Have rom-coms ruined our love lives?
Do you love settling down at night and flicking on a romantic comedy? Does your heart beat in anticipation when the two leads who are perfect for each other but don’t know it yet clash heads? Do you swoon once they have overcome all adversity to finally lock lips?
We hate to tell you, then, that research from the Heriot Watt University in the UK has found that watching romantic comedies might actually spoil your love life. Psychologists found fans of Hollywood films such as Notting Hill, You've Got Mail, While You Were Sleeping and The Wedding Planner had unrealistic expectations and views on love.
"Films do capture the excitement of new relationships but they also wrongly suggest that trust and committed love exist from the moment people meet, whereas these are qualities that normally take years to develop," said Kimberly Johnson, a researcher from the study.
The study found rom-coms fans believed in the idea of “the one” – the soul mate you are destined to meet – and an expectation that their beloved will instinctively know you that they can almost read your mind.
Dr Bjarne Holmes, a psychologist who led the research, said: “We all want to be successful in our relationships. We want to be the special one and meet the special one. Unfortunately people tend to believe the Hollywood idea of a perfect relationship.”
“People feel if their relationship is not like a Hollywood film then it is not any good,” he continued.
It’s a study that the lovers of rom-coms would take umbrage with. While it is certainly true that rom-coms portray idealised relationships (isn’t that why we love them?) it’s drawing a long bow to claim that enjoying the moment when Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan meet at the Empire State building could distort our perception of love that much! Most people know what they are watching on a screen isn’t a reflection on reality. And what’s so wrong with aspiring for love like in the movies? Why is it bad to strive for a perfect relationship? Wouldn’t it be worse to let go of all our expectations and standards to settle for someone who we might not feel that spark of chemistry with?
We know a real life love story won’t ever be as glossy as the ones in movies (and we unfortunately won’t ever be as good-looking as those romantic leads) but in a loving relationships, there will be moments where it’s exactly like the movies. It might be the way after forty years of marriage the way your partner looks at you still makes you blush, just like when you first began courting. It might be that wonderful anniversary date where the dinner and movie night was perfect, just as perfect as a rom-com.
So if you enjoy watching Mr. Darcy sweep Elizabeth off her feet then don’t stop watching just yet. While perfect might not be achievable, we can’t see anything wrong with having an ideal to strive for.