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4 tips for looking after an injured partner

As hard as it can be to recover from an injury yourself, it can be just as difficult to watch your partner go through the same pain. Whether it’s a fall, a simple sprain, back pain or something more serious, there are lots of easy ways in which you can help them on their path to recovery. 1. Make your home more accessible If your partner’s injury affects their strength or ability to walk, you need to take a good look at your home and see what you can do to make mobility easier. Removing possible obstructions like plants and pieces of furniture is a good way to start. If you have any rugs, temporarily move them or at the very least ensure they are stuck down securely and won’t be able to trip anyone up. 2. Communicate Open up the path for communication with your partner and encourage them not to suppress what they’re feeling. People’s pride often prevents them from admitting they’re in pain, so make sure your partner knows how important it is to you that they are open and honest throughout their recovery. Plus, it’s always easier when you have a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to. 3. Keep them busy It’s easy for formerly active people to slip into depression when suddenly finding themselves stuck indoors. Therefore, it’s just as essential to look after their mental health as it is their physical health. Suggest ways they can keep themselves occupied and productive. Why not learn a language? There are hundreds of free educational apps and resources out there to keep your partner busy and maybe even teach them a new skill. 4. Treatment Stubborn partners can be a real pain to treat. First you have to get them to the doctor, then you have to make sure they’re actually going through with the treatment. However hard it may be, though, if your partner doesn’t receive immediate treatment, their condition could simply keep getting worse. Have you ever had to care for an injured partner? We’d love to hear your advice. Share your tips with us in the comments below. Image: Getty

Caring

Counting the costs of caregiving: Is there a better way forward?

Leah Ruppanner, Lecturer in Sociology, University of Melbourne and Georgiana Bostean, Assistant Professor of Environmental Science, Health and Policy, Chapman University, count the costs of caregiving. In Australia, the question of how to provide care for ageing family members is largely an individual one. Most care is provided by family members. In 2012, 2.7 million Australians were <a href="http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/mf/4430.0" target="_blank">providing</a> some type of informal (unpaid) family caregiving. Some are “sandwiched”, caring for children and older adults simultaneously. Yet caregiving is not shouldered equally by the entire population: women and minorities are much more likely to provide care. Those with <a href="http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/Lookup/5968BE956901DD79CA257D57001F4D89?opendocument" target="_blank">disabilities themselves</a> are also more likely to be primary dependent carers in Australia. These families are shouldering a high level of carework. Finally, moving family members into the home is often motivated by the <a href="http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/Lookup/12524494B6372EDFCA257D57001FA8C7?opendocument" target="_blank">poor quality of paid care</a>. This suggests that there are limited options in the market. These trends are mirrored in many countries – adult children in Europe are increasingly providing care as a substitute for formal care, and informal care is normative in the United States as well. All told, we have a “care-adox” in the Australia. People are living longer, yet the systems to provide care for older adults are informal and inadequate. Because family caregiving is embedded within broader family experiences, the answers to the social, political and ethical questions that caregiving raises are not simple. Caregiving can be a rewarding experience, providing a sense of meaning and fulfilment, and improve the relationship with the care recipient. In multigenerational households, the older adult may help ease childcare burdens. Importantly, caregiving can be <a href="http://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-1-4614-4776-4_3#page-1" target="_blank">stressful and damaging</a> to well-being. For example, it impairs immune function and accelerates immune system ageing. Caregiver experiences vary widely, but caregivers who experience chronic burden or stress tend to have the most severe health consequences. The ‘coercive caregiving’ phenomenon Research suggests that when people are expected to do something but do not have the resources to fulfil expectations, they experience health-harming role strain. Caregiving therefore should be most harmful to health when individuals are expected to provide care but lack the resources to do so effectively. In Australia, caregiving has historically fallen to women and ethnic minorities due to their social statuses. Individuals are thus <a href="http://ethnicstudies.berkeley.edu/faculty/profile.php?person=6" target="_blank">“coerced” into caregiving</a> through social norms and lack of institutional support. In these contexts, when alternate options are unavailable, women may step into caregiving roles despite lacking the support needed to fulfil those expectations. The gender bias in these experiences is clear. Caregiving daughters report <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8557205" target="_blank">greater depression</a>, but this is not the case for <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16960238" target="_blank">caregiving sons</a>. These studies suggest that coerced care can be damaging to caregivers’ well-being, particularly for female caregivers. We addressed these issues in our recent <a href="http://esr.oxfordjournals.org/content/30/5/655.short" target="_blank">research</a>. We asked whether caregivers in countries with greater societal “pressure” for informal family caregiving – in the form of strong social norms for familial care or limited public transfers for old-age programs – have lower well-being than caregivers in countries with weaker familial care norms and more old-age public transfers. We found substantial country variation in familial care norms – that is, people’s attitudes about whether care for ageing parents should be provided by adult children in-home. Support for familial care norms ranged from 4% in Sweden and the Netherlands to 59% in Poland and 74% in Turkey. Do country differences in familial care norms impact individual well-being? We expected that caregivers would report worse well-being in countries where caregiving was expected to be done in the home. We found, however, that only female caregivers suffer from stronger familial care norms. The extent of public transfers is also associated with female caregiver well-being. Female caregivers have worse well-being in countries with stronger norms for in-home familial care, and fewer public transfers to support ageing care. These findings suggest that women in countries where market or government subsidies for old-age care are not readily available may be more severely disadvantaged by caregiving responsibilities. This is consistent with previous research finding that female caregivers are more likely to be stressed, depressed, drop out of the labour force, and be sandwiched. The way forward That caregivers in ostensibly coercive contexts report worse well-being may reflect role strain, including a lack of financial, social, emotional or other resources. Consider what it takes to provide care, particularly long-term, for an older adult. In Australia, long-term care requires a complete reorganisation of a person’s family and employment patterns. With approximately 12% of the Australian population (and counting) providing care, the current system is unsustainable. As the burden of care and number of caregivers increase, so too will societal economic and health impacts. Middle-age adults who are beginning to experience their own health issues face compounding health effects of caregiving, leading to health problems earlier in life. This will certainly impact the health care system as the number of caregivers grows. But this bleak story can become one of hope. Two potential starting points include: <ul> <li>Broad policies to support caregivers through paid home care, community-care services, and more equitable sharing of care work in society; and</li> <li>Facilitation of a larger discussion about the difficulties of caregiving so that we have more realistic expectations.</li> </ul> Comprehensive policy changes would provide caregivers with more consistent support. Family policy and caregiving policy are intertwined, so extending family leave policies and adopting broader definitions of “family” will also address the needs of caregivers for all types of dependents. Caregivers provide a valuable service to their loved ones and to society. Providing support for them is a pressing social problem that demands broad policy action to break the chains of coerced care. There is no better time to begin planning for this immediate future. Do you agree with this advice? Written by Leah Ruppanner and Georgiana Bostean. Republished with permission of <a href="http://www.theconversation.com" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>.<img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/33181/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/>

Caring

4 things our ancestors can teach us about caregiving

Human life expectancy has <a href="https://ourworldindata.org/life-expectancy" target="_blank">come a long way</a> in an incredibly short amount of time, so you would be forgiven for thinking that the custom of caring for our elders is a similarly recent development in human culture. However, studies are showing that caring for the ageing members of society is something that humans have been doing for millennia. CaringNews.com explored the evidence and studies supporting this theory, and presented some pretty compelling things we can learn from our ancestors. 1. Caregiving is genetic Anthropologist Erik Trinkaus <a href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ajpa.1330570108/abstract" target="_blank">presented evidence</a> of the burial, some 50,000 years ago, of a Neandertal individual who not only had debilitating injuries, but lived with them for some time. According to Trinkaus, this individual has lost a forearm, suffered from a limp, and was deaf. Without help from their fellows, it would have been very difficult for this individual to survive. 2. People depended on their elders Despite their typical slowness and frailty, the older members of society still had much to offer – taking the time to pass down their knowledge. Those elders were regarded as experts in the day-to-day necessities of crafting weapons, telling edible plants from poisonous, and turning animal skins into clothing and bedding. Around 50,000 years ago, an increase in general human longevity is believed to have led to marked cultural advances for humans. 3. Caregiving is a virtue Ancient civilisations in China and Rome considered showing respect and caring for one’s elders was a mark of honour. Confucianism refers to this as filial piety. The idea that elders would regularly be sent to die alone on an ice floe is now regarded as a myth – an unthinkable action that would likely only have occurred in times of desperate need or hardship. 4. It takes a village In ancient times, when society was much less developed than today, humans needed to hunt and forage daily just to survive, meaning that the task of caring for elders and the injured was likely shared by those beyond the immediate family. How do you think caregiving will develop as human society progresses in the future?

Caring

3 tips for sharing caregiving responsibilities with siblings

On the one hand, we’re lucky – with medical and nutritional advancements, we’re afforded more time to spend with our parents. The flip side of that coin, however is that people who live longer are more likely to require care for a degenerative illness. Taking on the role of caregiver for the people who shepherded you from childhood can be conflicting and stressful, but if you find a way to work well with your siblings, you can relieve the pressure you feel, while ensuring your parents receive the best care possible. 1. Role play As an adult, spending time with family can often mean we slip into familiar roles we played as a child, even if we don’t realise it. Perhaps, as the youngest, your siblings treat you as immature or naïve; maybe you were studious in school, and are still expected to be a nerd. These roles are seldom created by the player, and are usually facilitated by a parent’s expectation. When you and your siblings come together to care for your parents, it’s important that you examine these roles and do your best to shake them off. You’re adults now – with adult responsibilities and concerns. 2. Communication is key Having open, honest lines of communication is vital when multiple people are sharing the role of caregiver. Especially when not everyone involved lives close by, things like group emails can be a great way to make sure everyone has exactly the same information available to them. This doesn’t stop at advice and updates provided by professionals – parents are often guilty of telling different things to siblings, not out of malice, but out of concern for who can best handle difficult information. Be frank with your siblings about what mum said to you when you asked her how her health was, and ask them to do the same. 3. Be compassionate When you act in the role of a caregiver, you usually have experience being compassionate. However, that compassion is likely extended to the one for whom you are caring, with less consideration for those alongside you. Caregiving can be exhausting – mentally, physically, and emotionally – and we all handle the responsibilities in different ways. It’s not up to us to pass judgement on how much our siblings contribute to the care of parents. If a sibling isn’t pulling their weight, in your opinion, then perhaps you could find time to have an open, honest conversation with them about the added pressure that puts on you and others. This conversation will give them the chance to show compassion for you, but also to express their own feelings, giving you the opportunity to better understand their own priorities, and the relationship they have with your parents’ condition. What’s one piece of advice you would give to someone sharing the role of caregiver with their siblings?

Caring

5 ways caregivers can combat depression

Caregivers are often seen as strong, stoic people, with much outside attention paid to the person for whom they care. But we know that, while possessing inexpressible strength, caregivers are also <a href="http://www.deakin.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0020/274520/Carers-lit-review.pdf" target="_blank">more likely to suffer from depression</a>. Some of the symptoms of depression include: <ul> <li>Feelings of sadness or hopelessness</li> <li>Loss of interest in most activities that bring pleasure – sports, hobbies, etc</li> <li>Change in appetite</li> <li>Anxiety or restlessness</li> <li>Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or failure</li> <li>Frequent or recurring thoughts of death and/or suicide</li> <li>Slowed thinking, speech, and movement</li> </ul> Recognising and naming depression in yourself can be a difficult and scary task, but once you have, the important next step is finding ways to look after yourself. Here are some ways you can combat depression as a caregiver. 1. Make time for you As much as caregiving can feel like a job that needs to be performed every hour of every day, that’s not a realistic expectation to set for yourself. Organise respite for yourself by asking for help from family or friends, or finding a local day care. Then use that time to do something that you love – see a movie, go out to dinner, go on a bushwalk, or just spend time in the garden. 2. Stronger together Never underestimate the value of having someone you can talk to who understands exactly what you’re going through. Find a support group, whether physical or online, that works for your situation. Communities will usually have support groups for caregivers, as well as for people suffering from depression. 3. Don’t be bullied by your thoughts That nasty little voice we all have inside of us can be infinitely louder for people suffering from depression. The voice, which often sounds like our own, will whisper things like, “you’re useless”. Training yourself to counter that voice is a good way to combat the feelings of negativity. Next time you hear that voice chime in, think to yourself, “I’m not useless – I’m doing something invaluable for someone I love because I am a strong, caring person.” 4. Keep a diary Writing down your thoughts can be therapeutic, as well as provide you with a useful tool when looking for patterns in your own behaviour and thoughts. Going back over your recollections can help you address behaviours and recognise scenarios that make you feel worse. Finding these triggers can help you avoid or eliminate them. 5. Speak to your doctor If you feel like your depression is too much for you to handle on your own, then it is important that you speak to a professional about it. Depression is an illness, and should be treated as such. It is not weakness to ask for help – it is brave. Your GP should be your first stop. They may have a specialist to whom they can refer you to see. Do you have other resources you use to cope as a caregiver? Share them in the comments.

Caring

Daughters carry the burden of parental care

If you ask around, you’ll probably find that more of your female friends have had to care for their ageing parents than your male friends. Why is this? That’s what a recent study from Princeton University set out to learn. “Sons provide a lower relative share of total parent care if they have a sister, whereas daughters provide a larger relative share if they have a brother,” sociology graduate student Angelina Grigoryeva found. “This finding suggests sons may pass on parent-care responsibilities to their sisters.” Grigoryeva believes this may be due to society’s tendency to raise girls to become caregivers and homemakers, however the gender divide is even stronger in caring for elderly relatives than other responsibilities. “Gender inequality in elder care is more pronounced than in housework or child care,” she said. However, the divide may be due to another reason entirely – the traditional beliefs of a generation who grew up in a society where women were expected to always take on the caregiver role. “It is possible that elderly women in need of care resist the caregiving efforts of sons,” Grigoryeva explained. Postdoctoral fellow Marina Bastawrous from the University of Toronto agreed, telling <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/news/when-parents-need-care-daughters-carry-the-burden-study-says/" target="_blank">CBS</a> her own research found this to be true. “[Daughters] took on the caregiving role because they were the only female sibling and, in turn, their brother or brothers wouldn't do it,” she said. “On the other hand, daughters who had female siblings often talked about a more even distribution of responsibilities.” According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics’ <a href="http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/Lookup/4430.0main+features402015" target="_blank">2015 Survey on Disability, Ageing and Carers</a>, women accounted for 68.1 per cent of primary carers, and among people aged 55 to 64, the number of female primary carers was double that of men. There’s also a divide in the caregiving duties carried out by men and women. “Women play a greater role than men in helping with personal and daily tasks, while men (except for spouses) more often undertake occasional help, such as doing repairs, putting together items like furniture, or installing equipment in the home,” <a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?id=5lYuG4lV36MC&pg=PA71&lpg=PA71&dq=%22Women+play+a+greater+role+than+men+in+helping+with+personal+and+daily+tasks%22&source=bl&ots=HyV2EwWkWp&sig=zAUym85BBNY83TTZfW5sygpsa6E&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjG2sLYpvPTAhVThbwKHcYVCi0Q6AEIJTAA#v=onepage&q=%22Women%20play%20a%20greater%20role%20than%20men%20in%20helping%20with%20personal%20and%20daily%20tasks%22&f=false" target="_blank">writes Bittman et al</a>. Have you noticed this gender divide between sons and daughters caring for their ageing parents? Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

Caring

Things to remind yourself after a long day of caregiving

Being a caregiver can be a trying role. It is rarely something people are prepared for when the call comes, nevertheless, countless everyday heroes rise to the challenge of providing care for someone they love. When taking on this new role, it can be jarring just how much the life or a carer changes as focus shifts from primarily looking after their own life, to primarily looking after another’s. Despite this change, the American Psychological Association <a href="http://www.apa.org/pi/about/publications/caregivers/faq/positive-aspects.aspx" target="_blank">reports</a> that 83 per cent of caregivers viewed it as being a positive experience. Their findings also highlight, however, that carers will often experience “both positive experiences and some strain simultaneously”. With this in mind, we’re going to take a look at some things to remind yourself of, as a caregiver, if you ever feel that the strain is outweighing the good. You are there We are often called upon to give care for someone who can no longer take care of themselves because of age and/or degenerative disease. In instances such as this, it’s important to remember that, as a caregiver, you are being there for your charge as they face a difficult time. For many, this is the final stage of their life, and having someone by their side will help temper the fear they may feel. They may not acknowledge it with words, but your act of love will be gratefully received by the one for whom you care. Special moments For those who have someone in their life who needs care, it can be difficult to notice the special little moments. But as a caregiver, those tiny glimmers can make a bad day, week, or month worth all the effort. If you’re a caregiver, you no doubt love when these unexpected moments happen – whatever form they take – so cherish them, remember them, and hold them tight in your heart when things feel difficult. You make a difference It can be easy to forget that being a caregiver is about making a very real difference in the life of another person. But it’s so important to remember that what you are doing is changing someone else’s life for the better. Your sacrifice, your hard work, they add up to a better life for someone you love. To you, what’s the most rewarding aspect of being a caregiver?

Caring

Is it ever ok to lie as a caregiver?

No matter how honest and truthful you may believe yourself to be, the fact is, everyone has told at least one lie in their life. Whether it’s something small like, “I don’t remember you asking me to take the bins out,” or a much more serious betrayal like cheating on a partner, we’re all guilty of being dishonest from time to time. When it comes to caregiving, however, is it ever ok to tell a lie? According to a survey of more than 700 carers by <a href="https://www.agingcare.com/articles/why-caregivers-lie-157559.htm" target="_blank">AgingCare.com</a>, 73 per cent of people taking care of ageing family members have lied to them – and 43 per cent admit they fib at least once a week. So, what are they lying about? For many, it’s all about concealing how they really feel. “65 percent of frequent fibbers say that they tell untruths in order to hide their real emotions from the ones they're taking care of,” the survey found. And, given the vast array of emotions (both <a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/" target="_blank">negative</a> and positive) that caregiving can evoke, it’s not exactly surprising. However, it turns out lying to the person being cared for isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. Researchers have found that “therapeutic lying,” <a href="http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/forensic-psychiatry/therapeutic-lying-contradiction-terms" target="_blank">defined</a> as “the practice of deliberately deceiving patients for reasons considered in their best interest,” may be beneficial when communicating with sufferers of neurodegenerative conditions like dementia. “While therapeutic fibbing isn’t appropriate for every circumstance, when used correctly, it offers a much kinder, practical way to stop troubling behaviour and reduce emotional distress,” Dr Amy D’Aprix writes in a column for <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-amy-d/white-lies-when-fibbing-is-therapeutic_b_3381458.html" target="_blank">The Huffington Post</a>. That being said, however, Dr D’Aprix admits there are some situations in which you should avoid lying – even it if it’ll make your loved one feel better. “It’s not appropriate to tell a therapeutic fib because “the truth will hurt.” In these instances, it denies someone their full human experience. So, when a woman with dementia loses her husband, she’s entitled to know. It may cause significant emotional pain, but grieving is part of the human experience. On the other hand, when therapeutic fibbing positively impacts health and well-being, it’s very useful.” Are you a caregiver? Have you ever used “therapeutic lying” as a method of calming your loved one down? Share you experiences with us in the comments below.

Caring

Moving on from caregiving after your loved one dies

Any death is heartbreaking, but the death of someone you’ve cared for can be particularly difficult to cope with. When someone passes away after weeks, months, years of devoting your time to their care, it’s only natural to think, “what now?” Aside from the normal grieving process, there’s the added factor of a feeling of emptiness – after all, this person accounted for so much of your time. Many caregivers can find themselves feeling lost, as though they no longer have a purpose, but really, the opposite is true. At the time of loss, you might not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s important to keep in mind that after you’ve done your grieving, you’ll finally have time to look after yourself and do what you love. First, however, you must come to terms with your loved one’s death. Here are three simple tips to help you do just that. <ol> <li>Get support – it’s hard to admit you need help. It’s even harder to follow through with it. However, having a strong support network is the most important tool you can have when coping with grief. From friends and family to therapists and community groups, there are countless people out there who are happy to help you, even if it may not seem that way now. To learn more, read our tips on how you can meet new people over 60 both <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/03/websites-to-help-you-make-friends/" target="_blank">online</a> or in the <a href="/health/caring/2016/04/ways-to-make-friends-when-youre-60-plus/" target="_blank">real world</a>.</li> <li>Move on from your guilt – sadly, guilt is one of the <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/" target="_blank">most common feelings</a> experienced by caregivers, and most of the time it’s completely unfounded – of course, that doesn’t mean it’s any less painful. You may also be feeling relieved, and kicking yourself for it. Don’t. It’s completely natural to feel relieved that your loved one is no longer in pain. Gary Bradt, author of Put Your Mask on First: The Caregiver’s Guide to Self-Care, <a href="http://www.nextavenue.org/move-caregiving-parent-dies/" target="_blank">advises</a> carers to “try to accept your feelings for what they are — common human reactions to difficult life circumstances.”</li> <li>Care for yourself – for those who have had to care for another, caring for yourself can feel like a foreign concept. However, it’s a completely necessary one. Whether it’s your mind or body that’s calling out for some TLC, now’s the time to do so. If alone time is what you need, book a spa day, go for a long walk or immerse yourself in a great book. If you’d rather not be by yourself, enlist a friend for a shopping day, short road trip or even just a coffee. Anything you can do to take your mind off the loss will help you recover quicker.</li> </ol> Have you had to deal with the loss of a loved one you cared for? How did you cope? Share your tips with us in the comments below – you never know, your experience might be exactly what someone else needs to hear. Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/09/how-to-get-the-best-hospital-care/">How to get the best hospital care</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/09/8-surprising-things-that-increase-life-expectancy/">8 surprising things that increase life expectancy</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/09/tips-to-cope-with-losing-independence-with-age/">Tips to cope with losing independence with age</a>

Caring

3 things every carer needs

Caregiving for a loved one is one of the most selfless and challenging journeys a person can embark on, but it can also be incredibly rewarding. However, with <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/" target="_blank">so many carers</a> experiencing stress, anxiety and even resentment, it’s vital to ensure the caregiver themselves is cared for. Here are three essentials every carer should have. Time Anyone who’s had to dedicate their lives to the care of another will know just how time- and energy-consuming it can be – especially if you’re going it alone. Finding the time to look after yourself isn’t always easy, but it’s absolutely necessary in order to maintain your physical and mental health. After all, your loved is relying on you. Each day, take just ten minutes of meditation time. Ten minutes of quietly sitting and clearing your mind of all thoughts is all it takes to drastically improve your sleeping habits, lower stress levels and heart disease risk, relieve pain, boost your productivity and improve relationships, <a href="http://www.mydomainehome.com.au/health-benefits-of-ten-minute-meditation/" target="_blank">studies show</a>. You should also give yourself at least one day a month that’s <a href="/health/mind/2016/07/what-over60s-get-up-to-in-their-spare-time/" target="_blank">all about you</a> – pampering, indulging and relaxing. If getting even one day is difficult, ask a loved one to take over for just a few hours or consider hiring a part-time carer. You may be surprised to learn how easy and affordable<a href="/health/caring/2016/04/tips-to-for-finding-short-term-carer-help/" target="_blank"></a> it can be. Support You devote days, weeks, months and even years to looking after your loved one, but who looks after you? It can be all too easy to get so deeply invested in being a carer that you forget that you yourself need care, too. We all need someone to vent to, to cry and laugh with. And, as important as it is to maintain relationships with friends and family, it might be useful to connect with others who can truly understand what you’re going through – because they’re going through it as well. Contacting your local carer’s support group could be exactly what you need. Carers New Zealand have groups located all over the country, offering confidential and constructive support. <a href="http://www.carers.net.nz/services-support" target="_blank">Click here</a> to learn more about the groups available near you. Distraction When it all gets too much, we need something to take our minds off caregiving and focus on something completely fun and mindless. Whether it’s watching your favourite TV show, kicking back with a book, playing a game on your phone or going for a nice long walk, distraction is often the best solution – at least in the short-term. Make the most of your free time by exploring <a href="/lifestyle/retirement-life/2016/04/5-new-hobbies-to-try-now/" target="_blank">new hobbies</a>, <a href="/lifestyle/retirement-life/2016/05/free-online-resources-for-education/" target="_blank">learning a new skill</a>, <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/03/websites-to-help-you-make-friends/" target="_blank">meeting new people</a> or just spending some <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/you-shouldnt-feel-guilty-prioritising-yourself/" target="_blank">quality time alone</a>. Tell us in the comments below, are you a carer? What do you like to do in your “me” time after a long day of caregiving? Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/09/how-to-get-the-best-hospital-care/">How to get the best hospital care</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/09/8-surprising-things-that-increase-life-expectancy/">8 surprising things that increase life expectancy</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/09/tips-to-cope-with-losing-independence-with-age/">Tips to cope with losing independence with age</a>

Caring

Driving with dementia

When is the right time to stop driving? It’s a question <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/when-to-stop-driving/" target="_blank">we’ve asked before</a>, but how about when dementia is a factor? That’s what aged care expert <a href="http://www.profjoe.com.au/" target="_blank">Professor Joseph E. Ibrahim</a> from Monash University set out to explore in his video “Driving with Dementia”. In it, he recounts the story of a newly-diagnosed Alzheimer’s patient whom he convinces to stop driving, only to find it doesn’t quite work out the way he’d hoped. “This animated video addresses the myriad of complex issues involved in assessing whether a person with dementia is fit to drive,” Professor Ibrahim <a href="http://www.profjoe.com.au/all-cases-list/driving-with-dementia/" target="_blank">said</a>. “We hope that it will engage the audience and generate discussion amongst the general public and health professionals to help us all be better informed.” Have you ever been in this situation before with a loved one? Share your experience with us in the comments below. Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/when-to-stop-driving/">The right time for elderly loved ones to stop driving</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/09/tips-to-cope-with-losing-independence-with-age/">Tips to cope with losing independence with age</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/08/new-invention-prevents-dementia-patients-wandering-off/">New invention prevents dementia patients wandering off</a>

Caring

Smart wheelchair enables terminally ill patients to visit beach

When we think abstractly of what we want our final days to be like, many of us turn to thoughts of family, friends, our favourite foods and visiting our favourite places. For a long time, that final wish was unable to be fulfilled due to limitations in wheelchair technology. Today, however, that’s all changed. A Gold Coast palliative care facility has been gifted four all-terrain wheelchairs (worth $50,000) to help terminally ill patients live out their final days with joy, enabling them to once more visit the beaches they used to love. Before he was diagnosed with motor neuron disease, 65-year-old Tony Lambert enjoyed few things more than a stroll along Main Beach with his family. Unfortunately, after losing the use of his arms and legs to the disease, this was no longer a possibility. “He just [sat] on the boardwalk and [watched] his family enjoy that time on the beach without him,” Gold Coast Health Community Palliative Care team leader Julie-Ann Hendry told <a href="http://www.sbs.com.au/topics/life/health/article/2016/06/17/how-clever-wheelchair-helping-terminally-ill-patients-rediscover-beach" target="_blank">SBS</a>. Today, though, things have taken a positive turn. Thanks to the “beach wheelchair”, Lambert can finally return to some normality. “This has meant so much to me – I’ve had my swimmers ready for weeks,” he said. “Just being down here, to smell the beach, feel the sand, is great. It means we can be a family again, being together [at the beach] instead of all spread out.” In addition to the two owned by the local council, there are only six of these special wheelchairs available along the Gold Coast for use among up to 1,000 palliative care patients. Hendry hopes that Lambert’s story will inspire other councils to purchase the chairs, making them available at every beach club in Australia. “If we can replicate this across hundreds of thousands of surf clubs, it would just really help people going through really tough times,” she said. Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/07/poem-captures-the-heartache-of-losing-a-loved-one/">Poem captures the heartache of losing a loved one</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/06/caring-for-someone-with-a-terminal-illness/">Caring for someone with a terminal illness</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/06/stigma-keeping-cancer-patients-from-palliative-care/">Cancer patients are not getting palliative care due to stigma</a>

Caring

16 things I would want, if I get dementia

Rachael Wonderlin is the director of Memory Care at Blue Harbour Senior Living in the US. She has been working with the elderly since the age of 15 and has eight years’ experience as a carer for dementia patients. When you work in dementia care, people tend to ask you a lot of questions. Probably one of the most common questions that I hear is, “Are you afraid to get dementia when you’re older?” Honestly, there are many things that scare me much more than dementia does. Don’t get me wrong: dementia is a terrible group of diseases. I've been fortunate, however, to see many of the beautiful moments that people with dementia can experience. Just in case I do get dementia, I've written a list of rules I’d like to live by. If I get dementia, I’d like my family to hang this wish list up on the wall where I live. If I get dementia… <ol> <li>If I get dementia, I want my friends and family to embrace my reality. If I think my spouse is still alive, or if I think we’re visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things. I’ll be much happier for it.</li> <li>If I get dementia, I don’t want to be treated like a child. Talk to me like the adult that I am. </li> <li>If I get dementia, I still want to enjoy the things that I’ve always enjoyed. Help me find a way to exercise, read, and visit with friends. </li> <li>If I get dementia, ask me to tell you a story from my past. </li> <li>If I get dementia, and I become agitated, take the time to figure out what is bothering me. </li> <li>If I get dementia, treat me the way that you would want to be treated. </li> <li>If I get dementia, make sure that there are plenty of snacks for me in the house. Even now if I don’t eat I get angry, and if I have dementia, I may have trouble explaining what I need. </li> <li>If I get dementia, don’t talk about me as if I’m not in the room. </li> <li>If I get dementia, don’t feel guilty if you cannot care for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s not your fault, and you’ve done your best. Find someone who can help you, or choose a great new place for me to live. </li> <li>If I get dementia, and I live in a dementia care community, please visit me often. </li> <li>If I get dementia, don’t act frustrated if I mix up names, events, or places. Take a deep breath. It’s not my fault. </li> <li>If I get dementia, make sure I always have my favourite music playing within earshot. </li> <li>If I get dementia, and I like to pick up items and carry them around, help me return those items to their original places. </li> <li>If I get dementia, don't exclude me from parties and family gatherings. </li> <li>If I get dementia, know that I still like receiving hugs or handshakes. </li> <li>If I get dementia, remember that I am still the person you know and love.</li> </ol> To read more from Rachael, <a href="http://www.dementia-by-day.com/" target="_blank">click here</a>. First appeared on <a href="http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/2014/12/16-things-i-would-want-if-i-get-dementia.html" target="_blank">Alzheimer’s Reading Room</a>. Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/poem-captures-pain-of-alzheimers/">Beautiful poem captures the pain of Alzheimer’s</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/this-mobile-game-is-helping-fight-dementia/">This mobile game is helping fight dementia</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/alzheimers-patient-recognises-daughter/">The moment an Alzheimer’s patient recognises daughter</a>

Caring

Young and old live together in harmony in Dutch aged care home

Could you imagine living with a group of university students in your old age? It might sound strange, but intergenerational living is changing lives in this Dutch aged care home. Together, these students and their elderly companions are learning, living and, most importantly, having fun – despite the 60-odd age gap. The Humanitas aged care home in Deventer in the Netherlands offers rent-free accommodation to six students in return for 30 hours a month of socialisation with the home’s residents. Watch the video above to see how the arrangement is solving both the student housing crisis and improving the lives of otherwise lonely aged care patients. What do you think about this program? Would it work here in New Zealand? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below. Video: Dateline / SBS Related links: <a href="/news/news/2016/07/89-year-old-uses-computer-course-to-connect-with-family/">89-year-old becomes tech-savvy master to connect with family across the globe</a> <a href="/news/news/2016/07/grandparents-share-secrets-to-a-happy-marriage/">Grandparents share their adorable 5 secrets to a happy marriage</a> <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/07/nursing-homes-are-helping-residents-find-love/">Nursing homes are helping residents find love</a>

News

How to care for ageing parents from far away

When you live far away from an ageing parent, visiting them regularly can be expensive and time-consuming. As a result, relationships can become fractured and resentment can grow. Therefore, as our parents enter their 80s and beyond, it’s more important than ever to ensure the channels of communication are open and strong. Thankfully, it’s never been easier to maintain contact and offer support to loved ones when distance is a factor. Establish links with members of their local community Whether they’re still living at home or have moved to an aged care facility, it’s essential to make and maintain contact with your parents’ friends, doctors, health care professionals and other community members. Our parents always have a tend to downplay things, so having an outside opinion is a great way to ensure you know what’s really going on. Get help Sometimes it simply isn’t feasible to uproot your life and move thousands of kilometres away to be with your parents, even if you feel like they need help. If this is the case, consider asking one of their friends to help out with small tasks, or, if they need more help around the house, it might be a good idea to engage a cleaning service once a week. If it’s clear that they are beginning to struggle with personal care, consider hiring a professional carer. While this isn’t necessarily cheap, they can be employed on a casual basis and won’t set you back nearly as much as if you moved over to help your parents yourself. Take advantage of technology Thanks to the ubiquity of smartphones, tablets, computers and wireless internet, there’s no excuse for not staying in contact with your loved ones. It’s always a good idea to teach your parents the basics of using these technologies, or have someone in their local community give them some pointers. Knowing that you’re just a call – or video call! – away will be very reassuring. Take every opportunity to see them It’s not always realistic to think you’ll be able to visit your parents regularly. So, make sure you take advantage of every opportunity to do so. Holidays, birthdays and other special occasions are a fantastic excuse for a big family get together. You’ll notice how much more treasured these occasions will become to you and your family given that they occur less often. As they say, “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Do you live far away from your parents? Tell us in the comment section below, how do you look after them from a distance? Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/06/18-great-quotes-about-ageing/">18 great quotes about ageing</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/ageing-tips-for-singles/">Navigating the path of ageing as a single</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/">The 4 negative feelings every caregiver experiences</a>

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