Spotting the signs of loneliness
There are many things that people are willing, even excited to share with the people around them. Their good mood, or their intense desire for coffee very early in the morning. However, people become less forthcoming with their feelings when they feel doing so may reflect negatively on themselves. Because of this, it can be difficult to tell when someone you love is feeling lonely, but, depending on your role in their life, not impossible.
Human beings, as a whole, tend to be more inclined to give answers that will be looked upon more favourably by others. This phenomenon, known as “social desirability bias”, can take the form of over-reporting on good behaviours, moods, and reactions, while underreporting things they feel are undesirable, such as sadness, rule breaking, or loneliness.
While our instinct is to dismiss the fear of rejection due to negative feelings as silly, there is scientific evidence to back it up. A 1998 study showed that lonely people were thought of less positively by themselves as well as others. This isn’t necessarily a conscious choice people make – to have a negative opinion of the lonely, but could be more of an instinctual habit. But taking steps to reach out to people who are lonely is important for their wellbeing, so can we spot when someone is lonely when they’re likely doing their best to hide it?
A study from 2016 showed that those closest to us are well positioned to notice if we’re feeling lonely. The German study processed surveys from 463 young adults who reported their own feelings of loneliness. Via email, the researchers then reached out to the friends, family, and romantic partners of the subjects and had them rate the loneliness of their person.
The results showed that the assessment of others when it comes to loneliness is fairly accurate when placed next to self-assessment. Perhaps unsurprisingly, romantic partners were best at knowing when their person was lonely, while parents and friends seem to be evenly matched.
How well do you think you’re able to spot loneliness in your friends and family? Have you reached out to a lonely friend or family member? Share your experience with us in the comments below.