Thank you to my community for helping me in my time of need
Anne Marr, 68, loves working with wildlife and lives in multigenerational household.
Losing a loved one, especially your life partner of nearly 40 years is so much more than a challenge. It’s really hard to put it into words. I know when I lost my darling after a three-year battle with cancer I was a mess. I really couldn’t believe he’d actually gone. He’d said thank you squeezed my hand, closed his eyes and that was it. I remember my son saying “No Mum he’s not sleeping he’s gone now”.
Colin passed away at home and that was the one last gift I was glad I was able to give him. He did want to stay at home. The palliative care girls and our doctor were a wonderful help. As were the paramedics that did need to come one night. They stayed for nearly three hours till Colin was comfortable and peaceful again. I was blessed our children were living at home with us and were also a huge help. We all knew what Colin wanted as his farewell. A wake and memorial at home in our garden and his ashes scatter there, but I think I was in shock and just shut down.
This was when our community and friends all came together. I was no help to anyone, but somehow animals were fed. Yard and garden tidied. One neighbour drove up with a truck and trailer loaded with chairs and they were arranged in rows in a big half circle in our front driveway. We have a large centre garden on the other side of the driveway and a table and chairs were set up there. This was where we the family sat and my friend ran the memorial and read the eulogy. The kitchen was full of people preparing food. The back verandah was set up with a bar at one end and tables down the middle covered in food of all kinds. I remember looking at it all thinking where did all this come from. Our neighbours and friends. The community had rallied together and gave Colin a wonderful send off. I could never have managed without them. I must say that day was rather a blur for me. I sat in the front garden most of the time while most people gathered on the back verandah. One or two at a time came and talked to me. They understood I was have trouble coping with the large crowd.
At the end of the day everything was put away where ever it was meant to go. Dishes done, all tidy. My closest two friends stayed. They continued to look after me and came with me and my children to the private cremation. They were with us for the next three weeks until they felt I was managing better. The rest of the community continue to support and help whenever needed. Colin was everyone’s Mr Fix It and we were going to miss him so, but whenever a breakdown of any sort occurs someone always comes to fix it.
I know everyone it is not as lucky in having a community, but if you do have one support and care for it. A community is a wonderful thing and we all need each other, especially in difficult times.
Have you found your community has helped you in times of need? Share your experience with us in the comments below.
If you have a story to share please get in touch at melody@oversixty.com.au
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