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Don’t blame women for low libido. Sexual sparks fly when partners do their share of chores – including calling the plumber

<p>When a comic about “mental load” <a href="https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/">went viral in 2017</a>, it sparked conversations about the invisible workload women carry. Even when women are in paid employment, they remember their mother-in-law’s birthday, know what’s in the pantry and organise the plumber. This mental load often goes unnoticed.</p> <p>Women also <a href="https://theconversation.com/yet-again-the-census-shows-women-are-doing-more-housework-now-is-the-time-to-invest-in-interventions-185488">continue to do more housework</a> and childcare than their male partners.</p> <p>This burden has been exacerbated over the recent pandemic (homeschooling anyone?), <a href="https://theconversation.com/planning-stress-and-worry-put-the-mental-load-on-mothers-will-2022-be-the-year-they-share-the-burden-172599">leaving women</a> feeling exhausted, anxious and resentful.</p> <p>As sexuality researchers, we wondered, with all this extra work, do women have any energy left for sex?</p> <p>We decided to explore how mental load affects intimate relationships. We focused on female sexual desire, as “low desire” affects <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1743609520307566">more than 50% of women</a> and is <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0091302217300079">difficult to treat</a>.</p> <p>Our study, published in the <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2022.2079111">Journal of Sex Research</a>, shows women in equal relationships (in terms of housework and the mental load) are more satisfied with their relationships and, in turn, feel more sexual desire than those in unequal relationships.</p> <p> </p> <h2>How do we define low desire?</h2> <p>Low desire is tricky to explore. More than simply the motivation to have sex, women describe sexual desire as a state-of-being and a need for closeness.</p> <p>Adding to this complexity is the fluctuating nature of female desire that changes in response to life experiences and the <a href="https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160630-the-enduring-enigma-of-female-desire">quality of relationships</a>.</p> <p>Relationships are especially important to female desire: relationship dissatisfaction is a <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18410300/">top risk factor</a> for low desire in women, even more than the physiological impacts of age and menopause. Clearly, relationship factors are critical to understanding female sexual desire.</p> <p>As a way of addressing the complexity of female desire, a <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-018-1212-9">recent theory</a> proposed two different types of desire: dyadic desire is the sexual desire one feels for another, whereas solo desire is about individual feelings.</p> <p>Not surprisingly, dyadic desire is intertwined with the dynamics of the relationship, while solo desire is more amorphous and involves feeling good about yourself as a sexual being (feeling sexy), without needing validation from another.</p> <h2>Assessing the link</h2> <p>Our research acknowledged the nuances of women’s desire and its strong connection to relationship quality by exploring how fairness in relationships might affect desire.</p> <p>The research involved asking 299 Australian women aged 18 to 39 questions about desire and relationships.</p> <p>These questions included assessments of housework, mental load – such as who organised social activities and made financial arrangements – and who had more leisure time.</p> <p>We compared three groups:</p> <ul> <li>relationships where women perceived the work as equally shared equal (the “equal work” group)</li> <li>when the woman felt she did more work (the “women’s work” group)</li> <li>when women thought that their partner contributed more (the “partner’s work” group).</li> </ul> <p>We then explored how these differences in relationship equity impacted female sexual desire.</p> <h2>What we found</h2> <p>The findings were stark. Women who rated their relationships as equal also reported greater relationship satisfaction and higher dyadic desire (intertwined with the dynamics of the relationship) than other women in the study.</p> <p>Unfortunately (and perhaps, tellingly), the partner’s work group was too small to draw any substantial conclusions.</p> <p>However, for the women’s work group it was clear their dyadic desire was diminished. This group was also less satisfied in their relationships overall.</p> <p>We found something interesting when turning our attention to women’s solo desire. While it seems logical that relationship inequities might affect all aspects of women’s sexuality, our results showed that fairness did not significantly impact solo desire.</p> <p>This suggests women’s low desire isn’t an internal sexual problem to be treated with <a href="https://www.insider.com/guides/health/yoni-eggs#:%7E:text=Yoni%20eggs%20are%20egg%2Dshaped,bacterial%20infections%20and%20intense%20pain.">mindfulness apps and jade eggs</a>, but rather one that needs effort from both partners.</p> <p>Other relationship factors are involved. We found children increased the workload for women, leading to lower relationship equity and consequently, lower sexual desire.</p> <p> </p> <p>Relationship length also played a role. Research shows long-term relationships are <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-018-1175-x">associated with</a> decreasing desire for women, and this is often attributed to the tedium of over-familiarity (think of the bored, sexless <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBq-Nyo0lQg">wives in 90s sitcoms</a>).</p> <p>However our research indicates relationship boredom is not the reason, with the increasing inequity over the course of a relationship often the cause of women’s disinterest in sex.</p> <p>The longer some relationships continue, the more unfair they become, lowering women’s desire. This may be because women take on managing their partner’s relationships, as well as their own (“It’s time we had your best friend over for dinner”).</p> <p>And while domestic housework may start as equally shared, over time, women <a href="https://www.abs.gov.au/media-centre/media-releases/women-spent-more-time-men-unpaid-work-may">tend to do more</a> household tasks.</p> <h2>What about same-sex couples?</h2> <p>Same-sex couples have <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/fare.12293">more equitable relationships</a>.</p> <p>However, we found the same link between equity and desire for women in same-sex relationships, although it was much stronger for heteronormative couples.</p> <p>A sense of fairness within a relationship is fundamental to all women’s satisfaction and sexual desire.</p> <h2>What happens next?</h2> <p>Our findings suggest one response to low desire in women could be to address the amount of work women have to take on in relationships.</p> <p>The link between relationship satisfaction and female sexual desire has been firmly established in <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-018-1175-x">previous research</a> but our findings explain how this dynamic works: women’s sense of fairness within a relationship forecasts their contentment, which has repercussions on their desire for their partner.</p> <p>To translate our results into clinical practice, we could run trials to confirm if lowering women’s mental load results in greater sexual desire.</p> <p>We could have a “housework and mental load ban” for a sample of women reporting low sexual desire and record if there are changes in their reported levels of desire.</p> <p>Or perhaps women’s sexual partners could do the dishes tonight and see what happens.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/dont-blame-women-for-low-libido-sexual-sparks-fly-when-partners-do-their-share-of-chores-including-calling-the-plumber-185401" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. </em></p>

Relationships

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6 things plumbers never do in their own homes

<p>Plumbing is something we often take for granted, but without it we wouldn’t have warm showers, toilets that flush or the means to pressure wash the driveway. Not only that, a working plumbing system is key to sanitation – in your home and your community.</p> <p>“It is a known motto in the plumbing community that the plumber protects the health of the nation,” says licensed plumber Aaron Mulder. “As soon as you don’t have working plumbing systems in a country, things start to deteriorate.”</p> <p>That’s why, Mulder says, homeowners need to pay attention to the plumbing in their homes. This involves things like fixing leaks in a timely manner, replacing broken parts before they completely fail and regularly checking water pressure.</p> <p>Perhaps even more importantly, it’s avoiding common behaviours that wreak havoc on a home’s plumbing system. What are those behaviours? We went straight to the plumbers themselves to find out.</p> <p>Here are six things professional plumbers would never do in their own homes.</p> <p><strong>Plumbers don’t flush baby wipes down the toilet</strong></p> <p>The box may say the wipes are flushable, but the truth is there are only two things that should be ever be flushed – toilet paper and human waste, says Mulder. Everything else, from feminine hygiene products to paper towels and beyond, will undoubtedly clog your pipes – if not right away, eventually.</p> <p>These items can also clog up the entire sewer system. Over time, this can create a big expensive mess at your city’s sewage treatment plant, not to mention a threat to public health. Instead, do what plumbers do and toss disposable baby wipes in the garbage bin.</p> <p><strong>Plumbers don’t use harsh chemicals in drains</strong></p> <p>If you routinely pour a store-bought drain cleaner down the sink to do away with clogs, stop immediately. These cleaners are not just ineffective, they are caustic, says plumber Terry O’Shea, who warns chemical drain cleaners can burn your pipes and your skin, if you touch them.</p> <p>And the claims that these cleaners dissolve hair? Nope.</p> <p>“It (might) burn away some of the hair and gunk … but at the end of the day it is not going to stop that buildup from reoccurring,” Mulder says. “It is just (pushing) down to where the chemical didn’t reach.”</p> <p>What should you do about clogs? Plumber-recommended enzymatic drain cleaners are usually safe, or you can try a drain auger (sometimes called a plumbing snake), O’Shea says. Don’t give in to the temptation to use a hanger for the job though, says Mulder. Anything rigid can damage the pipe and cause a whole slew of issues, like leaks, broken seals, bad smells and bug infestations (yuck!).</p> <p><strong>Plumbers don’t pour grease down the drain</strong></p> <p>You just cooked some bacon and need to get rid of the grease. You have a few options, but pouring it down the kitchen sink is not one of them, says Mulder.</p> <p>Initially, the grease will stick to the walls of your pipes and start clogging your drain. Eventually, some of that grease will make it to the sewer, where it mixes with all the other raw sewage (along with those baby wipes that shouldn’t be there). The result? A disgusting sewer-damaging blob called a fatberg. Last year, waste treatment officials in England discovered a fatberg that was more than 60 metres long.</p> <p>We know you don’t want to contribute to such a monstrosity. Instead, Mulder advises scraping congealed grease into the garbage bin, or pouring warm grease into a can or jar to throw away later. Some people even save grease for further use in the kitchen.</p> <p><strong>Plumbers don’t take the term “garbage disposal” literally</strong></p> <p>Despite the name, your sink’s garbage disposal is not meant to dispose of garbage, says Mulder. Small scraps of certain types of food (and the milk at the bottom of your cereal bowl) are OK. But eggshells, hunks of meat, and coffee grounds, among other things, should not go down your garbage disposal.</p> <p>“(These items) are overworking the unit, or overheating it,” Mulder says. If you do this continually, Mulder says, it will damage and ultimately ruin the garbage disposal.</p> <p>And that’s not the only thing. Since the disposal isn’t designed to break down the food, that leftover chicken will rot in your pipes. Before long, you’ll have an unpleasant odour and a dirty job to deal with. Save yourself the trouble and expense by composting or throwing away food scraps.</p> <p><strong>Plumbers don’t put off preventive maintenance</strong></p> <p>Like cars, plumbing systems need regular maintenance even when nothing is amiss. Plumbers know the importance of keeping up on said maintenance in their homes, so they can minimise the possibility of something major going wrong, like a leak, corrosion or a septic tank issue.</p> <p>Mulder says it is particularly important to do an annual pressure check to make sure your water pressure is in a safe range. To meet Australian Standards, the standard maximum is 45-55 PSI (pounds per square inch). The PSI requirements differ from country to country. You can buy a water pressure gauge at your local hardware store.</p> <p>Other preventive maintenance activities include checking for leaks and clogs, and making sure you don’t have any broken internal parts in your toilets, sinks or tubs/showers. He also recommends checking your supply lines – a.k.a. the hoses that allow water to travel from the main water line to individual fixtures – to make sure they are still in good shape. Many homeowners, he says, are surprised to find out supply lines are typically only rated for three to five years of use.</p> <p><strong>Plumbers don’t prolong the investigation of the problem</strong></p> <p>Nobody ever wants to scrap their weekend plans at the last minute to deal with a plumbing problem. But if you wake up one morning and find a pool of water under your washing machine, it’s wise to deal with it right away, says Mulder.</p> <p>“If you think you have a water leak … you definitely want to get it looked at before it becomes a bigger issue,” he says, adding that plumbing problems are not the type that correct themselves over time.</p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/food-home-garden/diy-tips/6-things-plumbers-never-do-in-their-own-homes" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader’s Digest</a>.</em></p>

Home Hints & Tips

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5 things plumbers never do in their own homes

<p>Plumbing is something we often take for granted, but without it we wouldn’t have warm showers, toilets that flush or the means to pressure wash the driveway. Not only that, a working plumbing system is key to sanitation – in your home and your community.</p> <p>“It is a known motto in the plumbing community that the plumber protects the health of the nation,” says licensed plumber Aaron Mulder. “As soon as you don’t have working plumbing systems in a country, things start to deteriorate.”</p> <p>That’s why, Mulder says, homeowners need to pay attention to the plumbing in their homes. This involves things like fixing leaks in a timely manner, replacing broken parts before they completely fail and regularly checking water pressure.</p> <p>Perhaps even more importantly, it’s avoiding common behaviours that wreak havoc on a home’s plumbing system. What are those behaviours? We went straight to the plumbers themselves to find out.</p> <p>Here are five things professional plumbers would never do in their own homes.</p> <p><strong>Plumbers don't flush baby wipes down the toilet</strong></p> <p>The box may say the wipes are flushable, but the truth is there are only two things that should be ever be flushed – toilet paper and human waste, says Mulder. Everything else, from feminine hygiene products to paper towels and beyond, will undoubtedly clog your pipes – if not right away, eventually.</p> <p>These items can also clog up the entire sewer system. Over time, this can create a big expensive mess at your city’s sewage treatment plant, not to mention a threat to public health. Instead, do what plumbers do and toss disposable baby wipes in the garbage bin.</p> <p><strong>Plumbers don't use harsh chemicals in drains</strong></p> <p>If you routinely pour a store-bought drain cleaner down the sink to do away with clogs, stop immediately. These cleaners are not just ineffective, they are caustic, says plumber Terry O’Shea, who warns chemical drain cleaners can burn your pipes and your skin, if you touch them.</p> <p>And the claims that these cleaners dissolve hair? Nope.</p> <p>“It (might) burn away some of the hair and gunk … but at the end of the day it is not going to stop that buildup from reoccurring,” Mulder says. “It is just (pushing) down to where the chemical didn’t reach.”</p> <p>What should you do about clogs? Plumber-recommended enzymatic drain cleaners are usually safe, or you can try a drain auger (sometimes called a plumbing snake), O’Shea says. Don’t give in to the temptation to use a hanger for the job though, says Mulder. Anything rigid can damage the pipe and cause a whole slew of issues, like leaks, broken seals, bad smells and bug infestations (yuck!).</p> <p><strong>Plumbers don't pour grease down the drain</strong></p> <p>You just cooked some bacon and need to get rid of the grease. You have a few options, but pouring it down the kitchen sink is not one of them, says Mulder.</p> <p>Initially, the grease will stick to the walls of your pipes and start clogging your drain. Eventually, some of that grease will make it to the sewer, where it mixes with all the other raw sewage (along with those baby wipes that shouldn’t be there). The result? A disgusting sewer-damaging blob called a fatberg. Last year, waste treatment officials in England discovered a fatberg that was more than 60 metres long.</p> <p>We know you don’t want to contribute to such a monstrosity. Instead, Mulder advises scraping congealed grease into the garbage bin, or pouring warm grease into a can or jar to throw away later. Some people even save grease for further use in the kitchen.</p> <p><strong>Plumbers don't put off preventative maintenance</strong></p> <p>Like cars, plumbing systems need regular maintenance even when nothing is amiss. Plumbers know the importance of keeping up on said maintenance in their homes, so they can minimise the possibility of something major going wrong, like a leak, corrosion or a septic tank issue.</p> <p>Mulder says it is particularly important to do an annual pressure check to make sure your water pressure is in a safe range. To meet Australian Standards, the standard maximum is 45-55 PSI (pounds per square inch). The PSI requirements differ from country to country. You can buy a water pressure gauge at your local hardware store.</p> <p>Other preventive maintenance activities include checking for leaks and clogs, and making sure you don’t have any broken internal parts in your toilets, sinks or tubs/showers. He also recommends checking your supply lines – a.k.a. the hoses that allow water to travel from the main water line to individual fixtures – to make sure they are still in good shape. Many homeowners, he says, are surprised to find out supply lines are typically only rated for three to five years of use.</p> <p><strong>Plumbers don't prolong the investigation of the problem</strong></p> <p>Nobody ever wants to scrap their weekend plans at the last minute to deal with a plumbing problem. But if you wake up one morning and find a pool of water under your washing machine, it’s wise to deal with it right away, says Mulder.</p> <p>“If you think you have a water leak … you definitely want to get it looked at before it becomes a bigger issue,” he says, adding that plumbing problems are not the type that correct themselves over time.</p> <p><em><span>Written by Dawn Weinberger. This article first appeared in </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/food-home-garden/diy-tips/6-things-plumbers-never-do-in-their-own-homes" target="_blank"><span>Reader’s Digest</span></a><span>. For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, </span><a rel="noopener" href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=articles&amp;utm_campaign=RDSUB&amp;keycode=WRA87V" target="_blank"><span>here’s our best subscription offer.</span></a></em></p> <p><em><span>Image: Getty Images</span></em></p> <p><img style="width: 100px !important; height: 100px !important;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7820640/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f30947086c8e47b89cb076eb5bb9b3e2" /></p>

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“Legend”: Plumber praised for act of kindness towards elderly woman

<p>A British plumber has been praised for his act of kindness after he was called out to fix an elderly woman’s boiler.</p> <p>James Anderson from the English town of Burnley was asked to look at a woman’s boiler after it was reported to be leaking.</p> <p>Once the job as done, Mr Anderson refused to bill her, writing on the receipt that the total cost of the job came to $0.</p> <p>The invoice was shared throughout social media by the woman’s daughter.</p> <p>“Lady is 91 years of age, acute leukaemia, end of life care. No charge for this lady under any circumstances,” read the bill.</p> <p>“We will be available 24 hours to help her and keep her as comfortable as possible.”</p> <p>Mr Anderson has running Disabled &amp; Elderly Plumping and Heating Emergency Repair (DEPHER), a not-for-profit company, since March 2017.</p> <p>Since the company was established, Mr Anderson has helped 2389 people.</p> <p>Speaking to<span> </span><em>CNN</em>, he revealed that he was inspired to start DEPHER after he saw an elderly man being “manipulated” by another engineer.</p> <p>“It got me thinking about other elderly and vulnerable people – we need to do something more to help the people who need it most,” he said.</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet tw-align-center" data-lang="en-gb"> <p dir="ltr">This is the invoice from plumber, James Anderson in Burnley after fixing a lady's boiler - gives me a little hope for humanity after all <a href="https://t.co/zddMJO2f4a">pic.twitter.com/zddMJO2f4a</a></p> — ProudDevonian (@PDevonian) <a href="https://twitter.com/PDevonian/status/1173273427874070529?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">15 September 2019</a></blockquote> <p>“A lot of elderly and disabled people don’t like asking for assistance and if they can’t afford something like fixing the boiler, they might not do it and get into trouble. We are there to take that worry away.”</p> <p>The company relies on<span> </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/disabled-elderly-free-plumbing-heating-service" target="_blank">donations and support</a><span> </span>from community members, with Mr Anderson close to $14,590 in debt due to this act of selflessness.</p> <p>He is currently paying off the debt in monthly instalments and said that as long as he had enough money to fill up his car he would “be there to try and help the people who need it”.</p> <p>Countless people have taken to Facebook to shower praise upon Mr Anderson for his kindness.</p> <p>“There are some wonderful people in this world. James is one of them,” wrote one user.</p> <p>“James Anderson, you sir are a legend, in a country filled with hate &amp; greed your humanity shines like a beacon, massive good luck with your business you thoroughly deserve it, you haven’t touch my boiler but you’ve given me a warm glow,” wrote another.</p>

Retirement Life

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85 plumbers on board flight unable to fix plane's broken toilet

<p><span>A Norwegian Air flight had to turn around shortly after take-off due to a problem with the toilets, despite there being 85 plumbers on board.</span></p> <p><span>On Saturday, the plane travelling to Munich from Oslo was already 34 minutes late but didn’t get past the Swedish border after experiencing a problem with the toilets, reported Norwegian newspaper <em>Dagablat.</em></span></p> <p><span>“It is true that DY1156, who was to fly from Oslo to Munich, had to turn to Oslo again when they found a mistake on the toilets on board. The plane had to circulate over Hedmark to get rid of fuel so it was not too heavy to land,” communications adviser Fatima Elkadi told <em>Dagbladet.</em></span></p> <p><span>The plan seats 186 passengers and 60 to 70 of those on board were plumbers all from the same company, with others from the industry onboard as well.</span></p> <p><span>The plumbers were on their way to a trip to Munich with their company.</span></p> <p><span>“We would have liked to fix the rest rooms, but unfortunately it had to be done from the outside and we did not take the opportunity to send a plumber [out] at 10,000 metres,” the CEO of the plumbing company, Frank Olsen, told the paper.</span></p> <p><span>A spokesman from Norwegian Air said the aircraft was fixed and continued on a flight later the same day.</span></p> <p><span>“We would like to thank passengers for their patience and would like to apologise for the inconvenience,” the spokesman said.</span></p>

International Travel

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The logo on this plumber’s truck will have you in stitches

<p>When you’re a plumber you sometimes have to deal with some difficult situations while on the job, so it definitely helps to have a bit of a sense of humour.</p> <p>Nick Huckson, a plumber based in Ontario, Canada, has decided to use his sense of humour as a marketing ploy. And as you can see in the image below, it’s working.</p> <p><img width="500" height="374" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/26677/plumber-in-text_500x374.jpg" alt="Plumber -In -Text" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p>Huckson’s clever (and hilarious) painting has locals talking and has really started to get word out there to potential clients. The image of his truck’s new design, created by local sign store Classic Signs, has since gone viral and business is booming.</p> <p>What an absolutely hilarious sign. Have you ever seen something like this that has made you laugh out loud? Let us know in the comments below!</p> <p><em>Image credit: Facebook / Classic Signs Inc.</em></p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><a href="/news/news/2016/08/hilarious-video-captures-moment-dog-admits-to-chewing-up-slippers/"><strong>Hilarious video captures moment dog admits to chewing up slippers</strong></a></em></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><a href="/news/news/2016/08/sea-narrowly-escapes-pod-of-killer-whales/"><strong>Seal narrowly escapes pod of killer whales</strong></a></em></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><a href="/news/news/2016/08/victorian-man-finds-145-ounce-gold-nugget/"><strong>Victorian man finds 145-ounce gold nugget</strong></a></em></span></p>

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