On board Queen Victoria's exclusive cruise
There's a slight problem as we wait to enter Britannia, the plush restaurant spread over decks two and three of the Queen Victoria cruise ship.
It seems several of our party are sartorially challenged in that we are not sporting jackets and one of us is, gasp, wearing a short-sleeved shirt.
There are standards to be upheld, it seems.
In the end it is explained, in hushed tones, that we are media, on board for a two-night Melbourne-Sydney preview of what the 2016/17 season might hold.
This is not in an effort to get special treatment.
Instead, it is whispered in the voice you use to apologise for your toddler and his failure to read the pre-boarding literature.
That literature, by the way, explains the "informal" dress code thus: "Jacket required, tie optional for gentlemen, cocktail dress, stylish separates or equivalent for ladies.
After 6pm shorts and blue or worn denim (for men and women); sandals and sleeveless tops (for men) are not considered appropriate within the ship."
There's more but you get the drift; the Queen Victoria's nod to the 21st century is "tie optional".
The maitre d' finally agrees to let us in just this once, though from his expression – he looks like a chihuahua chewing a chilli — he is not happy.
Still, crisis averted we head through the stunning two-floor restaurant under the baleful glares of several (jacketed) guests appalled at our overly casual appearance.
This is by no means a complaint. It is simply an anecdote to give an idea of what to expect on board the Queen Victoria.
It's what James Cusick, Cunard's Hotel general manager, calls the Downton Abbey effect – the increasing number of cruisers who "like the formality, like the white gloves at afternoon tea", who want the jacket and collared shirt rule, who like tradition and yearn for the days of politesse, elegance, grace and dress codes.
This, after all, is a ship of white-gloved waiters, staff in immaculate uniforms, of afternoon tea, bridge clubs, ballroom dancing and two seatings (6pm and 8.30pm) for dinner.
None of this freestyle "lob-up-any-time-you-like" jeans and T-shirts lark that holds sway on some of the more informal cruise ships.
The Queen Victoria set off on its maiden voyage on December 11, 2007, joining sister ships the Queen Mary 2 and the Queen Elizabeth in Cunard's royal trilogy. It's actually hard to believe it's that new.
From the outside it looks like your common-or-garden beautiful cruise ship – all sweeping bow and sleek lines bristling up top with up-to-the-minute technological gee-gaws – but inside it's a different matter.
To step inside is to step back to a gentler, more tender, more civilised age. The 1920s or 1930s, perhaps.
The public areas look like the only things missing are Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple sticking their noses into the two-storey library with its spiral wooden staircase or sleuthing around in the Champagne Bar and the heady fug of the Cigar Lounge.
There's wood – lots of wood – and marble and brass and chandeliers and bevelled mirrors all done in the classic art deco fashion epitomising, as it did then and this grand ship does now, luxury, glamour, high spirits and faith in technological progress.
Doesn’t the Queen Victoria sound incredible? Have you ever cruised with this ship, and could you see yourself doing so in the future?
Let us know in the comments.
First appeared on Stuff.co.nz.
Related links:
Incredible images of a beach villa-style cruise liner
Family band together to give grandmother trip of a lifetime
12 things you have to know about river cruises