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What is a relationship ‘boundary’? And how do I have the boundary conversation with my partner?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/raquel-peel-368041">Raquel Peel</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a></em></p> <p>Text messages showing actor Jonah Hill asking his ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady to consider a dot point list of relationship “boundaries” have sparked an important conversation.</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">Jonah Hill’s ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady accuses him of emotional abuse.</p> <p>🔗: <a href="https://t.co/LwSnkpnehT">https://t.co/LwSnkpnehT</a> <a href="https://t.co/3B6I86uwNV">pic.twitter.com/3B6I86uwNV</a></p> <p>— Pop Crave (@PopCrave) <a href="https://twitter.com/PopCrave/status/1677755077249859586?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 8, 2023</a></p></blockquote> <p>Two different interpretations of these texts are dominating the discussion.</p> <p>Some have understood Hill’s dot points as a reasonable set of relationship expectations or “preferences” for a partner. Others see Hill’s list of relationship deal-breakers as a controlling behaviour.</p> <p>So what is a relationship “boundary” and how do you have this conversation with your partner?</p> <h2>What are relationship boundaries?</h2> <p>Boundaries are personal and influenced by one’s values. They can be emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual and cultural.</p> <p>The purpose of creating, understanding and respecting boundaries is to ensure one’s mental health and well-being are protected. Used well, they can keep relationships healthy and safe.</p> <p>Setting boundaries can also reinforce values and priorities important to you.</p> <h2>Some ‘boundaries’ are controlling and go too far</h2> <p>That said, relationship boundaries can become unsafe for the people involved. Some cross the line into coercive control.</p> <p>For instance, one might be able to justify to themselves they need to know where their partner is at all times, monitor their communications and keep tabs on their partner’s friendships because they just want to keep their partner safe.</p> <p>But these are not boundaries; this is coercive control.</p> <p>If your partner is describing these as their relationship boundaries, you should feel comfortable to say you are not OK with it. You should also feel comfortable explaining what boundaries you need to set for yourself and your relationship to feel safe.</p> <p>In fact, <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01639625.2017.1304801">research</a> has found that even cyberstalking offenders might struggle to acknowledge how their behaviour can be perceived as intrusive by their partner. They may also have trouble understanding how it contributed to their break-up.</p> <p>My research on how people can sabotage their own relationships revealed a <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s40359-021-00644-0#Tab1">lack of relationship skills</a> is often a key factor in relationship issues.</p> <p>The same <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-relationships-research/article/abs/defining-romantic-selfsabotage-a-thematic-analysis-of-interviews-with-practising-psychologists/35531B41927851905281C7D815FE4199">research</a> highlighted how people who fear their relationship is at risk can end up indulging in controlling behaviours such as partner monitoring, tracking how a partner spends their money and emotional manipulation.</p> <p>In other words, people can sometimes employ unhealthy behaviours with the intention of keeping their partner but end up pushing them away.</p> <h2>Understanding partner and relationship expectations</h2> <p>We might have a vision in mind of an “<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-3514.91.4.662">ideal partner</a>”. But it’s highly improbable one person can ever meet such high standards.</p> <p>Rigid partner and relationship standards, just like unreasonable boundaries, can cause distress, hopelessness and resentment.</p> <p>So healthy romantic relationships need clear communication and negotiation. Sometimes, that involves being flexible and open to hearing what the other person has to say about your proposed boundaries.</p> <p>Relationship boundaries are a life skill that needs constant learning, practice and improvement.</p> <h2>Having a conversation about healthy relationship boundaries</h2> <p>Some mistakenly believe having any relationship boundaries at all is unreasonable or a form of abuse. That’s not the case.</p> <p>In my <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">research</a> on relationship sabotage, many people spoke about how being able to clearly communicate and set relationship expectations has helped them maintain their relationships over the long term and dispel <a href="https://scholarworks.uni.edu/facpub/1397/">unrealistic</a> standards.</p> <p>Communicating expectations can also help people deal with common relationship fears, such as getting hurt, being rejected and feeling disrespected.</p> <p>But for an important conversation about boundaries to take place, you first need the environment for an open, honest and trusting discussion.</p> <p>Partners should feel they can talk freely and without fear about what they are comfortable with in a relationship. And, be able to discuss how they feel about a boundary their partner has proposed.</p> <h2>Clarify and discuss</h2> <p>If you’re having the boundary conversation with your partner, clarify what you mean by your boundary request and how it might work in practice. Examples can help. Understanding the nuances can help your partner decide if your boundary request is reasonable or unreasonable for them.</p> <p>Second, negotiate which boundaries are hard and which are soft. This will involve flexibility and care, so you’re not undermining your or your partner’s, freedom, mental health and wellbeing. A hard boundary is non-negotiable and can determine the fate of the relationship. A soft boundary can be modified, as long as all parties agree.</p> <p>What constitutes a healthy boundary is different for each individual and each relationship.</p> <p>Regardless, it is a conversation best had in person, not by text message (which can easily be taken out of context and misunderstood). If you really must have the discussion over text, be specific and clarify.</p> <p>Before setting boundaries, seek insight into what you want for yourself and your relationship and communicate with your partner openly and honestly. If you’re fearful about how they’ll react to the discussion, that’s an issue.</p> <p>An open and honest approach can foster a productive collaboration that can strengthen relationship commitment.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/209856/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/raquel-peel-368041">Raquel Peel</a>, Adjunct Senior Lecturer, University of Southern Queensland and Senior Lecturer, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-a-relationship-boundary-and-how-do-i-have-the-boundary-conversation-with-my-partner-209856">original article</a>.</em></p>

Relationships

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Essential money conversations retirees should have with family

<p>Discussions about funding retirement, aged care and inheritances may be uncomfortable. However, not having them risks your wishes going unmet and family conflicts where details aren’t clear. </p> <p>Hence having discussions about money while you are able to is one of the best (and cheapest!) investments you can make – for both you and your family.</p> <p>Precisely what those discussions entail will depend on your circumstances – and theirs. Yet many points apply almost universally:</p> <p><strong>What matters to you</strong></p> <p>Even the best laid plans mean nothing if those responsible for enacting them don’t know what they are or understand your reasoning behind them.</p> <p>Your will provides a legal overview of who gets what upon your death, while nominated beneficiaries determine how assets are divided from superannuation and some other structures.</p> <p>A separate letter of wishes can informally share your wishes, covering more than just legalities. Sharing this before your death allows family to clarify your wishes and ask questions. </p> <p><em>Go through:</em></p> <ul> <li>How your money should be managed now and longer term (e.g., you may want money set aside for grandchildren’s education, or have instructions for a dependent’s ongoing care).</li> <li>Funeral arrangements; cremation or burial; where you will be laid to rest.</li> <li>Plans for anyone other than direct family, charities etc.</li> <li>Any non-negotiables among your wishes.</li> </ul> <p><strong>Partner protections</strong></p> <p>Ensure your partner knows how they will be looked after if they outlive you. Similarly, your kids should know what if any support they will need to provide – especially important for blended families. </p> <p>Where beneficiaries have divorced/separated, will you exclude their ex from your estate? Are your records updated to reflect this?</p> <p>Ensure everyone knows the difference between joint tenants and tenants in common for property owners – only one automatically leaves your share of the property to your co-owner. </p> <p><strong>Health matters</strong></p> <p>How do you want to be looked after in your final years? Don’t assume your loved ones already know everything.</p> <p>Communicate your wishes, small and large – medications, dietary requirements, retirement living, palliative care, resuscitation.</p> <p>Discuss whether power of attorney and enduring guardianship are needed should you be unable to make decisions over your health and finances (e.g., due to dementia or stroke), and who will assume those responsibilities.</p> <p><strong>Family legacy</strong></p> <p>Consider the legacy you want to leave and whether this aligns with your family’s expectations.</p> <p>Is dividing assets equally among your children really fair if one is well-off while another struggles or has complex needs? </p> <p>Do your plans on inheritance unwittingly create headaches for the recipients – such as leaving property to someone who cannot afford to maintain it, or tax liabilities that eat into any financial gain?</p> <p>Discuss non-financial legacy too: do your offspring know about your (and hence their) heritage? Are there special family mementos/stories to pass on? This knowledge may be lost if you don’t share it now.</p> <p><strong>Place to call home</strong></p> <p>Given their financial, logistical, and emotional implications, living arrangements are crucial to discuss before things need to change (and change can be imposed suddenly, such as by a health emergency). </p> <p><em>Consider:</em></p> <ul> <li>Where would you want to go if you need high-level care?</li> <li>Is your current home suitable in your advanced years? How would any required modifications be paid for?</li> <li>Would you move nearer your kids? Downsize, upsize or sea/treechange?</li> <li>If you move, would you need to sell your current home? Could it be retained somehow?</li> <li>Do you want/expect kids to care for you? Are they capable of doing so? </li> <li>Could/would you live with one of your children? If so – such as paying to build a granny flat on their property – how does this affect your will? Would they be forced to sell so their siblings receive their inheritance?</li> </ul> <p><strong>Team united</strong></p> <p>Having everyone on the same page helps things to run smoothly – especially during difficult times such as a death or serious illness in the family.</p> <p><em>Stay aligned by:</em></p> <ul> <li>Introducing adult children to your financial adviser, lawyer, and accountant.</li> <li>Ensuring everyone knows where to find your will and who is your executor.</li> <li>Disclosing what is and is not up to date.</li> <li>Providing contingency access to passwords, important documents, keys etc.</li> <li>Sharing relevant policy details (e.g., life insurance).</li> </ul> <p>These discussions may be sensitive and difficult to initiate, but are crucial to ensure your wishes are known and enacted. Plus, they may encourage your loved ones to think about their own wishes – and give you all peace of mind for the future!</p> <p><strong><em>Helen Baker is a licensed Australian financial adviser and author of the new book, On Your Own Two Feet: The Essential Guide to Financial Independence for all Women (Ventura Press, $32.99). Helen is among the 1% of financial planners who hold a master’s degree in the field. Proceeds from book sales are donated to charities supporting disadvantaged women and children. Find out more at <a href="http://www.onyourowntwofeet.com.au">www.onyourowntwofeet.com.au</a></em></strong></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images  </em></p>

Retirement Income

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Conversation starters for solo travellers

<p>We all know of stranger danger but when you’re a solo traveller the ability to talk to strangers (safely, though) is one of the most important skills to have under your belt. Chatting with strangers will not only add to your travel experience but it might even lead to life-long friendships. Here are a few conversation starters to keep up your sleeve.</p> <p><em>A note on safety</em>: Don’t be afraid to tell people you are a solo traveller. People are often more keen to chat and talk to those travelling alone, however it’s important to exercise caution. Look for clues to see if the person can be trusted and stay in public places.</p> <p><strong>When eating out, sit at a communal table or at the bar.</strong> Chat to people sitting next to you. If they are a local, you can ask them about the restaurant and any local recommendations. If they are a fellow traveller, ask them where they’re from and how their trip is going.</p> <p><strong>Ask someone to take your photo.</strong> Be mindful of the fact there are some scammers targeting tourist destinations to steal cameras so use your judgement but this is an easy and natural way to strike up a conversation. A family or a group of tourist can usually be trusted and counted on to take your Start with the sight you’re getting photographed.</p> <p><strong>Comment on a tourist destination.</strong> If you’re wandering around a museum/gallery/popular site, keep a look out for other solo travellers. Keep it simple and introduce yourself, following up questions about how their enjoying where you both are. Be aware that not everyone wants to chat but most solo travellers have an open mind and want to meet new people.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

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Don’t let financial shame be your ruin: open conversations can help ease the burden of personal debt

<p>Nearly <a href="https://www.ipsos.com/en-nz/19th-ipsos-new-zealand-issues-monitor">two-thirds of New Zealanders</a> are worried about the cost of living, and a quarter are worried about <a href="https://www.canstar.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Consumer-Pulse-Report-NZ-2023-Final-4.pdf">putting food on the table</a>. But the <a href="https://visionwest.org.nz/food-hardship-part-one/">shame</a> that can come with financial stress is preventing some people from seeking help. </p> <p>According to a recent survey, a third of New Zealanders were not completely truthful with their family or partners about the state of their finances, and 12% <a href="https://www.stuff.co.nz/business/money/129477493/financial-infidelity-research-finds-kiwis-hiding-debts-from-their-partners">actively hid their debt</a>. This shame and worry about money can spill over into <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/bay-of-plenty-times/news/concerns-buy-now-pay-later-schemes-could-fuel-addiction-as-kiwis-spend-17b-last-year/VOV3VIDIG2MZBGJEGPMLGWDMJI/">addiction</a>, <a href="https://www.newsroom.co.nz/i-had-serious-concussion-bad-credit-and-15000-debt-abuse-survivor">violence</a> and <a href="https://corporate.dukehealth.org/news/financial-strains-significantly-raise-risk-suicide-attempts">suicide</a>. </p> <p>Considering the effect of financial stress on our wellbeing, it is clear we need to overcome the financial stigma that prevents us from getting help. We also <a href="https://www.apa.org/topics/money/family-financial-strain">owe it to our kids</a> to break the taboo around money by communicating our worries and educating them on how to manage finances better. </p> <h2>The burden of growing debt</h2> <p><a href="https://www.stuff.co.nz/business/money/300817697/mortgage-pain-homeowners-facing-repayment-hikes-of-up-to-900-a-fortnight">Ballooning mortgage repayments</a> are compounding the financial distress of many New Zealanders. At the beginning of 2023, an estimated 11.9% of home owners were behind on loan payments, with more than <a href="https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/business/485045/data-shows-430-000-new-zealanders-behind-in-credit-repayments-in-january">18,400 mortgagees in arrears</a>. </p> <div data-id="17"> </div> <p>Given the <a href="https://www.treasury.govt.nz/publications/an/an-21-01-html">majority of household wealth</a> in New Zealand is in property, our financial vulnerability is closely linked to the ebbs and flows of the <a href="https://content.knightfrank.com/research/84/documents/en/global-house-price-index-q2-2021-8422.pdf">second most overinflated property market</a> in the world. </p> <p>There are also cultural reasons for growing financial distress. Many households have taken on significant debt to “<a href="https://www.stuff.co.nz/business/7616361/Keeping-up-with-the-Joneses">keep up with the Joneses</a>” and to pursue the quintessential <a href="https://www.interest.co.nz/property/99890/westpac-commissioned-survey-suggests-many-new-zealanders-still-pine-quarter-acre">quarter-acre dream</a>. Social comparison and peer pressure act as powerful levers contributing to problem debt and over-indebtedness. </p> <p>The average household debt in New Zealand is more than <a href="https://tradingeconomics.com/new-zealand/households-debt-to-income">170% of gross household income</a>. That is higher than the United Kingdom (133%), Australia (113%) or Ireland (96%).</p> <h2>The rise of problem debt</h2> <p>And we are digging a deeper hole. Over the past year, <a href="https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/business/485045/data-shows-430-000-new-zealanders-behind-in-credit-repayments-in-january">demand for credit cards increased by 21.7%</a>. The use of personal debt such as personal loans and deferred payment schemes <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/business/demand-for-personal-credit-rises-arrears-also-up-as-cost-of-living-bites/YCEM74CII5FQBPJXO3UOG4Y3GY/">is also climbing</a>. There is a real risk this debt could become problem debt. </p> <p>Problem debt can have severe and wide-reaching consequences, including <a href="https://theconversation.com/over-300-000-new-zealanders-owe-more-than-they-own-is-this-a-problem-173497">housing insecurity</a>, <a href="http://www.socialinclusion.ie/publications/documents/2011_03_07_FinancialExclusionPublication.pdf">financial exclusion</a> (the inability to access debt at affordable interest rates), <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07409710.2012.652016?journalCode=gfof20">poor food choices</a> and a plethora of <a href="https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1471-2458-14-489">health problems</a>. </p> <p>Yet, the hidden <a href="https://spssi.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/sipr.12074">psychological</a> and <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11205-008-9286-8">social cost of financial distress</a>remains often unspoken, overlooked and underestimated.</p> <p>Even before the pandemic, <a href="https://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/BU1909/S00616/research-shows-financial-stress-impacts-mental-wellbeing.htm">69% of New Zealanders were worried</a>about money. The share of people worrying about their financial situation was higher for women (74%), and particularly women aged 18-34 (82%). It is no coincidence that the latter are particularly at risk of problem debt through so-called <a href="https://acfr.aut.ac.nz/__data/assets/pdf_file/0008/691577/Gilbert-and-Scott-Study-2-Draft-v10Sept2022.pdf">“buy now, pay later” schemes</a>. </p> <p>The stigma of financial distress extends beyond the vulnerable and the marginalised in our society. A growing number of <a href="https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/political/467417/middle-income-families-hoping-for-help-in-budget-as-rising-costs-sting">middle-class New Zealanders </a> are quietly suffering financial distress, isolated by financial stigma and the taboos around discussing money. When pressed, one in two New Zealanders would rather <a href="https://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/BU2203/S00384/research-shows-wed-rather-talk-about-politics-than-our-finances.htm">talk politics over money</a>. </p> <h2>Time to talk about money</h2> <p>Navigating financial distress and <a href="https://digitalcommons.law.seattleu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2526&context=sulr">stigma</a> can feel overwhelming. Where money is a taboo subject, it may feel safer to withdraw, maintain false appearances, be secretive or shun social support. </p> <p>This tendency to avoid open discussions and suffer in silence can lead to <a href="https://loneliness.org.nz/lonely/at-home/financially-struggling/">feelings of isolation</a> and contribute to <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-financial-stress-can-affect-your-mental-health-and-5-things-that-can-help-201557">poor mental health</a>, such as depression, anxiety and emotional distress. </p> <p>Sadly, the trauma of living in financial distress can also <a href="http://irep.ntu.ac.uk/id/eprint/39442/1/1307565_Wakefield.pdf">break up families</a>. Losing the symbols of hard-gained success and facing the prospect of a reduced lifestyle can be tough. It often triggers feelings of personal failure and self doubt that deter us from taking proactive steps to talk openly and seek help. </p> <p>But what can families do to alleviate some of this distress?</p> <h2>Seek help</h2> <p>First, understand that <a href="https://www.ft.com/content/86767aac-98e0-4dae-8c5a-d3301b030703">you are not alone</a>. Over 300,000 New Zealanders <a href="https://theconversation.com/over-300-000-new-zealanders-owe-more-than-they-own-is-this-a-problem-173497">owe more than they earn</a>.</p> <p>Second, seek help. There are many services that help people work through their financial situation and formulate a plan. In the case of excessive debts, debt consolidation or <a href="https://goodshepherd.org.nz/debtsolve/">debt solution loans</a> may help reduce the overall burden and simplify your financial situation. </p> <p>For those struggling with increasing interest on their mortgages, reaching out to your bank early is critical. During the 2008 recession, banks in New Zealand <a href="https://www.beehive.govt.nz/release/banks-exchange-letters-crown-support-distressed-mortgage-borrowers">worked with customers</a> to avoid defaulting on mortgages, including reducing servicing costs, capitalising interest and moving households to interest-only loans. It is essential to understand that the <a href="https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/homed/real-estate/130677426/are-we-on-the-brink-of-a-wave-of-mortgagee-sales">banks do not want mortgagees to fail</a>, and that options exist.</p> <p>To help future generations avoid debt traps, we need open communication about money – also known as “<a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10834-020-09736-2">financial socialisation</a>”. This includes developing values, sharing knowledge and promoting behaviours that help build <a href="https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1241099.pdf">financial viability and contribute to financial wellbeing</a>. </p> <p>The lessons about handling money from family and friends are crucial for <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.02162/full">improving our children’s financial capability</a>, helping them be <a href="https://www.fsc.org.nz/it-starts-with-action-theme/growing-financially-resilient-kids">more financially resilient</a> and better able to survive the stresses we are experiencing now – and those <a href="https://www.stuff.co.nz/business/money/300836616/heres-how-much-household-costs-are-expected-to-increase">yet to come</a>.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/dont-let-financial-shame-be-your-ruin-open-conversations-can-help-ease-the-burden-of-personal-debt-202496" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. </em></p>

Retirement Income

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How nurses are changing the conversation around medicinal cannabis

<p dir="ltr">For many years, those with chronic conditions and ailments have had limited options for pain-relieving treatments, with varying opioids and anti-inflammatories the usual go-to for relief.</p> <p dir="ltr">However, in recent years the use of medicinal cannabis in Australia has <a href="https://www1.racgp.org.au/newsgp/clinical/research-shows-medicinal-cannabis-boom-in-australi">increased</a> exponentially, giving patients a new lease on life. </p> <p dir="ltr">While more people are turning to this natural source of treatment, accessing medicinal cannabis is still not easy. </p> <p dir="ltr">This accessibility issue has prompted the Australian Nursing and Midwifery Federation (ANMF), which has more than 310,000 members, and NSW and QLD nurse associations to lobby for medicinal cannabis education to be introduced into the curriculum for all schools of nursing and midwifery in Australia, so they can administer in hospitals. </p> <p dir="ltr">For former Queensland nurse Lucy Haslam, the accessibility and affordability is a cause close to her heart, as she saw first-hand how medicinal cannabis helped her son, Dan, during his battle with stage 4 bowel cancer. </p> <p dir="ltr">For me personally, medicinal cannabis is a topic I have been interested in for years. As a patient with a chronic condition with very limited treatment options, the accessibility hurdle is one I have long been fighting to jump over. </p> <p dir="ltr">However, to long-term pain patients like myself, this new initiative by the ANMF is bringing newfound hope that accessibility and affordability is at the forefront of the medicinal cannabis conversation. </p> <p dir="ltr">Australian Natural Therapeutic Group (ANTG) Chief Scientific Officer Justin Sinclair said this will be a game-changer for patients, as nurses are on the frontline of care with close relationships with patients.</p> <p dir="ltr">This comes as new <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/illicit-use-of-drugs/australias-attitudes-and-perceptions-towards-drugs/contents/about">data</a> from the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare shows almost half the population support legalising cannabis, given its recent boom in success for treating patients with both physical and mental conditions. </p> <p dir="ltr">According to Justin Sinclair, medicinal cannabis is being used to treat a variety of conditions with outstanding results. </p> <p dir="ltr">He told <em>OverSixty</em>, “According to data from the Therapeutic Goods Administration, the main clinical indication that medicinal cannabis is being used for in Australia is chronic pain, with over 115,000 prescriptions being issued to date.” </p> <p dir="ltr">“That being said, there are a wide range of other clinical indications that Australian patients are also using medicinal cannabis for, and includes examples such as anxiety, sleep disorders, migraine, fibromyalgia, epilepsy, palliative care, multiple sclerosis and cancer pain and symptom management.”</p> <p dir="ltr">For many patients with a chronic condition, overuse of traditional pain-relievers can lead to more complex health issues, which can, in some circumstances, make medicinal cannabis a safer long-term solution. </p> <p dir="ltr">When it comes to the difference between medicinal cannabis and traditional pain-relievers, Dr Joel Wren, who is the President of the Society of Cannabis Clinicians Australian Chapter (SCCAC), believes medicinal cannabis is a superior option. </p> <p dir="ltr">He told <em>OverSixty</em>, “The significant differences of medicinal cannabis compared to other treatments is twofold; firstly it can be a multi-target medicine helping not only with pain, but possibly also sleep and anxiety all at the same time.” </p> <p dir="ltr">“The second difference is the variability; cannabis contains hundreds of botanical compounds which may contribute to the therapeutic benefits in different ways. Another huge difference is safety - there have been NO lethal overdoses on record that have ever been attributed 100% to cannabis.”</p> <p dir="ltr">As the ANMF and the Australian Medicinal Cannabis Association (AMCA) continue to campaign for wider distribution of medicinal cannabis, along with making the drug more affordable for those in need, Dr Joel Wren told <em>OverSixty</em> that patients should talk to their doctor about trialling medicinal cannabis through the current pathways. </p> <p dir="ltr">He said, “Australian patients need to speak with their doctor about possibly getting a prescription for medicinal cannabis. There has to be a clear medical reason, and conventional therapies and medications must be trialled first. If the doctor is confident, they can prescribe or alternatively they may refer to another doctor who can.”</p> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Body

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Holy renovation: unique church conversion wows viewers

<p>A true one-of-a-kind church conversion is now for sale in the bright inner-Melbourne suburb of Fitzroy. The asking price sits between $5.7 million to $6.2 million.</p> <p>Situated in the heart of the cosmopolitan locale, just minutes away from some of Melbourne's most desirable bars, restaurants and cafes, this property is a unique offering.</p> <p>Part of a boutique living complex that utilises the structure and the grounds of a gorgeous bluestone church, the residence spans multiple levels.</p> <p>Boasting three bedrooms, three bathrooms, one off-street parking space on title and a total footprint of 443-square-metres, space, this property is a once in a life time find.</p> <p>Occupying the entire top floor of the church and benefitting from stunning beamed, vaulted ceilings and stained glass windows, the living, dining and kitchen area is minimalistic, tasteful and bright.</p> <p>However, best of all is that one entire side of the church's tiled roof has been replaced with large glass panels, creating a mesmerising window feature that soaks up and bathes the space in natural light.</p> <p>Walking through an aperture in the creative window display leads occupants to an expansive outdoor timber deck that provides sweeping views across rooftops toward Melbourne's CBD.</p> <p>While the architecturally designed space is unquestionably the abode's crowning glory, it doesn’t stop there with the rest of the stylish pad ensconced in solid wood panelling throughout.</p> <p>Other benefits include a generous master suite that occupies the entire first floor, an elevated loft and plenty of storage space.</p> <p><em>Images: Domain</em></p>

Real Estate

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Poh Ling Yeow reveals awkward conversation with Prince Charles

<p dir="ltr">Appearing on the Channel 10 reality show<span> </span><em>I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!,<span> </span></em>MasterChef favourite Poh Ling Yeow shared a story of an awkward meeting she had with Prince Charles at a dinner party.</p> <p dir="ltr">The 49-year-old chef and TV personality revealed she attended a dinner party where the Duke and Duchess of Cornwall were also in attendance, and she found herself discussing architecture with the heir to the British throne when the topic took a strange turn.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I got sat next to him, so I made sure I knew what he likes, I know he likes architecture so we mainly bantered about that. But then out of the blue, I decide to use the word ‘dag’, and he goes, ‘Oh, what does that mean?’ “And I thought, oh this is happening.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Instead of providing a quick definition of the Aussie slang term, Poh kindly provided Charles with an excruciatingly detailed definition of the term’s origins. “I go, ‘It’s kind of the dreadlock of poo that hangs off a sheep’s bum,” she explained. “And he goes, ‘Well, you learn something new every day, don’t you.’”</p> <p dir="ltr">While she doesn’t mention when this conversation took place, Charles is known for his love of food, and even made a guest appearance on MasterChef in 2018.</p> <p dir="ltr">Former AFL coach Nathan Buckley also shared a story of a celebrity encounter he had with Paris Hilton, who he said was not particularly polite. The heiress was invited to a BBQ at Buckley’s Melbourne home after his wife Tania gave her a pair of shoes from her South Yarra boutique for Melbourne’s Spring Carnival. Around the same time, Hilton made headlines in Australia for her brief liaison with<span> </span><em>Australian Idol<span> </span></em>contestant Rob Mills.</p> <p dir="ltr">“In the end, she [Hilton] ended up coming over to our little place for a barbecue,” Buckley said, adding, “Rob Mills was waiting outside.” “This is the conversation I had with her. She comes up to me with a full plate of food, in my house, [and says] ‘Fork?’”</p> <p dir="ltr">“I said, ‘Sorry?’ and she goes, ‘Fork?’ I said, ‘They’re just over there.’ She just walked away and that was the only interaction I had with her.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Don Arnold/WireImage</em></p>

News

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“The power of conversation is wonderful”: Bringing mental health into pharmacies

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With the coronavirus pandemic approaching its second year, many of us have been experiencing symptoms associated with mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For some, it has come as a worsening of existing symptoms or conditions, while others may be experiencing difficulties with their mental health for the very first time.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If we then seek help or advice for looking after our mental health, the local pharmacy is often the most accessible form of care we can turn to.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“A pharmacist’s role goes beyond being a dispenser of medicine,” David Tran, the owner and pharmacist at Blooms the Chemist Padstow, tells </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">OverSixty</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“We work on the frontline alongside GPs and allied health providers to look after the physical and mental health of our communities.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Between 2019 and 2020, more than </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/mental-health-services/mental-health-services-in-australia/report-contents/mental-health-related-prescriptions" target="_blank"><span style="font-weight: 400;">one in six Australians</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (17.2 percent) received mental health-related prescriptions, totalling 40.7 million medications being dispensed.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Yet, </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/health/mental-health/national-survey-mental-health-and-wellbeing-summary-results/latest-release#summary-of-findings" target="_blank"><span style="font-weight: 400;">more than half</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (54 percent) of those with a mental illness do not access treatment.</span></p> <p><strong>Learning to spot the signs and symptoms early</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">A new initiative by Blooms the Chemist could make seeking help easier, with the launch of its </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.bloomsthechemist.com.au/mental-health" target="_blank"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Healthy Mind Check-ups</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The service allows people to have one-on-one, confidential conversations with pharmacists about their mental health.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“In community pharmacy, the close ties that we have with the local community members give us the opportunity to provide professional support and advice as a primary point of contact, especially during challenging times such as during the pandemic,” Mr Tran said. “The power of a conversation is wonderful, especially in person.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mr Tran’s chemist was at the epicentre of Sydney’s strict COVID-19 lockdown earlier this year, and he has seen a spike in people seeking advice through his pharmacy and the new service.</span></p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7846165/mental-health-pharmacist1.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/c37a5c7a8d5840f4b00dfa06fc736257" /></p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">David Tran (right) says the new Mental Health Check-ups could make mental health resources more accessible to more Australians. Image: Supplied</span></em></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Pharmacists working within Blooms Chemist locations have received over 660 hours of training in Mental Health First Aid - developing skills in identifying signs of perinatal depression and anxiety and the knowledge to assist those at risk of suicide or experiencing domestic violence or emotional crises caused by poor sleep.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For older individuals, Mr Tran said there were some particular mental health concerns pharmacists would be on the lookout for.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“It is important to identify depression in older patients as they are 10-15 percent more likely to experience this condition,” he says.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Usually, the contributing factors to depression in older Australians can include physical illness or personal loss. In addition, with a third of all senior Australians living alone, loneliness is becoming a significant contributor on the mental health of older people and could potentially lead to depression and anxiety.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">He added that going to the pharmacy for an in-person check-up or simply “a conversation with one of our team members” can provide Australians with the connection they need.</span></p> <p><strong>Remote and rural Australians disproportionately affected</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Those in regional and remote areas face more barriers to accessing healthcare, especially when it comes to mental health.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">A </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/health/health-services/patient-experiences-australia-summary-findings/latest-release#experience-of-mental-health-services" target="_blank"><span style="font-weight: 400;">2020-2021 survey of patient experiences</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> from the Australian Bureau of Statistics found that 22.9 percent of people in outer regional, remote or very remote areas waited longer than they felt was acceptable to see a GP, compared to 15.2 percent of people in major cities.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In data from the same survey, 19.9 percent of those in outer regional, remote or very remote areas said cost was not a reason why they didn’t see a mental health professional when they needed to, compared to only 4.2 percent of those in major cities.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mr Tran says the new initiative will boost the accessibility of mental help support, especially in these areas.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Australians in remote areas are inherently disadvantaged compared to people in major urban centres when it comes to accessibility of mental health resources. The general lack of services has shown to be the main barrier to seeking treatment or help in these communities,” he explains.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The long distances that people in regional Australia must commute to have access to mental health services is not only inconvenient but also expensive.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With over 110 locations across the country, Mr Tran says the initiative is “a significant step forward to ensuring people get the support they need”.</span></p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">Image: Getty Images</span></em></p>

Mind

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John Travolta recalls heartbreaking conversation with son over Kelly Preston

<p>John Travolta has recalled an emotional conversation he had with his son, Ben, after the death of Kelly Preston.</p> <p>While appearing on Kevin Hart’s Peacock talk show series, <em>Hart</em>, the 67-year-old A-lister opened up about the heartbreaking chat he had with his 10-year-old son, after the family lost Preston to breast cancer in 2020.</p> <p>The actress battled the disease for two years out of the public eye.</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7843357/travolta-family-kelly-preston-1.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/5370c8c14d914e19a0e01f0ef76dbcc7" /></p> <p>Travolta revealed he and his son were walking through their neighbourhood, when Ben admitted he was afraid to lose his father.</p> <p>"He said to me once, 'Because mum passed away, I'm afraid you're going to,'" the <em>Grease</em> star shared.</p> <p>"I said, 'Well, it's a very different thing.' And I went through the differences about my longevity and her limited life," he continued.</p> <p>"I said, 'But you know, Ben… You always love the truth and I'm going to tell you the truth about life. Nobody knows when they're gonna go or when they're going to stay.'</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7843358/travolta-family-kelly-preston-2.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/15fe78c4354b40a08661df0779387e27" /></p> <p>"Your brother [Jett] left at 16. Too young. Your mother left at 57. That was too young. But who's to say? I could die tomorrow. You could. Anybody can.</p> <p>“So let's look at it like it's part of life. You don't know exactly. You just do your best at trying to live the longest you can."</p> <p>Travolta and Preston shared three children together, including daughter Ella, 21, Ben, 10, and Jett, who died in 2009 when he was just 16 after suffering a seizure.</p>

Family & Pets

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12 rude conversation habits you need to stop ASAP

<p><strong>Interrupting people</strong></p> <p>It happens to everyone who likes chitchatting. Something pops into your head while your friend is speaking, and you interrupt them to blurt it out. Although this might happen occasionally, it’s definitely more of a rude conversation habit for many people. Emilie Dulles, who has more than 29 years of experience in traditional etiquette, says interrupting people is the most common rude conversation habit she encounters. Interrupting not only expresses a lack of interest or respect for the speaker, but it also stops people from sharing the punchline or pearl of wisdom that might come at the end of their story, according to Dulles. So always let others finish their thoughts completely unless what you have to say is extremely urgent or related to an emergency, adds Bonnie Tsai, the founder and director of Beyond Etiquette.</p> <p><strong>Overusing sarcasm</strong></p> <p>Sarcasm is a hit or miss in most conversations, especially if people don’t already know your sense of humour, according to Tsai. So always be mindful of your audience and determine if it’s the right time or place. “If you have to ask whether or not it’s appropriate, it’s most likely not,” says Tsai.</p> <p><strong>Only talking about yourself</strong></p> <p>Strictly talking about yourself while speaking with others makes you appear narcissistic and inconsiderate of other people and their feelings. “Everyone’s experience and feelings are just as important as yours,” says Tsai. “They want to be able to share their stories just like you want to share yours.” Not only is talking exclusively about yourself pompous but Julia Esteve Boyd, an international etiquette consultant based in Switzerland who travels globally, says that monopolising the conversation is just plain irritating and boring.</p> <p><strong>Scrolling while speaking</strong></p> <p>Being distracted by your phone is one of the rude conversation habits that are more popular than ever before, according to Tsai. “Our phones are great for connecting with those who are far away, however, it takes time away from those who we are with in the moment,” says Tsai. If you use your phone during a conversation, it might signal boredom, that you’d rather be elsewhere, or that whatever is happening on your phone is more essential. “The message won’t go away, but the person we are conversing with might,” says Boyd. Using your phone during a conversation is the “height of rudeness,” according to Boyd.</p> <p><strong>Always needing to be “right”</strong></p> <p>If the conversation takes turns into more of a debate, don’t worry about being “right.” Insisting on winning an argument doesn’t mean you win the fight since this kind of behaviour is rude, says Tsai. “The important thing isn’t about being right or wrong, but understanding where each other is coming from and the ability to empathise with one another without judgment,” says Tsai. “That’s how we can have more productive conversations to help us move forward and learn about one another.”</p> <p><strong>One-upping the other person</strong></p> <p>So your friend just mentioned their first-ever international trip to Italy – and all you want is to chatter away about your semester abroad in Milan. It might be a good idea to hold off. “Someone else sharing their experience with you doesn’t require you to counter with your own,” says Tsai. “They are simply sharing a personal experience with you rather than hear about how you recently had the same experience or something even better.”</p> <p><strong>Prepping your response before the end of a story</strong></p> <p>Too many people these days aren’t actually listening to a conversation intentionally. Instead, “they are waiting for their turn to speak, or in the worst cases, interrupting to get to speak right now,” says Dulles. Instead of preparing what you want to say next, Dulles suggests taking a deep breath and taking in what the other person says. After a few seconds pass, it’s your turn to speak.</p> <p><strong>Turning every conversation into gossip</strong></p> <p>Dulles says that gossip is at a new level in conversation today, thanks to social media. Not only is there less time to process information, but this also leads to comparison and envy – turning spectators into critics and gossipers in no time, according to Dulles. Whether you converse via phone or in person, the old adage holds true: If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything.</p> <p><strong>Asking probing questions</strong></p> <p>Some questions are just too personal for casual or group conversations. And Boyd has to correct her clients for asking these questions that are too personal. Instead, keep all conversational topics neutral. “Talk about your culture, another culture, food, travel, wine, hobbies, local news and general family questions,” says Boyd. If other people start in with intrusive questions, you can answer them without making things awkward. For people who ask how much money you make say, “Not enough!” Or if your cousin won’t stop asking when you’re having kids say, “I don’t know, but I may need a babysitter one day, can I count on you?”</p> <p><strong>Making inappropriate comments</strong></p> <p>It’s key to be respectful of other people’s boundaries and sensitivities, regardless of gender or culture. “If you accidentally let an inappropriate comment slip, apologise, take responsibility, and use it as a teaching moment for yourself and others,” says Tsai.</p> <p><strong>Not reading the room</strong></p> <p>If there’s one thing you take away from this list of rude conversation habits, it’s the importance of reading the room. This expression is popular because it speaks to the need for self-awareness as well as the awareness of others, according to Dulles. “Your conversation topics, tone and volume need to be streamlined to the setting and the people around you,” says Dulles.</p> <p><strong>Assuming you’re a good conversationalist</strong></p> <p>There’s always room for improvement, even if you don’t think you’re guilty of these rude conversation habits. “Conversation etiquette ultimately stems from having respect and consideration for others,” says Tsai. If you aren’t sure whether or not you have any conversation habits that come off as rude, ask your close friends and family to help you out. “They can help you be aware of any quirks or habits you have when you’re spending time with others that can be perceived as inappropriate,” says Tsai. More importantly, once you know these things, you can work on them and become an even better conversationalist.</p> <p><em>Written by Emily DiNuzzo</em><em>. This article first appeared on </em><a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/12-rude-conversation-habits-you-need-to-stop-asap?pages=1"><em>Reader’s Digest</em></a><em>. For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, </em><a href="http://readersdigest.com.au/subscribe"><em>here’s our best subscription offer</em></a><em>.</em></p>

Relationships

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Why Australia needs a national ban on conversion therapy

<p>In recent weeks, <a href="https://www.sbs.com.au/news/queensland-has-become-the-first-australian-state-to-ban-gay-conversion-therapy">Queensland</a> and <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-08-27/act-bans-gay-conversion-therapy-with-sexuality-gender-bill/12600956">the ACT</a> became the first Australian jurisdictions to ban conversion therapy.</p> <p>Both passed laws making the <a href="https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/pdf/PS02_2014.pdf">widely discredited</a> practice a criminal offence.</p> <p>While this is progress, it is not enough to adequately protect LGBTIQ Australians from the devastating impact of conversion therapy. A national approach is needed.</p> <p><strong>What is conversion therapy?</strong></p> <p>Conversion therapy involves practices aimed at changing the sexual orientation, gender identity or expression of lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and gender diverse people.</p> <p><strong>Get your politics analysis from academic experts, not vested interests.</strong></p> <p>Get newsletter</p> <p>The goal is achieve an exclusively <a href="https://www.hrlc.org.au/reports/preventing-harm">heterosexual and cisgender identity</a> (in other words, where a person’s gender identity matches that assigned at birth).</p> <p>In Australia, <a href="https://www.hrlc.org.au/reports/preventing-harm">religious-based</a> conversion therapy is most common, and includes things like counselling for “sexual brokenness”, prayer, scripture reading, fasting, retreats and “spiritual healing” .</p> <p>According to the International Rehabilitation Council for Torture Victims, so-called “<a href="https://irct.org/uploads/media/IRCT_research_on_conversion_therapy.pdf">therapeutic</a>” measures can also include forms of abuse like beatings, rape, electrocution, forced medication, confinement, forced nudity, verbal abuse and <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-02-01/penis-lie-detector-helped-doctors-conduct-gay-aversion-therapy/10768044">aversion therapy</a>.</p> <p>Even more extreme measures <a href="https://theconversation.com/some-christian-groups-still-promote-gay-conversion-therapy-but-their-influence-is-waning-91523">throughout history</a> have included castration, lobotomy and <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-rise-and-fall-of-fgm-in-victorian-london-38327">clitoridectomy</a>.</p> <p>Crucially, conversion therapy does not refer to interventions that help affirm a person’s lived gender identity, such as for transgender people.</p> <p><strong>How widespread is it?</strong></p> <p>There are no studies of the prevalence of conversion therapy in contemporary Australia, but a 2018 Human Rights Law Centre/La Trobe University <a href="https://www.hrlc.org.au/reports/preventing-harm">report</a> pointed to the United Kingdom as a reasonable comparison.</p> <p>The UK’s 2018 <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/national-lgbt-survey-summary-report">national LGBT survey</a> saw 2% of respondents report having undergone conversion therapy, with a further 5% reporting they had been offered it. People from multicultural and multi-faith backgrounds were up to three times as likely to report being offered it.</p> <p>As The Age <a href="https://www.theage.com.au/national/i-am-profoundly-unsettled-inside-the-hidden-world-of-gay-conversion-therapy-20180227-p4z1xn.html">reported in 2018</a>, conversion therapies are commonly encountered in religious settings.</p> <p><em>[They are] hidden in evangelical churches and ministries, taking the form of exorcisms, prayer groups or counselling disguised as pastoral care. They’re also present in some religious schools or practised in the private offices of health professionals.</em></p> <p><strong>Why does it need to be banned?</strong></p> <p>The practice <a href="https://www2.health.vic.gov.au/about/publications/researchandreports/report-on-inquiry-into-conversion-therapy-executive-summary">causes real harm to survivors</a>, many of whom live with acute and long-lasting distress, psychological damage, feelings of guilt and <a href="https://www.hrlc.org.au/reports/preventing-harm">isolation</a> as a result. Conversion therapy encourages internalised homophobia, self-hatred, shame and confusion about sexuality and gender identity.</p> <p>In addition to direct harms, the practice also <a href="https://undocs.org/A/HRC/44/53">violates human rights</a>.</p> <p>It is opposed by many professional medical and human rights bodies, including the <a href="https://www.psychology.org.au/About-Us/news-and-media/Media-releases/2018/The-APS-does-not-support-gay-conversion-therapy">Australian Psychological Society</a>, <a href="https://ama.com.au/ausmed/no-place-conversion-therapy">Australian Medical Association</a> and the <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/u-n-calls-global-end-conversion-therapy-says-it-may-n1230851">United Nations</a>.</p> <p>The <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1752928X20300366?dgcid=author">Independent Forensic Expert Group</a> recently released a statement, stressing the “lack of medical and scientific validity of conversion therapy”.</p> <p>Conversion therapy has <a href="https://undocs.org/A/HRC/44/53">already been banned</a> in a number of countries including Brazil, Malta, <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/germany-5th-country-ban-conversion-therapy-minors-n1203166">Germany</a> and <a href="https://www.reuters.com/article/us-spain-lgbt-politics/spains-health-minister-calls-for-end-to-gay-conversion-therapy-idUSKCN1RF2IR">parts of Spain</a>, and the United States.</p> <p>Canada is moving towards a <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/09/canada-lgbtq-conversion-therapy-criminalize">national ban</a>, while the European Parliament has <a href="http://lgbti-ep.eu/2018/03/01/european-parliament-takes-a-stance-against-lgbti-conversion-therapies-for-the-first-time/">condemned the practice</a>. In July, Prime Minister Boris Johnson also pledged a ban <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-politics-53477323">in the UK</a>.</p> <p><strong>Australia’s progress to date</strong></p> <p>In the lead up to the 2019 federal election, <a href="https://www.smh.com.au/federal-election-2019/dangerous-and-discredited-labor-pledges-to-ban-gay-conversion-therapy-20190422-p51g8x.html">federal Labor</a> promised a nationwide ban.</p> <p>But Prime Minister <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/apr/24/coalition-takes-tougher-line-on-gay-conversion-therapy-after-labor-promises-ban">Scott Morrison</a> said while he didn’t support conversion therapy, it was “ultimately a matter for the states”.</p> <p>On top of Queensland and the ACT, <a href="https://engage.vic.gov.au/conversion-practices-ban">Victoria</a> also intends to ban the practice, and South Australia’s <a href="https://www.starobserver.com.au/news/national-news/south-australia/south-australian-ban-on-conversion-therapy-to-be-shaped-by-survivors/197249">Labor opposition</a> is calling for a ban.</p> <p><strong>A national approach is required</strong></p> <p>While Australia is making welcome progress, a much more comprehensive approach is needed. Conversion practices remain legal in most of Australia, despite their clear harms.</p> <p>Queensland’s ban <a href="https://www.sbs.com.au/news/queensland-outlawed-gay-conversion-therapy-survivors-say-the-ban-doesn-t-go-far-enough">has been criticised</a> for not capturing the <a href="https://www.hrlc.org.au/reports/preventing-harm">less-formalised practices</a> in religious settings.</p> <p>It is important to note the UN’s independent expert on sexual orientation and gender identity <a href="https://undocs.org/A/HRC/44/53">recommends</a> banning conversion therapy beyond just healthcare to include religious, education, and community settings.</p> <p>Lawmakers so far have also focused on balancing the rights of LGBTIQ people with religious freedoms. For example, the ACT legislation <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-08-27/act-bans-gay-conversion-therapy-with-sexuality-gender-bill/12600956">was amended</a> after Christian schools <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-08-26/sexuality-gender-conversion-therapy-bill-in-legislative-assembly/12596372">raised concerns</a> the definition of “conversion” was “vague and imprecise” (the ACT Law Society <a href="https://www.actlawsociety.asn.au/article/criminal-offence-a-heavy-handed-approach-to-conversion-therapy">also criticised</a> the bill as “too broad”).</p> <p>The Morrison government’s <a href="https://theconversation.com/governments-religious-discrimination-bill-enshrines-the-right-to-harm-others-in-the-name-of-faith-131206">controversial</a> religious discrimination legislation, <a href="https://theconversation.com/grattan-on-friday-pandemic-kills-indigenous-referendum-delivers-likely-mortal-blow-to-religious-discrimination-legislation-140079">stalled due to COVID-19</a>, may also raise difficult questions for state lawmakers.</p> <p>Legal groups, such as the <a href="https://www.liv.asn.au/Staying-Informed/LIJ/LIJ/January-2020/Religious-freedom-bill-contravenes-healthcare-righ">Law Institute of Victoria</a>, have already criticised the proposed legislation for allowing health professionals to put their religious beliefs before the Australian Charter of Healthcare Rights.</p> <p>State-based bans could also be undermined by federal religious freedom exemptions.</p> <p><strong>A new system is needed</strong></p> <p>Australia needs to enact a ban that works in concert with federal human rights and anti-discrimination law, overseen by the Australian Human Rights Commission.</p> <p>This is essential to counter any ramifications of the proposed religious freedom legislation and address recommendations made by the UN.</p> <p>Ultimately, law reform also needs to go hand in hand with complaint mechanisms and other support for victims. This includes community awareness campaigns to tackle the deep discrimination and prejudice at the heart of conversion practices.</p> <p><em>Written by Larissa Sandy, Anastasia Powell and Rebecca Hiscock. Republished with permission of <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-australia-needs-a-national-ban-on-conversion-therapy-145410">The Conversation.</a></em></p> <p><em> </em></p>

Retirement Life

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Signs you’re a conversational narcissist

<p>Showing conversational narcissism doesn’t mean you have a personality disorder. (To learn more about that, watch out for these 12 signs you’re dealing with a narcissist.) The term was coined by sociologist Charles Derber and describes the tendency to turn a conversation back to yourself. A balanced dialogue should involve both sides, but conversational narcissists tend to keep the focus on themselves, so you’re getting attention but not giving any away, says licenced marriage and family therapist Kate Campbell, PhD. “It invalidates the other person and what they’re trying to share,” she says. The problem is, talking about ourselves is natural, so it’s hard to notice when you’re overdoing it.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>You don’t ask many questions</strong></p> <p>Asking questions gives the other person a chance to elaborate more – so conversational narcissists won’t ask them, says Celeste Headlee, author of We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations that Matter. “If they do ask questions, they’re questions that lead back to themselves,” she says. “Things like ‘Do you know what I mean?’ ‘Did I tell you about this?’ ‘Did we see this movie?’” To be a better listener, ask follow-up questions to show interest in what the other person is saying.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>You use a lot of filler phrases</strong></p> <p>Even when listening to another person, a conversational narcissist will respond mostly with fillers like “hmm” or “interesting” instead of showing any true curiosity, says Headlee. “It’s passive conversational narcissism, which is withholding attention until the attention goes back to ourselves,” she says. Make sure you’re fully engaged in a conversation, even if you can’t personally relate – your relationship will be stronger for it.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>You’ve been talking for ages</strong></p> <p>The amount of time you’ve been talking is a major red flag that you’re showing conversational narcissism. “It becomes more of a monologue versus a dialogue,” says Dr Campbell. “You need to have a back-and-forth flow.” Make a point of being more self-aware of how long you’ve been talking. If no one else can get a word in edgewise, it’s time for you to step aside for the next speaker.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>The listeners’ eyes are glazing over</strong></p> <p>Because you care so much about what you’re talking about, sometimes it can be hard to realise that you’ve been dominating the conversation. The trick, then, is to notice subtle cues in the people you’re with. “Their body language might look uncomfortable, or they could be crossing their arms or not paying attention,” says Dr Campbell. Some might even be scrolling through their phones to avoid engaging. At that point, try to bring one of them into the conversation by mentioning something he or she would want a say in.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>You wait until you’re done to ask questions</strong></p> <p>You’ve noticed you’ve been doing most of the talking in the conversation – great! That’s the first step to shutting down your own conversational narcissism. But it won’t mean much if you only say “enough about me!” at the end of your chat when everyone is getting ready to leave, you aren’t giving the other person much chance to talk. “It’s a nod to politeness … when really it’s just surface and not an honest invitation,” says Headlee. Give the others a chance to get a word in early on so you can have a balanced two-way conversation.</p> <p>One phrase Headlee says you shouldn’t let out of your mouth when someone else is dealing with a tragedy: “I know how you feel.” You might think you’re showing support, but that phrase is actually turning the conversation away from the other person’s pain and over to your own. “It shuts down that conversation,” says Headlee. “You’re saying ‘you don’t need to tell me anymore – I know how you feel.’” What that person really needs is a listening ear, she says, so encourage your friend to tell you more. No need to pretend you can’t relate, but after you share a story, bring the focus back to the other person. Try something like “I lost a parent last year too and can’t imagine what you’re going through. Is there any way I can help?”</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>You’re constantly thinking of your next line</strong></p> <p>In contrast to a conversational narcissist, a good listener “would be listening to understand versus listening to respond or share a story,” says Dr Campbell. Instead of wracking your brain for a similar story you can add to the conversation, put the focus on the speaker. Once there’s a pause, show you genuinely want to understand by confirming what you’ve heard and allowing the person to elaborate, or ask for extra details.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>You’re feeling awkward</strong></p> <p>Some people try to ask questions to divert focus away from themselves when they’re feeling shy, says Headlee. On the other hand, others might default to conversational narcissism, says Dr Campbell. “Especially if they’re nervous or uncomfortable socially, they go back to what they know – and that’s their own personal experiences,” she says. Try these science-backed tips for boosting self-confidence to get over your nerves.</p> <p> </p> <p><em>Written by Marissa Laliberte</em><em>. This article first appeared on </em><a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/8-signs-youre-a-conversational-narcissist"><em>Reader’s Digest</em></a><em>. For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, </em><a href="http://readersdigest.com.au/subscribe"><em>here’s our best subscription offer</em></a><em>.</em></p>

Relationships

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10 conversation starters that make you instantly interesting

<p><strong>1.Perfect conversation starters</strong></p> <p>Whether you’re working up the courage to talk to an attractive stranger of feeling awkward at a social or business event, the conversation topics will get you off to a winning start</p> <p><strong>2.Conversation Topic: Ask for a helping hand</strong></p> <p> “Helping questions are great conversation starters because when a person helps you it forms natural bonds. When you help another person to figure what an item is on the buffet or locate the bathroom, it lowers your defences. For example, if you’re at the supermarket, ask ‘Do you know how to tell if this fruit is ripe?’ It makes you look open to learning more and will help the conversation flow naturally.” – Dawn Maslar, MS, author of <em>Men Chase, Women Choose: The Neuroscience of Meeting, Dating, Losing Your Mind, and Finding True Love</em>.</p> <p><strong>3.Conversation Topic: Compliment something other than someone’s looks</strong></p> <p> “Instead of complimenting something generic like their eyes, highlight something that shows their personality, like their purse or a book. This is simple, elegant and great if you are interested in someone or anytime you want to boost their likeability toward you for business or social reasons.” – Paul DePompo, PsyD, ABPP, psychologist</p> <p><strong>4.Conversation Topic: Bring up a shared interest</strong></p> <p> “Many people think they have nothing in common with a stranger but if someone is at a supermarket, restaurant or bar they are there for a reason – one which is likely similar to yours. You’re both there so you both share a common interest. Ask questions to find out what that interest is. For instance, ask about what their experience at that venue has been like or why they chose it.” – Shannon Battle, licensed professional counsellor</p> <p><strong>5.Conversation Topic: Go simple… yet bold</strong></p> <p> “Give a genuine smile and say, ‘Hi.’ It sounds too simple but people are so used to other people staring at their phones that a simple smile and hello can be a very bold move. It shows the other person that you’ve noticed them and you’re interested in getting to know them better. And you’ll almost always get a hello back. (If you don’t, let it go. You don’t want to date a rude person anyway.)” – Suzanne Casamento, dating expert and the creator of Fantasy Dating</p> <p><strong>6.Conversation Topic: Ask for their honest opinion</strong></p> <p> “Asking ‘I’ve been really thinking deeply about something and wondering if I can share it, and get your feedback?’ shows your interest in the other person and solicits new and interesting information that is fun to discuss. Pretty much anyone will want to share their opinions with an interested party and they will think you are nice and fun to be with, as well.” – Melissa Orlov, therapist and author of <em>The Couple’s Guide to Thriving With ADHD</em>.</p> <p><strong>7.Conversation Topic: Tell a bonding joke</strong></p> <p> “Jokes work well because they are disarming and work on a biological level. If a woman laughs at a man’s joke, he feels assured that she has a level of comfort with him. For her, laughing releases oxytocin, the ‘bonding hormone.’ These two things together create an opening for more conversation.” – Dawn Maslar</p> <p><strong>8.Conversation Topic: Give an out-of-the-blue compliment</strong></p> <p> “I always tell my clients to try out a compliment. It breaks the ice and these days it’s completely unexpected! You can test out doing this by just giving people walking down the street a compliment and see their reaction, most times people will give you a smile and possibly engage in more conversation. After all, who doesn’t like to be complimented?” – Stef Safran, a matchmaking and dating expert in Chicago and owner of Stef and the City.</p> <p><strong>9.Conversation Topic: Get (pop) cultured</strong></p> <p> “Make a comment or joke about something big in pop culture that most people would be familiar with – something light, NOT political. If you need ideas look at what’s trending or are hot topics on Twitter or Facebook.” – Stef Safran.</p> <p><strong>10.Conversation Topic: Ask a fake favour</strong></p> <p> “People love to help so asking for a small favour is a great conversation starter. If you don’t have a favour to ask for, just make one up. Ask the person you find attractive to help you reach something on a high shelf or hold something while you look through your wallet. At the very least you’ll end up with a fun story to tell your friends.” – Suzanne Casamento</p> <p><em>Written </em>by <em>Charlotte Hilton Andersen.</em> This<em> article first appeared in </em><a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/37-conversation-starters-that-make-you-instantly-interesting/"><em>Reader’s Digest</em></a><em>. For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, </em><a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=articles&amp;utm_campaign=RDSUB&amp;keycode=WRA87V"><em>here’s our best subscription offer.</em></a><em><u> </u></em></p> <p><img style="width: 100px !important; height: 100px !important;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7820640/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f30947086c8e47b89cb076eb5bb9b3e2" /></p>

Caring

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There is now proof that your smart speaker is eavesdropping on your conversations

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Amazon has confirmed that its smart speaker, the Amazon Echo – also known as “Alexa” – listens to your personal and private conversations.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The company employs thousands of workers to listen to voice recordings that are captured by the company’s Echo “smart” speakers, according to a </span><a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-04-10/is-anyone-listening-to-you-on-alexa-a-global-team-reviews-audio"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bloomberg</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> report.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Millions across the world have been reluctant to use the device for this very reason, and it turns out that someone IS listening to their conversations.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">However, Amazon doesn’t refer to the process as eavesdropping. The company refers to it as the “Alexa voice review process” and uses it to highlight the role that humans play in training software algorithms.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“This information helps us train our speech recognition and natural language understanding systems, so Alexa can better understand your requests, and ensure the service works well for everyone,” an Amazon spokesperson said in a statement.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The audio transcribers, who are comprised of full-time employees at Amazon as well as contractors, told </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bloomberg</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> that they reviewed “as many as 1,000 audio clips per shift”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Although some of the employees might find the work mundane, the listeners occasionally pick up on things that the person on the other end would like to remain private, such as a woman singing in her shower off-key and loudly.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The report from </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bloomberg</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> also revealed that the more amusing (or harder to understand) voice clips get shared amongst the employees via internal chat rooms.</span></p> <p><strong>How to disable this feature</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">However, disabling this feature is easy. As it’s switched on by default in the Alexa app, this is also the way you turn it off.</span></p> <ol> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Open the Alexa app on your phone.</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Tap the “Menu” button on the top left of the screen.</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Select “Alexa Account”.</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Choose “Alexa Privacy”.</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Select “Manage how your data improves Alexa”.</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Turn off the button next to “Help Develop New Features”.</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Turn off the button next to your name under “Use Messages to Improve Transcriptions”.</span></li> </ol> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Despite turning off the recording function for Alexa, the company told Bloomberg that its voice recordings may still be analysed as a part of Amazon’s review process.</span></p>

Technology

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6 magic phrases that can save an awkward conversation

<p><strong>1. Pay a compliment</strong></p> <p>Why is it so easy to forget someone’s name within seconds of meeting them? Because, you weren’t really listening—you were too busy thinking about what to say next. One easy way to skirt that natural selfishness and propel any conversation forward is to open with flattery. When you meet someone for the first time, 'Pay that person a compliment when repeating their name, thus helping to anchor and embed it even deeper into your memory,' says professional mentalist Oz Pearlman, who sometimes has to remember the names of hundreds of people he just met for his act. If you compliment Alyssa on her necklace, you instantly prime your brain to recall her name the next time you see that necklace, Pearlman says. 'As a bonus, everyone enjoys flattery, so that compliment can go a long way toward you being remembered as well.''</p> <p><strong>2. Ask lots of questions – good questions</strong></p> <p>Research shows that in conversations with unfamiliar people, we tend to rate the experience based on our own performance, not theirs. What’s more: the experience of talking about ourselves can be more pleasurable than food or money. So, how do you give your conversation partner the pleasure of a good conversation? Ask them questions—a lot of questions, and ones that call for more than vague one-word answers (a good rule is, if your question can be answered with “fine,” don’t ask it). Avoid work if you can; instead, ask about play—”What keeps you busy outside of work?” is a good place to start. According to Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk, one question pretty much guaranteed to put someone in a positive mindset and open doors to their personality: “What has the highlight of your year been so far?” This allows the person to show you her best self and, if her highlight includes a topic you’re interested in too, may lay the groundwork for a true friendship.</p> <p><strong>3. Try to make their day better</strong></p> <p>If your conversation partner still isn’t biting, make things even easier for them by asking games researcher Jane McGonigal’s favourite question: “On a scale of one to ten, how was your day?” Anyone can think of a number between one and ten, McGonigal says, and they’re likely to elaborate on their answer as they go. But it gets even better. After they respond, ask them this: “Is there anything I can do to move you from a six to a seven (or a three to a four, etc.)?” You’d be surprised how happy this little gesture will make someone.</p> <p><strong>4. Play the sympathy card</strong></p> <p>Ready for a cheater’s way to advance a conversation? Memorize three magic words: 'that sounds hard.'  'Nearly everyone in the world believes their job to be difficult,' entrepreneur Paul Ford wrote in his viral essay, 'How to Be Polite.' 'I once went to a party and met a very beautiful woman whose job was to help celebrities wear Harry Winston jewelry,' Ford wrote. 'I could tell that she was disappointed to be introduced to this rumpled giant in an off-brand shirt, but when I told her that her job sounded difficult to me she brightened and spoke for 30 straight minutes about sapphires and Jessica Simpson.'</p> <p><strong>5. Seek their opinion</strong></p> <p>This tip has been tested by tactful US founding father, Benjamin Franklin. In his memoir, Franklin describes an 'old maxim' that helped him along in his political career: 'He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.'  In other words, if you ask someone for advice or a favour and they oblige you, they will be psychologically primed to like you and help you again (today this phenomenon is know as The Ben Franklin effect). So, if you truly want to endear yourself to a stranger and show them you value their mind, ask for their advice on something. If they give it to you, they get to feel important and valued—and you might just learn something in the process.</p> <p><strong>6. Exit gracefully</strong></p> <p>When your conversation reaches a natural conclusion, pull the trigger by saying 'I won’t keep you' or 'Give my regards to [mutual acquaintance]' before making your escape. Adam Dachis, coauthor of The Awkward Human Survival Guide, adds that context can provide you the perfect exit strategy. 'If you’re at a party, excuse yourself to get a drink; if you’re at work, you can leave to get some coffee. You can also say, ‘It’s nice talking to you, but I have to talk to someone before they leave.’'</p> <p><em>Written by Brandon Spektor. This article first appeared in </em><a href="http://www.readersdigest.com.au/healthsmart/tips/6-magic-phrases-can-save-awkward-conversation?items_per_page=All"><em>Reader’s Digest</em>.</a><em> For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, </em><a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=articles&amp;utm_campaign=RDSUB&amp;keycode=WRA93V"><em>here’s our best subscription offer.</em></a> </p> <p><img style="width: 100px !important; height: 100px !important;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7820640/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f30947086c8e47b89cb076eb5bb9b3e2" /></p>

Caring

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5 brilliant conversation hacks that you wish you knew sooner

<p>Believe it or not, conversing is hard work. You never want to say the wrong thing, and you need to come across as confident without seeming <em>too </em>confident. For many, the idea of engaging in small talk is terrifying, but thanks to a thread on <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/aiv6l6/what_is_the_most_effective_psychological_trick/eeray4a/">Reddit</a></span>, users shared their best psychological tricks they use when having to engage in a conversation.</p> <p>Here are five useful hacks:</p> <p><strong>1. If you want to accept an apology</strong></p> <p>“Don’t say, 'It's OK,' when someone apologises. Say something like, 'Thank you for apologising.'</p> <p>“If someone needs to apologise to you, then it was for something that wasn't OK. My mom teaches this to her kindergarteners, and it really does make a difference. It opens the door for growth and conversation, too. 'Thank you for apologising, I don’t like it when you hit me.'"</p> <p>– <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/aiv6l6/what_is_the_most_effective_psychological_trick/eeray4a">katiebugdisney</a></span></p> <p><strong>2. How to win any argument</strong></p> <p>"In an argument, find something to agree on then push your main point."</p> <p> – <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/aiv6l6/what_is_the_most_effective_psychological_trick/eeray4a/">bobvella</a></span></p> <p><strong>3. If you want to get the truth out</strong></p> <p>"Listening to someone without giving advice or pushing for more information typically gets me more information than being pushy for it."</p> <p>– <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/aiv6l6/what_is_the_most_effective_psychological_trick/eeray4a/">Drewby5</a></span></p> <p><strong>4. The secret behind a successful marriage</strong></p> <p>"When I do something annoying or bothersome to my husband and he goes quiet, I wait a few minutes and then I ask him a seemingly innocent question, usually on the subject of how certain parts of a car works, or something mechanical. This gets him talking about the car thing and he rambles for like 5 minutes and then bam! He’s happy again and not quietly brooding."</p> <p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/aiv6l6/what_is_the_most_effective_psychological_trick/eer5pzn">alskdjfhgtk</a> </p> <p><strong>5. How to deal with a distressing situation</strong></p> <p>"If you need to deescalate someone and get them to communicate, try asking questions about numbers/personal information (I work in emergency services). If someone is totally distraught and shut down, asking their phone number/address/birthdate can pull them out of the emotional place and bring them back to a headspace where they can talk about what happened more easily. I often ask these questions even after I have the information, just to deescalate."</p> <p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/aiv6l6/what_is_the_most_effective_psychological_trick/eeqvaeh">Orpheus91</a></p> <p>Will you be using any of these conversation hacks? Or maybe you have some of your own? Let us know in the comments below.</p>

Body

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Prince’s Harry’s incredible response to war widow during emotional conversation

<p class="p1"><span class="s1">Prince Harry has again shown his immense humanity and generosity while speaking with a military war widow. Photos of his recent</span><span class="s2"> </span><span class="s1">climb of the Sydney Harbour Bridge show the 34-year-old hugging Invictus Games ambassador Gwen Cherne, whose husband Peter J. Cafe served in Afghanistan, Iraq and Cambodia. Sadly, he took his own life earlier this year.</span></p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1">Harry embraced Cherne as they had an emotional conversation about her husband’s death.</span></p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1">But in typical Prince Harry fashion, Cherne has spoken about his reaction when palace aides attempted to cut their interaction short. The pair were talking about “grief and loss” the 41-year-old and mother-of-three told <em><a href="https://people.com/royals/prince-harry-comforted-service-widow-sydney-harbour-bridge-climb/"><span class="s3">People</span></a></em> magazine. The Duke of Sussex wasn’t about to be moved on.</span></p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1">“’I’m in the middle of a conversation, and I’m not going to leave this,’” Cherne revealed Harry said to his palace aides.</span></p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1">“We were talking about my story and mental health and how difficult it is still, in our society, to talk about grief and loss and suicide,” Cherne recounted.</span></p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1">“And how important things like the Invictus Games are to shedding light on and allowing people to start to have these conversations that are great to have.”</span></p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1">Mental health is an issue Prince Harry has championed along with his brother Prince William and sister-in-law Duchess Kate. He has regularly brought awareness to how it affects war veterans.</span></p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1">Ms Cherne said Harry and Meghan have provided a “beacon of hope and light for so many”.</span></p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1">“They’re touching, they’re shining that interest on the Games, and that shines light on their service and that shines light on the sacrifices their families make,” she told the publication.</span></p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1"> </span><span class="s1">“I was humbled by the opportunity to spend that time with (Harry) and grateful for all he is doing given his place in the world.”</span></p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1"> </span><span class="s1">As a central part of their Royal Tour, Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan have been heavily involved in the Invictus Games, the athletics tournament for ex-service men and women wounded during duty, founded and championed by Harry. The couple will return to Sydney on Friday as the games wrap up.</span></p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1">Cherne, who was only a few selected to climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge with Harry, said that the royal couple are a “beacon of hope and light for so many”.</span></p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1">“They’re touching, they’re shining that interest on the Games, and that shines light on their service and that shines light on the sacrifices their families make,” she said.</span></p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1"> </span><span class="s1">“I was humbled by the opportunity to spend that time with (Harry) and grateful for all he is doing given his place in the world.”</span></p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1">If you are troubled by this article, experiencing a personal crisis or thinking about suicide, you can call Lifeline 131 114 or beyondblue 1300 224 636 or visit <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.lifeline.org.au/" target="_blank" title="https://www.lifeline.org.au/">lifeline.org.au</a> or <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.beyondblue.org.au/" target="_blank" title="beyondblue.org.au">beyondblue.org.au</a>.</span></p> <p class="p1"> </p> <p class="p2"><span class="s1"> </span></p>

Caring

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The most important conversation you’ll ever have

<p>In 1984, British writer, actor and self-confessed wordsmith, Gyles Brandreth, famously estimated that each person will say 860,341,500 words in a lifetime. And despite the average person speaking the equivalent of the entire text of the complete 20-volume <em>Oxford English Dictionary</em> more than 14.5 times, there is one key conversation that is escaping Aussie senior’s lips.</p> <p>If you were unable to speak for yourself, who would you want to speak for you? And more importantly, what health care decisions would you want them to make?</p> <p>Advance care planning is about communicating your values and preferences related to health and personal care, as well as appointing a substitute decision-maker and/or completing an Advance Care Directive.</p> <p>An Advance Care Directive is only used if a person loses the ability, or capacity, to make their own medical treatment decisions. This loss of capacity might be temporary such as during illness, or permanent, and may be towards the end of a person’s life. Directives may record personal values and life goals, describe circumstances the person would find unacceptable such as requiring a breathing or kidney machine for the rest of your life, or identify other specific medical interventions you do or don’t want.</p> <p>Having this conversation with family and loved ones is more important than most people realise because around half of Australians will not be able to make their own end-of-life medical decisions.</p> <p>Medical Director of <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.advancecareplanning.org.au/?utm_source=Over60website&amp;utm_medium=Website&amp;utm_campaign=acpweek2018&amp;utm_content=NativeContent" target="_blank">Advance Care Planning Australia</a></strong></span> Dr Karen Detering explained that advance care planning not only benefits the individual who has communicated their preferences, but it also reduces the burden of decision-making for loved ones.</p> <p>“Research shows that having an advance care plan in place can help alleviate stress and anxiety for those decision-makers. Yet in Australia advance care planning is not common or widely understood,” Dr Detering said.</p> <p>“Typically, Australians think about life and death as black and white, yet in reality there’s an extended ‘grey’ period, with more of us living with ongoing health issues.</p> <p>“In fact, 85 per cent of people die after a chronic illness, not a sudden event, and most of us will live with increasing disability and illness (often for many years) before we actually die.”</p> <p>Advance care planning empowers individuals to have their say on some of the most important medical decisions, during a time when they are physically unable to speak up for themselves.</p> <p>If you haven’t yet started advance care planning, you don’t need to worry because you can start taking steps to begin your journey today.</p> <p>The first step you can take towards ownership of your health care future is to consider your own values, preferences and past and current health. You can also take the time to decide who you would like to be your substitute decision-maker.</p> <p>Once you have done this, you need to communicate your preferences with your substitute decision-maker to ensure that they are aware of the things that you do and don’t want regarding your future health care.</p> <p><strong>How can you start the conversation?</strong></p> <p>Just because you have a close relationship with someone does not mean they can assume or understand your health care preferences and values.</p> <p>It is important to be brave and initiate a deep conversation with your substitute decision-maker about your views, even if you haven’t voiced your feelings in the past.</p> <p>“Starting a conversation may be difficult but in the long run it will make things easier for your loved ones if health care decisions need to be made for you,” said Dr Detering.</p> <p>“We really encourage you to do it now while you can, away from any crisis so you have plenty of time to work through it over a period of time.”</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;">3 steps you can take to start the conversation</span></p> <p>1. Choose a quiet location and make sure everyone has plenty of time to talk so you won’t be rushed or interrupted.</p> <p>2. Let the conversation happen organically – you don’t need to spill everything out at once.</p> <p>3. Understand that advance care planning is an ongoing conversation.</p> <p align="center"><iframe width="500" height="281" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/0AcjGLn9BZ8?feature=oembed" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p> <p>If you feel unsure of how to initiate the conversation, one upcoming event that Aussies can take advantage of is <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://www.advancecareplanning.org.au/acpweek?utm_source=Over60website&amp;utm_medium=Website&amp;utm_campaign=acpweek2018&amp;utm_content=NativeContent" target="_blank">National Advance Care Planning Week</a></span></strong>, running from 16-22 April.</p> <p>This week is focused on raising awareness about advance care planning with many great events, such as morning teas to information sessions, taking place to empower Aussies to get involved and raise awareness about advance care planning.</p> <p>You can get involved in this week by <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://www.advancecareplanning.org.au/acpweek/host-an-event?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=website&amp;utm_campaign=acpweek2018&amp;utm_content=native_content" target="_blank">hosting</a></span></strong> or <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://www.advancecareplanning.org.au/acpweek/whats-on?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=website&amp;utm_campaign=acpweek2018&amp;utm_content=native_content" target="_blank">attending</a></span></strong> an event in your community, or even taking the brave step to schedule in a <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.advancecareplanning.org.au/acpweek/how-to-get-involved/start-the-conversation?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=website&amp;utm_campaign=acpweek2018&amp;utm_content=native_content" target="_blank">conversation</a></strong></span> with your loved ones.</p> <p>Dr Detering highlighted the importance of Australians remembering that advance care planning is not a one-off conversation.</p> <p>“It doesn’t have to happen all at once, it’s a process that may develop over time. More importantly, there are no right or wrong answers. So, don’t put it off – plan for tomorrow so you can live for today!”</p> <p>THIS IS SPONSORED CONTENT BROUGHT TO YOU IN CONJUNCTION WITH ADVANCE CARE PLANNING AUSTRALIA.</p>

Retirement Life

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Karl Stefanovic taxi scandal: Driver records private conversation with brother Peter

<p>Karl Stefanovic can’t seem to <a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/entertainment/tv/2018/03/karl-stefanovic-and-jasmine-yarbrough-exchange-vows/" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong>shake the spotlight this week</strong></span></a>, with reports suggesting a taxi driver has recorded a private phone conversation between the <em>Today</em> host and his brother Peter and is trying to shop it around to media networks.</p> <p>The allegations were first made by veteran Australian entertainment reporter Peter Ford, who teased the story on social media over the weekend.</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr">Could a Sydney taxi driver who recorded the private drunken conversation of a famous passenger be about to destroy a TV partnership? There will be tears before breakfast time. Next week across Australia &amp; NZ.</p> — Peter Ford (@mrpford) <a href="https://twitter.com/mrpford/status/972284863616229376?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 10, 2018</a></blockquote> <p>“Could a Sydney taxi driver who recorded the private drunken conversation of a famous passenger be about to destroy a TV partnership?” he tweeted.</p> <p>“There will be tears before breakfast time. Next week across Australia &amp; NZ.”</p> <p>Ford was one of the guests on the <em>Kyle and Jackie O</em> show this morning, where he elaborated on his allegations to the two morning radio hosts.</p> <p>“They have a very frank and full conversation; talk about lots of people. The driver is in the front seat recording the whole thing, and is now shopping it around. How low is that?</p> <p>“You can’t use it, because it’s an illegally recorded conversation. Any media outlet out there wouldn’t be able to quote from the conversation,” Ford said.</p> <p>“They talked about jobs, about life, a bit of bitching and a bit of moaning. But I think most people would think, there but for the grace of God go I,” he continued.</p> <p>Ford claims to have had the phone call transcribed to him, and argues that while the contents weren’t “earth shattering” there was a bit of “bitching and venting”.</p> <p>“Obviously I was talking about Georgie Gardner,” Ford said, explaining his earlier cryptic tweet.</p> <p>“I don’t know that it would destroy (their partnership), but it certainly would cause... it’s an unusual relationship between those two anyway, you just wouldn’t want any grenade thrown into the mix.”</p> <p>What are your thoughts? Do you think this is a case of where there’s smoke there’s fire? Or is it too early to cast judgement on the situation before hearing the recording.</p>

Technology

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10 essential tips for making better conversation

<p><em><strong>Susan Krauss Whitbourne is a professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. She writes the Fulfilment at Any Age blog for Psychology Today.</strong></em></p> <p>You and your partner are having a quiet dinner at home, but perhaps you are finding it a bit too quiet. Although you don't feel that communication has ever been an issue for you, it seems that lately you’ve run out of fresh things to say. Or perhaps you’re sharing a commute with your carpool buddy, and the minutes seem to be dragging on without any new topics to cover. The ride goes much faster when you can enjoy a good chat, but now you just can’t wait to arrive at your destination. Not knowing what to talk about can also affect you in social situations, such as an office party or a neighbourhood get-together. You’re in the corner with a co-worker or person from down the street, and just keep coming up short when the conversation switches to you.</p> <p>In a new study published by Joshy Jacob Vazhappilly and Marc Reyes (2017) of the University of Santo Tomas (Manila), the efficacy of an intervention designed to help distressed marital partners learn to communicate better was evaluated. Although applied in a treatment situation, their “Emotion-Focused Couples Communication Program (ECCP)” could have broader applicability to any situation in which you find yourself unable to communicate in ways consistent with your wishes. In couples, as they point out, “healthy communication nurtures human relationship."</p> <p>ECCP trains couples over the course of a nine-module series. Some modules include training partners to listen with empathy (“with giraffe’s ears”), meaning to listen without judgment and to take criticism “jovially.” Other modules train couples to be genuine and truthful in turn, and to avoid “should-talks.” As they get further into the training, couples “use a new language of loving relationship of understanding and accepting.” Vazhappilly and Reyes evaluated the intervention’s efficacy on the marital satisfaction and communication scores of 32 Indian couples. There was no control group, but over the course of the five-week training, couples showed significant improvement on these two outcome measures.</p> <p>You may not feel you need such an intervention to get along better with your carpool partner, but the basic principles of ECCP could prove translatable to a variety of situations involving communication, particularly when you feel stuck. With these findings in mind, let’s take a look at 10 ways that you can become a better communicator when your conversations hit a bump in the road.</p> <p><strong>1. Listen to what the other person is saying</strong></p> <p>If you’re <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201712/easy-ways-tell-whether-you-re-inadvertent-narcissist" target="_blank">too focused on what you should say next,</a></strong></span> you’ll miss opportunities to follow up on good talking points right in front of you. These could be areas of similarity between you and a person you’ve just met (such as having the same birthday), or lead-ins that your spouse provides which give you an opportunity to find out more. Either way, you’ll seem like someone who really has an interest in the other person, and you’ll also come up with further conversation topics.</p> <p><strong>2. Express yourself openly and honestly</strong></p> <p>People can sniff out insincerity pretty well, and if you’re covering up, they’ll feel less like confiding in you.</p> <p><strong>3. Avoid making judgments</strong></p> <p>No matter whether the person you’re talking to is your romantic partner or a relative stranger, if you come across as judgmental, the other person will feel less like confiding in you.</p> <p><strong>4. Look for obvious cues as conversation jumping-off points</strong></p> <p>People you don’t know that well may reveal features about their interests or background just by what they’re wearing. Someone wearing clothes with sport team logos gives you the opportunity to ask about their fan allegiance, which can make for interesting conversation if the team is from another city or country. Unusual or particularly artistic jewellery is another conversation-starter.</p> <p><strong>5. Stay on top of the news, and store some of it away so that you can chat about it later</strong></p> <p>You might not want to get into a serious political discussion with someone you hardly know, but some events from the national or local news can present interesting titbits. There certainly is plenty going on to provide rich fodder for conversation, as long as you steer clear of particularly sensitive topics.</p> <p><strong>6. Come up with an agenda</strong></p> <p>Just as meetings run more smoothly with a predetermined set of topics, your social conversations could benefit by similar planning. If you know you’ll be in the car with your carpool partner for an hour, think of three or four things you think would be fun to kick around. Similarly, with your romantic partner, planning a list of items you can cover at dinner could also keep the conversation alive.</p> <p><strong>7. Don’t be scared by silence</strong></p> <p>A quiet interlude in an otherwise lively conversation doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is doomed, or that you’ve become uninteresting. Sometimes a little break can give each of you a chance to refocus.</p> <p><strong>8. Note whether the other person would like to break off the conversation</strong></p> <p>To be a better conversation partner, you sometimes need to know when to close as well as to open. If people sense that you don’t know when to stop talking, whether it’s saying goodbye at the door or letting your partner get on to other tasks around the house, they’ll tend to stay away from getting entangled in what they’ll perceive as a tedious interaction.</p> <p><strong>9. Be careful about making jokes that will be perceived as insensitive</strong></p> <p>You and your partner likely have a somewhat broader range of potentially offensive topics that you can openly discuss than would you would with someone you hardly know. It’s much harder to back off from an unfortunate comment with people who aren't your closest friends or family members.</p> <p><strong>10. Use conversations with new people as practice for improving your skills</strong></p> <p>The ECCP intervention was focused on married couples, but its principles can be translated to a variety of less intense situations. Let’s say you’re seated next to someone you’ve never met at a dinner for supporters of a local cause. The chances are good that you already have things in common, so make it your goal to find out what they are, and let the conversation evolve around these solid talking points. Honing your abilities in this way will give you greater confidence to help other conversations flow in the future.</p> <p>Being able to keep the conversation going can certainly build the bonds between you and the people you care about the most. And if you’re trying to have an enjoyable evening with someone you’ve just met, these primers may lead to surprising outcomes that can broaden your fulfillment in unexpected ways.</p> <p><em>Written by Susan Krauss Whitbourne. Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Psychology Today</span></strong></a>.</em></p>

Relationships

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