Chris Smith reveals he was moments away from taking his life
Chris Smith said he “made arrangements” to take his own life before his young daughter stepped in and prevented him from doing so.
The reason behind these "arrangements" came from his behaviour at the Sky News’ Christmas party.
Smith hosted his first segment with independent broadcaster on TNT Radio as he tries to restart his media career after being fired from Sky News following his embarrassing behaviour at their Christmas Party.
The radio giant was let go from the two broadcasters after making offensive comments to one young female colleague about her holiday photos, also pinching another female colleague on the bottom during the network’s end-of-year celebrations in Sydney.
Smith returned to radio, getting candid about his suicidal thoughts and about how he had long dealt with the “untold heartache” of alcoholism.
He said he contemplated taking his own life after hearing about the way he treated the two women, but also said it “wasn't the worst of crimes”.
“Now when I was told what happened at that event the next day, I went into a deep dive, I was in shock,” he said.
“I was heartbroken. I instantly knew of the endless humiliating coverage that was to come. I instantly knew about the hurt that would fall upon my family, my kids, myself.
“I instantly knew of the pain, embarrassment and loss that I just incurred and I became suicidal.
“That Sunday morning at about 10.30 am I made preparations to take my life and if not for the intervention of my 19-year-old daughter, I would not be here today.”
Smith also said he was subject to “eight days of endless harsh media coverage”, which he had previously claimed was worse than what Chris Dawson, who murdered his wife, faced.
“Despite being rushed to a mental health ward, it was open season on me,” he said.
“No regard for mental health from the media in my case, maybe because my state was self-induced.
“The vitriol, if I'd read it, heard it or seen it - and I didn't - it would have tipped me over the edge.
“I think everyone in the media, including myself, needs to think about that the next time we cover a story that involves a human being looking down the barrel of rock bottom.”
Smith mentioned he grew up seeing the negative effects of alcohol and lived in a home where it was “used and abused”.
“It led to destruction and untold heartache, but that didn't stop me abusing alcohol,” he said.
“You might argue "well hang on, didn't you see it for yourself? You should have stayed clear of it.”
“I should have, I didn't. I've had a problem with it for most of my adult life.”
He shared that his alcoholism didn’t make him an all-day drinker, but he would “binge drink” whenever he had the chance.
He explained that the bipolar medication he was taking at the time of the Christmas party can cause “blackouts” when mixed with heavy drinking.
“At the Christmas party in Sydney late last year, I was determined to turn up for the first time in five years and prove to myself I could control this behaviour,” he said.
“But I crashed again, drank way too much, hit that black wall pinched a colleague on the backside and remarked to another woman how revealing her holiday photos were.
“I have reached out to both colleagues involved to personally apologise but as a result I lost my television show, my 22-year job at the radio station, my contributors role at Channel Nine and a massive amount of money.
“I'm not sugarcoating it, I'm not embellishing it, I'm just telling the truth. My inability to control drinking crash tackled me again and I am human.”
Smith went on to say he would never have acted the way he did at the party if he were sober and scrutinised the media for making him out to be the villain.
“I have no recollection of these events. Now that doesn't excuse me but it's not what I do in a conscious sober state. Only heavy drinkers listening would understand,” he said.
“Alcoholism, even of this kind, is a disease. That's a medical fact but for some reason, some commentators think they know better.
“To think someone like me would be evil and deliberately do what I did... It is not me and only those who know me well would understand what I'm saying.
“I'm not evil. None of this was deliberate. I suffer from a disease I could not control.”
He ended his segment by saying he was able to overcome his alcoholism while checked into a private rehabilitation facility “with the help of two psychiatrists, a terrific psychologist and their staff.”
“It had to end and I had to get help ending it,” he said.
“I have begun the exorcism. I'm 79 days sober today. I never ever thought that was possible.
“Of course it hasn't come without blood, sweat and tears. The first 30 days were a nightmare.
“It's only now that I've hit rock bottom, I wish I'd done it 20 years earlier.”
He thanked his loyal fans that stuck around while he was dealing with his mental health, and promised to continue bettering himself.
“I am human. I have made some gross mistakes. I don't think you can kick me much more,” he said.
“But the real me, the sober me, the clean me is worth backing and can be trusted. I will not let you down in that way ever again.”
Don't go it alone. Please reach out for help.
Lifeline: 13 11 14 or lifeline.org.au
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 or beyondblue.org.au
Headspace: 1800 650 890 or headspace.org.au
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