How to talk to your granddaughter
Doreen Rosenthal, a professor emeritus and co-author of New Age Nanas: Being a Grandmother in the 21st Century, talks to Over60 about the beautiful bond between a grandmother and her granddaughter.
The relationship between grandmothers and granddaughters is very special and most grandmothers are able to forge a stronger bond with their female grandchildren than with their male ones. Perhaps sadly, granddaughters are often more rewarding than their brothers. We know from research that girls are more attentive to and considerate of relationships than boys. Granddaughters, then, are more likely to be responsive, to cuddle, to confide their concerns and/or their hopes, and share interests (cooking, clothes, creating) than boys whose interests – usually – are less about connecting and more about physical activity. Most grandmothers who have watched their grandchildren grow and develop will share my own experiences – voluble, chatty granddaughters, monosyllabic grandsons.
The grandmother/granddaughter bond is strengthened, in part too, because, as these older women see their granddaughters grow from toddler to teenager and beyond, they share many issues in common. This is not to say that society has stood still over the years, but many of the challenges grandmothers faced are still encountered by young women. Many of today’s grandmothers were young women themselves during the wave of feminism of the 60s and 70s and were aware of the demands for gender equality so they can identify with the aspirations of this generation of girls and young women and relish in the opportunities for their granddaughters that have been so hard won. For grandmothers, it is easier to identify with the life paths taken by their granddaughters that may often reflect their own – career choice, partners, childbearing and rearing – than that of their grandsons. None of this is to say that grandsons are not loved equally (our research found that this was usually the case); rather grandmothers get particular joy from the life trajectories of their granddaughters because they can understand and empathise with these younger versions of themselves.
Related link: Read on grandparenting from the "new age nanas".
Tips on talking to your granddaughter:
- It’s still difficult in this day and age to overcome gender roles. Encourage your granddaughter to realise that she doesn’t have to be pigeonholed in "female" activities and choices. If she prefers to play with cars rather than dolls, if she wants to be a footballer rather than a ballerina, let her know you are with her.
- Engage her in the activities that you love and enjoy. Share your enthusiasm and take the time to be a teacher.
- Encourage her to make her own choices, as well, and be there to support her; listen to her concerns and help her work through these.
- Help her to understand the forces that act on young girls’ and women’s self-perceptions. Advertising, "girls"/women’s magazines, etc. that convey messages about what women should be like, what’s "sexy", how women should act, are not depicting real life. Let her know that it’s ok to be different.
- Foster a sense of her being a strong, independent person so that she can make decisions for herself, resist unwanted actions (thinking here of drink, drugs, sex), form her own opinions.
If you would like more information on New Age Nanas, head over to their Facebook page.