. It is a local delicacy. Because this was the navy we were talking about, I brought enough for a ship. In a hurry, I had completely filled a suitcase with pepperoni for my friends. Some of it was wrapped in plastic, some in brown paper. I took whatever Brothers would sell me.</p> <div id="unruly-publisher-marker__inArticle" unruly-publisher-marker="google_ads_iframe_/5129/ndm.esc/travel//traveladvice//travellersstories_5"></div> <div class="w_unruly ad-block ad-custom unruly_insert_native_ad_here" data-ad-size="4x4" data-device-type="web" id="ad-block-9046920413-2" data-ad-tar="pos=1" data-google-query-id="CMz__ebdodoCFcsDvAodGKsP2A"> <div id="google_ads_iframe_/5129/ndm.esc/travel//traveladvice//travellersstories_5__container__"><iframe id="google_ads_iframe_/5129/ndm.esc/travel//traveladvice//travellersstories_5" title="3rd party ad content" name="google_ads_iframe_/5129/ndm.esc/travel//traveladvice//travellersstories_5" width="4" height="4" scrolling="no" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" frameborder="0" data-integralas-id-5c9db623-4632-fe87-a09a-f2657b35251f=""></iframe>This is the bag that the airline misplaced. The bag reappeared the next day. I knew that the pepperoni would still be “good”. It had only been at room temperature for a short time. It would, however, be quite some time before I could turn it over to my friends.</div> </div> <p>Just to be safe, I decided that I should keep it cool.</p> <p>My room was a nice, big, front-facing room on the fourth floor. It was well appointed, but it did not have a refrigerator. It was April, the air was chilly. An easy way to keep all of this food cool would be just to keep it next to an open window. I lifted one of the sashes and spread the packages of pepperoni out on the table and window sill. Then, I went for a walk ... for about four or five hours.</p> <p>When I had covered enough ground, I returned to the hotel. I remember walking down the long hall and opening the door to my room to find an entire flock of seagulls in my room. I didn’t have time to count, but there must have been 40 of them and they had been in my room, eating pepperoni for a long time.</p> <p>In case you were wondering, Brothers TNT pepperoni does nasty things to a seagull’s digestive system. As you would expect, the room was covered in seagull c**p. What I did not realise until then was that seagulls also drool. Especially when they eat pepperoni.</p> <p>I’m sure you have an image in your head. Now remember that I have just walked into the room and startled all of these birds. They immediately started flying around and crashing into things as they desperately tried to leave the room through the small opening by which they had entered.</p> <p>Less composed seagulls are attempting to leave through the other closed windows. The result was a tornado of seagull excrement, feathers, pepperoni chunks and fairly large birds whipping around the room. The lamps were falling. The curtains were trashed. The coffee tray was just disgusting.</p> <p>I waded through the birds and opened the remaining windows. Most of the gulls left immediately. One tried to re-enter the room to grab another piece of pepperoni and in my agitated state, I took off one of my shoes and threw it at him. Both the gull and the shoe went out the window.</p> <p>By this time, I was down to one gull left in the room, but it was a big one, and it didn’t want to leave. As I chased it, it ran around the room with a big hunk of pepperoni in its gob.</p> <p>In a moment of clarity, I grabbed a bath towel and jumped it. It stated to freak out so I wrapped it in the towel and threw it out of the window.</p> <p>I had forgotten that seagulls cannot fly when they are wrapped in a towel.</p> <p>This is all happening fairly quickly and this is midafternoon. The Empress hosts a very famous and very popular “high tea”. I suspect this is where the large group of tourists was heading when they were struck by first my shoe, then a bound-up seagull (the seagull was unharmed, by the way).</p> <p>Let’s go back to my little housekeeping issue. The room was bad. There was a lot of damage.</p> <p>I was new to my company and I was really trying to make a good impression at this important event. I decided that I would carry on for now and handle this whole thing later. I then realised that I had only a few minutes before an important dinner and that I only had one shoe.</p> <p>I made my way to one of the side doors and recovered both the shoe and the towel that were laying in some wet soil near the walking path. The shoe was a mess. I took it back to the room. By this time, I had closed the windows and the air was becoming quite ripe with the smell of digested pepperoni and fish.</p> <p>I went into the washroom and rinsed the mud off of my shoe. It cleaned up nicely, but now I had one wet, dark shoe, and one dry, light coloured shoe.</p> <p>In retrospect, I should have just wet the dry shoe. Instead, I choose to dry the wet shoe using the little hairdryer. It was actually doing quite well. I had the hairdryer jammed in there and the shoe was drying quite nicely. Then, the phone rang.</p> <p>I walked into the next room to answer it and the power goes off. It turns out that the hairdryer had vibrated free of the shoe and fallen into the sink full of water and the GFI didn’t seem to be 100 per cent functional. I don’t know how much of the hotel’s power I knocked out, but at that point I decided I needed help.</p> <p>I called the front desk and asked for someone to come help me clean up a mess. I can still remember the look on the lady’s face when she opened the door. I had absolutely no idea what to tell her, so I just said “I’m sorry” and I went to dinner. When I came back, my things had been moved to a much smaller room.</p> <p>I thought that was the end of it all until I was told that my company had received a letter banning me from the Empress. A ban that I have respected for almost 18 years.</p> <p>I have matured and I admit responsibility for my actions. I come to you, hat-in-hand to apologise for the damage I had indirectly come to cause and to ask you to reconsider my lifetime ban from the property.</p> <p>I hope that you will see fit to either grant me a pardon, or consider my 18 years away from the Empress as “time served”.</p> <p>Thank you very much for your consideration.</p> <p id="U633859195682nVG"><strong>Sincerely,</strong></p> <p id="U633859195682oCG"><strong>Nick Burchill</strong></p> <p>Nick posted an update on Facebook earlier this week, saying his pardon had been granted.</p> <p>He wrote: “After reviewing my application for a pardon with the Empress staff, Ryan, the manager, has notified me verbally that I will once again be welcome as a guest. I bet it was the pound of Brothers Pepperoni that I gave them as a peace offering that did the trick.”</p> <p>What a lovely story!</p>

Books

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The letter from my 97-year-old mother that had me in stitches

<p><em><strong>Robyn Lee is in her 70s and lives with two lovable but naughty cats. She has published a book on seniors behaving badly, entitled </strong></em><strong>Old Age and Villainy</strong><em><strong>, and considers herself an expert on the subject. </strong></em></p> <p>I may or may not have mentioned previously how my mother, The Matriarch (TM) and her husband (The Third) would regularly update the family with regard to their eventual demise.  You know, wills, funeral director, etc.</p> <p>For years TM insisted she didn’t want mournful hymns but wished to have Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” and Louis Armstrong’s “When the Saints Go Marching In” played at her funeral.  However, as time went on she started revising these plans.  In one of our phone conversations, she informed me that the family could expect a letter outlining the changes.</p> <p>I received the letter a couple of weeks later and promptly rang my daughter to discuss it with her.  I read out what TM had written and both my daughter and I were helpless with laughter at the contents.  In her inimitable way, TM wrote down exactly what she wanted and I’ve shared it below with the only changes being names, otherwise it’s word for word as she wrote it, punctuation and all.</p> <p>“Dear Robyn</p> <p>The Third and I have spent a lot of time and deliberation over the planning of our funerals.  Our main concern is to make it as simple as possible for those of you who are left to cope.  We both feel that changing the venue is an unnecessary hassle, so we are leaving things as they are with the funeral director.  Because all of our friends have predeceased us, and for the same reason, we have great grandchildren we have never met, we have decided that we do not want a funeral!!!!</p> <p>When the time comes, we have decided we would like you to phone the funeral director and tell them that we are ready to go, whoever goes first.  This might seem drastic to you, but we have seen too many funerals in our chapel where the hearse sits outside with one or two mourners to pay their respects.  Such a dreary sight, and we don’t do dreary.</p> <p>We do not want flowers, wreaths and bunches are depressing.  We absolutely forbid viewing.  Why would anyone want to look at a dead face??  We might not be very pretty but we can still grin.  No eulogies.  Tell us what you can think of us while we can hear, not when we can’t answer back.</p> <p>Forget what we wanted eleven years ago.  Singing “When the Saints go Marching in” might have sounded OK then, but we cringe that the sound of your off-key warbling eleven years later would resurrect us.</p> <p>We mostly do not want people attending our funerals from a sense of duty.  We’d rather that they stayed home and had a drink to us.  We understand that you might be unhappy about our wishes, and we understand that, but we would really like it if you would put a notice in the newspaper to the effect that according to their wishes The Matriarch/The Third had a private funeral on such and such a date.</p> <p>That’s all I think folks.  We have nothing to say except we love you all and we have been blessed to have belonged to such a loving family.”</p> <p>I think that letter encapsulates The Matriarch beautifully.  She gets her point across with humour and style.</p> <p>There was an untoward reaction from one extended family member though and I became quite angry when I heard about it.  It caused poor TM a lot of worry and upset.  This family member told TM that as I lived in Australia, I would be very hurt and upset about these plans and that it was wrong to exclude me.  I found out when I had rung and TM, in a very small voice, asked if I was still speaking to her.  At that stage, I had no idea what had gone on and when TM explained and told me she had been so worried and upset, I was furious with this relative.  I told TM how I’d rung my daughter and that we both agreed her letter had made our day.  I also reassured her that the relative was the one with the problem, not me!  TM was so relieved to hear that, but my daughter and I were pretty disgusted that TM was put in such a position at her age.  It was also a fortunate piece of luck that I didn’t have an up to date phone number for this relative… there would have been fireworks!</p> <p><em>Robyn is writing a series on her 97-year-old mother (aka The Matriarch). Read part one <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/2017/04/robyn-lee-on-her-97-year-old-mother/" target="_blank">here</a></strong></span>, part two <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/2017/05/robyn-lee-on-the-matriarch-receives-a-pacemaker/" target="_blank">here</a></strong></span>, part three <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/2017/06/most-shocking-things-my-mum-said/" target="_blank">here</a></strong></span>, part four <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/2017/07/the-moments-my-97-year-old-mother-stunned-us-all/" target="_blank">here</a></strong></span>, part five <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/2017/08/robyn-lee-the-matriarch-outrageous-parties/" target="_blank">here</a></strong></span> and part six <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/2017/09/robyn-lee-matriarch-learns-valuable-life-lesson/" target="_blank">here</a></strong></span>.</em></p>

Family & Pets

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How WWI soldiers stitched their lives back together through embroidery

<p><em><strong>Emily Brayshaw is a lecturer of Fashion and Design History, Theory and Thinking at the University of Technology Sydney.</strong></em></p> <p>Albert Biggs, a labourer from Sydney who enlisted in the <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.awm.gov.au/exhibitions/dawn/empire/aif/" target="_blank">Australian Imperial Force</a></strong></span> under the name Alfred Briggs, was 23 when he arrived in Gallipoli on 22 August 1915.</p> <p>Biggs, as part of the second reinforcements for the 20th battalion, fought to defend the Anzac trenches on the ridge known as Russell’s Top, from where the ill-fated 3rd Light Horse Brigade had launched their attack for the Battle of the Nek. His battalion was evacuated to Egypt in December 1915 and sent to the Western Front the following April.</p> <p>Biggs was awarded the Military Medal for “great initiative and bravery” at Lagnicourt on <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.awm.gov.au/collection/REL45131/" target="_blank">15 April 1917</a></strong></span>, but he was severely wounded at the second battle of Bullecourt on 5 May. Shrapnel flew into his left knee, leaving it permanently fused, and his right humerus was shattered. This damaged the nerves in his arm so badly that he could scarcely use his <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.awm.gov.au/blog/2014/07/30/stitches-time-rehabilitation-embroidery-awm-collection/" target="_blank">right hand</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>Biggs spent nearly 12 months in hospital in Rouen, France, before being moved to the Tooting Military Hospital in London, where he was first encouraged to take up embroidery. He returned to Sydney in September 1918 and spent almost two years at the 4th Australian General Hospital at Randwick (where the Prince of Wales Hospital stands today), and convalescent homes. He was discharged from the army in 1920.</p> <p>Biggs was one of more than <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.awm.gov.au/atwar/ww1/" target="_blank">156,000 Australian men</a></strong></span> who were wounded, gassed, or taken prisoner during the first world war. Like many of his comrades, however, it is also likely that he suffered from some form of <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://theconversation.com/from-shell-shock-to-ptsd-a-century-of-invisible-war-trauma-74911" target="_blank">shell shock</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>Many of the hospitals tending the wounded during and after the War provided bright, clean, quiet environments where the men could perform meditative, transformative work that was essential to their rehabilitation from their physical and mental wounds.</p> <p>One such activity was embroidery, also known as “fancy work”. Embroidery was <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://academic.oup.com/jdh/article-abstract/doi/10.1093/jdh/epw043/2333849/The-work-of-masculine-fingers-the-Disabled?redirectedFrom=fulltext" target="_blank">widely</a></strong></span> used as a form of therapy for British, Australian, and New Zealand soldiers wounded in the War - challenging the gendered construct of it as “women’s work” that was <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://journalofmoderncraft.com/category/table-of-contents/page/4" target="_blank">ubiquitous</a></strong></span> throughout the 19th century.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><img width="237" height="372" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/37895/embroidery-in-text-1.jpg" alt="Embroidery In Text 1 (1)"/></p> <p style="text-align: center;" align="center"><em>Embroidery depicting a French farmhouse, stitched by 2626 Private William George Hilton. Image credit: Australian War Memorial.</em></p> <p>Hospitals in England, France, Australia, and New Zealand all offered embroidery therapy and important examples of the soldiers’ work can be found in places such as the <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://allthatremains.net.nz/2014/09/recuperation-new-trades-and-crafts-aid-recovery/" target="_blank">TePapa Museum</a></strong></span> in Wellington, New Zealand, the Australian War Memorial Museum and St Paul’s Cathedral in London, where the beautiful embroidered <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/stpaulslondon/sets/72157645431808070/" target="_blank">Altar Frontal</a></strong></span> was created by <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.stpauls.co.uk/history-collections/history/ww1/the-men-of-the-altar-frontal" target="_blank">wounded</a></strong></span> soldiers from the UK, Australia, Canada, and South Africa.</p> <p>Themes of the soldiers’ embroidery ranged from military heraldry to scenes from the French countryside to pieces for their sweethearts.</p> <p>The 4 AGH in Randwick had vast recreation facilities to help with soldiers’ rehabilitation and occupational therapy. Staff encouraged Biggs to resume embroidery to pass the time and develop the fine motor skills in his left hand.</p> <p>Individual embroidery was an excellent past-time for the wounded soldiers; it is a small, flat, quiet, intimate activity that can be conducted seated, either in a group or alone. The classes at 4 AGH were taught by volunteers and, as Lieutenant Colonel CLS Mackintosh noted, helped the patients, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://nla.gov.au/nla.obj-5244279/view?partId=nla.obj-5249236#page/n49/mode/1up/search/craft" target="_blank">“to forget that they have any great disability.” </a></strong></span></p> <p>The Australian War Memorial holds at least four examples of Biggs’ embroidery. One, which he completed while at the hospital in Randwick, shows a cushion with the 1912 Australian coat of arms sewn in stem, long, and satin stitch onto a black background.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><img width="498" height="530" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/37896/embroidery-in-text-2_498x530.jpg" alt="Embroidery In Text 2"/></p> <p style="text-align: center;" align="center"><em>The full cushion bearing the Australian coat of arms sewn by Albert Biggs. Image credit: Australian War Memorial.</em></p> <p>From what we know about Biggs’ service, we can surmise that this choice of embroidery pattern was bound to a constancy in his identity throughout his army experiences. Once a labourer, the war had made him a soldier, a war hero, and an invalid but he remained, above all, Australian.</p> <p>Biggs’s niece transformed several pieces of his embroidery into cushion covers. The back of the coat of arms cushion features six colourful, embroidered butterflies. The butterfly is a Christian symbol of hope and of the resurrection, because of its three stages of life. The butterfly is also associated with Psalm 119:50, “This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.”</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><img width="497" height="475" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/37897/embroidery-in-text-3_497x475.jpg" alt="Embroidery In Text 3"/></p> <p style="text-align: center;" align="center"><em>Six multi-coloured butterflies embroidered on the back of the cushion cover decorated with the Australian coat of arms by Lance Corporal Alfred Briggs (Albert Biggs), 20 Battalion, AIF. Image credit: Australian War Memorial.</em></p> <p>Biggs also created a piece with <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.awm.gov.au/collection/REL45129/" target="_blank">six gold daisies and four sprays of red berries</a></strong></span> and a <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.awm.gov.au/collection/REL45132/" target="_blank">piece</a></strong></span> with a King’s crown with crossed Union flag and Australian ensign, all within a laurel wreath. A scroll bearing the words, “For England home and beauty” sits above the piece; and a scroll reading “Australia will be there” below, but the rest of the pattern is <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.awm.gov.au/collection/REL45132/" target="_blank">unfinished</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>Creating these delicate works was a great achievement for Biggs as the skill would have taken him years to master; it is not unlike a right-handed person learning to write again neatly with their left hand.</p> <p>The soldiers’ work also created economic opportunities. Their embroidery and other ornaments were sold at the Red Cross Hospital Handicrafts Shop in Sydney where visitors were <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://nla.gov.au/nla.obj-38800899/view?partId=nla.obj-38810582#page/n34/mode/1up/search/fancy+work" target="_blank">encouraged to</a></strong></span> “purchase the work of returned soldiers to help them help themselves”. The Red Cross also supplied printed templates for embroidery, many of which bore patriotic messages, such as the piece that Biggs left uncompleted.</p> <p>One hundred years later, the story of Biggs’ bravery in Gallipoli and France has been stitched into the broader <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://creativeapproachestoresearch.net/wp-content/uploads/CAR6_2_FULL1.pdf" target="_blank">“mythscape”</a></strong></span> that surrounds Anzac Day. His embroidery, however, speaks to us of the quiet courage and dignity of Australia’s soldiers as they tried to mend their shattered lives following World War I.</p> <p>And interestingly, two recent studies have helped articulate the rationale for rehabilatation embroidery. <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://experts.umn.edu/en/publications/everyday-creative-activity-as-a-path-to-flourishing" target="_blank">One</a></strong></span> has demonstrated that undertaking everyday craft activities is associated with emotional flourishing, revealing the importance of handcrafts to their makers. <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://journalofmoderncraft.com/category/table-of-contents/page/4" target="_blank">Another study</a></strong></span> has shown that embroidery and sewing can allow individuals to work through mental trauma associated with war.</p> <p>Highlighting the practice of rehabilitation embroidery gives us new ways to remember Biggs and the 416,809 Australian men who served in WWI. The stories they stitched into their embroidery allow us to remember them as we grow old.</p> <p><em>Written by Emily Brayshaw. First appeared on <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://www.theconversation.com" target="_blank">The Conversation.</a></span></strong></em><img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.edu.au/content/76326/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/></p>

Retirement Life

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How to relieve a side stitch

<p>You’ve been walking or running for a while and you’re making great time, and then suddenly you’re struck down by a shooting pain in your side. Sound familiar? Nothing can derail your workout faster than an irksome side stitch, but thankfully, there are a number of quick and easy ways to get rid of one.</p> <p><strong>1. Stretch</strong></p> <p>You’ve probably heard this one before and maybe found it didn’t work. That’s because you need to hold the stretch longer. Here’s what to do – stop walking/running, bend your torso in the opposite direction to the pain and hold for 30 to 60 seconds.</p> <p><strong>2. Breathe</strong></p> <p>Shallow breathing during exercise can irritate the diaphragm (causing it to spasm, leaving you with a stitch), so try regulating your breathing pattern. Take a full breath into your belly for three seconds, then exhale though pursed lips for two seconds. It’ll take some getting used to, but you will notice a difference.</p> <p><strong>3. Eat and drink mindfully</strong></p> <p>According to sports nutritionist Nancy Clark, author of the <em>Sports Nutrition Guidebook</em>, “the weight of a full stomach tugs on the ligaments that hold the stomach in place, causing the cramp.” Drinking too much fluid or eating too much food prior to your work out can cause this, so avoid drinking for two hours before exercise. If you must, quench your thirst with half a cup of water.</p> <p><strong>4. Perfect your posture</strong></p> <p>A study in the <em>Journal of Science and Medicine in Sport</em> found that people with poor posture were more prone to side stitches, since slouching puts more strain on the peritoneum, a membrane lining the abdomen. Runners tend to lean forward as they become tired, causing more strain, so open up the chest and abdomen by stretching your arms behind you and holding for a few seconds.</p> <p><strong>5. Warm up</strong></p> <p>Like with any exercise, you put your body at risk of injury if you don’t adequately prepare the muscles beforehand. Stretch each part of the body before going on your walk or run to minimise your risk of developing a stitch, as well as to establish a healthy breathing pattern.</p> <p>Do you have any tips to relieving a stich? Let us know in the comments below. </p>

Body

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The logo on this plumber’s truck will have you in stitches

<p>When you’re a plumber you sometimes have to deal with some difficult situations while on the job, so it definitely helps to have a bit of a sense of humour.</p> <p>Nick Huckson, a plumber based in Ontario, Canada, has decided to use his sense of humour as a marketing ploy. And as you can see in the image below, it’s working.</p> <p><img width="500" height="374" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/26677/plumber-in-text_500x374.jpg" alt="Plumber -In -Text" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p>Huckson’s clever (and hilarious) painting has locals talking and has really started to get word out there to potential clients. The image of his truck’s new design, created by local sign store Classic Signs, has since gone viral and business is booming.</p> <p>What an absolutely hilarious sign. Have you ever seen something like this that has made you laugh out loud? Let us know in the comments below!</p> <p><em>Image credit: Facebook / Classic Signs Inc.</em></p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><a href="/news/news/2016/08/hilarious-video-captures-moment-dog-admits-to-chewing-up-slippers/"><strong>Hilarious video captures moment dog admits to chewing up slippers</strong></a></em></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><a href="/news/news/2016/08/sea-narrowly-escapes-pod-of-killer-whales/"><strong>Seal narrowly escapes pod of killer whales</strong></a></em></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><a href="/news/news/2016/08/victorian-man-finds-145-ounce-gold-nugget/"><strong>Victorian man finds 145-ounce gold nugget</strong></a></em></span></p>

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