Kiwis on same-sex marriage: "Australia, don't do it"
With New Zealand already having gone through the same-sex marriage debate, our friends across the ditch thought they’d give us some friendly advice.
Delivered on New Zealand’s The Project (yes, apparently they have their own version!), presenter Jesse Mulligan issued a tongue-in-cheek “Open Letter to Australia”.
“Hi Australia, this is New Zealand. It’s come to our attention that you’re deciding whether or not to legalise gay marriage right now. And as your friend, we’d like to take a moment not to make the same mistake we did,” he says with a twinkle in his eye.
“Please, please vote ‘No’ to same-sex marriage.”
“We predicted that gay marriage would be a slippery slope — and we were right!
“It started with men marrying men and ladies marrying ladies, and before we knew it we were seeing dogs marry cats, cats marry birds, birds marry dogs and babies marry babies,” Mulligan said with a smile, referring to the “slippery slope” many in the no campaign warn about.
“People tell me the Christian lobby is putting up a big fight in Australia. Well, good for them,” he continues.
“Here in New Zealand many predicted that marriage equality would destroy the Church. Well, once again they were right”.
He then shows footage of the Christchurch cathedral before the devastating 2011 earthquake.
“You should have seen New Zealand before gay marriage, it was perfect.” Mulligan quips.
“But now people are living in cars, our native species are facing extinction and our waterways look like toilets. Did gay marriage cause these things? Sure, why not. Let’s go with that!”
The Kiwi mockery didn’t stop there with former Australian prime minister and outspoken same-sex marriage critic Tony Abbott singled out.
“Vote “No” Australia. Stay strong. Look to your heterosexual heroes for inspiration ... And if we’re looking for straight role models, how about the band Tony Abbott suggested to replace Macklemore at the Grand Final. Now there is nothing gay about Savage Garden!”
“I miss marriage the way it used to be, between a strong — handsome — man and his loving — obedient — wife. A good honest marriage, one that was built to last!” Mulligan reminisces with a smile.
“Australia, the world is watching. It’s time for you to stand up and say ‘No, we don’t want to be in the same club as New Zealand, Britain and the US. We see ourselves somewhere in the democratic sweet spot between Iraq and Yemen’,” he says.
“You do you Australia. The rest of the world may be saying ‘I do’, but you can be the country that says ‘we won’t’.”
Mulligan ends with a dire note: “Look how miserable these people are, look at the hate they’re spreading, look at what it’s doing to their families ... Don’t be like New Zealand, Australia. Last year we saw almost a thousand scenes like this, and the country is completely overrun with love. Please, don’t let the same thing happen to you.”
New Zealand legalised same-sex marriage in 2013.