6 things to remember if you love someone with dementia
Loving or caring for someone with dementia or Alzheimer’s can be an incredibly difficult thing to do – putting strain on your patience, your emotions, and your mental health. But it’s important to remember that your loved one is suffering, too, probably more than you realise. Here are some things they may want you to remember, do, or say.
1. Offer help
Don’t jump in and take over a task, but be willing to lend a hand. Your loved one might struggle, but that doesn’t mean they are beyond help. Your contribution could be as small as helping when they struggle to express themselves, but it’s those little things that make all the difference.
2. Don’t expect too much
It’s important to set yourself and your loved one realistic expectations. If you plan a fun day out but it doesn’t go as you wanted it to because your loved one is having a bad day, remember that that is no one’s fault.
3. Be a source of comfort
Your loved one is likely facing the rest of their days with a measure of fear: fear that each good day will be their last; fear that they won’t remember your face in the morning; fear that they’ll forget the words to tell you they love you. Remember to tell them that you love them, and that you will be with them, even when they don’t realise it. Fear won’t go away completely just because you’re holding the hand of the person you love, but doing so can certainly make you braver.
4. They’re not gone yet
Many people hear the word “dementia” or “Alzheimer’s” and assume that a person spends their days unable to remember, speak, or live fully. Though these diseases do rob people of a lot of basic functions, they don’t necessarily do so all at once, and it’s important to remember that your loved one will have good days as well as bad. Just because they didn’t remember you yesterday doesn’t mean they won’t tomorrow – so don’t give up on them and treat them as if they were gone forever.
5. Love them for their now
It’s difficult to separate the two people you love – the one you used to know, and the one they are now, but doing so means you stand a better chance of loving them for who they are, instead of resenting them for not being what they once were.
6. They don’t hurt you on purpose
Your loved ones may very well say or do things that hurt your feelings, but they are not doing o on purpose. Their disease will affect what they say and how they act. If they do something to upset you, try to remember that it is the fault of the disease, and not borne of any ill will or malice towards you.
If you know someone with dementia or Alzheimer’s, what would be the one thing you would pass on to others in your position?