Why this man’s simple birthday card to his wife made her cry
It was a simple message, but the words still bring tears to Heather Shoebridge's eyes.
"It just said, 'To Heather', and inside he had picked a card with bananas on it," she said. "And he wrote, 'I picked this card because you love bananas. Happy birthday, love Hamish'."
The simple card meant so much because it was the first one her husband of 40 years had ever written for her.
"It was really nice. He had always tried to, but this time I could actually read it. Usually his writing was like hieroglyphics," Heather said.
Hamish Shoebridge struggled to read and write for 60 years. Two years ago, he was diagnosed with dyslexia.
Hamish is not alone. Special Learning Disabilities New Zealand (Speld NZ) executive officer Jeremy Drummond said about 10 per cent of Kiwis have some form of learning disability.
It is not unusual for it to take decades for someone to be diagnosed with dyslexia or for a literacy issue to be addressed, according to Drummond.
October marks dyslexia awareness month, and a total of 33 adults have sought assessment and tutoring this year – including a 93-year-old.
It took two years before Hamish was able to write the short message in his wife's card.
"When you go through your life not being able to read or write, and not knowing why – that was the hardest thing," he said. "I wanted to get better at reading and writing. I knew something was wrong."
It hadn't been too hard to navigate life without the ability most took for granted. "It wasn't frustrating for me because at school they weren't unkind to me," he said.
"What I still don't understand [is] we had exams every year and I would get nothing. If you got nothing in every exam you'd think someone would check what was going on, but nothing was done."
After completing only one year of high school, Shoebridge began an apprenticeship in Auckland, painting cars. It was a career that carried him through to his 60s, when the shop he worked in closed.
Finally, Hamish said he had the time to find out what was wrong. After an assessment he was assigned to a tutor, with whom he meets once a week.
"It's quite different for her because I don't think she'd had an adult before. I go on Friday, I'm her last student, so we have a bit of fun."
Despite having to work on some "alien technologies" and "computer things", Hamish has made excellent progress.
Heather said she didn't know how her husband had survived for so long with his struggles in a world full of print. For decades, she had filled out almost every one of his medical forms, ACC applications and banking slips.
"I would just fill it out and tell him 'sign here' – he's lucky I didn't rip him off!"
The Shoebridges are able to laugh about the situation, but for many the inability to read and write is a crippling, embarrassing and painful issue to come to terms with.
Speld NZ Tutor Marion Fairbrass said when people sought help, they were often fearful they might fail again.
Early intervention is key, she said, because once a child has spent years struggling in school, they often give up. "There's a lot of power and strength for an individual in knowing why and what is causing the difficulty, and owning that difficulty, and then they can do something about it."
Children will often excel in other areas, just like Hamish, who has always had a natural aptitude for building and repairing things.
Hamish had one piece of advice for anyone considering seeking help – just go and do it. Heather said the first thing people had to realise was their learning difficulty was not their fault.
"Don't be put off by the experiences you've had at school. Keep searching until you've found the answer."
Hamish always had other ways of showing his appreciation. "He never wrote me letters, but he did buy me chocolates," Heather said.
Written by Ged Cann. Republished with permission of Stuff.co.nz. Image credit: Rose Davis/Stuff.