Talking to your parents about aged care
Peter Scutt is the CEO and Founder of Better Caring, an online platform where people with a disability, or those who are ageing, can find and hire local care and support workers.
The changes that take place later in life can be challenging. Ageing is one of those processes, where at times a little bit of extra support may be needed. This is why when talking to an ageing parent, it’s crucial to understand the best techniques to effectively communicate in their time of need. Peter Scutt, Co-Founder and CEO of Better Caring, shares some his of tips below on the best ways to talk to your parent/s about seeking care.
1. Start early
Like most of the big decisions in life, it’s important to be prepared. Ensure you understand your parents’ preferences, particularly if you’re faced with a life-altering event or situation. Discussing options with them before changes occur can often make the transition process a lot smoother, giving yourself and them plenty of time to come to the best solution which suits their needs perfectly.
2. Choose a time and place to open the conversation
When approaching your parents about suggesting the possibility of support in older age, it’s important to not treat the discussion as a ‘THE conversation’, but as an opening to an ongoing conversation, which can be left and revisited when they are comfortable to do so. Choosing the correct environment is also essential, in a quiet area or room with no distractions. Speaking face to face is also very beneficial, as tone can often be misinterpreted over the phone or via email.
3. Address the key topics
Your loved one’s safety and health is key, and it’s important to inform your parent of the major concerns you have with any recent behaviours or incidents. This could include accidents as a result of forgetting how appliances work, to confusion/ missed appointments or just being generally unable to look after their own wellbeing. You may feel it’s helpful to call in a third party for support, whether that’s a neighbour, friend, another family member or even a healthcare professional.
4. Ask questions
Don’t assume that you know what your parent wants - a better approach might be to ask them what they think about your concerns, and whether or not they want to follow through with actions.
5. Know the options – and explore them with your parent/s
In the traditional mindset, people often automatically assume care means residential care, and can get understandably upset and defensive. The way we understand care is changing, so do your research and come prepared with information about other services (such as Better Caring) that can be tailored to the individual. In addition to this, sharing this experience with your parent can open their eyes up to the endless possibilities that are associated with aged care. Asking questions and offering more than one viable solution enables them to exercise control and independence. Always try to move towards solutions that enable them and provide maximum independence.
6. Educate yourself with the financial implications
The perception that aged care must be costly can be the reason why most aged citizens don’t get the support they so desperately need. It’s important to do your own research on options and the costs of each. Are you paying for their care? Or are they? Do they need support from the government? Have you investigated innovative and alternative new options to seeking support? These are some of the questions that you might need to look into when seeking out options.
7. Open the discussion by focusing on practical issues
It’s important to also discuss practical issues with your parent, to discover what level of care is needed to best suit their needs and situation. It may be that ‘care’ actually involves support with home maintenance, paying bills, professional help with medical, financial and other matters, trust documents, investment and banking records, tax returns, living wills and durable powers of attorney. There are services available to encourage the ageing to maintain connections with other people, as a shopping companion, someone to have coffee with, or event an event in their community. Maintaining positive connections with others should also be a key focus.
8. Frame the conversation in a positive way
Talking about care needs with your family member can be a difficult conversation. It’s important to frame the conversation in a positive and understanding way, as often our loved ones don’t want to admit they’re vulnerable or incapable. Aged care is not only about personal support and domestic duties, but it can be a great way to help ageing Australians connect with friends, involve themselves in the community or reignite a passion. For your loved one, it could be empowering them to keep doing the things they love. It doesn’t have to just be about showering and dressing, but instead might be an opportunity to take up a new skill or hobby, or renew their love of music or arts. The major goal should be to ensure that seeking support is a choice, and is something that they have decided to do, rather than feeling forced.
Related links:
Signs your ageing loved one needs assistance
Helpful advice for caring for someone with dementia
Attitudes towards caring for ageing parents revealed