5 signs not to introduce your partner to your loved ones
John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship psychologist, as seen on the hit show Married At First Sight, and on Channel 9’s Today show, Today Extra and A Current Affair. He is a bestselling author, regularly appears on radio and in magazines, and runs a private practice in Sydney.
Dating is a process of sifting through the wrong ones to get to the right one. It’s a game of elimination, whereby you either rule them out or they decide you’re not the one. However at some stage, there’ll come a time when you meet a new date and both of you feel a chemistry! There’s a joint level of attraction, a compatibility, and an easy fit.
At this point, you then have to consider whether or not you want them to meet your friends?
It’s an important stage of your new relationship, and one that requires some careful thought. Introduce them too quickly, and you may come across as desperate and clingy. Delay it too long and you send a message that you’re scared of commitment. So when is the best time to introduce your new date to your mates?
Generally speaking, you need to give yourself enough time to get a feel for their character. Spend at least a month dating them and observing how they react in different settings. There’s no rush here. Do your homework and get a sense of their overall compatibility with you.
Throughout this time, pay particular attention to the following warning signs. If you see these red flags, then it’s best that you avoid introducing them to your friends, as it’s only a matter of time before your new relationship starts to fizzle out.
- They embarrass you – If you can’t be yourself around this person, and you have to walk on egg shells because they embarrass you then forget it. Your friends aren’t going to be impressed.
- They don’t have long-term potential – If you don’t see a long-term relationship with this new date then what’s the point? Enjoy the ride, but keep your friends away.
- They have a negative outlook on life – If your new date tends to look at life with a glass half empty, and complains all the time, then they don’t need to meet your friends. They’re only going to be draining and bring the whole vibe down.
- They have a temper – Any date that has problems controlling their anger isn’t going to have what it takes to make you feel safe and secure. No need to let your friends see this side to them, it’s going to turn them off.
- They aren’t trustworthy – If you don’t feel like this person is dependable, reliable and honest, then don’t bother. Your friends aren’t going to trust them either and it’s not going to work out in the long run.