Food & Wine

Mon, 10 Sep, 2018Basmah Qazi

Fish and chips shop owner’s hilarious responses to negative online reviews

Fish and chips shop owner’s hilarious responses to negative online reviews

Most of the time, a negative review can be a real downer for business owners – but one fish and chips shop owner decided to use his quick wit to respond to the unsatisfied customers in the most hilarious fashion.

The Bunker fish and chip shop in the English seaside village of Seahouses is known by many as the best chip shop in the entire village.

But while business is booming, co-owner Rod White tends to receive the odd negative comment here and there via TripAdvisor and Google, and always determined, Mr White has fired back with his own responses.

His witty comments have garnered popularity, with Mr White now having fans of his own – and some, visiting the chip shop to meet the man for themselves.

One review complained about the lack of gluten-free options, and that the fish was covered in grease, to which Mr White responded: “Your comments are duly noted sir and from now on we shall be frying our fish and chips in daffodil extract.

“Once cooked, the fish will spend 5 minutes in a tumble drier, while at the same time, staff member X will be blow drying the chips, with one of those Dyson hair dryers, you know the one that doesn’t even look like a hair dryer? until there is no sign of grease whatsoever.

“Then, and only then, will the plate of Atlantic cod and Northumbrian chipped potatoes be presented to our customers.”

One customer complained about the price for chips and mushy peas, to which Mr White responded: “We take note that you and your nine friends won’t be visiting here in the future and will take this into account when preparing next year’s budget forecasts.”

Another complained about the long wait for his food, and that the chips were “greasy and soft”, the fish “dry” and the portions “miserably small”. To which Mr White issued a lengthy response, where he offered a chip colour chart for his servers to consult.

He wrote: “Each customer will be asked when placing their order, exactly what shade of chip they’d prefer. After pointing to a chip chart at the back of the shop, our fryer can then leave each separate customer’s chips in frying, until they reach their particular favourite shade.

“That way, there’ll be no worry that customers, like your good self sir, will be going away with chips of the wrong hue. Absolutely brilliant, even if I say so myself.

“So, let me thank you again for taking time out of your busy schedule to moan in length about the catastrophe that happened in your day.

“I hope you’ve managed to calm down now, got a good night’s sleep, and can get on with the rest of your disaster-filled life without too much worry. Anyway, must dash, got a chip chart to prepare.”

Mr White, who co-owns the business with his brother-in-law, doesn’t have an explanation as to why he signs his responses with “Lionel Blair” or “Montgomery Applegate” but has said that the comments are a result of “exasperation".

“You deal with hundreds of people a day and you cannot please everybody,” he said.