Search

Is attachment theory actually important for romantic relationships?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/marissa-nivison-1454992">Marissa Nivison</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-calgary-1318">University of Calgary</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sheri-madigan-417151">Sheri Madigan</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-calgary-1318">University of Calgary</a></em></p> <p>There has been a recent surge of attention toward attachment theory: from <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTL2aW9va/">TikTok videos</a> to <a href="https://quiz.attachmentproject.com/">online quizzes</a> that claim to “assess your attachment style.” It’s become a hot topic, especially in the context of romantic relationships, with <a href="https://medium.com/curious/the-theory-that-explains-all-your-failed-relationships-fb2dc2551617">some articles</a> claiming that one person (or partner’s) attachment styles are the reason why relationships fail.</p> <p>As experts in developmental and clinical psychology focusing on attachment theory, we seek to provide an accessible resource to better understand the science of attachment, and what it means for one’s romantic relationships.</p> <h2>What is attachment?</h2> <p>Attachment theory stems from the field of developmental psychology. It is the notion that in the first year of life, the ways in which a parent and caregiver respond to a child’s needs shape a child’s expectation of relationships across their lifespan.</p> <p>In research, attachment has been associated with well-being across the lifespan including: <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S0954579499002035">mental</a> and <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14616734.2018.1541517">physical</a> health, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032671">brain functioning</a> and even <a href="https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document?repid=rep1&type=pdf&doi=092354a82953ac321429f84b00607bcd44ac4c63">romantic relationships</a>.</p> <figure class="align-center "><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/587576/original/file-20240411-16-x97xu0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/587576/original/file-20240411-16-x97xu0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=455&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587576/original/file-20240411-16-x97xu0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=455&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587576/original/file-20240411-16-x97xu0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=455&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587576/original/file-20240411-16-x97xu0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=572&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587576/original/file-20240411-16-x97xu0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=572&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587576/original/file-20240411-16-x97xu0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=572&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" alt="Illustrations of four different attachment styes" /><figcaption><span class="caption">There are two overarching types of attachment: secure and insecure. Types of insecure attachment include disorganized, avoidant and anxious attachment.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure> <h2>How is attachment related to romantic relationships?</h2> <p>Among professionals in the field, there is diversity in perspectives regarding how attachment relates with romantic relationships. As developmental psychologists, we tend to think that attachment is associated with romantic relationships through what we call the “<a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/14616739900134191">internal working model</a>.”</p> <p>In childhood, when a parent is consistent and responsive in tending to their child, the child learns that their parent can be counted on in times of need. These expectations and beliefs about relationships are then internalized as a blueprint, sometimes in popular media referred to as a “<a href="https://medium.com/live-your-life-on-purpose/love-maps-are-a-gamechanger-when-you-have-an-anxious-attachment-style-dc8f219ab0af">love map</a>.” Just like how an architect uses a blueprint to design a building, a child’s attachment to their parents provides a blueprint for understanding how to approach other relationships.</p> <p>Based on this blueprint, people develop expectations of how relationships should work, and how other important people in their life, including partners, should respond to their needs.</p> <p>Sometimes attachment is also described in terms of attachment “styles.” There are two overarching types of attachment: <a href="https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203758045">secure and insecure</a>. Those with a secure attachment style tend to have expectations that their attachment figures (and later, partners) will be responsive, sensitive and caring in times of distress. People with secure “blueprints” find it easier to build new structures (i.e., relationships) with the same design.</p> <p>People with insecure blueprints — such as disorganized, avoidant or anxious attachment styles — may face relationship challenges when their current relationship doesn’t align with their childhood experiences, and may need to renovate their blueprint design together with their partner.</p> <p>Whether you think about attachment as a style or a love map, they both are related to expectations of relationships, which are shaped by past experiences.</p> <p>In research we see that people who had consistent, reliable and sensitive parents are more likely to have more positive relationships — including <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.1997.tb00135.x">friendships</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.13322">teacher-child relationships</a> and yes, <a href="https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document?repid=rep1&type=pdf&doi=092354a82953ac321429f84b00607bcd44ac4c63">romantic relationships too</a>.</p> <h2>Relationships with parents and relationships with partners</h2> <p>Although we do see in research that better childhood relationships are associated with better romantic relationships, there is still a large part of the population who have good relationships with partners, despite their history of lower-quality relationships with their parents.</p> <figure class="align-center "><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/587575/original/file-20240411-16-fn5xgk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/587575/original/file-20240411-16-fn5xgk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=453&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587575/original/file-20240411-16-fn5xgk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=453&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587575/original/file-20240411-16-fn5xgk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=453&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587575/original/file-20240411-16-fn5xgk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=569&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587575/original/file-20240411-16-fn5xgk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=569&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587575/original/file-20240411-16-fn5xgk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=569&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" alt="Illustration of loving parents with a child, and the grown child in a loving relationship" /><figcaption><span class="caption">In research we see that people who had consistent, reliable and sensitive parents are more likely to have more positive relationships.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure> <p>It is possible for romantic relationships to serve as a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.4.2.155">“healing relationship”</a> and improve one’s own internal working model of relationships. Specifically, when a partner is consistently sensitive, responsive and available, a person may begin to adjust their blueprint and develop new expectations from relationships. Attachment theory consistently supports the idea that one’s patterns of attachment <a href="https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ960225">can change</a>.</p> <p>So, all in all, the answer is no: Your relationship with your parents influences but does not <em>determine</em> the quality of your romantic relationships.</p> <h2>Is attachment the reason why my relationships don’t work out?</h2> <p>It is possible that your expectations of a romantic relationship may not align with the expectations of your partner, and may affect the quality of the relationship. For example, sometimes individuals with insecure attachments may withdraw when they are upset, but their partner who has a secure attachment may be upset that their partner is not coming to them for comfort.</p> <p>Thinking through your own attachment history and expectations of relationships may be a great opportunity for self-reflection, but it is important to remember that attachment is only one part of a relationship. Communication, trust and respect, to name a few, are also critically important aspects of a relationship.</p> <h2>Can I improve my attachment expectations?</h2> <p>The short answer: Yes! Improving attachment quality has been one of the cornerstones of attachment theory and research since its conception. Most commonly, attachment is targeted in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0LCPe5CMarYi1NmqNttDcg/videos">childhood through interventions</a>, but also in adulthood through individual therapy, or various forms of couples therapy, such as <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaHms5z-yuM">Emotionally Focused Therapy</a> or the <a href="https://www.gottman.com/about/the-gottman-method/">Gottman Method</a>.</p> <p>It is also possible that through positive relationships you may be able to improve your own expectations of relationships. There are many different avenues to explore, but improvement is always possible.</p> <p>In sum, attachment can be an important factor in romantic relationships, but it is not a “catch-all” to be blamed for why relationships may not work out. Thinking about your own expectations for relationships and talking through those with your partner may do great things in improving the quality of your relationships! <img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/226101/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/marissa-nivison-1454992">Marissa Nivison</a>, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, Department of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-calgary-1318">University of Calgary</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sheri-madigan-417151">Sheri Madigan</a>, Professor, Canada Research Chair in Determinants of Child Development, Owerko Centre at the Alberta Children’s Hospital Research Institute, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-calgary-1318">University of Calgary</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/is-attachment-theory-actually-important-for-romantic-relationships-226101">original article</a>.</em></p>

Relationships

Is Valentine’s Day worth the romantic investment? Here’s what we can learn from economics

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/selma-wather-1510222">Selma Wather</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sussex-1218">University of Sussex</a></em></p> <p>Expressing affection can be expensive. Spending on heart-shaped gifts, romantic cards, chocolates and flowers (other gifts are available) to celebrate Valentine’s Day has reached <a href="https://www.statista.com/statistics/510981/valentines-day-total-spending-great-britain/#:%7E:text=In%20the%20United%20Kingdom%20%28UK%29%20alone%2C%20Valentine%E2%80%99s%20Day,increased%20by%20just%20over%20300%20million%20British%20pounds.">close to £1 billion</a> in the UK.</p> <p>So the value of Valentine’s to retailers seems clear enough. But just how valuable is the annual ritual to consumers? What return can you expect for the money you invest in that bouquet of roses or candle lit meal?</p> <p>Broadly speaking, and depending on your relationship status, buying into Valentine’s Day traditions suggests two possible scenarios. You might be sending a card or gift to a potential partner to inform them of your interest; or you might be giving something to your current partner to remind them of your continuing love.</p> <p>Research suggests that both options have intrinsic economic value.</p> <p>For those seeking to express interest, sending a card is like dipping your toe into what economists might refer to as the “marriage market” – the search for someone you like, who likes what you have to offer in return.</p> <p>This search can happen smoothly, with plenty of information about your potential match, or it can be paved with obstacles, where you may not know much about who is available, and <a href="https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1703310">learning about potential partners</a> takes time.</p> <p>So suppose you are searching for a partner, and comprehensive information about potential matches is not freely available. What do you do?</p> <p>One option might be to put all your hopes into meeting someone on your daily journey to work. You pray that one day, just like in the movies, you will simply bump into “the one”.</p> <p>A second option might be to focus your search on single work colleagues, or people you know socially, and send Valentine’s Day cards to those you are attracted to.</p> <p>The option with the highest chance of success is the second one. You are using reliable information – knowledge of who is single. And sending a card to them can provide them with important information about you – that you’re also single, and that you’re interested. This is why research suggests that sending a Valentine’s Day card can be a <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2938374?origin=crossref">logical investment</a> of time and money.</p> <h2>‘Match quality’</h2> <p>Fast forward five years or so and imagine you are happily married to the recipient of one of those cards. Is it worth repeating the gesture now that you’re settled down together?</p> <p>Economists think of marriages or partnerships as having an inherent “<a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1468-2354.2006.00385.x">match quality</a>”, which reflects how good (or bad) your relationship is – and the likelihood of you breaking up.</p> <p>If match quality falls below the level of happiness you might expect to have if you were to leave, a <a href="https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2759255">separation may well follow</a>. But many studies also show that <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2535409">match quality is malleable</a> – that it can change, for better and indeed for worse, over time.</p> <p>You can invest in trying to improve match quality in various ways. It might be starting a family, sharing hobbies and interests, or gestures such as cooking a special meal or exchanging gifts on the 14th day of February. Improving your match quality <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/228431914_How_Does_the_Change_of_Marriage_Quality_Affect_Divorce_Decisions">directly reduces the probability</a> of a separation.</p> <p>Then there’s the question of commitment – the willingness to stay in a relationship rather than walking away. And again, gestures can make a difference.</p> <p>Imagine you have just started a new job, and your employer asks you to complete an intensive training session in your free time, for a skill that would only be useful for that particular role. If you expect to hold the job for a long period, you might happily invest your time. But if your employer is struggling financially and redundancy is on the cards, you are much less likely to agree to perform the task.</p> <p>Relationships work in a similar way. People are more prepared to invest in things like having children or buying a house together if they expect the relationship to last. Given that commitment is not guaranteed by a marriage certificate, people <a href="https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=950688">need to find other ways</a> to signal their continued devotion.</p> <p>Celebrating Valentine’s Day is one way of making such a signal. It can show faith in your shared commitment, signify that you wish to continue investing in the relationship and improve match quality, further stabilising the partnership.</p> <p>So even if deep down you think that Valentine’s Day has become over commercialised and meaningless, research suggests it makes good economic sense to send that card.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/223128/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/selma-wather-1510222"><em>Selma Wather</em></a><em>, Senior Lecturer in Economics, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sussex-1218">University of Sussex</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/is-valentines-day-worth-the-romantic-investment-heres-what-we-can-learn-from-economics-223128">original article</a>.</em></p>

Money & Banking

"Best proposal ever!" Guy Sebastian crashes romantic moment

<p>Guy Sebastian has surprised one of his biggest fans by crashing her romantic proposal with an intimate performance. </p> <p>The Australian Idol winner was called in to help Nathan, a KIISFM radio listener, propose to his girlfriend Steph, who is a huge Guy Sebastian fan. </p> <p>Nathan called into the <em>Kyle and Jackie O Show</em> and shared his plans to pop the question, and asked the radio hosts if they could help make the proposal extra special. </p> <p>The proposal began with the couple taking a romantic trip on a yacht around Sydney Harbour, as Nathan popped the question and Steph said yes. </p> <p>Unbeknownst to Steph, her day was about to become even more special. </p> <p>Sebastian had been hiding downstairs on the boat, and emerged to surprise the newly engaged couple with an intimate performance of his new song. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/CyxaU_SPy1W/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/CyxaU_SPy1W/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Kyle and Jackie O (@kyleandjackieo)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>“They’ve been together for about six years now,” Guy explained in a video of the moment posted to the KIISFM Instagram page.</p> <p>“Nathan’s been planning this for quite a while and he got in touch with KIIS to see if we could make it extra special for them."</p> <p>“Hopefully Steph will say yes, then I’ll be popping up and singing a stripped-back version of my song <em>I Chose Good</em>.”</p> <p>Steph was shocked and amazed when Guy emerged, as she was seen mouthing "Oh what?!" in surprise. </p> <p>The video of the emotional moment has racked up thousands of views and comments of congratulations for the couple, with Guy's wife Jules even chiming in. </p> <p>“I’m crying 😭 Congrats Nathan & Steph!” she wrote.</p> <p>Others were feeling the same way, as one fan wrote,“That is just priceless! You are such an amazing human, Guy!”</p> <p>“To give someone such a fabulous special occasion that they will treasure forever. You are such a legend!”</p> <p>Another simply added, “Best proposal ever!!!”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Instagram</em></p>

Relationships

“People don’t understand boundaries”: Woman ruins couple’s romantic proposal

<p dir="ltr">A young couple has been left devastated and mortified after their marriage proposal was crashed by an inconsiderate “Karen” on the beach. </p> <p dir="ltr">Zenicca Llanza, a 24-year-old from the Philippines, shared a video of her boyfriend getting down on one knee at the beach and asking her to marry him. </p> <p dir="ltr">Her partner had arranged a romantic set up on the beach, complete with a tent, picnic table, proposal sign, a cake and rose petals. </p> <p dir="ltr">However, when the time came for him to pop the question, a beach goer began to interfere and rearrange the set up, interrupting the romantic moment. </p> <p dir="ltr">In the video posted to TikTok, Zenicca’s partner got down on one knee and began to recite a speech, as the unnamed woman walked into shot. </p> <div><iframe title="tiktok embed" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2Fembed%2Fv2%2F7269928964536192298&display_name=tiktok&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2F%40warngwarng%2Fvideo%2F7269928964536192298&image=https%3A%2F%2Fp16-sign.tiktokcdn-us.com%2Fobj%2Ftos-useast5-p-0068-tx%2F80e87476646048bca323b002688ff427_1692662253%3Fx-expires%3D1692910800%26x-signature%3D2CX7o9uY0RsEB7creGyXnWP8mas%253D&key=5b465a7e134d4f09b4e6901220de11f0&type=text%2Fhtml&schema=tiktok" width="340" height="700" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div> <p dir="ltr">She then moves the proposal sign before walking over to the couple to get a look at the ring, before Zenicca even got a chance to wear it.</p> <p dir="ltr">“How to quickly ruin a proposal,” Zenicca wrote on TikTok.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Please be mindful of other people's once in a lifetime event! You never know you're already ruining it,” she wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr">The video has racked up tens of thousands of views, with many people being outraged on Zenicca’s behalf. </p> <p dir="ltr">“You could excuse the first few seconds w good intentions but the rest I feel like we’re just really bad manners and not having any self awareness,” commented one person. </p> <p dir="ltr">“This made me physically ill. I'm so sorry omg,” added another. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Aw I could tell she had good intentions but was ignorant in the moment that she was slightly ruining something y’all would cherish forever,” commented a third.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Just tell her it’s a personal moment. Sometimes people don’t understand boundaries.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: TikTok</em></p>

Relationships

Johnny Ruffo’s romantic getaway

<p dir="ltr">Johnny Ruffo and his girlfriend Tahnee have delighted fans with a series of stunning pics from their New Zealand getaway.</p> <p dir="ltr">The lovebirds took to Instagram to share multiple snaps from their adventure.</p> <p dir="ltr">Ruffo couldn’t hide his awe as he happily posed in front of a beautiful mountain in Queenstown from the deck of their accommodation.</p> <p dir="ltr">In another photo, the former <em>Home and Away</em> star - who is battling terminal cancer - wowed fans as he proudly shared video footage of the snow-capped mountains from a helicopter.</p> <p dir="ltr">The star was clearly obsessed with the surreal views as he also posted a photo of himself posing by the water with the mountains in the background.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Freezing cold but worth it for these views 🏔️🏔️🏔️,” he captioned the post.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CutKhhFr9VD/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #F4F4F4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CutKhhFr9VD/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Johnny Ruffo (@johnny_ruffo)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p dir="ltr">His girlfriend was as equally giddy about the trip as she posted a photo of herself on the mountains with the caption: “I think I might be a Winter girl at heart 🥶🥹🫶🏼”</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CutK9DFxVmW/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CutK9DFxVmW/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Tahnee Sims (@tahneesims)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p dir="ltr">She also shared a selfie with her beau in matching beanies, and a little clip of them relaxing in the hot tub as they clinked their glasses.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CuwD4uNxMJI/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CuwD4uNxMJI/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Tahnee Sims (@tahneesims)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p dir="ltr">The Home and Away star finally caught a well-deserved break as the pictures shared gave fans a glimpse into the sweet dates the couple went on for their romantic getaway.</p> <p dir="ltr">Friends and followers took to the comments to share their love for the couple.</p> <p dir="ltr">“What an amazing experience lovelies. Hope you’re having a great time 🥰👏🥂🥳😘,” Ruffo’s close friend and former <em>Home and Away</em> co-star Lynne McGranger wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Absolutely loving these pics what an incredible adventure ❤️” wrote one fan.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Johnny, I hope you & Tahnee are having the best time ever, that looks absolutely stunning guys. Much love & happiness to you both,” commented another.</p> <p dir="ltr">“The best place. So beautiful, enjoy that cold air, hot tub and beautiful views,” wrote a third.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Beautiful couple so much love ❤️” commented a fourth.</p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

International Travel

Warnie stars hospitalised after romantic romp goes painfully wrong

<p dir="ltr">The stars of Channel Nine’s <em>Warnie</em> miniseries have quite the emergency room story to share after filming a sex scene for the show hit them for six. </p> <p dir="ltr">Alex Williams and Marny Kennedy - the pair embodying the late Shane Warne and his ex-wife Simone Callahan on screen - were filming in Melbourne late in 2022 when the incident occurred. </p> <p dir="ltr">And while they can see the funny side of it all now, at the time it was a far more embarrassing - and injury-stricken - affair. </p> <p dir="ltr">As Kennedy told <em>The Daily Telegraph</em>, the two had been filming “a little makeout scene” - set back when Shane and Simone were in their younger years - when things took a turn. </p> <p dir="ltr">She detailed how they had been going down a corridor, and “were meant to push into the bedroom and land on the bed”. But, unfortunately for the pair, they didn’t heed the Warne-ing, and instead they “both completely missed the bed. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Alex cracked the back of his head open and I broke my right wrist.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Kennedy shared that they “ended up sitting in the emergency room together”, and that his head was wrapped in a bandage, while her wrist was strapped. </p> <p dir="ltr">To add to their situation, Kennedy said, “it was not like a normal hospital either, it was more of a place for the elderly, so it was just Alex and I with our bleached hair, fully still in wardrobe, sitting there surrounded by elderly residents.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Despite their injuries, and any lingering embarrassment, the co-stars - who had also been friends for a decade at that point - returned to set the very next day to get on with the job. </p> <p dir="ltr">Kennedy didn’t reveal whether or not anyone had taken the opportunity to adorn her cast with a Golden Duck, but that there had been some banter on set in the wake of their accident, with the actress revealing that “we took a photo of ourselves in the emergency room and then printed it onto mugs and that was our wrap [end of filming] gift to a lot of the crew."</p> <p dir="ltr">It is believed that the two-part series will go to air later in June, regardless of <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/entertainment/tv/let-him-rest-in-peace-viewers-slam-shane-warne-miniseries">the public outcry when the trailer first dropped during the 2023 State of Origin series</a>. </p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Screentime</em></p>

10 romantic lines from literature

<p>It’s time to get sentimental with these lines about love from literature’s greatest authors.</p> <p>1. “You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you.” – <em>Persuasion</em> by Jane Austen</p> <p> 2. “To <em>love</em> or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life.” – <em>Les Misérables</em> by Victor Hugo</p> <p>3. “Whatever the souls are made of, his and mine are same.” – <em>Wuthering Heights</em> by Emily Bronte</p> <p>4. “You and I, it’s as though we have been taught to kiss in heaven and sent down to earth together, to see if we know what we were taught.” – <em>Doctor Zhivago</em> by Boris Pasternak</p> <p>5. “When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are to become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No ... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is!" – <em>Captain Corelli's Mandolin</em> by Louis de Bernières</p> <p>6. “I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century, to repeat to you once again my vow of eternal fidelity and everlasting love.” – <em>Love In The Time Of Cholera</em> by Gabriel García Márquez</p> <p>7. “He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.” – <em>Anna Karenina</em> by Leo Tolstoy</p> <p>8. "All this gladness in life, all honest pride in doing my work in the world, all this keen sense of being, I owe to her!" And it doubles the gladness, it makes the pride glow, it sharpens the sense of existence till I hardly know if it is pain or pleasure, to think that I owe it to one - nay, you must, you shall hear" - said he, stepping forwards with stern determination - "to one whom I love, as I do not believe man ever loved woman before." – <em>North and South</em> by Elizabeth Gaskell</p> <p>9. “You know what I am going to say. I love you. What other men may mean when they use that expression, I cannot tell; what I mean is, that I am under the influence of some tremendous attraction which I have resisted in vain, and which overmasters me. You could draw me to fire, you could draw me to water, you could draw me to the gallows, you could draw me to any death, you could draw me to anything I have most avoided, you could draw me to any exposure and disgrace. This and the confusion of my thoughts, so that I am fit for nothing, is what I mean by your being the ruin of me. But if you would return a favourable answer to my offer of myself in marriage, you could draw me to any good - every good - with equal force.” – <em>Our Mutual Friend</em> by Charles Dickens</p> <p>10. “It is better to love wisely, no doubt: but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all.” – <em>Vanity Fair</em> by William Makepeace Thackeray</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Books

Have you found ‘the one’? How mindsets about destiny affect our romantic relationships

<p>If you listen to any number of love songs, dating “experts”, or plunge head first into a romance novel, you’re likely to think it’s in our destiny to find that special someone – your soul-mate.</p> <p>But how do you know if you’ve found “the one”? Will the birds sing? Will you see fireworks or a shooting star?</p> <p>And for those who are yet to find “the one”, should you keep searching, or is it a misguided quest?</p> <p>Research into the science of relationships spanning the last two decades shows maintaining a “<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1207/S15327957PSPR0701_3">destiny</a>” mindset – that we are all <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1207/S15327957PSPR0701_3">meant to find that ideal person</a> who completes us in every way – can be problematic for our love lives.</p> <p>Destiny mindsets affect how we <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1997-38975-006">evaluate romantic partners</a>, as well as how we maintain <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1475-6811.09401">lasting relationships</a>.</p> <p>For some, this mindset can even include a mental picture as to what that person should look like.</p> <h2>What are the costs of a mindset?</h2> <p>A destiny mindset may make a person less open to developing a relationship with someone who possesses many excellent qualities, but does not match an individual’s mental picture of “the one”.</p> <p>A person who holds a destiny mindset may be more likely to focus on the potential faults or inadequacies of another, for example, rather than centre on their good qualities.</p> <p>On the other hand, a person may not pursue a potential love interest in the hope that something better comes along that matches their vision of destiny. By maintaining a destiny mindset, they may reject real <a href="https://scholarship.richmond.edu/honors-theses/487/">opportunities at finding love</a>.</p> <p>For those in an existing relationship, maintaining a destiny mindset can be associated with relationship satisfaction, if the current relationship closely (if not perfectly) matches one’s idea.</p> <p>But if the relationship is not in line with one’s vision of destiny, or if the relationship is evaluated as no longer matching one’s destiny, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167201277004">dissatisfaction can ensue</a>.</p> <p>Research suggests people who hold a destiny mindset don’t work as hard at their <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-32735-009">relationships</a> because they have a very fixed view of their partner and relationship. They tend to accept things the way they are – <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-04109-008">either a relationship is meant to be or it is not</a> – rather than putting in time and effort to make relationships things work and <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-32735-009">deal with relationship problems</a>.</p> <h2>Is there a better alternative?</h2> <p>In contrast to a destiny mindset, some people hold a “growth relationship” mindset. This includes beliefs and expectations that a partner and relationship has the capacity to develop and change over time, and that <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1207/S15327957PSPR0701_3">problems or challenges can be overcome</a>.</p> <p>Research to date suggests a growth mindset is associated with more effective ways of coping with relationship challenges and using more <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-32735-009">problem-solving to deal with relationship difficulties</a>.</p> <p>People with a growth mindset experience various positives such as greater <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1997-38975-006">relationship</a> and <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2016-52940-001.html">sexual satisfaction</a> and have a better, more constructive way of handling <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-32735-009">conflict</a>. A growth mindset has also been found to reduce the risk of <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1475-6811.09401">a relationship ending</a>.</p> <h2>Can you have both?</h2> <p>Some people recount meeting their partner and knowing they were “the one”. But when describing how their relationship has progressed over time, it’s clear they put time and effort into it and work on problems when they arise.</p> <p>These people may hold beliefs about destiny, but overall, hold more of a growth mindset about their relationship.</p> <p>These couples often acknowledge their partner and relationship has changed, for example, and often note that they’ve helped each other develop and grow over time.</p> <p>So if you work hard at your relationship, and you and your partner help one another develop and grow, you may get to know each other so well that you feel as if you share one soul. Maybe that’s what is meant by a true soul-mate.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/have-you-found-the-one-how-mindsets-about-destiny-affect-our-romantic-relationships-117177" target="_blank" rel="noopener">This article originally appeared on Reader's Digest.</a></em></p>

Relationships

The real qualities to look for in love

<p>You know the feeling when you meet someone special – that spark of attraction, the instant passion and the buzzing chemistry? It is an amazing feeling but how do you distinguish between that feeling of attraction and the one of love? It’s one of the trickiest questions around because often what attracts us does not necessarily lead to an enduring relationship. While we all have personal qualities we seek in a life partner, there are a few qualities everyone should seek in a potential partner for life.</p> <p><strong>Honesty</strong></p> <p>Honesty is the key to trust between any two people. Trust builds a strong, healthy and long-lasting relationship. Dishonesty and deception tears relationships apart so seek a partner who is honest, where what they say is what they do. Someone who acts with integrity is someone you know you can rely on.</p> <p><strong>Respectful</strong></p> <p>Even if you have separate interests and opinions (which most couples do), your partner should not only respect it but support it. You want someone who is respectful of your desires and needs even if they do not necessarily agree. A life partner is not someone who tries to control you, your behaviour or your actions. They value and respect you for who you are.</p> <p><strong>Openness </strong></p> <p>When you are in a loving relationships, both people can be completely open and willing to be vulnerable. You should be comfortable with sharing everything with your partner and not be afraid of being judged. Both of you will be open to talking about yourself, the other person and the good (and bad) parts of the relationship.</p> <p><strong>Supportive</strong></p> <p>Your love should be the person who builds you up, not tears you down. They nurture you when you’re at your most vulnerable and support you at your strongest. There is no jealousy, there is no competition and there is no trying to outdo each other. You want the best for one another, always.</p> <p><strong>Affectionate</strong></p> <p>Someone who truly loves you will not be afraid to show you. This doesn’t mean grand romantic gesture or PDA (public displays of affection) – it just means they show you in their personal way how much they love you. They are completely open to giving and receiving affection.</p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

Relationships

10 best couples cruises for a romantic holiday at sea

<p>What could be more romantic than spending a week at sea on a gorgeous ship with your honey, taking in spectacular views while indulging in over-the-top spa treatments and decadent, all-you-can-eat food? On the best cruises for couples, you get to experience so many exciting new sights, sounds and tastes together, you’re likely to fall in love with each other all over again. In fact, cruising is so romantic that thousands of couples actually get married, honeymoon and renew their vows onboard ships annually.</p> <p>here are romantic short cruises, all-inclusive cruises, adults-only cruises and even cruises that sail around the world. So, with all the great options out there, how do you choose the best cruise for the two of you? We’ve come up with a list of the best cruises for every type of traveller – times two! – to ensure you have fun together and don’t end up having to look for singles cruises instead!</p> <h3>Best overall cruise – Viking Cruises</h3> <p>Which company offers the best cruises for couples? Thanks to its small ships, impeccable service and adults-only policy, Viking earns that title, offering amazing cruises for lovebirds of all ages. You’ll feel like you’re at one of the best adults-only, all-inclusive resorts – except that you’ll have stunning views at sea. Every stateroom features its own private veranda, perfect for cosying up and watching the world go by, but don’t miss afternoon tea in the lovely Wintergarden. Whether you’re heading to Hawaii or the Mediterranean, a shore excursion in every port is also included in your fare, and after each one, you’ll want to relax in your robes in the spa’s Scandinavian-inspired thermal suite and talk about everything you experienced.</p> <p>In addition to award-winning ocean cruises, Viking is renowned for its river cruises and recently introduced expedition ships. Now, well-travelled couples can fulfil their bucket list trip to Antarctica knowing their favourite cruise line – like their partner – has their back.</p> <div class="slide-image" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #444444; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"> </div> <h3>Best megaship cruise – Celebrity Cruises</h3> <p>Although Celebrity ships hold thousands of guests, they’re so thoughtfully designed with cosy nooks and corners that they have a surprisingly intimate feel, which is why they may end up being your favourite cruises. That’s especially true for the Edge series ships, the newest in the fleet, which include the recently launched Beyond, a wonder in and of itself. Beyond fully lives up to its name, especially if you upgrade to the Retreat, an exclusive ship within a ship that will make you feel like, well, a celebrity. It includes a beautiful, roomy suite with your own veranda and also grants you access to a private sundeck, lounge and restaurant conducive to more intimate conversations. For the perfect date night, be sure to make a dinner reservation at Le Voyage, the first restaurant at sea from Michelin-starred chef Daniel Boulud, before heading off to a Broadway-quality show.</p> <p>No worries if you’re not on Beyond. Every Celebrity ship is filled with fantastic dining options, and on Edge series ships, you can enjoy dinner alfresco on the Magic Carpet, so seriously, what are you waiting for?</p> <div class="slide-image" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #444444; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"> </div> <h3>Best cruise for getting married or renewing your vows – Princess Cruises</h3> <p>Nicknamed “The Love Boat” in honour of the iconic TV show that was filmed on one of its ships, Princess is all about amore, and it just may be the most romantic cruise line. Embracing that legacy of love, it offers personalised wedding packages for couples who want to tie the knot at sea and recently set a Guinness World Record for the largest multi-location vow renewal. A dating reality show, The Real Love Boat, was also filmed aboard the Regal Princess and debuts in late 2022.</p> <p>But even if you’re not thinking about marriage yet or you’ve been married for years, you’ll want to cuddle under a blanket together to watch Movies Under the Stars or book an Ultimate Balcony Dining experience for a private champagne breakfast for two. Whatever you choose to do, love is in the air!</p> <div class="slide-image" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #444444; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"> </div> <h3>Best traditional cruise – Cunard Line</h3> <p>With ships named after Queen Mary, Queen Elizabeth and Queen Victoria, it’s no wonder couples get the royal treatment on Cunard. The 180-year-old cruise line’s rich history is evident throughout each Art Deco-influenced ship, and there’s a touch of glamour that celebrates the Golden Age of cruising and will inspire you to celebrate each other. Some good cruise advice? Opt for a magical transatlantic cruise to stay on the ship 24/7 and take advantage of everything from enriching lectures to lazy days in the spa’s thermal suite. Pack your formalwear for the Gala Evening that’s a highlight of each cruise, and spend the night dancing cheek to cheek.</p> <div class="slide-image" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #444444; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"> </div> <h3>Best luxury cruise – Seabourn Cruises</h3> <p>With an oceanfront view from every room and all-inclusive fare, Seabourn is worth the splurge for a romantic getaway. Your Personal Suite Steward will attend to your every need, even drawing a Pure Pampering bath for two. You’ll also dine in style, choosing between award-winning venues serving everything from steak and sushi to tableside preparations of caesar salad and ice cream sundaes. In each port, Seabourn categorises its shore excursions into collections, so you can experience a destination the way the two of you want to, whether you’re more into culture, wellness or adventure. The only issue is that you may never want to leave the ship.</p> <div class="slide-image" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #444444; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"> </div> <h3>Best midsize cruise – Holland America Line</h3> <p>Many couples prefer midsize cruises because they offer the intimacy of a small ship with more activities. Holland America is a great choice, featuring lovely spaces like Silk Den Lounge and the Pinnacle Bar, where you can while away a couple of hours enjoying each other’s company with a cool drink in hand. Enjoy live entertainment at B.B. King’s Blues Club, Lincoln Center Stage and Billboard Onboard, and take part in Port to Table food and wine tastings and cooking demonstrations. All these experiences will enrich your cruise and your memories together.</p> <p>FYI, despite its name, Holland offers a wealth of itineraries for couples cruises, covering destinations from Alaska to Zanzibar.</p> <div class="slide-image" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #444444; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"> </div> <h3>Best cruise for younger couples – Virgin Voyages</h3> <p>Richard Branson’s adults-only cruise line is young and hip. An oasis on the ocean, Virgin Voyages are the best cruises for millennial couples, whether you’re heading to the Greek Islands or the Caribbean ones. Every night can be date night, with more than 20 all-included eateries featuring everything from Korean BBQ to veggie-forward dining. Don’t worry – you can work off the calories in a wide variety of unlimited fitness classes, whether you prefer the intensity of indoor cycling or the zen of yoga.</p> <p>Choose the soundtrack to your cruise at Voyage Vinyl, an onboard record store, where you’re likely to find your song. And commemorate your romantic vacation by getting matching tattoos at Squid Ink, the first tattoo shop at sea. Have cruises recovered from COVID? We’d say yes!</p> <div class="slide-image" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #444444; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"> </div> <h3>Best cruise for older couples – Silversea Cruises</h3> <p>You won’t find lots of partiers on a Silversea cruise, but you will find lots of happy couples enjoying the ships’ understated luxury … and each other. It’s impossible not to feel special when you have your own suite with your own personal butler tending to your every need. (And FYI, all Silversea accommodations are suites.) Full dinners can even be served, course by course, in your cabin, white tablecloth and all. And because the all-inclusive pricing features wine, champagne and top-shelf spirits, you’ll find yourselves raising a glass – or two or three – to your love and your wise decision to book this couples cruise.</p> <div class="slide-image" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #444444; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"> </div> <h3>Best cruise for active couples – Royal Caribbean International</h3> <p>Royal Caribbean has always been known for its multitude of options, which have expanded even further with its launch of Wonder of the Seas, the world’s largest cruise ship. It’s like a city in itself, boasting eight unique “neighbourhoods,” including one exclusively for Royal Suite Class guests. There is so much for couples to do throughout the ship’s 18 decks, from walking through the plant-filled Central Park, riding the zip line and trying the FlowRider surf simulator to sipping cocktails at the cantilevered Vue Bar. On many of Royal Caribbean’s other ships, including Harmony of the Seas, you can opt for ice skating and dance lessons.</p> <div class="slide-image" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #444444; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"> </div> <h3>Best budget cruise for couples – Carnival Cruise Lines</h3> <p>Because Carnival has a reputation as a party boat, people often ask, “Is Carnival good for couples?” The answer is yes, and the truth is, with the right partner, any cruise ship can be romantic. Carnival also happens to be fun and value-priced, which comes in handy if you didn’t book a cruise when they’re the cheapest (often, that’s in the off-season, like right after the holidays). Carnival gives you the opportunity to channel your inner child and scream your way down the waterslides, laugh your head off at the R-rated comedy club sets and chill in the Serenity Adult-Only Retreat – all on the same cruise. And, as the saying goes, the couple that plays together stays together.</p> <p>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/travel/10-best-couples-cruises-for-a-romantic-holiday-at-sea" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>.</p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p> <div class="slide-image" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: 0px; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif, Arial; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #444444; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"> </div>

Cruising

How asexuals navigate romantic relationships

<p><a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224490409552235" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Though an estimated 1% of people identify as asexual</a> – a sexual orientation most commonly defined as lacking sexual attraction – asexual people remain relatively invisible and are rarely researched. For these reasons, they’re frequently subjected to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/19419899.2013.774162" target="_blank" rel="noopener">discrimination and stereotyping</a>.</p> <p>For example, it’s often assumed that all people who are asexual are also “aromantic” – that they aren’t interested in being in romantic relationships or aren’t capable of doing so.</p> <p>However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Asexuality exists on a spectrum, and there is a wide range in how the members of this group <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-954X.12362" target="_blank" rel="noopener">experience sexuality and romance</a>.</p> <p><a href="https://www.doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.912978" target="_blank" rel="noopener">In a recently published study</a> that I conducted with several Michigan State faculty members and other research associates, we surveyed people on the asexual spectrum who were currently in romantic relationships. We wanted to learn more about how asexuals experience romantic relationships and bring attention to their experiences – many of which, it turns out, aren’t all that different from those of people who aren’t on the asexual spectrum.</p> <h2>The invisible sexuality</h2> <p>Outside of <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/scientific-contributions/Alexandra-Brozowski-2230892618" target="_blank" rel="noopener">my work as a psychology researcher</a>, I am a member of the asexual community.</p> <p>Specifically, I am a heteroromantic <a href="https://demisexuality.org/articles/what-is-gray-asexuality/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">gray-asexual</a>: I am someone who feels romantic attraction to people of other sexes or genders, but experiences fluctuating or limited sexual attractions.</p> <p>Yet in existing research, I found few examples of people like me. Most studies seem to focus on people who are completely asexual, not in the gray area.</p> <p>In popular media, asexuals rarely even appear at all. <a href="https://www.themiamihurricane.com/2019/10/30/on-asexuality-the-big-bang-theory-and-representation/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">When they do</a>, they’re often portrayed as weird, robotic and incapable of love. In mainstream culture, there’s also an element of denialism, with many people believing that asexuality is impossible – that those who identify as asexual must have something wrong with them, such as hormonal issues. Perhaps they simply “<a href="https://medium.com/@acegirl/being-asexual-does-not-mean-we-havent-found-the-right-person-yet-459eb3938312" target="_blank" rel="noopener">haven’t found the right person</a>” or need to “try harder.”</p> <p>So this study was born out of my experiences as a person on the asexual spectrum, which is why it was so important for me to address all the different asexuals out there and give a voice to my own community.</p> <p>Many asexual people choose to be in relationships; they just may go about the process differently. Some might participate in <a href="https://www.brook.org.uk/your-life/non-monogamous-relationships/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">non-monogamous relationships</a>. Others might be forced to disclose their identities and preferences in different ways, wondering when – if ever – they should open up about it to potential partners, fearing that the reactions could be less than positive and lead to relationship difficulties.</p> <p>However, many asexuals relate to the <a href="https://www.gsrc.princeton.edu/split-attraction#:%7E:text=According%20to%20the%20split%20attraction,the%20same%20for%20some%20people." target="_blank" rel="noopener">Split Attraction Model</a>, which is a theory that shows how romantic and sexual attraction are two distinct experiences, and therefore, one can experience sex without love and love without sex. With this in mind, it is possible for asexuals to identify with a romantic orientation and pursue romantic relationships, since these are different experiences.</p> <h2>Relationships centered on romance</h2> <p>For our study, we looked exactly at this split and surveyed 485 people who self-identified as being on the asexual spectrum and were currently in a romantic relationship.</p> <p>The participants identified as heteroromantic, biromantic, homoromantic, panromantic and more, showing significant diversity among the romantic interests of this group. We then asked them about their relationship satisfaction, their level of investment in the relationship and how they viewed the quality of alternatives to their relationship.</p> <p>Additionally, we explored their <a href="https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/four-attachment-styles/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">attachment orientation</a>. This is defined as the way in which people approach their close relationships. It’s usually formed in childhood and is a pattern that continues into adulthood. People tend to either exhibit an “anxious attachment style,” which is often characterized by feeling worried about abandonment and being anxious about losing the relationship; an “avoidant attachment style,” which means someone may push people away or fear emotional intimacy; or a “secure attachment style,” which is when people feel secure in their emotions and can maintain long-lasting relationships.</p> <p>Ultimately, our results were generally consistent with <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1475-6811.00035" target="_blank" rel="noopener">previous work</a> on relationships in all of their forms. As with those relationships, we found that asexual people who were more satisfied and more invested were more committed in their relationships. When they weren’t pining for other people or didn’t see being alone as a better alternative, their relationships tended to flourish.</p> <p>Attachment orientation patterns were also generally consistent with past research on other sexuality groups. Much like <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2012.01423.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">work done</a> on other relationships, avoidant asexual individuals were also less committed, satisfied and invested in their relationships, as one would expect.</p> <p>However, there were also some inconsistencies with past research. For example, among asexual people, an anxious attachment style actually correlated to higher commitment and satisfaction. The opposite tends to occur in other types of <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4939067/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">relationships.</a></p> <p>Nonetheless, I hope this research will help normalize the idea that asexuals can thrive in romantic relationships. It turns out that asexuals can experience romantic love as much as other sexual orientations do: with the same opportunities for joy and growth, the same challenges of navigating conflict and compromise, and the same possibility of a lifelong commitment.</p> <p><strong>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-asexuals-navigate-romantic-relationships-192685" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.</strong></p> <p><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

Relationships

10 best couples cruises for a romantic holiday at sea

<p><strong>The best cruises for couples you’ll want to book now</strong></p> <p>What could be more romantic than spending a week at sea on a gorgeous ship with your honey, taking in spectacular views while indulging in over-the-top spa treatments and decadent, all-you-can-eat food? On the best cruises for couples, you get to experience so many exciting new sights, sounds and tastes together, you’re likely to fall in love with each other all over again. In fact, cruising is so romantic that thousands of couples actually get married, honeymoon and renew their vows onboard ships annually.</p> <p>There are romantic short cruises, all-inclusive cruises, adults-only cruises and even cruises that sail around the world. So, with all the great options out there, how do you choose the best cruise for the two of you? We’ve come up with a list of the best cruises for every type of traveller – times two! – to ensure you have fun together and don’t end up having to look for singles cruises instead!</p> <p><strong>Best overall cruise – Viking Cruises</strong></p> <p>Which company offers the best cruises for couples? Thanks to its small ships, impeccable service and adults-only policy, Viking earns that title, offering amazing cruises for lovebirds of all ages. You’ll feel like you’re at one of the best adults-only, all-inclusive resorts – except that you’ll have stunning views at sea. Every stateroom features its own private veranda, perfect for cosying up and watching the world go by, but don’t miss afternoon tea in the lovely Wintergarden. Whether you’re heading to Hawaii or the Mediterranean, a shore excursion in every port is also included in your fare, and after each one, you’ll want to relax in your robes in the spa’s Scandinavian-inspired thermal suite and talk about everything you experienced.</p> <p>In addition to award-winning ocean cruises, Viking is renowned for its river cruises and recently introduced expedition ships. Now, well-travelled couples can fulfil their bucket list trip to Antarctica knowing their favourite cruise line – like their partner – has their back.</p> <p><strong>Best megaship cruise – Celebrity Cruises</strong></p> <p>Although Celebrity ships hold thousands of guests, they’re so thoughtfully designed with cosy nooks and corners that they have a surprisingly intimate feel, which is why they may end up being your favourite cruises. That’s especially true for the Edge series ships, the newest in the fleet, which include the recently launched Beyond, a wonder in and of itself. Beyond fully lives up to its name, especially if you upgrade to the Retreat, an exclusive ship within a ship that will make you feel like, well, a celebrity. It includes a beautiful, roomy suite with your own veranda and also grants you access to a private sundeck, lounge and restaurant conducive to more intimate conversations. For the perfect date night, be sure to make a dinner reservation at Le Voyage, the first restaurant at sea from Michelin-starred chef Daniel Boulud, before heading off to a Broadway-quality show.</p> <p>No worries if you’re not on Beyond. Every Celebrity ship is filled with fantastic dining options, and on Edge series ships, you can enjoy dinner alfresco on the Magic Carpet, so seriously, what are you waiting for?</p> <p><strong>Best cruise for getting married or renewing your vows – Princess Cruises</strong></p> <p>Nicknamed “The Love Boat” in honour of the iconic TV show that was filmed on one of its ships, Princess is all about amore, and it just may be the most romantic cruise line. Embracing that legacy of love, it offers personalised wedding packages for couples who want to tie the knot at sea and recently set a Guinness World Record for the largest multi-location vow renewal. A dating reality show, The Real Love Boat, was also filmed aboard the Regal Princess and debuts in late 2022.</p> <p>But even if you’re not thinking about marriage yet or you’ve been married for years, you’ll want to cuddle under a blanket together to watch Movies Under the Stars or book an Ultimate Balcony Dining experience for a private champagne breakfast for two. Whatever you choose to do, love is in the air!</p> <p><strong>Best traditional cruise – Cunard Line</strong></p> <p>With ships named after Queen Mary, Queen Elizabeth and Queen Victoria, it’s no wonder couples get the royal treatment on Cunard. The 180-year-old cruise line’s rich history is evident throughout each Art Deco-influenced ship, and there’s a touch of glamour that celebrates the Golden Age of cruising and will inspire you to celebrate each other. Some good cruise advice? Opt for a magical transatlantic cruise to stay on the ship 24/7 and take advantage of everything from enriching lectures to lazy days in the spa’s thermal suite. Pack your formalwear for the Gala Evening that’s a highlight of each cruise, and spend the night dancing cheek to cheek.</p> <p><strong>Best luxury cruise – Seabourn Cruises</strong></p> <p>With an oceanfront view from every room and all-inclusive fare, Seabourn is worth the splurge for a romantic getaway. Your Personal Suite Steward will attend to your every need, even drawing a Pure Pampering bath for two. You’ll also dine in style, choosing between award-winning venues serving everything from steak and sushi to tableside preparations of caesar salad and ice cream sundaes. In each port, Seabourn categorises its shore excursions into collections, so you can experience a destination the way the two of you want to, whether you’re more into culture, wellness or adventure. The only issue is that you may never want to leave the ship.</p> <p><strong>Best midsize cruise – Holland America Line</strong></p> <p>Many couples prefer midsize cruises because they offer the intimacy of a small ship with more activities. Holland America is a great choice, featuring lovely spaces like Silk Den Lounge and the Pinnacle Bar, where you can while away a couple of hours enjoying each other’s company with a cool drink in hand. Enjoy live entertainment at B.B. King’s Blues Club, Lincoln Center Stage and Billboard Onboard, and take part in Port to Table food and wine tastings and cooking demonstrations. All these experiences will enrich your cruise and your memories together.</p> <p>FYI, despite its name, Holland offers a wealth of itineraries for couples cruises, covering destinations from Alaska to Zanzibar.</p> <p><strong>Best cruise for younger couples – Virgin Voyages</strong></p> <p>Richard Branson’s adults-only cruise line is young and hip. An oasis on the ocean, Virgin Voyages are the best cruises for millennial couples, whether you’re heading to the Greek Islands or the Caribbean ones. Every night can be date night, with more than 20 all-included eateries featuring everything from Korean BBQ to veggie-forward dining. Don’t worry – you can work off the calories in a wide variety of unlimited fitness classes, whether you prefer the intensity of indoor cycling or the zen of yoga.</p> <p>Choose the soundtrack to your cruise at Voyage Vinyl, an onboard record store, where you’re likely to find your song. And commemorate your romantic vacation by getting matching tattoos at Squid Ink, the first tattoo shop at sea. Have cruises recovered from COVID? We’d say yes!</p> <p><strong>Best cruise for older couples – Silversea Cruises</strong></p> <p>You won’t find lots of partiers on a Silversea cruise, but you will find lots of happy couples enjoying the ships’ understated luxury … and each other. It’s impossible not to feel special when you have your own suite with your own personal butler tending to your every need. (And FYI, all Silversea accommodations are suites.) Full dinners can even be served, course by course, in your cabin, white tablecloth and all. And because the all-inclusive pricing features wine, champagne and top-shelf spirits, you’ll find yourselves raising a glass – or two or three – to your love and your wise decision to book this couples cruise.</p> <p><strong>Best cruise for active couples – Royal Caribbean International</strong></p> <p>Royal Caribbean has always been known for its multitude of options, which have expanded even further with its launch of Wonder of the Seas, the world’s largest cruise ship. It’s like a city in itself, boasting eight unique “neighbourhoods,” including one exclusively for Royal Suite Class guests. There is so much for couples to do throughout the ship’s 18 decks, from walking through the plant-filled Central Park, riding the zip line and trying the FlowRider surf simulator to sipping cocktails at the cantilevered Vue Bar. On many of Royal Caribbean’s other ships, including Harmony of the Seas, you can opt for ice skating and dance lessons.</p> <p><strong>Best budget cruise for couples – Carnival Cruise Lines</strong></p> <p>Because Carnival has a reputation as a party boat, people often ask, “Is Carnival good for couples?” The answer is yes, and the truth is, with the right partner, any cruise ship can be romantic. Carnival also happens to be fun and value-priced, which comes in handy if you didn’t book a cruise when they’re the cheapest (often, that’s in the off-season, like right after the holidays). Carnival gives you the opportunity to channel your inner child and scream your way down the waterslides, laugh your head off at the R-rated comedy club sets and chill in the Serenity Adult-Only Retreat – all on the same cruise. And, as the saying goes, the couple that plays together stays together.</p> <p><em><span id="docs-internal-guid-fc48160a-7fff-9275-fc39-f83a022c1a92">Written by Lois Alter Mark. This article first appeared in <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/travel/10-best-couples-cruises-for-a-romantic-holiday-at-sea" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader’s Digest</a>. For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, <a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&utm_medium=articles&utm_campaign=RDSUB&keycode=WRA87V" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here’s our best subscription offer.</a></span></em></p> <p><em>Image: Getty Images</em></p>

Cruising

The best way to ask someone on a date

<p>It seems Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan were onto something in their 1998 rom-com <em>You’ve Got Mail.</em></p> <p>Sending an email is more romantic than calling when asking someone on a date, according to a study from Indiana University.</p> <p>The findings, published in the journal Computers in Human Behaviour, probably comes as no surprise considering just how technologically-reliant society has become.</p> <p>“Email’s been in the popular consciousness since the 1990s and if you look at the new generation of millennials … they’ve grown up with email and text messaging, so it may not be as unnatural a medium as we at first thought,” co-author Alan Dennis told Phys.org.</p> <p>Conventional wisdom has it that emails or texting are poor forms of communicating emotion, that a call is a more intimate way to connect, but this new research suggests otherwise.</p> <p>"When writing romantic emails, senders consciously or subconsciously added more positive content to their messages, perhaps to compensate for the medium's inability to convey vocal tone," the researchers wrote in their paper</p> <p>Researchers found when writing emails, people took more time to choose their words to ensure that it conveyed what they wanted it too.</p> <p>"The bottom line is that email is much better when you want to convey some information that you want someone to think about,” Dennis said.</p> <p>Dennis added their findings run counter to the commonly held belief that the further we get from face-to-face communication, the less genuine and effective it becomes.</p> <p>"There's a lot of theory that says email and other text communications don't really work very well," he said. "We should probably go back and reconsider a lot of the stereotypical assumptions that we hold about email and text messaging that may not hold true when we take a deeper look at how people react physiologically."</p> <p>While their research finds email may be the best choice to convey feelings, Dennis says there is clearly still a place for face-to-face meetings, phone calls, and other forms of direct communication.</p> <p>“If something isn’t really clear and you want to make sure that everyone has the same understanding of what something means, that’s best done in phone calls, face-to-face meetings or video conferencing,” he said.</p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

Relationships

"Kids are quick": Romantic proposal takes wild turn

<p dir="ltr">What was meant to be a beautiful proposal took a turn for the worst when the engagement ring plunged right through the jetty cracks and into the ocean below.</p> <p dir="ltr">Luke was down on one knee ready to propose to his pregnant girlfriend Stephanie on the Hervey Bay jetty while two-year-old Harper Jane watched on.</p> <p dir="ltr">But before they saw what was happening, Harper Jane quickly grabbed the engagement ring from the box and it slipped out of her hands.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Kids are quick, much quicker than you think - I didn’t actually realise she had grabbed it,” Luke said in a TikTok.</p> <p dir="ltr">Luke called out Harper Jane's name before immediately throwing off his thongs and taking his phone and wallet out of his pocket, ready to jump into the water.</p> <div class="embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; outline: none !important;"><iframe class="embedly-embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: initial; vertical-align: baseline; width: 619px; max-width: 100%; outline: none !important;" title="tiktok embed" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2Fembed%2Fv2%2F7141170167098117402&display_name=tiktok&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2F%40alarcon_sinverguenza%2Fvideo%2F7141170167098117402%3Fis_from_webapp%3D1%26sender_device%3Dpc%26web_id%3D7070374670839465473&key=59e3ae3acaa649a5a98672932445e203&type=text%2Fhtml&schema=tiktok" width="340" height="700" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div> <p> </p> <p dir="ltr" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #323338; font-family: Roboto, Rubik, 'Noto Kufi Arabic', 'Noto Sans JP', sans-serif; background-color: #ffffff; outline: none !important;">Blindsided in the moment, his friend called out that he couldn’t jump because it was too shallow causing him to change his landing mid way through which left him with an earache.</p> <p dir="ltr">But Luke was on a mission to find the ring and was excited when he heard Stephanie’s dad call out to say that he could see it.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I can see it! Stop there, by your right hand,” he could be heard calling out.</p> <p dir="ltr">Thanks to the crystal clear waters of Hervey Bay, Luke was able to find the ring quickly and get back to shore.</p> <p dir="ltr">The ring eventually ended up on Stephanie’s finger, with the couple then revealing that Luke also wanted to ask Harper if he could be her step-dad.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I’m committing to them both so I felt like both of them should be present,” he said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“It’s just funny. Even if we had lost (the ring), there would have been humour in it - just sadness, too.</p> <p dir="ltr">“That will go down in the history books for us.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: TikTok</em></p>

Relationships

These are the world’s most romantic destinations

<p><strong>Berlin</strong></p> <p>While Berlin may not sound like the most romantic spot in the world, the city definitely has the charm to reel couples in. From the gorgeous Tiergarten (which includes an urban park, cafés, and a garden) to the grounds of Charlottenbeurg Palace, a twosome can easily get lost in their surroundings (and one another!) while on holiday here.</p> <p>Another popular draw for couples, particularly newly-married ones? The Weidendammer Bridge, where couples over the years have engraved their names and wedding date on a padlock, shackled it to the wrought iron railings, and then thrown the key into the Spree river, as a symbol of their everlasting love.</p> <p><strong>Paris</strong></p> <p>Including this iconic structure in this list is a no-brainer; Paris is known as the ‘City of Love’, after all! There is a never-ending parade of romantic things to do in France’s capital city: lunch at a romantic café in Montmartre, taking a stroll through the Luxembourg Gardens, visiting Le mur des je t’aime (The Wall of I Love You) on which those three magic words are written in over 250 different languages… </p> <p>But the most popular, and some may say the most cliché, is a visit to the Eiffel Tower. Not only for the breathtaking views of Paris that it offers from the third level observatory, but also to take the requisite couple’s kissing photo at its base.</p> <p><strong>Ireland</strong></p> <p>Amidst the lush greens and the moody skies, historic castles pepper Ireland’s landscape. While an inn atop a pub in Dublin may be the go-to accommodation, we suggest making the trek outside the city for a romantic and incomparable stay in one of the country’s many castles and manors. Many are hundreds of years old, but still successfully manage to marry the charms of the past with more modern amenities within.</p> <p>Some of the more well-known castles include Adare Manor in Limerick and Dromoland Castle in Newmarket-on-Fergus, but there are plenty to choose from and some may even offer free pick-up and drop-off in cities like Cork and Dublin.</p> <p><strong>Big Sur, California</strong></p> <p>Nearly 400km away from the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles lies Big Sur, a tranquil area where the Pacific Ocean and the Santa Lucia Mountains come together. It’s certainly a nature lover’s paradise, but even if you’re not fans of ‘roughing it’, you can’t help but be drawn into the awesome beauty of the region, particularly at night when it is covered by a blanket of stars. The many oceanside resorts don’t hurt either, if you’re simply a fan of viewing the mountains from the comfort of your room.</p> <p>There are various state parks that are worth the visit, as well as beaches, in particular the virtually untouched Pfeiffer Beach. Other points of interest include the historic Point Sur Lighthouse, and we also suggest a scenic drive along Highway 1 to take in the majesty of the Big Sur shoreline.</p> <p><strong>Verona, Italy</strong></p> <p>Thanks to the tragic tale of Romeo and Juliet from William Shakespeare’s most famous oeuvre, the city of Verona, Italy has become a pilgrimage site for couples eager to learn more about the fabled couple and the city they called home. Of course, the historic city’s structure and architecture alone make it a romantic site for couples, what with its many churches and piazzas, but it’s the Romeo and Juliet Guided Tour of Verona that exemplifies the city’s romantic spirit.</p> <p>It takes you to all of the locales mentioned in the play, from Romeo’s supposed house to Juliet’s tomb, ending the sojourn with a visit to Juliet’s balcony. You probably won’t be the first tourist to start uttering “O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?” to your significant other while there.</p> <p><strong>Amsterdam</strong></p> <p>While Amsterdam may have a certain reputation for being a party city due to its lax marijuana laws and well-known red light district, it’s not just a city for the young and rowdy. If you’re looking for quaint and romantic stay, it can be the ideal choice.</p> <p>After all, it’s an idyllic city full of culture and history, and a quiet boat ride along the city’s famous (and historic) canals within the Canal Belt is a popular activity among couples. It’s particularly beautiful at night, as bridges light up alongside the canals, offering an altogether different way of seeing the city.</p> <p><strong>Seychelles Islands</strong></p> <p>It doesn’t get more secluded than a private island in the middle of the Indian Ocean. It’s any couple’s dream come true to get away for some private time, and with a blue sky above and an even more blue ocean below, the Seychelles are definitely a paradise come to life. There’s also no shortage of luxury resorts and hotels throughout the archipelago.</p> <p>Of course, it’s not all private rooms and beaches all to yourselves. For some human interaction, visit Victoria, Seychelles’ capital city, which is great for exploring on foot or by bike, and for taking in some gorgeous views of the local scenery.</p> <p><strong>New York City</strong></p> <p>New York City is known by many to be one of the most romantic cities in the world. Holding hands as you skate the rink at Rockefeller Plaza in winter, taking a stroll through Central Park in summer, or taking in the breathtaking skyline atop the Empire State Building… There is no shortage of places in Manhattan made for lovers.</p> <p>However, likely the perfect way to end a romantic date is a stroll across the iconic Brooklyn Bridge, particularly at nightfall, when the sun begins to set over the East River.</p> <p><strong>Montreal</strong></p> <p>Montreal brings some European flair to North America and also make for the perfect place for a romantic getaway. In particular, Mount Royal Park (designed by Frederick Law Olmsted, who is renowned for his work on Central Park) is the perfect playground for couples at any time of year, whether it’s lacing up your skates on Beaver Lake underneath the stars in winter, or enjoying a picnic alongside it in summer.</p> <p>But whatever time of year you visit, stopping at the Kondiaronk lookout is a must, for you’ll get lost in the view of Montreal before you.</p> <p><strong>Bruges, Belgium</strong></p> <p>When a city is commonly referred to as the ‘Venice of the North’, you can’t help but assume it has the potential to offer quite the romantic escape. The quaint and picturesque city of Bruges (in Belgium) is ideal for a day spent à deux.</p> <p>Aside from walking, a lovely way to take it all in is with a horse-drawn carriage tour of historic Bruges through the cobblestone streets and past the gorgeous canals, breathing in the sites, the people and the splendid architecture. Cap off your day by ducking into in a quiet pub for food and some wine, before taking a leisurely walk back to your hotel.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/travel/these-are-the-worlds-most-romantic-destinations" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. </em></p>

Travel Tips

The most romantic films ever made

<p>The great romance films make you laugh when sparks fly, weep endlessly when tragedy strikes and swoon in delight when the boy and girl finally gets together. These films are the greatest romance films ever made guaranteed to make even the steeliest of hearts flutter. Why not re-live some of the classic moments that have defined romance with us?</p> <p><em><strong>Casablanca (1942)</strong></em></p> <p>"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine..."</p> <p>Humphrey Bogart’s face when he sees Ingrid Bergman walk into his joint says it all. Set in Morocco during WWII, the American expatriate encounters a former lover resulting in a heart-wrenching tale of love and sacrifice. The airport send-off scene had people talking for years debating whether Bogey did the right thing?</p> <p><em><strong>An Affair to Remember (1957)</strong></em></p> <p>“Oh, it's nobody's fault but my own! I was looking up... it was the nearest thing to heaven! You were there...”</p> <p>After Carey Grant and Deborah Kerr have an affair on a cruise they promise to meet atop the Empire State Building in six months. Fate has other plans and our hearts bawled in agony. Even if melodramatic at times, it’s the film that forever made the New York Empire State Building a symbol of love.</p> <p><em><strong>West Side Story (1961)</strong></em></p> <p>“I love him, I'm his, and everything he is I am too. I have a love, and it's all that I need. Right or wrong, and he needs me too.”</p> <p>From the beginning, we have deep sense of doom that street kid Richard Beymer and angelic Natalie Wood love will end in tragedy making the musical tale of two star-crossed lovers from rival gangs all the more poignant.</p> <p><em><strong>When Harry Met Sally (1989)</strong></em></p> <p>“I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”</p> <p>The rom-com genre at its best - the film follows the 12 year love-hate relationship between two friends, Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan, until they finally realise they love each other! This charming film may be the most realistic depiction of love.</p> <p><em><strong>Love Actually (2003)</strong></em></p> <p>“If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love is all around…”</p> <p>There are so many different entwining tales of love to love here - from Colin Firth’s poorly pronounced proposal in Portuguese, the devastated widow Liam Neeson helping his lovesick stepson make a grand romantic gesture to Keira Knightley’s carol-singing placards. The Christmas theme just adds to the magical feeling – love really does make the world go round!</p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

Movies

Touching video commemorates 70 years of marriage for couple in their 90s

<p>The granddaughter of a couple in their 90s celebrating their 70-year wedding anniversary has shared a heartwarming video of them renewing their vows.</p> <p>The video of the elderly couple has captured the hearts of thousands of viewers, who watched their everlasting love story reach a bittersweet end.</p> <p>Patricia Hoefling, now 97, and her husband John Hoefling, from Carlisle, Pennsylvania, originally met in the 1940s and enjoyed a life of happiness together.</p> <p>John, who fought in Vietnam and Korea, and Patricia, a retired teacher, remained devoted to each other, so they celebrated their platinum anniversary with a vow renewal.</p> <p>The couple's granddaughter Shelby Hoefling, aged 31, from Virginia, shared her grandparent's heartfelt love story in a TikTok video that has gone viral.</p> <p>In the video Shelby explains that her 'Nanny' and 'GrandJack' first married on April 12th, 1947, and added that it would be their 75-year anniversary on the day she posted the video.</p> <p>Shelby shared footage from Patricia and John's 70-year wedding anniversary, which showed the couple renewing their vows.</p> <blockquote class="tiktok-embed" style="max-width: 605px; min-width: 325px;" cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@shelbyhoefling/video/7085700046897057070" data-video-id="7085700046897057070"> <section><a title="@shelbyhoefling" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@shelbyhoefling" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@shelbyhoefling</a> Happy anniversary to my role models ❤️ <a title="fyp" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/fyp" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#fyp</a> <a title="lovestory" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/lovestory" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#lovestory</a> <a title="love" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/love" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#love</a> <a title="♬ original sound - Shelby Hoefling" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/original-sound-7085700047467481902" target="_blank" rel="noopener">♬ original sound - Shelby Hoefling</a></section> </blockquote> <p>When the couple arrived at the ceremony family and friends greeted them with smiles while bagpipes played in the background. Patricia said on stage “Here's to us, my love.”</p> <p>Shelby then revealed that her grandparents were married a total of 72 years before her grandfather John died at the age of 92.</p> <p>In the popular video Shelby wished her “role models” a happy 75-year anniversary and said her “Nanny doesn't go a day without loving him just as she vowed she would love him all the days of her life.''</p>

Relationships

How to get PAID to get married

<p dir="ltr">Couples hoping to tie the knot can now get paid almost $3000 to get married in Italy.</p> <p dir="ltr">The tourism board for one of Italy’s most popular regions Lazio – which includes Rome – has launched a fund giving people the chance to have their dream destination wedding there.</p> <p dir="ltr">Italy is a popular choice for couples looking to get married abroad, but the sector has been hit hard by the pandemic.</p> <p dir="ltr">The ‘In Lazio with Love’ scheme aims to bring weddings back to the country by enticing people with a free €2000 ($A2940) to spend on their Big Day.</p> <p dir="ltr">Nicola Zingaretti, president of Lazio, said the scheme was a way of revitalising the crippled wedding industry.</p> <p dir="ltr">“The scheme is needed to support a sector that has suffered badly from the economic crisis,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“We have put the significant investment in place also with an eye on the tourism sector, and with the awareness and pride of being able to boast about every part of our region, with many locations among the most magical and fascinating in the world thanks to an unparalleled cultural heritage.”</p> <p dir="ltr">According to local media, 9000 couples have wed in Lazio since the start of the pandemic, compared to more than 15,000 in 2019.</p> <p dir="ltr">To bring weddings back to the region, almost $15 million has been set aside to help fund ceremonies, and both locals and tourists can apply.</p> <p dir="ltr">Valentina Corrado, Lazio’s tourism councillor, said the industry was ready to restart after a devastating two years.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Let’s relaunch a sector that has been on hold for a long time,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“The whole wedding chain has suffered economically during the last two years.”</p> <p dir="ltr">To qualify for the grant, couples must get married anywhere in the Lazio region – which includes Rome, Viterbo, Tivoli, Latina and Bracciano.</p> <p dir="ltr">The money must be spent on Lazio-based wedding services, such as planners, venues, catering, and photographers.</p> <p><span id="docs-internal-guid-496c19ef-7fff-9a20-a1be-d953547ac366"></span></p> <p dir="ltr">Applications can be <a href="https://www.regione.lazio.it/nellazioconamore">made here</a>, up to the end of January 2023, or until the fund runs out. </p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

Travel Tips

From Love Actually to Christmas On The Farm: how rom-coms became a festive season staple

<p>It is a visual language with which we are almost all familiar. It’s cold and snowing outside, but inside, next to a crackling fire, it’s warm and cosy. The tree is a deep green, festooned with fairy lights, glinting off the wrapping of the presents below. There is hot chocolate and sugar cookies and eggnog and candy canes, and the only things that can be heard are carols and the joyous laughter of our nearest and dearest.</p> <p>This image of Christmas is, of course, vastly different to what we usually experience in Australia – extreme heat, seafood platters, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCNvZqpa-7Q">white wine in the sun</a> – but it is still one with which we are very familiar. It’s present in all our retail settings, with their fake snow and holly and Santas sweating in their suits.</p> <p>And of course, it’s all over our media, in the increasingly ubiquitous Christmas romantic comedy film.</p> <p><a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/436574/original/file-20211209-138695-5pacow.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=8%2C17%2C5982%2C3970&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/436574/original/file-20211209-138695-5pacow.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=8%2C17%2C5982%2C3970&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" alt="" /></a> <span class="caption">In The Knight Before Christmas (2019), a medieval knight is transported to the present day, where he falls for a high school science teacher who’s lost her belief in love.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Brooke Palmer/ Netflix</span></span></p> <h2>Counting down to Christmas</h2> <p>Christmas movies have a long history, dating back to the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc3ei1tseeM">1898 short film Santa Claus</a>, but the Christmas rom-com really hit its stride in the 21st century.</p> <p>Love Actually (2003), an ensemble film featuring multiple intertwined stories, is perhaps the best-known example. However, in terms of sheer quantity, it is difficult to look past the company that has made Christmas their core business: Hallmark.</p> <p><a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/437057/original/file-20211212-17-9ikar9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/437057/original/file-20211212-17-9ikar9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" alt="" /></a> <span class="caption">Love Actually (2003) is one of the most popular examples of the Christmas rom-com.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">IMDB</span></span></p> <p>Since 2009, the Hallmark Channel have run a seasonal block of programming called Countdown to Christmas, central to which are their Hallmark Christmas movies. Countdown to Christmas has become increasingly extravagant: <a href="https://www.tasteofhome.com/article/hallmark-christmas-movies-2021/">in 2021</a>, it began on October 22, and will feature a total of forty new movies, along with a (very) large number from previous years.</p> <p>While Hallmark Christmas movies have been a cultural touchstone for many years in North America, that hasn’t been the case to the same extent in Australia, because we haven’t had widespread access to the flood of programming.</p> <p><a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/437059/original/file-20211212-23-16hf6i3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/437059/original/file-20211212-23-16hf6i3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" alt="" /></a> <span class="caption">In Write Before Christmas (2020), a Hallmark Channel original movie, recently single Jessica sends Christmas cards to five people that have impacted her life. As each person receives Jessica’s card, they are sparked to act in their own lives to make them better.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Hallmark</span></span></p> <p>However, the advent and popularity of Netflix’s Hallmark-style Christmas movies, beginning with A Christmas Prince and Christmas Inheritance in 2017, have led to a growing familiarity and engagement with the Christmas romance genre from local audiences.</p> <p>As a result, after many years with <a href="https://theconversation.com/a-very-aussie-christmas-70647">a dearth of local Christmas programming</a>, Stan released A Sunburnt Christmas last year, their first Australian Christmas original film. This year, they have another original Australian Christmas offering in rom-com <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_oEqfyLpMQ">Christmas on the Farm</a>, which premiered on December 1.</p> <p><iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/r_oEqfyLpMQ?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p> <p>Christmas on the Farm is missing a key ingredient of the Hallmark Christmas romance: snow (in the Hallmark universe, the characters <a href="https://www.vox.com/culture/2017/12/14/16752012/hallmark-christmas-movies-explained">“can’t be waiting for the snow, there has to <em>be</em> snow”</a>). However, it boasts a screenwriter with Hallmark credentials in Jennifer Notas Shapiro, and draws on plenty of other tropes of the Christmas rom-com.</p> <h2>What makes a Christmas rom-com?</h2> <p>Hallmark has a reputation for conservatism, and we cannot fail to note that for many years, their movies featured exclusively <a href="https://thewalrus.ca/the-unwatchable-whiteness-of-holiday-movies/">straight, white, middle-class characters</a> <a href="https://www.vulture.com/2021/11/gac-family-christmas-movies-cable-tv.html?utm_campaign=nym&utm_medium=s1&utm_source=tw">falling in love</a> (although they are slowly beginning to diversity their casts).</p> <p>It is perhaps surprising, then, that Christmas rom-coms do not tend to be particularly religious. Instead, <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-makes-christmas-movies-so-popular-127972">as S Brent Rodriguez-Plate argues</a>, there’s a more secular reason for the season underpinning these films – “the power of family, true love, the meaning of home or the reconciliation of relationships”.</p> <p>Christmas rom-coms thus have a particular aesthetic (snow, mistletoe, ugly-but-snuggly jumpers), and a particular set of core values: family, community, selflessness, kindness, love. They’re rarely overtly supernatural, but the Christmas setting often gives rise to a little bit of “Christmas magic” or a “Christmas miracle”, which pushes our protagonists towards embracing these values.</p> <p>As a result, there are some very common plots, settings, and themes in the Christmas rom-com.</p> <p><a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/437069/original/file-20211212-23-d89k1x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/437069/original/file-20211212-23-d89k1x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" alt="" /></a> <span class="caption">In Happiest Season (2020), Abby, a lesbian, plans to propose to her girlfriend, Harper, in front of Harper’s family members. But she is in for a shock when she learns that Harper is yet to come out to her parents.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Netflix</span></span></p> <p><strong>Home for the holidays</strong></p> <p>This plot is Hallmark’s bread and butter. One of our protagonists – usually the heroine – returns home for the holidays. This is often against her will: she’s usually a city-dwelling career woman, leaving behind a similarly career-driven boyfriend.</p> <p>But going home for Christmas reveals to her that although she might be successful, she hasn’t been happy. With the help of family and/or community and almost always a handsome hometown hunk (usually dressed in flannel), she learns to slow down and embrace what really matters to her.</p> <p><a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/437060/original/file-20211212-13-i6giq0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/437060/original/file-20211212-13-i6giq0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" alt="" /></a> <span class="caption">Time For Them To Come Home For Christmas (2021). During the holidays, a woman with amnesia catches a ride with her handsome nurse to investigate the only clue to her identity.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">IMDB.</span></span></p> <p><strong>Small towns</strong></p> <p>Our heroine is almost exclusively returning home to a small town, often with a Christmassy name and one or more struggling local businesses – a bakery, an inn, a Christmas tree farm.</p> <p>She must learn that work does not bring her joy, and that she needs to slow down and take stock. However, she nearly always finds herself using her corporate skills to re-energise and revive these businesses. For films which make it clear that we should not dream of labour, a surprising amount of attention is paid to stimulating the economy of small towns.</p> <p><strong>Christmas kingdoms</strong></p> <p>If our heroine is not going home for the holidays, she might find herself in a small, ambiguously European and unambiguously Christmassy kingdom. There, she’ll have a run-in with some local royalty, with whom she’ll swiftly fall in love.</p> <p><a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/437055/original/file-20211212-13-ln91xn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/437055/original/file-20211212-13-ln91xn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" alt="" /></a> <span class="caption">In A Christmas Prince (2017), a young journalist is sent abroad to go undercover to get the scoop on a playboy prince who is destined to be king, all in the lead up to Christmas.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Netflix</span></span></p> <p>Netflix has leaned into this plot extensively in their Christmas rom-coms – it’s the foundation of both the Christmas Prince (2017-19) and Princess Switch (2018-21) trilogies.</p> <p><strong>No Grinches allowed</strong></p> <p>This is arguably the defining characteristic of Christmas rom-coms: they are sincere. Any cynicism towards the season is swiftly quashed. It is only by embracing the genre’s key values that the happy ending of the rom-com can be reached. Our protagonists must fall in love not only with each other, but also with Christmas.</p> <p><strong>A happy ending</strong></p> <p>Christmas rom-coms always end happily, with our central couple in love and everyone having a very merry Christmas. There is a familiar pattern to them - one does not watch these films to be surprised.</p> <p>Like many of the trappings of Christmas, watching these movies is a holiday ritual for many people, as comforting as putting on a Christmas jumper. They’re films to snuggle into, secure in the notion that for now, all’s right in the world.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/171819/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><span><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jodi-mcalister-135765">Jodi McAlister</a>, Lecturer in Writing, Literature and Culture, <em><a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a></em></span></p> <p>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/from-love-actually-to-christmas-on-the-farm-how-rom-coms-became-a-festive-season-staple-171819">original article</a>.</p> <p><em>Image: Netflix</em></p>

Movies

Bridgerton offers clever relationship advice — why friendship is the foundation of happy romantic partnerships

<p><em>This story contains spoilers for Bridgerton</em></p> <hr /> <p>The first season of <a href="https://www.netflix.com/au/title/80232398">Bridgerton</a>, Netflix’s new hit show based on Julia Quinn’s <a href="https://juliaquinn.com/series/bridgertons/">novels</a>, premiered on December 25 last year.</p> <p>The show is set in London, during the debutante season of 1813. It starts with Miss Daphne, the eldest daughter of the Bridgerton family, being presented to the court in preparation for the social season of marriage arrangements.</p> <p>As the story develops, filled with secrets and scandals, the young lady seeks to understand what marriage and love is all about. Her mother, Lady Violet, offers this advice:</p> <blockquote> <p>My dear, why ever do you complicate matters so? You must simply marry the man who feels like your dearest friend.</p> </blockquote> <p>As a psychology researcher who studies romantic relationships, I think this touches on an idea well supported by research evidence: friendship is the foundation of happy romantic partnerships.</p> <p><strong>The importance of friendship</strong></p> <p>American psychologist Robert Sternberg originally <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1986-21992-001">theorised</a> love is composed of three elements: passion, intimacy and commitment.</p> <p>But these elements do not comprehensively describe the complexity of romantic relationships. Researchers have long sought to include other elements such as <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/1468199031000099424">partner compatibility</a>, <a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&lr=&id=xRCAAAAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA3&dq=info:Vuqqrl6AGiIJ:scholar.google.com&ots=AsvwXKnRxG&sig=5oKQDpBgdR9niPa-_HzeGsU2Lwc&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false">emotional connection</a>, <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-33681-007">accessibility</a>, <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-33681-007">responsiveness</a>, <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-33681-007">engagement</a>, <a href="https://ps.psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/ps.40.5.540">acceptance</a>, the ability to communicate and reveal thoughts and feelings (called “<a href="https://guilfordjournals.com/doi/pdf/10.1521/jscp.23.6.857.54803">self-disclosure</a>”), <a href="https://europepmc.org/article/med/7220710">independence</a> and <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1994-01471-001">conflict resolution</a>.</p> <p>What’s more, although it’s <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167203262847">well established</a> physical attraction and earning potential will influence how people select partners, <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-3514.51.6.1167">similarity</a> and <a href="https://academic.oup.com/abm/article-abstract/41/1/131/4569550">familiarity</a> are more important for relationships long-term.</p> <p>Over time, similarities such as values, political attitudes, and religiosity become more relevant and <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16958707/">are likely to lead</a> to greater happiness and relationship satisfaction.</p> <p>All of these are qualities you’d also find in a good friend.</p> <p>Indeed marriage researcher and psychologist John Gottman argues friendship is the foundation of happy romantic partnerships and the most important predictor of maintaining good relationships long-term.</p> <p>In his book, <a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&lr=&id=HB43DwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PT10&dq=seven+principle+of+making+marriage+work&ots=yJ-Bw-nIbt&sig=J0SDLtQIz2NefIqsRrCXOTysWG0#v=onepage&q=%E2%80%9Cknow%20each%20other%20intimately%20%5Band%5D%20are%20well%20versed%20in%20each%20other%E2%80%99s%20likes%2C%20dislikes%2C%20personality%20quirks%2C%20hopes%2C%20and%20dreams&f=false">The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work</a>, Gottman explains couples have a better chance of success if they “know each other intimately — they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams”.</p> <p><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/378168/original/file-20210111-21-hvpfqa.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" alt="Daphne Bridgerton and her mother Lady Violet Bridgerton" /> <span class="caption">Lady Violet (right) has sound advice for her daughter Daphne: ‘You must simply marry the man who feels like your dearest friend’.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">LIAM DANIEL/NETFLIX</span></span></p> <p>The relationship advice and support provided by Lady Violet was a significant contributor to Daphne’s decision to marry Simon, the Duke of Hastings.</p> <p>The Duke explains that at first, love was out of the question, but in removing it, they found friendship, which is a far greater feat. He put it simply:</p> <blockquote> <p>To meet a beautiful woman is one thing, but to meet your best friend in the most beautiful of women is something entirely apart.</p> </blockquote> <p><strong>Barriers to finding (and keeping) love)</strong></p> <p>On the other hand, the show demonstrates how people’s beliefs, attitudes and behaviours can potentially sabotage their chances in love. One reason why so many couples struggle to navigate conflict in their relationships is because people are often intrinsically motivated to protect themselves rather than be vulnerable.</p> <p>The Duke of Hastings is a good example. In an attempt to protect himself from the hurtful memories of his childhood and relationship with his father, the Duke closed himself off to relationships and love.</p> <p>Unfortunately, this is all too common. In my recent <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039?needAccess=true">study</a>, published in July 2020, I surveyed 696 people and uncovered countless examples of people who describe being afraid and believing they’re not worthy of love.</p> <p>Here are some of them:</p> <blockquote> <p>“I am always afraid it is not going to work out or I am going to get hurt, but I know that me trying to maintain a distance like that is one of the reasons my relationships always fail”</p> <p>“I fear not being accepted for who I am”</p> <p>“My own beliefs that I am maybe not good enough, or worthy of such affection, make it difficult to maintain relationships”</p> <p>“I am not good enough for my partner and one day they will realise that and leave.”</p> </blockquote> <p>These beliefs influence how people perceive quality and stress in relationships, and can mean people prevent themselves from forming and maintaining successful relationships.</p> <p><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/378171/original/file-20210111-19-p5jwn2.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" alt="Sad woman lying on bed facing away from her partner" /> <em><span class="caption">Many of us are afraid to be vulnerable, and shut ourselves off to potential chances at love.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></em></p> <p><strong>Overcoming the trials of relationships</strong></p> <p>Unlike “happily ever after” tales, Bridgerton follows the couple into a story of conflict when navigating the expectations of marriage.</p> <p>The trust between the couple seemed to have been broken beyond repair after Daphne discovered Simon had been lying to her about his inability to have children. But a foundation of friendship remained. And it was this foundation that helped them overcome their issues.</p> <p>In my research, I <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039?needAccess=true">found</a> participants were able to overcome issues in their relationships by focusing on trust, communication, commitment, safety and acceptance. They noted these as important elements when managing conflict and relationship expectations.</p> <p>Maintaining a healthy relationship long-term requires partners to know, trust and be vulnerable with one another, while also engaging in open communication and collaboration towards the common goal of working on their relationship. Altogether, these elements also describe meaningful friendships.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/152953/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><span><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/raquel-peel-368041">Raquel Peel</a>, Lecturer, <em><a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-southern-queensland-1069">University of Southern Queensland</a></em></span></p> <p>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/bridgerton-offers-clever-relationship-advice-why-friendship-is-the-foundation-of-happy-romantic-partnerships-152953">original article</a>.</p>

Relationships

Our Partners

Over 60

News

Shop

Catalogues

Newspaper

Contests

Entertainment

Travel

Health

Lifestyle

Finance

Property

Compare

Games

Information

Keep up to date

Search

Is attachment theory actually important for romantic relationships?

Is Valentine’s Day worth the romantic investment? Here’s what we can learn from economics

"Best proposal ever!" Guy Sebastian crashes romantic moment