5 tips for disagreeing grandparents and parents
These days many grandparents are playing an active role in the lives of their children and grandchildren. But as the generations try to work together it’s inevitable that some problems will arise. Today we have some tips for making the relationship between the three generations work.
1. Get on the same page
There’s nothing like some unsolicited advice to make a parent feel criticised or undermined. It’s important from the start to let everyone know where the boundaries are in terms of the type of help offered or the advice that is warranted. Remember that all parties want what’s best for the little ones, so keep that goal in mind. It’s important for grandparents to always be on the same page as the parents. Comments to the grandkids about their parent’s style of parenting are both inappropriate and potentially damaging for the relationship. Always be constructive rather than critical.
2. Wait to be asked for advice
Always respect that these are not your children, they are your grandchildren, and so your opinion is secondary. Resist the urge to correct your children or tell them they are doing something wrong (unless you see a safety issue). Most likely you will be asked for your advice down the track once they see that you are not judging them.
3. Don’t force anyone to take sides
Despite your strong relationship with your own child, putting them in a position where they feel they need to side with you or their partner is never ideal. Most likely they will support their partner and then you will be left out in the cold. If you feel that there is an issue, it’s usually best to speak with your own child about it and be sure the grandkids aren’t within earshot. Open communication is key.
4. Be open about your ideal role
For some grandparents, being asked to babysit every weekend or attending every soccer game is exhausting. For others, they feel left out if they aren’t invited. It’s important to be clear with your children about how you would like to be involved in their lives so that there are no hurt feelings.
5. Enjoy the relationship
Being able to spend time with your grandchildren is something that not all grandparents get to enjoy. So instead of worrying that the kids watch too much TV or that the house is a mess, just enjoy the moments that you have with the children. Leave the parenting to the parents and revel in your role as grandparent.
Have you ever had a disagreement about parenting with your own children? We would love to hear how you resolved it in the comments.
Related links:
How to find your balance as a grandparent
Parents’ beliefs about failure are crucial for kids
How to pass family history onto grandkids