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Why we need to stop being so judgemental – and the 4 steps to do it

<p>As a society, we've become increasingly judgmental. We tend to judge not only others but ourselves as well. From a person's physical appearance to their actions, we criticise and judge everything. Everyone is too fat, too thin, too old, or too young, creating an environment where nothing seems to be good enough. This constant pattern of judgment is now harming our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.</p> <p>When we judge, we compare ourselves to others, leaving us emotionally vulnerable. Through this judgement, we seek to establish a sense of security and control over our lives and surroundings, often without even realising it. However, by increasing our emotional resilience and sense of control, we become consciously aware of this behaviour and can take steps to change it. So, is it possible to become less judgemental? </p> <p>As an educator and researcher, I developed an Emotional Resilience language (ER). It introduces simple changes that can reduce judgment, foster empathy, compassion, and personal responsibility, and bolster emotional intelligence and resilience when integrated into everyday life. Using a driving metaphor, ER simplifies the intricate world of emotions, providing an innovative way to integrate emotional vocabulary into daily life. It enhances understanding and establishes new neural pathways and healthier thought patterns.</p> <p>The following outlines the initial steps of ER, which can effectively manage judgement towards yourself and others. Though the changes may appear simplistic, they are instrumental in establishing lasting transformation.</p> <p><strong>1. Removing judgement towards how you or others may feel:</strong> Instead of labelling emotions as good or bad, view them as rough or smooth emotional roads. Just as roads serve different purposes, so do emotions. Rough emotions build resilience, while smooth emotions promote well-being, removing the need to lift everyone off a rough road. This makes it easier to recognise and accept emotions without feeling like a failure when things aren't going smoothly. You don’t know why someone is on a rough road, so resist the temptation to judge them.</p> <p><strong>2: The metaphorical steering wheel</strong> in ER represents emotional control and the power of choice in navigating life's challenges. As in a car, you should be the only one controlling your emotional steering wheel. Rather than judging yourself and others, this logical approach empowers you to regain control over your focus, emotions, and destination. Just because someone else is on a rough road doesn’t mean you must join them, fostering resilience and responsibility. </p> <p><strong>3. Shifting judgement and blame to responsibility</strong> involves removing phrases such as "You are making me angry, " which inadvertently hands your emotional steering wheel to others. Replace it with, "I am choosing to feel angry in response to this situation." This subtle alteration, substituting "making" with "choosing," helps reclaim ownership of your steering wheel rather than relinquishing control to external factors. Assigning blame—"It's your fault, it's the government's fault, it's my partner’s fault"— leaves you feeling like a victim, and you then resort to judgement and retaliation to regain control. </p> <p><strong>4. The importance of taking control:</strong> Understanding that judgement cannot be contained nor emotional resilience built when you are out of control on either road is crucial. Out-of-control scenarios activate the amygdala, the brain's fight, flight or freeze mode, disabling the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for thinking and creativity. It is only possible to discuss a situation once the involved parties have regained control and can access the thinking part of their brain. Therefore, regaining control is essential for reducing judgement, as then you can have productive discussions that help maintain emotional well-being. This includes your conversations with yourself, which can often be the harshest!</p> <p>ER helps reduce judgement by developing your emotional resilience. Awareness of the emotional state of yourself and others fosters emotional intelligence, while learning to regain control builds resilience. Recognising that navigating rough emotions is crucial for growth alleviates the pressure from always needing to be on a smooth road and judging yourself and others if they aren’t. It shifts focus from dwelling on challenges and comparing yourself to others to being able to understand and manage your responses. Incorporating language changes into daily life builds new neural pathways, creating new thought patterns that reduce judgment and blame. </p> <p>By avoiding the tendency to judge yourself or others, you take back control of your reactions to people and circumstances. This leads to better mental and emotional well-being and fosters positive relationships with yourself and others. Does this mean you will never judge again? Of course not. You’re human. It’s what you do with the judgment that can make all the difference. </p> <p><strong>Dr Jane Foster is a leading educator, researcher, presenter and author of <em>It’s In Your Hands; Your Steering Wheel, Your Choice</em>. Combining her educational skills with neuroscience and positive psychology, Jane equips people with strategies to help build emotional resilience and manage their daily stresses, successfully changing perspective and creating new neural pathways. For more information, visit <a href="https://www.emotionalresiliencetraining.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.emotionalresiliencetraining.com.au</a></strong></p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

Mind

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Why are the poor shunned? The reasons are complicated

<p>In a <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/central-european-history/article/what-it-means-to-have-nothing-poverty-and-the-idea-of-human-dignity-in-nineteenthcentury-germany/8C8F12F666689B75396E67A212E69EBD">study</a> of 19th century ideas of poverty, the German historian Beate Althammer observes a strange dichotomy. On the one hand, “there existed a deep-rooted tradition of ascribing to the poor a special proximity to God”.</p> <p>As a Hamburg teacher wrote in 1834, "Who obliges us more to sympathy and reverence than he who faces the inescapable blows of an erratic fate with manly steadiness, pious resignation and wise abstinence? What a dignified appearance is the neediness simultaneously ennobled and keenly veiled by an indestructible love of honor, which will bear suffering rather than pity!"</p> <p>Yet the same teacher sounds a dissonant note when writing about the “depraved, ignominious poverty” of the beggar, “who has rid himself of all shame and discipline on the way to impoverishment”. </p> <p>“Where idleness has become a trade and begging a fraudulent art,” he continues, “all human feeling has died.”</p> <p>The idea that the poor are impoverished morally as well as materially, that they lack humanity as well as means, has a long history. It is expressed most mordantly in Jonathan Swift’s <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/files/1080/1080-h/1080-h.htm">A Modest Proposal</a>, a 1729 satire on British attitudes to Irish poverty.</p> <p>Starvation among large families could be averted with a simple solution, "A young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee, or a ragout."</p> <p>Swift’s suggestion that poor children could become a commercial food source is mocking heartless responses to poverty. His “proposal” rests on a dehumanising equation of people with animals or consumer goods. A new book argues that this animus is an enduring feature of contemporary society.</p> <h2>Aporophobia</h2> <p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adela_Cortina">Adela Cortina</a> is a distinguished Spanish political philosopher who has written extensively on ethics, justice, civil society and democracy. Around the new millennium, she began to write on the rejection of the poor as an overlooked form of prejudice.</p> <p>Cortina coined the term “aporophobia” – from the Ancient Greek aporos, meaning poor or without means – and published an influential 2017 book on the subject in Spanish. That book has now been published in English as <a href="https://press.princeton.edu/books/hardcover/9780691205526/aporophobia">Aporophobia: Why We Reject the Poor Instead of Helping Them</a>.</p> <p>Cortina does not present aporophobia as a clinical condition or narrowly as a species of fear. Much like other faux-phobias, such as homophobia and xenophobia, she takes it to be a widespread aversion, based on contempt as much as dread, which justifies the ongoing deprecation of the poor.</p> <p>Her primary case for the reality and significance of aporophobia rests on the harsh treatment of immigrants and displaced people. What might first appear to be a xenophobic response, Cortina argues, may not be motivated by their foreignness or race, but by the perception that their poverty leaves them unable to reciprocate the host nation’s beneficence, "Do we reject immigrants because they are foreign or because they are poor and seem to bring problems while offering nothing of value in return?"</p> <p>Cortina observes that some groups of foreigners are welcomed. Tourists, investors and international students, all of whom bring resources, encounter widespread xenophilia. The roots of prejudice towards immigrants, refugees and asylum seekers, Cortina suggests, are therefore to be found in the perception of their indigence rather than their alienness.</p> <p>Having defined and made a theoretical case for aporophobia, Cortina moves on to the problem of hatred, understood as group-based animosity based on the assumed superiority of its perpetrators. </p> <p>Hate crimes against the poor and homeless motivated by aporophobia, which she estimates as constituting around 1% of Spain’s total, must be acknowledged and taken seriously. Even so, she maintains that aporophobic hatred is distinct from other kinds because “involuntary poverty […] is neither a personal identity nor a choice”.</p> <p>Cortina’s prescription for combating hate speech is the cultivation of “active respect” and “mutual recognition of dignity” in civil society. Juridical solutions are insufficient, she maintains. The grounds for objecting to hate speech is a proposed “right to self-esteem”, a right that some might seem to have in excess. </p> <p>Although many examples of hate speech appear to be based on race, religion or ideology, Cortina proposes that poverty is their essential common ingredient. Aporophobia, she argues, “is inevitably at the root of speech acts that target those in subordinate positions”. On this expansive view, any form of subordination or “position of weakness” is interpreted as a form of poverty. </p> <p>Overcoming hatred may be challenging because “our brains are aporophobic”. Cortina explores the neuroscience of social conflict, finding evidence of a “contractualist brain” that is primed to expect reciprocity and respond with moralistic aggression to violations of that principle. To override this brain-based rejection of free riders, she argues, we need a program of “moral bioenhancement”. </p> <p>The ultimate way forward does not involve tinkering with our brains, however. “Economic institutions that eliminate poverty and inequality are the best ways to eradicate aporophobia.” In addition, universal values and “cosmopolitan hospitality” must be taught and practised. Cortina closes her book with suggestions for how a more compassionate citizenry and a more economically fair international order can be created.</p> <h2>Impoverished emotions</h2> <p>Cortina’s work is a philosophically rich and sometimes rousing call to end poverty and secure human dignity. Whether the concept of aporophobia can bear the interpretive load she places on it is another matter. The concept is both too narrow and too ambitious to serve its intended explanatory function. Its diagnosis of the source of antipathy to the poor is questionable in three respects.</p> <p>First, the concept of aporophobia asserts that the ingredients of antipathy to the poor are fear and contempt. The poor are dreaded from a position of threat and scorned from a position of imagined superiority. These emotional elements may be present in responses to the poor, but indifference and neglect are at least equally powerful. The poor suffer as much from a cold lack of concern, reinforced by spatial separation, as they do from heated aversion. Residential segregation and national borders help to keep poverty out of sight and out of mind, but this motivated ignorance is invisible in Cortina’s account.</p> <p>Second, the concept of aporophobia overlooks a key aspects of the rejection of the poor. By centring fear and contempt, Cortina omits the moral dimension of that aversion. The poor are not merely dreaded and scorned, but are also believed to have transgressed rules of fairness. This dynamic is evident in the dichotomous reactions to the virtuous and vicious poor characters mentioned at the beginning of this review. Polarised responses to people viewed as deserving and undeserving of their impoverished state are common. Those seen as not responsible for their condition are judged worthy, whereas those who are thought to have brought it on themselves are reviled. Attitudes to the poor hinge on moral evaluations of deservingness, which ideas of amoral aversion fail to capture.</p> <p>Third, if our views of the poor are indeed polarised by judgements of deservingness, is there a powerful aversion to the poor as a class, as Cortina suggests, or only to its undeserving variety? The poor are sometimes stereotyped as lacking in warmth and capability – though <a href="https://spssi.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/josi.12208">not invariably</a>. But it is unclear whether that perception reveals attitudes to poverty per se or only to that demonised form. </p> <p><a href="https://spssi.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/asap.12313">Recent Australian research</a> suggests that evaluations of poverty may be quite benevolent. The study examined how public attitudes are influenced by poverty, unemployment and receipt of income support. It found that poverty itself carries little stigma. Members of the working poor were judged no less sympathetically than other workers. </p> <p>Being unemployed, however, carried a negative charge, and receiving unemployment benefits an additional one. Benefit recipients were perceived as less disciplined, emotionally stable and warm than other unemployed people. </p> <p>These findings are consistent with the well established phenomenon of <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-social-policy/article/abs/stigma-of-claiming-benefits-a-quantitative-study/AF30092AE7D5B7C659798228B219F02C">benefit stigma</a>, related to a stereotype of recipients as lazy, parasitic, and undeserving. They are not consistent with an aversion to poor people that is directly attributable to their poverty. Any account that invokes an amoral generalised aversion to the poor rather than a moralised aversion to the supposedly undeserving poor is incomplete.</p> <h2>Is aporophobia primary?</h2> <p>In addition to querying Cortina’s characterisation of the emotions underlying our views of the poor, we can also quibble with her argument for the primacy of aporophobia over xenophobia in the rejection of immigrants and displaced people. </p> <p>It is unquestionably true that attitudes to outsiders are rarely monolithically negative, and that wealthy foreigners are welcomed in ways that refugees are not. But the argument that xenophobia can be reduced to aporophobia – not to mention the more general claim that aporophobia is at the root of all forms of subordination – is entirely far-fetched. </p> <p>Our tendency to show an ethnocentric preference for our own kind – to value and favour in-group over out-group – is very <a href="https://spssi.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/0022-4537.00126">well established</a> and even wealthy outsiders are not immune to it. We routinely denigrate and distrust foreign nationals, even – and sometimes especially – when they are rich and powerful. </p> <p>The fact that poverty is one reason for our rejection of immigrants or displaced persons does not make it the only one. Any rejection based on lack of means or reciprocity is compounded by rejection based on foreignness (xenophobia), on race, and potentially on other factors, such as religion or gender. </p> <p>To reduce the hostility of rich European nations to immigrants from North Africa and beyond to aporophobia, as Cortina does, or to racism, as others prefer to do, is to oversimplify. Single-barrelled explanations overlook the fact that prejudice is layered.</p> <p>Consider Australia’s historically unwelcoming attitude to many immigrants and displaced persons. It has been popular to view this rejection through a racism or xenophobia monocle. If that were the whole story, public attitudes would be equally antagonistic to immigrants, refugees admitted through the humanitarian program, and undocumented asylum seekers. But those attitudes are decidedly unequal.</p> <p>Attitudes towards immigrants are typically warmer and more compassionate than those towards refugees, with special scorn reserved for undocumented boat arrivals. Aporophobia may help to account for some of these differences: immigrants are assumed to be skilled and economically self-sufficient, whereas refugees and asylum seekers are assumed to require substantial welfare supports. </p> <p>However, much of the animus towards asylum seekers focuses not on their race, foreignness, or lack of resources, but on moralistic reactions to their mode of entry, as the shrill language of “illegals” and “queue-jumpers” attests. To reduce popular attitudes towards displaced people to racism, xenophobia or aporophobia is to bulldoze several tiers of aversion into one flattened explanation.</p> <h2>A confluence of factors</h2> <p>Social rejection can take many forms and have many determinants. The idea of “<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intersectionality">intersectionality</a>” offers one perspective. How we evaluate and respond to a person may reflect the unique intersection of their identities. The stereotype of “Asian woman” is not a simple sum of the stereotypes of “Asian” and “woman” but may call up a distinct configuration of perceptions. </p> <p>Sometimes, though, it helps to remember that some attitudes are not so much intersectional as additive, at least in their virulence. How negatively we perceive groups such as asylum seekers may reflect a confluence of factors: their outsider status, their race, their poverty, their officially sanctioned versus unsanctioned means of entering the country, and so on. </p> <p>“Additivity” doesn’t have the same ring as “intersectionality”, but it might help to warn us off simplifying accounts of social exclusion.</p> <p>Aporophobia is nevertheless a valuable addition to the social scientist’s conceptual arsenal. Cortina’s work draws welcome attention to a form of prejudice that is too often shunted aside by our identitarian focus on race, gender and sexuality. </p> <p>We might quibble with some inflated claims for the primacy of aporophobia, with the imperfect analysis of its emotional signature, and with the omission of social class from Cortina’s discussion of economic inequality. Her emphasis on the rejection of displaced people within European nations – understandable given the book’s original publication in 2017 when a refugee crisis was convulsing the continent – can also be faulted. Examining public responses to the domestic poor might afford a clearer view of aporophobia than one complicated by displacement and ethnic differences.</p> <p>Despite these reservations, Cortina has written a significant work of social philosophy that deserves close attention in the Anglophone world. Aporophobia is a provocative book that will stimulate discussion, argument and investigation.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-are-the-poor-shunned-the-reasons-are-complicated-194808" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. </em></p>

Caring

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States prepare to defy Scott Morrison’s judgement and shut down this weekend

<div class="post_body_wrapper"> <div class="post_body"> <div class="body_text "> <p>Victoria and NSW could go into lockdown as early as this weekend if the coronavirus pandemic continues to worsen and Scott Morrison’s restrictions do not flatten the curve.</p> <p>With the two states having the highest infection rates in the country, NSW premier Gladys Berejiklian said that she was looking “very closely” at the impact of the Federal Government’s closure of businesses.</p> <p>The NSW premier is prepared to declare a state-wide lockdown by the weekend if infections don’t tail off.</p> <p>“If we don't see things shifting in the numbers because of [the Federal Government's] actions, NSW will have to go ­further,” she said on Thursday. </p> <p>“I'm saying to the community that if we're not convinced we've had a sufficient amount of success, NSW will have to take further action and that's a position I've been clear on from day one.”</p> <p>The state-implemented restrictions could see people confined to their homes and only leaving to get basic necessities.</p> <p>“There's no need to panic,” Ms Berejiklian said. “Supermarkets and essential things will still be available.”</p> <p>Victoria’s Health Minister Jenny Mikakos indicated that the state was looking to implement its own measures to stop the virus from spreading.</p> <p>“Everybody must understand that it is time to make some sacrifices if we are to save lives,” Ms ­Mikakos said. </p> <p>Victoria’s Chief Health Officer Brett Sutton has refused to confirm or deny whether he’d advise Premier Daniel Andrews to put Victoria into lockdown.</p> <p>“The Premier will take that case to National Cabinet and they'll make a call. I think if any of us ­failed the elderly, youth in one suburb or another, in regional Victoria or metro Melbourne, then we all fail ourselves,” he said. </p> <p>As the coronavirus death toll has rose to 13, with three people dying in Victoria overnight, the state is desperate for something to be done. Australia now has more than 2,800 coronavirus cases, with 1,219 in NSW and 520 in Victoria.</p> </div> </div> </div>

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“Gross error in judgement”: Michelle Bridges pleads guilty to drink driving charge

<p>An emotional Michelle Bridges has issued an apology outside of a Sydney court for her “gross error in judgement” after the personal trainer and TV personality was caught drink-driving with a child in the back seat.</p> <p>The 49-year-old blew 0.089 after she after she took part in a random breath test on New South Head Road in Bellevue Hill on Australia Day.</p> <p>Magistrate Allison Hawkins on Tuesday convicted Bridges and handed her a $750 fine, saying the incident was “humiliating” for the former reality TV star.</p> <p>Bridges’ licence was disqualified for three months and she’ll be forced to drive with an alcohol interlock for one year from April 26.</p> <p>Standing out Sydney court, Bridges apologised for her “gross error in judgement”.</p> <p>“I would like to apologise to my family, my friends and my community for this gross error in judgement,” she told reporters.</p> <p>“The consequences of these actions will haunt me forever.</p> <p>“I ask for your forgiveness and I thank you for your support.”</p> <p>It was revealed that Bridges slammed the brakes and changed lanes when approaching the random breath test around 11:30 on January 26.</p> <p>Bridges told police she had used mouthwash five minutes earlier and that she had drunk alcohol the previous night.</p> <p>“Police noted (she) appeared nervous, her hands were shaking and her voice was trembling,” said police facts.</p> <p>After giving a positive alcohol reading, she admitted to drinking a glass of wine and four vodka sodas from 8 pm the night before.</p>

Travel Trouble

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Dad responds to judgemental diners after his toddler’s restaurant tantrum

<p>A dad has posted a photo of his daughter throwing a temper tantrum on his blog to change judgemental attitudes towards parents.</p> <p>Clint Evans, the dad behind <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.byclintedwards.com/" target="_blank">No Idea What I'm Doing: A Daddy Blog</a></strong></span>, and his wife took their kids out to a family dinner, when his toddler had a tantrum.</p> <p>He was forced to take her out of the restaurant to calm her down, but not before receiving judgemental stares from other diners.</p> <p>In a post to Facebook, Evans writes: "She had a meltdown because mum wouldn't let her throw chicken strips. So she screamed, and screamed, and kicked and kicked, and since I was the only one finished with my meal, I had the pleasure of dragging her out of Red Robin."</p> <p>He continues: “I carried her past the bar and everyone stared at me, most of them childless, I assumed. No one with children would give me that straight faced, lip twisted, look that seems to say, ‘If you can't control your kid, then don't go out.’”</p> <p>Evans has something to say about that.</p> <p>“Well... no. I can't control her. Not all the time. Not yet,” he says. “She's two and it's going to take years to teach her how to act appropriately in public, and the only way I am ever going to teach that is to take her out and show her what's right and wrong. By saying no a million times, letting her throw a fit, and telling her no again.”</p> <p>He ended with a plea for people to take a second to rethink their criticism and try to empathise rather than judge.</p> <p>“I get it. Kids are irritating when they are loud in a restaurant. I know. I’m living it. But before you get angry and judgmental, realise that what you are witnessing is not bad parenting, but rather, parents working hard to fix the situation. You are looking at what it takes to turn a child into a person.” </p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/2017/01/superstar-grandmas-picture-book-defying-old-stereotypes/">“Superstar Grandmas” children’s book defying old stereotypes</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/2017/01/the-new-grandparenting-handbook/">The new grandparenting handbook</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/2017/01/hilarious-video-of-grandparents-worrying-about-their-granddaughter/">Hilarious video of grandparents worrying about their granddaughter</a></em></strong></span></p>

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