Making friends at any age
As you get older, it’s common that you may not see as many friends as you used to. You’re not alone if you feel isolated and, dare we say, a little depressed. Here are some tips from the “Friend Doctor” on making friends at any age.
Over the years you’ve probably found that some friendships have fallen away, you’re not in social environments quite as much as you used to be, and perhaps you’re even a little more reserved and less open to change. Don’t be alarmed, you are not alone.
“After working for many years, and or raising a family too, many people over sixty find they have much more time for socialising and greater social needs than they ever did before,” explains psychologist and creator of www.thefriendshipblog.com, Irene S. Levine. “Yet,” she continues, “there are fewer opportunities for making social contacts than there once was.”
As a result of these changes in social circumstance, you may find you have a lot more solitary time than you’d like. Naturally, if you are a people person, this can leave you feeling lonely, isolated and sometimes depressed. The good news is, that you don’t have to stay stuck in this cycle. Known as the Friend Doctor, Irene tells Over60, there are a few misconceptions surrounding making friends when you’re over sixty. “Many people feel that by this stage of life everyone already has their set of friends but this is a misperception,” she reveals. “Friendships are dynamic and changing and there are always other people who are just as eager to make friends as you are.”
The key, the psychologist and author says, is believing you are worthy of making new friendships. “Assuming you aren’t friend-worthy is a mistake,” she explains. So is not wanting to make new friends for fear of reaching out to others. While making new friendships as an adult may seem like it requires more energy and effort, Irene strongly believes it just “requires some risk taking”.
The Friend Doctor’s top tips on making friends at any age:
Make friendships a priority
Unfortunately many women allow their friendships to take a backseat to their responsibilities with families and commitments. Don’t fail to set aside time for making and maintaining friendships. It isn’t selfish or indulgent to take some time because having close friends is proven to make people happier.
Get out of the house
Don’t stay at home all day every day. Now is as good a time as any to establish and solidify friendships for the years ahead. Once you venture out, you’ll find there are other people who are just as eager to make friends as you are. Start by setting aside at least two or three times a week as dedicated “get out of the house” time.
Take is slow
Don’t come off as too needy or desperate. That can be very off-putting and frighten away potential friends. Give friendship time to bloom naturally by being open, honest and showing interest in other people. Some of the best friendship started out with an exchange of a smile, question or comment.
Follow your passions
Whether you partake in group exercise, enrol in an art course, signup for dancing classes or volunteer, pursue things that you enjoy doing and then you’re destined to meet like-minded individuals whose passions appeal to you. This will allow you to meet people who share common interests and a friendship is likely to be the natural next step.
Join a group (or several)
Joining groups is a proven way to make new friends. It’s almost a given that other people are there to mingle and meet people too, otherwise why would they have joined. Good places to start are the local library, council, church, and go from there. Also, www.meetup.com is a great way to search various interest groups in your area as they are catalogued by postcode.
Be ok with rejection
Don’t be embarrassed about being lonely or friendless. You’re certainly not the only one. Recognise that rejection isn’t personal. Just because your dance card is empty doesn’t mean that the person you are approaching is in the same situation; some people will have other priorities in their life and may not be interested in making new friends. Move onto someone else and don’t be scared off. Friendlessness can become a vicious cycle, if you let it.