4 scientifically proven ways to deal with grief and loss
It’s often said that, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. The problem with that sentiment is that it’s usually intoned by someone looking at the problems of another person from a close, but respectful distance. Experiencing tragedy, and the grief that invariably follows is something that may not have the power to hurt you physically, but can rule your life if you let it. Here are some ways that researchers have found to help you shake off the shackles of despair in the wake of tragedy.
1. Find a way to be grateful
When you’re in the clutches of seemingly unending grief, it can seem like you’ll never feel happy again. The truth is, however, that you will. A simple step you can take towards happiness is to find a way to be grateful. Studies have shown that those who express thankfulness are more inclined to be happy. It may seem perverse, but if you imagine a way your recent tragedy could have been worse, you’ll be able to express thanks that it wasn’t.
2. Lean on people
When you’re grieving, it’s vital that you reach out to those closest to you and lean on them. That’s what friendships are for. Hopefully, you have at least one person who will answer your call at any time of day. Research has shown that the capacity to love and be loved is the strength “most clearly associated with subjective well-being”, so it follows that this strength is one you should rely on when grieving. Let your friends help you through this.
3. Write it down
Writing down your thoughts can be a great way to express yourself in a totally judgement-free environment. A journal is also a handy tool to use if you feel like you don’t have anyone you can turn to. A study found that writing about personal tragedy has a long-term positive affect on one’s emotional and physical wellbeing.
4. Confront some uncomfortable truths
When we experience loss, it can feel like the pain will last forever and continue to affect every aspect of our lives. Some even have a tendency to blame themselves – even when there’s no logical reason to do so. Psychologist Martin Seligman suggests that allowing these untruths to persist will stunt the process of recovery from grief. The sooner you come to accept that the tragedy was not your fault, that the loss doesn’t affect every single part of your life, and that the pain will not follow you around for every minute of every day forever, the sooner your healing can begin.
What’s the best advice you got when grieving?