Tue, 22 Nov, 2016
How to overcome your fear of dating after 60
Dorrie Jacobson, 81, an internationally recognised expert on ageing stylishly, writes for her popular website Senior Style Bible. She also writes about senior sexuality and her experiences with online dating as an older woman.
Before venturing back onto the dating scene, it’s important to make sure that you’re in the right head space. What does that mean? It means letting go of the fear of being hurt, because if we’re honest with ourselves, fear is one of the major things that is preventing us from dating again.
Facing up to, and conquering our fears can be very difficult. A lot of women are hesitant to get back into the dating scene because of a few past disasters. As a result, perhaps you are afraid to trust men and are wary of being hurt again. It’s completely understandable that once we’ve been burnt, we try to avoid a replay. However, avoiding relationships because of the hurtful actions of another person is punishing yourself, not them. I think this mindset has the potential to become a massive roadblock that prevents us from really living.
Certainly, there are exceptions. If you are living alone, and truly happy and content with your life, that’s fantastic, and this topic does not apply to you. However, if you have chosen to be alone because of a negative past experience, then it’s time to do some soul searching and find a way to let go of those old feelings. I truly believe that anger and resentment only serve to hold us back. Sometimes we need to forgive those who truly don’t deserve forgiveness in order to release ourselves from their attachment, and move forward with our lives.
At the end of the day, it’s impossible to get what you want without taking some risks, and I won’t lie, dating is risky. There are no guarantees that you’re going to find the man of your dreams, but I can guarantee that you definitely won’t if you don’t at least try. I get it. Putting yourself out there is scary. Starting all over is a daunting prospect and the process of getting to know someone new all over again seems exhausting. That’s fear talking. Those are excuses. That’s the story we tell ourselves when we’re afraid.
The truth is we can’t replace a lost love, and we shouldn’t try. Dating is about being open to the possibility of meeting someone new. What that evolves into is completely up to you. I can tell you that once you adjust your attitude and look at it as a fun way to get to know people, all of the fear evaporates into thin air. It only seems like a hassle when you put a bunch of unrealistic hopes, dreams and expectations onto dating. So don’t do that. Then it becomes a job and there’s nothing less sexy than dating someone who is treats a date like a job interview. The operative word here is “fun.” It’s impossible to be scared when you’re having fun, ladies. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to head off on a date.