What does it mean to grow old?
Ray Thomas left his family farm in South Australia when he was in his 20s and moved to New Zealand. He has always loved writing short stories and watching sport. He married an amazing woman 16 years ago and they both retired three years ago. They love family life, travelling, spending time in their large garden and fostering young children.
“May you pursue your future dreams with ambition and determination.”
“It’s not retirement – just a long weekend”.
“It’s time to stop watching the clock”.
“It’s the time in your life to stop and see what’s new”.
These are all interesting quotes I found in a book when thinking about retirement and growing old.
With advances in modern technology, and as we become more aware about health awareness issues, more of us are growing old.
How “old” is old though?
In my early teenage years, I probably would have answered mid-30s. In my mid-30s the answer would have been mid-60s. Now aged in my mid-60s, I don’t consider that to be “old”.
Growing old, I have realised is not defined by any particular number, and apart from becoming 65 when you become eligible for government superannuation, is of very little significance.
Sometimes, the decisions (financial) we make in our younger, working lives can determine the type of lifestyle we will be able to enjoy as we grow old. In some instances, ill health prevents us from growing old, which, when it happens to younger vibrant people seems quite unfair.
Like a large number of people, I closely follow most sports. In recent years, a large number of us were saddened at the early death of the great All Black rugby player Jonah Lomu and more recently, the untimely death of an ex-Silver Fern netball player Tania Dalton, and there are other sports people that I could mention.
All of them, fantastic young people, great role models for younger people, people with young families, with their lives before them, cut down in their prime, with so much to look forward to, and great losses to the communities at large… so very sad. Unlike us, they will not be able to grow old.
In my teenage years, I was young and carefree with not a care in the world, growing up on the family farm in rural South Australia. All of our friends and neighbours went to the same primary and high school together. During the weekends we either played sports, or with packed lunches supplied by our mothers, would ride our bikes for miles along the dirt, country roads in the district. We were all farmers so we knew how to drive tractors and all other vehicles, long before we started high school.
Being the 1950s and early 60s, there was a huge demand for most primary industries, especially wheat, barley, meat and wool. As a result, most farmers had new and modern cars and machinery and usually went on family holidays together. Most of the time you married someone from the district and took over the family farm, and the parents retired and lived close-by in a small country town.
If farming was not for you, then there were all types of jobs readily available in local towns and because unemployment virtually did not exist, high school degrees were not required. Large extended family gatherings were quite common, with numerous cousins, aunties and uncles and sometimes grandparents. Grandparents were the family members who always gave us money for birthdays and Christmas, for no special reason, who always walked slower than us, who sometimes wore glasses or had a hearing aid.
In those days, we went to town on a weekly basis, for grocery shopping, music lessons, pay bills and visit my father’s parents. I remembered their old, two-storied, solid stone home with small windows, and it always smelt musty. Grandpa was a tall muscular man, with thinning grey hair. Many years previously, he had had an accident and as a result had lost an eye, which had been replaced with a “glass eye”. It looked a little different and we were never sure which eye we should be looking at. Grandma was quite short with long silver/grey hair which was always done into a tight bun at the back of her head.
Sometimes while sitting in the car, it was interesting to observe people. School children were usually walking in large groups in their school uniforms talking and laughing with not a care in the world.
Then there were the working people. Farmers were easy to recognise by the clothes they wore, and their deeply sun-tanned faces and arms. They just had “the look” of a life spent outdoors.
Men dressed in ties and suits, what did they do? They were probably bank managers or lawyers or some kind of “pen pushers” as they didn’t like they could spend hours sitting on a tractor in the blazing sun or working in a shearing shed. Women dressed in their high heels and wearing make-up probably did some kind of office work.
Then there were the “oldies”, with their silver/grey hair, body slightly stooped, as they slowly shuffled along the foot-path. Sometimes there would be an elderly couple together which looked “cute”. They were probably a couple who had been married for at least 40 years. It never occurred to me that one day I would growing old be like.
Now I am in my 30s. Most of us are married with children of our own, and working to pay off the mortgage. Money is “tight” so we can’t afford any luxuries. I would like to be able to take the family away on a holiday, but right now, that is not possible. If I had extra cash, then I know I should be putting money aside for when I grow old, but unfortunately I have higher priorities.
I go into town and sometimes find it interesting to observe people. The school children look scruffy in their uniforms. Many are smoking and using foul language and words I have never heard before, which I would never allow my children to use. Apparently, various kinds of drugs are part of the problem, but I don’t know anything about that. Most of them are not interested in playing sports, as they prefer to stay inside watching videos or computer games. They seem to lack motivation.
I see people my own age, many of whom I went to school with. They don’t look happy, and probably like me are worried about their financial problems. With the amount of hours they are expected to work, is no doubt putting real pressure on their family lives together. Many marriages have failed, because of those pressures, and infidelities.
It would seem to me, that if young people were brought up in strong, loving, supportive families they have been able to use them as ideal, reliable role models, then those people have survived. Unfortunately, they appear to be in the minority.
The “oldies” are now my parent’s generation. Many of my friends have lost one of their parents due to cancer, or some other medical problem. The remaining parent is unable to care for themselves in their own homes, either because of medical or financial reasons, which places a huge strain on other family members. My own mother has cancer and doesn’t have long to live. I wonder how dad will cope without her.
Now I am in my mid-60s and recently retired.
The younger, school aged children are now are grandchildren. With all the drug and modern social problems, I’m glad not to be that age anymore. The way the world is changing and with robots and computers now dominating the work-force, what will the world be like, when they old enough to begin their working lives?
The next generation are now our own children. It saddens us to see them struggling financially, and we help them when we can, but now that we are pensioners it is difficult to maintain any kind of reasonable standard of living.
Both of my parents died many years ago. My older brother has a crippling disease, and my elder sister has a terminal condition. I live overseas with an amazing wife and her family, but I have no blood relatives in this country. I enjoy listening to my wife interact with her family, as they share stories of years gone by. Unfortunately I have none of that as people largely have no idea of anything (or anyone) I talk about. It would be nice to have family I could share with as I am growing old, but accept that is one of the realities of living in a different country.
What happens when I die? I have priceless (to me) items that once belonged to my parents. They would not mean anything to family over here, and I can’t expect younger family members who live overseas to come for them. Besides, in most instances they wouldn’t share my sentimental attachment. All of my family stories and experiences will go to the grave with me, like an end of an era, but over which I have no control.
Growing old unfortunately comes with the high risk of physical illness. I have had various illnesses in recent years, but am now much better. My wife, whom I lovingly refer to as “a tough old bird”, for a number of months late last year, was very sick and spent some time in hospital. This is a woman who very rarely gets ill, and never takes any kind of prescription medication. At the time, I was terrified of losing her, as I’m not sure how I would have survived without her.
I am happy to report that she is now in excellent health, and we are looking forward, in the near future of going on an overseas holiday together. Unfortunately, with ageing family and friends our age, or slightly older, it is inevitable that in the years to come that we will be faced with losing them.
Both my wife and I try to stay bright and positive, because at least we have each other, we live in our own home, and hope to continue to do so for many years to come, and be able to do things together. We both hope we will never be a burden on our loved ones, as somehow that would not seem fair on the younger generations.
Growing old is something most of us will have to face at some stage, either with our spouse (ideally) or alone.
To use a word commonly used by younger people, sometimes growing old “sucks” but is better than the alternative.
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